Previously on Sleepy Hollow: With Ichabod playing referee, Abbie and Jenny worked together to defeat THE HESSIAN PIANO TEACHER! Eh, technically they defeated some demons trying to rise out of a garbage-bag slickness coming out of a baptismal font, but HESSIAN PIANO TEACHER!
Two ridiculously cute children chase each other in a forest, and right away I shriek nooooooooo! Because forests are automatically full of evil in this show, obviously. It turns out chasing other kids also summons evil. No sooner has the modern-garbed girl disappeared than the colonial-clad boy finds himself run down by a samurai-like horseman. When the boy reaches a modern road, the horseman explodes into black dust in a fit of pique. Sulky, sulky horseman!
Ichabod and Abbie need a second Super Awesome Hideout, so now Sherriff Corbin’s Sekkrit Cabin of Supernatural Objects is Ichabod’s new pad. He agrees they should “spackle” the bullet holes, to which Abbie replies, “You know, you can admit when you don’t know what a word means.”
Words I would like Ichabod to know the meaning of: Poptart. Antidisestablishmentarianism. Boxer Briefs. All right, that last one’s two words. But come on, right? You all saw him in that shower in episode two. Raowr! #SexyHollow
After Ichabod again admonishes Abbie for not having faith (and glances in confusion at the yellow bath puff she’s bought him), he wonders if he looks out of place. “You look good for 200, but a change of clothes wouldn’t hurt,” Abbie says delicately. In other words, YOU SMELL LIKE DEATH, ICHABOD.
“Are you tired of being the babysitter?” Grumpy Ex-Boyfriend Morales asks Abbie when she brings Ichabod to a crime scene. “You know, for a detective, you really don’t have a clue,” she says. Someone call the burn unit! Ichabod discovers the little boy from the opening has freakish black veins all over him (ew) and speaks Middle English (lucky Ichabod minored in that at Uni).
Either this kid goes to a hard-core Waldorf school, or he’s from the past.
While Abbie searches the database of reported abductions, Ichabod plays with some tape and gets huffy when Abbie tries to explain what “John Doe” means. “Any leads I’m going to like?” Captain Irving asks. When he hears the nitty gritty, he channels his Cole Porter, telling Ichabod to “Brush up on your Chaucer, Crane; I need you to question our John Doe.”
Morales has his own sulky suspicions about Ichabod. Captain Irving tells him to keep his eyes on his own work. Also, maybe be a teensy less obvious that you’re super jealous of Ichabod, Morales. Hey, though, let’s turn Morales into something other than just Doubting Ex and Cocky Detective; how the hell else would Abbie have dated him if there isn’t something slightly-non-jerky about him?
Over at the hospital, they’ve already quarantined Black Veins Boy. “This is the stuff of nightmares,” Ichabod says, speaking more about the boy’s fright at all this rather than the ailment the boy might spread. Man, the people from the CDC are cold! Tracking diseases shrivels your heart, apparently. “While you may see in there a nameless faceless source, I see a boy, and I intend to treat him as such,” Ichabod admonishes them.
Ichabod and Thomas Grey speak in an older dialect of English while I am distracted from Thomas’s clues about how he shouldn’t have left home by how many adorable freckles he has! Abbie defaults to thinking the child’s a victim of abuse by someone who kept him locked up and threatened him. But when Ichabod hears the boy’s from Roanoke, he cottons on that Thomas might be from the Lost Colony — the people who settled Roanoke in 1587 who disappeared without a trace.
History lesson time! Back in their regular clubhouse at the station, Ichabod tells Abbie (who was apparently absent the day her grammar school class learned spooky Lost Colony stories) the tale of Governor John White. When White returned from a provision-gathering trip to England, he found everyone in Roanoke had disappeared, including his little granddaughter Virginia Dare, the first American-born English colonist.
“My own circumstance makes me open to the prospect,” Ichabod says evenly when Abbie doesn’t believe Roanoke settlers relocated to Sleepy Hollow, still existing in some parallel dimension Thomas somehow escaped. Oh, Abbie, stop Scullying Ichabod. If it’s supernatural nonsense, IT MUST BE TRUE!
Captain Irving interrupts with news the EMT who treated Thomas is infected. Ichabod worries “the effects could be apocalyptic,” if Thomas is carrying a plague. Meanwhile at the hospital, the poor EMT sees the samurai-like Horseman riding at him in his hospital room and buys the farm.
