Movie Recap: Thor

Film poster.

(See it in 2D, as 3D actually detracts from the visuals/your wallet and adds nothing to your experience.)

Bring out your hammers and prepare for imminent metal umlauts, düdes: Thor is a cinematic Ragnarök. Well, the good parts. None of the all-consuming wolf monsters or planet-sized sea snakes or zombie armies (unfortunately). Actually, Ragnarök isn’t brought up at all in the film, which surprised me. I haven’t read the comics, so I don’t know how important it is there.

Moving on!

Thor has a pretty big cast of characters for a superhero movie, most of which revolve around a core group of three or four people in which the hero, villain, best friend/villain sidekick (there can be only one), and love interest are the only ones given significant attention.

Thor himself (Chris Hemsworth) is obviously our protagonist, and what a delightful one he is–not even because he walks around shirtless and thinks you can buy horses or horse-sized dogs or cats from a pet store. He’s flawed in a realistic way, he’s punished for his actions, and he learns and grows. He becomes our hero in a very organic fashion, instead of just being hurled down in front of us and told that we have to respect and like him as a character (…yes, I am obliquely referencing you, Christopher Nolan’s Batman. Get away from my window). Hemsworth does a great job of swinging between brash manchild and a godman worthy of taking the throne of Asgard one day, plus he’s got a fun, blustery sense of comedic timing befitting a Norse god. Who I imagine are quite hilarious once they put their axes down and lay into some serious mead.

Other ways in which Chris Hemsworth is potentially Norse-godlike:

He's qualified for any and all shirtless positions.

Hither there comes the son of Hlothyn indeed.

Natalie Portman plays Dr. Jane Foster, a human astrophysicist (we know this because the screenplay is pretty strong save for a few missteps, and one of those missteps is the line “You’re an astrophysicist, not a stormchaser!”) who is studying mysterious auroras when she should be taking defensive driving courses. Natalie Portman is somewhat polarizing, and speaking as someone on the negative end of that pole, she served her function and was basically competent.

Much of the comic material is given to Kat Dennings as Darcy Lewis, which was a wise move because everything that comes out of her mouth in every project she’s a part of is gold. Darcy is a polisci major who volunteers to help Jane out with her aurora-chasing in exchange for six science credits, and spends the entire movie being saucy and cute.

Real-life Viking Stellan Skarsgård plays Dr. Erik Selvig, a scientist who was friends with Jane’s father and consequently took her crazy ass under his wing. He spends a lot of time trying to talk Jane out of doing goofy things, though she does them anyway.

Agent Coulson of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Clark Gregg), future Avenger Hawkeye/Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner, making the most of his short screentime), and Jasper Sitwell (Maximiliano Hernández) all make cameos, along with Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury in the after-credits teaser, which is worth a watch.

Representing Asgard is a delightfully be-eyepatched Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin Allfather; Rene Russo as his wife Frigga; the always-magnificent Idris Elba as the hottest gatekeeper in the galaxy, Heimdall; and Thor’s pals and brothers-in-arms Sif, Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral (Jaimie Alexander, Ray Stevenson, Tadanobu Asano, and Josh Dallas). I’m sure Sif’s and the Warriors Three’s character traits on paper were, respectively: Boobs, Always Stuffing Food In His Beard, Asian, and Bitchy, but each of the actors put a bit of extra work into roles that could have been totally thankless, and made their characters charming and interesting. Also, somehow, everyone in this movie had an easy chemistry with everyone else, which is always really nice to see.

Tom Hiddleston plays Loki, the main antagonist. I think this is the one of the only superhero movies outside of Iron Man where the hero is at least as compelling as the villain (only in Iron Man, the villains were never compelling at all, in either movie). Thor does such a fantastic job of making both the hero and the villain human despite the fact that they’re gods. I see pieces of both of them in myself, and I’m willing to bet several million imagination dollars that you can recognize aspects of them and their conflicts in yourself and others. These are specific gods from a specific pantheon as interpreted by a specific comic book and further interpreted by a specific film, but there’s something so universal in the way they’re portrayed, in how this family is portrayed. I mean, your sibling rivalries and daddy issues and feelings of exclusion from your family and your world probably won’t end in a war with the frost giants or putting your dad in a coma, but they can feel like they might. The story and the acting are way better than what this movie would theoretically call for, and I’m glad for it. Loki’s arc is easily as epic and painful as Thor’s, and though they end in different places, there’s no real judgement placed on either of them.

