Game of Thrones 3.1 – Valar Dohaeris

Why don't any of these people wear hats?

Why don’t any of these people wear hats?

Welcome back, friends, to the fastest hour on television. (How am I shocked when the episode is over every single time? ) Previously on Game of Thrones: incest! Murder! War! King Weaselteat getting a Tyrion smack down!

(And if you’re new to the site, welcome! We’re a NON-HATE place. This is where you come to ride out your buzz of excitement with fellow fans. No dickish behavior, no character bashing, no rude comments. You literally have the rest of the internet for that stuff, you know?)

 

So we left off in Season 2 with Samwell “Red Leader Porkins” Tarley stumbling  as a crowd of Wight Walkers/Zombies overtook him far north of the The Wall.  He sat pissing himself (icicles in bad places!) as one seriously wrinkled Wight Walker made eye contact. The Grandpa Zombie then pointed his ice spear (Surely there’s stronger material than ice? That has a damage of like, only 4. Pfft.) and called to his peeps:

“To the windows! To the Wall! ‘Til the flesh drop off my balls! All y’all Crows gone call! Ah, screech screech, Wight Walkers! Ah, screech screech, hot damn!”

Porkins takes off running (oh, now you can run?) and sees a fellow Crow just a head. Well, holding his head because he’s dead. Well…shit. And great, now there’s a Wight Walker with a sweet battleaxe (actual steel, not ice, increase in damage 20%) bearing down on him when Ghost the Direwolf saves the day, yay puppy!!

Well, almost. Ghost pulls and tugs the Wight Walker who’s only goal is to eat Porkins and his Cracklings. The remaining Watchers of the Wall are suddenly there with fire, putting the Wight Walker down for good. It’s Lord Mormont, and boy, is he not happy.

“So, that job I gave you? The whole ‘send the ravens’ thing? You did that, right? Tell me…tell me you did your one damn job.”

Uh.

Look, Porkins. Professional Gilly Admirer isn’t an actual job, so you need to nut up and get your head in the game. Mormont barely keeps himself from kicking Porkins in chops as he tells the rest of the group that they better high-tail it back to the wall and get the message out. Or everyone they’ve ever loved will be dead. Thanks for nothing, SAMWELL.

Cut to: Theme Song and Moving Map of Westeros! Holy crow, do I love this part of the show. I can’t help it, I love models. We have some new things here, such as Winterfell burning (ahh!!) and across the Gulf of Grief, Astapor.

We’re back in the land of the ice and snow, where the hot chicks fight and dig on Jon Snow. (Ah AHH ahhhhhh AH!) Ygritte and the rest of the Wildlings lead Jon into their really crappy low rent tent city where Ygritte flirt-threats some more, Jon sees a Giant for the first time, and a pack of unruly boys throw rocks at him as he’s taken to meet Mance Rayder.

Cheer up, Emo Kid! Also, if you find yourself struggling with staying warm, I'm in Tent #3. [wink]!

Cheer up, Emo Kid! Also, if you find yourself struggling with staying warm later, Ygritte and me will be waiting in Tent #3. [wink]!

In the nicest of the crappy tents is the King of the Wildlings, with his beard the color of fire, and flame of anger in his eyes. Wait, nope, total fake out. This is Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter, who has no love for Crows and can’t believe someone as puny and emo as Jon actually killed Quorin Halfhand.

Actual Mance Rayder comes out to greet Ned Stark’s Bastard (who in Westeros doesn’t know Jon is Ned’s bastard? Anyone?) and Jon barely comes to his chin.  Mance wants to know what the hell Jon’s doing there. “Um, to be free?” Riiiiight.  Kill him!

Wait, no, see, they went to Creepy Craster (the incestiest of the incesters) beyond the wall and Jon saw him take a baby boy and essentially feed it to a Wight Walker. And the Lord Commander knew Craster did that, which, gross. Jon just wants to fight with the living against the dead. (And I think he’s actually very angry and upset about it, still. Because Jon is good people.)

Right answer, consider yourself a member of the community, Jon. CLOAK HIM.

