Glee! 3.09 – Extraordinary Merry Christmas

Their holiday is automatically better than yours. That's the real Chewbacca there!

It’s the one where they forgot the Gays and the Jews!  Pfft, what do they have to do with Christmas anyway, right?  Since I am sans computer, we’re going without a Special Cocktail today for this Special Episode, but if you pour a generous amount of rum in some eggnog, I’ll join you.

I’m drinking through the whole thing, that way it’s just like the 60s!  Aw, cocktail culture, if only you weren’t so white and uptight, I would have loved you dearly. If not for the love of booze, then for the apps on toothpicks.

 

We open with Mercedes busting out Mariah Carrey’s “All I Want For Christmas” which first of all, Mercedes is the only person on this show that can take on Mariah and do it well, which she does, and secondly, I can’t hear this song without immediately wanting to watch “Love, Actually.”  Guys?  To me, you’re perfect.

She decorates a huge tree, the song is cut short (a theme for this episode, unfortunately) and we have Kurt tapping in the background, Sam flirting with Mercedes, Brittany and Santana hugging, and the most meta thing on the show ever.

So, Chris and Darren (and others) have been asked repeatedly to explain the scenes where a Gleek or three are standing on chairs, staring out the window – what are they looking at?! The camera shoots in from the window because they have been looking at us.  The machine has become sentient, people.

And then Rachel and Finn kiss, because the producers aren’t quite brave enough to feature all the couples this episode.  I feel for you, other couples, I really do.

Rachel hands Finn a list, which he immediately assumes is his “Things you did wrong this week” list, and he was fairly sure they agreed that those were more harmful than helpful?  No, silly boots!  Your lovely Jewish girlfriend is being respectful of your religion by giving you a helpful list of 15 items she wants, and you only have to pick 5!  Isn’t that thoughtful? (She heard you were struggling.)

Cut to flashback in the locker room where Finn laments that he has no idea what to buy her.

Artie: Socks!
Mike: A Wok!
Rory: Soil! (bless)
Blaine: Yes, socks!  Everyone keeps telling me to stop going barefoot.
Kurt: [leans over from mirror, rubbing Nivea night cream into his cheeks]

Rachel insists with a smile that Finn get with the program and buy her something, because she deserves it.  (You know how her kind can be about money. You know: divas.  What, did you think I was going somewhere else? Shame on you.)

Sue calls in Wheels, Porcelain, and Other Gay. She tells them that Christmas – aside from being a time that’s squirmy for Jews (we atheists don’t give a shit) – it’s also a time of forgiveness.  She forgives Artie for saying “preach,” Kurt for his sweater, and Blaine for… well, she’ll think of something. He reminds her of a Young Burt Reynolds, pre-Playgirl.

In that same spirit, how about they get off their duffs and join her at the homeless shelter the Friday before Christmas to give the gift of song to the homeless?  (Haven’t they suffered enough?  <– wasted Sue line, I’m just saying. It would have worked, writers.)  She’s trying to stay busy since her sister Jean died, and Sarah Palin had to cancel on their helicopter reindeer hunt because Todd got a little sand in his lady purse over her missing his ballet recital. (He’s one of the sugar plum fairies this year, that’s huge!)

They agree to it, Merry Christmas, every one!

In Glee Club, Rory has a sad because his mudder cain’t be comin’ ta the states fer this holiday toime, it’s too expensive ta travel from Oirland.  So he’d like to sing a song and dedicate it to her and the King. (Kurt: Jesus?)

Cue: Elvis’ “Blue Christmas,” a song I need for it to feel like the holidays.  (That and the John Denver & The Muppets Christmas Album. ) I think this kid has a lovely set of pipes, I do.  But it’s Elvis. And when Elvis sings it, you kinda get the impression that he’s slowly undoing the ties on some hot chick’s lacy underthings, you know?  With Rory I just get sad.

Same with Santana, who says she’s depressed now, thanks. (Methinks she’s thinking of her abuela.) Rachel encourages everyone to get happy and joyful, that’s what Christmas is all about, and she should know, she’s Jewish! Enter Will with an awesome plan!

The local PBS station lost their license to the Yule Log show, so how about the Gleeks put on a Christmas Special to save the Colonel’s Vermont Inn? Or, erm, the school play with the dancing and Schroder on piano?  Wait, wrong one, George Bailey is going to not commit suicide now! Crud…the Mighty Ducks take home the gold?  I CAN’T REMEMBER, IT’S JUST GOING TO BE GREAT, OKAY?

Even better, Artie is going to direct!  Um, excuse me, Mr. Schue, but directing TV is for losers.  Who do you think he is, Eric Stoltz? (Side note, Matthew Morrison directed this episode. Ha!) Artie’s going to need to think on this.  Why? So they can jam in random stuff and cut important Britanna/Klaine scenes, that’s why.

