Game of Thrones 3.7 – The Bear and The Maiden Fair

[LIZARDLY PURRING]

[LIZARDLY PURRING]

Previously! This week: Theon Greyjoy would just really like to take a nap, the Wildling’s Warg has a serious case of the fedora-wearing Nice Guys, and did that muh fuh seriously just insult the Mother of Dragons…on Mother’s Day?

 (I tried to get an interview with the bear featured in this episode, but they told me no, he’s a live bear and would literally rip my face off. So, thanks for making me look stupid, bear. What a jerk.)

 

Our Wildling group (including all of the folks that didn’t get knocked off during the avalanche) is finally on the greener side of The Wall, ready to make the long trek to Castle Black, which is about a week away.  Jon tells Ygritte that the long hike would be so much better if they had R. Lee Ermey calling everyone Maggot, but rhythmically, when she points out how very stupid that is. Boys holding flags? Drums?  Fifes? It’d be better if they were holding an ax.  Also, way to tell the enemy you’re on the way!

Jon can do some seriously droll “you fucking kidding me?” face,  and reminds her of Mance’s “Biggest Fire The Seven Kingdoms Have Ever Seen” thereby trumping Gondor’s signal fires of “Holy Shit We Need Help!”  She slinks off, leaving Jon ripe for a scowling from the Warg, who is just never going to like Pretty Boy Bastard.  Why?  Because he thinks Jon is the kind of man that does things only when it suits him, like banging that hot ginger piece and helping the Wildlings.   But he doesn’t think it will last.

This guy suffers from some serious Fedora Nice Guy Syndrome.

This guy suffers from some serious Fedora Nice Guy Syndrome.

Jon narrows his eyes – he’s dirty and swarthy enough now that it actually carries weight – and bides his time.

Robb and his small council gripe about the rain keeping them from getting to Frey’s place.  Blackfish isn’t too interested in chilling with that wet shit, Edmure is totally cool with them taking the scenic route to his forced marriage to Gimp Gorilla Girl, and Cate wants to remind everyone that this is all Robb’s (read: Talisa’s) fault.

Robb kicks them all out because it’s time for Game of Bones, chicky bow wow!  He gives Talisa the royale with cheese, then leaves her to write letters naked while he gets back to war-planning.  But damn, she is seriously attractive (she has perfect skin, good lord) and needs to get another taste of that hot wife action.  She demures for a moment, shows a pair of baby booties she’s knitting, and he gets excited when she asks him how he feels about buns in her Queenly Oven.  Robb’s instantly ready for round two.  Mm, making heirs gets him hot.

Speaking of, Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter gives Jon a little Sex-Having 101:

  • Don’t fuck your backpack – ladies are better. They make noises.
  • Get them wet; lakes are good for this, but any lubricant is fine.
  • Slip it in nice and slow. This keeps you from popping off too fast.
  • Act like you care about what her name is,and always give a fake number. 

We learn why Ygritte is so keen on Jon instead of any other Wildlings when the Warg corners her.

Warg: What, you like him because he’s pretty?
Ygritte: …yeah, it helps.
Warg: Because he was raised well and is smart?
Ygritte: Yep.
Warg: Because he’s clean? He even scrubs between his legs?
Ygritte: Definitely a selling a point.
Warg: Well, I’d tell you how fierce a warrior you were when I’d do you from behind. I wouldn’t touch my backpack all day before I touched you.
Ygritte: You know how to do that mouth to lady-mouth thing?
Warg: …hmm?
Ygritte: LATER, BONER.

The Warg watches her run off to get some head from Jon Snow and seethes, “You’ll see.  You’ll all see.”

Sansa and Margaery take a stroll as Sansa informs Margaery of the new plan to have her marry Tyrion instead of Loras.  “I’m stupid. I’m a stupid little girl with stupid dreams who never learns.”  Oh, honey, you were just really sheltered.  We’re about to find out just how sheltered you were.

She’s horrified at the thought of getting sexy with a dwarf. (I would like to interject here and say that Peter Dinklage is one sexy mother fucker.  Carry on with the recap.) Margaery tries to explain that Tyrion’s known for having…experience.  And since most men can’t seem to find the clitoris (GUYS: IT IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?) Sansa might find that hooking up with a playa works in her favor.

Sansa: How do you know all of this?  Your mother?

Margaery: [thinks back to her sex-training slave and all of the languid, sun-drenched afternoons spent on silken poufs, fingers and mouths in new and exciting places] Mm, yes.  She had me call her “Mommy” once…

[I assume that how Dany learned to please Khal Drogo is typical for highborn ladies?  Let me dream, okay?]

Tyrion complains to Bronn about having to marry what he sees is a child.  Bronn reminds him that “Old enough to pee, old enough for me!” Tyrion shakes that off with worries about how Shae is going to take this.

