PREVIOUSLY ON SPARTACUS: VENGEANCE! Sexy scheming! Two-timing all around! Madness and fire in the arena! Dramatic rescues! GANNICUS! Best. Episode. Ever.
Sparty and the men return to the temple outside of Vesuvius, carrying Oenomaus on a stretcher. The rest of the rebels cheer excitedly when Agron tells them how the arena is toast and Capua is in shambles, but one particular rebel has something else on her mind—Chadara. She doesn’t see Rhaskos among the returning men, and looks pretty nervous. Agron and Donar’s announcement that he died “as all men should,” with his sword in his hands, is not really comforting. Not at all.
Nasir and Agron have a happier reunion, at least. HOORAY. Oenomaus is carried inside the temple, where Lucius looks over his wounds and is frankly astonished that he’s still alive. Gannicus hovers over him the entire time like a mother hen. (A sexy shirtless bemuscled mother hen. Yes. That is my story and I am sticking with it.)
All other happy reunions fall by the wayside in the face of the next one, though. Naevia stands uncertainly at the top of the temple stairs, scanning the crowd outside with an anxious look on her face. Seriously, I am not one for epic schmaltz, but when she saw Crixus coming up the steps, relatively unharmed, I may have wibbled a bit and got a little something in my eye. It’s doubly worse because Manu Bennett has this incredibly effective “I CANNOT CONTAIN ALL THESE FEELS” expression that he busts out every now and again, and this time is no exception. *hearteyes*
Later in the afternoon, the rebels are resting and eating, and Donar regales a small crowd with dramatic tales of the rescue. Gannicus is kind of sulking off in the corner, snapping into a Slim Jim, and Sparty and Mira come outside to let him know that Oenomaus is resting comfortably and will surely be up and ready to fight again in no time. Gannicus, however, is totally dismissive of the idea of Oenomaus fighting with the rebels, much less himself. Mira’s response is snarky and magnificent and coupled with an excellent rendition of the People’s Eyebrow:
“Did he miss the part where we pulled the arena down on his head?”
I LOVE HER.
Gannicus doesn’t think a handful of gladiators and untrained house slaves have much chance against the might of Rome, and he’s not especially gentle about sharing this opinion. When Spartacus asks why he chose to flee with them in the first place, Gannicus sets him straight—he didn’t choose rebellion, he was repaying a debt owed to Oenomaus. Once he feels this debt has been fulfilled, he’s outta there. Mira really doesn’t like Gannicus after that, but Sparty’s not counting Gannicus among his enemies just yet. After all, Nasir once tried to kill him, and is now a trusted (and beloved) member of their group.
Glaber stands on the villa’s balcony, looking out over the smoking ruins of downtown Capua. (Precisely as this part aired, a fire truck drove by a few blocks from me, and it took me a good 5 seconds to realize it was not, in fact, the Incredibly Anachronistic Capuan fire brigade.) Inside, a advocatus is reading Albinius’ will to a grieving Ilithiya, listing his various properties and goods. Glaber wants it all sold off immediately, and the coin used for a bounty to be placed on Spartacus—9,000 denarii—but the advocatus tells him he has no legal right to do so; the property and goods are to be held in trust for Ilithyia and her children. Glaber’s not about to let his dead father-in-law continue fucking with him, and uses his praetor powers to get his way once again.
Once he’s sent the advocatus on his way, Glaber turns his attentions on Ilithyia, who has been weeping quietly throughout the entire exchange. Though both are wearing proper togae pullae, it’s clear that only Ilithyia is truly mourning anything. Glaber wonders what’s causing her tears: is it the loss of her father, or the loss of her father’s ability to dissolve their marriage? Ilithyia doesn’t rise to the wankbait, though. She thinks the gods killed her father to punish her, although it’s not clear if she means for betraying her husband or for planning to end her pregnancy. Oh my precious darling girl.
Gaius doesn’t think she’s suffered enough, though. He tells her straight out that the only reason he hasn’t killed her as well (oh snap, so he’s blatantly admitting he killed her dad?) is that she’s carrying his heir, and that if anything happens to the baby, she’ll be the next to die.
THIS SUCKS SO MUCH, YOU GUYS. I really adored them when they were all evilly in love with each other! *sobs*
Glaber is distracted from his vengeful sneerings by the sound of men entering the courtyard below. He sends Ilithyia off to have a bath, against the usual Roman mourning traditions, and stalks off to see to his men.