In the last corner is Jötunheimr, the land of the Frost Giants/Jötunn on the other end of the Bifröst, the rainbow bridge. In my notes, I have it written down as Yodelheim because I can’t hear or spell. Jötunheimr is a desolate, frozen wasteland of canyons carved through rocks by the prevailing wind. The Frost Giants seem pretty miserable there, but it’s not clear if this place is so hellish because Odin Allfather and the Fünkï Bünch did something while they were protecting humanity and stealing the giants’ cube in 965 A.D., or if it’s always been an eerie pit of despair and endless black chasms where horrors and abominations most assuredly do dwell, waiting to rip through the veil of sleep and totally creep you the fuck out. I choose to go against actual mythology and believe that Odin ruined it, and it used to be a visual representation of a butterfly farting next to a unicorn and gently fluttering its mane while the herd of wild kitties hunting jellybeans in the meadow nearby giggled uncontrollably but not mean-spiritedly. If that was a place, Preodinic Jötunheimr would have been that place. DECREE’D.

The leader of the Frost Giants is King Laufey, a scary huge guy played (well, voiced) by Colm Feore. Fun fact: Laufey was the name of Loki’s mother in mythology, but is the name of his father in this film. The character design for the giants is great, similar enough to Jötunheimr itself that it takes a moment to pick them out, but unmistakable once you see them.

Basically, the Frost Giants tried to come at us a while back, but the Norse gods stepped in and put a stop to that nonsense, stealing their frosty cube and banishing them to their homeland. A very unstable truce came about between Asgard and Jötunheimr. Odin explains all of this to his two sons, one impetuous golden child and one broody darker child. The golden child, Thorge W. Bush, decides that when he becomes king, he’s going to go in and finish what his father started with the Frost Giants. Odin’s like, that’s cute but you’re totally wrong–war is not a good thing.

We next see Thor as an adult, walking through an adoring crowd to be announced as the successor. And let me say this now, though I will probably continue saying it until the end of this review: the imagining and rendering of Asgard in this film is one of the greatest arguments for CGI as an art form that I’ve seen. Everything is glittering and beautiful, just as much science as it is magic, which is an important theme in the movie. I mean, this is concept art of the Bifröst:

And the finished product looks exactly like that, but in the context of a living, breathing city instead of a painting, to say nothing of the way the sky looks. It’s amazing, and worth the price of admission alone.

Loki lurks around in the background, totally unhappy. The ceremony is interrupted at the crucial moment by FROST GIANTS IN THE RELIQUARY, and though they are destroyed by the aptly-named automaton the Destroyer, Thor is still in a berserker rage about the fact that they could get so close. He wants to go fight all the giants to teach them a lesson. Or, whatever, look for answers. Odin tries to explain that the actions of a few don’t constitute a need for total war on the many, but Thor doesn’t give any kind of shit whatsoever. His party was ruined. He can cry if he wants to.

Or he can flip a whole table over with a mighty roar, then go to sulk on some steps. Loki slinks out from behind a pillar, sits just slightly too close to Thor (good liars will move into your space or bring you into theirs when they really want to sell you on something), and manipulates him like a champion. Thor suddenly thinks defying his father is a good idea, and his friends come just in time for him to rally the troops. All five of them. I would also like to point out that, in this scene, the word “madness” and the phrase “This is Jötunheimr!” are uttered. As a resident of pop culture, you have already shouted MADNESS? THIS! IS! JÖTUNHEIMR! into the ether.

Thor’s bros are not very into his idea of going to try aggressive diplomacy on the giants, but after some cute, character-establishing banter:

(Thor: “Who proved wrong all who scoffed at the idea that a young maiden could be one of the fiercest warriors this realm has ever known?”

Sif: “I did.”

Thor: “True, but I supported you, Sif!”)

they come around. Loki, having pulled all of Thor’s strings, broods.

