Game of Thrones 4.7 – Mockingbird

Previously! In this episode: Tyrion has a joke that flops, Melisandre tries a joke that also fails, but Lord Freaking Petyr Baelish gets the last damn laugh.

Papa can you hear meeeee? [gross sobbing with love for Sansa Stark]

Papa can you hear meeeee? [gross sobbing with love for Sansa Stark]

First, it has to be said: Oberyn Martell can get it. By “it” I mean me. SPOILERS START HERE. Hey remember how I was all excited about how we realized just how dangerous Baelish is? Remember how freaked out I was by Lysa and wanted her and Bad Boob Sucker Robin to take a trip through the Moon Door? REMEMBER THOSE DAYS? [Why wasn’t the Eyrie in the damn opening map??]

 

Before I lust over Oberyn, let’s talk about the big honking awesome that wrapped this ep., by which I mean Baelish’s chosen sigil. Mockingbirds have no call of their own – their calls, their language consists of bits and snippets of other birds’ calls.They’re fearless and will defend their territory against much larger, much more dangerous prey. They are perfect mimics – we had one outside our house that could perfectly imitate my daughter yelling at her brother. Drove me nuts thinking they were fighting. Nope. ‘Twas the Mockingbird, making noise to get the cat away from his nest/mate. Protecting his own no matter what.

Sneaky, clever bastards. They’re so, so clever and are ultimate survivors. Awesome, GRRM. So awesome.

Mock. [Yeah!] Ing. [Yeah!] Bird. [Yeah!] Yeah? [Laura, stop.]

Mock. [Yeah!] Ing. [Yeah!] Bird. [Yeah!] Yeah? [Laura, stop.]

But we open with Tyrion and Jaime in the prison cells.

Jaime: Are you fucking kidding me with this trial by combat stuff?
Tyrion: J/K! I mean, J/K about just kidding.
Jaime: Wow, I had this all planned! You’re a dick.
Tyrion: Am I? I do believe our father – who orchestrated everything happening to me – is the dick who dicks.
Jaime: That doesn’t even make sense!
Tyrion: Shut up, sister-fucker.
Jaime: WOW DUDE I AM LITERALLY YOUR ONLY FRIEND. Also, you know I can’t fight for you, right? For multiple reasons?
Tyrion: You can’t? Crap. Well, fetch me my man-at-arms, Bronn. A good witty joke, a promise for getting laid and a handful of gold and he’ll do it for me.
Jaime: Uh… you sure about that?
Tyrion: Of course! We’re best friends! He can kill any man!
Jaime: Well…it’s Not Any Man he’d be fighting.

CUT TO: Not Any Man stabbing a dude and hoisting him into the air.

This man is not a vegan.

[This man is not a vegan.] DO YOU EVEN LIFT, BRO?

Uh oh. And there’s a line of poor sots who are basically waiting to be used as a sort of medieval batting practice for this giant of a Not Any Man. The slaves? Whoever they are, they ask for mercy. Aha ha ha. HAHAHA. There will be no mercy. There will, however, be a Cersei, who is the person who personally requested Gorilla Guy.

Cersei: Gregor Clegane! [Me: OH MY GOD] You’re chopping through those poor folks like they were butter on a hot summer day. Good form.

Clegane: ME KILL GOOD. ME KILL MORE. MOUNTAIN HUNGRY FOR BLOOD.

Cersei: [simpers] Charming.

Enter the Hound and Arya continuing along to the Eryie when they spot a burned down hut. Upon investigation, they find an old man sitting on the ground, slowly and painfully dying. Why didn’t he kill himself? Because, eesh, that has to suck, the whole guts slowly putrefying and then you dying in agony from it thing.

Well, that would require the old man to end his own life. But life is a bit of a habit, innit tho?  Nothing is worse than this, this agony, this life bleeding out of him. And Arya, who has grown four decades over the past few episodes, wisely says, “Nothing isn’t better or worse than anything. Nothing is just nothing.”

Damn, Arya. She wears black on the outside ’cause black is how she feels on the inside. Must have had a third helping of Nihilism with breakfast. :(

She tells him who she is, Sandor says he’s her captor, and they’re off to make a trade. The old man admires that – fair exchange. It’s how things should always be: this for that. Balance. But there isn’t balance anymore, is there? He asks for a drink. Sandor shares his water then stabs the man through the heart. Restoring a little balance. The man smiles at him and dies.

As he wipes off his blade, he tells her “that’s where the heart is. That’s how you kill a man.” And some dude who didn’t listen to that helpful lesson on how to end a life jumps on Sandor’s back like a deranged gnat with a yell and a neck bite. BRO THAT IS NOWHERE NEAR HIS HEART, PAY ATTENTION.

Clegane easily snaps his neck, but the gnat took a chunk out of him. Oho, and the gnat had a buddy, who emerges to give exposition on the Lannister’s price on Clegane’s head, and to be revealed as the nasty from the Lannister’s Cart o’Harrenhal Rejects, and then lastly to be stabbed straight in the heart by Arya once she’s learned his name after Sandor asks him for it. (That’s the velvet rope to her kill list, of course.)

Awesome. Arya getting her revenge is one of my favorite things. The joy of life is slowly bleeding from her eyes with every passing day. Nothing is worse than this. But then, after this? Nothing.

Jon’s band of Rangers return to Castle Black only to have Lord Sourface Von Butthurt immediately be a shit to him and his Direwolf puppy. Jon rolls his eyes but leads Ghost off to safer places – I assume a horse pen since that’s about the size of him. Jon then retells what happened at Craster’s, reminds them that Mance is coming, and is sneered at by Lord Butthurt and his sidekick, Captain Yeah, Boss!

Jon has lives to save, though. So let’s block up the tunnel door and gate and be smart. You know, strategize a bit?

Lord Butthurt: NO. MY EGO IS IN THE WAY OF RATIONAL THOUGHT
Jon: Yeah, I’ve noticed. Don’t you want to win?
Lord Butthurt: Yes. Against you. [holds hand out for high five]
Capt Yeah, Boss: [high fives] Good one, Boss!
Lord Butthurt: [preens] We’ve stood strong here for thousands of years.
Jon: [mutters] Oh, so you want that to end on your watch. Gotcha.

Jon tries to explain about Giants, all sorts of things coming, but these guys have their heads so far up their asses they’re kissing their own tonsils. Tale as old as time: pride and ego standing in the way of winning and good leadership.

Bronn comes to visit Tyrion in his cell, dressed in his fines. Huh, where did those come from? Oh, Cersei, Bronn explains. Got a wife waiting, planning on killing her sister so my new wife inherits a wad of cash, get me a castle… Can you double down on that?

Tyrion can’t. But…they’re friends? Bronn is genuinely sad things are turning out as they are, but he makes an excellent point: he’s put his life on the line for Tyrion, because they’re friends. But when has Tyrion put his life on the line for Bronn? Yeah, that’s what Bronn thought.

“I like you, pampered little shit that you are. I just like myself more.” Fair enough.

It’s not looking good for Tyrion, guys. He knows it, and because he’s better than all of us, he doesn’t hold it against Bronn. I mean, fighting the Mountain. Come on. He gives Bronn the “no hard feelings” hand shake, won’t let go, and then Bronn clears his throat and goes off to bed his new bride, leaving Tyrion to plan how he’ll kill the Mountain himself. If he manages it, what a hell of a song that would make! Could be a Westeros hit like Rains of Castamere. Tyrion? If I may: get Tits in a Hot Tub to sing it.

Cut to Meeren and to Daario with some smooth moves to get into Dany’s pants. Well, that’s not gonna work, buddy. Roadside flowers? Pfft. Look, Khaleesi: Daario signed up with you to use his skills every damn day, fucking and fighting, and he just fought with you over what to do, so…

“Take off your clothes.” DAENERYS MOTHER OF DRAGONS AND BREAKER OF CHAINS! Bow chicky bow wow! (Even though Daario has a skinny tush. SORRY.)

...does that WORK?!

…does that WORK?!

Dany 2

HOLY SHIT IT DOES.

On to Dragonstone and the complete opposite feeling for tubby time than we had in Dreadfort. Fire Crotch Mage – and JFC, Melisandre is a beautiful, beautiful woman – has Stannis’ wife help her with some essential oils for her soak. And some essential knowledge (hey-o! Okay, that was weak.) that men can be fooled and tricked with potions and powders, but the end result is the same: they may be roofied in the beginning, but they soon learn to love the Lord of Light. Hey, I went to college, too, Melisandre, and I remember this line just before being offered some “potions and powders.”

Lady Cuckold stares at FCM and her beautiful body, the one her husband finally got a healthy child off of (shadow demon ninja kingslayer though it was). But she came for a reason: Stannis wants Newt (Shireen) to go with them, but Lady Cuckold thinks that’s a terrible idea because she really hates her scaly-faced daughter. FCM, however, has Seen Things. She makes Lady Cuckold stare into the flames so she can See Things Too. And… it looks like Shireen is going to be an offering to the Lord of Light or some shit? WOW. Not sweet little Newt! :(

My hope: Ser Davos saves the day. WITH GENDRY. IDK, don’t tell me what happens, obviously. We did not save little Newt from the terraforming planet of LV-426 and the xenomorphs just to toss her in a fire for her Daddy to be king, okay? [I am a huge nerd. You should know this by now.]

And then we jump to the saddest song in the whole land: the sound Jorah’s heart makes as he moves to enter her quarters next morning and sees Daario leaving while doing up his pants whistling “I just had sex! [And it felt so good!]”

“She’s in a great mood,” Daario says, further digging his heel metaphorically into Jorah’s broken heart.

“Really?” Jorah asks her. “That guy?” She shrugs. She’s just getting an itch scratched, Jorah. Besides, she sent him off to kill the Masters in Yunkai. (Side note: her costumes were amazing.)

Jorah would really like her to learn from her mistakes. There is good and evil on both sides of a war. TRUTH. Like that whole Hizdhar zo Loraq dude? Remember him? And then there’s the whole “we only know brutality” thing with the slaves that needs a tweak, because modeling good behavior is a better way of leading than more brutality. Also, Jorah had a bad past but because his life was spared, he’s now working for good. Put that in your crop, m’lady, and stew on it for a moment.

