Hannibal 1.08: Fromage

title

Hannibal airs Thursdays at 10pm on NBC

PREVIOUSLY: HAHA I think Hugh Dancy did the PREVIOUSLY ON HANNIBAL voiceover this time but I literally said “who the fuck was that.” to my computer so IDK. Hannibal tried his damnedest to put Will out to sea with nothing but Hannibal himself as a paddle; Alana had morals as well as a sense of professional ethics; Will was super duper attracted to that, and also her pretty hair and steely yet comforting gaze; Franklin introduced Hannibal to his cute boyfriend Tobias (Demore Barnes); Franklin also is in love with Hannibal pretty hard.

WILL’S ADORABLE HOUSE IN WOLF TRAP, VIRGINIA

WILL IS DOING FOXY FUCKING BOAT MOTOR REPAIRS IN HIS BEDROOM, SURROUNDED BY CONTENT PUPPIES. This is, literally, my dream (I wanted to fix boats for a long time, shut up). Speaking of, he is super dreamy.

He is also hearing the sounds of a puppy in distress.

Will Graham's batsignal is that youtube video of the chunky French bulldog puppy that can't roll over.

Will Graham’s batsignal is that youtube video of the puppy that can’t roll over.

He does the hilarious (and instantly recognizable, if you’ve got more than one dog) (I live with three, plus my dad has four, and I grew up on a farm where we had thirteen dogs at one point, and never less than six) doggy head count move and takes inventory to make sure all of them are there. They are.

I have taken the liberty of naming all of the dogs. Here are their real names.

I have taken the liberty of naming all of the dogs because I don’t know if Bryan Fuller has. Here are their names.

And here are their jerkwad names. (All dogs have at least one jerkwad name, used when they're being jerkwads.)

Or, alternately, the names they might answer to if they are as terrible as my dogs (who have been called all of these things at least once).

Please note that the floors are authentically filthy and covered in dog pawprints.

Will goes back to the motor, but he hears the puppy in distress again. It sounds like it’s being attacked, so he throws on a jacket and goes outside in the snow to find it. The noises stop once he gets a little ways away from his house. He stares out over the fields and into the forest, confused.

PROTIP: if dogs are fighting, grab them by the hind legs and pull them backwards!

MUSIC LESSONS IN A STRING SHOP

A kid plays a song I recognize but can’t name, and he’s not doing it too well I guess. He complains to Tobias that the strings are too advanced for him, and Tobias tells him that he needs to learn “how to bow authentic strings.” The kid asks him if the strings are really made of catgut, and Tobias smiles when he says “Not always.” DUDE. YOU’RE HANNIBALING.

We are treated to a weirdly pretty and hypnotic little montage of Tobias making strings out of a dead guy’s intestines. The kid starts playing well, and Tobias says “That’s better. Good.” in such a weird way that I’m expecting Chris Hansen to rappel in from the ceiling.

CREDITS

OUTSIDE WILL’S HOUSE IN WOLF TRAP, VIRGINIA

“If it wasn’t a coyote, the coyotes probably got it. They probably got it even if it was a coyote.” Will says. His hat, vest, and sweater combo are adorably unflattering.

Alana picks her way over the snow and dead grass to walk next to Will. “You’re not expecting to find it alive, are you?” she asks.

“We’d be lucky to find a paw.”

“You invited me over to help you collect animal parts?”

Will says he invited her over on the off chance it was still alive, because wrangling a wounded animal is easier with two people. He’s then like “DID YOU THINK IT WAS A DATE HAHA BECAUSE IT WASN’T IT TOTALLY WASN’T” and Alana’s like “No, I didn’t?” and Will’s like “…WHY NOT :[”

does this seduction strategy work for you a lot, wilhelm?

does this seduction strategy work for you a lot

Alana says he just doesn’t seem like the type who dates. He clutches his chest in mock offense and says “Too broken to date?”

Alana smiles at how supremely dorky he is and says “You’re not broken.” He asks what her excuse is, and she says dating just seems like something for somebody else. That’s what I’m gonna start telling my grandparents now when they bug me about how unmarried I am: “Dating is for other people. Eating corndogs in my underpants at 1 a.m. is for me.”

She says she’s sure she’ll become that somebody someday, but right now she “thinks too much.”

Will asks if she’s gonna stop thinking or just wait for it to happen naturally, which–he is just NAILING this “charm a lady” thing.

