Here’s what you missed on Glee! This week was a much better game of chess where the players were moved over the board in ways that are really setting up what’s to come this season. And we had the delightful bonus of Sarah Jessica Parker added to the cast, and let me just tell you that SJP and I have been down since I dreamed of having her body in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. “I love to dance!” Aww, she’s a cutie.
If you don’t know that movie, I weep for you. Bonus Shannon Doherty dancing with doors, come on, people! It’s a sleepover classic.
First, though, we encounter Blaine Anderson determined to make this senior year the best year. How? By joining every single extracurricular club he can (he’ll probably need them to pad his college apps now that he doesn’t have the golden goose egg of Dalton to push him to the top).
Everyone here should know by now that I adore Darren Criss. And I love Blaine Anderson. They are two different beings (with the obvious exception that one is real and one is in The Matrix). There were…some lines blurred here. I thought the choices for clubs that Blaine joined were much more likely for a Starkid than a Warbler, personally. Although getting to see Blaine in both Robin and Catwoman gear was worth it.
And can we all agree that it’s a little…strange that THIS club exists (The Superhero Sidekicks Appreciation Club – and hahaha, in your face, Alpha Gay! This makes Kurt the god damned Batman.) at McKinley, and they’re not beaten the hell up? Because it’s a bunch of dudes literally leaping around in tights.
I’m just saying.
Meanwhile, we see all of these clubs as Blaine sings Tears For Fears’ “Everybody Wants To Rule The World,” which is a really difficult song to pull off because Roland Orzibal (and Curt Smith) have super unique voices that add loads of depth. And it’s just Blaine. He does a good job, it should be said. It’s just really tough to get me to want this version over the original. (Pfft, I’ll buy it, please.)
Blaine tells us via V.O. that he’s trying to fill up all of his time because he misses Kurt. Aww. I mean, come on, cutest boyfriend, what? Bonus moment was the Skype Date they had to hate-watch Treme (a show that I can’t stand, sorry) and the timed handing over the bowl of popcorn as Kurt – on the other end – picks up a piece was too cute for words. I love that they’re in constant communication, even though it’s not the same.
Blaine decides to run for class President – talk about a time filler! Brittany is not amused. (Watch out, Blaine. Lord Tubbington is in a gang, and he’ll jump you one of these nights.)
Back in NYC, Kurt – looking devastatingly handsome in a charcoal tuxedo jacket, crisp shirt and patterned slacks – heads off to an interview with Vogue.com and The Isabelle Wright, iconoclast and paragon of What Is Awesome. And it’s Sarah Jessica Parker! And she is adorable.
She’s no dragon lady, she’s an artist with a heart of gold from Columbus, Ohio – and the mention of food poisoning at Breadstix was pretty damn funny. She loved his application, loves loves loves his wardrobe gallery, and hey – is that a mounted hippo head on a brooch? Kid, you’re hired.
Really? YAY! He hugs her, and I swear, this moment had to be unscripted: she reacts to the pin, says, “That thing should come with a warning.” Kurt replies, “Oh! It did.” Hahaha.
There’s more to this Miss Isabelle than meets the confident natty-dressed eye. She’s floundering a bit. It could go one of two ways: she’ll steal all of Kurt’s ideas and claim them as her own, or she’ll remember her small town heart of gold by virtue of Kurt’s awesomeness. I think (and hope) they’re going for the second one.
Over at McKinley, Brittany asks Artie (who she still believes is part robot) to be her running mate because it will look amazing on his college apps. Um, Artie’s awesomeness will look great on his college apps, thanks. But…winning could get him an in with Sugar, so he’s down.
Two funny moments here: Brittany not remembering they dated (and hey, she took Artie’s virginity) and Artie saying, “I can be the Cheney to your Bush.”
“I prefer a landing strip.”
Not gonna lie, I choked on my drink in the good way.
Will Schuester is back to Season One Will: he’s unfulfilled. And why? Because he’s fulfilled! What else can he achieve? Oh, I don’t know, maintain good leadership for more than an episode? Just me? No, I know, it’s all about the agenda of the script, but still. He’s trying to come up with ways to make Sectionals a Breakfast Cereal theme, or maybe the glory of hats? Hmm. He’s tapped.
Brittany isn’t interested in any of this, however, because she wants to announce Artie as her running mate, which offends Blaine. (With Puck gone, Artie was the remaining ‘shipper!) It’s key that she has him, as it will lock in the all-important vending machine vote. (This should also reduce any hanging CHADs.) Um, this isn’t about popularity, okay? This is about ideas!
Oh, Blaine. Sweet, innocent, rose-tinted glasses Blaine. School government is nothing but popularity. And there’s Sam, sad facing in the middle row because he thought he and Brit were besties now?
Will, unfulfilled and growing restless by the minute, finds Sue to whine about how teaching kind of sucks. Well what did he expect from a job that gives you three months off and you can’t be fired after two years? Prepare for the Mrs. Garrett-ing (Garroting?) of your life. The rejects are going to move in and they’ll have to start a bakery. (Kurt would be Blair, Blaine is obviously Tootie, Puck is Jo, and Santana is Natalie.) GiiIiiIiiIIirls!