What, you mean your whore?  Yeah, she’ll be broken-hearted.  Entire whorehouses filled with broken-hearted hookers, actually.  Sort of their stock in trade, in a manner of speaking.  Pimps see that as job security. Marry Sansa, fuck your whore, the world’s your oyster, my man.

THE SCENE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR ALL SEASON IS NOW. Holy smokes, Joffrey “King Weaselteat” is sprawled on the Sword Throne (how boring, you know?) waiting for his grandfather Tywin to come speak to him.  And in a show of ultimate power, Tywin takes a few steps into the chamber, the Kingsguard (not the Hand Guard) stop and don’t accompany him the rest of the way in.

That, my friends, is one powerful dude.

This moment was everything I could have hoped for. Well, there was no face slapping, but beggars, choosers...

This moment was everything I could have hoped for. Well, there was no face slapping, but beggars, choosers…

Joffrey tries to bitch and posture about how inconvenient his Gee-Pop-Pop is making his life with all the stairs to climb and meetings to attend when Tywin is all, OH, YOU DON’T LIKE STAIRS? as he slowly and menacingly stomps up the steps to the throne. “We could have you carried, you giant, weaselteat of a baby.”

EXCEPT.  Oh my gosh, I was so excited by this moment, because Joffrey showed actual intelligence! Cunning, even!  He took it upon himself to learn about Daenerys and her dragons, and wants to be counselled on what to do about them. Because he realizes that she is an actual threat. Tywin brushes this off, because he isn’t concerned, ergo, Joffrey shouldn’t be, either.

This doesn’t sit well with King Weaselteat, but he’s so untrained, uneducated in the ways of real power that he doesn’t know how to get what he wants.  And Tywin freaking knows it, smirking as he walks away.  I LOVE THIS SHOW, YOU GUYS, I LOVE IT SO MUH-HUH-HUH-HUCH,

Dany and Jorah look down on a new city, Yunkai. (On the opening map, it looks  very similar to Astapor, down to the Oracle? Phoenix? Lady Griffon? on the highest tower.)  It’s a city for “bed slaves” and it’s not strategically important, Jorah explains.  Dany’s stuck on the word “slave” and since she likes being able to look into a mirror at night, she’s going to see what she can do here.  Grey Worm is sent to tell the Slave Masters that they can surrender to her in person. Ha.

One such emissary comes to see her, Razdal mo Eraz. (Awesome moment: he tries to get close to Dany and her dragons – draped about the tent like peacocks, fire-breathing peacocks – hiss at him.) He’s got gifts of gold and ships for the Khaleesi, and all he asks in return is for her to bug out.  Yeah, not happening.  Oh? Well he and Yunkai have powerful friends, and they’re not going to just roll over, thanks.

Really? She’s all, “All UR slaves R belonging to us” and how about I give you the gift of not horribly murdering you with dragon fire? Because you just insulted me, in my own tent, in front of my children.  Get out and spread the word.

ON MOTHER'S DAY?!?!!

ON MOTHER’S DAY?!?!!

Things I like here: that the dragons can read their Mommy’s mood/mind/whatever mystical connection they have that has them doing her bidding.  I want a dragon! (If any of y’all are Metalocalypse fans, every time they show the dragons, I slip into Skwisgaar-voice “FIND ME A DRAGON.”)

Jorah needs to do some digging and find out who the Yunkai’s powerful buddies are.  Dany?  YOU ARE MY QUEEN, KHALEESI.

Shae gives Tyrion the “you’re a lousy boyfriend” treatment, not happy with the gold necklace he presents her.  Look, his dad is making him do this, okay?  “Your father does not rule the world,” she says.  Um, he kind of does, currently. So why doesn’t he run away with her, she wonders?  They could make their way south, do a little Punch & Judy for coppers…

Uh, he’s a Lannister of Casterly Rock.  He can’t leave.  But he can put her up in a nice penthouse suite, Julia Roberts her in a hotel? She is so miserable about her options.  Being a sex worker blows.  Not even Tyrion singing “Lady…. I’m your knight in shining armor, and I love you. You have made me what I am and… I am yours!” Gorl, that was romantic, okay?  But yeah. Not being legitimized would suck.

Fire Crotch Mage takes Gendry over Blackwater Bay, and this is such a gorgeous shot – you can see all of the sunken ships, destroyed by Wildfire.  When he complains about being back and being nothing but a poor kid from Flea Bottom, she decides it’s time for him to learn the truth.

The Tale of Lady Melisandre and how she became Fire Crotch Mage

Once upon a time there was a slave who had a daughter born with fire in her hair. She had fire put to her skin in the form of a brand, but the fire in  her eyes never died, no matter how cruel her masters were.

