Buffy the Vampire Slayer 1×12 – Prophecy Girl

 

Buffy's about to have a couple of pretty crappy days

Buffy’s about to have a couple of pretty crappy days

Well suckers, here we are. The last episode of season one. Things are about to get cray-cray, as you young kids say. You guys still say that, right? Cowabunga!

Previously: We learned that Cordy has layers and can be pretty decent but then she kinda went back to her old self and that was that :sad face: Buffy defeated an invisible girl and still longs for her old days of being popular. Yeah yeah yeah, we get it, Buffy. I guess having Giles, Willow and Xander isn’t enough. Angel/David Boredom gave Giles the Book of Codex, stayed away from Buffy, and looked depressed and beautiful AS ALWAYS.

 

 

We open with an exterior shot of the Bronze. Xander’s inside, rehearsing his lines for asking Buffy out on a date as Willow listens dreamily, pretending it’s her he is asking out. What a sad, sad moment for you, Willow. I am so sad for you right now.

Xander keeps panicking and blurting strange things during this practice run. He doesn’t get why this is so hard for him when really all he should do is walk up to her and tell her that he likes her and then simply ask her to the dance. Willow agrees that simple is better.

Xander claims he’s ready but Buffy hasn’t arrived yet. Willow offers for him to practice on her some more because she’s a sucker for punishment. Xander wonders what Buffy’s doing and Willow replies, “You know. The usual.”

Cut to one of my favourite shots from the series. A parked car is in a field. Buffy falls into the shot in slow motion and hits the ground hard. I am a sucker for slo mo and all of the Buffy shots are in it. I am pleased! Slo mo ftw!

Cordy and her dumb boyfriend Mitch are in the car, kissing. She hears the sound of Buffy falling and stops making out, wondering what that noise was.

Buffy painfully sits up as the vamp walks over and stands above her.  She looks up at him with big eyes. No one does big eyes like SMG. NO ONE.

Inside the steamy-windowed car, Cordy thinks someone’s out there. Mitch says that’s ridiculous. Who would be in the middle of a field at night? I don’t know, Mitch, why don’t you look? I mean, you guys are there so maybe someone else found this wide-open space too. Ugh. Boys.

Buffy does a nifty leg spin move and jumps up, her little hands in fists all ready to rumble. The vamp snarls a bit and grins, thinking she’s easy bait. Buffy slowly reaches behind her and pulls a very pointy stake out from a hiding spot in the back of her pants. She smiles evilly, making the vamp’s own smile fade away.

He charges at her and she easily stakes him. Sounds like there’s a lots of vampy activity since this makes three that night. Buffy says Giles would be so proud.

Giles is in the library, doing his ever-trusty researching. He’s reading the Codex and seems really excited to finally be translating the part he needs. He leans in, reading out loud, “The Master shall rise and the Slayer…” he trails off, looking devastated. The Slayer what, Giles? What is it???

Giles doesn’t answer me cause just then everything starts moving. Earthquake! Giles’ tea falls to the ground and really, this is just a terrible thing to happen to an Englishman. He is traumatized.

Everyone runs for safe places like under stairs and in doorways and , I dunno, does it also help if you go in a cellar or stop, drop and roll? We don’t have earthquakes where I live. Or tornados. Or hurricanes. Just long, cold winters and really, really big mosquitos in the summer.

The camera pans down to the Master, standing with this hands in the air like he just don’t care. He really don’t. He’s thrilled about the earthquake because it means his time has come and soon he’ll be freeeeeeeeee!

Opening credits!

Buffy walks into the library the next morning, not even noticing Giles’ disheveled appearance. Either he’s been researching all night or he’s just done the walk of shame after a giant rave party. I bet it’s a rave party.

Giles is so happy to see her. “Buffy…” he breathes and just stares at her. He’s really, really pleased she’s there. He stares at her so much that Buffy gets paranoid that there’s something on her face.

She tells him she killed three vamps last night and Giles grows alarmed, saying their numbers are increasing. He’s still ever so distracted and Buffy is dismayed at his lack of concern for her well-being. He mumbles that he’s glad she’s alright and says he can’t talk. Buffy takes off to Biology class and he sadly watches her go with a worried look on his face. Aw, Giles.

After Bio, Buffy, Willow and Xander walk together, complaining about how boring the class was. Willow loved class and takes the time to remind us that she’s a nerd. Yes, we get it. You’re nerdy. You love learning cause only nerds like stuff involving education. Whatevs, Joss.