A company of grimy, exhausted soldiers is returning from patrol. Glaber’s new as-yet-unnamed right-hand man gives an unpleasant report: 100 more bodies have been recovered from the arena, and many of their soldiers have deserted, as they believe Spartacus has brought downt the wrath of the gods on them all. They’ve also found something interesting among the rubble of the arena—it’s Gannicus’ rudis. Ruh roh.
Ashur stalks out of the shadows in his little manties to once again berate Glaber and the soldiers for underestimating Sparty and the gladiators. He’s convinced that no Roman soldier can go up against a trained champion gladiator and survive, and Glaber’s finally had enough of this aspersion-casting. He pulls out his own sword and tells Ashur to walk the walk instead of just talking the talk.
Sword in hand, Ashur’s thrown into a jeering circle of armed soldiers, all of whom are very eager to take a piece of his hide. And at first, it looks like Glaber may have had a point after all. First blood is taken by the soldiers, and Ashur’s upended onto his butt in the sand. Ashur’s not going out so easily, though, and the handful of sand he flings in the soldier’s face is just the first of many tricks up his sleeve.
To everyone’s extreme disbelief, Ashur takes down three soldiers in less time than it would take to bellow JUPITER’S COCK, leaving at least two dead and one—Glaber’s new second in command—grievously wounded. The remaining men stand back in a mixture of confusion and awe, and have nothing to say when Ashur reminds them that among the rest of the gladiators, he was considered the least skilled.
Does Glaber apologize for ever having doubted Ashur? No, of course not. He does, however, muse aloud how nice it would be to have an army of conscienceless fighting men like Ashur. And as luck would have it, Ashur is more than ready to assemble and lead such an army, should Glaber give his permission. According to Glaber, though, the Senate would frown upon lowering the army’s standards so badly. However, Glaber no longer gives a flying fuck about what the Senate thinks, and Ashur is given the go-ahead. Yeah, this will end well.
Lucretia, having watched this entire exchange from up on the balcony, storms off in a huff. She’s definitely not forgotten about Ashur’s betrayal of her and Ilithyia’s plans.
Ashur’s alone in his cell, clean-shaven for the first time ever and looking shmooove. He’s about to get dressed in some relatively normal-looking clothes—certainly nothing that would denote his status as a slave. Lucretia slips into the room behind him, looking for a fight. She wants to know why he’s getting dressed as though to leave the compound, and man, she is not pleased with his answer—that Glaber’s given his permission to do so.
Lucretia confronts him about his betrayal, wondering how Glaber came to find out about the silphium vial in Ilithyia’s bedroom, and Ashur sneers that maybe the gods told him. Ashur gets right back in her face, telling her that he’s securing his place in the household, and Lucretia’s answer to his sass is a nasty bitch slap right to his cheek. She steps to him with a warning about going against her commands, but she’s cut off when he lunges at her, throwing her up against the wall easily. Oh man, I don’t like this one bit.
Ashur has a few threats and warnings of his own to dispense: he’s Glaber man now, not hers, and if she’s not careful, he’ll tell Glaber all about Lucretia’s part in Ilithyia and Albinius’ plotting. Furthermore, he’ll expose all her so-called messages from the gods as having been set in motion by Ashur himself.
Oh god. And then, because somehow all that just wasn’t enough, Ashur rapes Lucretia up against the filthy stone wall of the cell.
Crixus and Naevia are resting in their corner of the temple, and Naevia tends to his wounds. Crixus dismisses them as a few scrapes, and the conversation turns towards Naevia’s own scars—Crixus says he doesn’t see any when he looks at her, but I think we all know she means the ones she feels inside herself all the time. She’s so completely traumatized and depressed over the many months of rape and degradation and mistreatment and probably outright torture that she suffered in his absence, and try as he might, Crixus’ unswaying love and devotion don’t seem to be healing these old wounds.
It’s even worse when they try to share some comforting sexytimes. Naevia does her best to concentrate on the here and now, and enjoy his gentle touches, but all she can see are the men who hurt and violated her over and over again. Naevia shoves Crixus away, panicking, and is crushed to realize that she can’t even handle being touched by the man whom she loves anymore.