MY SWEET AWKWARD NUGGETS <3

MY SWEET AWKWARD NUGGETS <3[/caption] They stop walking. Will looks confused, and tells Alana that he doesn't see anything, and no tracks except the ones they made. HANNIBAL LECTER’S SEX OFFICE

Hannibal invites Franklin in for their session. Franklin passive-aggressively says that since Hannibal won’t feed him strawberries on the beach at midnight, Franklin has decided to look at his friends through Hannibal’s eyes, “Imagining what your diagnoses might be.”

Hannibal: “So you’ve become the psychoanalyst.”

[caption id="attachment_12248" align="aligncenter" width="500"]"I've become you." “I’ve become you.”

"LOL"

“LOL”

Hannibal asks who he’s psychoanalyzing.

“My friend Tobias. I Googled psychopaths–went down the checklist, and was a little surprised to see how many boxes I had checked.”

“Why were you so curious to Google?”

YEAH FRANKLIN WHY WERE YOU SO CURIOUS TO GOOGLE? WHAT DID YOU DO TO AROUSE GOOGLE’S CURIOSITY? That line was weird, and I have the worst grammar skills on the planet.

Here’s the most complete version of Hare’s psychopathy checklist I could find, if you’re similarly curious. I scored a 25 because I’m a shitty person. HOWEVER I’m not a psychopath so yay! One of my dogs is, though. It’s this one:

gracias to my roommate/bff chelsea for bestowing this upon me, and now on you

gracias to my roommate/bff chelsea for bestowing this upon me, and now on you

“He’s been saying very dark things, and then saying ‘Just kidding!'” Franklin says. “A lot. It started to seem kind of crazy.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A SAMPLE CONVERSATION

[Franklin and Tobias are having brunch]

Tobias: I want to peel your skin off like a potato and wear it like a potato skin on my body.

Franklin: Do you think Hannibal will like this macaroni art I made him???

Tobias: You spend a lot of time thinking about your therapist. It’s weird, and maybe you should consider seeing someone else. [Notices Franklin’s look of despair] Jesus, just kidding!

Franklin: /furiously googles psychopathy checklist

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hannibal says that psychopaths aren’t crazy. “They’re fully aware of what they do and the consequences of those actions.”

Franklin asks if Hannibal would diagnose someone like Tobias as a psychopath. Dude. Franklin. He literally met Tobias once when they shook hands during one of your stalking escapades. Chill. Franklin then asks if Hannibal’s even supposed to diagnose other people in front of patients. “Do you want to just talk about me?”

Hannibal: Not at all.

AHAHAHAHAHA. FACE, FRANKLIN.

Franklin immediately gets insulted and asks if Hannibal’s bored with him, and Hannibal reminds him that it’s his hour, and they’ll talk about what Franklin wants, but that Hannibal can’t diagnose Tobias–only Franklin’s perception of Tobias, which is fine because it might help Franklin get to know himself better. “You could be projecting onto him what you consider to be your flaws.”

Franklin, concerned: Does that mean I’m a psychopath?

Hannibal: You are not a psychopath. Although, you may be attracted to them.

BALTIMORE OPERA HAUS, BALTIMORE, MARYLAND

“The victim is Douglas Wilson, a member of the Baltimore Metropolitan Orchestra. Brass section. Trombone player.” Jack says.

The victim is also a cello, with his throat flayed open to expose his vocal cords and the neck of an instrument shoved into his mouth. He’s in a chair in the middle of the stage.

“His killer brought him here to put on a show.” Will says, staring at the body.

Jack asks Will if it’s just him, or does it becoming easier for Will to look? Will says that he tells himself it’s a purely intellectual exercise, and Jack assures him that that’s exactly what it should be. Will snaps that this doesn’t mean it actually is easier, and pops a couple of pills.

“I shake it off. Keep on looking.”

Jack’s like “Good. Shred your psyche a little bit more, we’ll come back when you’re ready for us.”

Jack and Katz exit stage right and leave Will alone with the body and this stellar fucking lighting.

I don't know how he doesn't just reach out and pluck one of the vocal cords I MEAN HOW DO YOU RESIST THAT.

I don’t know why he doesn’t just reach out and pluck one of the vocal cords I MEAN HOW DO YOU RESIST THAT.

haha i'm sorry for this cap

haha i’m sorry for this cap

Will enters his mind palace. He backs off of the stage, doing a cute little backwards frog leap move, and sits in the front row of seats with his arms stretched out on the two beside him. The victim’s throat closes up, and Will is suddenly in Tobias’s workshop.

I open his throat from the outside to access the trachea, and expose the vocal cords. I open his throat from the inside, using the neck of a cello. Powder on the wound? Rosin from the bow. I wanted to play him. I wanted to create a sound. My sound. This…is my design.

And then Will…plays the body. It sounds like the end of the world.

