Game of Thrones 3.6 – The Climb

It ain't an ice-covered Machu Pichuu, that much we can say.

It ain’t an ice-covered Machu Pichuu, that much we can say.

Previously.  Again, this is the fastest hour on television.  I’m looking at my notes, still not able to believe how much was packed in this episode without it feeling like it was too much. Let’s get right to it.

Obligatory reminder: I’m a show-watcher, not a book reader. Don’t spoil me or the readers for funsies, because that’s uncool. (And don’t pick at people for not having details right when we’re going off the show.  It’s irrelevant to your enjoyment of the books or program, I promise. You can always scroll or X out.)

 

Samwell Gamgee Red Leader Porkins and Gilly (with a baby, his face all uncovered out in the winter chill, for the love of…) sit in the cold dark woods.  There were two POV shifts from the treeline, so I’m thinking they’re being watched.  It wasn’t relevant this episode, but you watch – Brother’s Keeper is going to come with sword blazing, begging Porkins to squeal like a pig and hoist him on a spit or something next week.

Meanwhile, they set me up for some dick joke soft lobs: “the more wood, the bigger the fire,” and “You have to pull it out and let it breathe,” and I’m better than this, guys.  (No, I’m not.) Porkins shows her his blade, then his singing prowess.  He takes a deep breath and sings a lullaby version of “The Bear and the Maid” to Gilly’s boy. (Got to start ’em young!) We also learn that the Wall is basically insurmountable. Oh, Porkins.

Bran’s group in the woods isn’t doing so well.  Lady Reed and Tonks are ready to come to blows after Tonks proves there is EXACTLY ONE WAY to skin a rabbit, Hodor is hodoring, Rickon is satisfied with only having one line, and Jojen is having a seizure in the dirt.  His sister jams a belt in his mouth to work him through it, and we learn that this is what Jojen’s VisionQuests look like.

Vision?  That was a vision? Well what the hell did you see, Medieval Billy Elliot? “Jon Snow! Still a bastard, got a piece – nice! – surrounded by enemies, and he’s on the wrong side of the Wall.”

Jon Snow?  What do you have to say for yourself?  Nothing that Ygritte won’t say for him, that’s what.  They’re tying on crampons made of antlers, I guess, as Ygritte gets misty over how excited she is to scale 700 vertical feet of solid ice in gale-force winds.  Mostly she’s still hung up on a little mouth-to-lady mouth as none of her previous boyfriends were into that.  Jon’s embarrassed (when he should be proud because he had an achievement unlocked: THE PODRICK. ) but Ygritte tells him, “You’re a proper lover, Jon Snow,” because they don’t know how to use pet names beyond the Wall. You don’t have to say his full name every damn time, woman!

Oh, she also knows that because he’s so loyal, it means that he didn’t stop being a Crow.  She’s not stupid.  But as long as he’s loyal to her, she’ll be loyal to him.  Fuck the world, they don’t care about Jon or Ygritte, right? But she does.  She’s ready to go Sid & Nancy if he is.  “Don’t ever betray me.”  My guess? He won’t.

Arya is getting a top-notch archery lesson from Sassy Archer when she sees a group approach. It’s Melisandre/Fire Crotch Mage!

This is the smirk of a witch up to no good.

This is the smirk of a witch up to no good.

Melisandre is looking to Level Up her Enchanting and Speech; she and Thoros practice Ye Olden Language of Westeros (High Valyrian) until Beric  pouts, getting them to speak in the Common Language.  Melisandre can’t believe Beric’s come back six times from the dead.  Thoros must be a great wizard/priest indeed!

“Nah. Bit of a drunk, actually,” Thoros replies. “Bit of a phony because I really didn’t believe in any of this hoohah.  That is, not until The Mountain stabbed Beric until he died from it, and my prayer brought him back from the dead.  Kind of hard to be Agnostic in the face of that.”

But Beric!  He’s seen the other side! Do tell Fire Crotch Mage of all the wonder thou didst see!  “There is no other side,” Beric laughs tiredly. “I’ve been to the darkness.”  Ah. The backwoods of Georgia. Yeah, that’s some wearying shit, B.