Dany sees his point. Make sure Darrio knows it – that it was Jorah’s idea. Send Loraq along with Daario to be an ambassador to weed out the good people. Jorah’s smile is bright, wide, and while he’s not getting the Khaleesi like he’d prefer, he at least has her respect. Well, and his right hand.

(Jaime: RUDE!)

The Hound – sans armor – sits away from Arya and a fire, trying to clean out his disgusting neck wound. Arya wants to cauterize it (smart!) but he freaks out. She backs off, and he explains that her theory about how his face was disfigured was spot on. His wretched brother held his face to the fire over a toy. And what was worse, his father didn’t defend him, didn’t help him, hell, his father lied to everyone about how he was hurt in the first place! So Arya can say she’s all alone, but she doesn’t know what that means, not really.

And Sandor sits by himself, no armor, his biggest secret laid bare for an eleven-year-old little girl, and he looks so small, doesn’t he? Defenseless. Where’s your stab through the heart, Arya? Perfect time for it. Instead, she sees him for who he is – a [former] damaged child trying to survive – and sees herself. She cleans his wound and sews it up for him. I just really love these two and all they’re learning from each other. They’re both learning survival skills but in different arenas, huh?

Jeeves and Wooster, aka Brienne and Pod, settle in with a nice kidney pie baked by… Cartman! It’s Arya’s buddy Cartman (Hot Pie) with a lot of information no one asked about. The kid loves his gravy. Buddy? I’m from the south. I feel those feels. Gravy is important! But Brienne doesn’t care. She just wants to know if he’s seen a beautiful red-headed Stark? Goes by the name of Sansa? About so tall?

Nope. Never seen a Stark from Winterhell.

Uh huh. They pack up to leave and Pod has the very intelligent thought that they should probably not tell people they’re looking for someone of value because it could lead to their being killed, when Cartman comes back out and says that while he doesn’t know the red-headed Stark, he sure knows Arya. Give her this wolf bread he made her when they catch up, please? [whistles his “I <3 Gravy” song]

What was that about not telling people what we’re doing, Pod? Well, Pod does know things, like how the Eyrie is most likely where the Stark girls would be. Nice. And can we talk about Brienne’s beast of a horse? Because Gwendolyn is 6’3” and that horse is taller than her. DAMN.

But allow me to put on some asbestos pants, because there is a fire down below and it’s because of one Prince Oberyn Martell of Dorne. Good lord. He comes to see Tyrion, to say that Cersei tried to sway him. Tyrion seems resigned to a horrible death – and a little mocking from Oberyn before that, as Oberyn says how he met Tyrion before, when he was just born. He and his sister wanted to see the baby monster they’d heard all about. Cersei talked up how awful the baby was, how disgusting. [God, Tyrion’s face while he listens to this one.more.time was so painful.]

And then when Oberyn looked down at the baby… it was just a baby. Sure it was a little a-typical, but it was still a baby. Which is what he told Cersei. Cersei pinched the baby’s penis so hard they thought it would come off – GOOD LORD, CERSEI – until Jaime made her stop. (Wow, that set the stage for their whole existence, the three Lannisters, didn’t it?)

Everyone knew the baby would die soon. It shouldn’t have lived this long. (Seriously, tears and an ache in my chest so deep at Tyrion’s face, and you KNOW he’s heard this shit his whole life. People have said this behind his back, in front of his back, to his face his whole life.) But Oberyn wants to talk about justice.

He could be in a position to get what he wants – vengeance for his sister. The Mountain killed his sister and her children, for starters. He will kill the Mountain. He will be Tyrion’s champion.

CHAMPION OF MY PANTS.

CHAMPION OF MY PANTS.

...did we just become best friends?

…did we just become best friends?

If you don’t love Oberyn Martell you are living your life in an incorrect manner, and I have a 20 step pamphlet outlining how to get your life on the path towards truth and wonder. Steps 1 – 20: LOOK AT HIM. It’s pretty effective.

Sansa walks outside at the Eyrie and sees snow for the first time in who knows how long. Oh, sweet child, she is playing in the snow and building a snow model of Winterfell and I just really love Sansa Stark. She is such a little girl, still. Bad Boob Sucker comes out to mess things up.

BBS: Why doesn’t your home have a door that opens to death?
Sansa: Because we’re not monsters?
BBS: Mummy says I’m the most important person in the world. I’m to have the best of everything and do anything I want and that one day when I am Lord of the Vale I can kill people at will! [picks nose] I’m going to put them all in the cornfield!
Sansa: Awesome.
BBS: LET ME KNOCK THIS OVER [destroys her castle because heaven forbid even a MODEL of Winterfell remains intact]
Sansa: >:( God dammit.
BBS: Mummy says you can’t ever be cross with me! [Stomps out her castle because he is IN SEVERE NEED OF A BOOT IN THE ASS]

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BREASTFEEDING TOO LONG, LYSA.

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BREASTFEEDING TOO LONG, LYSA.

Sansa slap 2

THAT WAS MINE YOU LITTLE PUNK. [Notice the continuity error?]

Sansa hauls off and slaps him and a thousand people stand and cheer and don’t know why. [Continuity moment: the actor holds the wrong cheek, lol.] He runs off screaming because he’s dreadful and puling and smells of sour breast milk [HOOOARK]. Baelish slinks down the walkway towards her simpering and cooing, and wow, he basically lays it out for her after taking in her destroyed home.

“If you want to build a better home, first you must demolish the old one.”

HEY. HE IS TALKING ABOUT CATE. AND SANSA. Sansa? You in danger, gorl.

He tells her he killed Joffrey because he loved Sansa’s mom, but Sansa is Catelyn 2.0 and even better. THEN HE KISSES HER. Aaaand, there goes all the skin on my body, walking off with the heebie jeebies. AND HOLY CRAP IT’S WORSE BECAUSE LYSA IS WATCHING AHHHHHHHH!!!

SANSA. You in DANGER, gorl.

Sansa pushes away, frightened, and Petyr does some quick mental calculations on how to step up his plan.

Sansa is called in to speak with Lysa, who happens to be right by the Moon Door, and nope, that’s not ominous. I kept waving my hands to the side like Sansa was a bowling ball about to hit the gutter. Lysa’s all, “Ever see an egg hit the ground? How about a red-headed snippet? Sometimes the heads pop off. Funsies! LET’S TRY IT AGAIN.”

And then she grabs Sansa and tries to make her fly because she knows, she knows that Sansa is using her lady wiles to take away her one true love, Petyr, and no one will ever stop her from having the man she’s loved her whole life, NO ONE.

Petyr: WANNA BET? [flings her out the fucking moon door after saying yep, never loved you ever ever you crazy bitch! But not in so many words.]

Close up on Petyr’s Mockingbird pin, the sigil he chose for himself, a symbol of the house he wants to make for himself, fly away little Starling (Lysa) fly, fly. Oh, lord have mercy do not deny me the sight of Robin being flung through that damn hole. DO NOT.

LORD I ASK FOR NOTHING BUT THIS.

LORD I ASK FOR NOTHING BUT THIS.

I loved that Lysa screamed out the names of the people who stood between Petyr and the woman he loved, that those who do get in the way will die. Yep. And that’s just what happened to you, Lysa. Because he doesn’t love you, never did, and you’re too insane to know it. WOW.

Pretty big bet, Petyr, to leave Sansa alone for even a moment with Lysa knowing what she’s capable of. If he’d been just a moment late… Oooh. And I’m fairly certain Sansa knows that she’s officially out of that frying pan and in the fire.

I hope y’all know that I jumped up and screeched when Lysa fell through that damn hole. I hope y’all know that about me. And I hope you know I literally pumped my fist in the air when Oberyn said he would be Tyrion’s champion. Although, you know what? That whole speech leading up to it probably meant more to Tyrion than anything else in his entire life. Someone in power, someone of importance defended him. Is standing up for him, and has in the past. Jaime can’t – he’s cuckolded by more than just his love for Cersei. But Oberyn?

[kisses fingers] Tres magnifique! Also magnificent: the sight of Oberyn working the quarterstaff in the next episode. WHICH IS IN TWO WEEKS, NO NO NO! D:

 

Obligatory reminder since we pick up new folks every week (yay!): I am NOT a book reader. We have lively and respectful conversation here that is spoiler free. Cool people keep it that way. (And don’t hint about things in the books. It’s not necessary and it makes you look like a Try Hard. Don’t be that guy! This is about the show, and the book and the show are two different animals.)

I’m traveling all Monday, so I’ll be here to scream and flail with you kittens later, so please play nice?

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT EPISODE: THE MOUNTAIN AND THE VIPER

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  • Ivo

    Damn woman, you stayed up late to post this! Dedication = impressive, particularly since you are doing the travel thing tomorrow.

    I sometimes wonder if Littlefinger knows his own motivations all that well. I mean, yes, total Evil Overlord etc. but I do wonder if he genuinely talked himself into saving Sansa as a.) a useful pawn and b.) because she’s Cat’s girl and only on the spur of the moment decided that maybe it’s more c.) she’s insanely pretty. And I agree, it was of truly Rush-Limbaugh-does-the-limbo levels of ickiness.

    I repeat: Pedro Pascal is going to be a busy man, not only with removing fans from his person whenever he ventures out but also because he’s outstanding and he’s going to be big. Very big. Take that as you will.

    As much as I like seeing Arya stab bad guys, I do keep reminding myself that this is, by now, a very psychologically damaged little girl. Her story is so unbelievably sad in so many ways, and though we all want her to get some revenge to balance the scales, it’s just so sad that she;s killing people like it ain’t no thang.

    “(Jaime: RUDE!)” Okay, this had me choke on my blood orange soda. It wasn’t pretty.

    Hot Pie’s speech about steak and kidney pie made me realize I love kidneys and I can’t eat them because they’re made of 85% cholesterol and 15% premature death (Jack Lalanne: “You like that? Spit it out, its bad for you”).

    Your awesomeness continues to wax.

    • I did! up at 6am to catch the first leg of my trip, but Game of Thrones comes first! :D But now I’m happily ensconced in my King Suite with free wifi, so let’s talk.