He doesn’t get five seconds in before he hears clapping and stops. Garrett Jacob Hobbs is in the audience, under a spotlight.

goddammit

goddammit

DR. BEDELIA DU MAURIER’S HOUSE/OFFICE

Hannibal expresses his concern (lol) that Franklin’s obsession with him is interfering with Franklin’s progress that was obviously coming along so well. He says he wants to refer Franklin to another doctor.

“Referrals can be complicated. I referred you to another psychiatrist, but you refused.”

“I am more tenacious than Franklin.”

"LOL"

“LOL”

Also, Hannibal, you haven’t referred him yet. You don’t know if you’re more tenacious.

Bedelia asks why he’s so tenacious, and Hannibal says, easily: “I feel protective of you. You support me as a colleague, and psychiatrist, and as a human being. I want to be supportive of you, after what happened.”

“I’m not the only psychiatrist who’s ever been attacked by a patient.”

Hannibal tells her he hesitated to even bring up Franklin’s obsessive behavior, and Bedelia shuts that shit down immediately: “Hannibal. I’m your psychiatrist. You’re not mine.”

ilu bedelia.

BAU ANALYSIS LAB OF ANALYZING WHY KATZ AND WILL (AND CRAZY) ARE THE THREE BEST FRIENDS THAT ANYBODY COULD HAVE

Will stares glumly/PTSDly into the middle distance while Katz, Price, and FUCKIN ZELLER discuss the body right next to him. Along with rosin powder, they apparently found sodium carbonate, sulphur dioxide, lye, and olive oil in the wounds. They can’t figure out what the olive oil was for, but the sodium carbonate, as fuckin’ Zeller informs us, was to “harden the vocal cords.”

“It made them easier to play.” Will adds quietly, then glares over at the body. “Had to open you up to get a decent sound out of you.” he snarls, then comes back to himself and buries his face in his hands.

i hate it when this happens, but once again, i agree with fuckin' zeller.

i hate it when this happens, but once again, i agree with fuckin’ zeller.

Price and Zeller make super awkward faces, but Katz literally says “You pick it up and can’t play it, he’ll put you down and play you.” HAHA, KATZ. YOU ARE WEIRDER THAN WILL BUT BETTER AT HIDING IT.

“He took the time to whiten the vocal cords before playing them,” either Price or Zeller says, and Will corrects them:

“It’s not about whitening, it’s about increasing the elasticity.”

“He treated the vocal cords the same way you treat catgut string. Yes, I played the violin.” Katz admits, to Price’s apparent delight.

Will theorizes that the killer has killed before, and is a “skilled musician, trying a new instrument.”

Everyone stares uncomfortably at each other. It’s beautiful.

HANNIBAL LECTER’S SEX OFFICE

Will and Hannibal have a session/meeting to talk about boys. Hannibal tells Will that some of the first instruments were flutes made of human bones (but the oldest one is a bird bone).

“This murder was a performance.” Will says.

Hannibal agrees. “Every life is a piece of music. Like music, we are finite events, unique arrangements. Sometimes harmonious, sometimes dissonant.”

“Sometimes not worth hearing again.”

Will says the killer was a “craftsman,” that he was tanning the vocal cords. Hannibal likens it to iron wire being turned into strings.

“Was there olive oil?” Hannibal asks. Will, slightly surprised, says yes.

nice face, princess

nice face, princess

“Whatever sound he was trying to produce, it was an authentic one. Olive oil hasn’t been used in the production of catgut for over a century. It was said to increase the life of the strings, and create a sweeter, more melodic sound.”

Will disagrees. “No, I…I hear what he was playing behind my eyes when I close them.”

“What do you see behind closed eyes?” Hannibal asks.

“MOSTLY DOGS WHO ARE SURFING.” Will doesn’t say.

The vocal cord music starts up again. Will flashes to Hobbs, who is smiling at him, and says “I see myself.” Oh, baby, no.

They try to work out who the killer might have been performing for. Will thinks the killer doesn’t normally kill like this, and that he must be killing for an audience. “I believe he wants to show someone how well he plays.” Will says.

ALL THESE BITCHES ON MY DICK (that's how dudes be gettin sick, hannibal. that's how dicks be gettin DRIPS)

ALL THESE BITCHES ON MY DICK (that’s how dudes be gettin sick, hannibal. that’s how dicks be gettin DRIPS)

HANNIBAL LECTER’S SEX OFFICE, THE NEXT DAY PRESUMABLY

Franklin’s like “You know how I said Tobias was saying weird shit? He said he wanted to ‘cut someone’s throat and play it like a violin.’ AND THEN IT HAPPENED. NOW WHAT.”