Now, Crixus has definitely grown into a better man overall than he was in the first season, and is certainly not the wide-eyed untried wooby from the prequels anymore, but this is so far beyond his realm of experience that he has no idea how to handle the situation. He just sits and watches helplessly as Naevia runs off in tears.
(As an aside: I’ve been wondering for a while now if The Show would touch on this aspect of Naevia’s situation. It’s a difficult thing to work with in shows that are less action-oriented, much less in shows that revel in gore and violence against all kinds of people fairly equally. I think they succeeded admirably in giving us an accurate and non-candy-coated portrayal of the realities of PTSD, though, even if it is really hard to watch.)
Gannicus is still hovering over Oenomaus worriedly, even though from the looks of things, Oenomaus still hasn’t awakened. Chadara wanders in super casually and strikes up a flirty conversation with Gannicus, striving mightily in the face of his complete lack of interest. He’s retained enough of his considerable charm to not brush off a beautiful woman rudely, but he’s really, really not into it. Chadara instead turns the conversation to Rhaskos, wanting more details about his death. Gannicus realizes that she and Rhaskos had some kind of thing together, and Chadara gives her usual blunt assessment of their relationship: “he elevated position; I gave comfort.”
Gannicus notes that their bargain appears to have come to an end, and without missing a beat, Chadara informs him that she’d like to come to the same arrangement with a new man, namely Gannicus himself. You can’t fault her logic here, obviously, but Gannicus explains that he has no standing among the rebels, as he’s only there for his bestest best friend Oenomaus. As a handful of men pass in the hallway, Donar stops and shares a significant look of impending sexytimes with Chadara, and she’s happy to turn her attentions elsewhere in the face of Gannicus’ rejection.
Gannicus returns to his manly brooding, staring wistfully at Oenomaus’ face. I don’t think Gannicus has ever read Sleeping Beauty, or he would know that the only appropriate action in this situation is KISSING.
Spartacus unrolls his map and outlines his plans to Mira, Agron, and Lucius: he wants to put a watchman up on the side of Vesuvius to warn of any impending attacks. Lucius confirms that there is a single, easily-traveled path to the summit, and Sparty decrees that three men will take watch in shifts. Mira’s worried that the single entrance to the temple will leave them trapped in the event of an attack, so Sparty and Agron decide to set the former house slaves to digging out the tunnels beneath the temple as a back-up escape plan. At Sparty’s request, Lucius agrees to train some of the rebels to use a bow and arrow as an extra defense, but Agron’s still harping on the unskilled former slaves holding everyone back. He’s conveniently forgotten that his beloved boyfriend Nasir was once a simple house slave too, I guess?
Sparty decides to rethink their plans to attack Neapolis and free the enslaved enemy combatants arriving on the slave ships, and Agron’s all kinds of excited. Spartacus tells him to take a couple of men and some cash, and snoop around the port to guage their chances of a successful attack. Agron is practically prancing with delight.
Their planning is interrupted by Gannicus, who’s on a quest of his own—for wine. No one seems to trust him at all, and the maps are hidden away carefully. Gannicus notes their mistrust and finds it somewhat amusing, but is much less amused to hear that there’s no wine to be had. Poor baby. Things really aren’t going as he’d planned lately, are they.
We’re back in Capua, in the same brothel Gannicus passed the evening in last week. The selfsame girl he was with, Marcia, has just been approached by two filthy men looking to enjoy some time with her together for the price of one, an offer she laughingly declines. A nearby brawl breaks up the rest of their conversation, and the two men hotfoot it out of the way. A huge, longhaired dude flings a similarly huge, tattooed dude over a table, and the two men proceed to beat the everloving crap out of one another.
In the middle of all this kerfluffle, Ashur arrives, quietly asking for a word with someone. Longhair Dude tells him to fuck off, but Ashur wasn’t asking him—he was asking Tattoo Dude, who just happens to be sneaking up behind Longhair for a rematch. Tattoos takes about 10 seconds to beat Longhair to death, stomping his head into a wet red smear on the floor, while Ashur watches amusedly. Tattoos seems reasonably receptive to Ashur’s offer of a job, one that will make special use of his “talents.”