Rory has another sad at Sam’s locker.  Sam offers to help him out, because he understands Rory’s pain.  He’s been homeless, you guys.  He gets it.  He is now the magical black man of the show (which is why he and Mercedes are going to hook up again before he pushes a broom off into the sky.) Rory couldn’t be happier, as Brittany and her family are off to Santa Fey, leaving him all alone with Lord Tubbington (fic writers? Get on that NOW. And link me.) Sam lays some ho-yay on him by asking him home for the holidays with him and help “keep him awake” on the long drive.  Nice.

The PBS manager has a meeting with Artie, super excited to have a minority running the show.  (He’s Albanian, isn’t he?) Artie will do this if two things happen, or it’s a no:

1. There needs to be Star Wars, because everyone knows that the original Star Wars Christmas is the Troll 2 of holiday specials. (They spent all their money on the upcoming set and Chewbacca.)

2. It’s going to be shot in black and white.

Done!

Rachel, in a lovely green dress with the lovliest bodice,  sings a horribly depressing Christmas song by Joni Mitchell, making everyone want to lay on some train tracks and end it all.  Happy Holidays! (She has a beautiful voice.  It’s not a holly, jolly song, and she got onto Rory for his lack of cheer, like, five minutes ago.)

Also,  Mr. Schuester, are you totally cool with your student singing “he loved me so naughty?”  Because I have a vivid imagination. At least Kurt and Blaine are sitting together for once.  Artie is not down with this sound.  Um, he asked for a merry Christmas, not a morose Christmas.

Rachel is pissed, what, he has a vision of something else?  CUE THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER.

“We begin in the Swiss Alps in the village of Gstaad in the perfectly appointed living room of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson’s chic, swank chalet. […] Kurt and Blaine, the perfect hosts, have invited their friends to drop in for an evening of Noel Coward-esque banter and fun happy cheer-filled songs.”

He tells Rachel that if she wants an invite, she better pick a number more up-tempo.  DRUNKEN THOUGHTS FOR MORE ON THIS. (I’m just drinking, I don’t need a bingo game.)

Also, they’re going to get Rory to play Itchy the Christmas Elf so he can read a reboot of Frosty the Snowman where he doesn’t die, but falls in love with Uhuru and becomes the most un-Vulcan of them all.  Wait…

Sam is just plain pissed.  He didn’t leave Bo Duke and speechless mother in another state just so they can have a happy holiday. Christmas is supposed to be SAD. GUYS HE WAS HOMELESS. Artie isn’t okay with that, so Sam storms off to find other people as sad as him – it’s the reason for the season!!

“I’m going to ring a bell for the Salvation Army so I can spit in Klaine and Britanna’s faces!”  [Um, what the hell, writers?]

Finn finds Rachel at the lockers.  She immediately is all grabby hands with wanting a gift (god, her type, right?  You know what I mean.  People of her persuasion?  Sopranos?) and Finn pulls out a card with a pig on it, and she immediately recoils, because she’s Jewish and keeps Kosher. Also, she’s a vegan.

No, no, see, it’s a pig he bought in her name for other people, they’re going to fatten it up and kill it!  MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERY ONE! I laughed every time they called it a “sow pig.” A sow means it’s a lady pig; it’s not a breed. She’s offended, he just wanted to be enough, and she WANTS THINGS, GOD.

 Back in Glee, Blaine opens up with “Extraordinary Christmas” – an original song written just for this episode.  I liked it. I also liked that Rachel, the Hebrew, was in silver and blue for this Christmas number. I also liked that they cut to Kurt smiling happily as Blaine sang, “hold me tight and kiss me slow.”  Nice. And…where is that scene? Brittany and Santana hug and are cute for the split second shot devoted to them. (Come on. Where are their moments?!) Artie loves the number and wants it in the show.

Sue comes in, happy they’re working so hard on her Night of Homelessness.  Um, about that… See, they have a chance to do TV?  So…  Sorry. Sue is disappointed, Artie says she has no leg to stand on, Sue is still pissed and sad.  Whatever.  FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!

IT IS SHOW TIME.

Guys? I found this whole thing hilarious.  So many send ups of so many holiday specials, and I laughed even harder at the second viewing.  I love how preposterous so many things are, like they were having a joke at audiences of old.  “Oh, you thought those bachelors were just fun guys living together, waiting for the right ladies?  WRONG.  Totally doing it.  Ha, ha!”

But it opens with Star Wars titles, (In a chalet, far, far away…)  everyone is featured and named, and the creepy smile that Artie gives as he rolls closer to the camera cracked me up to no end. Also loved the disclaimer for Mike Chang and Tina Cohen-Chang (no relation.)

And it’s sponsored by “Breadstix: Because where else are you going to go?” Feel free to use that, Glee, just give me credit.

Blaine, sitting at the window in classy black and white, starts singing “Let It Snow.” Kurt, in a fabulous 60s suit looking every bit the dapper Dick Van Dyke in silhouette, joins in with some gorgeous harmonies.  They sound amazing together.  Amazing.  And argyle socks! Tap dancing! Their beautiful home! THE GAY CHALET. All of the over the top mugging was funny to me, it was so silly and ridiculous, as those shows were.