      You know, I’m going to say that LF did NOT intend to use Sansa as a pawn in that series of scenes with Robin and then Lysa at the Moon Door. I think that was a case of his LittleFinger (hurr) getting the best of him and taking an opportunity to taste her sweet lips /Shakespeare and wasn’t thinking as he should have. I mean, he could have EASILY been too late to save Sansa there. Too close, says I. I do think that he’s been seeing her as Catelyn 2.0 since King’s Landing, however. He’s been witness to her quiet strength – not to mention I think he’s got a Humbert HUmbert thing going with her – Sansa’s the age Catelyn was when Baelish first declared his love to her (or to himself FOR her). GROSS.

      ALso, lol at Rush doing the limbo. EWWWW.

      I’m going to take your comment about Pedro pascal being very big as a dick joke. THAT IS JUST HOW I ROLL AND I’M SORRY I’M NOT SORRY. (I’ve had grown up drinks this evening. Forgive me.)

      Arya grows more and more wretched a thing, doesn’t she? It’s excellent television. As a mother, it’s KILLING me.

      KIDNEYS ARE SO GOOD! I used to have a hard “no filter organ” rule about the things I ate until I had them prepared properly. NOW I LOVE THEM. And you are the awesome one! I’m so glad you found this site! <3

      • Ivo

        Actually, what little I’ve seen of Pedro Pascal interviews suggests he’s a total goofball. Good lord, is there any way in which he is not awesome? Drink away, your forgiven-ness is a given.

        I think I agree with your assessment of LF’s plans being, um, bonered out of alignment. Sansa is like a do-over for him, isn’t she? A chance to correct what he sees as the Great Injustice of his life.

        Yeah, an ex-gf used to describe kidneys as “urine filters” after which its hard to get very enthusiastic about them, but clean ’em up, a little flour, fry the crap out of them with bacon and onions and I want a cigarette afterwards.

        Ohmigod, no GoT next week whaddawegonnado whaddawegonnado?

        • Lyanna Mormont

          Since we’re on the topic of the awesomeness of Pedro Pascal…

          That scene with Tyrion in the dungeon was the very first one he filmed on GoT. The first one.

          • Ivo

            I’d read that! Amazing. World = oyster.

    • Lyanna Mormont

      True story: I read “Okay, this had me choke on my blood” and did a double take. Too Westeros!

      Littlefinger probably sees no contradiction in his attitude towards Sansa. I bet he thinks he can have her in Catelyn’s stead AND as his fantasy daughter by Cat AND use her as a pawn AND teach her to play the game. He can do all the things! (I really really hope that comes back to bite him.)

  • Lyanna Mormont

    When Oberyn said he’d be Tyrion’s champion – that was such an “end of the episode” moment, you know? And then we went to the Eyrie. Yeah, we’re not settling for one emotional gut punch per episode here.

    Hot Pie, how I love you. I had NO IDEA that was coming, and it was SO GOOD to see him again. And he said Winterhell, and it’s only after Brienne says she swore to protect the Stark girls that he admits to knowing Arya, and he treats Brienne with more genuine respect than she’s probably ever been given by anyone in her life, and he actually makes me think (and type) the phrase “all the feels”, and then on top of that there was the direwolf bread. Hot Pie!

    Sandor and Arya. Man, so much good character stuff for both of them. He’ll end an old man’s pain when he can’t do it himself, he’ll snap an attacker’s neck, he’ll try to sew himself back together, but he cannot stand fire, even when he knows it’s for his own health. He can’t do it. He cracks open and spills out his truths, and he’s so vulnerable in that moment. And Arya just listens, absorbs, then helps in a way that doesn’t involve fire. He may be on her list, but she’s not going to use that vulnerability against him.

    Not sure what to think of Dany’s plan. Does she think the Masters will simply open their doors to welcome the Second Sons in? How is Daario expected to retake the city? But hey, she got laid first. Good for her. And look, a reminder that Jorah once sold people into slavery! (Man, so many callbacks in this episode. This whole season.) I wonder if Grey Worm and Missandei know about that?

    Ah, Tyrion. Jaime can’t fight for him, it would only get them both killed. (But man, the looks on their faces when considering whether it would be worth it…) Bronn won’t do it, not against the Mountain. (I have no doubt that he would’ve done it if it was Meryn Trant, but he has to draw the line at Gregor Clegane.) And then comes Oberyn, who will do it BECAUSE it’s Gregor Clegane. Oh, and can he tell a story. So many emotional triggers in there for Tyrion – what people whispered about him, how Cersei hated him even then, and Oberyn’s “It’s a monster, it’s just a baby.” Such a powerful scene, with the flickering light, and Tyrion’s face, and Oberyn’s voice. That look of utter relief from Tyrion at the end, mixed with a kind of pain that the only one who will stand up for him isn’t really doing it for him at all, but for revenge against the opposing side.

    And then Sansa, in the snow, missing her home. I am so glad they included the snow castle, it packs such an emotional punch. And that little twig for the weirwood tree. Oh, my heart. But of course Robin has to destroy it, as a reflection of how Sansa’s home and family have been destroyed, and she snaps. The perfect lady with her armor of courtesy, who survived the terror that was Joffrey by always bowing her head and saying what he wanted to hear, reaches her breaking point and smacks Robin across the face. And then she questions Creepyfinger about his motives. Spine of steel, she has, no matter how good she usually is at hiding that fact.

    But Aunt Lysa is crazy, and will get rid of anyone so she can have Precious Petyr all to herself. And Sansa is the daughter of her much-resented sister. So here, Sansa, have a closer look at the Moon Door. CLOSER! But Littlefinger steps in, and settles the matter once and for all.

    (Here was one of those few times when I’ve felt disappointed in the way they’ve changed the dialogue from the books. Readers always refer to this scene by the last thing LF says to Lysa before he shoves her. “I’ve only ever loved one woman,” he tells Lysa. “Oh, Petyr! Really? Do you swear?” “Yes, it’s true. (pause) Only Cat.” So it’s weird to get the famous “Only Cat” scene and not hear the words spoken.)

    So. We’ve got Sansa in the Vale, alone with Creepyfinger and a now motherless creepy Robin. We’ve got Arya and the Hound heading for the Vale. Now it looks like Brienne and Pod are going there too. Dun dun DUN!

    Also, trial. The Viper and the Mountain. But I will be in Tanzania when that airs, and don’t know if I’ll be able to see it. Ditto episode 9. How will I survive?

    • Lyanna Mormont

      You know, it strikes me that this episode was all about death. Not just in the way that every GoT episode has the specter of death looming over everything, but about the consequences, what it does to the people who live on. I mean, we start with Jaime saying “You threw your life away!” and end with Littlefinger literally throwing Lysa’s life away. In between, we have Catelyn’s death, Elia’s death, Joffrey’s death, Mama Lannister’s death, all shaping what’s happening in front of us. We have the death of an old man we’ve never seen before being allowed to take up quite a bit of time. Sansa mourns the death of her family and childhood, in the shape of a snow castle. The possibility of death impedes Tyrion’s search for a champion, and shapes his relationship with those he thought he could count on. We have the shadow of death hanging over the Masters of Yunkai, possibly Shireen, Falyse Stokeworth, either Gregor Clegane or Oberyn (and if the latter, Tyrion too), and quite a few people at the Wall when that attack finally comes.

      “That’s where the heart is. That’s how you kill a man.” And Arya learns quickly.

      • Lyanna Mormont

        I keep coming back to this. There are such strong themes in this episodes. Like family and betrayal. What it does to a person to be betrayed by their own family.

        Warming up with Jaime not being Tyrion’s champion. This is not as deep a betrayal as some, because really all Jaime can do is die with Tyrion, not save him. And apart from that whole “no right hand” thing, and Cersei, there’s the fact that Tyrion stands accused of killing the king, and Jaime is a member of the Kingsguard – you know, that order who exist for the sole reason of protecting the king – and has already killed one king despite it. If he fought for Tyrion, how long before the whispers began about the two of them plotting it together?

        But the Hound’s story. Now there’s betrayal. Tortured (and scarred for life, in more than one way) by his brother, and his father didn’t stand up for him. Talk about betrayal. Strongly parallelled by the story Oberyn tells about Tyrion as a baby – tortured by Cersei, betrayed by Tywin. It’s not a coincidence that these two stories are told in the same episode.

        The Tully/Stark family comes into play here too. Lysa’s whole adult life has been shaped by the way she wanted Petyr, but Petyr only wanted Cat, and Cat didn’t even love him like she did. (And if you know the backstory from the books, there’s that whole bit about her father.) We may not see that as a betrayal, but Lysa does. So when Sansa enters the picture, we repeat the story. Sansa is molested by her uncle-by-marriage, and her aunt, her last living family member (as far as she knows) threatens to kill her for it.

        [This is actually interesting – sure it looks like Lysa wants to throw Sansa out the Moon Door, but she never actually tries to do it, and all she says is LOOK! LOOK! It’s a threat, not an attempt.]

        And while it’s less overt, there’s Daenerys. She rants about the Masters of Yunkai and slavery. They buy and sell people, she says. They train little girls to pleasure old men. How did we first see Daenerys? A teenage girl being sold to a man much older than her to essentially be his sex slave, by her brother, her only living relative. (For all that she may have later fallen in love with Khal Drogo, that is how things began.) It’s definitely a betrayal, by the only family she had. And who’s the closest thing to a family that she has now? Ser Jorah, who she knows once sold people into slavery. Yeah, Viserys’s betrayal messed her up.

        • Ivo

          Nobody can mess you up like family can.

    • “Yeah, we’re not settling for one emotional gut punch per episode here.” Wow, isn’t that the truth!? Maybe that’s why greedy people are so pissy, calling eps “filler” because they want fourteen “I WILL BE YOUR CHAMPION” moments per episode? Brats, the lot of them. ;)

      I did appreciate the reminder of Jorah’s tainted past, as well. It’s a steady reminder that no one in this show is all one thing or another. (Except for the Bolton bastard. He’s all rotten.) I’m glad Dany got laid on her own terms, too! I took – whether this is correct or not, I have no idea – away from Daario and the Second Sons job that they may have to kill to get control, but from THAT point, it’s a Census on “Cake or Death?” for the remaining Masters.
      DIDN’T THE WEIRWOOD TREE/TWIG BREAK YOUR HEART?! What a wonderful (and sad) reminder that Sansa is still just a child, a child who has lost EVERYTHING. And how calmly she takes it, too? “When will you go back there?” “Probably never,” she just sighs, resigned.

