Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Guide and Quiz

The Walking Dead starts tonight, and should serve as a reminder to the masses that this is our inevitable future.

Are you prepared?

If you’ve not asked yourself these serious questions, you should save your loved one the trouble of putting you down like a rabid dog and take yourself out of the game quickly.  Fortunately, there’s still time.  Ask yourself these questions.  You get one point for every “Yes” answer.

The Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Quiz

  1. Has your family rehearsed Apocalypse-escape routes from the home?
  2. Does your family know what to do before, during, and after a zombie attack?
  3. Has your family been trained in basic firearm use and safety?
  4. Hand to hand combat in tight or enclosed places?
  5. Do you have heavy objects hanging nearby that can be used to brain an attacker?
  6. Do you have access to an operational flashlight in every room?
  7. Do you keep shoes near your bed to protect your feet in case of imminent danger where you may have to flee or fight?
  8. If a water line broke, do you know how to shut off the main water line to the house?
  9. Can this water valve be turned off by hand without a tool, and do you have a tool if needed?
  10. Do you know where the main gas shut off valve to your house is located?
  11. Do you know how to siphon off gas to make a molotv cocktail to defend your home against raiders?
  12. Do you know to not set zombies on fire as that only makes them moving fire balls?
  13. In case of zombies setting fire to your home, do you know how to operate a fire extinguisher?
  14. Have you recently checked your fire extinguisher for charge?
  15. Do you have a store of weapons, either hand-operated or ammo-operated nearby?
  16. Are you capable of making a kill shot (to the head) with one shot?
  17. Can all family members make a kill shot if needed?
  18. Can you bring yourself to make a kill shot on an infected loved one?
  19. Are you capable of making reloads for your firearms?
  20. Is your storage of survival goods equipped with a minimum of 50 pounds each of saltpeter, charcoal, and sulfur?
  21. Do you have an emergency radio to monitor any government offers of support or aid?
  22. Have you devised a plan to erase all signs of life from your dwelling should the government collapse and chaos ensues? (Expect this)
  23. Have you designated a meeting place for your family members if the Apocalypse starts when you are all out of the house?
  24. Do you have sufficient food for everyone in the home, including useful pets?*
  25. What about the ability to cook and prepare this food in your shelter?
  26. Do you have sufficient water for drinking and sanitary needs, typically 1 gallon per person per day?
  27. Is there a first aid kit in your home, car, and safe house?
  28. Do you have tools for minor rescue and clean up operations?
  29. Do you have emergency cash/gold reserves for bartering? (Only necessary in first wave before society collapses.)
  30. Do you have a way to heat/cool your home without electricity?
  31. Do you have enough generators to power the amount of square footage/machines for your home or shelter?
  32. Storage of fuel sufficient to run said generators for a minimum of six months?
  33. Do you have the capability of converting generators to alternative sources of power such as geothermal, solar, wind, manual?
  34. Do you have a bare minimum of six month’s supply of medications on hand, including, but not limited to: prescriptions, aspirin, antibiotics, ammonia, ipecac, hydrogen peroxide, calamine lotion, bicarbonate of soda, antihistamines, sterile gauze?
  35. Have you planed a designated toilet area for when the water stops running as society crumbles?
  36. Do you have food, clothing and fuel for six months?
  37. A year?
  38. The ability to create said items for an indefinite amount of time (read: forever?)
  39. The ability to create fire without matches?
  40. Do you have seeds for important crops stored safely in a cool, dark, dry location?
  41. Do you have knowledge or materials detailing your USDA Hardiness Zone and a general understanding of when to plant specific crops?
  42. Do you have knowledge regarding irrigation methods or a basic know-how for dry gardening?
  43. Are you prepared for the responsibility of repopulating the earth with any healthy, viable person regardless of likability or orientation?
  44. Are you willing to take in people that have valuable skills (blacksmithing, weaving, hunting, superior food preparation, medical training beyond first aid, botany) regardless of their personalities or likability?
  45. Are you prepared to expel anyone that interferes with the survival of the group regardless of familial affiliation or other emotional connections?
  46. Do you have a copy of the following books; Gray’s Anatomy – Unabridged, Country Wisdom & Know-How, Gardening When It Counts, US Army-issue Field Survival Handbook, When Technology Fails, and any manuals to run/maintain/repair important machines such as generators, vehicles, solar energy storage units, etc?