They ride along the Bifröst on horses and come to Heimdall’s sweet little party pad/bridge between the worlds that rest on the branches of Yggdrasil. Heimdall is having none of their bullshit, but also doesn’t do much to talk them out of going to Frost Giantland before totally letting them go to Frost Giantland. It’s vast and frightening, but our heroes are stout of heart and standing at that very specific intersection of brave and dumb that makes fucking with King Laufey seem like a good idea. The giant king materializes out of the rock face to argue with Thor, generally being reasonable and understanding that Thor is young and impulsive. Thor is filmed from a high angle so that he’s looking up into Laufey’s face instead of the standard slightly-below angle that designated heroes are usually shot from so that they look more heroic.

Laufey tells Thor to GTFO and leave the Frost Giants alone, which is fair, but just as Thor is about to go, he makes the mistake of adding a Run back home, little princess.

Thor goes apeshit with Mjöllnir, proving once and for all that he totally is a princess. Frost giants start pouring out of the frostwork, and things get hardcore for a few minutes. One of my few quibbles with this film is the fight scenes. Like many genre fans, I am entitled and mean, so the fact that the fight scenes don’t live up to my expectations and exacting standards is as disappointing as it is infuriating. I mean, Thor gets it right on basically everything else, then falls down pretty hard on creating coherent, well-choreographed battles. I guess sacrifices must be made, though, and the studio probably couldn’t afford someone like Siu-Tung Ching with all that gorgeous Asgardian CG imagery. she said desperately

One cool point is that everyone else uses melee weapons that rely on brute force, but Loki has projectiles and illusion and Thor’s hammer straddles the line between projectile and actual functioning hammer. It’s the ideal weapon, if you’re worthy of using it and understand the power in it, just like being a king.

The battle doesn’t go well. Fandral takes an ice spike through the chest and Volstagg sustains a pretty awful burn when one of the giants touches his bare skin. One of the giants grabs Loki’s arm, and instead of the cold burn, his arm begins to turn grey. The giant’s like ONE OF US! but Loki kills him, watching as his skin turns white again.

Laufey awakens a huge one-headed Cerberus/dragon/monster that chases the Asgardians down and forces them to retreat to the rendezvous point. Heimdall appears to be napping or something, because he doesn’t pull them out. The rocks crack under the dragondogmonster’s weight as he chases them, and just as Valhalla looms in the not-so-distant future, Thor fully flies into the monster’s mouth and out through the back of his head. Yay! Thor lands away from the carcass as it falls into the abyss, then turns around with a big grin on his face to ask his friends if they saw that. His friends, however, are seeing giants flanking them. Laufey’s about to kill Thor when Odin appears on a fierce pony and stops him in the nick of time. Laufey’s like “Your son is a moron.” Odin’s all “Yeah, I dropped him so many times when he was a baby. Which he still kind of is, so maybe there shouldn’t be total war right now?” Laufey cares not for Odin’s attempts at peacemaking, and suddenly Asgard has a war on its hands.

Odin is pissed when they get back home. I bet that was a quiet, awkward trip on the rainbow bridge, even with Fandral‘s sucking chest wound trying to make conversation. This is one of those scenes that rings so true despite it taking place in such an impossible place between impossible characters. Guys throughout history have been told they need to knock their fathers off a pedestal to assume the mantle of being a Man (the MANtle?). Thor is a vain, greedy, cruel boy. Odin is an old fool. Loki is nothing, not even an afterthought. There is a lot of serious dude-business going on here, and it ends with Thor being stripped of his power, his whole identity and the identity of his ancestors, and then shoved through a wormhole to Earth in order to learn some humility or die trying. It’s magnificently acted by everyone present.

Thor lands in the path of Jane Foster’s Science Van, where they have a moment of staring into each other’s eyes before Thor starts stumbling around and yelling HAMMER! HAMMER! until Darcy Tasers him for being weird. The nerds take Thor to the hospital, where he wakes up and raises some Hel. Yes, that was a Norse mythology pun that makes no sense if you think about it for a second. No, I do not feel like apologizing.

Thor’s all “Fuck your shit! I’m a god! Of THUNDER! My hammer is so super huge!” as he smashes everything, but a wily doctor manages to dope him up and he falls asleep again.