Gendry checks out some sweet armor-piercing arrow heads with Sassy Archer when they spy Fire Crotch Mage walking out of the cave.  They’re all, “People call me Sassy Archer, but you can call me Tonight.” And Gendry goes, “Hey, is it hot in here, or is it just you?  Because that heavy woolen cloak is probably to blame, and I’m not good at pick up lines because I essentially grew up as a slave surrounded by workers, and I only know how to make ‘is that a wheeze in your bellows or are you just glad to see me?’ jokes.”

Yeah, Fire Crotch isn’t there for your puny lines, fellas, because she is also there to Level Up on Smithing, Gendry. And JFC, Gendry is sold for two bags of gold, and the look of betrayal on his face is like watching Sarah Maclachlan sing to a room full of abused puppies as she kicks one of the puppies. Hey thanks,  Brotherhood, I guess you guys didn’t really mean it with the whole, “We look out for each other” thing.

I thought we were brothers! I'm getting the word out that Nu Omicron Rho Epsilon is the WORST FRAT EVER.

I thought we were brothers! I’m getting the word out that Nu Omicron Rho Epsilon is the WORST FRAT EVER. [if you get that, give yourself a plus 4 of awesome]

Arya is pissed off.  That is HER blacksmith, Fire Crotch!  But that is a witch, little miss, and you need to step off until you get a few more lessons in from Sassy Archer.  THEN you can take her out.  I think.  Or steal Gendry away and fall in love and make a family so you both are never alone again and waaaah!

IT’S…THE WALL!  Seriously, the shot of the wall here is the fantasy/medieval world equivalent to that first underbelly shot of an Imperial Super-Star Destroyer (and man, did I just let my geek flag fly). Jon, Ygritte, the Warg and Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter are actual-fact climbing, Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter leading the way by pounding in ice screws (their world’s equivalent) and everyone is using their ice axes and crampons to slowly make their way to the top.  As someone that is, if I may say, a fairly middling mountaineer herself, I was impressed.

Jon gets distracted by Ygritte’s ass when Gjördkr accidentally dislodges a huge chunk of ice, which comes crashing down on Jon’s face, knocking him off the wall.  He’s arrested by both the belay and his ax, but still.  This isn’t like a family vacation up Glacier National Park, okay? This is some WI5+ shit.

Theon’s happy torturer wakes him up with a little revelry on Ye Fantasy Worlde Bugle, then tortures him further with no water and a chance to win during a game of “Just The Tip.”  (This is played much differently than how the boys I dated in high school played it.) He’ll take Theon’s pinkie for two hundred!  First question: Who is this guy?  Answer wrong, and you’ll get a tiny little carving on the tender fleshy pad of your strapped down finger.

…did you guess that Theon would be wrong?  Because he was! Until he wasn’t.  Which pissed Mystery Torturer off.  And it was revealed that MT is actually a Karstark (and the joke’s on him, because the Karstarks left the war, dummy!) but wait! Nope!  He’s a liar, so who can you believe?  No one, Theon, you can believe no one.  Maybe-a-Karstark then peels Theon’s pinkie like a banana until Theon screams for it to just be cut off.  And Maybe-A-Karstark wins.  (Yeah, but it’s a slice of finger, so it’s not that great a prize.)

"If you think this has a happy ending, then you haven't been paying attention."

“If you think this has a happy ending, then you haven’t been paying attention.”

Robb, still in Riverrun, has a meeting with Lord Filch-Frey’s sons, the McPoyles.  Here’s the skinny: Filch-Frey will totally hook Robb up with men IF: there’s a formal apology, Frey gets Harrenhal (pfft, it’s burned by dragonfire, have at it) and Lord Edmure (shit archer) has to marry Frey’s daughter – the one with the mustache, extra butt-cheek and pronounced limp.  [In some cultures that’s seen as beautiful.]

Edmure: Uh…no.
Blackfish: Uh…YES.
Edmure: The laws of the land, can’t compel, blah blah
Blackfist: The laws of my fist are going to compel your TEETH.
Cate: MARRY THE FUCKING GIMP, BROTHER.
Robb: Yeah, true, this is my fault, but I’m your King, you’ve messed up, and…I’ll give you a reward?
Edmure: [sulks] FINE, I’ll marry the incest monkey.