Back in King’s Landing, Bronn is getting his freak on with a congested prostitute when Pod (the kid who saved Tyrion Lannister in the battle of Blackwater) says to cut it out and hurry up to work.  Fiiiiiine. See, Tyrion is basically locked away in a storage closet because his family is the worst. Cersei has shown up with two guards; she just wants “to talk.”  Mm hm.

Things I love about Cersei: the absolute disregard for her guards—the expectation that they’ll do what she wants without having to say anything to them is amazing. This is a woman who is a Queen with a capital “off with their heads.”  She’s not giving that up without a fight.

She and Tyrion trade barbs. (She’s worried he’ll tell their father—who is back as Hand of the King—about the whole incest with Jamie, Joffrey is the result of that thing. I have a feeling Tywin won’t care.) She forgets—or doesn’t care—that Tyrion is actually the one responsible for the awesome Blackwater Wildfire show, and this family needs an intervention.

Bronn shows up outside without armor and is about to give the two guards a Glasgow kiss (because he ain’t bovvered, and he knows they ain’t no fighters, not like he is, wot?) when Cersei comes out and sweeps away, the guards toddling off behind her. Bronn accompanies Tyrion to his father, saying that things have changed and he now wants to be paid double.

“I don’t even know how much I pay you now!” Tyrion whines. Which is why Bronn knows he can afford double. Ha. I love Bronn.

Slowly dying on a rock is Davos Seaworth, and boy, do I like this guy too. Half his hand was blown away, his skin has been ripped apart by Wildfire, and he’s still kicking. There’s a ship in the distance and he manages to flag them down. With a tense moment of “we’ll save you if you tell us who the real king is,” Davos makes a life or death decision right there: Stannis is his King. Right answer. And that was freaking ballsy.

And it turns out the ship was owned by his pirate buddy, Salladhor! We get caught up on everything behind the scenes: Davos’ kid died, all the ships sank, Stannis is pouting back home in Dragonstone, and Melisandre (Fire Crotch Mage) is the only one who speaks to him. Everyone whom she doesn’t like, she says is a “servant of darkness” and has them burned to death. Wow, way harsh, Tai.

Davos hears this and says, “Right. Take me there, then. I’ll either talk Stannis out of listening to her, or I’ll kill her myself.” Salladhor is all, “Dead Man says what?”

Robb Stark leads his men to Harrenhal, where 200 Northmen lay dead. So…no mints on the pillows at this hotel. He wants to fight the Lannisters, but they keep retreating and killing people before the Stark Bannermen can do away with them. His mom Cate looks around, sees that the whole “let the Kingslayer Jamie Lannister go to save lives” things didn’t quite work the way she planned, and Robb has her stuck back in a cell. Robb has a point. They find one old man who didn’t die and tell him how lucky he is. Um.

I just wanna fight, GOSH.

I just wanna fight, GOSH.

Speaking of the Lannisters, it’s bring your halfling to work day as Tyrion watches his father fill out paperwork. Being the Hand isn’t all hookers and booze, Tyrion, something your father Tywin has been trying to tell you. Not that he actually cares for Tyrion’s edification or anything, he just really likes rubbing in how inferior his youngest son is.

What, so Tyrion thinks he deserves accolades for doing his job? Uh, you want a cookie for fighting a battle? Tywin never got cookies. So Tywin starts a game of “Never Have I Ever.” I never brought a whore home [Tyrion drinks], never boozed it up on the clock [Tyrion toasts and drinks], and oh right: I never killed my mother by being born. [Tyrion…drinks. And cries a little.]  Damn. That’s super awful, Dad.

You know what’s awful? Having a wife he loved, two awesome kids, and then this malformed demon kills said wife just by being born, he drinks on the job, cracks wise, and shames my name. That’s awful. Aww, Tyrion wants to be given the wealthiest castle in the land as a thank you for just doing his job? Nope. What he can do is get out of his father’s sight, that’s what he can do. So no Casterly Rock for Tyrion, but maybe a swift kick in the ass? And there better not be any more whores in beds, Tyrion.