Every time they acted shocked by the cameras being there, I laughed.  Kurt introduces himself, and then introduces Blaine his… um…best friend?  Holiday roommate! (Oh, Van Johnson. Did you ever come out?) I love their bachelor chalet and their nod to how ridiculous it’s been over the years to not let two people have a place together without all of the explanations.  Did the long-winded explanations really set middle America’s mind at ease?

Kurt goes to check on his Ebay bid for Elizabeth Taylor’s jewelry as Blaine offers the crowd “libations.”  Could they be more obvious that these shows have been GAY?  Paul Lynde as a divorced father, REALLY?  (If you don’t know who Paul Lynde is, get yourself educated.  He’s the BEST, and one of my personal heroes.) But oh noes, the internets are down, Kurt didn’t get to make his bid!

Audience: AWWW.

Enter Mercedes and Rachel at the front door, there to spread a little holiday cheer!  They act bewildered to be on camera (Rachel totally mugging for the spotlight) and share their holiday gifts with the fellas.  Kurt gets…Elizabeth Taylor’s jewels!  Oh, truly it is a Christmas Miracle! (Mercedes says out of the side of her mouth that it’s more like a Christmas Mark up…canned laughter!)

Kids of today?  This is the kind of shit we older people had to deal with for our holiday specials.

Rachel gives Blaine a gift, and she says in a fabulous Kristen Chenoweth impression, “It’s a bow tie with little Christmas trees on it!”  Blaine couldn’t be more delighted. But wait, there’s more! Candy-cane striped capris! Ahahaha.

Kurt says, filled with holiday cheer, “Jewels and short pants and bowties and good friends…. it’s truly an ideal evening!” They convince the girls to sing “A Few Of My Favorite Things” at their white, ornate baby grand piano. (SERIOUSLY. PEOPLE BOUGHT LIBERACE AS STRAIGHT.)

They sound nice, especially when the four of them harmonize (like, they REALLY sound lovely) but they repeat the same verses over and over and over and I found that bizarre and frustrating as a viewer.  And there is no way that set cost the amount Artie was told to bring it under.  $800? That love seat alone was a few grand – I love mid-century style, this I know. But they sound really nice.

Hey, fellas, where’s that holiday dinner we were promised?  Kurt is the Lucy and oopsie doodles, forgot to turn on the oven!  Well, there goes Christmas.  Way to go.  WAH WAH!  Blaine is all apologies, they’ll fix this…right after a message from their sponsors! [commercial break.]

Kurt Hummel gets off a dirty joke as the show comes back on: “and then I said to Justin Timberlake, ‘That’s not eggnog!'”  Kurt? Chris? Whoever?  I love you.  But gosh, the snow is really coming down!  I hope their friends can all make it…

Kurt deadpans to the camera, “That’s right. Global Climate Change is no laughing matter.” Mercedes kills me with her line, delivered in all seriousness, “I think these are the end times.”  The look Kurt gives her is priceless.

But there are bells jingling, who can that be?  Why, it’s Puck and Finn, dressed as Han Solo and Luke Skywalker! [Seriously. That’s how cheesy the Star Wars special was.  How ALL the specials were.] Puck cracks me up with his inability to act, emphasizing the wrong words.

Rachel laments, “Well, with the climate change and end times [oh my god, hahaha], I just don’t think Santa’s coming.”  Well, how about Luke and Han bust out some Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town?” which is a holiday song I hate?  Puck starts singing about Hanukkah Harry because HE IS JEWISH, Blaine is all, “screw this!” and jumps on the back of the sofa for sexy wiggles and then busts out some bluesy harmonica as Kurt gives him a loving but “Boy, get a load of this guy!” eye roll.

Rachel keeps her hands in front of Mercedes, clapping, and Brittany, Santana and the Cheerios come in and sing ten seconds of one of my favorite holiday songs, “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses.  They spin ribbons, Mike is Santa, and Han and Luke lounge by the fireplace, because this is CRAZY.

I doubled checked, I didn’t drink too much spiked egg nog, this is the show. I LOVE IT.

Rory comes out as Itchy the Elf, ready to read the reboot of Frosty, the Michael Bay version, where he morphs into an Ice Truck and plows into all of the Jews and non-believers of the world in a fiery explosion of holiday cheer.  His tag line?  “Merry Christmas, Mother Fuckers.” (Cool guys don’t look at explosions…)

Except that is not how sweet Rory rolls, he is going to go all Linus up in here, sans blue blankie.  Rachel tight lips, “are you sure?” and yep, he is.  He busts out the Linus Van Pelt “In your face, non believers!” speech, but without the lisp, and throws Jesus right up in that holiday special’s face. Suck it Muslims and Atheists!  This ain’t fa you.

…at least they used him?  And we fade to snow fall and a special feeling in our hearts, the whole point to this Christmas Special stuff in the first place.  (Go top off your enhanced nog.  I’m on #4.)