*All caged animals should be considered a part of food storage when civilization begins its collapse, including, but not limited to: lizards, birds, gerbils, fish, rodents.

If you scored 40 or less, you have a lot of work to do, my friend.  Start off by creating a 73 Hour Emergency Kit.  Why the extra hour? You’re already dead if you’re asking that.

In your 73 hour emergency kit you should have:

  • enough food & water for every member of your family, including important pets
  • do I even have to remind you to have a can opener?
  • medical supplies, including any routine medication, aspirin, bandages, braces, antiseptic, tweezers, heavy gauge thread and a needle, rubbing alcohol, and a multi-purpose tool
  • clothing appropriate to the climate
  • cash to grease the skids
  • gasoline or petroleum to power vehicles, homes or generators
  • weapons and their appropriate ammo
  • twine and bailing wire – they always serve a purpose
  • duct tape

Step one when a cataclysmic emergency presents itself, fill every receptacle in your house with water, from sinks to bathtubs to pots and pans. You can never have enough water stored.

Step two is to avoid panicking and racing to mega stores to stock up on supplies. If you don’t have supplies already, you may as well eat the end of a shotgun now.

While everyone is racing around getting in car accidents and fist fights, you’re working on step three: fortifying your home (or fleeing to your secret safe house.) Windows blocked, doors re-inforced, supplies moved to either the top floor of the home or secreted away in a basement with a false wall to hide it.

If your library isn’t organized, this is a great time to get all of your manuals and survivalist self-help books sorted.

Begin preparation for long term storage: will you remain in your home or will you wait for the first and second waves of death and destruction before bugging out? If you plan on leaving, begin organizing everyone’s loads, and everyone pitching in with supplies, or they can be locked outside and join the dead. THE TIME TO BE TOUGH IS NOW.

Determine where sleeping quarters will be. Gone are the days of privacy, that way leads to death. It’s tribal life or it’s getting intimate with the digestive system of the undead.

Let this serve as your warning. They’re coming; that’s not a question. The question is:  will you survive?

Be sure to tune in to AMC every Sunday night for The Walking Dead, and our recaps every Monday morning.  IT COULD JUST SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Please like & share:
  • Brunettepet

    It’s official, I am going to be zombie fodder in the Zombie Apocalypse. All I can hope is I’ll take a couple out with me *pats baseball bat*

    Baseball is keeping me from watching the premiere at premiere time. I am bereft!

    • Pfft, who cares about the Brewers or Cardinals game! RANGERS, BABY! ;D

      And I appreciate that you are looking at this with a cool head – if you’re going to die, and I’m assuming you will, it’s good of you to take a few Zeds out when you go. You’re good people.

  • Christy

    I scored very high, thankyouverymuch. I am hoping that B can get himself an ammo maker sometime soon. He unloaded that bag of bullets today at the shooting range. I am, however, worried about the kids. When they were smaller it would have been easy to carry them strapped to us in the event of an apocalypse. Now they are too big for that, but too small to carry their own weight. Suggestions?

    • get them used to carrying loads on their back by weighing down backpacks with a few canned goods and a thin bedroll attached. Wall squats would also be recommended. It’s never too early to train kids in cardio and moderate weight lifting. Also viable solutions: sleds, pulled by either the adults, older children, or pack animals.

  • Kristi Edwards

    My family may survive the apocalypse only because we have friends who are more prepared, but foolish enough to think we are moral and would never pillage their provisions.

    19. Are you capable of making reloads for your firearms?
    Well, my husband can make a pipe out of anything. I think he would pick up this skill quickly.