One day someone handed her a pamphlet that read “Have you ever wondered where you’re going? Where you’re from? Come to a meeting this Sunday and learn how the Lord of Light can break your shackles and make you free!  Well, free to do as He chooses.”

And she did, and now she counsels Kings and gives birth to shadow babies, the end.

She tells Gendry that he’s not a bastard.  Everyone on the ship pops up and asks if she was just talking about Jon Snow.

Sailor 1: Ned Stark’s bastard?

Sailor 2: Aye, the only bastard in all of Westeros.

Gendry: Nope, uh, bastard here, too.

(Somewhere Jon feels jealous, the likes he only had when Robb was given favor, and doesn’t know why.)

Melisandre shakes her head and explains that his father is actually Robert Baratheon.  He has a king’s blood in his veins.  And…she wants that blood.  He should be concerned by all this talk about blood and power, me thinks.

Arya sits sulking in the Cave of Wonders And Also Smelly Pirate Thieves. No matter how  much Beric tries to explain why it was okay for him to sell Gendry, she won’t hear of it.  Their God isn’t an Awesome God, he’s stupid and dumb and she hates his FACE. The only God she believes in is Death. (Girl is hard as nails.)

Sassy Archer runs in with news of a Lannister raiding party, and all of the Smelly Pirate Thieves get excited, because there’s nothing they love more than looting some rich bastards.  But they promised to send Arya to Riverrun?! She has HAD IT with stupid boys.  She takes off running into the night and is almost immediately caught by The Hound.  JFC, child.  Out of the frying pan into the fire. Sorry, Clegane, I know how scared you are of fire.

Brienne sulks in her dress when Jaime comes to bid her farewell. He also wants to talk about the debt he owes her, but because Brienne is better than us all, she says that if he gets the Stark girls back to their mother, he can consider the debt paid.

There is not much better than watching Jaime realize how amazing Brienne is all over again.  She’s singlehandedly restoring his faith in honor, and it’s a thing of beauty to behold. (And she falls a little in love with him for seeing him become so honorable all over again, I think.)

As Jaime leaves the next morning, Locke (hand chopper) sneers and smirks and is basically disgusting, hinting that he’ll take “good care” of Brienne while Jaime is away.  He is awful, and I want him and Weaselteat to be thrown in a pit with hungry dragons.

Theon is untied from his Torture X by two hot babes.  Why, they’re sexy nurses, come to soothe and cure him of that pesky soft-cockitis plaguing him. He just wants out of that room, ladies, and while it’s nice to give him a hand and a half – oh, to each other now, eh?  Maybe I can stick around for a little bit, if you’re going to kiss her so sweetly.  Hey, I am totally on board with a dry hump threeway, thank you for aski–

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

The Gold Medal for "Seriously Cannot Catch a Fucking Break" goes to Theon Greyjoy of the Iron Islands!

The Gold Medal for “Seriously Cannot Catch a Fucking Break” goes to Theon Greyjoy of the Iron Islands!

Fucking Maybe-A-Karstark and his stupid-ass bugle of coitus interruptus! (And he totally looks like Sean Astin, right?) He’s all, “How do you like my girls? We’ve all heard of your dick, and it’s so famous, I think I’d like to have it mounted.  As in, cut off of you and mounted.” Jesus, this guy.  I’m at the point now where I think he’s in love with Theon and he never learned how to properly pull pigtails.  Also, WOW, DUDE. Cutting off Theon’s dick?  We don’t know if he follows through yet, but still.  I feel so badly for Theon, guys.

Ygritte shows Jon that she’s pretty handy with a bow and arrow, catching a nice deer for their supper.  They pass a small mill and she acts like she’s been dropped in the middle of Times Square.  Oh, country mouse, you’re so adorable. Jon thinks so, at least.  He expects she’ll swoon-

“What’s swooming?”

You know, fainting?

“Nope, still not getting it.”

Um…when a girl sees blood and collapses–

“What the hell do you think we girls deal with every 28 days, Jon Snow? HINT: BLOOD. Girls see more blood than boys.”  Ha. Also awesome: the land of Tralalalaladeeday.

(I love her. I also laugh whenever I hear dudebros talk about how girls can’t deal with blood.  OH, WE CAN, WE JUST GET TIRED OF IT.)

They have to get serious for a moment, though. Because he really needs her to understand that the Wildlings won’t win.  In a thousand years, they’ve tried six times, and in a thousand years not once has it worked.  He knows.  He wants her to know. And she panics, because they’re supposed to be out for each other, yeah? No matter which way this goes, he’s going to be with her, right?  Because yes, they may die, but first they need to live. And by living she means deep soul kissing.

