The Walking Dead – 3.1 Seed

AMC, Sunday Nights, 9/8PM E/C

Welcome back to a new season of the Walking Dead! I’ll be your new tour guide through the gates of hell, aka the “it’s gonna happen, so you better view this as a survival guide” show. Speaking of survival guides… You’re welcome. Fun fact about me: I grew up in an End of Times-Preparation religion, so the show reminds me of summer camp. Good times! My husband is a competitive sniper, so it’s hilarious to hear him critique their shooting. (Oh my god, Andrew Lincoln, why are you holding your guns like that?)

 

But let’s get to our rag-tag bunch of survivors. We last left off with Shane dead, Lori possibly preggo with his baby and not her husband Rick’s, everyone’s infected so they turn as soon as they’re dead now, Andrea was rescued by some bad-ass chick with two armless, jawless zombies on leashes, and Carl was continuing the trend of not obeying his parents. Again. God dammit, Carl, get in the house.

Peepaw’s cataracts are looking bad again, oh nope, that’s no one’s Peepaw any more. That, my friends, is the walking dead. [And I want to point out the awesome makeup effects on this show.] Peepaw and Uncle Cleetus shamble around a kitchen until Seal Team Six busts in. Rick holds his gun with a limp wrist and way up high in the air (He shoots down. Why does he do this?), T-Dog is holding the strongest arrow in the world and plunges it repeatedly through skulls and eye sockets, and Daryl Dixon continues to be my perfect Zombie Apocalypse Mate. Erm, if my husband didn’t make it, I meant.

They sweep through the house effectively, and even Carl – sporting longer “end of times” hair – makes quick work of Meemaw in her 18 Hour Bra without batting an eye. His gun has a homemade silencer on it, and that’s good thinking, folks. Zombies have excellent hearing, it seems. At the end of their sweep, Daryl comes upon Hedwig chilling out (even the owls look hungry) and a solid twang tells us the crossbow did its job.

The gang all come in, now the house is clee-uh, and boy do they look rode hard and put away wet. Even Doc Hershel has apocalypse hair. Lori is evidently taping a single shotgun shell to her very huge pregnant belly. (It’s a terribly fake looking belly. Why can they get dripping entrails and lack of jaw bones right, but they can’t make a pregnant woman look pregnant?) Daryl starts plucking the owl.

Protip: Scald that body with some boiling water – you’d be boiling water before you’d drink it – and the feathers will slip right off.

Carl finds two cans of dog food. Good work, kid! He settles in with a can opener while everyone watches as drool fills their mouths, but Rick has decided they’re better than that and knocks it out of Carl’s hand. Rick? Quick word with you: you are not above chicken feet and pig anus, okay? It is the end of days, brother, and meat is meat. Especially if it’s that Blue Mountain stuff.

T-Dog looks out the window, sees approaching walkers (so much for that silencer help) and they all high tail it out of the house (why?) and into their vehicles. Daryl has enough wits about him to keep a’hold of the owl. Just another day in the life, gang.

New intro! Millipedes are taking over the earth! Arrows are inexplicably left behind in trees! Graveyards are no longer a place of solace! And no place is left intact in post-Zombie America. And… oh, there’s a prison at the end. We have our season’s setting.

They all regroup in the middle of a country road (take me home, to the place I belong! West Virginia, mountain mama!) with a map, trying to figure out their next move. Well, you should have checked the garage for lawnmower gasoline, for starters. A little WD-40 is always handy, not to mention blankets. But what do I know? My planning is all “theoretical.” They mention a “herd” of Zeds about 150 strong, but that was last week. It may have doubled since then. That was something really cool last season, where we see that the dead are flocking together and migrating, and I hope they explore that more this season.

Protip: know your enemy and their habits, customs, and migratory paths.

They need to stop going house to house in podunk ‘Merica, because they’ve hit everywhere. And Lori is about to pop (and that shotgun shell is going to blow her tummy up); they need to settle in somewhere. Because women can’t give birth and move, don’t you know. (How did we survive as a species, guys? Come on. Man, we’re soft.)