Speaking of incest (and let’s give a hand to the script writers for all of these wonderfully subtle in-jokes), we go to Jaime and Brienne at dinner with Lord Bolton.  Jaime treats his dinner steak like it’s personally wronged him, murmuring under his breath, “Every day I’m struggling…”

Brienne stabs his meat to hold it still (sounds like my prom night, right ladies?) and sulks at Bolton for forcing her into a dress. Bolton’s problem is this: does he send Jaime on to Robb and get a pat on the head, or does he make a profit off the Lannisters?  Bolton’s pretty sure that Tywin won’t really have time or energy to focus on Jaime, which makes Jaime laugh.  Bitch, Jaime is the only kid Tywin cares about!

Hmm. Profit seems to be the way to go then, but only if Jaime promises to tell his dad that Bolton didn’t do the whole “removal of his sword hand” thing.

Agreed.  So he and Brienne will just be on their way, and-

Not so fast.  Brienne isn’t going anywhere.  Uh oh.  Brienne can hold her own in a fair fight, but we all know it’s not going to be fair.  And I don’t trust Bolton as far as I could throw him.

Tywin meets with Lady Olenna to discuss their other children (the lesser Lannisters). Olenna isn’t too happy about an old hag being married to Loras, who is one of the hottest bachelors in seven kingdoms.  He’s the Rock Hudson of single dudes in Westeros!  Yes, Tywin knows.  In fact, that’s the problem – the Tom Cruise problem.  Time to marry him off and do away with those disgusting, nasty rumors that are most likely true.

Olenna laughs because of course her grandson is gay! He loves to suck pole, is a pillow biter, rear gunner, putts from the rough, swallows sword, nob jockeys, has a little sugar in his tank.  Eh, what’s a little buggery amongst friends, surely you’ve dabbled, what with the tendency for you boys to sequester yourselves during the horny years and all?  No?  Well, a little rolling in the hay between fellows isn’t as nasty as, say, brothers and sisters begetting their Flowers all over the Royal Attic, what what?

(I would like to point out that Maergery brought in Loras during her deflowering with Renly.  And that bud was still not plucked.)

Tywin fixes Olenna with a droll face and says, “If you actually believe that, then Joffrey isn’t the real king and you’re wasting your daughter.  And how about I appoint Loras to the Kingsgard so he can never create an heir?”

Olenna: You drive a hard bargain.  Too bad that’s the only thing hard about you. [Old man dick joke for the win!]

Back at the Wall, Ygritte stabs her ax into the sheet of ice above her head, sending a splitting shotgun of a crack along the horizon.  A huge slab avalanche drags down a significant number of Wildlings (good job, Ygritte!) and almost sends our group of four to oblivion.  Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter is just about all that’s holding the foursome up when the Warg starts cutting his rope to get rid of Jon and Ygritte.  (He’s not wrong to do so, he’s just a dick.)

Jon swings and manages to dig in just as the Warg cuts the rope, catching Ygritte as she falls. Aww, he pulls her to safety and their love grows. (The Warg is pissed. Dude, did she turn you down?  Don’t be a dick all the time. They’re probably setting us up to find out that the Warg has seen that Jon is still loyal to the Black Watch, or something.) They all continue to climb.

Back in King’s Landing, Loras corrects Sansa on the many, many types of beautiful accessories available to men of leisure such as himself, as she falls more deeply in love with the idea of a handsome husband.  He’s trying to be sweet, he knows his role (and is probably hoping to hire a certain squire to help him with his laces).  Sansa is totally charmed and happy about her future because things are finally going to turn around! She all but spins in the air, singing, “I’m going to make it after all!”  Oh, honey.

Tyrion and Cersei are still trying to wrap their heads around their changed plans when Tyrion just asks her outright: did you try to have me killed?  She says nothing but gives him a “Look to the Weaselteat” smirk.  What, Tyrion slaps him a few times and that means his nephew tries to have him killed?  (Also, she’s lying.  And she’s setting up her son.  DAMN THAT IS COLD, CERSEI.)