Is Shae still a whore if she has a job other than whoring? Because Shae is evidently still Sansa’s handmaiden. The two of them are playing a little game of pass the time and not die (so far Sansa’s a total champ at it) when Lord Baelish and the One True Whore Roz show up. Baelish tells Sansa that he’s seen her mom and he’s going to try and help her out of King’s Landing, but she needs to be ready to go at a moment’s notice.

Meanwhile, Roz tries to befriend Shae. “So! We both work for the gentry, huh?  Couple of poor hookers like us? We really Pretty Woman‘d it, right? So…maybe don’t trust my guy with your girl. I had a thing for her brothers, so I kind of care?  Hooker with a heart of gold, I’M OUT!” She and Littlefinger leave.

TIME FOR DRAGONS! Aww, they’re not babies anymore, they’re toddlers!  Dany and Jorah are on a boat and it’s going fast and she’s got a fish-catching trio of flying dragons. (She’s the Queen of the world on her boat like Leo, so if you’re  on the shore, then you’re sure not she-oh!)

HI MOM LOOKIT LOOKIT I CAUGHT A FISH MAMA DID YOU SEE LOOKIT!

HI MOM LOOKIT LOOKIT I CAUGHT A FISH MAMA DID YOU SEE LOOKIT!

Jorah sex-growls at her that the dragons need to be bigger, they need more men, and the Dothraki are puking all over the deck. Well, Jorah, they’ve never left the desert or been on a ship, okay? They’re following her, so shut it. Jorah just looks at her and purrs all smutty, “Khaleesi,” and I spontaneously became pregnant. Jeez, dude, that voice.

Davos got a drop off at Dragonstone, it seems, and goes to catch up with Stannis. “Hey, remember how I almost died for you? And my son died for you? And I had advice you wouldn’t take? Remember…remember that?”

Stannis pouts and plays with his map as Melisandre slinks and slithers around the room, saying that they would have won, Davos, if he hadn’t convinced Stannis to leave her at home. Davos moves to attack her and is quickly overpowered. Melisandre is all, “You just got Yoko’d, son!” and says she might be the mother of demons, but he’s the son of a whore. SNAP! Well, mostly she just intimates that he’ll be burning up soon. So good luck with that!

Lady Margaery and Joffrey are being carried about in their separate litters (wow, worst date ever, Weaselteat) when Margaery decides to show how freaking smart she is. She hops out in Flea Bottom, dances and skips over a slop bucket’s…er, slop because she has hand maidens, they can clean her dress, tchuh, and goes to an orphanage to make an entire generation fall in love with her.

And now you'll all love me forever and I will be your Queen!

And now you’ll all love me forever and I will be your Queen!

All of the orphans (who are strangely the same age—that must have been a real sexy time seven years ago) ooh and ahh the pretty lady, who tells them how wonderful and marvelous their fathers were and gives them treats. This is the one real contender for Cersei we’ve seen. She’s good.

Weaselteat watches her from his litter (No, really. I cackled that he wouldn’t get out because he is SUCH a Weaselteat.) and then meets up with her and her brother Loras for dinner. Joffrey is literally the worst with his terrible flirting (“So I had them all killed for insubordination, ha ha! MEAD ME, SERVANT. Anyway, m’lady…”). He brags about her charitable work to Cersei who then proceeds to shame her son. “You know he wets the bed? Those are his sheets, hanging over there. Pees at the drop of a hat. Or the first sign of fear? Which is basically all the time. His halfling uncle beat the shit out of him, just because he could!”

Joffrey scowls and says, “Hey, mom. Remember how you’re stupid and awful and you made me a monster? Also, you’re so old.” BURN. Margaery shows off her courtly skills by turning the unpleasantness into something light and gay, while also showing Cersei she’s no one to be trifled with. I’m a fan, Margaery.