While T-Dog and the ladies go do laundry, Daryl and Rick go hunting – one owl wasn’t enough for everyone. Hey, maybe you should have kept those cans of dog fo– You know what? They’ll figure it out, or they won’t.

They spy a prison on the wrong side of the train tracks and get excited. It’s a high security type, too, with double fences topped by razor-wire, guard towers, and a nice big enclosed yard. They all converge at the outer-most fence, where someone cuts through it. I hope you have plans to knit that back– Oh, good, they’re being smart and binding the fence closed once they’re all through it! They bludgeon their way through the double fence, getting walkers on either side by jamming crow bars into eye sockets until they get to a safe spot.

Carol and Daryl are sent up one tower with rifles, Hershel up another, and the rest of the group will make noise and eye-stab walkers through the chain link fence while Rick runs ahead to clear out the yard. And Rick is an amazing shot. Like, there has never been such an efficient shooter in the world, and he’s got that limp wristed high-overhead hold, so… But he’s our hero, so he’s going to make it. The ladies all have snub-nosed .357s and the like, and those won’t shoot 20 feet ahead, but they’ll take down a zombie at 200 yards with no kickback!

Protip: Two hands around the base of your handgun, please. Lock those wrists and elbows and widen your stance. And get a real handgun: Israeli-issue Desert Eagle, .50 cal. I’m just looking out for you, okay?

They all make quick work of the Shamblers in the yard like it’s a turkey shoot. Because it is. Carol is praised for her bad assery; she joyfully cries out, “We haven’t had this much space since we left the farm!” They all race into the cleared space, but a zombie raises its head as Glenn walks past. He provides its skull with some much needed air conditioning through its forehead, and that is some foreshadowing. Double tap, come on! Mozambique rules should still apply, folks. Someone should walk through and make sure every body is permanently immobilized.

They set up a campfire in the middle of the yard (no one’s worried about looters? Raiders?) as Rick checks the perimeter for any breaches. T-Dog plans out the sanitary disposal of the bodies (smart), lays out a plan for fresh water (smarter), and Hershel gets misty-eyed over thoughts of cukes and ‘maters, maybe some soybeans. He then grows even more misty-eyed over how wonderful Rick is, how smart and careful and gosh, aren’t his eyes just the bluest? (They are.)

Carol finds Daryl, brings him dinner, and they josh and joke, and I love those two. She mumbles about the kickback on her rifle (hers actually had some) and Daryl gives her a little shoulder massage. Oh, does he now?

Back at the fire, Hershel needs to quell his growing thoughts on how much of a savior Rick is, so he makes his daughter Beth sing a song for everyone. Maggie joins in, and Rick shoves his uneaten Hedwig at Lori for her to eat. Things…aren’t good between those two.

Rick lays out the plan for how things are going to go. The prison could be a goldmine of medical supplies, food, ammo, and most importantly, solidly thick walls to protect them from outsiders. This wasn’t one of those cushy Fed prisons, though; this looks like Oz (hoo!), so the security could just be a pipe dream – Chompers may have been securely locked inside, waiting for a bite to eat. But they’ve got to try. It looks like the place fell quickly, seeing as everyone they encountered thus far was either a guard or a prisoner.

Lori tries to wide-eye some “gosh, thank you!” to her husband Rick, because there’s a huge divide between the two of them, but Rick isn’t interested in her patronizing tone. She’s genuinely trying to reach out, but she has done enough damage by sleeping with Rick’s best friend who he then had to kill. Twice. (Well, Carl did the second killing, technically.) She wants to talk about the baby, but he doesn’t. At all. She can talk to Hershel about that, because he has “stuff” to do. Damn, Rick got cold this winter.

The next day, someone moving like smoke through a general goods store perks up a few walkers. It’s the chick that saved Andrea, and she’s wielding a katana blade (one of the best post-Apocalypse weapons there is). De-heading of one walker, double stab of two others with a bonus beheading and she is officially my new Apocalypse Mate. Sorry, Daryl. She grabs a blister pack of Aspirin and heads out. (We’ll learn her name is Michonne.)

My Zombie Apocalypse Bride.