      Oh, I can imagine that read beautifully! For me – since I had no inkling of how it was in the book – with the long scene with Robin, then Petyr and Lysa watching – so much momentum was built up that my breath was stuck in my throat when Petyr said, “My sweet, silly wife” and began whispering to her – then SHOVE. I liked the pacing of it. But again, I totally respect that when you’re reading the book, having those moments drawn out is simply delicious. MAN, I CANNOT WAIT TO GET TO READ THEM EVENTUALLY!! I was talking to a complete stranger about that on my flight today, in fact, hahaha. I AM OBSESSED.

      Tanzania?! First, awesome! I hope you have a fabulous and safe trip! Second, I WILL BE HERE WAITING FOR YOU WHEN YOU RETURN.

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Jorah’s past is totally the next Chekhov’s gun. It’s been referred to so often in the past few episodes, between the Small Council last episode and now this scene.

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Yep, going to Tanzania for two weeks plus as part of my Global Health course, to study the health care system in a low income country up close. I’m looking forward to it so much! (Even if right now I’m in the panic-OMG-thisisactuallyhappening-I’mnotready-OMG-panic! phase.) I can’t quite wrap my head around it being real.

        But, you know, low income country. Not exactly the kind of access to computers and internet that I’m used to…

        (OMG I’m going to Tanzania!)

        • GOOD LUCK!! That is amazing, and I hope it turns out to be a fantastic experience for you. We’ll be here ready for you – you’re one of the best contributors! <3

        • Ivo

          Wow, how cool! Al I know about Tanzania is that it used to be called Deutsch Ost-Afrika and Zanzibar. Have fun and take your shots.

    • Ivo

      Hurm. I wonder if all Tywin has to do is write a letter to Dany saying “By the way, your chosen knight is my paid bitch” to destroy the trust in that relationship and strip Dany of one of her assets with nothing more than a letter…

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Well, he’d probably have to give some specifics in order to convince her. And she did dismiss Jorah’s past history of selling people into slavery because he’s done good things since. But then this would be a much more personal betrayal…

  • I make no secret of my confusion over Baelish. I have a weird love and fascination for him, even as I recognize just how evil and sleazy he is. But I realized–the man has charm. And I watched him kiss Sansa last night, and I my immediate reaction was not the GROSS it should have been. No, I wanted Sansa to kiss back. To feel something for him and join his evil crusade and take her pain and accomplish great things with it.

    But ew, right? He is seriously slimy. But he has such twisted charisma that I was seeing things his way, wishing he’d succeed, empathizing with him. And honestly, between him and Lysa, I’ll cheer for him. I screamed and punched the crap out of my husband’s arm when he pushed her, after about three seconds of chanting, “Oh my god is he going to push her omg omg omgomg OMG HE DID” and all I wanted THEN was to see Sansa. Because there it is, right before her. Petyr has killed from the shadows, through others, let them do his dirty work, and she saw that. But now she’s seen him do it with her own hands.

    And I’m pretty sure that next time (and I say this unspoiled and not a book reader so pure spec) she’ll lie for him. He saved her, more than once, and while he’s definitely Bad Touching shes a smart girl and I think she’s on her way to being black as Arya inside about survival–she’ll do what she has to do. She survivied Joffrey, she survivied Cersei’s, she survived marriage to Tyrion, she survived and survived and survived. She knows how to play that game. I just realized that I want her to want something for once, and get it. And that combined with my confused feelings toward wanting Baelish to be on my screen and makes me want her to use him and his weird love and step on him on her way up. I don’t think she’s devious enough, at least not yet, maybe not ever, but I don’t know. I’d like to see Sansa out-maneuver everyone and end up on top.

    • The thing with Baelish and his sleeze/charm – if he wasn’t charming, he wouldn’t be effective, right? That’s what’s so disarming for me. That easy-going smile, always with the right word, the right gift… and none of it’s genuine. GAH. And I have to laugh and giggle with you over wanting Sansa to join him for evil doings. Hahahaha! <3 "Twisted Charisma." If that isn't a glam metal band name by the end of the week, I'll eat my hat. I want to play electric triangle, okay?

      I totally think Sansa will lie for him, too. Because it's down to a choice between Robin and Baelish, isn't it? Yeah, I'd pick LF over that any damn day. I also love your desire for her to use HIM. OH, HOW GLORIOUS WOULD THAT BE?!?!

    • Ivo

      *vigorous nodding*

      Ow. My neck.

  • Colleen

    Fabulous recap!! It was so awesome to wake up to this, thanks Laura!! Great laughs!!

    Couple of things I loved… did you notice that Cersei giving ZERO fucks as she walked right over human entrails? That about sums up her character in one quick shot.

    I love Podrick Payne. I am going to get that on a tshirt. He and Brienne are the best. The eye rolling made my night.

    You know what I love about Oberyn? Not only is he smoking hot, but he seems to be one of the only decent people in Westeros. Dorne seems like a decent place. Love people, take care of little kids, avenge your family… good people, the Dornish. Tyrion, you are the best of us, and thank you Peter Dinklage for two weeks in a row of me crying.

    TEAM SANSA. JFC, thank you so much that we will never need to watch breast feeding on this show again. I’ve ten bucks that now that Sansa knows Littlefinger’s game, she’s going to come out on top.

    • Hey! Oh, it’s so gratifying to know that my staying up late was for the good of you laughing! BEST THING EVER. <3

      OMG, Cersei stepping over entrails is the greatest thing ever. EVER. And so agreed on Oberyn being a decent person, one of the few there are. I'm sure we'll find he eats live puppies eventually, but for now: LET US HAVE THIS BLESSED MAN.

      I will put $5 down behind that 10 of yours, just so you know. *taps nose*

    • Lyanna Mormont

      Pod, Brienne and Hot Pie were a fantastic trio. So good. The looks exchanged, Hot Pie’s babbling, him suddenly clamming up at the mention of Starks…

      Yes, Dorne. DORNE. And the apparent equality is another big thing in their favor. Ellaria is allowed to be every bit as sexual as Oberyn, without stigma. And they don’t look down on bastards based on an accident of birth.

  • Maxwell James

    [I am a huge nerd. You should know this by now.]

    If FCM ends up burning Newt, I swear to Gods, GAME OVER, MAN. GAME OF THRONES OVER.

    This show seriously needs a Ripley to come in, take charge, and get shit straightened out. Though perhaps that’s Oberyn’s job. His virtuous hottitude does indeed bypass all categorical norms. Which is to say that even though I don’t swing that way, if he snaps his finger at me, I’ll say sure.

    She wears black on the outside ’cause black is how she feels on the inside.

    Internet really needs get get on making a GoT cut of this.

    Have a great vacation! You’re leaving at the right time (at least, assuming you’ll be back for the UTTER INSANITY that begins again in two weeks). Until then, bar the doors, shutter the windows, deactivate your Twitter account, and HAVE FUN!

    • I didn’t even have to click that link to know it was Bill Paxton. And you used the one with the bonus “MOSTLY” from Newt! I am beaming at you for your brilliance in linking.

      Maybe we’ll get Oberyn strapping into a Dragon skeleton yelling, “GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BITCH!” Probably not, although I would pay good money to see it.

      (And that’s the best version of Hurt, hands down. WHY ISN’T THERE A FANVID TO THAT?)

      I’ll be back by the end of the week so that I can stare at my blank TV this Sunday, crying with need. But good point on deactivating Twitter. People are sure to go bananas without their fix…

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Agreed – best Hurt ever.

  • Magamus

    The only thing of importance on this episode was
    a) HOTAATATATA PAIAIIAIAIIIAAAAA! (I want him as my chef)
    b) Manbutt, this season got the most male nudity
    c) Dany being all “women can have sex without getting raped, FYI!”

    • MANBUTT. That should be a Cop Show on TNT. The closer could be Sergeant Manbutt (divorced, married to his job, hits the booze hard) scratching his bare ass as he stares at the evidence on his coffee table, murmuring, “Gettin’ too old for this shit.”

      YOUR C IS PERFECT AND TRUE.

      • Ivo

        The ass jokes would practically write themselves!
        “But Sarge..”
        “Prlwtzkovsky, you’re being a pain in the ass. And with me, that’s PERSONAL!”

    • Lyanna Mormont

      Not only can women have sex without being raped, but they don’t have to be ashamed of it or apologize for it afterwards!

      • Ivo

        Why do you hate America?

        • Lyanna Mormont

          Heh. Not being American, I felt the need to look that up to make sure it meant what I thought it did. And it does!

          Yeah, this episode had women unashamedly embracing their sexuality, which was made all the more obvious by the cut from Dany and Daario to Melisandre in her bath talking to Selyse about sex with Stannis.

          • Ivo

            Not being American either, I don’t know what I’m talking about here half the time. On the plus side, I get to make jokes about ancient European grudges a lot. (“Those damn Belgians. They were on the WRONG SIDE during the Eighty Years War (1568-1648)”.)

  • Katy

    TEAN SANSA FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER

    I may have clapped and bounced in fangirlish glee when Lysa flew. And I was thinking about you the whole time.

    I’m not a fan of Daario but I do like that Dany is getting hers. Come here Jorah, I’ll make it all better.

    If you think you like Oberyn now……*FANS SELF*

    • I LOVE THAT YOU THOUGHT OF ME. I, too, am not totally on board the Daario Ship, although he’s not offensive or anything. He’s just… Well, he’s no Oberyn. AM I RIGHT?

  • Alison

    If Peter Dinklage doesn’t get an Emmy and Golden Globe for this season, there is something seriously wrong with the selection committees.

    • How do I rubber stamp your petition to insure this happens?? BECAUSE I WILL. I AGREE.

  • Tiffany

    GAME OVER MAN…is what I’m thinking will happen if Stannis gets wind of what the Red Lady is trying to do with his Newt.