The best part of this scene was Tyrion saying, “Yes, well this is all awful, what with a gay boy being forced to marry you, but hey! Look at the bright side. When Jaime comes back, Loras might find himself with a severe case of sword-through-belly?”

Sansa and Shae play dress up when Tyrion comes in, ready to deliver the killing blow.  He’d rather Shae leave, but she won’t and Sansa isn’t canny enough to know to kick her out.  Tyrion takes a deep breath and shuts the door.  (He really is a gentleman.  It’s hard out there for an Imp.)

In one of the MOST DELICIOUSLY TENSE SCENES YET, Uncle Fester approaches Littlefinger [“Nope, Theon’s is smaller now, ha ha!”], who is staring a the Sword Throne.

Varys: It’s made of 1000 swords, all from-

Petyr: Not even 200, don’t front. I counted.

Varys: Yes, I’m sure you did…  By the way, I’m not actively trying to thwart you (that’s a lie!)

Petry: Ha.  Oh, okay.  Me, neither.  Except for how happy I was when I thwarted your plan to marry Sansa off to Loras.  Also, remember your little birdie that told you about my plans?

Varys: Um.

Petyr: Well, I decided that that particular person was a bad investment. So I decided to put her on Craigslist. And I got a hit.

Varys: Jesus Chr-

Petyr: And believe you me, she’s getting the full Craigslist experience.

JESUS CHRIST, LITTLEFINGER. Also: let this be a lesson to you kids. Never date off Craigslist.

JESUS CHRIST, LITTLEFINGER. Also: let this be a lesson to you kids. Never date off Craigslist.

GOD DAMMIT, WEASELTEAT.

You know what would have made this scene even more wonderfully horrible?  If Joffrey adjusted himself through his breeches, because you know he got off on this.  GROSS. Joffrey is the worst.

Varys starts in about chaos happening when we don’t protect the realm, but Littlefinger has had a taste of power now, and he’s not stopping until the world looks like Harrenal, evidently. (Fitting that he was given that land for his title, eh?) He explains that chaos isn’t a pit, silly boots.  It’s a LADDER.  And the smart people know to climb it.  Joffrey is smart.  Petyr is smart.  Sansa? Not so much.

Cut to Sansa watching a ship leave, her eyes red from crying because she knows her fate now.  (Aww, Tyrion would be kind to her, even though it’s not what she wants. And poor Shae!) Wait…whose ship was that?  Was that one headed to Highgarden?  Or was it Baelish’s? I couldn’t tell what the sigil was on the sail.

This poor girl cannot catch a break.

This poor girl cannot catch a break.

“The climb is all there is!” Petyr says, tying in nicely to the final scene of Jon, Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter, the Warg and Ygritte making it to the top of the wall.

Ygritte, who has spent her life wanting to see the world from up there, looks backwards at where she came from.  Woman, turn around!  There’s nothing but the land of the ice and snow where the Wildlings live and the Dead Men Grow.  Jon turns her towards the South and it’s almost immediately green and warm, which I call bullshit on, but I get the point they’re making visually.

Ygritte is so overcome with the whole “We didn’t die!” thing that she and Jon immediately begin kissing as the sun rises on their future of running from everyone, because I guess they’re going to focus on themselves, and not the stupid war?  That’s what I would do.  Make love, you two, not war!

And because she’s gone, I would like to honor her in song.

An Ode To Ros, The James Brown of Whores.

Once was a whore from Wint’rfell
Who got on with its boys rather well.
King’s Landing her wish
To work for Baelish
During Johns she did gather intel.

Ros climbed the whore ladder quite fast,
For the volume of knowledge amassed.
Petyr trusted her some
She became Varys’ chum
And raised creepy Joffrey’s Royal Mast.

Our Ros didn’t know when to quit
Her lips flapped, Petyr’s teeth did grit.
He sold her away
The King wanted to play
So he shot her in the head and the tit.

Farewell, “Lady,” we hardly knew ye, even though it seemed that every male in Westeros did.