Rick and Company [T-Dog, Glenn, Maggie, Daryl] move through the prison courtyard, and there’s an awesome shot of someone getting beheaded, and seriously: that is a lot of work the special effects team has to do. They all have hand-held weapons, because let’s face it: bullets are precious things, and that’s why Michonne has a katana blade. The group looks like a well-oiled machine, their backs to each other, one person stabbing here, another plunging through an eye socket there. The further they move in, the thicker the walkers are around them.

And oh, shit, some of them are former guards in riot gear. (Which begs the question, how did they get infected? Their faces are covered with masks, they have kevlar from head to toe, I didn’t see a bite on anyone’s neck. Hmm.) Maggie figures out that she can stab up under their chins and take them out, so the rest of the group follows suit. It’s some seriously bad ass gore we’re witnessing, and Rick pulls off one of their face masks, whoops, one of their faces, and de-tops the former SWAT’s skull via eye-duct.

(Anyone else think of KFC chicken and the skin slipping off?  All herby, juicy and delicious?  Did I just ruin that forever for you?  Apologies.)

Nice work, Maggie!

They pen in the rest of the walkers in a gated part of the courtyard, and I’m just saying, a grenade tossed over could do some good. Daryl notices that one of the people he killed was a civilian. Hmm, maybe this place didn’t turn fast and go undetected by survivors after all…

(Also, am I the only one worried about them all fighting with their mouths open while blood is spraying?  No face masks?  No one worried about nostrils and eyes with flecks of infected blood?  Yes, I’m treating Walker-itis like HIV. And if you were wise, you would, too.)

The group moves inside the first level of security where Rick finds a dead guard. (Dead-dead, not un-dead dead.) He grabs the keys, they push on and find the outer cells with a few walkers still in occupancy. There’s nothing that poses a major threat; the place can be sealed off with keys, so it’s a great place to spend the night. The rest of the prison is still a crap shoot but tonight, at least, they’ll have beds. Semen and blood soaked mattress covered beds. ‘Nitey ‘nite!

(In the apocalypse that is like a gee dee Hilton.)

Glenn and Maggie bunk up, where he immediately proves he’s the sweetest by checking her for scratches and generally caring for her. Aww. Carol and Lori bunk up, and seriously: that is a totally fake looking belly. Sigh. Carl jokes around with Beth in her cell, when Hershel comes in to give him the Father Stink Eye.

Male writers? Camera three. I get it. You had a boner for your babysitter when you were little. It happens. But there isn’t a 15-16 year old girl around that is going to get all hot and bothered over a 10 year old boy. She’s probably fantasizing about Glenn and Daryl. Maybe realize we women watch these shows, too, and we’d like to be represented accurately. /End rant.

I mean, give me a break. And Carl? GET IN THE GODDAMN HOUSE.

Daryl, always the canny one, bunks on a high-overhead loft area, and Rick collapses against the wall, completely spent. Again, probably shouldn’t have tossed the dog food, Bucko. (Don’t get me wrong: I love Eggs. And I love you if you know why I’m calling him that.)

Michonne returns to her hide out, which is a deer cooler (fun fact for non-hunters: you kill a deer, drain the blood, take it to a “cooler” – if you don’t have your own – where it “ages” for about three weeks at 40F. Then it’s processed into sausages, tenderloins, etc.) and I’m thinking that place must smell like a skunk’s taint by this point. She finds Andrea curled up in a sunny patch, and Andrea isn’t doing well.

Michonne gives her aspirin, cools her fevered brow with a bottle of water, and let me just say that she’s my favorite person right now. Bad ass, takes care of business, brings home the bacon, fries it up in a pan, and never (no, never! No – never!) let’s you forget the romance. Double you oh, em a en.  Let me say it again.

Andrea wants to be left to die, but Michonne doesn’t play that game. What, she spends the rest of her days with the Doublemint Twins? They don’t have arms to hold her when the nights get bad, okay?

And I don’t know what’s been happening between you ladies all winter, but I like it. Female friendships for the win!

Andrea says solemnly, “They’re coming.” (Who?! A herd?) Michonne takes action. Twins on chains, Andrea stumbling behind, and they’re off on the move, because to stay there is to die there.

Back at the prison, Rick finds some riot gear. A lot of it is…sticky. Ahem. Melty brains, anyone?