At the homeless shelter (remember that?) Quinn and Sam are proving that they are better than everyone else by dishing up food to people.  They have a moment where Quinn is actually nice and reflects and grows, and let’s not forget you wrote that, writers! Let Quinn Fabray have a non-awful arc, okay? Sam bestows his approval on her, helps her swing, drives Miss Daisy, and slips away into every Stephen King novel ever.

…he has a multi-ep arc?  Huh.  Well, they’ll probably kill him off or make him a janitor soon enough.

Sue gives a mild PSA that when times are tough people give less, so there’s less food to pass out to everyone when JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, the Gleeks turn up with all the prop food (actual food) to spread around and maybe, just maybe, spread a little holiday cheer?  A FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT!

They sing “Do They Know It’s Christmas Time” which … no, they don’t, because they’re Africans who are mostly not Christian.  So…  But the thought is nice, just as it was when the song came out, and the producers of the show are giving all of the funds raised to the Band Aid Trust Charity, which is very nice.

There’s a little girl holding a monkey picking her nose in the beginning that distracts me, but Mike and Tina are adorable together! And Puck and Tina sing, have we ever had that before? And Mercedes is in the Bono role!  Santana busts out some lovely harmonies!  The song is problematic, but who cares, no one did back in the 80s, and the gang sounds wonderful, and Sue is happy.

WE GOT OUR CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

Wait, there’s another miracle brewing…  Rachel and Finn have a moment where she tells Finn she’s been a horrible, greedy… (you know. Diva.) and she has named her lady pig Barbra, and it’s Kosher (oh my god, no it isn’t.  It cannot be by definition!) and she’s sorry for being awful about Christmas.  She doesn’t know all of the rules, what with not being Christian and all.

But Finn wants her to have something to remember this Christmas, so he named a star.

“After me?”

“No. After me!  Merry Christmas!” It’s actually really cute, as he says there already IS a star named Rachel Berry. AWWWWWW! And this way, no matter where she is, she can look up and know that he is looking down on her.  Condescendingly.  (I’m teasing.) Also, he Gift of the Magi’s her with some diamond earrings.  But Jim, she cut off and sold her ears to pay for new drumsticks for you! *horrible realization of the bitterness of irony*

She decides to not keep the earrings, but Christ, woman, he went to Jared’s! Now that she got what she wanted, she doesn’t want it after all.  Merry Christmas!

Sam and Rory are ringing bells for Hate and Intolerance, and Rory says how the bells remind him of his family.  Because his brother got lost all the time, so his dad brained him with a bell.  Good times, good memories.  He thanks Sam for being amazing (okay?) and that he sure would like Sam to sponsor him on Valentine’s Day so he can get a proper snog.  (Would you boys kiss, for goodness sakes?  Ha.)  Sam agrees, if only Rory will help him with his Sean Connery accent.

“Boot…he’s Scottish, an’ I’m Oirish?”

SURPRISE SNOWBALL TO THE DICK! Why, it’s Finn and Rachel bringing a little slushy, icy cheer.  They took the earrings back for cash, and stick it in Hate’s Belly.  Sam thanks her, but Rachel keeps shouting, “What?” because she cut off her ears.

All of a sudden, there’s a line of people ready to put money in the bucket, and Rachel is honest for the first time all episode as I caught her saying, “Happy Hanukkah!” to the crowd.  FINALLY.

Drunken Thoughts: I am guessing that the whole “gay code” thing of the holiday special is either going to offend people, make them laugh with the joke, or pass right over younger generation’s heads.  See, kids, back in the day, gay people weren’t allowed to be gay.  At all.  They were “Funny Uncles” and “Life-Long Bachelors.” There was no such thing as a gay lady, just unattractive ladies that couldn’t get a man.

My take, and boy, I’ve been wrong in the past on things (See: Santana being outed) but I really REALLY believe the point of this episode was to show how ABSURD that was.  Because it was.  I think the whole point of all of Kurt’s comments (the jewelry, the baking, etc.) was to point out how stupid older generations were for not getting it, or choosing to not see it just so they could be comfortable.

And I think it serves as a reminder to people now that they have things pretty good, all things considered.  Older generations didn’t have the luxury of a tv show with kids being openly gay and themselves.

Just my two cents.  Also, their dancing! The GORGEOUS harmonies, Chris Colfer, stop teasing me when I can’t have you.  I thought it was a funny send up of all of the tropes in every single damn holiday special ever, including last year’s glee.  Tongue in cheek is a flavor I enjoy. BUT FEEL FREE TO COME ARGUE WITH ME.

After all, no new episodes until January 19th. (And I’ll have been to NYC by then to see How To Succeed, hopefully getting an interview with Darren Criss on that performance!)

OH! AND DEAR WRITERS/PRODUCERS/POWERS THAT BE: release the deleted scenes.  TRUST ME, we’ll buy them.  Seriously.  TRUST ME.