Meanwhile, Mjöllnir hurtles to the earth in a cloud of awesome. Some guy pulls up to the crater and presumably calls all his buddies to come have a look-see, because this is America. Some weird thing falls out of the sky and makes a crater, we’re gonna fucking party with it.

Jane, Darcy, and Erik all give us some exposition on the Einstein-Rosen Bridge (don’t worry, you know what it is, even if not by that name) physics concept that would theoretically allow faster-than-lightspeed transmission of stuff; or, more simply, wormholes. Through SPACE AND TIIIIME. Asgard has already discovered a way to harness wormhole power and create a functioning travel method out of it, because they seem to have figured out that quantum physics is basically science and magic together. Darcy points out a man-shaped blob in a photograph of the aurora/wormhole, and Jane’s like “I left something at the hospital.”

That something is now tethered to the bed, but he manages to slide his wrists out of the cuffs and run away. Protip: Always flex your wrists when you’re being cuffed, and prepare to lose a few layers of skin if you decide to escape. Trust me, those scrapes will be worth it when you’re sipping mai tais on a beach in the nearest country with no extradition treaties.

Jane totally backs into Thor on her way out of the hospital. In the hammer crater at the desert, festivities are interrupted by the government coming in and shutting things down. Hi, Agent Coulson!

Thor is shirtless in Jane’s lab at the university for a good several minutes before he puts Jane’s ex’s shirt on, much to Darcy‘s (and possibly Erik‘s) disappointment. He messes with Jane’s stuff just to fuck with her, and she gets all flustered because he is literally almost twice her size. The middle-aged lady next to me in the theater went “Huh, he’s big“ to a chorus of delighted titters from her friends. I approve of group lady-dates to see huge summer superhero blockbusters. Times they are a-changin’.

Thor’s friends talk amongst themselves. Loki reveals that it was he who told Heimdall to go to Odin, and he did it because he a) loves Thor better than any of them and b) knows that Thor would ruin everything if he became king. He storms off when they don’t see eye to eye with him, and goes to the reliquary to poke at the Jötunn’s frosty cube. It turns him grey and his eyes go orange. Odin shows up and is like “Bee tee dubs, I found you after the battle with the giants when you were just a runty, adorable little grey baby. I thought maybe I could use you at an opportune moment. LOL?”

That goes over about as well as you’d expect, and after the ensuing argument, Odin ends up in a coma. Loki is visibly upset by, like, every single thing in his life right now, including Odin’s collapse, but you can see him figuring out how to handle this in a way that works for him, even as he calls for the guards to come help his fake adopted father.

Midgard (Viking nerd for Earth). The scientists are watching Thor shove intense amounts of pancake into his face, despite the fact that he has eaten a whole box of Pop-Tarts. Darcy is amazed that one can still be hungry after a whole box of Pop-Tarts. I would like to introduce her to most teenagers.
Thor smashes his coffee mug to request another coffee, which seems counterintuitive. Darcy takes a picture of him for Facebook in which he is cheesin’ mad hard, and everything about this scene is so cute I might vomit cotton candy. Two of the crater-partiers show up, and Thor’s hammer-senses start tingling as he demands to know how to get to it. He asks Jane to take him to it in exchange for everything he knows. When he says Mjöllnir, Darcy goes “Meahmeah? What’s meahmeah?”, and the scientists have a sidebar in which Erik talks Jane out of helping Thor. He seems to understand, and kisses her hand, which gets her all flustered. Thor bids them all farewell by name.

Jane, Erik, and Darcy get back to the lab to see that Coulson and S.H.I.E.L.D. are stealing all their research. He tries to give her a check as compensation, but she built most of the equipment herself, and they’re stealing her notes, too. They all go to sulk on the Roof of Sad Nerdlings, where we discover that they even stole Darcy’s iPod. Erik’s like, I’m going to go email my contact to get this shit sorted out, but they took his laptop.

Asgard. Sif and the Warriors Three rush in to speak with Odin, but Loki is sitting on the throne. His helmet has sweet horns on it. With Odin indisposed and Frigga refusing to leave him, Loki is now the king. They kneel reluctantly and request that Loki end Thor’s banishment, but Loki refuses on the grounds of his first command can’t undo his father’s last command, because continuity or something. Sif’s ready to slap that helmet off his head, but Fandral holds her back. They leave, temporarily Thorblocked.