Daryl: There isn’t enough cleansing fire on the earth. (He’s been doing just fine in his tank tops, okay? And thank you for not covering up his arms, Show.)

Rick points out the ammo they’ve found, including flash bangs. “I don’t know how they’ll work on Walkers, but we’ll take them.” You should probably test it out, Rick. Oh, and Rick? I bet they’ll work on raiders and looters.

Lori has her talk with Hershel. And she has a great point: if they’re all infected, who’s to say that the baby isn’t already a “walker” inside her body? She thinks that because the baby isn’t moving. At all. And she’s not having any Braxton-Hicks anymore (those are preparatory contractions. You feel those in your back. Real contractions you feel in your teeth and soul.)

Someone has watched the reboot of Dawn of the Dead. I approve. She tells Hershel that if she dies in childbirth (a real possibility), she wants them to put her down. She might hurt the baby. Or, you know, if the baby is Shane’s infected, kill it immediately. Lori, you’re being a thinker now, and I approve of that, too.

Seal Team Six moves into the deep recesses of the prison, and damn it is dark as hale up in there. Well, no duh, but still. It’s wonderfully spooky. Raise your hand if you called out “Dead Man Walking” at any point here. There are dead bodies all over the ground, but when I say dead, I mean they are skeletons with a little clinging meat. (But the brains might still be active! Come on, guys, this isn’t your first time at the rodeo! Don’t get complacent now.)

Glenn, because he’s a comic book guy, aka prepared for what could happen, knows to spray-paint arrows on the walls to mark the way back.

Protip: Always stick with one direction. It’s the Maze Rule: stay right. Always stay right. (Then your return is always left.) Also, whenever you enter a new space: weapon should be drawn, and you should “slice the pie.” This is some basic Quantico stuff you should have gotten from the first ten minutes of Silence of the Lambs, folks.

They’re making decent progress until they hit a T junction. Left? Right? (RIGHT!) But no, they go left. And then come face to face with a group of walkers. See what happens when you don’t go right? You could have come up behind them and taken them out. Tsk, tsk.

Chaos ensues, Rick yells “Go back!” and Hershel stumbles over a hand. Which starts twitching. Uh oh. The group gets split up by walkers, and Glenn and Maggie duck into a closet to hide out. The rest push forward, Hershel starts hollering for them, and Glenn and Maggie pop back out, relieved. And just in time to see Hershel not care about anything on the floor or that twitching hand. …which grabs him, pulls his Achilles (mm, stringy goodness!) into its gaping maw and bites down.

‘Bye, ‘bye Hershel. Well…maybe not. Everyone’s screaming, they grab Hershel, drag him off, someone pulls out bolt cutters (smart) and unlocks a storage room. They barricade themselves in there, Hershel screams his head off, and Rick pulls out a hatchet and makes an executive decision. The leg needs to go.

He whacks at Hershel’s leg just below the knee, and after several attempts (oh, dear lord) properly separates the limb. (Someone has watched Evil Dead/Army of Darkness. I approve.) Then Maggie is told to tie off the leg.

Protip: Tourniquet that shit before you cut! Then tighten it more after you cut. Then make a fire, heat up the side of that blade, and cauterize that wound.

As Rick realizes that Hershel is “bleeding out” (No, you don’t say?) Daryl gives him a “duh” look and then whispers, “Duck.”

There are bodies looking back at them from behind a chain link fence! More walkers? One of them bugs his eyes out and says, “Holy shit.” Nope, actual people. But who knows if that’s worse? My guess? It will be.

Never trust another group! Ooooh, this looks like a good season, guys. Prisons make excellent hide outs – as long as you have enough ammo and people to defend it – and need I remind you that there is a chick with two armless, jawless zombies on leashes? Cannot wait!

What are you thinking? High hopes? And a reminder that we’re future episode spoiler free here. (And I have not read the graphic novels. I’ve heard the show seriously diverges, anyway, so let’s treat those as if they don’t exist.)

Next Week’s ep, Sick!

