Orphan Black 2×10 – By Means Which Have Never Yet Been Tried

 

A shot from DYAD's Christmas Card next year: Merry Clone-mas!

A shot from DYAD’s Christmas Card next year: Merry Clone-mas!

Previously: Alison and Donnie bury Leekie in their garage. Donnie finds his balls and becomes a man, leading to the hottest sex he and Alison have ever had. Good for them! Gracie gets implanted with Helena and Henrik’s babies which does not please her. Helena realizes she doesn’t want any part of the Creepy Cult Farm. Henrik tries to stop Ginger Gracie and Helena from leaving the cult because he is the WORST. Cowboy Mark proves his love for Ginger Gracie and helps her escape while Helena performs her fave choke hold on Henrik. Then Helena gleefully tortures Henrik with the implanting devices they used on her. IRONY. She burns the place to the ground. Oh, and Sarah lets Kira give her bone marrow to save Cosima but Kira gets kidnapped AGAIN. Seriously?

OKAY YOU GUYS. This has been a late recap. I’m terribly sorry. Between work and a death in the family it’s been a struggle to fit the time in but enough about that boring stuff cause whoa Nellie this was a big episode. Let’s get started, suckers!

 

 

Back at the house, Mrs. S and Sarah are freaking the eff out. There’s lots of blame happening, Sarah blaming S, S blaming Sarah, Felix blaming himself. No Felix, no, it’s not your fault. Finally Sarah throws herself onto Mrs. S and gives her a big hug. She doesn’t trust S but she knows S loves Kira and will do anything to save her.

Sarah grabs her coat and races out of the house. She goes to DYAD and surrenders on the spot.

Sarah is being examined and grilled with all sorts of personal questions, “Are you taking any prescription medication? What is your sexual orientation? Are you ovulating? (I don’t know) Have you ever had an STD? When did you first have sexual intercourse? (14-15) Have you ever had an abortion? (…yes)” Sarah cries a little at that and my heart breaks. They are undressing her, putting her in scrub/prison looking clothes, taking blood, taking her temperature, being generally invasive and very rough and frightening. Sarah hangs in and gives her statement for the record, “My name is Sarah Manning and this is my unconditional surrender.” Yikes.

They handcuff her and put her in an interrogation room. Some jerk named Dr. Nealan comes in and sits across from her. He turns on a tape recorder and has a contract for her to sign. She asks to see Kira but is denied. All in good time, she’s told. Yeah right. Dr. Nealan says they want to harvest her eggs. He passes her a contract to sign which makes Sarah scoff. Why the contract? She’s in handcuffs. She signs to consent to the harvesting.

Speaking of Kira, she’s still in Kira-jail. She is getting a cheek swab done and easily steals the nurse’s phone because Kira is always clever. The nurse leaves and Kira lays on the bed, covers up, and calls Cal. UGH CAL.

 

But let’s talk about something. Something that needs to be said. We all know I’m a big fan of Kira. She’s smart, she’s not whiney, she gets shit done. But what’s the deal with her mouth always being open?

She looks like my cat.

She looks like my cat.

But Max is an idiot

But Max is an idiot

Rachel orders the marrow that Cosima and Scott have finished processing to be taken away. Dr. Nealan is now Cosima’s new physician cause, oh yeah, Rachel’s sending Delphine to Frankfort.

Delphine weeps and begs Rachel to be allowed to say goodbye to Cosima as she’s being led out of the building. Rachel refuses and tells her it isn’t personal. Delphine begs to differ. She manages to send Cosima one last email – Rachel’s itinerary. Apparently Sarah is going to have a procedure done and now Cosima knows when and where.

Cosima gets the email and plays nice. She says she’s happy to have Dr. Nealan as her new doctor and asks Martin, Rachel’s assistant, if she can visit Kira.

Kira is playing tea party with an octopus when Sarah is led into an adjoining observation room where she can see Kira’s room through a round two way mirror. Rachel comes in and Sarah watches silently as she talks to Kira, implying that Sarah bought all this upon herself. Sarah shouldn’t have laid hands on Rachel. “Even mothers have to do as they’re told sometimes, don’t they?” Rachel asks, staring into the mirror, knowing Sarah is right there. Sarah doesn’t flinch.

Cal shows up at Mrs. S’s and introduces himself as Kira’s father. S is super mad about this secret kept from her. Cal’s figured it out about the clones and has does a lot of digging on DYAD and has found out so much stuff you guys and I am so bored by him.