Abbie and Ichabod head to where the mail carrier discovered Thomas, bantering until Ichabod points out, “Yours isn’t the first generation to invent sarcasm.” When Abbie tries to placate him by asking if Jefferson or Adams was more sarcastic, petulant!Ichabod sniffs, “I’m not saying,” before telling her “Jefferson had an obsession With puns, and Adams kept a notebook of unsavory limericks.” “Seriously?” “Welcome to Roanoke,” Ichabod grins. Psych psych spych!
In the forest, Ichabod pooh-poohs Abbie’s smartphone compass and GPS, figuring out Thomas’s trail from a spider web broken at the boy’s height and footprints. “Look at you, coppin’ some ‘tude!” Abbie says archly. Back at the station, Morales’s partner thinks they should keep their heads down and follow orders. Forget it, Morales. It’s Sleepy Hollow.
When Ichabod tracks using plants that close at human touch, Abbie asks where he got his awesome skills. “Foxhunting,” he admits. He had a “rather regal upbringing; it’s one thing I’m pleased to have left behind.” Okay, MORE OF THIS! More of the differences between Abbie and Ichabod, not just the time/place ones; let’s deal with a former foster kid made cop having to work with a manor-born professor.
Two more people who came into contact with Thomas have fallen ill; Captain Irving’s investigating a “possible bioterrorism angle” and hunting for a potential cult. Mister Cold as Ice CDC mentions Thomas was never inoculated and has completely wacky blood panels. “Because he’s from the Lost Colony of Roanoke!” we all shout. Man, how much time would everyone in this town save if they all voted to believe in supernatural hijinks? SO MUCH TIME!
Ichabod scouts special markings on a tree to indicate a hidden crossing to a tiny island in the woods. Ever the gentleman, he extends a hand to Abbie, sending all the Ichabbie fans to Twitter to exult over this shippy behavior. When they step across, where are they but (*pauses for everyone to join in) THE LOST COLONY OF ROANOKE!
“Crane, they’re all infected,” Abbie says worriedly as people in the village come to greet them chock full of black-vein disease.
“Quite curious,” Ichabod agrees when Abbie notes they don’t seem sick even with signs of Thomas’s infection. Hey, guess what? Roanoke was cursed by the Horseman of Pestilence; the plague killed their youngest, Virginia Dare, first. Maybe her spirit led them to safety. “It’s symptoms cannot affect us here,” but if they cross that damn stream, BOOM, plague-time!
To the accompaniment of spooky happenings at the hospital — the lights flicker; an unseen force tears the hazmat suit of one nurse, infecting her — Ichabod and Abbie realize Thomas has to be returned to the island immediately. “Seems the colonists of Roanoke and I share much in common,” Ichabod observes when Abbie compares the protective spirit of Virginia dare to Katrina keeping Ichabod alive.
Okay, so if Thomas spreads the pestilence, then somehow that will release the Horseman of Pestilence. Nerts! Abbie hears hoof beats nearby; there’s no time to waste accepting a flower from a kid who hasn’t met anyone new in two hundred years!
“The cure seems to lie in the colony,” Ichabod emphasizes, whether it’s the protection of Virginia Dare or something environmental, but Abbie stresses the CDC won’t let them just cart Thomas back over the river and through the woods. “It’s spreading,” Abbie notes when they return to the hospital — spreading even to Ichabod, who’s immediately sedated and transported to Katrina’s Purgatorial plane. “It means you are dead or near to it,” she tells him sadly.
At the biohazard unit, Moales gets a phone call from the History Department at Oxford’s Merton College. They are super dedicated there, calling him past work hours and possibly late at night their time! Anyway, Crane is “indeed a tenured professor here,” on sabbatical and on loan to law enforcement in Sleepy Hollow. Um. WHAT? This to me was the weirdest thing in the entire episode. Was there a space-time-rift mend that made Merton College think Ichabod works there? Did Ichabod get the great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter of a pal to pretend he works there? WHAT?
“You’re hiding something,” Ichabod tells Katrina as a tear runs down her face (nice timing/shot there where a lost soul crosses in front of the camera to obscure the actors briefly).
Why would she be in Purgatory; what could she have done to be consigned there? Also, Moloch is in charge of Purgatory. That just seems like a poor management choice.