Lucretia sits unattended in the bath, looking grim and tear-stained. Ilithyia walks in with her two body slaves, and Lucretia’s startled to see her, having assumed she would keep to the mourning rituals and not bathe. Lucretia moves to leave Ilithyia to her bath, but Illy asks her to stay, not wanting to be alone.
They sit silently in the bath together for a moment, until Ilithyia notices that Lucretia has been crying. Lucretia brushes it off by saying recent events have upset her, not specifying exactly to which events she refers, and Ilithyia assumes they’re talking about the same thing. She then reveals her fears that the gods didn’t warn Lucretia of Spartacus’ attack or of Albinius’ death because they are specifically punishing her for trying to end her pregnancy. Luce comforts her by saying they’re both culpable for that particular plan, and promises Ilithyia that together, they’ll be able to pull themselves out of this shitty situation.
Ilithyia’s so totally relieved to have this brilliant, scheming woman on her side. She admits to Lucretia that while she once only wanted “your throat beneath my hands,” she is now gladder than ever to have Lucretia on her team. I love that they seem to genuinely be friends again, even if it is motivated primarily by self-preservation and revenge. They’re such an awesomely formidable team, and Ilithyia needs someone shrewd to watch her back now that Glaber’s got her in the crosshairs. OH MY PRECIOUS DARLING GIRLS.
Gannicus sits alone on top of the temple’s outer walls, sulking mightily. Behind him, on the stairs, Spartacus is staring at him with a seriously assessing look on his face. Crixus recognizes that look, having seen it turned on himself many times before, and knows it means that Sparty is pondering how to win Gannicus over. (I bet some wine would help, Sparty. I am just saying.)
Sparty asks Crixus’ advice, since Crixus knew Gannicus back in the day: does he think Gannicus will ever join the rebellion? Crixus says Gannicus is a good man and a great fighter, but more importantly, he knows that Spartacus has always been successful in winning reluctant people over to his cause. Awww. Crixus then departs, presumably to weave them some friendship bracelets.
Spartacus decides it’s time for a dramatic speech. It doesn’t have the effect he’s hoping for, though. Once the rest of the rebels hear that there’s a good chance of Roman retaliation falling down upon them sometime soon, they panic and cry and wail. It’s made even worse when Spartacus announces that he doesn’t intend to flee, but to stand and fight. Gannicus smirks over the weeping and wailing, his assumptions about the rebellion’s impending failure seemingly justified.
As Sparty instructs the frightened rebels to make whatever weapons they can from stone and wood, Agron sidles up to Crixus for quiet conversation. Newly in love himself, Agron tells Crixus that he now understands why Crixus would risk everything for Naevia. Crixus seems to accept this hesitant apology, and acknowledges that had it not been for Agron’s help escaping the arena, he would never have seen Naevia again. But he’s not quite done: he also acknowledges that had Agron’s lie not been revealed, Naevia would have died alone in the mines, and Crixus is not going to forgive that so easily.
Agron, ever proud and huffy, bitches that he shouldn’t have forgotten himself so badly as to have tried to “offer comfort to a fucking Gaul,” and so of course things must immediately descend into wild fisticuffs. Boys, you are so frustrating, oh my god.
Sparty and some of the other men run over to break up the fight, but it’s really Naevia’s disappointed shout of his name that stops Crixus, I think. He storms off to brood rather than face Sparty’s lecture, and Agron haughtily informs everyone that he’s running away to Neapolis to find new friends who will like him better, so there!
Gannicus, having observed everything from his perch atop the wall, just laughs and laughs and laughs. Gannicus, you are so unhelpful, omg. Sparty sends the rest of the rebels packing, and takes Gannicus off into the woods, presumably to spank him soundly. (I am really looking forward to the outtakes of this season, ngl. Because surely that is where all the spanking will be, right? RIGHT.)
No spankings, alas—the men are hunting together instead. Gannicus looks bemused but willing, although he becomes much less willing when it turns out that Sparty really just wants to talk his ear off about everything under the sun. Nosy Sparty the Yenta wants to know all about Gannicus’ motivations: for agreeing to act as an executioner in the arena; for choosing to fight only Oenomaus; for rescuing Oenomaus and fleeing with the rebels. WHY GANNICUS WHY?