Hannibal asks if Franklin believes Tobias did that. Franklin is unsure, and asks if he has to tell someone if he does suspect something. Hannibal asks why he wouldn’t tell, and Franklin, sort of heartbreakingly, goes “I’m always wrong.”

I think the reason I’m so D: about Franklin’s whole existence is that I can identify with him, and honestly I believe everybody does, in some respect. If you’re reading this, you’re likely a bit of a geek/nerd (I’m not a geek/nerd. I see dogs on surfboards when I close my eyes, and they’re all wearing sunglasses. REALLY COOL SUNGLASSES), plagued with some form of anxiety ranging from very mild to a full-blown panic disorder, and likely have at least one famous person you’re secretly like “Yeah, we’d be awesome bros, we’d feed each other strawberries on the beach at midnight CONSTANTLY” about. It’s normal, and there’s no shame in it, but seeing it taken to excess–like Franklin does, like certain fans do–or even just put out in the open, is so uncomfortable and inspires a lot of animosity. There’s just that one little bit of self-awareness keeping all of us from telling people about our Michael Jackson best friendship fantasies, treating our hot psychiatrists like prostitutes, or tweeting pictures of ourselves to Jean-Claude Van Damme in which we are sensually devouring a bunch of corndogs.

I mean.

Wait.

Shut up.

MY POINT IS, I know why I’m so repulsed by Franklin, and in that knowledge comes a kind of grudging affection.

GEE I HOPE NOTHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS TO HIM NOW THAT I’VE COME TO THIS REALIZATION.

“Why would he say something like that to me?” Franklin asks.

“Why do you think?”

Franklin stares for a moment, then resignedly says “Because he knows I’d tell you.” See? Franklin is smart. He’s just misguided and in love with a couple of hot psychopaths who resent him. Who hasn’t been there?

CHORDOPHONE STRING SHOPPE, BALTIMORE, MARYLAND

our boy hannibal is having a hard time with the ombre trend

our boy hannibal is having a hard time with the ombre trend

Hannibal goes into Tobias’s store, catching hold of the bell so it doesn’t ring when he shuts the door behind him. He wanders around, listening to Tobias play in another room. Tobias eventually finds him snooping around and greets him as Franklin’s therapist. When Tobias mentions he didn’t hear Hannibal come in, Hannibal sweetly says he didn’t want Tobias to stop playing.

They shoot veiled innuendos about music back and forth for a little while, generally looking and acting like two sexy leopards circling each other, and Hannibal eventually lets a little of the FUCKIN’ WEIRDO out to make Tobias comfortable when he says the orchestra’s probably better off with the trombonist dead. Tobias asks why Hannibal’s there “looking for [cat]gut,” and Hannibal says “My harpsichord needs new strings. It’s making an awful noise. Perhaps you could help.”

THE SEDUCTION BEGINS. Petition for "My harpsichord needs new strings" to become a pickup line.

THE SEDUCTION BEGINS. Petition for “My harpsichord needs new strings” to become a pickup line.

WILL’S ADORABLE HOUSE OF HALLUCINATIONS

Will is tying off a fly-fishing lure when he hears a scrabbling noise in his chimney.

CONFESSION: I’ve had an animal living in the ceiling above my bedroom for several months now, so just imagine a fatass squirrel Riverdancing it up at 3 AM most mornings, right over your head. Sometimes I hit the ceiling with something and go like STOP DANCING but it just starts dancing harder. I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW DIFFICULT MY LIFE IS.

When Will looks back at the chimney, none of the 188 dogs laying on the floor in front of it take any notice of the scrabbling. Ruh roh. Will goes over to check it out in his cute vest and henley combo.

There’s a fade to black, and when it comes back, Will has busted a hole in his wall and found precisely zero trapped animals. Alana Bloom is also suddenly standing there, in a cute red coat. She was apparently just passing by on her way home, though I doubt she’d live so far away from Quantico that she’d pass Will’s house. Will mentions that she was never alone in a room with him, and she says she obviously wasn’t slick enough about it. But now they can be in a room together. Because he is not her patient. And they are MAKING OUT YAY ALSO BEAUTIFUL NOSES BONKING HOORAY. If you are interested in the mack daddy originator of my Thing about noses bonking, Farscape is basically it.

I'm a sucker for a good nose touch.

I’m a sucker for a good nose touch.