And HAPPY HOLIDAYS, from my atheist house to yours, and to whatever you choose to believe in/ignore.  :)

Please like & share:
  • OMG!!! I think I actually laughed more at this review than I did at the episode. The episode had me laughing all the way through, as well as rolling my eyes a good bit of the time.

    It rankled all my rankles to see Sam working for the salvation army. Kurt needs to have some words with those four.

    You are officially my favorite study break ever!

    P.S. I want me some of that eggnog!


    • Honey babies, I am so glad to know you laughed at this, both the episode and the recap. You know I try, boo, fa his Glerr. ;) (OMG I MISS YOU.)

      I was pretty baffled by the Salvation Army shout outs, too. Uh…really? Y’all coudln’t think of a made up charity? Hmm. I always have some nog for you! *wink* (How freaking hilarious was that line of Kurt’s, by the way??? Ahahaha.)

      • I MISS YOU TOO, STONEY!!!!! But, I am around now, hopefully, until the new semester starts in January. On the 17th. The same day Glee comes back to us. Is this not something worth crying about? I think it is!!!

        I’m cringing away from the whole Salvation Army thing. We have one of those guys outside my store and, every time I walk by, she says something. And I’m always hissing and spitting like a cat that’s seen a rabid dog. “Get the behind me Satan!!! I need a neck rub.”

        I heard somewhere that Chris threw that JT line in there and they decided to keep the “shorter” version in because it worked so well with the rest, but I’m not sure. It wasn’t an “official” source that said it.

        And I know everyone’s all over the Sam/Rory thing, but if they do put those two together, I will be so pissed!! As much as I love me some Klaine, I also love Sam/Kurt. And after they had Sam go through all that crap in season 2 about how “str8” he is, to have him come out now would be kind of a slap. To me, anyway.

        WHERE IS MY GOOD KUM FIC??

  • Shosh

    Sam and Rory are ringing bells for Hate and Intolerance . . .

    THANK YOU. I shuddered when Finn and Rachel started to ring as well — do y’all not realize that the people you’re representing think your brother and best friend are going to burn in hell?

    Anyway.

    Rory’s song made me tear up. So sad. But he’s like a baby Michael Buble type.

    Highly entertained by the special’s poking fun. Just wish the music hadn’t been so clipped and strange, and that they’d left Santa at home (really? make the Jew sing about Santa?). Oh, and I believe Mercedes said Christmas knock off re Liz’s jewels. :)

    Hate that damned “Do They Know” song.

    • Well, forget the “best friend” angle for Rachel, what about HER DADS? Eh, that was a misstep on their part, but there were many funny moments, and I always prefer the ha’s over the “huh uhs!”

      I bet that was Lea Michele saying Happy Hanukkah at the end, like, “Hey, remember this? That I’m Jewish?” :D Good for her, if so.

  • I remember those painful Christmas specials, (oh, Uncle Arthur, I always loved you best) and I liked the send-up at first, but after a bit it just seemed to go on and on… I was kind of afraid that they would never get back to the rest of the episode.

    Besides Rory going all evangaLinus, did you catch Rachel getting Sally Brown’s lines?

    “All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.”

    See here: http://youtu.be/J49Orx9ORI4 That and Artie proclaiming that the Star Wars special was the BEST EVAR made me laugh till I wheezed, because damned if I didn’t’ see that on TV (the one time they aired it) back in the day. Don’t look at me like that, I was twelve.

    I wish they would put Damian McGinty to better use. There’s talk of him getting more than the promised seven episodes and I hope that’s true, because damn.

    • Oh, they got so many different specials in this episode, the whole recap could have been nothing but mentions of which line referred to which one, so I chose to just point out for songs. :) The Charlie Brown Christmas special is a must in our house.

      I didn’t mind the special, they were trying to give us the actual special, but I knew (based on the time frame) that it would come back to be wrapped up in a bow (hurr) at the end, so I let myself sit back and laugh with my tongue in cheek, too.

      I’m pretty sure Rory is going to be around for a while – definitely through Valentine’s now! That’s 3 episodes, bringing his to 8? Pretty sire I got my math right, but I’m just waking up, so who knows. And I’m sure someoen will happily point out any errors I make. ;D

  • Everything you said, and I was really pleased that they did “Christmas Wrapping” and that Mercedes got the Bono line (but couldn’t they give her all of it instead of half?) but… I kind of HATED their arrangement of that song. They cluttered it up so much you could barely find the melody line. IT WAS A GROUP NUMBER THE FIRST TIME, STICK WITH THAT ARRANGEMENT, FOLKS.

    I’m so glad that other people are seeing the Rory/Sam slash. JUST KISS ALREADY.

    • Well, that song (Do They Know) is a bit of a hot mess in the first place, so I just felt they were keeping with the spirit of the song. :D

      And while I’m sure the Rory/Sam implications were NOT intentional, it’s pretty hilarious how strongly they played out on TV. Oh, wide eyed innocent Oirish lad, you’re so European with your hands and hugging. Never stop. Ha!