Gannicus is so bitter, you guys. His precious rudis, the only evidence of his manumission, is buried (or so he thinks) under the rubble of the arena, and he’s not exactly going to get the money Mercato owes him now, is he? Spartacus haughtily informs Gannicus that he doesn’t need a silly wooden sword to be a free man, he just needs to join the rebels and fight! Gannicus has an interesting outlook on being a gladiator, though—he thinks they deserve to die in exchange for all the lives they’ve taken in the arena. Gannicus, you are so silly. What choice did you have? NONE.
Spartacus tells Gannicus that he wasn’t always a slave and a gladiator, though—he was once a free man, with a wife and the promise of children one day. But since Batiatus was responsible for Sura’s death, Spartacus took his life in return, just as he’ll take Glaber’s for selling them into slavery.
Gannicus’ response is basically OH HELL NO. He cannot fucking believe that Spartacus started this entire crazy rebellion all for the love of a woman. Gannicus has only bitter things to say about love, no doubt thinking of Oenomaus and Melitta, and accuses Sparty of having scared away all the game—he wants to hunt FOREVER ALONE, and emos off into the forest.
Back at the temple, the rebels are excavating the tunnels below and repairing the roof above. A mixed group of former house slaves are being put through some clumsy basic swordsmanship training by a frustrated gladiator while Crixus chops some wood nearby. Naevia brings him some water and gives him some lecturing along with it—she’s disappointed and angry at him for fighting with Agron, and is unmoved by Crixus’ defense that Agron’s lies would have left her to die in the mines. Actually, Naevia’s been thinking lately that she might have been better off left for dead, and Crixus is horrified at the very thought. He’s just happy that she’s alive, and is miserable and angry that he can’t make her better somehow, and they’re frankly fucking heartbreaking right now.
Glaber, Ilithyia, and Lucretia receive an irate Seppius at the villa, and he’s not holding back on his outrage. Apparently they’ve planned to hold a sacrifice and prayer session in the marketplace, and Seppius thinks they’re a pack of fools for wasting their time with this crap when Spartacus is still loose. Magistrate Gallienus apologizes profusely for Seppius’ nastiness—hmm, it looks like Glaber’s won someone else to his side here.
Glaber’s real business with Seppius soon makes itself known: he wants Seppius as an ally, so that the combined forces of their men can overwhelm and defeat Spartacus. The Magistrate is eager to secure the alliance, but even his counsel isn’t enough to convince Seppius. Instead, Brattypants Seppius says he needs to check with Varinius first. Man, does that piss off Glaber. He angrily dismisses Varinius as irrelevant, as Varinius fled back to Rome immediately instead of staying to see the job done. Maybe Seppius agrees, or maybe he just remembers how Seppia had been flirting with Varinius—whatever his motivations, he seems about to agree to the alliance…but he’ll need to think about it for one more day.
Glaber gnashes his teeth and glares at him while the Magistrate tries to smooth things over. Meanwhile, Lucretia and Ilithyia quietly plot to win Seppia over to their side—before Seppius can make his dramatic departure, Ilithyia interrupts to invite the grief-stricken Seppia to visit at the villa, and he seems genuinely appreciative of her thoughtfulness. Gallienus compliments Glaber on Illy’s quick thinking, and Glaber is forced to agree that it was well done indeed.
Ashur and his pack of thugs are visiting a local prison, where a mysterious Egyptian is being held at the bottom of a dry well. Apparently he’s killed all the other men kept with him as prisoners, which Ashur finds highly amusing. When he hears that Glaber sent them, the jailer isn’t as impressed as Ashur’d been hoping, but after a few casual threats, the jailer makes himself scarce, allowing Ashur to free the Egyptian.
This dude looks fucking badass and scary as shit, whoa. (Actually, he looks like Connor MacLeod, which omg would be an awesome crossover. Not as good as Spartacus/True Blood, though. JSYK.)
Lucius is giving an archery lesson to Mira, Chadara, and a handful of other rebels. Mira’s showing some noticeable skill, and Lucius is pleased with her progress. Chadara, on the other hand, looks bored and miserable. She brightens when some of the men pass nearby, Donar among them, but her attempts to catch his attention are met with his derision. He mocks her for thinking they have something meaningful together, after having had casual sex just one time.
She trudges back to the archery group, miserable and hurt, with Mira watching the entire exchange. When Mira asks why she’s running after Donar now, Chadara says she only wants to find her place in the world—Mira coldly tells her to stop fucking her way to success, and go after her position on her own skills and merits. That’s not really fair, Mira, come on. You know Chadara doubts herself and doesn’t believe she has anything else to offer. Sigh.