Xander asks Willow about that THING she’s supposed to go to and Willow has no idea what he means for a moment but then is all Ohhhhhhhh riiiiight that THING and leaves so Xander can ask Buffy on a date. Willow, you’re a terrible friend to not talk him out of this and Xander, seriously, how do you not know Willow loves you and Buffy doesn’t? Buffy has clearly demonstrated her love for Angel.

Xander asks Buffy to sit on a bench in the schoolyard with him. She has no idea what’s about to happen which is crazy because any girl would know what is about to happen. But noooo, she’s completely surprised. She says she doesn’t want to spoil the friendship and Xander tells her he doesn’t either but she either feels a thing or she doesn’t. Buffy answers honestly, telling him she doesn’t think of him that way.

Xander jokes that she should try. He’ll wait. When she looks at him sadly he stands up, getting angry. He’s pretty much into dick mode now and nastily says that he gets it, he’s not Angel and a guy obviously needs to be undead to make time with her. Wow, Xander. Nice way to treat someone you care about.

Buffy tells him that was a harsh thing to say. He starts to apologize but his apology just turns into more of a pity party.  He’s all, sorry, I don’t handle rejection well even though I’m always being rejected whaa whaa whaa. What a jerk. He leaves and Buffy is all :sad face:

Giles is making a call to someone, saying he needs to see him later. As he hangs up Jenny Calendar comes in. She knows something is up as she’s been ‘surfing the net’. AHAHAHAHAH surfing the net. Oh god.

Jenny reads off a list of creepy things happening. You know, cat birthing snakes, lakes boiling, a baby born with his eyes facing inwards. She says it sounds to her like the Apocalypse is coming.

Giles doesn’t trust her so she points out that she helped him cast that demon out of the internet. Jenny! Never bring that episode up again, young lady, if you know what’s good for you!

Jenny complains that some crazy monk keeps emailing her about a prophecy involving the Anointed One. Giles is all, duh, the Anointed One is dead. Joke’s on YOU, Giles! He’s not dead and he’s a useless little kid in a zippy sweater. Wait, maybe the joke’s on us.

Giles demands that Jenny arranges for him to speak with this monk and I love his firm tone. You are so dreamy Giles.

Meanwhile, Cordelia and her boyfriend are walking down the hall and planning for prom night. She’s giving him instructions and they’re both acting very uncharacteristically sweet to each other. What is this? Cordy thinks he’s being so sweet and is blissfully happy and I am confused cause I thought this guy was Mitch but apparently his name is KEVIN. So she was making out with Kevin in the car I guess. Mitch is out of the picture, I guess.  Whatever, it’s not as if they look alike or anything. No generic dark haired good looking jock- type guys here!

Mitch

Mitch

 

NOT Mitch

NOT Mitch

Cordy sees Willow and happily calls out to her. She tells Not-Mitch that she’ll see him in the morning and NOT-Mitch-I’m-Kevin leaves.

Cordelia tries to butter up Willow by telling her how much she likes her outfit and Willow stops her by saying, “No you don’t.” Cordy agrees that she doesn’t and this exchange doesn’t have the usual undercurrent of hostility it used to. Has our Cordy really changed into a happier and better person? <3<3<3

She needs a favour from Willow and asks her to help set up the sound system at the Bronze for the upcoming dance. Willow, already dejected from Xander’s complete lack of intelligence and love, agrees listlessly. Cordelia is really appreciative but Willow has spotted a depressed Xander tossing a ball in a nearby classroom and goes to talk to him.

Sooooo….how’d it go? Not so great, Willow. Not so great. Xander sadly wallows in self-pity as Willow stares at him with her big, beautiful sad eyes. Everyone is so sad. Sad sad sad.

Oh, hey, no worries though! Xander comes up with the brilliant idea of him taking Willow to the dance! They’ll have a great time!

Willow: No.
Xander: Good! …what?
Willow: There’s no way.
Xander: Willow…come on!
Willow: You think I want to go to the dance with you and watch you wish you were at the dance with her? You think that’s my idea of hijinks? You should know better.

Eeeeeesh. This episode is tearing my heart out. Xander kinda gets it and slightly realizes that he’s acting like a jerk to Willow. Slightly. Not enough to make things right with her. No, he lets her leave and goes back to feeling sorry for himself:

Xander: That’s okay. I don’t wanna go. I’m just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music. The music of pain.

I LOVE THAT LINE.

It’s the end of the school day and it’s already dark. We know this because all the lights in the hallways are turned down really dim, like schools do in the evening when kids are still there…wait, what?

Buffy’s finishing up in the gym locker room. She grabs her trusty stake and goes to wash her hands in the sink but instead of water blood starts pouring out of the tap instead. Well. That’s not going to make anyone fresh and clean.