Hodor stares confused as everyone in Bran and Jojen’s camp bickers and argues. Tonks is not going anywhere but Castle Black, because she made a promise. Also, she’s never going over the Wall again. Never.  She had a man, and he turned into a Fremen-eyed Zombie flesh eater, and that’s what happens to everyone over there.  So. They’re sticking to the plan.

(Thought: if the Wight Walker/Walking Dead/Zombie whatever thing is a virus, is the Wall keeping it from spreading south?  Sorry, Contagion is one of my favorite Tabletop games. I LIKE TO PLAN.)

Jaime gets Dr. Moreau to look at his lumpy stump (augh! Such amazing special effects) and hears Dr. Moreau’s tale of vivisection and “unnecessary surgeries” before creating a secret society specializing in Gozer worship. [You have my undying love if you get that.]

Jaime learns that no one is coming to help Brienne, because Locke doesn’t want gold – he wants a world of sapphires.  SHIT. That’s Jaime’s fault.  He convinces the man who is in charge of bringing him to King’s Landing to go back to Harrenhal. Because Brienne is his bro, and you never leave a man behind!

They arrive in Harrenhal, Jaime tells everyone to shut up so he can hear where they are, and races towards a pit where drunken men sing “Bear and a Maiden Fair” song (they need more musicians in Westeros, I think) as they WATCH BRIENNE IN A HOLE FIGHTING A GEE DEE GRIZZLY BEAR WHAT THE HELL??

The only reason that bear is there is because she got her period.

The only reason that bear is there is because she got her period.

Raise your hand if you thought Jaime was going to throw Locke down in there? Because I was waiting for it. So there’s Brienne with a flipping WOODEN SWORD and scratches on her neck from huge claws, when the bear knocks her to the ground.  Jaime JUMPS IN TO PROTECT HER BECAUSE HE IS WONDERFUL.

i-immediately-regret-this-decision-anchorman

The guy in charge of his travels shouts down, “Jaime, I know it sounds harsh, but God doesn’t want her to live.” And then shoots the bear with an arrow to distract it.  Jaime shoves Brienne up the wall to safety, and as he’s being charged, JUMPS UP AND GRABS ONE-HANDED ONTO A POST and clings for dear life until Brienne can reach down and pull him up to safety, because they are the best and I love them, and I want them to get married on a mountaintop with fresh herbs and garlands of flowers and have a family band.

Locke tells Jaime that Brienne is staying for him to play with, and Jaime throws him over to the bear.  YES HE DOES.  Okay, he doesn’t, but he really should have. (And nice Skyrim bear sound effect, Show. I approve.) Jaime and Brienne do leave together, though, and she loves him that much more.

AS DO I. He’s gonna find his baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna grab some afternoon delight. Jaime’s motto’s always been when it’s right, it’s right, why wait for the middle of a cold dark night?

So next week looks like a doozy, and all I can think of is: TYRION THREATENS WEASELTEAT! Also, GENDY IS SHIRTLESS AND TIED UP. Dear TV Gods: thank you.

So, I have noticed this season that the show feels far more organized as far as telling the story in a linear fashion.  We have a scene that leads easily to one, then to the other (Gendry to Arya, for example) and it just feels tighter to me.  They’ve figured out how to get the story beats out in a way that keeps me on my toes without ever feeling like it’s dragging.  (Although I suspect that book readers might not feel that way, because they’re filling in blanks from the pages?)

Obligatory reminder: I am spoiler free, I have not read the books, PLEASE PLEASE do not fill me in on what’s to come or on things that you would only know from reading the books.  Please.  Be a lady, don’t be shady.

CLick here for the next episode, 3.8

Please like & share:
  • Amy

    Laura, why did he not throw hand-chopper guy to the bear? WHY?? I needed some satisfaction (beyond all the nudity in this episode) and even Tyrion lording over the king wasn’t quite enough for me. No bloodshed there, sadly.

    On a side note, I require a mind-reading dragon baby. At least one. Please get right on that thanks.

    Great recap as always :)

    • SERIOUSLY, 1) WHY DID HE NOT TOSS THE FUCKER OVER and 2) WHY ARE THERE NOT MIND-READING BABY DRAGONS FOR US? I mean, I would totally feed it raw meat, if they wanted it. Let them go fish, whatever. If I can’t have one of those, gimmie a Jorah instead? :D

      Thank you, Amy!

  • Katy

    Every time I see the dragons all I can think is DAMN I want those people to be working on a Dragons of Pern movie (Anne McCaffrey FTW).

    Also, More Ser Jorah speaking please and thank you. *swoons*

    I love Ygritte.

    I kept muttering for Jamie to push Locke over the wall. Alas it didn’t happen. But I’m so glad that GRRM got to write this episode with the bear. It’s one of my favorites from the book.

