All hell breaks loose as Walt’s retirement plans are ruined as certain facts come to light by those around him. He’s not going down without a fight, though. Honestly, it’s like Game of Thrones if the Iron Throne was in Albuquerque.
So what’s happening to Walt’s ol’ drug empire anyway, now that Lydia had the former drug crew murdered last week in an orgy of blood and screaming? As Todd lets Walt know in a voicemail, the business is under new management. In fact, he meets with the new bosses that very day, two characters who express their lifestyle choices via swastikas and sketchy mustaches. Todd, being Todd – bless his heart – is regaling our new thugpreneurs with the story of The Great Train Robbery, complete with the names of his accomplices. That being: Mr. White and Jesse. Good lord, Todd! Do you not remember killing that boy just so nobody would find out about said GTR?? And now you’re blabbing to the first fake-friendly faces you see? Who, by the look they shared with the waitress, are possibly undercover DEA agents at best, and heartless killers at worst? Son, you need to give your head a shake. Regardless of his intellectual deficiencies, Todd’s finally got job as the cook du jour of the famous Heisenberg blue. I’m sure it will end well, aren’t you?
Let’s go back to Jesse in the DEA interrogation room where we left him at the end of the last show. The agents questioning him are nothing more than white noise and blurred colours to him, but when Hank comes in, turns off the camera, and informs Jesse that he’s figured out Heisenberg is Walter White, that perks Jesse up a tad. Poor Jesse. Just like Walt, Hank tries to play him the same way, telling Jesse how seeing Walt go to jail would be such sweet revenge for all the times Walt treated him badly. Jesse knows it’s true, but he also knows Hank is a douche nozzle and Hank isn’t even close to getting Jesse to turn on Walt when Saul comes busting in the door to save the day with Agents Tall and Taller on his heels. Needless to say, that’s the end of that conversation. Saul chews out Jesse for being a horrible druglord, very much refusing to accept Jesse’s request to just chill already. There will be no chills, friend!
Walt gets the inevitable call from Saul to update him on Jesse’s latest shenanigans. He of course already has Plan B for what to do with Jesse if the payoff didn’t work (hint: it didn’t work). Back in the thick of things, Walt has a dilly of a time trying to revert back to Good Dad mode when Jr. comes home, but he tries his best, dabbing on some Scab-B-Gone makeup over his eye wound where Hank punched the bejesus out of him the day before. When Jr. informs him that Aunt Marie called and wants him to come over to help her with that pesky computer of hers, Walt forgets all about his eyes. In fact, he forgets about being human altogether and instantly thinks it would be a swell idea to use the recurrence of his cancer to scare Jr. into staying home just in case Walt dies while Jr. is out. It works, and also terrifies Jr. to tears. The cad! The monster! There is no level to which Walt will not stoop to save his own skinny ass. To what end I couldn’t say, since he’s dying for pete’s sake. Maybe it’s all just an elaborate game of chess to him, and he’s going to win at all costs. It’s all he has left, isn’t it?
Marie’s new to this game of cat and mouse, so she’s surprised and sad that her ruse to get Walt “Flynn” Jr. into her clutches didn’t pan out. Even so, she seems to be on the right track when she yells at Hank for not telling TPTB about what he knows concerning Walt. She’s sure that it will only get Hank into more trouble because he waited so long to tell. Oh, Marie. You don’t know the half of it.
Back at home, Walt convinces Skyler that there’s only one way to conclusively deal with Hank and Marie, and that’s by making a video of Walt…confessing?! Wait, what?
They arrange to meet Hank and Marie at a festive little Mexican restaurant, where they make the guacamole right at your table! Mmm…guacamole. But I digress. Once they scare off Trent the peppy waiter with their grim expressions (although Skyler is downright luminous and as gorgeous as she’s ever been – being a villain agrees with her skin), they get down to business. Walt tries gently yet firmly to convince them to drop their crusade against Walt. Hank has no proof. Walt Jr. would be devastated (not that that ever mattered before, but why quibble?). He’s dying so it’s not worth it. Hank and Marie respond with unadulterated venom, saying that Walt Jr. can find out about dear old dad when Hank kicks in their front door to arrest him. Marie is even worse (!) telling Walt that if his death would solve this entire situation, he should just kill himself already and bring it to a swift end. Ouch! Now that Walt knows there’s no talking sense to these zealots, he sadly gives them the CD with his confession on it. There’s nothing more to be said.