  • It may have been a hot mess (hell, I spent half of its airtime explaining to my kid and my eleven-years-younger housemate just how badly the money raised went wrong due to distribution problems, and that’s before you even get to the lyrics) but I have a sentimental fondness for it – I very earnestly went out and bought the 45 with my own money, what was it, freshman year of high school? Sophmore? I still own it. It’s in that “every note engraved on my brain” category, and the cluttered arrangement was just annoying!

  • StrtMyOrange

    “sing ten seconds of one of my favorite holiday songs, “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses”
    I wanted more of this! More of the Cheerios dancing, too. I even played the song on repeat like a million times, with a good measure of “Do They Know It’s Christmas” thrown in last night. Those two songs make my Child-Of-The-80s heart swell. *wipes away one, single tear*
    BTW, that was totally not a “pig”, it was a warthog. They’re not domesticated. They are hunted and eaten but you don’t fatten them up! Couldn’t they get a photo of a real pig?! I couldn’t find out if warthogs ruminate, but they would totally be kosher if they do! Rant over; I will now stop being picky & suspend my disbelief.
    I too loved the holiday special! It was ridiculous and made its point well with humor and farce.
    Happy Holidays, Stoney, from my heathen home and heart to yours!!

    • I loooooooove that song by The Waitresses. LOVE IT.

      Hmm, I thought the cloven-hoof aspect would bar it from being Kosher? Not like it matters, it’s a fictional show, etc. etc. but the gold bow on Barbra was pretty hilarious.

      I thought it was a lot of fun, very tongue in cheek, and I bet the cast had a BLAST making it. Happy holidays to you, too! <3

      • To be kosher, a mammal has to have cloven hooves AND chew its cud. There are different rules that apply to birds and fishes. Bugs and snakes are Right Out.

        • Lol at Right Out. Monty Python FTW!

          • StrtMyOrange

            “Bugs and snakes are Right Out.”
            Ahahaha! However, locusts are Kosher, which I don’t understand. Yeah, pigs would be kosher if they chewed their cud. Mmmmm…Kosher bacon; this the purpose for which genetic engineering MUST be used!!

            • Locusts are a translation issue: they’re carob pods. I’m not sure whether carob isn’t more disgusting than actual locusts, but that’s the deal, anyway.

  • Katy

    I just want the fic of Kurt and Blaine in their “bachelor” chalet forever. Fandom, get on that.

    • YES. You know who ships Klaine? ARTIE. Thank you, Artie! :D

      • I bet Artie would totally be snacking on popcorn and watching the homemade porn movies he has from hiding cameras in Blaine and Kurt’s bedrooms. He seems cool like that.

  • darkhawkhealer

    …yeah.

    Okay, this is one of the few times where I will freely admit that my age is glaringly obvious and I missed all of the little in-jokes.

    *g* It was all I could do not to throw things at the television when certain characters made me itch. *snickerfits* I watch this show with my sister, and if I complain too loudly/often, she totally threatens to send me out of the room. Or bodily harm, if I’m being really obnoxious. *innocent*

    I will say that I loved whatshisface’s rendition of Blue Christmas. my sister had no idea it was an Elvis original (the “King” comment went right over her head). It was pretty, though. I like it sad. And randomly, the Waitresses cover was my favorite of the night.

    The girls dresses were super cute, and I want Rachel’s dress from that Blaine duet.

    Otherwise, all I got out of this episode was that Sue needs a hug, for srs. *g*

    • Sue def. needs a hug. I miss Jean. :(

      I loved just about every dress Rachel had on this episode – that silver and blue number was SO PRETTY. All of her 60s inspired clothing this season has been gorgeous – they fit her like a glove, and impeccably made, and have been really pretty colors, too. <3

      • Amy

        (Chiming in late because I just got internet back after moving and because I have to watch on Hulu…)

        I got a very Breakfast At Tiffany’s vibe from Rachel during the Special. I liked it a lot.

  • Also, I’m really really happy that they’ve stopped dressing her like her dads shop for her clothes at Baby R Us!

    And yes, I am going through and just commenting on random things. lol!!

    • Hahahaha, CJ, you have so much time to make up, I get it. Comment all you’d like. And I’m right there with you on Rachel’s clothes. She’s left the 70s songstress look behind and moved back to the 60s, where she belongs.

  • fm

    I’m not going to explode my sadness with this episode all over the place (I know you’d welcome it here with love, but I prefer to do it only in places over which I have control), but apart from the bigger issues I have some basic writing ones.

    The concept of this episode is not bad: pastiche of Christmas specials with the moral of kindness over commercialism. Between that and some charming Kurt/Blaine, it should have been AMAZING. Instead there were some glaring errors of execution to me:

    1) We should have seen Finn giving up his jacket to make money for Rachel instead of it being a throw-away line, because then the moral is more central.

    2) The end times line is funny, but it is not something Mercedes would say, in my opinion. She’s a church-going Christian with a much broader sense of humor. (Yes, I know it’s in their “script” but still.) As a Brittany line it would have been great. Honestly, though, it smacks of Buffy, so to me it is a Xander or Anya line, and I feel like it’s crammed in there because they liked the line and fit the speaker around it.