    22. Have you devised a plan to erase all signs of life from your dwelling should the government collapse and chaos ensues? (Expect this)
    Our house always looks abandoned, dilapidated, and uninhabited.

    29. Do you have emergency cash/gold reserves for bartering? (Only necessary in first wave before society collapses.)
    I have a vagina on me at all times.

    • I think he could easily pick up the skill. And because of J’s ability to build, weld, construct anything, he will be welcomed readily into our New World Order.

      “I have a vagina on me at all times.” I don’t know why you think you won’t survive with an attitude like that. GOOD JOB, SOLDIER.

    • Christy

      That last one? It made me pee a little.
      Also, I would recommend stocking up on cigarettes. Less diseasy.

      • WRONG. You stock up on cigarettes, toilet paper, and tampons to be used as bartering items when society has collapsed. That, plus water and fresh foods will be the new gold.

        COME ON, CHRISTY, GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!

  • Christy

    Dudebro, that is what I was saying. Instead of vagina for barter, it’s cigarettes and tp. Not for personal use, but for barter.

    • You need to read your Robert McCammon – vag is totally a viable item for barter.

    • Ahahahahahaha. BOYS ARE GROSS.

  • DragonflyLady

    I’m so gonna be eaten… My only hope is to fill my car at the gas station and hightail it to my best friend’s farm in the hills. He’s got 500 acres of deer and a shit load of guns… He’ll protect me and my babies!!

    • Better yet, get a motorcycle so you can weave through traffic, or a dirt bike so you can get off road if you need to jam. ;)

      • DragonflyLady

        Not sure I can fit my 2 kids on a dirt bike…

        Pete said why bring food? Just bring beer and whisky… Hmm. I’d rather have water…

  • Christy

    I’m just thinking that The Beav should be used as the item of last resort. Unless you want to walk down the Cormac McCarthy road of post-apocalyptic baby eating. Oh- and I’m totally going to ladies night at the gun range this week.

  • Frances

    My only viable weapons are dozens of 4 inch stilettos. And I scored a 3. I’m toast.

    • Break off those heels and embed them in a plank of wood and that’s actually a hell of a weapon, Frances. ;)

  • Mc Mcerson

    I was going to rely on dropped off Zombie limbs as my primary food source. Sure, I might get infected eating the flesh of the undead, but if I spend my days listlessly shuffling around with vacant eyes it’s really not a big change from my present life anyway.

  • Sam H

    My dad restores guns for funsies and is teaching me everything I need to know to keep a firearm operational in all conditions, too, but the rest of my family is like “lol nah.” My shrieks of rage at their unwillingness to learn fall on deaf ears. :(

    I scored pretty low! But I feel like we have different apocalypse plans altogether, so I will not take it personally. MAYBE.

    • Clearly your family will not survive, so it’s up to you to carry the family through. You nail down those sniper and break-down/reassemble skills and you have a place in our compound.

      • Sam H

        True story: I have about five serious business contingency plans that I would actually consider implementing (but like thirty others that I wouldn’t), and three of them involve me making sure that my family knows there are zombies out there, then abandoning them if they don’t want to go on the move with me. It’s awful. BUT THEY DON’T GET IT.

  • StrtMyOrange

    I’m totally a zombie tasty treat! I scored 14. I don’t mind so much because I’m a wimp that will not do well without civilization & its trappings. However, I will try to take out as many of the walking dead as I can before having my family put me out of my misery.

    • You will keep them at bay while I work on reloads and building hand to hand weapons, so thank you for that. :D

      And I appreciate your dedication to thinning the herd. You’re good people.

  • Geeka

    I love this post. Because of the tsunami in Japan, I asked for a shotgun for my b-day. My dad gave me a Taurus Judge instead. He asked why I wanted a shotgun. I told him looters and zombies. My next request is some long range walkie talkies. I’m slowly stock piling. I like storing water in old bleach jugs. Just enough bleach to keep the water clean.

    Thanks for the book references.

    • That Country Wisdom & Know How book is OUTSTANDING. Highly recommended. (But never under-estimate the smarts of a handgun!!) ;)

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