Alana pulls away almost immediately. Will begs her to stop thinking so much, but she says that she wouldn’t be able to do that if they were intimate. She also tells him that way she is in relationships isn’t compatible with the way he is, and Will kisses her again. She stops it again, and says that if a patient came to her with this situation, she’d tell them not to do it. “I have to take my own advice.” AND SHE LEAVES. WILL IS THE MOST DISTRAUGHT EVER. I haaaaate responsible adults ugh. But I am so glad that this show is AMAZING with its (living) female characters–are there any other shows you can think of where she wouldn’t have stayed, despite her misgivings (and established characterization as a compassionate person, dedicated to helping people in a way that’s best for them, with solid and appropriate boundaries in place to protect her, her patients, and her friends)? I can’t think of any. Good job, writing team.

BUT NOW THERE IS A REALLY SAD THING THAT I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE UNTIL MY SECOND VIEWING, AND IT HAS BEEN OUTLINED AND PROOFED BY SOMEONE WAY SMARTER THAN ME HERE. (Although we do hear her walk away and shut the door behind her, but all the other points still stand.)

HANNIBAL LECTER’S SEX DINING ROOM

Hannibal offers Tobias more wine, “a late harvest Vidal from Linden.”

“Virginia. I thought it was French.” Tobias says.

“The Virginian wine revolution is upon us.”

Haha, is it? Okay.

Hannibal says “I apologize for being so blunt, Tobias, but I have to ask–did you kill that trombonist?”

Tobias flirts back “Do you really have to ask?”

“No. I was changing the subject.”

“Franklin gave you my message.”

Hannibal tells Tobias that the murder is being investigated by the FBI. Tobias is fine with that, which leads Hannibal to assume he wants to get caught. Nope, Tobias is planning on murdering anyone they send after him (he owns a string shop, obviously he would be questioned at the very least), and then killing Franklin and disappearing.

“Don’t kill Franklin.” Hannibal says, hilariously.

“I’ve been looking forward to it.” Tobias leans in. “Actually, I was going to kill you.”

“Of course you were. I’m lean. Lean animals yield the toughest gut. What stopped you?”

Tobias tells Hannibal that he followed Hannibal on the night he killed the medical guy and cut him in half at the bus depot. Hannibal stills, then says “You’re reckless, Tobias.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone what I saw you do, and do well. So my recklessness doesn’t concern you.”

Hannibal gets up to get more wine, and tells Tobias “It concerns me because you won’t be drawing attention just to yourself.”

Tobias gets up and glares at the back of Hannibal’s head until Hannibal turns around. Tobias says he wants to be friends with Hannibal, on account of their similar worldviews. Hannibal’s like “I understand, but I don’t want to be your friend.”

“Then why did you invite me here? It wasn’t just to restring your harpsichord.” Tobias, that sounds filthy.

Tobias has been BETRAYALED. He is DOUBLE BETRAYALED when Hannibal says he was going to kill Tobias, too. Tobias glances at the food, but Hannibal says “I didn’t poison you, Tobias, I wouldn’t do that to the food.”

The doorbell rings. Tobias is like “Who in the fuck” and Hannibal’s like “Probably it’s this guy Will, he’s always popping up in my house at weird hours. YOU SHOULD MEET HIM SOMETIME. I’M GONNA ENGINEER THIS SO DEVIOUSLY.”

Hannibal goes to answer the door, leaving Tobias to escape out the back doors.

Will takes off his jacket and like throws it on the ground. “I kissed Alana Bloom.” he grumbles, shooting past Hannibal and heading toward the kitchen.

Hannibal stares at the jacket on the floor. “Well. Come in.” he says, basically to the jacket and the empty space Will left behind. HAHA. I’m fucking dying.

Hannibal follows Will into the kitchen, past the half-eaten plates in the dining room. Hannibal makes up some bullshit about his dinner companion having an urgent call WHICH APPARENTLY LED THEM TO RUN OUT THROUGH THE WRONG DOORS INTO THE SNOW BUT WHATEVER IT WORKS OUT BECAUSE NOW Hannibal’s got dessert for Will. Which means he was probably planning on letting Tobias live through dessert, even after threatening to kill him. This classy asshole.

Also, please take a moment to observe this goddamn adorable outfit.

Also, please take a moment to observe this goddamn adorable outfit.

Hannibal takes what looks like two bread puddings out of his fancy oven. I BET THAT COOKWARE IS LIKE LE CREUSET UGH WANT. (I just looked at food stylist Janice Poon’s delightful blog to see what the food was tonight, and it totally is bread pudding! YAY I CAN IDENTIFY VERY OBVIOUS DESSERT FOODS. Also, that’s one of my favorite blogs now. There’s recipes!)

I’ve watched this scene five times now and I keep forgetting to note down the dialogue because the food looks so good.

“So. What was Alana’s reaction?” Hannibal asks.

“She wouldn’t be good for me, and I wouldn’t be good for her.” Will answers.