She rushes off to the library to tell Giles and overhears him talking to someone. It’s beautiful, beautiful Angel/David Bollandaise Sauce. MMM…eggs benedict.

Buffy is happy to see beautiful, beautiful Angel and steps forward to join them. She stops though, when she hears what they’re saying. They’re talking about the prophecy and none of it is good news for the Slayer. P.S. Buffy’s the Slayer, in case you haven’t been paying attention.

Angel and Giles argue about the Codex. Giles insists that nothing stated in the Codex can be changed. Angel desperately says that he must be reading it wrong and Giles, brokenhearted, says he wishes that was the case but the fact is that tomorrow night Buffy will face the Master and she will DIE.

Buffy is shocked to hear this news. She starts laughing and walks into the room. Angel and Giles look utterly destroyed as she tells them she knows the drill. One Slayer dies and the next one is called. She keeps talking and guys, SMG just kills it in this scene. Tears run down her face and her voice breaks when she wonders how she will die and if it will hurt. :'(

She can’t believe Giles wasn’t going to tell her. He says he was hoping he wouldn’t have to, that there was some way around it. Oh hey, no worries, Buffy has a way around it! She quits.

Angel points out it’s not that simple and Buffy really starts crumbling. She insists that she’s done and they can find someone else to stop the Master.

When Giles tells her that no one else can stop him she loses it, throwing books and screaming at him. “Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune! You’e so useful here with all your books! You’re really a lotta help!” Giles is crushed. :'( :'( :'(

Angel can’t stand the idea of her dying. He wants to figure out a way to stop this. Buffy shouts that SHE QUIT. PAY ATTENTION.

Buffy rips the cross necklace Angel gave her from her throat. She looks up at them, eyes huge. “Giles. I’m sixteen years old. I don’t wanna die.”

No one can answer her. She flings the necklace down and walks out.

Devastated Librarian

Devastated Librarian/Watcher

Devastated but still beautiful Vampire with a soul

Devastated but Still Beautiful Vampire With a Soul

Most devastated of them all

Most Devastated Slayer

:'( x a million

Willow is at home, doing homework because that’s what Willow does and don’t you forget it. Her computer is off because she watched this Very Special Movie I Tivoed for her:

This was on TV the other day. JOSS WAS RIGHT!

This was on TV the other day. JOSS WAS RIGHT!

Willow sadly looks at the picture of her and Xander on her desk. She sighs and picks up the phone. We cut to a dejected Xander lying on his disheveled bed. Patsy Cline’s ‘I Fall To Pieces’ is playing in the background. His phone rings. He picks it up and lets it drop back down, then takes it off the hook. Oh Xander.

Buffy sits on her bed and looks through her photo album, remembering when she was young and not the Slayer and wasn’t going to die. Oh, good times.

Joyce comes into the room in full on Mom Mode. When Buffy asks her to go away with her for the weekend she thinks Buffy’s upset cause a certain boy didn’t ask Buffy to the dance. It’s almost insulting but she means well, the dear. Joyce opens Buffy’s closet door and shows her the long, white dress she bought for her to wear to the dance. Buffy loves it but says she can’t go. Joyce asks, “Says who? Is it written somewhere? You should do what you want” and tells her she met Buffy’s father at her homecoming. Shut it, Joyce. Buffy has bigger fish to fry.

The next morning Willow and Cordelia are at school walking down the stairs towards the Audio-Visual room. Cordy can’t believe that Kevin (Not Mitch) didn’t show up at the Bronze last night, like he said he would, to help set everything up for the dance. She tells Willow that she’s not even mad cause she likes him that much. She thinks he’s ever so cute.

They reach the room and see Kevin and his friends sitting on the couch, their backs to them, watching cartoons.  They don’t notice the bloody hand smear on the tv screen. Yeah, them boys dead.

Cordy opens the door and Kevin falls out. Dead. Willow walks in and sees the blood on the TV. Dead. Everyone’s dead. D.E.A.D. dead.

Buffy is admiring how terrific she looks in her new white dress when Joyce rushes in, telling her there’s something in the news with Willow.

Still wearing the prom dress, Buffy goes to Willow. The sun is setting and Willow is traumatized. Her eyes are filled with tears as she tells Buffy that this time it was different. She says the vamps brought their world to them and had fun killing those boys. She cries and asks Buffy what they’re going to do.

Buffy knows what to do. She stands up and makes Willow promise to stay inside tonight. Willow nods and as Buffy turns to go she says, “Buffy? I like your dress.”