Luckily Art calls Felix and interrupts Cal’s screen time for a moment. Guess who showed up at his apartment? “Hello sestra-brother!” Helena shouts in between mouthfuls of Cheerios. “I want to see Sarah.” She’s always hungry and now she’s eating for at least two. Mrs. S sends Felix over with instructions not to let her out of his sight. Oh, so now someone’s concerned about Helena?

Sarah is being led down a hall and is shocked to see Duncan, also dressed in the prison garb and also handcuffed, being led in the opposite direction. He tells her not to despair.

Helena sits at Art’s table and eats as she tells about her adventures since they last saw her. “I fell in love with a boy. Called Jesse. But…after bar fight I think he had to go to war and become…tow truck driver.” Felix’s reaction is perfect: “…O-kay…”

Art suspiciously asks her if she knows anything about that massive fire at the Creepy Cult Farm. She tells him no. They don’t believe her. “Helena,” Felix says, as if he was talking to a child, “Did you burn down the fish people’s ranch?” Helena again says no, but with a huge grin. Hahahahahahaha.

MISCHIEF AND MURDER!

What? I would never torture a man that deserved it and then burn down his entire legacy!

Felix doesn't believe her

Felix doesn’t believe her

Neither does Art. Either that or he's constipated again

Neither does Art. Either that or he’s constipated again

Helena again asks to see Sarah because she’s the twin that cares unlike another twin that hasn’t even thought about Helena’s well-being since she left her to be arrested like the lousy twin she is. They don’t want Helena to know what’s going on with Sarah which makes no sense. Tell Helena, she’ll go in there and fuck shit up and rescue Kira and Sarah and kill everyone. DUH PEOPLE.

Helena continues telling her adventures: “After my heart was broken I became room mates to a very good girl. She had a…crisis of faith.”

Speaking of, Ginger Gracie and Cowboy Mark drive away, together forever and in love. She says God will just have to deal with the two of them. Awww, young love.

Cal shows off all the stuff he’s discovered about DYAD. He’s found an insider, someone that wants to help, someone high up that knows everything. He messages the insider, asking for help. Mrs. S says to tell the insider he’s with her. That does the trick; the insider replies, “Ask her about Castor.” Mrs. S reveals that she also has an inside man.

That inside man turns out to be Hot Paul. YES. Hot Paul is back. I’m so happy. He’s a General now and back in the army. He meets up with Mrs. S in a super secret garage location and while they wait they negotiate a deal. Mrs. S is going to provide something and that will get Sarah and Kira out of DYAD. But what is it?

Duncan has been brought to Rachel’s screening room and he’s watching the happy family tape of him reading The Island of Dr. Moreau to little Rachel. Rachel brings in tea. Duncan requests just some hot water as he’s brought his own tea and I can’t believe Rachel even fell for this because I immediately knew his tea was a special blend of lemon and chamomile and poison.

Rachel is annoyed that Duncan has encoded the sequences that would make more clones possible. Duncan wants Cosima cured and says he will talk about unlocking more when that happens. Rachel viciously replies that if he unlocks the sequence they’ll TALK about curing Cosima. Duncan doesn’t know why they want more clones but figures it’s not for a good cause. He sips his tea.

He asks if Rachel recalls the feeling of how much he and her mother loved her. She says she doesn’t recall that. At. All. Liar. Duncan starts to shake; the poison is already doing it’s job. He drops his cup and Rachel runs over. “What have you done?” she gasps, looking at the pills hidden in his tea bag.

“My poor, poor Rachel,” Duncan says. “It won’t take long.”

Rachel completely breaks down, telling him no, no, over and over again. She starts hitting him with small fists, crying and whining like a little girl, almost like a tantrum. “You can’t leave me again! Nooo!” Duncan tells her she doesn’t deserve him anymore. She hugs him tight and hysterically screams for her assistant Martin.

Gimme the DNA sequence! And don't dieeee

Gimme the DNA sequence! And don’t dieeee

A car pulls up to Mrs. S and Hot Paul.  Cal gets out and Mrs. S can barely wait for Sarah’s lovers to meet. She introduces Cal as Kira’s father, making Paul laugh a little. Cal immediately knows what’s up with Paul.