Agron has returned from Neapolis with news of an approaching slave ship, full of captured enemy fighters, to dock in two weeks. Sparty and Agron agree that a few men, disguised as traders, will infiltrate the ship and free the prisoners. Gannicus returns from the hunt with a huge pig over his shoulders as Agron passes on the bad news: Glaber’s put out the 9,000 denarii bounty on Sparty’s head, which will only make their efforts more difficult.
Gannicus throws his pig down on the ground near Crixus and gets busy with his butchering. He teases Crixus for his title “The Undefeated Gaul,” remembering Crixus as a wide-eyed longhaired wooby with no victories under his belt, and Crixus just smiles at the memories. Gannicus is glad that Crixus got to be the champion he always wanted to be, but is confused by the fact that Crixus would then throw it all away to join in Sparty’s rebellion. Crixus’ faith in Spartacus isn’t going to be wavered that easily, nor does he rise to the bait when Gannicus asks why he’s letting Agron and Spartacus make plans without him—Crixus is too worried about Naevia to do anything else right now.
News of Oenomaus’ awakening prevents Gannicus from questioning Crixus any further.
Oenomaus opens his eyes to see Gannicus standing at his side. Gannicus tells him he only wants to talk, but Oenomaus has nothing he wants to hear from Gannicus. They back and forth a bit about love and betrayal and brotherhood, neither one of them having any effect on the other, until Oenomaus says that while he loved Gannicus as a brother, Gannicus has never cared for anyone but himself, and would betray anyone at any time to get what he wants. Gannicus takes this pretty hard, as it’s a confirmation of all the self-loathing he’s felt since Melitta’s death, and he leaves Oenomaus to go back to his brooding once again.
Lucretia and Ilithyia are seated with Seppia, carefully encouraging her to talk about her sadness at the loss of her friends and family, Mercato in particular. At Lucretia’s side-eyed urgings, Ilithyia turns the conversation to all the other notable Romans who have died at the hands of the rebellion. Seppia proves far smarter than her twin: she sees through their plan easily, accusing them of using her to influence her brother.
Ilithyia dissembles, which only irritates Seppia, so Lucretia ruefully confesses that she’s “uncovered the veiled schemes of two old women.” This tacit admission, and with it the inclusion into the private friendship of two older, influential women, seems to win Seppia over a bit more. Ilithyia, meanwhile, looks adorably aghast at being referred to as an “old woman.”
Glaber slips in to the room quietly to add his voice to their pleas. His methods of convincing Seppia are very different from his wife’s and Lucretia’s—he blatantly flirts with her, to her extreme delight. She agrees to discuss the potential alliance with her brother and encourage him to join their cause, her eyes on Glaber the entire time.
Ashur returns from his recruiting, and Glaber excuses himself to discuss business. Seppia swoons at his awesomeness, telling Ilithyia that she’s blessed to have such a hottie for a husband. Ilithyia looks rather nauseated but smiles nevertheless.
Alone in her and Crixus’ room, Naevia’s holding Crixus’ newly sharpened sword and looking a little wild-eyed. Crixus comes in to find her holding the blade and musing about how easily it would slice open her veins. Naevia’s shuddering with fear and hate, still reliving her terrible treatment at the hands of the many nobles, and Crixus can’t take another moment of this without freaking out. He panics and promises that they’ll leave the rebellion behind and flee far away, where no one will ever find them, and no one will ever hurt them again, but that’s not what Naevia wants anymore.
Crixus tries to kiss her, comfort her, anything, but she’s too scared and angry to let him get close, and he finally loses his temper. What does she want him to do, just stand around and watch her die? SOBBITY.
BUT NO! Oh fuck yes, Naevia wants him to teach her how to fight and defend herself, so that no one can ever touch her without her permission again. Crixus is so fucking proud of her right now and omg so am I. They hug and cry and swear to have bloody murderous vengeance on their enemies, and it’s all quite romantic actually.
A sudden ruckus draws them outside to find the rest of the group running around in a panic. The map, outlining all their plans, plus all the remaining coin, has gone missing, and someone among the group is clearly planning to betray them all for Glaber’s huge reward.