Abbie objects to Captain Irving assigning her to managing the fleeing citizens of Sleepy Hollow (sheesh, one plague and everyone packs up and runs); she wants to get Crane and Thomas out of the hospital. When he refuses, she ducks into a nearby room to avoid him and Morales. “What the hell,” Abbie says, resigned to dealing with her Faith with a capital F issues when she realizes she’s in the Hospital Chapel.
Though I think the whole “have faith” / “I don’t have faith!” / “You should have faith!” thing is a bit rushed, Nicole Beharie is wonderfully confrontational as Abbie demanding evidence and signs from a higher power.
Can Crane be saved in New!Roanoke, because it’s trapped in time like he is? Gosh, it would be nice if Crane could visit Roanoke and have tea there every so often; sure, it’s not his era specifically, but when I was in grad school the Renaissance students totally wanted to hang out with the Medievalists (they had way better parties).
When Abbie starts to leave in disappointment, she pauses to let an entering woman dip her fingers in holy water. Why a non-denominational chapel would have Holy Water is a question for another day, but at least it makes Abbie remember the well everyone in New!Roanoke was crowded around. She recalls Crane’s suggestion maybe something environmental in the colony held the cure; it’s in the water, and not that flower the kid tried to hand off after all! I still say she should have taken the damn flower, though.
Just when Katrina is about to reveal the reason she thinks she’s been trapped in Purgatory, Ichabod is yanked away from her. “You fight for your life, Ichabod!” she calls after him. “You fight for the both of us!” He wakes in his hospital bed.
I swear, Captain Irving’s changeability confuses the hell out of me. One minute he’s telling Ichabod to work with Abbie, suggesting he believes all the supernatural stuff; the next minute he calls him crazy, implying it’s all loony tunes.
Sometimes he thinks Abbie’s pleas for taking anti-apocalyptical measures are bunk, but other times he’s totally convinced that Roanoke has healing water, and is a sacred place to cure otherworldly diseases! Therefore Abbie should absolutely steal Ichabod and Thomas in an ambulance to bring them to be cured — he’ll cover for her! — even if all the doctors and nurses and Cold Hearted-Snake CDC officials would scream, “No, plague times!” I mean, I’m glad he agrees, because that’s what’s going down, but whahuh?
As they stumble along to New!Roanoke, Thomas starts to fade and Ichabod feels dizzy. Abbie gives Ichabod a shot of adrenaline, because HARDCORE! They arrive to find the villagers actually running from the Pestilence Horseman, but when Ichabod holds Thomas and basically baptizes them both in the well, the signs of disease disappear, and they’re saved.
Ichabod’s vision whites out, and moments late he and Abbie find themselves in another part of the forest filled with sunlight, and conspicuously missing Roanoke and an Apocalyptical Horseman. “He was dead all along; they all were,” Ichabod realizes as they see Thomas walking away with his father. Oh-kay? Abbie wonders how the hell everyone in Sleepy Hollow could see Thomas if he was a ghost, but Ichabod explains he briefly became flesh and blood “when he was lured to the world to spread a plague.” Oh. ‘Kay? “Your faith in being one of the eyewitnesses allowed you to see what your eyes cannot,” Ichabod says of Abbie’s discovery of the solution. Let’s not count her detective training out completely, Crane.
“You’re not going to believe this,” Captain Irving tells Abbie over the phone, “we don’t know how, but everyone’s recovering.” BECAUSE MAGIC! Or faith. Or ghosts. I don’t know.
“For a minute there I thought you might choose to stay in the colony,” Abbie tells Ichabod. Awwww! I can totally see that! Now they’ve both gotten over their little abandonment scares (Abbie staying in Sleepy Hollow in the Pilot, Ichabod choosing the same now). “But Crane, believe me when I say you belong in Sleepy Hollow.” “Well,” he says, and he’s so quietly but adorable thrilled she wants him to stay, “What do you say we go home, then? We have much work to do.” THEY ARE CUTIE BFF FATED TO STOP THE APOCALYPSE, YAY!
Just to remind us we don’t have an all-clear, we see the Horseman of Death, sans head of course, coming out of the water while his red-eyed horse waits for him. Wait a minute, Sleepy Hollow is on hiatus until November 4th? HOW WILL I MAKE IT UNTIL THEN?