Next week! Jon versus the Warg! (It’s totally Tim versus Gareth!) Dany and Jorah – ladies, wear your diaphrams – and more Gendry (thank goodness he’s not gone) but most importantly: HERE THERE BE DRAGONS! CLICK THE LINK FOR 3.7

Okay, so was that actually the Karstark boy do you think?  And do you think Jon and Ygritte are going to sneak off?  NO SPOILERS, ONLY SPECULATION PLEASE!

[plays taps on Maybe-A-Karstark’s bugle]

Please like & share:
  • This show is just amazing! We watched this episode twice last night, and I would swear it was only 15 minutes long. They are doing such a great job of pacing and character development. I’m in awe.

    I am ready for them to go somewhere with Theon’s story. Ugh. It’s the weakest link for me. Also, I don’t like feeling sympathy for him because he’s so douchey.

    Arya still has the biggest balls of them all. That girl is amazing.

    I am so eager for next week! I love Ygritte and Jon Snow. I love calling him Jon Snow! LOL I want Jon Snow to be the new leader of the Wildings and then he and his brother form an awesome truce. And Gendry to marry Arya and then they’ll all form a truce. And for Sansa to find someone to love her just as she is.

    Poor Roz. I adored that character. I knew they were going to have to amp up Joffery’s freak side. I figured he’d give in to his raging hard on for killing people…I just didn’t think it’d be Roz. She was my favorite of all the whores.

    • I watched it twice, too, and thought the same thing! IT MOVES SO WONDERFULLY (painfully!) FAST. Such tight writing.

      Theon is painful, to be sure, but I’m JUST now ready for it to move forward. The torture has so much weight because we just don’t know anything for certain. I feel like I’m agonizing with him. (But I can appreciate that you’re over it. Ha.)

      I WANT YGRITTE TO JUST CALL HER JON. It’s a bit much some episodes for me.

      There were times that I thought Roz was the only whore in all of Westeros. FAREWELL, ROZ. And ugh, Joffrey is SUCH a freaking Weaselteat, I swear. GROSS AWFUL BOY.

  • Brittany

    Baelish just shows his crazy a little more every episode. Clearly, Varys has been keeping him in check all these years, but Joffrey’s rise to power has opened the door on Little Finger’s cage and he isn’t going back quietly. Poor Roz :( Varys really should’ve been more careful.

    P.S. Led Zeppelin references are always appreciated. Nicely done :)

    • Baelish… ooh, did he give me chills this episode. We really get why Varys said he was the most dangerous man in all of Westeros. Just a total brute and opportunist without a care for anyone but himself.

      (Ha, it always makes me happy when people sing along with my song injections… <3)

  • Maxwell James

    Oh, man, that episode? Dark. Depressing as all hell, and that’s despite the rather lovely moment of happiness Jon and Ygritte managed to claim at Warg Wernham-Hogg’s expense. (Next time on GoT: Warg Gareth admits he really is ready to cross that river and engage in sloppy seconds. And yes, he can take a man from behind, or with a sudden blow).

    But that’s why I come ’round here – because laughter is the best medicine, and the backwoods of Georgia are indeed dark and full of terrors. Plus Waffle Houses, which is probably why Lord Beric looks so roughed up. And as usual, you DID NOT DISAPPOINT. I’m still cracking up about Sarah Maclachlan and the puppies.

    Littlefinger: that creepy dude who’s always posting on Strictly Platonic. And poor Roz – I was really hoping she would live long enough to get some measure of revenge, on some evil fucker or another. Oh well, and now her Watch has ended.

    • Ahahaha, Warg Gareth will say that he’s totally cool with the Watch being all bummers because he owns all the CDs that Loras & Renly put out of love songs, so…. Just because he and the Oggmonster made out that one time, well, that was just a lark.