Please like & share:
  • christy

    My heart almost broke when Carol asked Daryl if he wanted to screw around. Keep your mitts off my….. I mean… uh. Then I remembered that my mister is a good shot and calmed down. So. Excited. For. This. Season. Also, I am as pregnant as Lori is and you are right. That is one fake ass belly. It jiggled. I have more fat on my body than her and it doesn’t move like that. And how does she still have a belly button. I would have eaten the dog food. That’s good protein.

    • I love Carol and Daryl flirting and being chummy! Michonne is my Zombie Apocalypse Bride, now, so I can share Daryl for pro-creating purposes. Ha.

      I have never seen a pregnant woman on TV (that wasn’t actually pregnant) that looked right. Why is this hard? NEVER THROW AWAY GOOD CANNED FOOD, FOLKS. Bush league, seriously.

      • christy

        Yes, Carol deserves some goodness after getting her ass handed to her via her shitty dude and zombie kid. So. I guess I can share my make believe dude.
        So have they just been circling around for 6 months or so? And they are still driving around that compact car? Hmm.

        • It’s the End of Times, Christy. You have to share men. Well, men worth procreating with.

          They have two cars plus the motorcycle, from what I saw. Whatever gets good gas mileage is what they should be sticking with, I say. I’m glad they jumped ahead in the time line, though. I’m ready to see if something wicked crawls out of Lori a la “Z.” Lizard baby!

    • sati

      Hell, I laughed so loud when Carol hit on Daryl that I scared my cats and my husband.

      • I love how relaxed Carol is now! THAT IS THE POWER OF A DIXON.

  • Amy J.

    I thought Rick took off his belt and put it around Herschel’s leg before he starting going all 40 whacks on him. (Er, I may or may not have seen the episode 3 times at this point.)

    In total agreement about Lori’s fake belly, about the fact that they should have eaten the darned dog food, and about the way Rick holds a gun, which you described PERFECTLY. I hadn’t actually noticed it before, having little experience with guns, but you’re spot on.

    We were puzzled about Glenn using spray paint, which seemed noisy. Why not a marker or some tape or something? Well, maybe all they had was the paint.

    • I was mocking the continuity error with the belt. He did, then they showed it after the fact all loose, hence his call to Maggie to tighten it. COME ON, EDITORS. Catch that stuff! (I’m not actually mad at the editors. I loved this episode.)

      EAT THE DOG FOOD, WHAT ON EARTH!? That’s straight meat and corn, like Sunday Dinner from America’s Heartland! I have been bothered by Rick’s handling of guns from Day One. I mean, clearly Andrew Lincoln isn’t a hand gun expert and appears self-taught, but that’s something they should have addressed. You cannot shoot that way! I think the powers that be behind the show don’t care about accuracy with that sort of thing (seeing as all of the women are using crappy hand guns that couldn’t go the distance like they show.) It’s a minor thing, but I take this stuff seriously. (Hee.)

      Paint would be faster than tape, which would use two hands, is my guess.

      • Beth

        Except that Rick was a freaking COP and he should KNOW BETTER on how to hold a gun. No excuse! I support this wtf-ery.

        • RIGHT?!?! (Allen goes BANANAS every single episode.) When one of the women picked off a zombie at 500 yards with their snub nosed .22, I thought he would have a heart attack. :D

      • Amy J.

        Yeah, clearly he put the belt on too loosely (or a belt is just insufficient for the job) but I felt like Rick’s “he’s bleeding out” was more a general statement of shock than a request for Maggie to do something. She was up holding Herschel’s head anyway.

  • christy

    I’m just wondering if I can fit my family in something that size.
    I like that they have allowed the characters to “age”. Seeing Maggie and Glenn caring for each other is sweetness. I wonder if T-dog is just a yoeman Johnson at this point. I hope not.

    • No lie, I kept waiting for T-Dog to get it all episode.

  • Sue

    Aww, Lori’s Lee Press-On belly! I never even thought about a stillbirth and having to push out a Walker. This show gives me serious belly rumblings, Laura.

    Two in the chest, one in the head! It’s one of the first things you taught me! Well, that and how to get baked-on stains off of cookware with baking soda and peroxide. Oh,the things I’ve learned at your feet!

    Carl probably ate handfuls of Dog Chow as a toddler, most kids do. Rick should have let him have the horsemeat — 10,000 Dothraki can’t be wrong.

