This week we get our pre-finale episode and going by the “Then” sequence, they’re getting the band back together for the wrap up. Crowley, Alpha Vamp and Ghost Bobby. There’s a distinct feeling of testosterone filled posturing in the air.
Speaking of testosterone, the teaser scene is a nice Fox Television interview with Dick Roman. Dick Roman tells our lovely correspondent that he’s just trying to make Americans happier, healthier people. Remember when the corn industry aired commercials telling us that high fructose corn syrup was a natural, non-obesity causing sweetener, like Stevia but better? Dick Roman is backing their researching and helping them out by buying the industry out and pouring glugs of the stuff into everything that way Americans have the energy to get up and go. Science and credibility. It’s fully possible that Dick Roman knows how fucking magnets work, too.
After the interview, Dick takes his freshly reacquired Word of God and his newly acquired, and bound and gagged, prophet and gets to code cracking. At first Kevin “Advanced Placement” Tran is unwilling to help, even with bribed by a near guarantee to Princeton via Richard “Dick” Roman, Kevin holds his moral ground. He cracks when his they show him his mom is in being held at knifepoint. Even Kevin Tran has an emotional limit.
Back at the ranch, Sam and Dean are clocking more scan time on Kevin’s comp book translation than vintage porn. In this season we’ve learned that Sam and Dean slept with the same woman and re-re-re-read the same Playboy. The family that stays together…
Anyway, they still don’t know exactly what the translation means. Seems that the only thing they’ve figured out is that they need to get all their cake ingredients, built their weapon and take out Dick.
Bob Frost has rallied his strength and can finally rematerialize. He’s been deciphering the Word of God’s poetry and he’s figured out that they need Crowley’s blood and the blood of an Alpha. Dean is a tad wary of Bobby’s theories. For one, where are they gonna find an Alpha (Dean didn’t get to watch the “Then” so he doesn’t have our insider knowledge). And two: Crowley.
Bobby tells Dean that unless he has a better plan, he needs to start executing this one. Dean acquiescence, but Bobby needs actual commitment. His growl cracks the bathroom mirror and it’s like his hand cracked across Dean’s jaw.
In the meantime, Sam has figured out the Dick/SucraCorp connection and fills Dean in on the mass amounts of processed products that high fructose corn syrup is in, including, to Dean’s incredible dismay, pie. Bobby is increasingly annoyed with all the snack talk, which is valid; the inability to munch out has got to be a major cause of ghost aggravation. He slams Sam’s laptop shut and the boys get the message. The brothers get off their rumps and summon Crowley. Crowley is willing to tap a vein, but not until they have all the other ingredients in the ‘fridge. He does give them a tip; the Alpha Vamp is alive and chomping in Hoople, ND.
Sam, Dean and Dean’s bitchin’ new leather jacket head out. They’re fretting about Bobby’s increasing strength and irritability while stocking up on expedition sustenance, Sam ranting about Bobby’s ghostly future, Dean part listening, part blindly defending Bobby and part taking a gander around the gas station. The patrons are pretty much drooling morons. Sam figures out that the corn syrup sedative is already in effect. He slaps an “all natural” pie out of Dean’s hands and they hightail it out of there. Well, they pay for their unaffected fruit and water and then hightail it outta there.
Sam, Dean and Bobby are staking out the Alpha Vamp’s digs, but shockingly it’s nighttime and vamps don’t seem to be too keen on bright lights, so Dean’s having a hard time creepily using his binoculars to see inside. Bobby flashes out of sight to check it out before Sam has the chance to say, “no, wait, don’t”. Bobby flickers back into the car letting them know the coast is clear, but not unworthy of checking out. Inside there’s a buffet table of vamps with some seriously deadly acid reflux issues. To add strange to the weirdness, Sam spots a faux-wall. Seems to be a few of those going around this season.
They search for a switch, but unlike the last episode with a hidden room, Bobby finds the searching tedious and wafts through the wall like a proper specter. Sam and Dean find the switch and let themselves into what Bobby is gawking at: a teenager girl in a princess pink room full of teddy bears.
This week, on a very special episode of Supernatural: SVU, Benson and Stabler comfort and question the young lady. Dean even lets her wear his bitchin’ new leather coat while she sips her tea and tells them about how the Alpha Vamp snatched her from the playground when she was 8 years old. The girl, Emily, has lived in seclusion for 12 years, living off I.V. fluids and, judging by her complexion, making sure that skin cancer would never be a concern.