The DYAD insider turns out to be Marion. No kidding. There’s literally no one else it could be. Paul goes inside the car to talk to her. She’ll get Sarah and Kira out but ‘the rest is up to Sarah’. Paul agrees and hands over a large red file. Marion opens it and reads. Whatever is in there guarantees Sarah’s freedom. Paul looks troubled. And hot. Always hot.

Cosima visits Kira and they do a science experiment together with a pencil and paper and talk about force and stuff and it’s all an excuse to get Kira to draw a picture for her mom which is a secret code on how to escape using whatever Cosima and Scott built in the lab earlier.

Sarah is grabbed out of her room and strapped onto a gurney and led into an operating room. She’s panicked but no one will tell her what’s happening. She’s placed onto a hospital bed and strapped down-or at least mostly. Scott is there and he loosens her left wrist, telling her, “Cosima says hi.”

Dr. Nealan comes in and tells her they’re taking one of her ovaries for research. Um, no. Sarah objects that she never signed for this. Like that matters. She’ll be able to have children and is told she’ll be pregnant soon enough. Scary.

Rachel waltzes in with Kira’s picture and asks to speak to Sarah alone. She holds up the bone marrow that will save Cosima and tells her that Duncan is dead. She thinks Duncan gave Sarah the key to unlocking the genetic sequences but Sarah honestly doesn’t know what she’s talking about and says as much. Rachel doesn’t believe her. More tantrums! She smashes the cure on the floor, stomping on the marrow for good measure. As she starts to leave, Sarah figures out the picture and glances over to see a fire extinguisher next to her with ‘Squeeze Me’ written on the handle. She calls Rachel back.

Rachel turns around and Sarah squeezes the handle, sending a pencil shooting out. It lands right in Rachel’s eye. EW. Rachel collapses as Scott runs back in and helps Sarah untie herself. He gives her a security card and tells her to go get Kira

Science, bitch!

Science, bitch!

Rachel’s in terrible shape, since there is currently a pencil. In. Her. Eye. She passes out. I bet she’s gonna be really, really mad when she wakes up. I mean, look how she reacted when Sarah ‘laid hands’ on her last time.

Apparently that’s all it takes to get out. Sarah easily finds her way back to Kira’s room and no one stops her. Oh, that’s cause when she opens the door she finds Marion inside, putting Kira’s coat on her. Marion tells Sarah they’re free to go. So…that entire thing with the fire extinguisher and the science lesson and the picture…meaningless. Sarah was going to be released anyways cause of whatever deal Paul and Mrs. S made with Marion. That was a waste of my recapping time.

Marion is all, oh hey, if you want to know more about what’s really going on then come to my house tomorrow. Now go home to your sisters!

So everyone goes back to Felix’s. Cal and Sarah have a little kissing session in the hallway and seriously, hello, Hot Paul? *cries* Felix interrupts, thank god, and has brought Helena. Sarah brings her to meet the rest of the clones and I feel ripped off because we didn’t get to see Sarah and Helena hug it out after Sarah abandoned Helena but I’ll just shut up.

Helena is cute and sweet as she meets Cosima. She is concerned for Cosima’s health but Cosima brushes it off, thrilled to meet Helena and hug her. Helena tells Cosima, “I like your hairs” and when Cosima returns the compliment Helena shyly touches her blonde curls. She’s just so adorable.

Alison politely shakes hands instead of hugging, of course, because she’s Alison. Helena notes that she’s married and informs her she too will be married someday. I’m thinking to Jesse, the war hero tow truck driver.

Kira runs over and they hug. Helena loves her so much and my heart is swelling. Swelling! Finally, she’s loved and accepted by people that don’t want to use her to kill or make babies.

Now for the big scene of the season. Cosima puts on a record and they all have a Clone Dance Party. The song is ‘Water Prayer Rasta Mix’ (Matt The Alien Remix) and it’s killer awesome. I’m guessing that everyone loved this moment of each clone and her dancing style but, and I hate to say this, it rang a little forced to me. Tatiana Maslany has said that she listens to different music for each character, and that they all have a specific dance. I’m guessing this is a tribute to that. However, it was the first time the CGI looked choppy. The lighting was really off, and the shots of Kira dancing over by the bed felt edited in like she wasn’t even there on the same day. The whole scene didn’t feel right to me. Ok internet, hate me if you must!

I want to love this scene but I do not

I want to love this scene but I do not

In comparison, the next scene with Cosima and Sarah laying in bed next to each other and talking is so expertly done that you will completely forget they’re THE SAME PERSON.