Library, where Erik is borrowing the internet. He happens to pass by a children’s book of Scandinavian folktales before he leaves, and decides to take it with him. Jane, waiting in the science van outside, sees Thor walk into a pet store. There are some gratuitous shots of adorable little puppies as Thor booms out “I need a horse!” to the flabbergasted pet store clerk.

“We don’t have horses, just dogs, cats, birds…”

“Then give me one of those, large enough to ride.”

Jane grabs him before he can do something terrible in the name of finding a giant puppy to ride, and they’re off to the crash site.

Loki and Frigga talk over the comatose Odin. The coma seems to be something Odin has to do regularly, but he’s put it off for so long that Frigga is worried.

Crash site. S.H.I.E.L.D. have set up tents and labs around Mjöllnir. Thor gives Jane his jacket because he is one with the thunderstorm that’s about to rain down on everything, and sneaks his way in with a promise to steal back all her stuff.

The ensuing fight scene between Thor and the guards is the best one of the movie, and is objectively really good. Thor powers through guards like a boulder down a hill, which is what his size and strength would call for (good job on the casting department for finding an actor who can fill up a space like that). He’s graceful, but not like a cat–more like a bear. Bears don’t seem very graceful, but they also don’t fall down or misstep very often. He hits harder than he does fast, is what I’m saying.

Coulson calls for a sniper to get eyes up high, and that sniper is Clint Barton. He grabs a wicked bow and hops into a crane bucket. He asks Coulson if Coulson wants him to “slow him down, or are you sending more guys for him to beat up?” Coulson’s like, “I’ll let you know.” The “smartass” at the end is understood.

Thor comes to the center of the makeshift complex where Mjöllnir is, but catches a hamlike fist to the throat. He’s been grinning the whole time, and he’s delighted that someone his size has finally appeared. They wrestle around in the mud and rain for a little bit, Hawkeye’s arrow on Thor the whole time. Thor sees Mjöllnir and finishes the big dude with a burst of sweet slow-motion kicking. Hawkeye’s like “You better call it, Coulson, ‘cause I’m starting to root for this guy.” Us too, Clint!

Coulson lets Thor try and fail to pull Mjöllnir out of the ground. Thor is absolutely heartbroken, staring at his hands like they’ve betrayed him before yelling to the heavens, and allows himself to be captured by Coulson’s men. On the Bifröst, Heimdall watches sadly.

Erik uses his storybook to try and convince Jane not to go break Thor out of jail. We know that this is totally going to end in Thor being broken out of jail.

In the holding cell, Coulson tries to get Thor to talk, but Thor is too distraught. When Coulson leaves, Loki appears in a suit. Thor is still bummed but is glad to see his brother, at least until Loki breaks the bad fake news: Odin is dead and Frigga doesn’t want Thor to come back. The thought that either of these things might be a lie just doesn’t even cross Thor’s mind. Thor thanks Loki for stopping by and tries to not weep blood in his anguish.

Loki can’t get the hammer out, either. SMALL MERCIES.

Erik has shown up to save the day with falsified records indicating Thor is Donald Blake, MD, and he was just on a bender when he decided to break into the crash site and try to steal a hammer. Coulson doesn’t believe a word of it, but releases Thor with a tail. Erik and Thor go drinking–Erik makes Thor promise to go away and leave Jane alone if he buys the next round, and Thor agrees.

Jötunheimr. Loki beams down to the surface and has a tête-à-tête with Laufey, promising to cloak some Frost Giants, sneak them into Asgard, and allow them to murder Odin and take back their glowbox. Laufey accepts. Heimdall calls Loki on his bullshit when he returns, saying that he sees all so it’s super weird that he couldn’t see Loki, and does Loki have any thoughts on that? Loki gets defensive and orders Heimdall to not open the Bifröst to anyone.

Thor totally outdrinks Erik and carries him to Jane’s desert trailer, fireman-style. Jane, flustered again, shoves her Kashi GO LEAN into a random drawer and lets Erik sleep it off on her bed. She takes Thor to the Roof of Sad Nerdlings.