“I don’t disagree. She would feel an obligation to her field of study to observe you, and you would resent her for it.”

“I KNOW.” Will says, exactly like that.

“Wondering then why you kissed her, and felt compelled to drive an hour in the snow to tell me about it.”

The bitchy-casual way Mads Mikkelsen delivers this line is comedy gold. IT’S OKAY, HANNIBAL, IT’S YOUR BREAD PUDDING HE’S EATING TONIGHT.

“I’ve wanted to kiss her since I’ve met her. She’s very kissable.” Will says adorably. Hannibal smiles and sort of agrees. But I mean, come on. WHO DOESN’T WANT TO KISS ALANA AT THIS POINT? SHE IS WONDERFUL.

“You waited a long time. Which suggests you were kissing her for a reason, in addition to wanting to?” Hannibal prompts, spooning chilled cream on top of the puddings.

“I heard an animal trapped in my chimney.”

there is not a single universe in all of the parallel universes that exist in which that is an appropriate answer to my question william

there is not a single universe in all of the parallel universes that potentially exist in which that is an appropriate answer to my question william

Hannibal literally stops stirring for a second and makes this face, totally baffled as to why he still wants to feed Will Graham strawberries on a beach at midnight.

“I broke through the wall to get it out, didn’t find anything inside. Alana showed up, she looked at me–maybe her face changed, I don’t know. But, um, she knew…”

“What did she know, Will?” Hannibal asks.

“There was no animal in my chimney. It was only in my head.” Will steps up to the counter. “I sleepwalk, I get headaches, I am…hearing things. I feel unstable.”

Will shakes the whole time he’s speaking, his mouth actually trembling. He sort of whispers the last part, like he can’t even stand to hear himself say it. OH MY GOD BABY I’M SO SORRY I MADE FUN OF YOU.

“That’s why you kissed her. A clutch for balance.” Hannibal tells him. He also says that what Will does isn’t good for him.

“Double durrburger with jeez.” says everyone. Hannibal’s like I FUCKING KNOW I’M TRYING TO DO A THING HERE SHUT THE FUCK UP.

“Unfortunately, I am good for it.”

“Are you still hearing this killer’s serenade behind your eyes?” Hannibal asks.

Will chuckles sadly. “Well, it’s our song.”

Hannibal’s head snaps up. Tobias might become a Manwich for this.

Tobias is about to become a Manwich.

No. I am the only one who has a song with you. And that song is Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater.”

Hannibal passes Will his bread pudding, and Will manages a brief smile as he takes it. This next part is fucking awful, so here is a picture of the delicious bread pudding to make it better.

Hannibal feeds Will some information about Tobias--who, remember, PROMISED TO MURDER ANYONE WHO CAME AFTER HIM--in a very kind and caring Concerned Citizen way.

Hannibal feeds Will some information about Tobias–who, remember, PROMISED TO MURDER ANYONE WHO CAME AFTER HIM–in a very kind and caring Concerned Citizen way.

Will freaks out a little bit, asking for more details.

“He owns a music store in Baltimore, specializing in stringed instruments. Perhaps you should interview him.” Hannibal says. MOTHERFUCKERRRRR.

DR. BEDELIA DU MAURIER’S SEX HOUSE/OFFICE

“For the first time in a long while, I see the possibility of friendship.” Hannibal says.

“Is there someone new in your life?” Bedelia asks.

“I met a man.”

Bedelia’s like “Haha, phrasing.” Hannibal explains that he doesn’t want to be friends with this man, but is curious about him–and that made him start thinking about friendship. The friend he wants to have is “a colleague and a patient, not unlike how I am a colleague and a patient of yours. We’ve discussed him before.”

Bedelia says “Will Graham.”

Hannibal continues with “He’s nothing like me. We see the world in different ways, yet he can assume my point of view.”

“By profiling the criminally insane.” Bedelia says, gently amused.

“As good a demonstration as any. I find it reassuring.”

Bedelia tells him it’s good when people really see us, and when we can build trust with them. Hannibal says she’s helped him understand what he wants in a friend, and she says “Someone worthy of your friendship.”

“Yes.” Hannibal says immediately, definitely filing that away to taunt Will with later, when everything falls apart.

She says Hannibal is always building walls. “It’s natural to want to see if someone is…clever enough to climb over them.”

CHORDOPHONE STRING SHOPPE

Tobias shows his student out just as Will and two Baltimore PD officers come inside. Will introduces himself. Tobias asks what he can help Will with, and then immediately sets to work not hiding the fact that he’s a murderer AT ALL. He gives details of the murder that weren’t in the press, and Will’s like I AM NOT USED TO IT BEING THIS EASY SO I’M GONNA ACT WEIRD AND JUMPY NOW OK? OK.