Hank and Marie scurry home to watch it, too anxious to even sit down. In the video Walt is tearful and full of remorse. Oh, and guess what? Hank was the mastermind behind the drug empire. Surprise! Fact by fact, Walt twists the true events of the past year to make Hank look like the most vile scumbag that ever scummed. He talked Walt into cooking because he knew Walt was sick and needed the money. He even sold him to Gus! And why do you think Hank was almost assassinated by the twins? Because he’s an eeeevil drug lord, that’s why. He forced Walt to pay for his medical bills with the drug money. When Walt tried to quit, Hank beat him up – look at what he did to Walt’s eye! It was awful. Just awful. Sob! Marie tries to talk Hank into showing the CD to his boss, but Hank is more interested in how Walt paid for all his medical bills. Um…oops?
Saul and Jesse are waiting in the desert (“Ugh, it’s always the desert”), where a tarantula heads right to Jesse like he wants to get his autograph. Hee! Good acting, tarantula. They’re there to meet Walt, of course. Just like every other time, Walt plays Jesse, urging him to leave town and start fresh because it’ll be good for him. Another chance, a way to forget about everything that’s happened. Jesse has a big old breakdown after all of his dead air blank stare silences. He begs Walt to just once be honest with him, to admit he wants Jesse to leave town for his own benefit, or he’ll end up just as dead as Mike. To be HONEST with him. Which is exactly right on all counts. Does Walt have a breakthrough and level with Jesse, finally showing his real face and allowing him to be the real Walter White again for just a moment, for both their sakes? He does not, sir. He slowly puts his arms around Jesse and hugs him tight, proving what a great and loving dad he is. Jesse only resists for so long before he puts his head on Walt’s shoulder and sobs his heart out. It’s truly heartbreaking, and any sympathy I had for Walt is dead and melted in a barrel. I hate that guy, and I want to punch him in his smarmy face.
Hank goes back to work like an idiot, where Gomez gives him hell for putting two agents on Jesse’s tail without talking to him about it. But why would Hank talk to Gomez about this when he doesn’t talk to him about anything ever ever ever? Gomez leaves in a huff, and Hank rushes after him to tell him everything, thus getting someone on his side and throwing a shred of doubt on Walt’s elaborate lies. Haha, just kidding. Gomez really does leave in a huff, though. That part was right.
So Saul sets up Jesse’s a new life for Jesse through his mysterious connections that Walt just about had to use that one time. There’s no take-backs, this is a one-time offer, but Walt’s left him a goodbye parting gift of a couple hundred grand or so to send him on his way in style. Jesse lights up a joint, much to Saul’s disgust. Is he TRYING to screw up this thing? The fixer isn’t going to help him if he’s high as a kite, now is he? Saul tries to convince him that a new start might be a fantastic thing for Jesse, and Jesse actually listens. He wonders if he can go to Alaska, and the first glimmer of hope that shines in his eyes for the first time in forever is gloriously awful. Oh, Jesse! He even gets a commemorative Hello Kitty phone to mark the occasion.
Off he goes to wait on the side of the road for the fixer to pick him up and get him started on cleaning his slate. He lazily feels around for his pot, but it’s not in his pocket. Huell must have taken it. But wait a minute. If Heull pickpocketed the pot without Jesse noticing, does this not mean that Huell pickpocketed the ricin cigarette last season on Walt’s behalf? That had been Jesse’s assumption at the time, but Walt convinced him it wasn’t true, it was Gus that poisoned Brock, not Walt. Jesse had believed him and joined forces with him against Gus. Now that Jesse looks back on it, Walt’s version of the events seem unbelievably self-serving. Suddenly the puzzle pieces start falling into place for him. Jesse abandons his new fantasy life and all hope as he walks away just as the fixer pulls up. There’s no untangling himself from Walter White now.
He storms back into Sauls office, locks the door, and punches Saul before Huell can break in and stop him. Saul scrambles for a gun in his desk, but Jesse gets there first. He holds them off as he screams at Saul to confess. It was Huell that took the ricin cigarette before, wasn’t it? On that asshole Mr. White’s orders? Wasn’t it?! So he could poison Brock, isn’t that right??! Saul confesses that it’s all true. But not his fault because he still has to go on to star in his own show so please don’t shoot him in the face OMG! Jesse, sweaty with rage, takes Saul’s car keys and leaves.
When Walt is informed of Jesse’s new-found clear sight, he rushes to the car wash so he can
fix the pop machine retrieve a gun he left there just in case a long time ago. It’s dusty but the chamber is full. The cold war is over. The real war has no officially begun.
Jesse has been pathetically passive with guilt and angst the last three episodes, but that’s all over now, baby. He drives like a maniac to the White residence and goes inside, as we get to enjoy a gas can-cam view of the walk. He breaks inside by kicking down the door and starts flinging gasoline in every direction. He’s going to make it burn. He’s going to make it all burn.
Walt thought he had problems with Hank finding out the truth? He hasn’t seen anything yet.