    3) Rachel is Jewish, so making her greedy is a poor, insensitive choice to start, but it’s compounded by the fact that this season’s Rachel is not making kitty calendars for herself and Finn and requiring that everything is about her. She’s actually been very sweet and mature with Finn. So season 3 Rachel has given us no indication that she is making a list each week for Finn about what they’re doing wrong, and I don’t know why she’d be so greedy about the holidays, either. It’s like they came up with the joke and preferred that to actual characterization.

    4) The Salvation Army? Really? What a missed chance to expand people’s charitable minds and not to feature a homophobic organization.

    5) I maintain that the Kurt/Blaine platonic roommates joke would have been a hundred times more hilarious and less sad (to me) if they’d kept almost kissing/touching and breaking apart when the camera came back to them.

    6) I don’t know why they can’t mention Hanukkah front and center in a winter holiday episode. I’d love a song, but even really connecting with the fact that it’s happening and important to Rachel and Puck if no one else would be meaningful, inclusive, and slightly subversive to mainstream Christmas special-dom in a way I think Glee would like.

    I have a lot more to say about this episode, as you know, but even with my bigger picture problems I think there’s no excuse for poor characterization and plotting! I know Very Special Episodes are kind of pseudo-canonical, but still. Hmph.

    • I can TOTALLY appreciate your not wanting to put something out on the internet where random people could jump on it in an ugly way, I’ve been around the ‘net long enough to know how quickly out of hand people can get. Hopefully that wont happen here, but still. I understand.

      I definitely agree that there was far too much happening in this one episode, there wasn’t a real focus (not until the actual special), and it was very choppy in places. First time director, I’m looking at you. *narrows eyes at MM*

      I don’t know if you were able to read the recap (I know this ep hurt you) but I touched base on the money grubbing Rachel aspect, too (even though they were making her Lucy VanPelt. But still. It took until the very end before that was really evident.) The Salvation Army bit is inexcusable (I have a lovely link to the LGBT website where they outline the problem and also offer up other organizations. )

      The continued lack of mentioning Hanukkah is BAFFLING. The star of the damn SHOW is Jewish and they don’t give her a little nod? Come on. I took them to task for that, repeatedly.

      With all of its flaws, though, I still came away laughing and singing some of the songs, so I’m seeing the glass half-full. (But then, that’s my default action.)

      *hugs you*

  • Just so long as they didn’t do the damn dreidel song! I don’t have to explain just how much this Jewish girl is sick of the dreidel song, right?

    • fm

      If it’s something traditional I’d like “O Hanukkah” (O Hanukkah, O Hanukkah, come light the menorah. Let’s have a party; we’ll all dance the hora.), but honestly I think Puck should sing the Adam Sandler Hanukkah song. :)

      • We only ever sang “O Hanukkah” in Hebrew school; nobody outside seemed to know about it. The Adam Sandler Hanukkah song is totally Puck, though, I agree: “So drink your gin and tonikah, and smoke your marijuanikah!”

        …they probably couldn’t do that in an 8PM time slot, could they.

      • See, I’d love that song by Puck, but I’d really love to see him sing “It’s Nice To Be A Jew on Christmas” by Matt Stone and Trey Parker. :)

        • StrtMyOrange

          That was a terrible missed opportunity!! I would have been weeping from joy and almost peeing my pants with laughter if they’d had Puck sing Stone & Parker.

  • I couldn’t decide how I felt about the 1950s gay tropes, but I can see it your way. It’s just strange to me that Artie or any of the kids would have thought of it. Note to self: This is Glee. Suspend disbelief.

    Um, I loved this:

    Rory comes out as Itchy the Elf, ready to read the reboot of Frosty, the Michael Bay version, where he morphs into an Ice Truck and plows into all of the Jews and non-believers of the world in a fiery explosion of holiday cheer.  His tag line?  ”Merry Christmas, Mother Fuckers.”

    Because that’s pretty much how I felt about Rory’s Linus moment. I need to watch that scene again (with plugged ears) and watch Puck’s face. Because he was getting all teary eyed, and I swear it was right at the “son of David” part, and I thought, “That is beyond weird. I can get Puck being moved by a story from another religion at the metaphorical level, but you’d think the line that says ‘King David is ours, suckas!’ would kind of jolt him out of appreciating the metaphor.” Maybe he was crying out of frustration at the fact that he has renounced violence, because it would have felt good to punch Rory in the face right then?

    Loved the protective look Blaine gave Kurt during that speech, though. Unless I was supposed to read it as, “Oh, this is so moving, even though it says nothing about helping people, it just makes me want to help people so much. Doesn’t it make you want to help people, too, Kurt?” I choose not to, though.

    • 50s? That was pure 60s, baby! ;D

      I laughed so hard at Mark, I mean, Puck getting teary eyed. Whoops, someone forgot they were on camera! (His family is uber-Christian.)