Tobias acts weird about strings until Will hallucinates another puppy in distress, this time getting hit by a car outside. He asks if anyone else heard that, basically rhetorically at this point, and one of the officers goes “I didn’t hear anything.” Will’s like THANKS OFFICER FUCKFACE and excuses himself from the murderer he knows is in front of him to go find the dog he knows isn’t there.

Tobias puts the catgut he was holding down next to a metal spike on the desk. Will comes back inside after running around in traffic, and the cops and Tobias are all missing. Will finds one officer dead with the spike through his neck, and calls for an ERT before wandering around the FUCKING TERRIFYING BASEMENT ALL BY HIMSELF JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WILL THIS IS WHY YOU’RE JUST A SPECIAL AGENT.

Will walks around the drippy stringmaking workshop until he finds the second officer, dead and with wires embedded in the flesh of his face. He is, of course, attacked from behind by Tobias, who garottes his whole body with wire. Which will definitely fuck you up, but it’s probably best to get it around the neck instead of, like, the chest where clothes are. Will gets his gun up between their heads and fires, blowing a chunk of Tobias’s ear off and deafening both of them.

Tobias makes a run for it as Will stumbles after him, firing wildly while his ears ring.

HANNIBAL LECTER’S SEX OFFICE

“Nine. Nine times. I can count on two hands the number of times I’ve been dumped by a psychiatrist!” Franklin says.

“I’m sorry, Franklin, but I think you should see another doctor.”

“You’re giving me a referral? YOU WERE A REFERRAL.” Ouch.

Hannibal says Franklin focuses too much on his therapist, not enough on his therapy.

“You lost respect for me because I wouldn’t report Tobias, didn’t you.” Franklin says.

“I didn’t respect you,” Hannibal does not assure him.

“Report Tobias for what?” Tobias asks as he walks through the door.

Franklin gets up, concerned. “Is that your blood?” he asks.

“I just killed two men.” Tobias answers. Hannibal looks briefly chagrined. EXCUSE ME BITCH YOU SENT WILL INTO THAT TRAP, JUST LIKE YOU’VE SENT HIM INTO LIKE EVERY OTHER TRAP HE’S BEEN IN ON THIS SHOW. “The police came to question me about the murder.”

Franklin steps forward and says “You have to give yourself up right now.” This totally surprises Hannibal, and also me. He launches into some weird metaphor about how Tobias’s plane is going down and he should at least let it be a controlled descent.

Hannibal’s like “Franklin, I want you to leave.” BUT FRANKLIN DOES NOT. FRANKLIN. I LIKE YOU NOW. PLEASE GO.

Franklin starts trying to reason with Tobias, trying to get him to give himself up because he can be rehabilitated. It’s sort of touching, but when he gets to the part about how “nothing has happened in our relationship that can’t–” Hannibal breaks his neck. :( Adios, Franklin. Dan Fogler, you were great.

“I was looking forward to that.” Tobias says.

“I saved you the trouble.” Hannibal answers. I like to think he didn’t really do it out of any hatred for Franklin, but to keep Tobias from making it nasty for Franklin.

Tobias drops his jacket and lets a length of wire spool out of his hand. Hannibal’s like “NOPE” when Tobias starts whipping it around. FUCK YES I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ALL SEASON. I’m a douchey fight nerd, so I live for this shit.

It’s an awesome fight. Mads Mikkelsen was a dancer, and dancers are usually excellent at martial arts (well, fight scenes, too). It’s nasty but really fluid and elegant, even when the relatively graceless “slam glass furniture into your opponent’s head” move is employed. Hannibal takes a stab to the leg from his huge letter opener, and almost takes one to the neck before he gets ahold of a pen and shanks Tobias in the arm. They start actually fistfighting after that, trading blows until Tobias gets him up against the ladder. PICTURES CAN’T DO THIS JUSTICE, OBVIOUSLY, SO HERE’S SOME GIFS.

Tobias swings at Hannibal’s face, but Hannibal dodges and Tobias lands between the rungs of the ladder. Hannibal breaks his arm, then his trachea. While Tobias coughs and wheezes on the floor, Hannibal pulls out his handkerchief, picks up his giant stag statue, and slams it down on Tobias’s head, killing him. He then daintily tips the stand over.

"THIS WAS DEFINITELY NECESSARY."

“THIS WAS DEFINITELY NECESSARY.”

I’ll admit to not understanding why he kept his fingerprints off of the stag statue and the stand. I thought it might have been to make it look like it fell, but the threw it down hard enough that there’s no way to mistake it for “Oh, the statue just fell.” And the stand? I feel like it’s something that’ll be explained soon though, IDK.