Off to Slave Island, Astapor! Dany and Jorah hear the story of how the slaves were turned heartless warrior through a series of hilariously insulting translations. “Tell this fool pig of a woman that they blah blah. Tell the piss-scented old man etc.” The slaves in particular are called the Unsullied (except they are? They’re completely sullied?) and can not only have a nipple cut off without batting an eye, they can stare unblinking in the sun for two days without food or water. So they’re hard core, is what we’re getting at.

They don't need nipples on their bodies - they have them on their shields.

They don’t need nipples on their bodies – they have them on their shields.

At first I thought I’d put my money on Dany actually speaking the native tongue and knowing all of the insults the slave owner threw her way, but when she and Jorah walked off to discuss things, she didn’t bring it up. She’s not too keen on being a slave owner (because Dany is the BEST OF US ALL, Khaleesi!) but Jorah points out that she’d actually take care of them. Because he loves her and thinks she is the moon of HIS heart and I love everything about his unrequited crush.

Sorry, I have a thing for Ser Jorah and his pining. Ahem.

Cue creepy urchin winking and playing peek-a-boo with Dany! Some dirty street waif titters and gives chase as a random Jedi Knight skulks behind them in his black cloak. The kid rolls a wooden ball at her and the Jedi strikes it out of Dany’s hand. The ball opens up and a beetle-scorpion with a death’s head moth glowing on its butt crawls out. The cloaked dude stabs it, then turns to chase the kid.

But the urchin—who clearly chewed on a ball point pen that exploded in her mouth—hisses and jumps off the pier. That was no child, that was an evil messenger from the Warlocks, oho! And that’s no Jedi Knight, that’s former Lord Commander of Robert Baratheon and…Lord Commander before Robert to the Targaryens, Barristan Selmy. And he is really sorry he didn’t save Dany’s daddy from the Kingslayer. And…sorry about going to work for the enemy.

But he’s making it right now, and wants to be on her Queen’s Guard (Um, that is Jorah’s job! As long as you don’t take away from him saying sexily, “Khaleesi!” I’m good with it, buddy.) and won’t fail her.

Girlfriend? He said that to your father, too. I’m just saying, keep on ya toes.

Next Week! My money is on intrigue. Also, Arya’s back! Jamie! Tonks! Jeez Louise, I am so damn excited the show is back. This was mostly a setting up the board episode, and there are a lot of pieces to the game, but IT IS BACK. I have dragons!  Click here for Ep 2

Note: I stuck to my guns and DID NOT READ THE BOOKS. I am completely unspoiled. I want to stay that way, so please: no spoilers here, cool? Cool.

Please like & share:
  • Katy

    OMG SO HAPPY ITS BACK!!!

    Ser Jorah, can you please come to my house and just read the phone book? Thanks ever so much.

    You know nothing, Jon Snow. (Also, awesome giant is awesome.)

    There are some minor changes from the book (so far), but given how much they have to cram into this season (which only covers the first half of the book), I understand and kind of like what they’ve done.

    • I WAS RUNNING IN CIRCLES WITH JOY LAST NIGHT. Then Joy told me to quit because she doesn’t even watch the show. Pfft.

      SER JORAH. I would like one man in my life to say my name like he says Khaleesi, I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

      I’m sure book readers have to go through a mental adjustment at the start of each season to figure out where they are, etc. That’s one of the reasons I decided to stick it out and not read them yet. The first episode is usually the exposition-heavy set up, too. Not knowing what to expect, I was very happy to just see everyone on my screen again!

  • Miss H.

    Only took me 2836475605 times hitting “F5” and finally, the review is up. Hahahaa. Great entry as usual! Can’t wait for next Sunday (Monday!) Now excuse me while I finish the S2 marathon! See yaaaalll.

    • Ha! With this AND Walking Dead (which I’m editing right now) on the same night, today was a late one. Normally they’ll be up first thing Monday mornings, if not late Sunday night.

      Watching S2 before last night’s ep made it SO MUCH MORE EXCITING. Gah, this freaking SHOW! <3

  • Quidam

    So Laura, how did you feel about the pacing? And how do feel about keeping track of all the minor characters? Did you rewatch season 1 and 2?

