Previously on Orphan Black: Alison goes all Guantanamo Bay on Donnie’s suburban ass and doesn’t let him go to the monthly potluck. Donnie’s sad ’cause he bought mulled wine for it and everything. Sarah and Felix help smooth things over. Paul acts super foreboding and then he kicks the sh-t out of Vic the Dick for trying to blackmail Sarah. Cosima falls hard for Delphine the Frenchie even though she’s fully aware that Delphine is her Monitor. Who’s the smart one now, Cosima? Cosima and Delphine get to meet Dr. Leekie (MAX HEADROOM YESSS). Dr. Leekie has secret evil sex with Delphine. Sarah confesses to Paul that she’s a clone.
Could this episode be any better? Answer: No. No it couldn’t. I almost died from the awesomeness that this episode delivered. Strap it on and strap it in cause here we go with the recap! LET’S DO THIS THING.
Sarah’s Skyping with Cosima. She’s worried about Paul, who’s been summoned to report to the evil Olivier. Is Paul betraying them? Can he be trusted? Sarah just isn’t sure. I mean, on one hand Paul is hot and he beat the snot out of Vic to protect Sarah. On the other hand, Paul is hot and he mixed those prescription meds into that whiskey and he almost gave it to Sarah. But most importantly let’s not forget that he’s hot. Paul is hot. Really, really hot.
In Olivier’s secret office of evil, Paul is being questioned about Beth’s behaviour eight months ago, when she began abusing prescription drugs and acting differently. Paul gives the same answers he gave before and asks why he’s being videotaped. Olivier ignores Paul’s question like a seasoned evil professional would.
Cosima and Sarah keep arguing about Delphine. Sarah still wants Cosima to stay away and Cosima still insists that she’s turned the tables and she’s the one watching Delphine. Yeah Cosima, and you don’t want to butter her bagel either, right? Sarah thinks she should be the only one to make with the Monitor sex but really, she’s just trying to keep the other clones safe by touching Paul’s hot, hot penis. Cosima is getting increasingly bitter about Sarah’s insistence that she stays away from Delphine and asks if there’s anything else they need to be paranoid about. “God, I hope not,” Sarah groans.
Speaking of things to be paranoid about: guess who’s still alive? It’s our favourite clone-killing-machine, Helena! YAY! She’s still being cared for by the man Thomas, and he drips a few drops of water from his washcloth on her face to wake her up. She murmurs his name and he shushes her, telling her she’s getting stronger. He wrings out his cloth in the basin and that must be some mighty strong water to heal the massive infection her rebar stabbing must’ve caused. Just sayin’. Thomas dabs her brow and we get a good shot of the ring he’s wearing. Guess what’s on it? A winged fish thing, just like the knife Helena likes to stab with and the tattoo Maggie Chen had. Deedle-bong!
Apparently Olivier owns an underground club and that’s where Paul is meeting him and I can barely type that sentence without giggling at the image of Paul and Olivier rave dancing while talking. Unfortunately, this never happens BUT IT SHOULD. Sarah and Felix pull up to the club, which is some sort of warehouse type building, and park. Sarah is worried about Olivier figuring out that she’s not Beth once they run the results of the tests they took while she was asleep. Felix has been doing some Googling and says that since she’s a clone like Beth then they have identical DNA. CASE CLOSED.
Speaking of identical DNA, Art is back at the police station being told that the Jane Doe in the gravel crusher (our short-lived German Katja Obinger) and the blood in the bathroom from the killer (the awesome Helena) have the exact same DNA. The detectives all freak out with theories: the lab screwed up. Ok, they just have that one theory. The head of the lab is insulted, and rightfully so. Detective Angela puts it out there that someone could’ve tampered with the evidence and Art knows she’s talking about Beth.
Lieutenant Gavin wants them to start over from the beginning. He wants the facial reconstruction too, which is still being processed since the victim was squashed in that gravel crusher and all.
As soon as the Lieutenant leaves Art glares at Angela, saying Beth would never tamper with evidence. Oh Art, you sweet thing, you. The two of them start tearing down the evidence board, determined to start over. Ohhhh crap.
Sarah and Felix are still in their car, watching the underground club. Sara’s impatient and decides she’s going in there to look for Hot Paul. Yes, Sarah, go do that with your clone face. Felix points out the flaw in her plan and says this is more a job for him. He whips out the makeup bag he keeps on his person at all times, because who knows when one needs to got to a rave in an underground club owned by an evil man that is involved in cloning? This requires a lot of guyliner.