      THIS EPISODE WAS SO DAMN DARK, good lord. I have to deal with it through humor, so it’s wonderful to not be alone. I might have to start rewatching episodes with Unknown Hinson’s voice in the background. “We’s callin’ on the Lord ah Light, how you like ‘at?”
      “Is that your burning sacrifice to the One True God?” Nah, that’s just my meth lab. :D

      Roz was a good hooker, bendy, flexible, able to recover in a flash when her client proved to have no balls… But she played in a dealer’s game, and she didn’t have enough power to save herself from a weaselly king. And while I’m glad they didn’t show her being tortured to death, I would have liked to have seen a bit more reaction from Joffrey. Because apparently I’m a sicko? OH HE IS JUST THE WORST, IS KING JOFFREY! I want to give him such a pinch.

  • Sean C.

    The ship leaving the harbour is Littlefinger’s (the sail is his emblem, the mockingbird of House Baelish), heading to the Vale. The one she would have been on had she not backed out to marry Loras.

    • Oh, thank you for that! I remembered that Littlefinger made up his own house sigil when he was all titled up last season, but I couldn’t remember what it was. I knew it had to be that one of one leaving to Highgarden (but Baelish’s makes far more sense.)

  • Paula

    “If you think this has a happy ending, then you haven’t been paying attention.”

    This is going to be the tagline for the last season of the show, isn’t it? (Then again, that’s pretty much been the tagline for the show since they cut off Sean Bean’s head.

    • LOL – utter truth! I will never have expectations to be happy at the end of any of these seasons…

  • Mike

    Still the most refreshing recap on the net. Keep ’em coming.

    • AAww, thanks, Mike! I appreciate that. :D

  • Miss H.

    NOOOO! When poor dead Roz’s crossbow bolts-riddled body was shown :(

    (Thank you for helping us deal with this dark episode through humour. I laughed :))

    Note to self: Stop all that glancing-at-the-clock-every-3-mins thing!!!

    Cant tear my eyes away from the screen and yet I kept giving in to the STRONG urge to check out the clock! So wanted to assure self that theres still 40 mins of awesomesauce left. 30mins left!! 20mins. 5mins…never let it end!!! Yet…The End… =/

    Another agonizing week-long wait till the next ep.

    • “Thank you for helping us deal with this dark episode through humor” THAT IS HOW I DO, GURL. <3 <3 (And thank YOU for laughing with me! I needed it, too.)

      That's so funny that you said that about checking the clock, because my husband started doing that halfway through this episode until I yelled at him to cut it out, he was missing IMPORTANT THINGS, OMG. Ha.

      I think making us wait a full week for a new episode falls under the torture rules of the Geneva Convention. >:(

  • Seriously, the shot of the wall here is the fantasy/medieval world equivalent to that first underbelly shot of an Imperial Super-Star Destroyer
    yesss this is my language.

    and the Freys are totally the McPoyles.

    • I AM SPEAKING TO YOU DIRECTLY. *mind melds* When even my husband looks at me like I’m too geeky for him…I know there will be someone out here that will get me. :D

      MCPOYLES. I mean, right?!? (Also, let me love you for knowing that reference.)

  • Katy

    I see that someone already answered your question about the ship Sansa was watching.

    So I’ll just say that I was mentally chanting “I love Lady Olenna” during her scene with Tywin.

    • *hug* Thank you, Katy! I didn’t want to commit to saying that’s who it was when I wasn’t sure, and I knew my book readers would know.

      HOW FREAKING AMAZING IS OLENNA? She is just a freaking delight on screen. The cat and mouse game she’s begun with Tywin is going to be wonderful to watch. Oh, she has finally found someone that can play at her level. LOVE.

  • Gail

    Hooo dang, this episode. It’s been a few hours since I’ve watched it and I’m still processing it!

    Poor Ros, damn. I was surprised that she died, and then after about thirty seconds of thinking about it I realized I shouldn’t have been surprised; Littlefinger threatened to have something nasty done to her last season and that was over her not wanting to work. What a brutal reveal, though. I did find it interesting that she got shot in the same places Arya shot the dummy. (Argh please don’t imply parallels between Joffrey and Arya, show writers.)

    You know, I’m not entirely convinced that Cersei was setting Joffrey up re: attempted Tyriocide. He definitely does have cause to hold a grudge against his uncle, and until now has been perfectly happy to tell people to hurt/maim/kill people for him, rather than do it himself. Show!Joffrey is a monster.