    After the first season of GOT I voraciously read all the books but I have to say, once I started rolling with the punches of the show, I have REALLY enjoyed the changes and it makes it a whole kinda new story.

    Holy smokes, men of Game of Thrones! It was a powerhouse night for the fellas. Dario and his lust for Dany (palpable), Jorah and his love of Dany (unending), Hound and his loneliness (surly solitude), Jamie and Tyrions love for each other (the only true affection they’ve probably only known and yet don’t even know it, sniffle sniffle) and of course Oberyn Martells smoldering righteousness (smoke is still wafting gently from ears – especially when he says “that’s not a monster I told Cersei that’s just a baby…” I had to look up at the ceiling and fight back the tears..than Tyrions eyes were welling up…my husband woke up to be sniffing and rubbing my nose …

    And Sansa really is beautiful..
    I don’t know is Petyr knows his own motives. I think he may have ultimately done all of this (war, etc) for Cate the same way Bronn is going to marry Lollys and get rid of the older sister but I think cate was never suppose to come to Kings Landing and get involved – I haven’t thought that all way thru – but think on that people!!

    Anyways a lot of sniffing and fist pumping!!

    • Ivo

      That’s an interesting question: was Ned Stark supposed to come to KL alone, die there in some train wreck of nobility and then leave Cat free to remarry, was that Littlefinger’s plan? Maybe he’s been improvising ever since Cat showed up at KL.

      • Ooooh. That IS an interesting question!! Now I’m going to think long and hard on that. I think this two week hiatus warrants a rewatch of S1!

      • Ivo

        Danger: book-related back story in this post.

        I vaguely recall that LF got beat up by a Stark when he was crushing on Cat, but I seem to recall it was the older brother, Brandon Stark, who did the beating. Brandon Stark died along with his dad during one of the Mad King’s madder moments and I suddenly find myself wondering where Littlefinger was at that time…was he whispering in Aerys’ ear? Or did he only rise to prominence under Robert Baratheon?Makes you wonder just how far back his Master Plan For Vengeance On Everyone And The Starks In Particular goes….

        • LEW

          Brandon himself was only 20 when he died, and it was shortly after that duel with Littlefinger when the news came out that Lyanna had been kidnapped by Rhaegar, prompting Brandon and Poppa Stark to attempt to rescue her from King’s Landing. Of course, Rhaegar wasn’t there, and so they were then killed by Aerys. I don’t know exactly how much time elapsed, or just how wily the Wee Baelish might have been, but he was described as being “much younger” than Brandon at the time of the duel.

          And of course, made serious gains on the power front years later, when Lysa had her new husband Jon Arryn make Petyr Customs Counter Guy at Gulltown.

          But I’m sure it started there. I’m sure, at least, that’s where he learned that honorable fighting will get you very little indeed.

          • Ivo

            Ah okay. So he really couldn’t have been behind the elder Stark’s death. Or IS THAT WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO THINK?

    • I get the impression that Stannis wouldn’t be too put out as long as Melisandre is all “The Lord of Light says I should throw Newt into a crocodile-infested bathtub after electrocuting her.” Which is why I’m not totally on the Stannis train. (Except, hmm. That’s not fair. The wife is the one who wants to throw her through the Moon Door. But still. I think FCM could convince Stannis of anything.)

      “The only true affection they’ve [Jamie and Tyrion] probably only known and yet don’t even know it” WAAAAAAH! D: That’s totally accurate and heartbreaking. And the men really delivered this episode, didn’t they?

      I think Petyr planned a lot – except he didn’t plan on falling in love [obsession] with Sansa. <-- cheesy Harlequin Romance Tag Line of Truth. I, too, was sniffing and fist pumping! YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

      • Lyanna Mormont

        I totally think Shireen would be where Stannis draws the line. He’s not good at the whole love thing, but he’s put as much of it as he’s capable of into her. That scene between the two of them last year… it reminded me of some people I’ve known. Men of a certain generation, who have never been shown love openly so they don’t know how it’s done, but they definitely feel it. They just don’t have the langauge for showing affection.

        • I do agree with you here on all points. Well, let me say that I HOPE my agreeing with you proves true. I’m still waiting for Stannis to wow me. He remains the one character I’m still shrugging over. (Not that it’s me being angry with him or not liking him, I just haven’t been wowed by him like i have with virtually every other main character.)

      • Ivo

        One of the interesting questions about Stannis is if he really is a totally brain-washed Red God acolyte, or if he will actually rediscover a personal morality again. Who knows, Newt could be the catalyst for such a moment.
        My impression of him was that he was more a pragmatic follower: FCM gets shit done.

  • Hexonx

    Great point about the Hound. You know, it is interesting to compare Arya’s future self with her various mentors. First there is Syrio, who had an almost wide eyed adventurous spirit that Arya had at that time and we kind of see future Arya as an adventurous swashbuckling type. Then she loses her father and is whisked out of King’s Landing by Yoren. Yoren is a skilled fighter with a sad back story like Arya now has. But he is still an honorable man with a purpose and we kind of see Arya’s future sway more to a sad hero type that will fight for and protect the weak. Then we see her more as an assassin out for revenge type in the future with her Jaqen scenes but still one that would kill for the “right” reasons. The Brotherhood then started swaying her future towards a more mercenary type of assassin who would kill for the “right” reasons, for a price. And now with the Hound we can see her maybe move towards becoming more of a cold hearted killer type, as you say, a former damaged child trying to survive.

    • Oh, how perfect! Every person (all men) who Arya meets affects her in a way, shaping and molding this person she’s becoming. Instead we now have two people who look more alike, a mirror of one another if you look just right. :( Gosh, what a great character she is. (As is the Hound!) She makes my heart heart (but my writerly brain is happy!).

    • Lyanna Mormont

      Yes, this. And it goes all the way back to Ned as her first mentor. Ned, Syrio, Yoren, Jaqen, the Hound… they’ve all shaped her, but with each step she’s getting further away from where she began.

      (I sort of wish she’d get a female role model as well. Like Brienne. Brienne would do nicely. Except Brienne would want to SAVE her, and I’m not sure Arya could allow herself to be saved.)

  • Chris

    Okay, I loved the Aliens references…. and Ghost.
    But “put them all in the cornfield?”
    You have got to be WAY too young for that!
    Pretty good one out of left field. Bravo

    • Haha, Chris, I didn’t think ANY of these whippersnappers would catch that reference! :D SIde note, the 1984 Twilight Zone movie had one really amazingly disturbing shot – when they cut to the little boy’s sister upstairs watching Wacky Cartoons with crazed, mad eyes and her mouth sewn shut. STILL gives me shivers!

      (Mostly. /Newt)

  • Gail

    I gotta say, I’ve been waiting for Oberyn’s talk with Tyrion from as soon as the season started. And I was not disappointed. Mr. Dinklage better get an Emmy nom, I swear, or things will be set on FIRE. His

    • Gail

      ahaha hit the wrong button while typing argh.

      Anyway. His face, dear lord. I was tearing up there because he was breaking my heart without even saying a word. What magnificent, heartbreaking acting there.

      And Lysa, damn, lady. You are frightening and I will NOT miss you. Although poor poor Sansa! The words I kept wanting to put into her mouth (well, her thoughts) as she sat there recovering from THAT WHOLE SCENE was “What is my life?” Brienne, hurry to the Eyrie and RESCUE HER from this madness!

      Hot Pie was so welcome. His wolf bread! <3

      (Also, now I've got that Carly Simon song in my head and it is totally your fault. You and your music refs. :P)

      • Peter Dinklage has been killing it this season. Just broke my heart. And yep, just looking at him being upset was upsetting me!

        CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW WONDERFUL SANSA AND BRIENNE WOULD BE AS BEST FRIENDS?

        (OMG, now I have to remember what Carly Simon song I infected you with!! AHahaha, I’m damaged goods, y’all.)

        • Gail

          Shoot, I’d do more than imagine them as best friends: I’d freaking ship them. xD BRIENNA AS SANSA’S FAIRY TALE KNIGHT, OKAY. I can see it. And love it foreverrrrr.

          (Mock. Yeah! Ing. Yeah! Bird. Yeah! Yeah. YEAH.)

          • Gail

            Brienna? what. *shakes fist at self*

            • Hahha, I knew who you meant! And yeah – I could TOTALLY ship that, too.

      • Lyanna Mormont

        That scene was the perfect example of why book readers should be very careful about going all “It happened differently in the books” with show watchers. This whole story was told by Oberyn when he and Tyrion first met in the books. So if a book reader said “They didn’t show this thing, let me tell you all about it” after the first episode, then it wouldn’t be the same thing when this aired.

        So, fellow book readers, remember that we (almost) never know what will be added in at a DIFFERENT point in the timeline, and let’s stay clear of “casually mentioning” things that may yet end up as spoilers. Mmmkay?

  • Rhaenys

    Just wanted you to know that I couldn’t find my way back to this website this week (could NOT remember the damn URL, and stupidly didn’t bookmark it) until I asked my roomie of she remembered any phrases from last week’s summary, as I have read several out loud to her. She did , thank the old gods. A Google search for “grand pop-pop Tywin” got me back here, just FYI. In other words: YOU RULE as so your recaps.

    I’m a crazed book reader, so TV-only viewers aren’t usually that exciting to listen to, but youre so enthusiastic and paying so much attention to detail that it’s fantastic to hear your thoughts! Very satisfying — I’ve been quoting you to my GoT viewing peeps, because of AWESOME. Keep it coming!

    • THAT IS MY LEGACY: GRANPOPPOP TYWIN. Ahaha, that’s awesome!! I’m so glad you found your way back! :D

      Can I just say how grateful I am to you as a book reader for letting me spazz all over the place even though you know what’s to come? You guys are the best. And I’m doubly happy that you’re entertained! Thanks so much for that!

  • LEW

    Hello again!

    I like that perhaps the most apt sigil of any house is the one that Baelish picked for himself. It really speaks to the power of self-promotion and self-assurance in a world dominated by ostensibly almighty families and their all-important legacies.