Felix, now even more fabulous with rockabilly hair and kohl eyes, strides confidently past the doorman to the coat check/admission desk where he’s told this is a private club. He tries to flirt his way in but the guy doesn’t bite. I’m flabbergasted-who wouldn’t succumb immediately to Felix’s charms? A robot, that’s who. The person working the door is a robot. That’s the only explanation. Luckily for Felix a tall, important blonde woman walks in and Felix charms her instead, despite his words stumbling over her weird white eye.
The woman smiles as Felix name drops: “My friends told me to mention Olivier.” She asks him why he’s never heard of Neolutionism. Neolutionism! That’s the lecture Cosima went to with Delphine that Max Headroom-I mean, Dr. Leekie-gave. Dun dun duuuuun! This explains her one white eye as Dr. Leekie once made an offhand joke that his idea human would have one white eye and blonde hair and his ‘Freaky Leekies’ took it to heart. Somewhere, a factory is churning out a lot of white contacts and having no idea why they’re suddenly so popular.
The club is bumpin’, as you young kids like to say. It’s packed full of strange young people gyrating to Skrillex/Knife Party. In a corner, a beautiful woman brands a man using what looks like dry ice instead of heat. Sure, why not? This is just my typical Friday night.
Felix fits right in. He chats with the blonde woman about this Neolutionism. They use all sorts of words: augmentation, self-directed evolution, illusionists, body hackers, enhancements. Felix asks if Olivier has any ‘enhancements’ and the blonde woman laughs and walks off, tossing, “Darling, you have no idea!” over her shoulder as she goes. Felix stops to watch a hot, male go-go dancer.
Speaking of hot, Paul’s still in his ‘meeting’ with Olivier. Olivier wants to know when was the last time Paul and Beth has sex, who initiated it, and what was it like. Paul tries to avoid the question but finally admits it was a few days ago and it was passionate. OH HELLS YES IT WAS. Olivier points out that Paul’s stated Beth is usually a ‘cold fish’. Paul wants to know what’s going on and Olivier eventually let’s him know that he’s recently found out someone’s been killing his subjects.
Cut to Helena! She’s sitting up on her cot and having a drink of water with Thomas. I don’t trust this Thomas. I bet he could give Vic the Dick a run for his money.
Thomas wants to know why Helena let ‘the impostor’ (Sarah) go. Helena says she’s different from the others, that they have a connection. Thomas asks, “How can it be different? It’s nothing.” Helena is obviously scared of Thomas but confesses that she was told she’s not the original, and they’re all the same. She starts to timidly take another drink of water and Thomas angrily knocks it out of her hands. He asks her how she could think such a thing and she begs forgiveness. CREEPY.
Felix is being fantastic and dancing at the rave, a bored expression on his face. He’s also keeping his perfectly-lined eyes open which is good because he spots Hot Paul leaving the club. He follows him outside and finds himself immediately being roughed up by Paul. Paul wants to now why Felix is following him. Felix tries to deny it but Paul gives him a shake so he changes tactics:
Sarah runs over and breaks it up, telling Paul that’s her brother. He’s surprised to see her. She wants to know what happened but he doesn’t want to talk there. He tells her to meet him at home, and hilariously points to Felix. “Don’t bring him.”
Thomas is bathing Helena’s feet in some sort of icky religious symbolic way. He’s annoyed because it’s been harder to track down the clones since Beth Childs shot Maggie Chen. He wants to use ‘the impostor’ and Helena admits she would like to see her again. Thomas takes two full handfuls of hair and pulls her closer, making Helena frightened again. He reminds her that it will say anything to justify itself. She promises to be strong. “The path to the shepherd is to the sheep,” Thomas tells her and he passes her a razorblade. “Find the impostor. Bleed it for what it knows. Then kill it.” He leaves and Helena once again starts cutting her back in a religious fervour.
Speaking of Helena’s back, my twins pointed out that Helena’s scars look like wings, which I didn’t catch. They also said that’s why the little boy called her an ‘angry angel’. Ohhhhhhhhh. Clever little monkey…bum…faces!
In the morning Helena leaves her hideout to go find Sarah. Looks like they’ve been hiding in a big cargo ship at the docks. “You are the original. You are the light,” Thomas tells her as she walks through the door and Helena repeats it back as she walks outside, literally into the light.
Paul and Sarah are talking clone talk. He says that there are ‘nine of you’ which offends Sarah. She says there’s only ONE of her, just like there was one Beth, and fibs that she’s only met Alison. She’s still not being 100% truthful. Paul asks about Alison’s husband, and when Sarah says they’ve known each other since high school so Donnie can’t be her Monitor Paul tells her, “We don’t know that!” Yeah, why are they assuming this?