Thor gives her back her book of research, apologizing that he didn’t manage to swipe the rest of her stuff. They talk, and Thor gives her a basic rundown of Yggdrasil (complete with diagrams) and how, in his world, science and magic are the same.

Fandral is pacing and bitching at Volstagg because Volstagg is a stress eater; Volstagg returns with one of the greatest lines ever, “Do not mistake my appetite for apathy!” Well said, düde. The group decides that they have to get Thor back. Volstagg shushes them because “Heimdall may be watching.” Four seconds later, a guard shows up because Heimdall demands their presence. Volstagg: “We‘re doomed.”

However, Heimdall is all for their scheme: “You would defy the commands of Loki, our king, break every oath you have taken as warriors, and commit treason to bring Thor back?”

Sif: “Yes.”

Heimdall: “Good.”

Heimdall walks off, leaving the Bifröst open for them to use because he can’t directly defy Loki and open it himself. They zap themselves to Midgard, crashing in the desert.

Thor and Jane make breakfast for Erik and Darcy. It’s cute, and worth noting how fast and how easily Thor is able to adapt to his new life. It’s been, what, a day since he was told he’s stuck being a human forever?

Sif, Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral stroll through the tiny New Mexican town in all their armor, drawing stares. The S.H.I.E.L.D. agents watching the town call them in as Xena, Jackie Chan, and Robin Hood. They show up at the college, grinning and waving like dorks when they see Thor through the glass doors.

"We were hiding under your porch because we love you!"

Jane, Darcy, and Erik all drop their glasses in a cute ironic echo, stunned at having found a group of people less cool than they are. They clear up the confusion regarding Loki’s lies fairly quickly, as they‘ve come to bring him home to his totally not-dead father.

Loki meets Heimdall on the Bifröst, where Heimdall has figured some shit out. Loki relieves him of his duties and banishes him from Asgard, so Heimdall tries to attack. Loki freezes him with the giants’ cube.

Stormclouds gather into a funnel in the desert. Darcy wonders aloud if someone else was coming. The Destroyer appears out of the clouds, and in the middle of the desert, Agent Sitwell wonders aloud if this is one of Stark’s. Hee. Coulson tries to megaphone it, but the Destroyer shoots energy beams at their vehicles and marches toward the little town. Thor tells Jane to leave; he’s not going to fight, because he’d only be in the way as a mortal, but he volunteers to help get the townspeople to safety. Jane says she’s staying. Our heroes start herding everyone out of there while Sif and the Warriors Three prepare for battle. Sif tells them to keep it distracted and breaks off from the group. Fandral and Hogun throw Volstagg at the Destroyer, but it swats him aside. It’s about to energy-beam him when Sif jumps from a rooftop and impales it on her spear.

There is a premature sigh of relief before the Destroyer kicks up again and turns itself backwards to energy-blast Sif, hurting her and the others and wrecking the town in a way I’d love to see S.H.I.E.L.D. try to explain.

Thor tells the humans to run, and prepares to…apologize to Loki through the Destroyer. The Destroyer powers down for a moment, but it backhands Thor hard enough to kill him for a little while. Jane cries over him, but Erik yanks her back as Mjöllnir flies in to the rescue, finally finding Thor worthy of being Thor. His armor and cape come back, and the crowd of people I saw the movie with at 9:30 on a Sunday night were still jazzed enough to give a collective YEAH! and clap.

Thor creates a hammer tornado and reduces the Destroyer to scrap metal. He walks out of the cloud of dirt and dust and falling debris, and Jane tells him the red-cape, armor, and sweet-ass glow of victory about him is a good look.

Coulson shows up, and Thor (calling him “son of Coul”) convinces him that they’re on the same side, and Coulson should give Jane all her research and equipment back. Coulson’s like “Fine, okay.” Thor asks Jane if she wants to see the rainbow bridge, and she does. He tucks her into his side and flies off, Coulson shouting that he needs to debrief them. Someone’s getting debriefed, bow chicka pow pow.

Loki lets the Frost Giants into Asgard with a warm welcome. Two of them stand next to the frozen Heimdall. I feel like they’re not going to end well.