    The Lannisters, for all their (fool’s) gold and influence, and the Starks for all that honor and loyalty, have nothing on the guy who has only ever acted solely for himself. He’s the most effective, successful character so far, and it’s all because Mister is Doin’ It For Himself.

    So. The impending trial by combat. I was excited to see Oberyn’s Declaration of Championship, and I like the way they’ve been setting up the Mountain (terror, terror, terror). AND THAT’S ALL I’M GOING TO SAY.

    Seriously, I’m going to spoil things if I reveal any feelings one way or another.

    So, moving on- Arya and the Hound. I feel like they’re really fleshing out the mutual respect and learning the two get from one another. Arya’s becoming stronger, but less human, while the Hound is becoming more human, but weaker (now with that uncauterized wound, literally, physically). It makes you wonder what would happen to each when they lose the other. And what either one would say if you implied they needed the other.

    Well, the Hound would probably tell you to go fuck yourself.

    As for Jon at the Wall, it’s nice to see him take on that necessary leadership, even as those around him doubt and dismiss. Earlier, before the Wildlings, before Sam, before Ned’s death, he would have bristled and sulked and thought himself too above his situation to keep fighting. Now, he’s taking the licks, following the rules, and trying again. He’s knows he’s right, but he also knows how to play the game. Who says the Wall is too far removed from all the King’s Landing drama?

    Damn. I forgot how many things happened in this episode. This comment is already so long. Oh well.

    Speaking of removed from the central drama, it looks like Dany’s starting to bring the courtly intrigue of King’s Landing to Meereen. And the bare asses. And the petty jealousies. And eternal conflict between impulse and deliberation.

    Dany certainly has a preference, even if she can see the value of the other. That is why she’s still in Meereen, after all.

    Important question: If Pod and Brienne are Jeeves and Wooster, who is who? Pod’s certainly got the Laurie-Goofball face, but Brienne’s got the haircut. But she’s also got the Jeeves stoicism.

    All I know for sure is that Hot Pie is Baldrick.

    Oh wait, wrong reference!

    So, Lysa. I’m actually kind of surprised at the lack of sympathy she’s getting. I mean, of course, she’s crazypants. Of course, she’s jealous and vindictive and murderous. But she’s driven to it by love for Petyr, and for Robin. She’s kept isolated and ignorant, her whole existence based in waiting for someone to finally come and not just use her, but love her.

    I guess I just don’t really see the difference between her and Cersei. Is Cersei more sane? Is she less monstrous? Is it the breastfeeding?

    Or is it simply the altitude?

    Anyway, great recap as usual! Thanks for getting it up so fast. And thanks for the Jeeves and Wooster reference.

    Pip pip!

    • Lyanna Mormont

      You cannot give up on the turnip!

      And yes, Arya and the Hound slowly moving closer on the spectrum is beautiful – but also terrifying. That little girl shouldn’t be becoming more and more like a scarred, hardened child killer like the Hound.

      Good point about Jon growing up. I gotta admit to being less invested in him than in most other characters on the show, due to his Hero-ness, but I still want him to kick all their asses for being idiots. And he has Ghost and Sam, who I love, so.

      One big difference between Lysa and Cersei is that we’ve spent time with Cersei. We’ve seen her vulnerable and hurt and grieving, we’ve seen her frustration and desperation and fear. We never had the same kind of investment in Lysa.

    • Interesting that when you look at Lions (Lannister’s sigil), it’s the women who get things done. The men are all bluster and inaction, yet take the credit for the hard work. =/

      There really was so, so much that happened this episode, right? (I don’t know HOW people can call them “filler.” I mean, okay, if you consider the load bearing walls in a house “filler?”) I feel so much for Jon – and cannot WAIT until he’s face to face with Ygritte again. AHHH!!

      Your comment “Is she less monstrous? It is the breastfeeding? Or is it simply the altitude?” made me snort my coffee. I think there is a definite cog slipped with her as opposed to Cersei’s cunning. Not to say that Lysa isn’t cunning, she’s just not as much as Cersei. Plus, it’s wrapped in a guise of motherly tenderness and concern. Cersei doesn’t show concern for anyone unless it’s her own child. Lysa’s unhinged mind is front and center, where Cersei is just angry and bitter. For me there’s a difference.

      I love finding a fellow Wodehouse enthusiast!

      • LEW

        I don’t know about the Lady Lion Lannisters getting shit done over the men. There’s really just the one, and she’s arguably the least effective of the lot.

        I mean, could we really call Tywin all-bluster? Jaime? Even Tyrion killed a guy with a shield that one time…

        Not to mention he saved the city.

        Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m normally all about powerful women showing the men how things should be. I just don’t think that’s the case with the Lannisters. Quite the opposite.

        This whole question seems to come down to the fact that I have always had trouble sympathizing with, or showing respect for Cersei. It’s a personal bias thing, that I can best describe thusly: she’s always been so bitter and resentful about the fact that she was born a woman, without seeing the value of it (like Sansa, or Dany) or challenging the expectations of it (like Brienne or Arya). All of her political power, cunning, and courage is dependent on the powerful men in her family. It’s as if she’s resigned to the fact that the most power she can have is power in service to those men. She actively plots for her further subjugation.

        I just really wish someone like Sansa or Dany or Brienne or Arya, or hell, even Tyrion, could really show her how to own herself, alone. But she would hate them for it.

        Oh God…Cersei is Princeton Mom!

        Lysa, on the other hand, is just pathetic. I feel bad for her in a way I don’t feel bad for Cersei, because she closed herself off, disarmed herself, and drove herself insane all for a man she loved and a choice she made. Lysa put it all down on love, and lost. It’s a sad act of willing self-destruction (especially with some book backstory I’m trying to forget), whereas Cersei’s is an actively hateful one.

        That’s just my interpretation, though. And I’m one of those people who loves a good challenge to my worldview. Or Westerosview. Or whatever.

  • Ivo

    Blackadder references! You now have me feverishly trying to identify the Prince George and Major Darling equivalents in GoT.

    • LEW

      Prince/Lieutenant George was obviously Robb Stark, before his untimely end, and Major Darling is easily Grand Maester Pycelle. Or, alternatively Tycho Nestoris.

      But only because I’ve always felt that Mark Gatiss bears an uncanny resemblance to a young Tim McInnerny.

      Blackadder himself is, quite naturally, Tyrion Lannister.

  • Richard

    Great recap as always Laura :D

    Some relevant info on LF’s motivation by GRRM himself is on youtube on the official GoT channel. To summarize a bit, LF himself doesn’t really know his true feelings regarding Sansa. Sometimes he sees her as a little peon for him to move around, in other times his paternal instinct kicks in thinking of her as a daughter that should have been born to him (in a just world according to him) and very rarely he’ll see a younger/hotter version of Catelyn which is how that impulsive kiss happened.

    I felt sorry for Lysa. She truly sacrificed everything she ever had for the one man she loved who only used her and discarded her like a toilet tissue. It doesn’t help the show portrayed her as batshit crazy but letting her know before tossing her was just the sort of knife twist that evil bastard LF would do.

    As for your man crush Oberyn, some little factoids that the show prob won’t be able to fit in via the usual sexpositions.

    1. Oberyn is an accomplished fighter like Bronn and his specialty is actually a spear not a quarterstaff as you put in your recap :P

    2. In his teenage years, he banged one of his lord’s paramour, a casual duel ensued to satisfy their “honor” since no lord would actually kill the crown prince’s brother. Oberyn however used the opportunity to use poison on his weapons which killed his opponent. This is where he earned his “Red Viper” of Dorne nickname and his bastard daughters the awesome Sand Snakes monickers.

    3. His older brother the ruling prince Doran sent him away in exile for several years to “repair” the damage done from that duel. He first went to study at the Citadel to become a maester, forged 6 links before he got bored.
    So he’s got brains behind those piercing eyebrows :D

    4. He then went to the disputed lands in Essos where he joined the Second Sons for a while before forming his own mercenary company. Killing/Fucking everything in his way before he returned to Dorne years later. This is where he gets his swag, because he knows he’s a complete badass.

    This time of year is the most depressing time, when I realize i’ll have to wait ANOTHER @#$@#@ YEAR after 3 more episodes…………… :(

    • Ivo

      Hey, look on the bright side: GRRM could surprise us all and release “The Winds of Winter” this summer.

      …I’ll get my coat.

    • Hey, Richard! Thank you!

      I’m getting (from the show) a very Humbert Humbert vibe from LF with regards to Sansa. Which, eww. (Ugh, do not get my started on Lolita or I’ll rant and rave for days.) But as I mentioned in another comment, I do think this kissing her took even him by surprise. I don’t think he intended to do that or rather, I don’t think that was a part of his Grand Scheme.

      Lysa is absolutely a person who has been poorly treated and misused. Then again, she did poison her husband to be with her lover, so her sympathy peters out with me after a point. Something at some point went horribly wrong with her – we don’t know what that was as show watchers, so I can only base my opinion of her on what I saw. And while I clearly enjoyed watching her on my screen, I don’t know that I would have reached a hand out to catch her, had I been a fellow character. (And not just because to cross Baelish is a fool’s game!)

      Now, how am I supposed to know from a two second clip that he was using a spear? ;D ALso, it’s so rare that I get the chance to use “quarterstaff” in daily conversation…

      UGH, NOTHING IS WORSE THAN YEARS OF WAITING FOR BOOKS. It’s so damn depressing. At least GRRM has told the HBO execs/writers how he wants it to end in case he kicks it? D:

      • Richard

        I completely agree that Lysa wasn’t a “good” person. Just someone completely blinded by love to the point of insanity. I can only imagine how rough it was for women in medieval societies, they never get a choice on their path of life. Not sure if you’re interested in a bit of a background story on Lysa (since you’ll eventually read the books). So skip the next part if you don’t want to read it but it’s not spoilery towards the show.
        <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
        LF only met the Tully sisters because his dad was a war buddy of Hoster Tully (the guy that died of old age who got the boat funeral). As custom Hoster agreed to foster/raise LF with his betters as a favor to LF’s father. LF grew to have a huge crush on the daughter who he couldn’t have/rejected him (Catelyn) but didn’t rebuff his own stalker in Lysa.