    • The FX department on this show is freaking amazing. Seriously, every single week it just looks like they have tens of millions of dollars for each episode. I just love the look of this show, from the opening credits to the last scene, every.single.week.

      Ygrtitte is definitely a bad mama jama. I’m a fan of her, for sure.

      The whole entire bear scene!!! OH MY GOSH, MY HEART WAS IN MY THROAT.

  • Miss H.

    Nice reading, as usual :)
    Why, I believe your review is rated even NC-Dirtier than the episode itself!

    • Thank you! I was laaaaaate today, too.

      AHAHHA, I have a dirty mouth, I can’t help it. Wait, I CAN help it, I just DON’T.

      True story, every week when the show starts, if I see all of the “warnings” and they have nudity, adult situations, etc., my husband and I high five. :D

  • Miss H.

    Don’t even think about ‘helping it’! Potty mouth is sexy and your hubby is a lucky man :P

    Hmm since fellow commentors want dragons, I am all for each of ya getting a dragon. See, it works like this: Dragons OR Ser Jorah. I chose Ser Jorah. Annnnd I believe my odds are better if less of us goes for Jorah. Then he’s can be all mine TEEHEE. *ignores all everyone else’s lusting after him*

    • Hahaha, I’ll print this out and show it to him whenever he looks bothered by my cussing. ;)

      OH I SEE WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO. Look. If you will loan me Ser Jorah on occasion, I will share the dragon with you. OTHERWISE: I will use my dragon to destroy you and TAKE Ser Jorah. I learned my ways from my Khaleesi.

  • Mike

    Good grief.

    Now I can’t get the image of the Stay Puft man stomping through Kings Landing out of my brain.

    • Hey, he’s a sailor…in town…he’s just looking to have a good time!

      Wildfire = what happens when you cross the streams. ;D

  • Mike

    Everything was going fine until the power was shut off by Varys, here….

    • If you were in the same room with me, I would give you a full on the mouth kiss, so you know.

      YES IT’S TRUE. THIS MAN HAS NO PENIS.

  • ON

    MOTHER’S

    DAY

    • I MEAN.

      THE MAN CLEARLY HAS A DEATH WISH.

  • Colleen

    I giggled through this whole recap, it’s really starting to unnerve my kids. LOL
    Ok, for the record, the only thing missing that would have made the Weaselteat/Tywin scene absolutely perfect would have been if Diana Rigg sashayed across the room and made a sarcastic comment about what a loser Joffrey is. You know, like geriatric peer pressure?

    I am doing a happy dance that everyone finally understands that JAMIE IS AMAZING. I understand it took him a while to gain some traction because of the twincest and Bran-flinging… but yes, Brienne makes him a better person. I loved the bear scene in the book, but man, I love how the actress playing Brienne managed to look so brave in a ridiculous dress and wooden sword.

    I shall shut up, before this comment gets longer than the actual recap. Great job Laura!!!

    • Oooh, Olenna smirking somewhere in the Throne Room would have cranked that scene to 11, yes!

      I freaking love Jaime Lannister, and have since he shoved Bran out of the window. He’s clearly not one dimensional (or even two) and the slow building of his character over three seasons has been DELICIOUS. Loved everything about his moments (and Brienne’s!) on my TV this ep. <3

  • cowsharky

    The one thing that kinda confused me was when the one chick was torturing Theon, was she dry-humping him or did she take it out off-camera or something? ‘Cuz when she was going to town, his pants were still up at his waist. I guess I don’t get pron torture.

    • Totes riding denim. Dry hump is the safe hump! :D

      • cowsharky

        It wasn’t safe for Theon.

        • No, the torturous grinding on his clothed wang before having said wang threatened to be cut off was definitely not in my handbook for safe sex.

          Then again, mine was printed in the ’50s, so who knows with kids these days.

  • Josie Morin

    “before creating a secret society specializing in Gozer worship. [You have my undying love if you get that.]”

    Are you the Keymaster?

    • YES. Gozer the Gozerian… good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.

  • Aaron L

    As soon as I saw the gozer comment the first quote to pop in my head was.. Yes its true this man has no dick, and couldnt wait to put it in my comment, but alas you beat me to it ;)
    I love that you guys high five the “the good stuff” Awesome!!

    Yes, this season has been my fav so far. It meshes and flows so well. Even in some of the slower episodes it still seems to fly by.

    R lee Ermey LOL.. What is your major malfunction numbnuts!!!