Meanwhile, down the Evil Underground Lair of Evil, the Master feels the invisible wall trapping him growing weaker. He tells the Anointed Colin, “Soon!” Yeah, yeah, you always say that.

In the library, Giles and Jenny are discussing the clues of the prophecy. Giles has finally figured out that the vamp they killed wasn’t the Anointed One and that the Anointed One is, in fact, a child. “The Slayer will not know him and he will lead her into hell.” Stupid Colin.

Giles tells Jenny that Buffy isn’t going to face the Master. He is. Oh Giles, you’re so hot.

Buffy walks in the room and is all, yeah no you’re not going to face the Master. I am, nice try. Giles argues with her, saying he is defying the prophecy and nothing will change his mind. Buffy knows this and punches him, knocking him out cold. She puts on her trusty cross necklace and leaves to her death. Buffy rules.

She takes the crossbow and walks out of the school. Stupid Colin is standing on the grounds in his stupid sweatshirt. “Help me…” he implores in a sad little voice. Buffy tells him it’s okay, she knows who he is. She takes his hand and he leads her away to the Master.

The gang now knows what Buffy is going to do and has gathered in the library. Xander is panicking, Willow is trying to calm him and Giles is holding an ice pack to his jaw.  Willow wants to figure out how to help Buffy while Jenny points out they have and apocalypse to worry about. Xander and Willow don’t take kindly to her rudeness, asking why she gets to be part of the club. Jenny’s all, look, once the Hellmouth opens we all die, okay, but all Xander is worrying about is Buffy and he’s going to find out where she went. Maybe he shouldn’t have treated her like crap the last time he spoke to her but I’ll just shut up now.

Xander goes to Angel’s pad and they argue in a manly style.  Xander tells Angel to take him to the Master and they both glare at each other as Xander holds a cross in Angel’s face and they both love her and whatever boys, get to work.

Back in the library, Jenny, Giles and Willow read through books, trying to figure out just exactly where the Hellmouth is going to open.

The Anointed Colin leads Buffy to the Underground Evil Lair of Evil. And then he leaves. He. Leaves. That’s all the Anointed Colin does. That’s it. Nothing else. Eff you, Colin. Eff you and your stupid hoodie.

Buffy walks in and the Master welcomes her. Banter banter banter. She makes a light joke, trying to distract him as she suddenly shoots her crossbow. He catches it before it sinks into his heart. “Nice shot.”

Xander and Angel are navigating the tunnels, searching for them. Xander accuses Angel of looking at his neck. Angel denies it and they banter like two people in love. And so begins the Xander/Angel slash fandom.

The Master tells Buffy she isn’t the Hunter. She’s the Lamb. Well. That doesn’t sound promising. The Master wants this special moment to last and when Buffy tells him she doesn’t he pops up behind her.

Giles, Willow and Jenny brainstorm. They think that the vamps are going to attack the kids at the prom celebration which is in the Bronze. Willow and Jenny run out of the school to warn them but find they were wrong. Vamps are everywhere and they’re surrounded. Dumbasses.

Buffy tries to run from the Master but he has magic hands and his power of vampire filing and polishing holds her in a helpless state. She can’t escape.

Behold the power of the evil manicure!

Behold the power of the evil manicure!

And guess what? The prophecy tricked them all. If Buffy hadn’t come to stop the Master then he wouldn’t be able to escape by drinking her powerful Slayer blood. How’s that for a kicker?

Yum!

Yum!

The Master happily bites down on her jugular and drinks. He is free! He releases Buffy, who sighs her last breath. As he walks away she falls into a pile of water. “By the way, I like your dress.”

 

RUDE.

RUDE.

The Master escapes the Evil Underground Lair of Evil just as Angel and Xander run in. Angel/David Bordello pulls Buffy from the water and holds her. “She’s dead,” his beautiful mouth says. Xander’s all, no way, not gonna happen, not on my watch, and says to try CPR. Since Angel/David Bordinghouse has no breath on account of being a VAMPIRE with a SOUL he asks Xander to do it. Save her! Save Buffy!

Meanwhile, Willow and Jenny are still standing in the school parking lot, panicking as hordes of vamps slowly walk closer. They don’t know what to do (run away, run back in the school, lock the doors, get some crosses, I dunno anything but stand there) when someone screeches up in their car. “Get in!” the someone shouts. It’s Cordelia! Yay!

Xander keeps up the CPR. Just as it looks hopeless she opens her eyes and takes a breath, coughing out the nasty pond water she inhaled. “Xander?” she breathes, looking at him with big eyes. Don’t worry, I’m sure those two kids will get together one day.