    • Hey there! You know, this episode had so much setting up that it had to do – so many threads to lay out, to remind us of – that I was actually surprised with how fast paced it felt to me. I rewatched from Blackwater on (was pressed for time, but my DVR awaits me this week!) and got super amped for this episode.

      It’s funny that you mentioned keeping track of all of the minor characters because I had to keep running to my husband to ask for names (he’s a book reader) and make sure I remembered who was who, etc. For the most part, I think the writers do a great job of giving us enough of each person to make them memorable – or give us enough in a new scene to remind us of who they are/how they’re connected.

      From what I understand there are roughly forty-three gazillion characters in the book, give or take five or six? Ha! Translating a huge, sprawling novel to a teleplay is about as daunting as it gets. As someone who only knows what I get on screen, I don’t feel overwhelmed by it.

  • Beth

    Skeet, skeet!

    I love you. Good God, between Jon Snow, Jorah and Gendry (and sometimes Jamie), my lust-o-meter is off the charts, yo. I don’t really have a lust-o-meter, just a vagina. I call it that when I’m on the streets.

    The little creepy Warlock girl! It should be written that girls under the age of 9 that giggle and want to “play with you” are almost always ghosts, evil, or something sinister. It’s a fact.

    And I am still cracking up at “All of the orphans (who are strangely the same age – that must have been a real sexy time seven years ago)” Also, a lot of dark haired/blue eyed boys in that mix. Weren’t all of those ordered to be slain? Come on, continuity dudes.

    And if Sansa does some more stupid shit this season, I am giving up on her. I would have left with the Hound POST HASTE. I’ve read/seen enough Beauty and the Beast to know there is a flower somewhere with a single petal on it, waiting for true love’s kiss to turn him into Jeff Bridges circa 1978.

    YAY THRONEY GAMES! AND I HATE TORI AMOS, WHO IS DARK AND FULL OF TERR-ORS.

    • OMG, I love that you’ll sing dirty rap/stripper songs with me. Praise be unto you.

      I WAS SORELY DISAPPOINTED WITH A LACK OF SWEATY, DIRTY GENDRY, let me just tell you. I want to hollow that guy out and make a pair of Man Pants out of him.

      I guess the orphans with blue eyes had a different hue? (Look: look with your special eyes!) I was mostly amused at how they cast the same age 100 times. Change it up, folks!

      I’m still pulling for Sansa and think she’s acting totally age appropriate and smart. She’s canny, just in a teenage girl who never saw this in life coming way.

      BUT TORI AMOS’ FIRE CROTCH MAGIC OF PATCHOULIE-SAGE SMUDGE SMOKE BABY MAKING IS CREEPY. And awesome. But mostly that creepy thing. And her music sucks.

  • Maxwell James

    Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter

    Chicken? Har! That was straight-up crow he was eating (the last one that tried to hit on Ygritte). But not cuz he was wrong about something. Gjördkr’s predictions always come out just right.

    it’s bring your halfling to work day

    LOL. Of all the demotions Tyrion’s received lately, none was so painful as going from Halfman to Halfling.

    Hilarious as always. You made some sharp observations too, though as a reader of course I can’t tell you what they were. But as Betty Davis said in All About Eve: Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night. Or 10 weeks, natch.

    • Ha, oh, I KNOW that was Crow! (Mance called him the chicken eater, so I went with that). I’m surprised Mance’s men don’t weave crow feathers into their hair!

      Oh, Tyrion! On one hand, he really deserves some recognition. On the other, he’s so wonderful when he’s hurting. Ha. I loooove his father. He’s such a delicious bastard, it’s an absolute delight to watch the barbs fly amongst the Lannisters.

      Oooh, I’m excited to learn which observations I’ve made! So glad you’re willing to let me stay spoiler free – it’s so fun to just walk in and not know what to expect. I’ve heard that this is the season everyone that is a book reader is excited about, so that ramps up my excited nerves.

      Glad to see you back!

  • Gail

    Oh man, I am SO with you about it being the fastest hour on television. The episode ended and I was all WHAT, NO WAY there’s gotta be more! Aaaaa. Really, really awesome setup though. As first episodes go, I think they did quite well.