    Favorite scenes were Tywin making “King Weaselteat” squirm like a worm. Dany/dragons coming into there own, and Jaime and Brienne
    scenes. Jaime is one of my favs for the same reason you pointed out. Hes not one or two dimensional hes human. And when Brienne called him Ser Jaime I could FEEL the respect and admiration hed gained from her.
    Brienne was all “when everything’s a little clearer in the light of day,
    and we know the night is always gonna be here anyway!!!”

    Great recap once again Laura.. You so Need to be on WIC.net They dont know what they are missing…..

    • SHUT THIS DOWN. SHUT THIS ALL DOWN.
      “Oh, that’s the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there.” “What a shame…”

      With the exception of the original Star Wars trilogy, Ghostbusters is the next “most-watched” movie in my house. LIVING LIFE IN A CORRECT MANNER. (I hope you know that I’m waiting for Melisandre to fight King’s Landing personally so I can have Tyrion say “This bitch is TOAST!”

      AC, AL, N, SC, SSC, V = AWW YEAH. Hahahaha. I’m a very sick individual.

      Aaron, I feel strongly that at some point in life I need to buy you a beer and a plate of buffalo wings so we can movie quote all night. I feel like this needs to happen.

      BRIENNE USED JAIME’S HONORIFIC! Oh, this season’s arc with the two of them is such a beautiful thing. I love how she’s learning what real honor is, beyond the pretty fairs and jousts of Renly’s court. I love that Jaime is seeing true bravery and what a pure soul looks like in Brienne. Also, he just really needs a friend. And to admire someone (Like I think he does with Brienne) and have that person respect HIM? After the years of being “The Kingslayer?” That was the key to unlock his broken self, you know.

      WOW DO I LOVE THIS SHOW.

      (And thank you for that! I’ve tried for three seasons to get on their list, but… Eh. My readership is very, very small here, but I do think I have some of the best – and wank-free – discussions on the net, so I’m pretty proud of how we all come together weekly.)

  • Aaron L

    Doe…….. Raaaay………..Egoooon “Whaaat the hell are yoou doooin”

    Yes, Ghostbusters is one of my all time favs.. It can be watched over and over. Oh of course the Original Star Wars trilogy is #1, that goes without saying :). Two of my guilty pleasure movies from growing up (lets see if were on the same page here) are Clue and The Burbs. Along with Ghostbusters, I can always pop one of these in and laugh and enjoy always.

    Growing up and going on family trips most families played eye spy or other such games in the car. My brothers and I played our own movie quote game. To this day we have our own little language with movie quotes mixed into everything LOL. Sometimes I forget and talk that way to my wife, slip in quotes to our conversation, and she just looks at me like, what the HELL are you talking about. I tell her oh man that would have been perfect if my brothers were here. There would have been LOTS of laughter. But nooooo you have NO IDEA what Im talking about.. LOL

    Yes, beer, wings, and movie quotes….. You cant go wrong there. Good Times !!

    Ok sorry I rambled on the GOT page too much, so back to GOT. I am sooooo Happy about this season… Like I said in an earlier post, theres so much I want to say, but I cant. Ive already accidently slipped talking to friends about key parts, and I would feel so bad, so I stay mum on most everything. But when you do read the books, you need to have some kind of page so we can discuss them….

    As to WIC… Your readers are the best, and they get you, and have such funny remarks and banter between you, so if you got too many readers Im sure thered be some jerk who didn’t “get you” and start ruining the fun. So, theres a tiny silver lining I guess :) But still, Im biased, this is the BEST recap out there, and they don’t know what theyre missing..

    • Fun thing about 30 Rock – the first two seasons have a nod to Ghostbusters in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE. Oh, how much love I had for that show. Often said in my house: “FLA- FLAMES. FLAMES on the side of my face..Breathing-HEAVING breaths.”

      Ha, my family does that, too. Alongside movie quotes are song lyrics and Sesame Street quotes, because Sesame Street belongs in everything.

      I’ve thought about reviewing the books once I get to read them – that would go up here, so you’ll know where to look. In…seven years? Ha.

      Funny story: the VERY FIRST COMMENT to the very first GoT post I did was some dudebro bitching at me for using DnD references, because not every fantasy show is about DnD. Ha. People figure out quickly that they won’t get the troll feeding their looking for over here and bugger off, so that is a HUGE relief, this is true. And you are the BEST, dude. Tell your wife I said you are a gift. A GIFT. :D

  • Miss H.

    Hehe Aaron, ramblings that are fun reading will never be frown upon :) I have been recommending my friends our dear Laura’s recap for GoT and everyone agreed that they are da bomb – and not just the recap but also the commentaries! Said friends will never ‘ruin the fun’ so no worries there! I believe everyone here understands just how to fangirl in a wank-free manner :D (Also, understand that Ser Jorah is mi… *cough* exclusively co-owned)

    Alright Laura, we have a deal. What a pleasure to deal with someone reasonable xD I believe you are more than generous…lol

    • Aww, you’re a champ and a half.