In the midst of all this commotion, Mira notices that Gannicus has gathered his belongings and is prepared to leave. LE GASP DRAMATIQUE. Surely not!
Gannicus protests that he’s leaving only because Oenomaus has awakened and wants nothing to do with him. He’s outraged that they’re asking after the contents of his pack, as it only contains some water, his weapons, and the meat caught by his own hands. In the face of everyone’s suspicion, Gannicus angrily insists that he doesn’t care about their map or their cause or anything else, but it’s not enough. Surrounded by hostile, armed men, there’s only one thing left for him to do: fling himself at Spartacus and brawl like a maniac.
Sparty yells to the rest of the men to stand back and let the fight be fair, and Agron throws him a second sword. Gannicus notes with amusement that they’re both dimachaeri, or double-sword fighters, and both trained by Oenomaus himself. So basically this is going to be the best fight ever.
The skies choose this moment to open up with a dramatic thunderstorm, because why have two hot men fight with no shirts on when you could have two hot WET men fight with no shirts on? The logic of this show is glorious and magnificent and I shall cherish it always.
These two are as well-matched in this fight as Sparty and Crixus were in their final fight at the end of season one: two undefeated champions, trained by the same man, and fighting to the death. ZOMG. Mira runs to Crixus, telling him to stop the fight, but Crixus won’t go against Sparty’s express wishes that no one interfere.
Each man takes a few minor wounds, but loses no ground to the other. Mira doesn’t seem to be watching the fight anymore, though: she’s gone to get her bow and arrows instead, with her eye on something across the courtyard.
Both men are down to one sword apiece when Mira makes her move. She shouts a warning to Sparty and looses an arrow directly through their fight…and into Chadara’s throat. OH SHIT.
Mira had seen her trying to sneak away in the commotion, and meant only to wound her with the arrow, not kill her. Lucius compliments her on her shot nevertheless. Not helping, Lucius. Not helping. Mira searches through Chadara’s cloak and finds the stolen map. Sparty can’t understand why Chadara would want to betray them, but Mira explains how Chadara thought she had no place with them anymore now that Rhaskos is gone. Donar has the grace to look a little guilty at that, at least.
Sparty apologizes to Gannicus for suspecting and attacking him, and Gannicus admits that he’s been kind of a jerkface in the past, and thus not above such suspicions. He gathers his things and makes ready to leave once again, stopping only to see if Crixus and Naevia will be joining him—of course they won’t, don’t be ridiculous. Naevia has some ass-kicking to do, and Crixus is not leaving her side ever again. Plus, he totally wants to see the ass-kicking, as do all right-thinking people.
Agron and Mira still don’t really trust Gannicus, and aren’t sure he should be allowed to leave, but Spartacus isn’t going back on his word. Gannicus leaves without further confrontation, and I am so disappointed that he and Oenomaus didn’t get to have a huggy reunion.
Ashur and his band of thugs are running wild through a villa, slaughtering everyone in their path. Guards, slaves, men and women alike, everyone is falling in bloody mangled heaps at their hands. The Mysterious Egyptian is causing the most havoc, snapping necks and crushing skulls and slicing people open left and right, and Glaber, having watched the carnage from the sidelines, approves wholeheartedly. He instructs Ashur to dispose of the bodies, while he ties up the remaining loose end…
IT’S SEPPIUS. OMG OMG OMG.
Glaber sweetly apologizes to Seppius at not waiting til the next day to hear his response. Seppius, choking on his own blood, only wants to know if his sister is okay, and Glaber assures him that she is—she’s safe and sound, and will remain so…in Glaber’s own house. He promises to take very special care of her, if you know what he means, and Seppius totally does. He dies with Glaber’s foot on his throat and an expression of total horror on his face, knowing that his sister and all of his men now belong to Glaber.
Didn’t I tell you not to mess with Glaber, Seppius? I totally did. Why didn’t you listen? I bet you feel really dumb right about now. Dumb and dead.
Before he leaves, Ashur stops to steal the fancily bedazzled golden snake bracelet off of Seppius’ forearm. This had better be the thing that comes back to bite him on the ass and reveal his part in the slaughter, dammit. OR SO HELP ME.
NEXT WEEK! Actually, my internets friends, next week I am moving, so my recap will be about a day late. SRY!