    I didn’t realize you were recapping the WD! You’re a machine.

    • Show me a child that hasn’t eaten kibble between the ages of 2 and 4, and I’ll show you a child from a house without pets. Wait, what? Sue, no lie, I snort-laughed at 10.000 Dothraki. Rick, maybe your son is the next Kahl, okay? GIVE HIM THE CANNED PONY.

      (Did you see the newer Dawn of the Dead? First, Ty Burrell is in it, and he’s delightfully awful. Second, it’s awesome. Third, SOMEONE DELIVERS A ZOMBIE BABY. It’s awesome.)

      Sue, because you know how to put a scald on a chicken, you’re totally on my Zombie Apocalypse team.

      • Sue

        I will add the newer Dawn of the Dead to my Netflix queue!

        After the show last night, I was talking to Eddie about how humanity is screwed because most of the people I know (outside of my rural hometown) don’t know how to re-light a pilot light, much less how to scald, salt and preserve! Then I realized that *I* don’t know how to hold a gun (much less pull a trigger), how to drive a standard transmission (much less start one stalled on the side of the road for months) and I have short little legs and wee ankles — not much of a sprinter.

        But *I* do know how to start a sourdough sponge, I can cook anything someone can kill and I’ve already eaten squirrel, rabbit, coon and ‘possum in my life: I’m not squeamish. So I will gladly ride up with your posse and scald them chickens (lizards, ferrets, what-have-yas).

        Re: how smart are the zombies? I was wondering that, too. Have they developed animal instinct? Was the zombie actually playing ‘possum or was he merely shagged out after a prolonged moan and just then noticed Hershel? After all, a muskrat can’t do logarithms, but he does know to build his mud hut a mite thicker if there’s a blizzard a-comin’ (and I love that you know that reference is from “The Long Winter.”)

        • What I love is that I know you will build a false wall and fill it with wheat. And you’ll twist hay for the fire. :D

          I swear, if more people connected with their inner Laura Ingalls Wilder, they’d know how to do some of this stuff. And they’d know to stay away from the Big Slough when its iced over.

          You will play an important part of keeping the home fires burning, Sue! And I’ll even teach you how to make reloads to up your worth. Hee.

        • Amy J.

          The newer Dawn of the Dead is pretty awesome in some ways. First, Sarah Polley. Second, the first 20-30 minutes is incredibly strong and might be my favorite opening of a horror movie ever. (Followed closely by 28 Weeks Later, which I guess makes it clear I’m a big zombie-ish fan.)

          • THE OPENING TEN MINUTES OF 28 WEEKS LATER IS UTTERLY TERRIFYING.

            It is seriously one of the greatest moments in cinematic history, in my opinion. (Translation: you’re with family here.) :)

  • Beth

    Your first protip about boiling the owl: wouldn’t they need excess water to do that? It seems like water is such a valuable item that they wouldn’t use what little they have to boil a bird, especially when they’re in a rush to just loot and locomote? Y/N? Plus, ten bucks says Daryl used those feathers on handmade arrows. Because he’s a bad ass like that.

    The fact that Herschel got “j/k, I’m not dead, lol” bitten makes me wonder how smart these zombies are. Is it because they ran out of food being imprisoned and are getting smarter as hunters? I AM CURIOUS.

    And Michonne had to be a stone cold bad ass. She’s a new character and that’s always risky. I’m glad they didn’t pull any punches and said, “Oh, in case you’re wondering if you’re going to like this new girl? You will. Example beheaded A, double-stab B, and beheaded X-Z. You’re welcome, audience.”

    I’m also with Amy J. I’m pretty sure there was a belt that went around that leg before Rick chopped it off. (AND WHY DELAY ON THE FINAL CUT? MY GOD, GET IT OVER WITH FOR THAT POOR OLD MAN) But if their only doctor dies, they are all effed in the b-holes. Especially Lori, who is the world’s worst mother. But you’re right, she’s finally thinking with actual brain parts this season instead of with an alien brain that is mildly damaged. I was also thinking zombie baby inside her before it came out of her mouth. It was as if she read my mind, Laura. But the thought in my head that she didn’t read was that soap operas have better fake preggers stomachs than this show. Why always with the sticky-out button? WHY.