Hannibal carefully replaces his pocket square and limps over to his harpsichord, playing the opening notes of the Goldberg Variations. The music continues over the next scene, where the FBI and coroner’s office are cleaning up. Hannibal sadly applies pressure to his thigh wound, working up some hilarious fake tears for when Jack and Will stroll in. Jack’s face is like this:

SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK

SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK

But when Will comes in, he looks like he actually just watched a puppy get hurt somehow. :(

Hannibal exhales slightly, honestly glad to see him still alive (BUT ALSO TOTALLY HAVING FORGOTTEN HE WAS THE ONE WHO SENT HIM TO GET TURNED INTO A VIOLA)(VIOLATED, IF YOU WILL)(BUT YOU SHOULDN’T).

“I was worried you were dead.” Hannibal says. Will doesn’t answer, because he looks like he’s having one of those moments where if he opens his mouth, he’ll cry.

“Tobias Budge killed two Baltimore police officers, nearly killed an FBI Special Agent, and his first stop after that was here.” Jack says.

“He came to kill my patient.” Hannibal answers truthfully.

“Your patient, is that who Budge was serenading?” Will asks.

“I don’t know. Franklin knew more than he was telling me. He told Mr. Budge that he didn’t have to kill anymore. Then he broke Franklin’s neck, and attacked me.” Hannibal answers.

“And you killed him?” Jack asks.

“Yes.” Hannibal answers, so quietly it’s not even a whisper. Ohhhh you dick.

Will asks if Franklin had something to do with it, and Hannibal said he thought it was just Franklin’s poor choice in friends.

“It doesn’t feel simple to me.” Jack says, walking away.

Will sits on the edge of Hannibal’s desk.

The spatial politics with regards to how characters relate to each other in this show are really interesting and well thought-out.

The spatial politics with regards to how characters relate to each other in this show are really interesting and well thought-out.

“I feel like I’ve dragged you into my world.” Will says apologetically.

“I got here on my own. But I appreciate the company.” Hannibal answers. He gets another small smile out of Will. I BET THIS TRICKY BITCH COULD HAVE ENDED THE FIGHT IN LIKE 10 SECONDS BUT GOT HIMSELF BEAT UP AND STABBED SO WILL WOULD FEEL EVEN GUILTIER.

DR. BEDELIA DU MAURIER’S SEX OFFICE/HOUSE

Hannibal tells her he’s ready to start seeing patients again. Bedelia’s all “After like three days? Good plan.”

Hannibal lays it on thick. “Patients will sit where Franklin died. I will sit where I almost died, and offer therapy. It’s easy to understand why you retired after you were attacked.”

Bedelia’s “Are you shitting me?” face reveals that she knows his whole fucking manipulation game, even if she doesn’t know why he’s playing it. I’m so, so excited to find out more about her character and see where she fits in within the mythology of the show.

“Will you ever feel comfortable returning to psychiatric work?” Hannibal asks.

“This is psychiatric work.” Bedelia answers coolly.

“One patient is hardly a practice.”

She doesn’t dignify that with a response. Hannibal says he feels guilty about what happened to Franklin, and Bedelia tiredly tells him that every human being has an “intrinsic responsibility” for their own life, and that others can’t assume it for them.

Hannibal asks if she took responsibility when she was attacked by her patient. “Yes.” she says. “But I don’t take responsibility for his death.”

“Nor should you.” Hannibal answers. Basically he could have said “I murdered him for you.” and it would have been less sketchy than that.

HANNIBAL. YOU’RE HANNIBALING AGAIN.

DISCUSSION TOPICS:

(FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS ALL OR SOME OR NONE OF THESE! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE EPISODE TOO!)

+Hallucinations are relatively normal, even among people with no illnesses that might cause them. Do you have any? I have frequent (like, daily) visual and auditory hallucinations that are mostly just annoying but sometimes super freaky.

+WHAT IS UP WITH DR. DU MAURIER?

+Do you think Alana was a hallucination in this episode?

+Did you feel like the Tobias thing ended a little quickly? I think he could have been a decent adversary for Hannibal for at least another episode, but on the other hand, I’m glad this isn’t like most shows that would have dragged his arc out foreverrrrrr.

+Are you as bummed about Franklin dying as soon as he showed some mettle as I am?

+ARE YOU AS BUMMED THAT I USED THE WORD METTLE AS I AM???

+Anybody else feel like this episode needed more Jack and Team Science?

+Did you guys participate in the #eattherude thingy? It was pretty fun!

SEE Y’ALL NEXT WEEK!

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