Paul doesn’t want Sarah to lie to him. Olivier told him someone’s been killing the ‘subjects’, know anything about that? Sarah whispers, “No…” Paul’s worried about her safety and when she says she has to go visit Kira he gets her to take his car in case someone is tailing hers. He says his job is to keep her safe. Awwwww.
Sarah walks to the car which is parked in the underground parkaide. I guess Paul isn’t very good at his job because he let her walk to the car alone, where anyone with an arm could stab or shoot Sarah but what do I know. Speaking of stab, look who’s here, it’s my gal Helena! Sarah isn’t as thrilled to see her as I am. Helena says she’s not here to hurt her, she just wants to talk. “And eat. Let’s have lunch!”
In a cheap, crappy diner the two clones sit opposite each other, Helena happily slurping some strawberry Jell-O while Sarah watches on full alert. Helena’s wonderfully odd. She also has a huge appetite because she’s surrounded by empty plates. She tells a wary Sarah that she dreamt they were friends and Sarah says they aren’t. Helena’s unfazed by that. “We will be. I’ve seen it.”
Helena thinks this is a nice restaurant and adds some sugar to her Jell-O. She wants Sarah’s name but Sarah still won’t tell her. She tells Sarah she grew up in a convent with Ukrainian nuns. Sarah asks if that’s who made her kill the others but Helena says no. They saved her from abandoment. It’s a sad little moment until Helena gives out a small burp and meekly says, “Excuse me.” HAHAHA
Helena wants her knife back. Sarah calls it the ‘flying fish blade’ and says, “You’ve got a thing for wings, don’t ya?” and I’m all, YEAH SHE DOES AND NOW I TOTES GET THE SCARRED BACK THING. Helena confesses she’s supposed to kill Sarah too, but Sarah let her live. Sarah wants to play even stevens and go their separate ways but Helena tells her they’ll never be separate. She violently shoves her foot between Sarah’s legs, pinning her to the booth, saying if she gives her names she will spare her. Sarah’s brave AND prepared. She whips the knife out and holds it to Helena’s leg. It surprises Helena, who peeks under the counter to see. She backs down.
Helena picks up a pen and stares at it like she has no idea what to do with it. Holding it like a 4 year old, she scribbles a number on a napkin. Sarah has until midnight to give up a clone’s name or she dies first. Helena leaves, pulling her hood up and pausing at the window to look in at Sarah. She took a dry pancake with her and takes a bite before walking away.
Art’s going through a pile of evidence when Angela walks in and plops a box down, complaining, “Beth’s paperwork’s a mess. It’s like she’s never done it before. Jane Doe’s fingerprint results aren’t even filed here!” HEEEEEE! Art says they ran them, no results, but Angela points out that they should still have a file. Well, they’re doing everything over again, aren’t they? No problem, they just trot off to the morgue, pull the hand they have in storage, and get new fingerprints to run. Oh shit.
Olivier is listening to soothing classical music and relaxing over a bit of soothing Neolution taxidermy when Dr. Leekie calls with some bad news: he has the results of the medical exam and that’s not Beth. WELL. Looks like Felix AND Google are big, fat liars. Identical DNA my ass. Olivier wants to know which one she is if she’s not Beth but Dr. Leekie tells him nothing, ordering him to bring her in.
Sarah calls Cosima to warn her that Helena wants clone names and reassures her she didn’t give her up. Cosima considers giving their names up to Olivier. She tells Sarah about Dr. Leekie and his Neolution movement and Sarah tells her that Olivier owns a club called Neolution! Cosima thinks that is veeery interesting. Sarah informs her the club’s full of bio-hack body-mod freaks and get this: Olivier is rumoured to have a tail.
Cosima starts talking about the lecture she went to with Delphine which makes Sarah angry. She wants Cosima to stay way from her. The two argue and end the call and toss their phones down in anger, both of them calling the other a bitch. Clones, man. Clones.
There’s a knock at the door and Cosima isn’t ready for her dinner date with Delphine. She answers in her slip, looking sexy as hell.
Paul comes out of his shower to find Olivier and his creepy one-white-eyed sidekick that Felix met (who’s name is apparently Astrid) waiting to talk to him. Paul lies and says ‘Beth’ is out for a girl’s lunch and plays dumb when Olivier tells him ‘Beth’ is an imposter. Olivier thinks Sarah is the one killing the other subjects, since the person doing it looks just like them. Paul plays dumber, saying, “You mean, like a twin.” Olivier rolls his eyes and says yes.