Thor tells Heimdall to open the gate once they get to the desert, but it takes a few tries before Heimdall busts out of his ice prison, kills the giants, and drags himself over to let Thor &co. back in. Thor makes out with Jane a bit before he and Sif and the Warriors Three zip back to Asgard. Thor orders them to take Heimdall to the healing room, which were Odin’s exact words re: Fandral when he brought them back from Jötunheimr. Volstagg pulls Heimdall’s sword out and closes the bridge.

King Laufey and two other giants break into Odin’s room, where Frigga just picks up a sword and kills one, no big deal. The other one manages to knock her out of commission, though. Thor flies to find his brother, who is currently betraying the shit out of Laufey just as Laufey’s about to shank Odin. How clever! Thor shows up to call Loki out. Loki doesn’t care, and plans on going through with his plot to destroy the giants’ realm. He knocks Thor through a wall and rides to Heimdall’s party pad, turning on the Bifröst. Its energy will build until Jötunheimr is a pile of dirty ice cubes. For all Loki’s deception, manipulation, and attempted fratricide, he really thought he was doing it for the right reasons, and that’s what makes him a great antagonist.

Loki attempts to force Thor to fight him, saying that he never wanted to be king, he just wanted to be Thor’s equal. Thor refuses to fight, even when Loki slaps him in the face with a sword and knocks him across the room. The white tendrils of Yggdrasil twist through the place, and it’s a very dramatic setpiece for being almost entirely computer generated.

Loki threatens Jane, which finally makes Thor fight. They knock each other out onto the rainbow bridge, where Loki lands badly and dangles from the edge. Thor goes to help him without a second thought, but it was a trick. Suddenly there are like five million Lokis laughing. Thor manages to smack the right one down, and leaves his hammer on Loki’s chest while he goes to try and stop the destruction of Jötunheimr. It looks hopeless, but he decides to call his hammer back and smash through the rainbow bridge with brute force.

Odin wakes up after the first blow to the bridge. Loki tries to yell for Thor to stop, that if he breaks the bridge he’ll never see Jane again, but Thor continues. Loki gets up and leaps into the air with his spear. I don’t know if he was trying to kill Thor or help him finish breaking the bridge, but the bridge explodes magnificently. Heimdall’s house falls off the edge of the world.

He had just finished decorating and everything.

I would be so pissed.

Thor and Loki go off the edge, too. It looks like they’re dangling into space, Thor holding Loki while Odin holds them both. He’s more than willing to pull both up, no harm, no foul, but Loki is overcome with emotion and drops off into the cold recesses of the cosmos.

Back in the desert, Jane finally gives up on Thor coming back, and Charlie Brown-walks back to the science van.

In Asgard, everyone’s partying except Thor, Heimdall, and Odin, because they have to have a Moment. Odin tells Thor he’s made him proud. Thor is glad, and goes to ask Heimdall if Earth is lost to them forever. Heimdall says no, there’s always hope.

In the college lab, Jane, Erik, and Darcy, with government funding, are going to rebuild a bridge.

Please like & share:
  • Abefroman

    This was hilarious. Bet the movie won’t be as good.

    • Sam

      Thank you! I don’t think you’ll be disappointed when you see it. It was this perfect mix of fun and actual pathos that you don’t get very often in movies like this.

  • lexi

    The Kashi Go Lean sticks out for me too. This is the best, funniest review of the movie. I kind of wish I had just read this instead, Your review is better. But the movie was fun

    • Sam

      Haha, the product placement in this movie was great. Thank you!

  • Terina

    Did anyone stay to see the rest after the credits stopped rolling? What was that an introduction to?

    • Sam

      The Avengers film, from what I heard. It’s due out next May.

  • Love it! Also I did think Hopkins hams it up a bit in the movie

    • Sam

      Thank you! Truthfully, I can’t think of a recent movie where he hasn’t hammed it up.

  • This review is hysterical, but this made me LOL the hardest: “Darcy takes a picture of him for Facebook in which he is cheesin’ mad hard, and everything about this scene is so cute I might vomit cotton candy.”

    awesome and well done!

    • Sam

      I DID IN FACT VOMIT COTTON CANDY. For unrelated reasons, though.

      Thank you so much for reading!

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  • Dood… your characterization of “Thorge W. Bush” is like one of the best things I’ve read all week… next to that thing you wrote in the “Captain America” recap.

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