        Hoster Tully negotiated an alliance with the Starks by marrying off Catelyn to Brandon (Ned’s older/Oberyn-esque brother). Being naive and in love LF challenged Brandon to a duel for Cat’s hand. Imagine a fight between Steve Urkel vs The Rock with a temper. Brandon would have killed him but Cat begged for his life – scarring/emasculating LF forever for “take pity on the foolish boy”.

        After getting the nastiest wound he was nursed back by Lysa, where she “comforted” him. Which resulted in her getting pregnant and pissed off her Dad to no end. LF was a clever boy but still a son of a very minor lordling, not fit to marry even the second daughter of a major house. So he got shipped out, and Daddy Tully sent maesters to perform a Westeros abortion on Lysa. Jon Arryn meanwhile had the misfortune of not being able to produce an heir as his wives were barren. Hoster then made the best of the situation by shipping off Lysa to the Vale (since she proved to be fertile).

        So losing the love of her life (LF), her lovechild, forced into a marriage to a man who could be her grandfather and cooped up in the lonely mountain is probably what culminated into her evolution as Gollum without the Ring. So to finally see her precious comeback to her is what prompted her craziness/paranoia to the next level.
        <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

        This is why I loved the books so much, for the first time a fantasy writer started asking all the uncomfortable questions that felt realistic. Lysa ultimately might not deserve complete sympathy but she’s just a victim of being born in the wrong era. The same way Cercei rages at the impotence of not being born a man.

        • Re: Lysa’s backstory. Oh, that makes so much sense!!! I know that we just can’t get all of these details in the show, being what it is, but this gets me so excited to be able to read the books one day. Aww, Richard, you’re a gem for getting me this info. And I especially appreciate that you gave me non-spoilery info! <3 <3 <3

          I do love that these uncomfortable questions are finally being asked, too. I just got back from a lovely Central Park lunch where I waxed philosophic about this show, about how I feel GRRM is really trying to subvert the norm of how women/POC are treated and make people uncomfortable, make them take stock for what those atrocities/behaviors really do, how they really affect everyone.

          And I've said it before, and I'll say it again: with the exception of Ramsay Bolton, everyone is a little bit of a saint and sinner. They're all heroes and villains - it just depends on how you're looking at it. AKA: yes, sir, I agree with you. :)

        • LEW

          I could be wrong about this, but I believe it’s heavily implied, that Petyr was under the drugged, delirious impression that the night after the duel, when he was being Florence Nightingaled by Lysa, he was actually sleeping with Cat. He boasts in public, and in private, that both Tully sisters lost their virginities to him.

  • Lee No

    Hilarious recap, as always, thanks so much for taking the time :D

    I’m not sure about Dany’s strategy, even with how she interpreted Jorah’s advice. “If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed!” Only a Sith deals in absolutes, Dany. Plus, I felt the bone she threw Jorah “But tell him you are the most trusted person to guard my friendzone” was a bit cruel, she’s totally stringing him along (though it’s probably clever to do so, since he’s a smart advisor).

    There is no awesomeness greater than that of Oberyn Martell. Also hilarious: He hates the “Lannister accent”, which I think is fair if you ever heard him say “Lord Tywin” or “Lady Cersei”, everything sounds so much cooler when he says it…

    Cruel siblings: Cersei and the Mountain are a good match, no?

    And Littlefinger. I love that scene and love what they have done with it. I think Sansa can only grow from this. And, twisted as it may be, she can learn a lot from being near LF. In a way, he totally saved her, Lysa would have snapped at the next opportunity and come after Sansa again. In his head, he probably has a chart with every person in Westeros on it as well as their usefulness and expendability percentages. Sorry Lysa, your ratings just got you cancelled.

    And what is that I hear about TWO WEEKS?!??!?!!? TELL ME IT ISN’T TRUE :'(

    • Hahaha, now I’m picturing Dany, aged, wrinkled, wearing a cloak, and telling one of the Masters, “And now…you…will…DIE!” and dragon fire leaps from her fingers. Chancellor Dany-tine!

      Oberyn knows how to put an accent on a vowel, let’s just get real. THE MAN CAN SPEAK. I’d listen to him read road signs out loud to me.

      I think Sansa is going to grow up from this, too, and FAST. She’s become more and more clever by virtue of living in KL, and under Baelish’s tutelage (eesh), she’s going to become more savvy and more cunning. I HOPE, AT LEAST.

    • Lyanna Mormont

      I don’t agree that Dany is stringing Jorah along. She gives him friendship and respect and affection, but has never done anything to suggest he might get more than that. It’s his choice to take it or leave it, and he chooses to take it.

      And yes, I LOVE what they’re doing with Oberyn to challenge the white-centric attitude. In his first appearance, he called that Lannister soldier a “small pink man” and now he comments on the accents of the people of the Westerlands. It’s not that Oberyn is brown or has an accent, you see, because of course that’s what’s normal to him, so it’s others that are pink, and sound strange. It’s quietly subversive, in the same way as him questioning why not everyone is bisexual, because surely that’s the only sensible way to be.

      Two weeks. Just like before The Rains of Castamere last year. Don’t want to air a major episode of GoT on a big American holiday, after all, because the viewing numbers will go down, and people will spoil each other, and so on.

      • (jumping in to high five you on your commentary about Oberyn and his subversive twist to the white-centricness of this genre)

        (jumping back out)

        • Lyanna Mormont

          I sometimes indulge in thoughts about how I’d like to write an epic medieval-ish fantasy series which is set in a warm climate where there are no winters and no snow, just rainy seasons and dry seasons, and everybody has tan skin, dark hair and dark eyes, and the society is matriarchal and matrilineal (but men have important positions too), and same-sex couples are highly valued because they can be counted on to help provide for their nephews and nieces. I’ve spent some time (on buses and trains, mostly) doing a bit of world-building.

          But then I always run into the same snag, which is that there should probably be some kind of STORY, too… :P

          • Ivo

            Easy. Invasion by racist, homophobic, mysogynist barbarians from the Cold North.

            Hmm. I think that’s most of Michael Moorcock’s early work.

            • Lyanna Mormont

              No, no. There ARE no racist homophobic misogynist barbarians! Not in this world. It’s not intended as a political diatribe, more of a “See, those things you take for granted aren’t really needed.”

              There would still be conflicts, of course. Cultural divides like whether the inheritance should be divided equally, or go mostly to one daughter, and if it’s the latter, should it be the oldest or the one most suited for it? And how do you decide who’s most suited? Men who married would be expected to give their loyalty to the new family, but would of course still feel connected to their old one.

              And religious disputes over stupid minor differences in interpretation. In an old world I “built” as a teenager – which was every bit as white-centric and Tolkienesque as you might expect from a teenager – I had this system of six gods, three male and three female. There was the good old Mother-Maiden-Crone, and a male equivalent of Father-Youth-Elder. I planned a backstory of religious wars over whether they should be treated as two trinities (male/female) or three pairs (adolescents/adults/elders). I’d snicker happily to myself as I pictured readers going “Well, that’s just ridiculous! …. Oh.”

              • Ivo

                Sort of Gourd vs. Sandal conflicts. Nice!

                I see what you mean now. An external threat is always an easy way to generate story, but it’s much more interesting to do it within a perfectly sane, balanced society. Since I have low expectations of people, I’m afraid they’d find something else to be fucking horrible about. Hair color! Breakfast preferences! Wasn’t there someone who said something like “all it takes for a Class Society to occur is more than 1 person?”

                Okay, I’m old and bitter, I’ll shut up now.

          • …WELL LET’S BRAINSTORM ONE, THEN, BECAUSE I WOULD READ THE HELL OUT OF IT.

          • Maxwell James

            I think Le Guin’s Earthsea is not far off from this (not that that should dissuade you!).

            Also, have you read any Octavia E. Butler? If not, I’d recommend it. Although she wrote sci-fi only, her stories often dealt with people trying to build more egalitarian societies in VERY dystopian settings.

            • Lyanna Mormont

              Oh, the Earthsea stories! I haven’t read those in decades. Literally. But I have a vague memory of being surprised when I realized, well into the first book I read (which wasn’t the first of the books) that Ged was dark-skinned. It hadn’t occurred to twelve-or-so-year-old me as a possibility.

              … Aaand that might actually have something to do with why I would like to create a world like that. Huh. Hadn’t thought of it in quite those terms, so thanks for starting that train of thought in me!

              I will make a note of Ms Butler’s name.

  • When I look at Littlefinger I remember what Varys said once about how he would go as far to destroy the world to get what he wants. You can see it happening here, right?!
    I thought it was just me wondering why we hadn’t seen Big Ole Mountain before!!! Yeesh.
    Also, did anyone else look at Jon Snow in this episode and *really* wan to wash his hair ? :(
    Tyrion and Oberyn bromance forever <3333

    • HAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU KNOW NOTHING, JON SNOW… ABOUT A CLARIFYING RINSE!

  • “(Jaime: RUDE!)” haha!

    Hot Pie was hilarious and helpful! And his baking skills are improving!

    Nothing more to add from me, although I wish the camera lingered on the scene of snow-Winterfell before it was crushed.

    You mentioned Lysa going out the Moon Door in an earlier recap, and I had to keep my chuckles to myself.

    • I am so, so grateful to you guys for not spoiling me on Lysa!!!! Dang, you guys are the best.

      (And poor, poor fake Winterfell. Even that cannot last…)

      • Laura Rezko

        I’m glad Sansa didn’t create a Ned Stark snowman. Robyn probably would’ve knocked his head off- and I would have cackled and instantly felt bad about doing so.

  • S

    So…I have not read the books. Nor have I actually watched the show (I don’t have cable). But everyone is talking about this GoT phenom and I already love all your other recaps…so I have been reading them here. Yes, I know I am spoilering myself, but I don’t care. I actually prefer this more so when I DO watch it, I know what parts to look out for. I am no so much with the blood and guts and raping and uber saddness.

    Stoney, your recaps are akin to watching the show. I feel I know the character and am now invested in them. (FYI, it is the same with Walking Dead. Don’t like gore, so recaps instead of show!) Please keep up the amazing work. One day, when I am all caught up, I will be able to comment right along, but until then, THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK!