Willow and Jenny jump in the car and Willow yells that they have to get to the library. Cordy isn’t fooling around. She drives the car right through the school, down the hall, and up to the library doors. They run inside, screaming, and shut the doors as tons of vamps try to break in. Giles starts piling shelves in front of the doors in a useless attempt at keeping them out and seriously? Why do they keep doing this? Wheeling the copy machine in front of the doors will not help. It’s on wheels. Sigh.

“Why are they here?” Giles wonders as they fight to keep the doors closed. Behind them, a slimy tentacle starts coming out of the ground.

Xander and Angel help Buffy up. “The Master?” she whispers. He’s escaped the Evil Underground Lair of Evil and gone up. Buffy takes a few tentative steps. “You’re still weak,” Xander worries, but no, Buffy doesn’t feel weak. She feels different. Stronger. She feels like kicking ass!

She marches to the school, full of confidence and power. She’s so sassy and badass right now I love it.

In the library, things are going to hell, literally, as the Hellmouth starts opening right there. More tentacles start slithering about and they look just terrible. No budget left for the tentacles, guys! One snakes around Willow’s foot and Alyson Hannigan shows her acting chops by screaming in a very convincing manner.

Some sort of giant eyeless brown snake demons start weaving their heads around from the hole in the library floor. This pleases the Master, who is up on the roof, looking down through the skylight at the scene.

But ha! Buffy is there to stop him. He just can’t believe his beady eyes. She’s supposed to be dead! He makes his patented ‘come hither and check out my manicure’ hypno move and Buffy slides over to him. But ha, again! She’s totes faking it. She’s not under his power at all and punches him right in his fruit-punch mouth. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Xander and Angel help out in the library, killing vamps as Willow screams and screams as she’s pulled closer to the snake demons.

The Master grabs Buffy by the throat. She returns the favour and grabs his, lifting and flinging him into the skylight. He falls onto a jagged piece of wood and dies in a spectacular manner. The snake demon and tentacles slide back into the Hellmouth.  She did it!

The gang gathers around the library. The Master’s bones are still there. They didn’t dust like other vamps do. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief. What to do now? Go to the dance, of course! “We saved the world…I say we party!”

As they leave, Angel/David Borenaissance Fair leans over to Buffy and says, “By the way, I really like your dress-“

“Yeah yeah,” she interrupts. “It’s been a big hit with everyone.”

 

Everyone gets to go to the dance but the Master.

Everyone gets to go to the dance but the Master.

And so, season one wraps up. Who’s in for season two?

Please like & share:
  • Surprisingly Blank

    Yes, Buffy kicking ass is the best Buffy.

    Willow, you are adorable and can do so much better than season 1 Xander. It can’t be helped. The heart wants what the heart wants I guess.

    Oh no, not the tea. Will Giles ever recover?

    Do strange things like blood water and cats birthing snakes happen every inpending apocalyse? The show had at least 12 of those, so did everyone have to deal with general weirdness the day before one?

    “George, the water is blood again.”
    “Damn it. That’s the second time this month. Must be the apocalypse again.”

    Angel, pretty but rather bland this season.

    The annointed one should just have never been. He’s not the worst child actor ever, but nearly the most useless in story.

    The Master is creepy, but I will never be able to unsee the fruit punch mouth.

    I hope the Scoobies had a fantastic prom after all that. Looking foreward to your recap of season 2.

    • Josie Morin

      NOT THE TEA!

  • Lisa

    I LAHVE all of your names for Angel/David Boraspberry Pants! LOL

    Can’t wait for Season 2!

    • S

      I was just gonna say something along the same lines! I ADORE these recaps and every single time Josie finds a new name for David B, I cackle like a fiend. Never change. <3

    • Josie Morin

      Thanks! It’s getting really hard to think up stuff haha

  • H

    Favorite recaps of my favorite show of all time! The “Angel” one particularly cracked me up, and pretty much anything you say about Angel/David Bored Now is hilarious. Please continue on to Season 2! I want more!

  • Original-S

    I know I am super late to this discussion, but oh man! I love reading these recaps. They take me right back to middle/high school when this show first aired. I was OBSESSED. I was so heart eyes for Xander, I wanted him and Willow to be a thing in the worst way! And then Spike came along and <3 . This is the first series I ever wrote fanfiction for. Hell, this is the series that GOT ME INTO fanfiction. I will always love it.

    Also?

    "Xander: That’s okay. I don’t wanna go. I’m just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music. The music of pain."

    Yes, Xander. Yes.