    Oh, Tyrion. *hearts* I enjoyed Cersei’s sniping at him at the beginning of the episode, and it did acknowledge that he had it pretty good in a way that was probably aimed at book readers. (Book!Tyrion lost a big ol’ chunk off his nose, so TV!Tyrion definitely got off easy with a badass facial scar.)

    I enjoyed the Lannister stuff in general. Absolutely thrilled with the dinner scene, and I look forward to how things play out for the rest of the season (and the next, of course). (I particularly enjoy bitterdrunk!Cersei.)

    Aaaa so many feels! This show, this show. <3

    • Seriously, EVERY TIME the show ends I’m always flabbergasted.

      What I really liked about Cersei’s sniping was how self-conscious she really was, knowing that Tyrion Knows Things and even though their father hates him, he’d still listen. I will watch the Lannisters fold laundry, I think. They’re all so damn fascinating.

      Hahaha, bitter drunk Cersei with her sleepover parties of How To Be A Queen instructions were the highlight of last season! <3

  • Liz U

    BUT FOR SERIOUSLY. WEAR A GODDAMNED HAT AND YOU WILL NOT DIE.

    Jon has the prettiest hair. Yes, he does.

    • JON WANTS HIS LOCKS TO FLOW IN THE COLD BREEZE I GUESS.

  • Aaron L

    “To the windows! To the Wall! ’Til the flesh drop off my balls! All y’all Crows gone call! OMG HILARIOUS !!!!!!!! I couldnt stop laughing..

    Its so hard to not talk about the books mingled in with the show. It gets so jumbled together, so Im just going to try to stiffle myself for the most part on these reviews. Because just on the off chance I mentioned something from the books I would feel horrible. (exact reason why I dont read Walking Dead. I love the fresh feel I get from it and the unknowing of whats going to happen next) I cant even imagine the joy a nonreader gets from this “fastest hour on television”
    How hard is it for your husband not to say anything?? On purpose or by accident?? I feel for the guy..

    Love the job Miss Queen-wanna-be Margaery is doing.

    Its soo fun listening to observations that you are so slose on too, like Maxwell stated. *slaps hand from typing more* ;)

    Great job once again

    • What’s a little skeet among friends? (OMG.) I am SO SO grateful for y’all that know what’s coming that help me stay spoiler free. (And yeah – with Walking Dead it just makes the show a rollercoaster to not know what to expect, right?) LOL, my husband sometimes gets a look in his eye, like he’s so excited that I know something now and then it shifts in a blink SHIT SHE DOESN’T KNOW THIS and has to shut it down. I find that hilarious, personally, but that’s because I’m a terrible person.

      I seriously am enjoying the long game Margaery is playing – she’s a terrific adversary on this gigantic chess board. Whether she’s the opposing queen on it remains to be seen, but I think Cersei is starting to shake in her boots. Mostly I just love watching Weaselteat act like a total dink around Margaery, given his complete lack of game. HEY I MADE A JOKE ABOUT THE SHOW TITLE, WHAT?!

      How freaking excited am I that this show is back? Let’s just say things are intense over here what with me clapping my hands and flailing. SO glad you’re sticking around this season with me!

  • Lee No

    I love your recaps. I love how you are witty and hilarious and excited about what you review and don’t randomly start bashing scenes/characters like some reviewers tend to do. So I searched the internet for this site (I had forgotten the name). I finally found it after googling “Weaselteat”, hooray!

    • Aww, thank you very much! And HAHAHA, I am glad to know I have a lockdown on Weaselteat! (But he is such a Weaselteat, right?) <3 Thanks for coming back - bookmark us so we can flail together next week!

  • Estelindis

    I snerked hard at your nipple-shield comment. I am never going to be able to see those things in the same way again!

    • HAHAHA. I saw that picture and about did a spit take. OH, okay, so that’s why they don’t care, gotcha. :D

  • Colleen

    You are a life ruiner, Laura. I never noticed Jorah’s voice until you pointed it out, now I hear it in my sleep! LOVE your recap, it’s the funniest on the web!