When Sam confronts Brit about not being selected, she reminds him about Sarah Palin and her grandfather no longer being friends. Her hands were tied, Sam! But hey, he should pair up with Blaine!
Blaine: Uh, how about I pick for myself?
Brit: Hahaha. That’s funny. Bye!
Sam: Look, I’m straight and poor – I’ll pick up the votes you can’t, Richie Rich. Also? My impressions (does Dubya) are hilarious 100% of the time.
AHAHAHA. I love Sam’s impressions, I won’t lie. Aww, these two dorks belong together. BLAM FOR PRESIDENT!
Now to prepare for the debate. Dun dun duuuuun!
Kurt attends his first Vogue.com staff meeting and sees that Isabelle isn’t really the maverick she’s touted as.
Isabelle: Leather! But unexpected!
Staff: Belts! No, no belts!
Staff: Leather glasses! No, leather cups! No, leather feminine napkins!
Isabelle goes all Don Music (“Oh, I’ll never get it, nevah!” *head piano*) because she can’t tell people their ideas suck! And she’s trapped. Trapped like a well-heeled poodle in a drunken Paris Hilton embrace.
Great moment: Kurt saying “Unexpected Leather sounds like something on the back of the Village Voice.” Oh do tell, Mr. Hummel! Isabelle used to be somebody, she used to be a contender, and now it’s all work, work, work, and the creativity is gone! Cry. “I lucked into a job I don’t deserve!” I really love that, because I think everyone goes through a period of self doubt like that in their lives.
Artie wants to help Brittany with the Verbal Portion of her debate, because her “brain exists in a magical other dimension where anything is possible.” Aw. It’s true. Blaine also wants to help Sam (hey-o, makeover I get it!) smarten up and this leads to the Sam and Brittany singing Hole’s “Make Me Over.”
I am the exact opposite of a Courtney Love fan, let me say. So I’m lukewarm on the song, but it’s cute to see them mugging for the camera like a couple of blonde badasses with good teeth and mutli-vitamins in their bloodstream. Hard core punk!
Also, bonus continuity points to Glee for having Blaine not 100% on Sam in the first place (I can’t be bought!) because Blaine Warbler only sings about sex if there’s a foam party involved, thank you very much.
Will attends his first Show Choir Committee meeting and it’s as exciting as it sounds. *snooze* What’s happening here? He’s gotten everything he wanted and he’s not happy! It looks like the kids of McKinley high will be The Giving Tree until there is nothing left but a stump for him to bitch about. But wait! There’s a government committee that should be even more awesome than the show choir committee! MOAR COMMITTEES! He’ll see what he can do about getting on that one, get more funding for the arts, and I’m just saying a lot of trouble could be avoided if he just contacted a certain World’s Greatest Father and Congressman that we all know and love.
Rachel heads into dance class with a headband and a hot pink top like some kind of dorky jerkfaced virgin, so the Black Swans (ha) mock her for it. I mean, honestly, who wears shirts and headbands? (That…was a little forced. ) Kurt decides to give her a makeover, too, and they head off to the secret Couture Vault at Vogue.com, tripping all kinds of security settings and getting Isabelle there with security guards.
But, come on. Makeover? She’s in! Cue the mash-up of “The Way You Look Tonight” with “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile” from Annie, which was SJP’s first big Broadway production, and that’s nice. I love that they’re acknowledging her successful Broadway career. (Once upon A Mattress!)
Ah, the lovely Boylen Sisters! (You’re never fully dressed, UH! You’re never fully dressed, UH! You’re never fully dressed without a smile!)
They all sound lovely, Rachel gets gussied up, and I guess they’re filming this to make something awesome for the website, get Kurt a leg up, get Rachel a boost of confidence, and Isabelle gets to remember that she actually loves clothes. Fun all around, and seriously, their voices sound wonderful together. I hope there are more numbers coming with those three.
(And I know Creepers are all en vogue right now, but I just can’t stand that footwear. It takes me to the bad place of bike shorts under baby doll dresses and early Sub-Pop music – well, that’s fine, I love Sub Pop – but still. Bad fashion.)
Kurt gets Blaine on Skype to tell him all about it, Blaine thinks it’s wonderful because he thinks everything Kurt does is wonderful (except for tanner in his hand cream and snapping at waiters) but Kurt is on such a high with his new life that he doesn’t focus on Blaine at all. Blaine is the saddest face in Mudville, hurt, and feeling left behind. Woe is Blaine!
Will talks to Emma about this Newer! Better! Committee that could possibly leave him fulfilled, and she says to go for it, because that’s what awesome supportive partners do. Live your dream! We can postpone our wedding! That gives me more time to plan, actually, she’s thinking.
But now it’s time for the debate! Blaine nervously ties his bow tie, and Sam says to lose it so he doesn’t look so uptight. And…hey, it’s like Clark Kent without his glasses! Thanks, Sam!
