Project Runway 9.8; What Women Want

Guest judge is Malin Akerman. Air Date: 09/15/11. For this episode, the designers must design a look for a client’s wife or girlfriend.

*This episode recap is rated IMA for Immature audiences only. The sub-ratings for this recap are as follows:

  • D for intensly suggestive dialogue (better safe than sorry here. There is a lot of vagina punching going on.)
  • L for crude indecent language (I’m pretty sure “vagina punch” is considered crude and indecent language to some people–none of which are my friends, but hey. That’s why there’s a warning.
  • S for explicit sexual activity (Sadly, there is no sexual activity in the actual recap, unless you’re into vagina punching.)
  • V for graphic violence (aka: vagina punch.)

I’m gonna go on record right now and say if there isn’t at least 1 double digit sized woman in this episode, I’m gonna choke a bitch. Not sure which bitch, but I’m sure it will be a skinny one.

Heidi tells the designers that for this challenge they won’t be working with their regular models. And then out walk a bunch of everyday Joes. And one Joe Dirt. She also announces that there is no immunity for this challenge.

Anya gets to choose first and then everyone else chooses. As the selection begins to whittle down, Emo Oliver is all whiney because the only people left on stage are fat people. “And fat is fine, just not when you’re making clothes.” I think I just discovered the skinny bitch I will be killing if I get the chance.

Tim gets the joy of actually telling everyone that they are actually designing for the women in the men’s life. They are all stoked not to be designing for men, especially Emo. I’m so hoping his client is the size of a hippo. (not that there’s anything wrong with that, she says looking in the mirror.)

Ok, Emo is pissed because his girl has “ginormous” breasts. (his words) He doesn’t like big boobs because they get in the way and look terrible on the runway. I can’t stop laughing at this.

And it gets even better. He goes to Tim Gunn (you know, because Tim is so into boobs) and asks him if he knows what exactly DD breasts are. And Tim says, “what do I know about it??? I just know it’s a bra size! I don’t have any personal experience with that.” Joe Dirt (real name Brian, who I actually adore) laughs so hard, he pops a button on his short sleeved flannel shirt. Emo says, “I don’t know if I can pull this off. Those boobs to me are trouble.”

Every time Emo comes on the screen I want to PUNCH HIM IN THE VAGINA.

Okay, so Emo’s girl is a titsicle. Scrawny legs, giant tits. And Emo doesn’t like any his clients’ ideas. And they don’t like the colors he chose. And I’m loving all of this.

Bryce is kinda adorable right now because his clients are so in love and he misses his boyfriend. Aw. I just wanna share a milkshake with him and give him a big squishy hug.

This is totally the Emo show. He is constatnly whining to the camera. “I wish people would just shut up and let me tell them what to do.”

VAGINA PUNCH.

Tim goes from designer to designer and everything seems to go well. He gets to Team Emo and he tells them the colors are “a bit crayon-y” and he tells Emo he has “time managment issues.” The clients agree he was slow and Emo wanted to cry. I giggled and refrained from punching him
in the vagina this time because he was already sad enough.

Show day! Everyone is rushing to finish, because naturally, everyone is behind and they only have two hours to finish up. Tim does not approve.

Emo is stressed out having to deal with these stupid little things, like clients. He’s tired of “stupid talking clients.” He said he wishes he had a quiet model who just shut up and did her job.

VAGINA PUNCH.

5 minutes til runway time and Emo is running around looking for his client who he’s again, “really tired of.” He’s still sewing in the hallway and Tim gives him a verbal spanking. You know what I gave him? Yes. Yes you do.

VAGINA PUNCH.

Laura: her client says it is an elegant gown. Laura says it’s beautiful. The fabric is flowing and the girls look great without a bra. Safe.

Anthony Ryan: loves the fit and the pop of the color. He wishes there was more “him” in the design. The clients are very happy and absolutely love the dress. Malin says it reminds her of a cigarette girl. Heidi says it reminds her of an old lady dress, not vintage. Nina says the white belt is terrible. Michael says she looks like a super hero ice skater. Heidi says it’s super safe and super boring.

Bert: confident and thinks she looks awesome. The clients love it. Michael says it is made beautifully and cut well, but the dress looks like one you can find in a million stores. Malin says it’s the same dress she sees everywhere. Nina says it should be longer and not so tight.

Josh: it’s fantastic, but it’s a risk for him because it is too simple. Heidi is shocked it’s not bedazzed and thinks it’s chic and sassy. Josh says it was a good challenge for him to dial it back. Malin loves the back and detailing. Michael Kors says she looks like a modern Grace Kelley. Nina says it’s classic and flirty. And Wow.

Bryce: He likes the silhouette, the color and loves the pockets. The clients think it’s a fun dress. Nina says it has too many details and they swallow her up. Malin loves the pockets and the color, but it doesn’t fit well. Heidi says she likes the collar but not the pockets. They’re too big. Michael says the tailoring is off. Too many puckered seams.

Kimberly: overjoyed because the client looks great and you can see she feels great. Safe

Oliver: she looked really good and he loved how it turned out after all that. Safe on the show. But he’s not safe from the VAGINA PUNCH which I gave him on principal.

Anya: the flow of the dress is great and she’s happy the clients are happy. The clients are extremely happy. Michael Kors says the dress is fabulous. Heidi likes it because it’s unusual and not seen everyday. Nina loves the material but doesn’t like the long sleeve. Malin loves the sleeve and calls it classy. She would wear it on the red carpet.

Viktor: the fitting is perfect and he says the garment speaks for itself. Heidi says it’s a great outfit, very fashionable. Malin says beautiful lines and lovely top. Michael thinks she’s slightly over accessorized, but thinks she’s powerful looking. Nina calls it charming and agrees that maybe she’s a bit too accessorized, but thinks it’s adorable. (I LOVE THIS OUTFIT HARD AND WANT IT FOR MYSELF. NOW.)

Congratulations Joshua More!More!More! they are so proud of you for dialing back! The judges admit they had a hard time picking a winner for this challenge. Anya, Viktor, and Bert are safe. They tell Bert if he doesn’t step it up and stop being so simple, he’s not going to last much longer.

Auf Wiedersehen Bryce. We’re gonna miss you Poindexter!

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