    I was sort of hoping Beth and Maggie would start singing something by Katy Perry. That cheers everyone up!

    • Here’s my reasoning on water with the owl: Boil water for drinking and sundries. Pan, owl, pour some of the water over the owl, then reuse that to wash away blood, entrails, because you don’t want to leave a scent trail for Zombies. There can be order in an apocalypse! :D Daryl would TOTALLY use feathers for homemade arrows. He continues to be awesome.

      I am VERY INTERESTED in seeing how smart the zombies are. My personal thought on the one that bit Hershel is that he had gone so long without food that it was weakened. Surely there has to be a Kreb’s calorie cycle for Zombies? SURELY. How about it, Science?

      Michonne is easily my favorite right now. EASILY. I have no clue about the belly button sticking out. I have never seen that, personally. I know of someone who said their belly button stuck out in the end, but I’ve never seen it. And you know that I grew up Mormon in Mormon land where there were ALWAYS PREGNANT WOMEN. (Not to mention having been pregnant three times myself.) WHY CAN’T THEY DO THIS.

      (See my comment to Amy re: belt.) Katy Perry, hahahaha! “Last Friday Night” would have been a fun choice. Or anything by the Beibs.

  • Geeka

    I bow to your knowledge!! I love the show and how semi accurate it can be. I think that’s why I’m a little disappointed with revolution. They don’t show enough survival skills.

    Total snaps on calling out the long shots from the snub nose!!! I’m excited that you started recapping this!! Can’t wait for the next one!!

    Have to go…. Surplus city in my town is going out of business and that means one thing… Guns on sale!! Time to stock up!!

    • I want to love Revolution because HELLO, EVERYTHING I LOVE. =/ But this show just about satisfies the “I will survive The End” in me.

      The little weird things they get wrong are small enough that I don’t actually get upset, but it’s fun to point it out. :D Daryl Dixon is perfect enough for me. And now, Michonne! Oh, she is glorious.

      So glad you’re enjoying these! I’m excited to be writing them and watching with everyone.

  • sati

    I was SO disappointed this episode- I could not have one shot in my “where’s carl?” drinking game.

    I have been wondering about zombie baby since the abortion that wasn’t- a few weeks old zombie fetus would work how exactly? But as a fan of DotD full term zombie baby, I am waiting for an “Alien” moment.

    the guns. Can we please spend an hour at a gun range? Just one hour would correct so many issues.

    My go to ZA prep books are the Foxfire books…. “how not to die in the wilderness, appalachia style”

    • Ha! I think you’re going to need a new game board – they’re trying to age him up, is my guess.

      I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the old ‘8os miniseries V, but one of them had a set of twins where one was a lizard, and that image of it crawling out has stayed with me for years. In the beset of “I LOVE THE CRAZY” of ways.

      They seriously need to hit a gun range, and Daryl needs to be the teacher.

  • Sam

    I’m offended that you suggested a Desert Eagle as a real handgun and now we are no longer friends. Goodbye.

    MICHONNE AND ANDREA FELL IN LOVE, APPARENTLY, THERE IS NO OTHER EXPLANATION FOR ALL THE STARING.

    • SAM WHAT THE HELL IS A DESERT EAGLE IF NOT A HANDGUN YOU CRAZY PERSON? (You do realize that I own one, right?) DON’T MAKE ME BREAK UP WITH YOU. I cannot deal with a Sam-less world.

      I am in FULL SUPPORT of Andrea/Michonne love. FULL. SUPPORT.

      • Sam

        IT IS A HANDGUN IN THAT IT IS TECHNICALLY A FIREARM THAT YOU CAN PUT IN YOUR HAND. What I meant is that they’re a showy/expensive ~conversation piece~ and you are the only non-jerk I know who owns one. They’re the firearm equivalent of owning a giant pickup truck when you live in the city and work in an office. I’M SORRY THESE ARE MY SINCERE FEELINGS ON THE MATTER.

        ANYWAY EVERYONE SHOULD JUST USE MACHETES.