    • Ros definitely got comfortable in her position, didn’t she? Tsk, tk, always watch your 6, ladies! And your 3, 9 and 12. Never let your defenses down, basically. :( She also had shots in her arms and leg, so I don’t think they were purposely making a comparison. (In fact, I think it could be argued that it showed how shitty a shot Joffrey was – it took a few hits where he missed entirely.)

      I just don’t know if Joffrey’s smart enough to go after Tyrion in battle. But if Cersei set it up so it looked like the king did it, who’s to say anything, you know? He IS a monster, but he likes to kill in controlled ways, as we’ve seen. He likes a front row (and private) ticket.

  • Laura Rezko

    Yayyy, recap time!

    Damn it, writers! You had a logical reason for Gendry’s shirt to rip open(him struggling against his captors) and you didn’t take it! But, oh, his face when he was betrayed! :( I felt really bad at first, but then I giggled because I thought of Flight of the Conchord’s “Hurt Feelings”. He’s got hurt feeeeeeelings!

    What does Fire Crotch’s cryptic message to Arya mean? Not sure, but I got chills.

    LADY OLENNA!!! Oh, her confrontation with Tywin was glorious to see.

    Jojen, your face and hair are just so cute! Nom nom.

    I was so tense during everything on The Wall. And maybe I teared up a little when Ygritte and Jon look out over Westeros together. I’m just so impressed by everyone’s strength in climbing that wall. I’d probably make it a pathetic distance up and then cut my own rope.

    Ohhhhh, Brienne. Girl, you in danger.

    I gagged a little when Mystery Dude started pulling that strip of flesh off. Hrrk. My guess is that he’s connected with Lord Bolton’s House, because their coat-of-arms is a flayed man.

    Holy moly, the Varys/Littlefinger confrontation was glorious too, but not in the way that had me cackling like Olenna vs. Tywin. I had to laugh at the dig Varys got in(at least, I’m sure it’s one) when he called the Iron Throne the “Lysa Arryn of chairs.” I loved how the “chaos is a ladder” speech was filmed, and how the images, music, and speech came together in such a chilling way. Roz, noooooooooo!

    I have not one, but two diaphrams in preparation for next week!

    • Now when Jorah speaks I’m going to think, “I got every last girl in the audience pregnant.” :D Flight of the Conchords FTW.

      I have no idea what Fire Crotch was trying to do beyond frightening Arya, because blue eyes? Brown? Green? So… everyone in the known kingdoms? And she’s young enough to be frightened, I think, but it’s ARYA. She has SEEN THINGS. She doesn’t frighten so easily. Oh, I hope she goes after Gendry soon. Possibly with her brother’s army in tow.

      Lord Bolton’s coat of armor is a flayed man? I’ve not seen/noticed that yet! VERY INTERESTING. I have a feeling that Theon’s story is going to be an episode-long arc and we won’t get to the bottom of his troubles until 9 or 10.

      The final montage was simply masterful. SO BRILLIANTLY EDITED, ACTED, VISUALIZED. I’ve seen mentions of people not liking this episode, and I wonder if they’re ill or bumped their heads. It was WONDERFULLY full and tense, imo!

      • thanners

        Lord Bolton’s coat of armor is a flayed man?

        I always liked to think of the red-X banners as the ‘missing/broken-image’ icons you’d get in Internet Explorer.

  • Aaron L

    Mouth-to-lady mouth action, prom night, dick jokes, James Brown of whores, puppies, LMFAO !!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!! And you wave that geek flag HIGH!!! and be Proud ;-)

    McPoyles!!! All dude needed was a nice warm glass of milk, would have been perfect.

    Another Great, yet fast episode. This year by far has been my favorite. One totally different thing happened in this ep compared to the book ( I wont elaborate on it) that Im curious to see where it goes before I have an opinion on it. But Im interested to see..

    Olenna-Tywin exchange, Awesome
    Littlefinger, Joffery, Bastards- but man they play them well.

    And last but not least Ode to Roz- Right up there with Tennyson, and Dylan Thomas- So, Do not go gentle into that good night ;-)

    • I try and explain to my husband what a GIFT I AM for my geekery. I’ll print out these comments and have them bound, delivered in a formal presentation. :D

      MCPOYLES. “We’re taking you bitches hostage.” I seriously love each of you that knows the It’s Always Sunny reference.