She does have the scoop on the dead vamps. Turns out that after an abnormally easy hunter their prey’s blood did not agree with them. So, apparently, genetically modified food additives and vampires don’t mix. Sam, Dean, their ghost and their kidnapped refugee all head out to find the Alpha, drain him and open the seal in the basement of the high school.
Oops, wrong group, wrong blood ritual.
On their way to find the Alpha, they stop for snack again. Apparently, nonperishable items don’t keep well in the back seat of an old Plymouth. Dean is not pleased with their new healthy lifestyle. He may go into organ failure with all the nutrients and vitamins running through his system. Sam’s diet, on the other hand, hasn’t really changed much except I’m assuming he’s using lemon juice and olive oil on his salads instead of dressing these days. On their way out of the grocery store they realize that taking on the Alpha Vamp requires a plan, luckily they can save themselves a trip to the morgue and use the Xanax-laced chronic blood flowing through the population’s veins. Conveniently there’s a tubby lad slurping down a Big Gulp right in their path. The man passively agrees to donate to their blood drive and hardly registers the pain of Sam’s syringe.
Emily does her best to lead them down the path of least resistance to the Alpha’s retreat. She’s never been the driver, so she wasn’t really paying that much attention to how to get there. She does surprisingly well, considering, and gives them just enough info for them to figure out that the Alpha holes up in the only monastery in the area. They book a motel room to safely stash Emily in, lock Bobby’s flask in a safe and leave Emily with Sheriff Mills’ phone number just in case. Bobby is already cranky about being left behind to babysit. He’s even more distraught when Emily crumples up the Sheriff’s phone number and calls her Alpha Daddy with a Winchester warning.
Yeah. No one saw that coming. Nope.
The monastery seems empty, which of course means it’s a trap and they get captured the second they step foot in the door. The Alpha Vamp is waiting in the dining room. Along with Emily. Now unarmed, Dean and Sam try to explain that the sharp weapons and bad blood were merely precautionary tools, they really want to calmly and maturely discuss the situation with the Alpha Vamp. His henchman retorts by slamming Dean’s face into the table.
Dude! Not the face! Never a Winchester face!
Turns out the Alpha Vamp and Dick Roman are buddy-buddy and the Alpha is not quick to believe Sam and Dean’s version of the story. Sam pleads their case like the pre-law student he once was, pointing out that they can take out Dick, and temporarily save the vamp population, all they need is some of the Alpha’s blood for their weapon. When you say it out loud it does sound rather absurd, Sam.
They’re interrupted by a small boy, Allan, informing them that Edgar is there. Victims Unit is hopping tonight. The Alpha has Sam and Dean escorted to another room to cool their jets.
Meanwhile, back at the motel Bobby is struggling to crack the safe open. Sam and Dean’s birthdays are a bust, Bobby’s getting completely frustrated and starts poltergeising things around the room. Concerned by the ruckus, the cleaning lady goes into to check out the room and Bobby takes the opportunity to hitchhike a ride in her body. Which considering he’s previously demonstrated that he’s more than capable of maintaining his corporeal nature long enough to dial his b-day into the pass code pad and carry the flask himself, seem lazy and unnecessary.
While Edgar and the Alpha are having a lovely staring contest, Sam and Dean struggle to break out of the room they’ve been locked in. Dean has a plan. His plan is for Sam to pick the lock with one of the many blood bag needles in the room while he pulls a syringe of dope blood that missed the pat down out of his boot.
As the boys make their way back to the dining room, Edgar and the Alpha talk business. After a bit of political back and forth, Edgar finally admits that the adverse reaction isn’t an unforeseen side effect, but a pointed tweak added to kill off any other creature that feeds off humans. The Leviathans are set on keeping the food supply all for themselves. So selfish. Wrestlemania ensues, but Sam and Dean are there in time to slice Edgar’s head off. The Alpha slices open a vein and reenacts a classic scene from Interview With a Vampire. They gather up their crystal goblet of blood and get ready to leave, but insist on taking Allan with them, since he’s still underage and all. The Alpha Vamp reluctantly sends Allan along with them and they all agree to kick each other’s ass next season.
After a hard days work, the brothers return to their motel room to find it trashed, no flask, no Bobby. Nothing but fading traces of EMF.
So, what did you think about the reintroduction of the Alpha Vamp?
And what do you think about the current state of Bobby’s characterization?