Time for some backstory! Sarah’s visiting Kira and Mrs. S hands her a photo album. She talks about being in Brixton and working in social services, helping women and children, wards of the state, refugees, deportees etc. She points to a picture of a man, Carlton. Carlton would sometimes bring in a child to be hidden. Sarah was one of them. Sarah asks why she’d need to be hidden but they never asked that when given someone to help. Mrs. S became Sarah’s legal guardian. Carlton was about to be arrested. He begged her to keep her safe and hidden so she took Sarah and Felix and came…well, wherever this show is supposed to take place. The US, Canada, one of the two. Ok. A little vague but good to know.
Helena breaks into Beth’s condo and heads to the fridge, grabbing a rotisserie chicken. She eats and makes herself comfortable, smelling Paul’s shirts, hugging Beth’s/Sarah’s shoes, sniffing the bed pillows and bouncing on the bed. You know, typical Helena stuff.
Cosima and Delphine are having dinner when who should show up but Dr. Leekie. Cosima isn’t fooled for a minute when Delphine asks if she should go ask him to join them. He does and they chat science-y stuff. Dr. Leekie tries to stroke Cosima’s ego but she just shoots that right down. He offers her the chance to work with him and his research. She looks angry. Delphine looks nervous. Dr. Leekie looks like Max Headroom.
Oh hey, we’re back at the club. In the basement room Paul and Olivier chat. He’s trying to be convincing, acting like he’s just found out Beth is dead. Olivier is suspicious that Paul didn’t know since they still have the sex. He starts pulling out pictures of Afghanistan and lays them on the desk for Paul to look at, using words like ‘loyalty’ and ‘rewards’. They show a picture of Paul, terribly beaten. Paul says he knows what he did. Really? I wish I knew, cause it looks like all Paul did was get himself an old fashioned ass kicking to his face. Olivier tells him if makes this right Afghanistan goes away. Paul asks for his phone.
Mrs. S tells Sarah she understands if she has to go away to find out more about her past. She promises to keep Kira safe just like she did with Sarah. They hug and hug and hug. So much hugging. Felix is pleased with the family bonding.
Olivier pulls a chair close to Paul and hands him his cell. “Put it on speaker,” he orders.
Sarah’s phone rings. She looks a little nervous when she sees it’s Paul. Luckily she’s smart and says nothing more than a non-commital, “Hello?” Paul calls her Beth. She immediately switches to Beth-mode and asks what’s up. Paul looks straight into Olivier’s eyes.
“They know you’re not Beth. Run.”
He’s immediately attacked and sedated. Nooo Paul, noooooooo!
Sarah and Felix go straight to Olivier’s stupid underground club. Felix thinks this is a bad move since Paul told her to run but Sarah can’t just leave him. Besides, she has a bad idea.
Helena’s sitting at the kitchen table, playing Beth/Sarah, Paul’s picture propped up opposite her. “How was your day, Paul? Yeah. I also had a pleasant day. I went working and shopping.” Her phone rings and she blows the picture a kiss. “Pardon me, it’s work.”
It’s Sarah, and she has a name for Helena. Olivier. Helena tells her that’s not the name of a sheep and Sarah is confused. Helena explains by baaaaa-ing into the phone. Sarah gets it and tells her this is more important than a sheep; Olivier is a shepherd. She tells Helena to come meet her. Helena grins.
Outside the club doors, Sarah and Felix are planning. He tells her he’s sure Paul came out of the basement, so that should be where Olivier’s office is. A pair of ravers walk out the exit and Sarah sneaks in. Someone needs to up the security in this place. I couldn’t even sneak into my local Celebrations Dinner Theatre with that move and I’m pretty sure they don’t do anything illegal there. Pretty sure.
Before she goes in Sarah give Felix Art’s card, telling him that if she’s not back in 15 minutes, to call him and tell him everything. That’s not a lot of time.
Sarah walks into the basement and is immediately found by White-Eye Astrid. She brings her to Olivier, interrupting his funtime of punching Paul’s beautiful face. Olivier is fascinated by Sarah, especially when Astrid hands over the fishwing knife Sarah was carrying. Paul is sad. He told her to run and now she’s in even more danger.
Olivier calls Dr. Leekie and leaves a message, telling him to call as soon as he can. Paul rests his head on Sarah when she comes to touch him and tells her Olivier thinks she’s the killer. Sarah is surprised and says he’s wrong. Olivier points out they have medical evidence that proves she’s not Beth and when Sarah asks how they could tell since they are genetic identicals, Olivier tells her he’s not a scientist. Wait, what? Then what is Olivier?
Sarah rats out Helena as the killer but doesn’t tell them Helena’s name. She asks what they want. He wants The Future, whatever that is. Genetic enhancements and stuff.