    • YOU’VE BEEN READING THESE WITHOUT WATCHING THE SHOW?!?! Oh man, aren’t you a champ! (And I’m so sorry you can’t see the episodes! But if this works for you, then it works for me!)

      Aww, you’re such a peach! Thank you so much for this sweet comment! <3

  • Richard

    Lol on a completely random note. Did anybody notice that when shit hits the fan both Littlefinger and Frank Underwood’s go to move is a shove that results in death? Just a stray observation that I found hilarious.

    • Ivo

      *chortle* You just made me envision a subway train roaring through the Eyrie throne room as the ultimate WTF moment in the show.

  • lightandstars

    Laura, you are a trooper, and a lol great comedy writer. Thank you, thank you for posting another great recap as quickly as you did, even tho you certainly had other things to think about.

    I was so taken with the outcomes of this episode, with some hope for Tyrion, amazement at Dinklage acting, anger for the aholes at the wall, and all the rest, I couldn’t bear to leave the feelings simmer overnight without reading further comment, and went searching the internet for reactions. Was delighted to have found yours. I’ve watched this four times already, and am sure I will watch it again to make the two weeks until the next episode stretch out. What ARE we going to do? Since this is my first season on this site, what happens during the OMG whole year between one season and the next? I know in the beginning of this season you were welcoming followers back, so I guess we sadly disband during that time and eagerly regroup when the season starts?

    Cake or death. Another Eddie Izzard fan. Hooray! But lemon cakes in Westeros and the Vale carry caveats. I don’t know what to think about Sansa’s fate. Initially, the scene with the snow castle was charming: pretty, pretty girl, trying to recapture whatever pleasant things she can remember from her past. The banter with Robin looked promising. Oh, cool, she’ll have a hero helping her through hard times. They’ll grow up and … hate each other, obviously. Their reactions were those of children. This reminded me of the scene where she and Tyrion were walking through the garden, joking and plotting little revenges with sheep shit in the sheets. Oh good, they’ll be friends at least. Then the news about Robb’s fate comes in. So much for friends.

    She still has the last vestiges of little-girlness hovering, but she has other hoverers, too. Eww, LF even said “children,” then couldn’t wait to plant a kiss on her, after reflecting that she might have been his daughter. Uh. Creepiness abounding.

    So, will he protect her? Or will he eventually blame HER for Lysa’s death? (This is only conjecture, didn’t read whatever book this was in.) Will she cover for him? I didn’t detect that she pulled back all that quickly during the kiss. And what was with that deep, scrutinizing look he gave her after? Yeah, getting rid of Lysa protected Sansa, but it also solved a whole lot of problems for him, too. Every move, self-serving to the end. I want so much for Sansa’s fate to be a happy one, but I have my doubts.

    In my scouting around for further GoT reactions, I came across a GRRM interview in “Rolling Stone” magazine. It was previously unpublished portions of a much longer interview. To quickly summarize, the main theme was getting GRRM to talk about what inspired him growing up, and his reaction was that he was more entranced by the UNhappy, bloody ending than by happily-ever-after. I will be so traumatized if he leaves Westeros bereft of all the characters we’ve grown to know and love, winds blowing over barren landscapes, only to be inhabited by strangers. Well, now I’ve made myself sad. Shit. There’s some chocolate ice-cream calling out soothing phrases. See you all later. SNiff…

    • Maxwell James

      For what it’s worth I think it’s very unlikely Martin will kill _everyone_ in his story (even though he likes to joke about it). For a very basic reason: the structure of his novels doesn’t really allow him to.

      I’m not sure if you’re a reader or not, but if not, you should know that with a few exceptions, every chapter in ASOIAF is told from the point of view of one of the main characters. There have been a few one-offs, mostly characters who existed to provide a single POV on one event or location and then died immediately afterwards, but the vast majority of the story is told from the main characters’ perspective (in tight 3rd person rather than 1st).

      Which means there has to be at least one character left to be the eyes for the last chapter. The question is: who?

      • Ivo

        It’s fun to speculate who he would kill off. (spoiler-free, of course)
        Dany is such an obvious focus that it seems impossible she wouldn’t be there at the finish, but personally, I’d pee myself laughing if she seet sail to Westeros at some point and, during disembarkation, slipped and broke her neck. Talk about dramatic misdirection! Turns out the “fire” referred to Sansa’s hair or something…

  • lightandstars

    Maxwell James and Ivo
    Max, thanks for your insight into how the books are written and your very logical observation that there would have to be at least one of the originals left to sum things up. At least I hope it’s one of the originals. I want ALL the remaining Starks to get through, including Jon. And Hot Pie. And Tyrion of the Lannisters.

    Ivo, it is fun to speculate who makes the GRRM-reaper cut. I can’t help but believe that all the Lannisters will either die or be dispersed. Remember that two characters who have never seen the Kings Landing throne room have had vivid visions of it. Bran and Dany have both envisioned a deserted throne room, collecting drifting snow in the dimming light through a decimated (dragon-burned?) roof. Bran even saw a dragon shadow flying over Kings Landing. So it might be safe to say that Dany makes it.

    Maybe Lannisters are alive but banished, and the power is moved to Meeren, much like ancient Rome lost prominence to Constantinople. I can’t imagine that whack job Roose or creepy Ramsay would be left to have any power, but who the heck knows? Littlefinger? Accch, I’m tired. I’ll be back later. You guys figure it out. Night

    • Lyanna Mormont

      I believe GRRM has stated that he intends the ending to be “bittersweet.” As for what that means, your guess is as good as mine. (Well, except for the advantage of having read two books ahead of where the show is.)

      And if we’re going to be technical about it, that vision of a dragon flying over King’s Landing may mean that the dragons make it. Well, at least one of them. That doesn’t necessarily mean Dany does… *evil cackle*

      More seriously, I think the “central” characters at this point should be seen as Tyrion, Dany, and the remaining Stark kids (except maybe Rickon). I would expect MOST of them to make it to the last book/season. Some might die at or near the end – saving the world, perhaps – but at least one or two of them should make it all the way through. Right? Right? Pretty please?

    • Ivo

      I love the idea of KL just…falling. Collapsing under its own corruption and unpleasantness, and something better elsewhere taking its place. Or not – this is a multi-centric world and the Free Cities get along quite nicely with or without KL thank you very much. Sure, there’s a Big Bad North of the Wall that needs dealing with, but really, 3 dragons = problem solved. One look at the dragons and the White Walkers will turn tail faster than Yara did at the sight of dogs. Maybe we’ll have 7 kingdoms again after that’s done. At least that means those lovely people in Dorne are free to get on with being awesome and not caring about northern racist homophobic barbarians!

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Re: King’s Landing – there’s a theory, based on things that have been mentioned in the show but the books go into a bit more detail on. No actual spoilers, just background stuff and speculation based on it. Stop reading here if you don’t want to know about it.

        Did you stop?

        Still reading? Okay. Remember that scene with Jaime and Brienne in the bath? (Of course you do. Like anyone could forget it.) He talks about why he killed the Mad King, how the king wanted to burn the whole city with wildfire and kill everyone, half a million people. Now, that would take quite a lot of wildfire. And we know that Jaime was too proud to ever explain to anyone why he killed the king. So… what happened to the wildfire? Where is it now? Sure, Tyrion used wildfire in the Battle of Blackwater, but horrible as it was, that didn’t look like anywhere near enough to destroy a whole city. And he’d had the pyromancers working day and night to make it. So, is there still a huge stash of it somewhere? Might something set it off?

        Of course, it could just be authorial oversight. Maybe GRRM didn’t think about that. Or maybe someone did neutralize or dispose of the wildfire (is that possible?) and we just haven’t been told about it. But it COULD be a huge Chekhov’s gun…

        • Ivo

          That is a very good point. It must have been more than one ship’s worth of wildfire in those stashes…I will reread the pertinent scenes in the book to see if there are any hints but I’d have to say that Chekhov’s Wildfire sounds plausible. Jaime just killed the pyromancers and he may not even have knows where the stashes were.
          And the throne room in those post-apocalyptic visions did look a little scorched under the snow!

  • Ivo

    On a completely unrelated note…

    I’m curious which shows folks around here are watching. I find myself watching more TV currently than I have in years. To keep the list manageable I’ll leave off shows that have finished (Breaking bad, *sob*). Shows which have wrapped up their season in parentheses:

    Monday: (Archer)
    Tuesday: Fargo, (Justified), (Agents of SHIELD)
    Wednesday: (The Americans)
    Thursday: Elementary
    Friday: Hannibal
    Saturday: Orphan Black, Da Vinci’s Demons
    Sunday: GoT, Penny Dreadful, Mad Men

  • Andrea

    Hey!! Could you help me? Do you know the name of the soundtrack played when Sansa sees the snowfall?

    • Lyanna Mormont

      “Winterfell” – appropriately enough.

  • John

    So, what’s with the 4 dragons flying past Daenerys’ window 26min 36 secs into the episode?

    • !! Lemme wrap up this BBQ/pool party and then guess what I’m going to watch? BRB! :)

  • Ivo

    So let me get this straight. Not only was there no episode of GoT last night, but to add insult to injury, you have mysteriously failed to write a recap as WELL?!!1!
    I’m going to BBQ hamburgers and pretend this week never happened.

    • HAHAHAHA!! IF I WAS IN CHARGE, WE WOULD HAVE HAD AN EPISODE!!!!

      (Feel free to kill time on my Pro-blog if you’re bored!) I’ve been traveling and it’s been insane, but I DO have planned a few GoT posts/chats for when the season ends. I can’t let go of you guys!

  • Maxwell James

    Laura… deepest condolences. Knew this one would be rough for you.

    #itgetsbetterrigt? #noitdoesn’t #seriouslywhydowedothistoourselves

    • LEW

      Seconding. Nodding. Weeping.

    • Ivo

      What he said.

    • I NEED A SUPPORT GROUP TO DEAL.

      Oh, wait, I have you guys! #stillcannotacceptwhatIwitnessed

      • Ivo

        Think “Revenge”, Laura. Cherish it, polish your hatred of the Bad Guys like a diamond and await their comeuppance gleefully.
        And also, Pedro Pascal, damn.