      I definitely love when commenters have chats and discussions here, too. I’m usually on top of everything that comes in and can filter out jerks or spoilers pretty quickly, so it really is a safe place to let loose and let your fangirl/boy out. <3 That was the whole point of creating this place, actually! A safe and friendly fannish outlet.

      HAHAHA at jorah being co-owned. LOL!

  • Lee No

    Amazing recap, as always. Here again my few stray thoughts, seeing as you were kind enough to respond to my last one (That’ll teach you to be nice and respond to comments, Laura!)
    -My theory on why Ygritte likes to say Jon’s full name: She just likes to remind him he’s a bastard, Jon SNOW! Because she’s a sucker for the emo puppy dog eyes that well up every time she says it because Jon never got to sit at the grown-up table in Winterfell
    -“All UR slaves R belonging to us” haha how nerdy are you :D awesome
    -Theon’s torturer’s horn weirdly reminds me of a Game Show buzzer. Think you’re getting laid in a torture dungeon Theon? BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ wrooong. Poor Theon.
    -The Joffrey and Tywin scene. Such great direction. And you can hate the characters all you want, their acors are so UNBELIEVABLY amazing (well that basically goes for the whole cast…)
    -Lastly, I’d like to point out that I laugh out loud whenever I read Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter. That is all. ;)

    • I always respond to awesome commenters! Chatting about our shared love is the best part of being a fan! :D

      – AHAHAHA, everyone wants Jon SNOW to remember he’s a bastard. Why, newborns in Flea Bottom are first birthed, cry, then ask where Ned Stark’s bastard – Jon Snow – is.

      -I wave my geek flag proudly! Hee.

      -The horn is SO WEIRD. I mean, yes, it’s disarming and all, but…a horn? Game Show buzzer is exactly what it is, yes!! And…gah. Poor Theon.

      -Oh, how I LOVE to hate Joffrey. I don’t want that character gone at all, because he’s so wonderfully awful, you know? But he’s been pretty two-dimensional for the entirety of the show. He’s not been anyone I could sympathize with in the slightest. (Which is fine; his purpose wasn’t to get me to think about his motivations, etc.) But this is the first time I saw more to Joffrey than his puling, grabby-handed approach to life. He’s actually thinking now – hopefully Blackwater got him there – and I hope that continues.

      -And I am terrified of Tywin Lannister. He gives me the most delicious shivers.

      -I can’t think of any actor who I don’t think is doing an amazing job, truly. They’re all just so perfectly cast, all so very specific with their choices as actors – LOVE IT.

      AND THAT IS GREAT TO HEAR! Because I laugh every time I type Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter. :D

  • Gail

    I love your blinking ON MOTHER’S DAY gif. It’s so good.

    I also really love Barristan and Jorah giving each other those “Our Khaleesi is amazing” glances. They’re so amusing!

    Aggg this season and its “Tywin owning his entire family” scenes. I love them alllll.

    • That image is from Tumblr, and I realized that I didn’t add the credit to the background, WHOOPS. *fixes*

      Selmy and Jorah are total fanboys for their Khaleesi – so much love.

      TYWIN LANNISTER IS GETTING SHIT DONE. And he’s utterly terrifying. (Yay!)

  • Aaron L

    30 Rock!!! yes, So sad its done :( The best part about that show was all the hidden references to movies, quotes, and subtleties to other jokes. They didn’t have a flashing arrow saying “joke here you now laugh”, and you either got it, or you didn’t.

    “Dah dah dah dah dah dah I am your singing telegram BOOM!!!!”
    “This is war Peacock” Oh feel the love for knowing Clue…

    Sesame Street quotes, Awesome. You have a bigger brain than me. I cant remember That far back.

    Besides quote games one of our games was to list 3 movies or shows, and you had to guess the actor that was in all 3. For example “Clue” “Mr Mom” “Arrested Development” and we could either say Martin Mull or one of his character names like Col Mustard. (we were teens/preteen, so we didn’t know all actor names) little easier, but a lot of fun LOL

    7 Years…. Ok Ill be waiting :)

    Thank you Miss H for not being annoyed at my ramblings :D Im glad you enjoy reading them. I enjoy all the commenters on here too. I worry sometimes when I get off on some other subject people be like OMG enough dude, LOL…

    It is fun to read all the commenters opinions about the show and how Laura has a comeback for everyone. IMO Laura is the most passionate reviewer of this show, and it rubs off on all of us. The understanding her commenters have of how great her passion is plus her wittiness, hidden gems of quotes, lyrics poems etc etc and the great appreciation we all have for her make it all the better.. Ok ok enough Ass kissing ;)

    Yeah my wife doesn’t appreciate and understand all this useless knowledge up in the old brain. “If she only knew the power of the quoteside” how wonderful it is. “if she just searched her feelings shed know it to be true”
    Yet, she kinda likes me anyways, nerd and all…Phew :)

    • I AM THE QUEEN OF THE RAMBLE, COME ON, BRO. You can talk about what you like here. (Psst: the website is called Hey, don’t judge me. So we don’t. Well, unless you’re into Jeff Dunham unironically, then I am going to judge you really hard.)