        I’m mad that they skipped their whole deal! I want flashbacks.

        • Wanna be gangbangers are all about the gold plated, it’s true. But I’m all about the Israeli-issue – it can take dust storms, getting a little wet, it’s easy to break down and it’s a FIFTY CAL. That’ll blow someone’s head to smithereens.

          I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS. I’m also a HUGE fan of an 1860 Henry rifle with cowboy action. THAT THERE IS A FINE SHOOTIN’ PIECE.

          • I am a little too turned on by all this talk of weaponry between vaginas. And Laura? May I share your Zombie Bride and be your sister-wife? Please and thanks.

  • harmonyfb

    She tells Hershel that if she dies in childbirth (a real possibility), she wants them to put her down.

    The look on Hershel’s face is “It’s so sweet you think we wouldn’t double tap you the second you stopped moving.”

    But I spent most of the episode talking about how the baby was probably going to turn chestburster, and the minute Lori mentions that she hadn’t felt it move, I said “Called it!”

    • Right behind cardio, the double tap. YOU CAN’T BE AFRAID TO TAKE OUT A LOVED ONE. And I think by now they all know this. Lori? Your ass is grass, should you turn.

      I just want the chestbursting baby to grab a top hat and sing, “Hello m’baby! Hello m’honey – hello my rag time gaaaaaaal!”

  • Jackie

    Seriously, that was the worst representation of a pregnancy I’ve ever seen. First of all. BODY/FACE padding. Don’t care if it is the zombie apocalypse, you cannot look completely malnourished but with a freakish mutant huge belly and have viewers look at you and go, oh she’s pregnant. You need to have some weight on you, or your body will not sustain the pregnancy. Second. That BELLY. That thing is as fake seeming as Mitt Romney’s sense of compassion. Third. Seriously, WTF was with that belly?

    • YES. Your face would be altered. Or it would be GREY and HORRID. Pah. She wouldn’t have such a huge belly if she was so malnourished, yep.

      OMG, I lol’d so hard at it being as fake as Mitt Romney’s sense of compassion. I believe you have won yourself a shiny internet, Jackie. Use it wisely.

  • Jackie

    Hahaha thanks.

  • You know what I think is gonna happen? The baby is gonna eat its way out of Lori and then a creepy werewolf dude without a shirt on will appear because the monster baby is his ONE TRUE LOVE FOR LIFE. Also, I hear the baby may sparkle…

    Oh wait. I may have just confused two stories…hmmm.

    We really wanted Rick to make Lori eat the dog food. For protein, yanno? Not for punishment for being Lori. No. Not at all.

    I love Carol and Daryl. Caryl? Darol? hehe. I hope Herschel survives the hack job. I mean, if the shock of the butchering didn’t kill him, that is. Sigh.

    El Jefe and I spend a lot of time (probably way too much) pick apart their survival instincts. EAT WHATEVER FOOD YOU FIND. Damn. And yes, please close your damn mouths when you’re poking an eye out. Also, I really hope Lori dies in childbirth because she gets on my ever loving last nerve. UGH.

    • christy

      EAT THE FOOD, LORI! For reals.
      Lol’s for the Twilight reference..

  • OH and I forgot to add the most important thought I had of them all… What if the cure to the virus is in the blood of the newborns? What if babies are born immune? They’re not monsters, they’re superhumans of awesome. And let the baby boom begin. Let the line for Daryl’s broodmares start behind me.

    • Beth

      DUDE! I BELIEVE YOU ARE ONTO SOMETHING. LIGHT BULBS HAPPENING IN MY HEAD SPACE.

      I think we all need to channel our inner-Jeff Goldblum. “No, I’m, I’m simply saying that life, uh… finds a way.” If we’ve learned anything from Jurassic Park which has no scientific flaws in it whatsoever, we’ve learned that humans and animals alike can’t ever, ever die. Nothing will wipe them out. Not even Ice Ages or tectonic plate shifts. So long as there is sap and mosquitoes, we can recreate an entire species. What I’m saying is that inside Lori is a mosquito zombie and we all just need to accept the fact a new race of mosquombies will be created, much like the dinosaurs that never existed, ever, that were in Jurassic Park.

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