    • HAHAHA! Raise your hand if you have personally been victimized by Jorah’s Sex Voice? (My hand is all the way up, in case that wasn’t clear.)

      And thank you, Colleen! So happy you’re entertained by these. <3

  • all I can say now is yay this show and your recaps are back!

  • Micha

    I don’t even really watch this show, nor have I read the books, but all I want to happen in the very end is Sansa to become Queen (mainly because people irrationally hate her, and it would piss off mra’s who love these books) with Dany. Arya can be head of their spy-police force. Margaery can come too. (And Martell ladies). Everyone else, I don’t care, I just want the ladies to rule SUPREME!!!!

    • I like your stand on the ladies, Micha. :D I am a HUGE fan of the female characters in this show, HUGE.

  • Sally R

    Jorah: “Khaleesi, I will do anything for you.”
    Dany: “Can you clean up some of this puke?”
    Jorah: “With all of my body, Khaleesi.”

    I kinda feel sorry for the guy. He’s so over the moon for her. But you are so right about his voice. *happy sigh*

    Hubby and I are both so happy to have this show back. And your recaps — especially because of the song references — continue to delight.

    • Jorah would totally stand outside the dressing room, arms laden with leathers and silks, smoldering lovingly at her as she snaps her fingers.

      “My Khaleesi needs her PedEgg? It would be my honor.” [Fixes her with an adoring gaze and bows out in search of foot grater.]

      HAHAHA. I think if that actor and Alan Rickman ever recorded so much as a Geico commercial I would instantly give birth to stallions.

      I’m so glad you’re enjoying them so far! I AM SO EXCITED THE SHOW IS BACK, HOLY SMOKES.

  • Emma

    Have you considered reading the first two books now that you’ve already seen the episodes? Or wouldn’t you be able to stop yourself from redaing the whole thing?

    I only read the first book, thought it was a bore actually. The writing reminded me of Da Vinci Code. The TV adaption has skipped the filling, is better paced and feel less creepy (whore-wise). So for me, there is no risk of reading them all if I were to read the second, but of course I’m not as into the series as you are. What I’m trying to say is they’re quite different in feel, although the plot remains the same as far as I know. It’s not impossible to read one or two books for reference and leave the rest for a while, if one would want that. At least, that’s my experience.

    • Hi, Emma! Oh, I don’t think I’ve done a good enough job of expressing how much of a spazzy fangirl I am if you think I could just read one or two of the books. I would essentially camp out in my house with a bag of snacks and water bottle and not emerge until all published books were consumed. I just don’t have the will power to not peek. :) I AM WEAK, there, I’ve said it.

      I’ve gathered over the past two seasons that the books are their own animal (screenplays/teleplays simply have to be. They can’t be the books and vice versa, and I have no problem with that) in so many respects, but the essential arcs are going to be similar enough that it would feel like I was spoiled if I read anything. I like being excited. I like being unsure of where the plot is going to take me. I will happily keep myself in the dark so I can have the viewing experience I want. I know most people aren’t like that, but eh.

  • Jackie

    Just an FYI, the dead zombie-like people who stumble around on foot are wights. They are created and controlled by the people on horseback, the Others, who are also known as White Walkers.

  • Markus

    Love your reviews!

    One thing that translated terribly from the books to the show was the fact that the words ‘white’ and ‘wight’ are pronounced exactly the same.

    White Walkers are those pale screechy demony creatures. Wights are dead people brought back to life (by the WW).

    • Hey Markus, thanks for coming over, especially to tell me you enjoyed this.

      I am strictly a show watcher – I’ve not read one word of the books. I use the HBO Wiki/imdb page to check spelling, etc., so until the show makes the distinction I just go off what they give me. (I used to call them the Predefremen, because clearly some of those hombres got into some Spice.) :D Thanks for the head’s up!

      • Markus

        I actually had your blog bookmarked a year ago just so I could find it back when S3 rolled around. Keep it up!