      How awesome would a Michael Bay version of Frosty be? Think of the explosions! The car chases to get him the radiated charcoal nose that can save the day! “Peace on Earth, bitches!” And then Rudolph mows everyone down with a machine gun. Merry Christmas! :D

    • I was willing to read Puck’s teary-eyed response as “Aww, lookit Rory being Linus! Where’s his blue blankie?” because that’s totally how I got through the thing. I sort of don’t mind it in the Peanuts Christmas special because it’s Linus, although the thing that really gets me teary-eyed in that is the little misfit tree.

  • mrmonkeybottoms

    Guys! Guys! You forgot the best part!

    CHEWBACCA!

    Chewbacca and the writing on the chalkboard behind him: “RRRRORR”

    So funny. I peed a little.

    • HOW DID I MISS THAT ON THE CHALK BOARD?!??!??

      I’ll send you some Depends after I take one of them so I can rewatch the scene.

  • Sally R.

    My big complaint is that the “Let It Snow” arrangment was way too long. I like Klaine as much as the next fan, but good grief. They went on and on and on and then other songs were cut so short. (Plus I kind of hated the arrangement, and I actually like that song.)

    I appreciated the humor and I definitely laughed, but I was kind of meh about the episode overall. Like on a scale of 1 to 10 I’d give it a 5 because I didn’t love it or hate it. It just was.

    Finally, am I the only person in the world who loves Joni Mitchell’s “River”? I mostly loathe xmas music, but I love that song. Can listen to it any day of the year. It’s definitely melancholy, but I think it’s beautiful too.

    • I didn’t mind the Let It Snow arrangement too much, although they needed to introduce other verses for sure. It was the “Favorite Things” that went on too long – we got it, Glee, and there are four other verses they could have used instead of the same one over and over.

      I’m not a fan of Joni Mitchell in the first place, so I’m a poor judge on that one. (I mean..I can take her in doses, but it’s her voice that is a strain on me. I’m awful, I know.) My complaint was that Rachel had JUST TOLD RORY to pep it up, then she starts singing that song.

  • This is so off topic…kinda.

    I was just over at The Elder Scrolls Wiki page for a character, Captain Aldis, and to the right side of the page, they had a click-through ad for Cafe Press and they were featuring the “Blurt” products from your store.

    I gave a bit of a squeal, I’ll admit.

    • You didn’t name him Captain Anderson? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore, CJ. Ha!

      And that is the coolest thing!! You obviously bought fifteen things, I’m sure. ;D

      <3

  • Phinney28

    I AM INFURIATED! I was so in the last Christmas ep and I was in this one too. Now to explain my anger:
    I am Jewish and I LOVE the fact that Rachel and Puck are Jewish. Now I have no problem with them doing Christmas eps. This doesn’t bother me. I have no problem with them singing all Christmas songs. I don’t even mind THAT much that they don’t mention Chanukah. What I do mind however is the fact that Rachel is obsessed with Christmas! WHAT THE HELL? I don’t care that she and Puck sing the Christmas songs cause I used to have to do that too in choir back in grade school but why the hell is she always talking about what she wants for Christmas and what she asked Santa for and URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Sorry, but that bothers me A HELL OF A LOT! Get it together writers.

    On annnnnnnnother note I liked this ep more than last years one which I despised (BICO excluded of course.)
    I liked the Klaine show, cause I wish Glee was the Klaine show (although not necessarily in black and white.) Also I like that Klaine FINALLY sat together in Glee club (they need to do this ALL THE TIME DAMMIT!)
    I weep for the exclusion of the box scene but other than that I thought the ep was fine.

    • WHY ARE THE JEWISH CHARACTERS NOT CELEBRATING HANUKKAH? You will get no argument from me on that one.

      • Phinney28

        I don’t know =( It makes me so sad cause there are actually Jewish characters and they could actually mention Chanukah.
        I miss Even Stevens lol they always celebrated it.
        And the O.C where they had Christmikah.

  • Amyryd

    Beginning my New Year’s resolution to catch up on all the Glee recaps!

    I LOVED LOVED the Christmas special at Kurt and Blaine’s gay chalet! It was just so wonderfully cheesy in all of the best ways. Let it Snow was fabulous and Kurt’s line about jewels and bow ties and short pants nearly had me shooting egg nog out my nose.

    I am still bitter all these weeks later that they skipped Blaine giving Kurt his gift. I actually rewound to see if I had missed it somehow. I had more than enough Finn and Rachel in that episode.

    And I am further convinced we are kindred spirits as I have an abiding love for Love Actually and cannot get through the holiday season without listening to John Denver and the Muppets multiple times.

    Thank Jim I have next week’s trip to NYC to help bridge the time until the next ep!

    • I LOOOOVED the Gay Chalet! I know some people were offended by it, but I took it as the tongue in cheek/nod to how it USED to be attitude that I believe they were going for. And they tapped! ADORABLE.

      Ahaha, Love, Actually is one of those sweet romances that is actually sweet and funny. <3 <3