X Factor USA 1.12(2) – Top 11 Results

Is there anything more enjoyable than watching someone have a nervous breakdown on live TV? Other than every other thing ever, I mean. Read on to find out who put the awk in awkward tonight. 

The producers learned their lesson the hard way last week when the contestants were caught lip-synching, and badly at that. This week when the Group Sing performs Save the World, it’s very much live. It may not be as smooth as a pre-recorded version, but at least it doesn’t humiliate the singers quite as much.

Right off, LA tries to lessen his dinkatude by apologizing to Melanie Amaro for being unnecessarily cruel to her last night. Not to her face or anything, but still. She can watch it later on her PVR. As Simon tells him when LA tries to foist unwanted advice on them after the show: Kthxbye.

Before we get to the heartbreak and anguish, Willow Smith needs to perform her new single. Proving that Lady GaGa isn’t the only one to push the fashion envelope inside out, Willow wears WHITE MASCARA. And glues SEQUINS to her LIP. Shut up, she’s twelve. The song’s about what you’d expect (sans hair whipping), and she’s a skinny little thing but is most definitely a fireball, just like the name of her song. I did think as she was performing that Rachel Crow is just as comfortable on stage as Willow, and she’s been doing this for weeks, not years. Rachel is possibly my favourite. Shh, don’t tell anyone.

Wait, one more performance before the results. It’s Jessie J, she of Price Tag fame. She’s wearing a bodysuit that makes her look like she’s wearing peek-a-boo strips of coloured duct tape; I approve. I enjoy her song very much, and am irked when LA can’t be arsed to stand up and applaud with the other judges when she’s done, even though he stood up for Willow Smith. Hmph. He’s much to busy drinking his Pepsi, it seems. The very best part comes after Jessie J is through singing and Steve is chatting a moment with her. He compliments her on her duct tape outfit and she says she has another one backstage for him to wear. But he misses the joke and has no idea what she’s talking about, and befuddled hilarity ensues.

Okay, let’s get down to business. One by one, Steve reads out the names of the nine acts that have made it through, although they’re in NO PARTICULAR ORDER, bitches. Remember it or dieeee. Chris Rene is the last act automatically through, and that leaves both Groups (Stereo Hogzz and Lakota Rayne) as the bottom two. Hoo boy, poor Paula. Two of her acts are losers two weeks in a row and there’s a good chance all three of her acts are going to be booted off one after the other. I’m curious to know what will happen if she loses all three of her acts. She won’t have anybody to mentor or live with her; she might have to start cleaning Nicole’s bathrooms or something.  Yikes.

Anyway, it’s time for the acts to sing for their lives. They’re both nervous and it shows loud and clear in their voices. Ironically, the girls sing No Air, and they’re breathless and rushed throughout. The Hogzz especially sound jangly and off-key as they struggle through You Are Not Alone. When they’re done it’s up to the judges to decide who goes home. LA, after so much waffling Steve has to yell at him, picks the Stereo Hoggs to leave. Nicole does the same, citing grrl power forevah.

That leaves Paula and Simon. Paula starts to crack, her voice and her sanity in unison, and she refuses to vote. Steve tries to bully her into it, but she flat out refuses. At least, until Steve points out that means The Stereo Hogzz will go home because the majority of the remaining judges already chose to send them home. She freaks out just a little wee bit and that’s when we find out that somebody somewhere should have made the rule state that the judges vote for the act they want to KEEP, because that’s what they keep doing regardless. After a dizzying back-and-forth, Paula, shaking and distraught, says she refuses to vote for Stereo Hogzz just so it won’t be her that sends anyone home. It’s a magnificent meltdown if I do say so myself. Poor Paula.

Simon isn’t quite so emotional (alert the  media), but even he is desperate to name the act he wants to save, because this is Opposite Day. Except it isn’t, so Steve makes him say the name of the act he wants to send home, dammit.  And that is: Stereo Hogzz. They take it well (a hell of a lot better than Paula anyway), and philosophically jiggle their necklaces and sexy-shoot the camera. I don’t know why. It’s an emotional moment, k? And with that, they bring home the bacon for good. Har dee har har.

Next week: Lakoda Rayne pees their pants in terror. Y/N?

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