Sue introduces everyone, she points out that it’s inexcusable that all of the candidates are Gleeks, and points out the inexplicable addition of Vice Presidents, but who cares, really? No one? Okay, let’s start this. Artie?
Artie: FERVENT RAMBLE IN 96 POINT PLAN FOR AN HOUR!
Sam: Uh…what he said, I wasn’t listening.
Sam: HOW ABOUT THESE ABS? *un-tiss un-tiss un-tiss!*
Blaine, earnest, darling Blaine says that Brittany was tyrannical and ineffective, and her ban last year on hair gel was unprecedented. What’s next? Banning Hair? Kittens? Mandatory penguin slaughterhouses? THIS WILL NOT STAND. VOTE BLAM! *peace signs in the air with both hands*
Sue: Rebuttal, Brit?
Brit: I love you. I love school. I love lamp.
Sue: Do you really love lamp, or are you just saying that because you see it?
Brit: I…I love lamp. And I love being here. No more weekends, holidays, it will be all school, all of us, all together ALL THE TIME. Yay!
Artie: aaaaaaaand there goes the election.
GREAT moment: Becky sulking at Sue stopping her xylophone rock-out, and not giving her a flourish when asked. Jane Lynch is awesome with her stead-fast grin. “No? Not feeling it? Okay.” Ha.
Kurt is called into Isabelle’s office for a stressful 10 seconds of “did I lose my job?” Nope! Anna Wintour sent an effusive, gushing praise-filled email for the video! [Cut to computer screen: “great”] They’re going to reshoot the whole thing, but you get credit, Kurt! Hooray! He’s on his way!
Isabelle makes the compelling argument that while Kurt wants to go to NYADA, he really has an eye for fashion. And maybe he should focus on that instead? She adores him and even brings him in to their next meeting and takes him to lunch. Things are looking up for Kurt Hummel, gang.
Rachel, looking hot with an off-the-shoulder dance top and curled hair (wow, what a difference. I’m being sarcastic. She’s always hot.) is warming up when Body comes in to flirt. She flirt sings with him to the really meh song of “A Change Will Do You Good,” and I say that because you can’t really hear the lyrics when Sheryl Crowe sings it. When these two do, you hear how wonky the lyrics are. It’s not that they can’t sing it, they can; it’s just a cheesy tune.
To match it, they flirt run and giggle through the streets of NYC with ice creams and dreams and daring touches and an almost kiss. Le scandale! She invites him over to cook dinner, which we all know is code for: we’ll make out. (I do want to give Lea props for running in those high-heeled boots on cobbled streets. That was seriously impressive.)
At McKinley Blaine and Sam win the election, hooray! They celebrate at Breadstix where Blaine is congratulated by Artie. “What did Kurt say?” Blaine fidgets, makes up something about how over the moon Kurt is about the results, then tries to call him again where the phone rings and rings.
Kurt, meanwhile, is chatting with his boss and new team at the office and has to decline the call. I mean, it’s reasonable. That’s what happens in those settings. (But he should have paid attention beforehand, I’m just saying.) Also, please note that the image for Blaine’s caller ID is from the future. As in, they’re wearing the outfits you’ll see in the promo for the next week. Ahem.
Blaine, sad at the Breadstix, talks over the Klaine piano (noo! not the Klaine song!) about how he came to McKinley for Kurt. And Kurt’s not there anymore. He’s all alone, no Warblers, no Rachel, no Kurt… “I did all of this for him. And now he’s not here.” Oh, honey. You really shouldn’t have transferred from Dalton. Your parents are idiots for letting you.
Sam chucks him on the shoulder because they’re Gaybros now, and isn’t that something cool? They’re like Wolverine and Cyclops! And Blaine is obviously Cyclops because of the hair. He’d never let it get blown out like Wolverine.
Rachel tries to cook duck, because that’s reasonable, and almost burns the damn kitchen down. She puts it out with a little Prosecco and whines at it being ruined when Body shows up. Hey oh, she’s smoking! No, that’s just the duck. No, you’re wearing thigh-high boots, Rachel. That’s…pretty obvious that you’re looking for a little touch.
They flirt-talk and flirt-eat and flirt-sip and flirt-share secrets which prompts Body to say “Hey, I’m just your friend, I get it,” which is code for “Prove me wrong.” So she does. SHE KISSES HIM and the cheesiest music is playing, and that is the universe telling you that this is wrong, missy! (From a show’s perspective. I think anyone offered should bang that bro like a hammer on a nail.)
There’s a knock at the door, and it’s probably that silly boots Kurt, what with him leaving his key all the time! Hair-ear-tuck giggle to the door and OH. MY. GOD.
Of course. It’s Finn. He sees her and smiles. He sees Body in the background and stops. Her face falls.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN, GUYS. *popcorn via Skype*
Next week: The Break Up! Oh, that’s what happens. BUT WHO? I know everyone thinks it’s Klaine given the promo, but my money is on Will and Emma having a massive falling out. (hahaha.) COME ON, IT’S FINCHEL. Remember, no spoilers for upcoming shows, only this show, okay?