Sarah: Self-directed evolution. You want to grow a tail, that’s your business.
Olivier: (grinning) Oh, you know about my modest enhancement?
Paul: (still tied up) You’ve got a tail?!
Olivier thinks his dumb ole tail is nothing compared to Sarah the clone. He strokes her hair and asks if she wants to see his tail. She’s disgusted and knocks his hand away. She most definitely does not want to see his tail but Olivier keep rambling on about it as he fiddles with his belt buckle. It’s an Argentinian bio-hack with blood flow and nerve endings, warm to the touch. Olivier’s got this rapey vibe going but his phone rings and he stops fiddling with his pants. Paul rests his head sweetly on Sarah again, maybe in relief this time. Damn. I wanted to see his tail!
It’s Dr. Leekie and he wants to know what the emergency is. When he’s told Olivier has the killer he tells him to prepare her for travel, and to be careful with her. Astrid immediately throws a cloth bag over Sarah’s head, zipties her arms behind her back, and leads her away to room with a security camera.
Olivier watches them through a monitor but he just can’t stop being creepy and turns back to Paul, telling him how irresistible Sarah is and that he’d fall in love with her too. Paul plays it cool cause over Olivier’s shoulder he can see someone sneak up behind Astrid and hit her over the head, knocking her out cold. Yay, Helena!
Sarah tells Helena to untie her but she won’t until she gives her a name of a sheep too. She starts choking Sarah, who gasps that she’ll tell her.
Olivier holds Helena’s fishwing knife up to Paul’s neck, mocking him for not taking the way out offered to him and trusting the wrong person. Paul glances over his shoulder again and Olivier notices, turning around to look at the monitor. He sees Sarah, still bound with her head covered, and the unconscious Astrid on the floor. He leaves to check it out.
Olivier walks into the room and takes the cloth hood off Sarah. Surprise, bitches! It’s Helena! He holds the fishwing knife up and asks, “Who are you?”
“I want to see your tail,” Helena says, all innocent. Then she kicks his ass and throws him facedown. “Now show me your tail.”
Olivier slowly pulls his pants down. “That’s good,” Helena croons and I throw up a little cause if you thought the other scene was mildly rapey this is way worse. Plus EW HIS TAIL! HIS TAIL! It’s HIDEOUS and it MOVES and NO NOT RIGHT YUCKY WHY DID I WANT TO SEE IT.
Helena wonders how his tail is possible and teases him, “Did you lie with a beast?” Olivier calls her a ‘miracle’ and offers to help her but she has a message from Thomas. She reaches down and cuts his tail off. Olivier screams and screams as blood spurts out. That’s gotta sting.
Paul is still watching the gore show when Sarah runs in, confessing there’s a few things she should have told him. “You think?” he snips back. She unties him.
Meanwhile, Felix is still sitting in the car outside, worrying. The 15 minutes is long up and he calls Art, telling him he needs to talk to him about Beth Childs. Art sits down, all worried like, and asks what about her. Felix is just about to spill the beans when Sarah and Paul run up to the window, almost giving him a heart attack. “Shit! Christ! Wrong number.” He hangs up on Art. Felix is THE BEST.
Helena dances with the ravers in the club cause she don’t give a f-ck. She’s got moves and her dance is the best because she’s still holding onto Olivier’s tail. Some kids dance with glow sticks, Helena dances with a tail. It’s the coolest. Eventually she raises her arms up above her head and tosses it behind her like it’s nothing but trash.
Sarah and Paul hide down at Felix’s. Paul’s not happy to hear that the name Sarah gave is her own. He looks at her with *heart* eyes and says they can’t go back to Beth’s. They’ll be looking for them. Felix decides to give them some privacy because Felix is a clever minx. Sarah and Paul kiss lovingly as Felix goes to get drunk.
Cosima and Delphine are back at Cosima’s. Delphine points out that working with Dr. Leekie would be an amazing opportunity and asks why she’s being so coy. Cosima says it’s time to admit what this is all about and Delphine thinks the jig is up but instead of calling her out as her Monitor Cosima kisses her. Delphine pulls away an Cosima asks if she’s made a huge mistake. Delphine takes off. Cosima is sad. I’m sad too cause Cosima deserves hot girl sexing.
Art’s finally stopped saying, “Hello…hello?” into his cell phone and is leaving for the day. Angela frantically calls him back into the room; the match from the fingerprints are in. “Who’s Sarah Manning?” Angela asks, peering closer.
Art looks over her shoulder. “And why does she look like Beth?!”
Shit just got real.