Seamless and perfect

Seamless and perfect

Helena quietly gets out of bed. She’s been carrying a container of liquid nitrogen which has the rest of her ‘babies’ from the Creepy Cult Farm inside and she leaves it for her sisters as she sneaks out of the apartment. She’s off to find her future husband, Jesse! Unfortunately, she is black bagged the moment she steps into the hall and is carried away by two men, leaving Jesse’s hat behind. Noooooo!

JESSEEEEEEEEE!

JESSEEEEEEEEE!

Early the next morning Sarah goes to Marion’s house. She is introduced to an eight year old girl that looks just like a young Rachel from the family videos, which means she also looks like a young Sarah. She’s the only clone that Marion’s company managed to make out of 400 attempts. She’s not completely perfect and has a leg brace. Marion is her adopted Mother and loves her.

Marion works for a company called ‘Topside’. She suspected there was more to the cloning program than patents synthetic biology and profit and DNA coding. With Mrs. S’s help she was able to confirm this. She leads Sarah down to her basement to show her something incredible.

Meanwhile, Kira wants Cosima to read her a story and thinks nothing of waking a seriously ill woman that’s getting some much-needed rest. “If one of our kids woke you up they’d get yelled at!” my husband noted. Fair enough, Kevin. Fair enough. I really like my sleep.

Cosima, however, is a special sweetheart and doesn’t become livid when woken, like some people. It takes a few moments for her to respond and for a few scary seconds I was positive they were killing Cosima off. Cosima dreams of Delphine leaning over her, eyes positively luminous as she gazed down. “Don’t be afraid. I will never leave you,” Delphine whispers, looking like an angel. When Cosima opens her eyes it’s Kira looking down on her. Hey, guess what book she gets Cosima to read? Yep, The Island of Dr. Moreau. And inside, Cosima finds the code to unlocking the genetic sequences written throughout. Cosima’s saved! Or she better be. We’ll see in season three.

Helena is handcuffed and under a heavy guard. She’s driven in a military truck to an unknown location and led to a huge plane. The military isn’t taking any chances of her escaping. Nooo Helena!

Helena! Someone save her! Has anyone even noticed she's not at Felix's???

Helena! Someone save her! Has anyone even noticed she’s not at Felix’s???

Mrs. S and Paul sit in a hummer and watch as Helena’s led to the plane. “Sarah will never forgive me,” S says, tears in her eyes. Hot Paul clenches his jaw even tighter than normal and says she did what she had to do. Oh snap.

It turns out that Project Leda was never shut down. DYAD carried the female clones to term and the military faction carried, you guessed it, the males. Project Castor. Marion shows Sarah a cell where a male clone is doing chin ups, his back to her. Shit! Who is it? Who’s the male clone? I kept screaming that is was Felix, Felix, is it Felix omg I don’t know if I want this…The clone turns and looks at Sarah, who gasps, “I know him.”

OMG OMG OMG WHO IS IT OMG

OMG OMG OMG WHO IS IT OMG

Ginger Gracie and Cowboy Mark marry in a sweet church ceremony with only the reverend there. They kiss happily.

Helena walks into the military plane and Cowboy Mark, dressed in a uniform, watches. He’s there! He’s helping Helena!

Cowboy Mark, undercover? Wait...

Cowboy Mark, undercover? Wait…how…

The male clone walks up to Sarah and looks at her through the glass. He rubs his scarred face against the glass and pants at her. He’s clearly crazy. And he’s also:

WTF x A MILLION BILLION KAJILLION

WTF x A MILLION BILLION KAJILLION

Wait. WAIT. That wasn’t Cowboy Mark at the plane! That was another clone. And…you know…now that I think of it, the Cowboy Mark in the first few episodes is really completely different than the one we see later on…Episode one and two Mark is brash and cocky and ruthless and he happily kills Tomas in the barn. Later on, the Mark that tracks Helena and Sarah is kind. He lets Helena have some fun in the bar and he falls in love with and protects Gracie…They aren’t the same person…right..? Omg.

SO. So, so, so many questions! Great ending to a season that was ambitious, if somewhat muddled and cluttered. Can’t wait for more but it hasn’t been officially picked up for another season yet. It would be absolutely criminal to let this show die off when stupid crap like The Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men just keeps going and going and going. *makes fart joke* *laugh track*

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