      If it makes you feel any better (about ye olde wyfe) my husband rolls his eyes at me quite often. I think he intended to marry a Kappa Kappa Gamma and instead ended up with a chick and her homemade gamma raygun. HEY-O, BROUGHT IT AROUND. He’s lucky, though: I don’t want diamonds and fancy nails, I just want Brian K. Vaughn graphic novels and set pieces from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. :D

      N3RD F4 LYF! I should make us all “If it weren’t for Carbon-14 I wouldn’t date at all” t-shirts so we all can recognize each other out in the wild.

  • Aaron L

    Yes, I know, enough of the Self-consciousness puke. Its so unbecoming….*body shake* ok better ;)
    :D I love the shirt idea….Hilarious.
    Your husband is a lucky man too… (homemade gamma raygun = AWESOME) I still laugh knowing you guys high five AC, AL, N, SC, SSC, V… You know every time I see those little letters Im going to be picturing you guys high fiving LOL
    Yeah Jeff Dunham WTF… I don’t get it… Oh well to each is own I guess ;)

    • It’s that slogan on the shirt, or this:

      “There are
      10
      people who get binary.
      Those who do & those who don’t”

      :D [high fives you]

  • Aaron L

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !!!!! Funny Funny Funny I need those shirts
    :-D [high fives you back]

  • Rena

    OMG I need BOTH of those t-shirts on my body, MAKE THEM NOW!
    Loving the movie references. Aaron L, ‘The Burbs’ remains one of my favourite movies of all time…
    “You keep a horse in the basement?”
    Ahaha. My husband doesn’t really get why I find that movie so funny but he laughs at me laughing. Thankfully I have a brother I can trade quotes with all day long, sometimes we call/text each other just to do that, it makes us laugh and breaks up an otherwise tedious day.
    Laura, your recap was freakin’ STELLAR as always. I recommend you to so many people it is REDONK.
    Ramdom thought: Do you think Iain Glen has to travel about with, like, 100 security guards to keep the screaming women off him? He probably gets panties thrown at him every day, everywhere he goes…

    • Rena, you are both a commenter and a gentleman. Gentlewoman. I like you, is what I’m saying. I like you for liking me. :D (AND THANK YOU FOR THE RECS, omg)

      If Iain Glen isn’t traveling with security, I would like to formally offer my services as a guard and protector (and lover) of his body and voice. I can do chin ups and throw a mean right hook. (For the people trying to get between he and I, of course.) Hahaha. I PROMISE I AM NOT A WEIRDO, FBI PEOPLE.

  • Aaron L

    :D Ahhhhh thank you Rena.. The Burbs is one of my all time favorite guilty pleasure movies.
    Ray, You’re chanting…….. I want to kill everyone. Satan is good. Satan is your pal. Hey, once they get in here….it’s all over, pal.

    Isnt it great when you can quote back and forth with someone, and they get it/you…. That’s why I love this site SO much :)

  • Aaron L

    Well thats not the only reason. The biggest reason of course are Lauras recaps, they take the cake ;)

    • FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYWHERE.

      …everywhere that Greyhound can get you, at least.

  • Omg, I just got here… Through your reviews for Orphan Black … Which I am only two full episodes into so far but I’m catching up.

    I am now fully wigging over your GoT reviews, Loling my AO at your fun style of writing.

    “We can have you carried ” is probably the most menace-laden line in the whole series so far. I’ve also not read the books, and thanks for no spoilers, but Oh how I predict Tywin has a horrible fate in store for Joffrey. The more Joffrey’s character grows and develops, the more I despise the cruel punk, he’s the exact schoolyard bully that everyone loves to see brought low. Letting a mob tear him apart and toss his limbs in the air wouldn’t be near enough.

    I never ever ever comment on blogs but HDJM is one of the best things on the net…

    • Hello!! I’m so glad you decided to come here and settle in! And you are TOTALLY SAFE here, let me tell you. No jerks, no spoilers, all passion and excitement and great discussion. :)

      I totally agree with you that Tywin has plans for Joffrey. I think it’s more along the lines of keeping him under a strong thumb, but Joffrey is going to surprise us all, I think, and actually thrive the older he gets. And he’s SUCH a git.