      AH, something was different? That must explain the huge range in reactions among book readers I’ve stumbled across! I stopped reading other boards because there was so much negativity, and I couldn’t understand what that was all about. From a non-reader’s perspective, it was TIGHT, FAST PACED, and fascinating. Oh, so much good information here. (Not to mention the tense nail biting of them climbing The Wall, come on! That was awesome.) If anything, the Tywin/Olenna scene should have made everyone cackle with glee – I was kicking my heels up in delight the whole time.

      Oh, WHORE ROS, THOU SHALT BE MISSED. <3

  • Colleen

    Brilliant Laura!!

    What a double win this week with Lady Olenna being the sassiest Golden Girl on GoT AND Doctor Who!

    You are so right, girl. JOFFREY IS THE WORST! What a creepy little @#&^$#!! Book Joffrey is awful, but tv Joffrey is the WORST EVER!! Also, good to know just how creepy Little Finger will allow himself to get. Poor Roz :( I almost forgot everything else that happened in that episode after seeing that.

    …. except for Arya scaring the heck out of Mel the Firecrotch Mage! Let me tell you, I am HUGE book geek, and I never thought I would type my next sentence: “The tv show did that SOOOO much better than the books”. I love, love, LOVE that Mel was all creeped out by Arya, and I love that our little psychopath was brave enough to stand up to a woman who burns men for fun.

    Great recap Laura!!

    • Thank you, Colleen! Oh, how I love hearing that there’s something in the show that you liked even more than in the books! That’s a major coup for the show runners. And WOW DO WE NOW KNOW BAELISH’S IDEA OF REVENGE! Given that Varys has a man in a box, we should have seen it coming, BUT I DIDN’T.

      Oh man, this SHOW!! I hate having to wait an entire week for the next installment. :)

  • Aaron L

    Yeah, Im not negative about the scene or mad.. Just curious. I have faith that these books are in good hands, and they have an end plan for all the plots, so change is ok with me for the most part :)

    Yes, Sunny is one of the funniest shows out there…

    I don’t know if you ever watched “Strangers with Candy” but if not, I highly recommend it. Its a little older. Came out in late 90’s early 2000. But, IMHO Funny!!!

    • ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING ME IF I KNOW —

      Wait, I forget you’re not my actual drinking/nerd buddy in real life. :D Oh LAWS, if that isn’t one of my all-time favorite series. Amy Sedaris is my freaking Patronus. SO MUCH LOVE. “I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed really hard.” I have all of her books, too. One day I will make a pantyhose burrito with her and then we will drink and eat a cheese ball. DREAM BIG!

  • Aaron L

    LMAO… You know I kinda figured that show was right up you’re alley That’s why I HAD to ask… It was so ahead of its time, and Damn, it was/is SOOOO FUNNY.. LOVE IT The shoes quote is my fav. :D
    I got a better idea, Lezzy. When the lunch bell rings why don’t you eat me..

    and since you’re such a well crafted poet yourself Laura heres “Packing a Musket”
    When you work from your home and johns call on the phone, you’re a call girl. When you walk ’til you limp and give a cut to a pimp, you’re a street whore. When they’re beggin you please to get down on your knees near their groinage…… excuse me, but you see, don’t you touch where they pee without coinage……When I straddle and squat, to show you my…
    AHHHHH….. GOOD TIMES!!

    • THIS WAS THE BEST THING EVER TO WAKE UP TO. And it looks like I’m mainlining all three seasons of Strangers this weekend. I think this is an excellent life choice.

      “I like the pole and the hole.”

      [True story: the first movie I was in, I played a character that was a Texas-version of Jerri Blank (that’s how I played it). BEST TIME OF MY LIFE. ]

  • Aaron L

    Wow, that’s Awesome!!!! Texas Jerri, priceless.. Ill have to go look for it on youtube ;)

    Yeah popped in season one this AM.. :)

    And right now Im as moist as a snack cake down there….