Walking Dead 5.7 – Crossed

Previously:  Dr. Mullet’s whole reason for living is a lie! Beth is still trapped! Carole is in danger, gorl! It’s the penultimate episode before our hiatus and a lot of pieces get moved on the board.

Now THAT is how you decorate a church in the apocalypse.

Now THAT is how you decorate a church in the apocalypse.

Sasha, meanwhile is taking apart the pews in the church with an ax, and Ty is pulling out pipes to the organ (nooooo! And I wish I could see what music was there) that are being used to fortify the entrance to the church. Outside, Father Gabriel wonders if they’re going to take the cross, too as we hear hammering and fortification happening to the church.

And I was pleased to see that Rosita clearly knew how to make a homemade water filter like I detailed a few eps ago. SEE? I AM GOING TO KEEP Y’ALL ALIVE, YO.

Rick debates going to Atlanta thusly: “I don’t wanna.”

Michonne: Cool. I volunteer as tribute.
Gabriel: [looms ominously as he looks at the “You’ll burn for this” scratched into the wall.] This is not my beautiful house.

Rick passes off Judith to Michonne, hugs Carl, and leaves with Sasha, Ty, and Daryl, Noah joining their ranks. Judith immediately begins to wail. FUN how that echoes inside! Another flash at the scriptures talking about the dead arising as Gabriel frets, then sees blood on the floor. He’s all, “Out, out, damn spot!” with our second episode filled with Macbeth overtures, and son, you’ll never keep a manicure, scratching the wood floors like that! He is LITERALLY reenacting Lady Macbeth here.

In the break: A BETTER CALL SAUL PROMO. Oh god, yes yes YES. Sorry, I’m really looking forward to that. BACK TO WALKERS.

Sasha and Ty are in the back of a truck as Rick races them all to Atlanta. Ty’s trying to be a good big brother to her, but she’s inexplicably sad over the Nice Guy we were made to believe meant something to her. (NO OFFENSE TO THE ACTOR. But I will not believe that character on my screen had any reason to cause Sasha to feel this deeply for him given what was on screen. Sorry!)

At Grady, Beth eyes Carol as Doctor Feelgood checks Carol’s vitals. She’s stable, at least. You know who else was stable’d? Sophia. OOOOH DEAD WALKERS IN THE BARN JOKE I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, I’m sorry.

At the Walker Farm (man, I wish we’d get a close up!), Glenn watches the road as Tara tries to revive Dr. Mullet. (Random: I do like that Tara has a regular woman’s body by television standards.) They’re debating what to do about Eugene—move him, leave him?

Me: LEAVE HIM. He is a liar and a creep! Glenn knows as much as he does, TBH.

Abraham is punishing himself while kneeling and refusing water. Rosita tries to push him to actually talking about things, but maybe he’s getting pushed wrong. Maggie thinks so as she pulls iron on him and orders him to sit after seeing him menace his own girlfriend. He thankfully responds to her command. He’s a solider after all. (So’s Maggie. <3)

Rick’s group—with solid intel provided by Noah, no doubt—has a killer plan to slip into the hospital late that night. Lives are going to be taken, because that’s what’s required. Ty is obviously not cool with that, but you are in END freaking TIMES, bro. Get your head in the game! I love that Rick is ready to take on Dawn. It’s Cop vs. Sheriff!

Ty throws out some wrenches, because he’s not actually dumb, even though I tease his soft heart. He wants to maybe trade some guys for other guys, but Rick knows his plan will work. But Daryl… he can get on board with Ty. He thinks Dawn is at a limit that maybe she’ll be willing to trade to keep the peace.

Bae: Big man’s gotta point.

You cheating on me? (Okay.)

You cheating on me? (Okay, boo.)

So we’re keeping out decency with this route and not blindly killing. LOOK, I’m a first person shooter game gal, so the cops are the bad guys, but okay. FINE. If this was really happening, I wouldn’t be so cavalier. If they were mutants, though, all bets are off.

At the church, Gabriel has a bucket for scrubbing that pesky blood off the Lord’s House while Carl lays out an array of weapons for him.

Carl: Time to graduate from the starter pack where you learn how to use the controller, bro. What’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L. gonna be? Explosives? Melee? Guns? Big Guns? Intelligence? Gotta survive out there.
Gabriel: But… the cannibals said they’d leave us alone?
Carl: Wow.
Gabriel: What?
Carl: I’ve read about people being this gullible, but I never thought I’d actually SEE it.
Michonne: [listens intently as Cal rhapsodizes about trouble with a Capital T and that rhymes with Z and that stands for Walkers]
Gabriel: [takes a machete, then backs out when he hears about soft skulls]
Carl: [coughs] WUSS

At the hospital, Beth eavesdrops on someone telling Dawn about Noah and how he can’t be found. Beth smirks, proud of her buddy, until they start talking about Carol is half dead, wasting their precious resources. Time to pull the plug!


Beth: Oooh, I know all about your DVDs and porn, bro, so let’s get real about “waste!”
Dawn: Oh? You got a smart mouth? So let’s kill that lady, good call, Beth.
Dawn: I’m bitter and petty. Also, maybe I’m a wuss and I want you to go save Carol because my grasp on things is tenuous. Also, I think you’re not so pitiful. And this is in no way a trap.
Admiral Ackbar: IT’S A TRAP.
Beth: Uh…. Okay?

Glenn and Maggie’s group figure out where water is, leaving Maggie to guard over Abraham and Dr. Hairdo. They pass some pinned Walkers, and seriously, why not brain them? Just to be safe? STAB THEM WITH YOUR KNIFE, THEY ARE PINNED. (They come back and do so, but still. You’re getting my unfiltered reactions as the show airs.)

Tara: so Eugene. Totally need to order a Code Red because he ain’t got no skills. But he has balls, gotta give him that.
Rosita: Please don’t make me think of his balls. I imagine they have little pube mullets and… [hoarks]

Maggie grabs a ladder off the fire truck while Abraham continues to kneel on the blacktop. In that Georgia heat? DAMN, SON. She builds a makeshift shelter with it and a blanket, giving Dr. Feathered Bangs and Lies a break from the heat.

Maggie: Get over it. We all lost something today. For me it was a watch.
Audience: OR A SISTER?
Maggie: [stoically looks out into the distance] Maybe all my hope.
Audience: Or… a sister.

Lauren Cohen, if you ever wanted to make out with me, just know I’m totally cool with it. Maggie writers: ADD BETH TO HER ARC.

Beth finds Dr. Friendly, demands to know what he’d give Carol if he could give her anything, and because he’s a selfish bag of dicks (a bag, made of dick skin and filled with dicks), he turns it into a self examination of whether or not he can actually save his own life. #NotAllDoctors!!  But then he actually tells her what to do, and Beth leaves. (Can we trust him, though??)

Glenn scoops water from the stream, but it’s nasty. If they’d only made a filter like I’d taught you guys…. WAIT. Rosita does, using everything I’d laid out in a previous recap!



Aww, that’s nice. She learned how from Eugene. Huh. He’s not totally useless. (I mean, his brain is valuable. Interesting how that is when they’re in a world where your brain is what keeps you going if you’re a Walker. O_O  ~*layers!*~)

We learn Rosita’s brief backstory: met Abraham in Dallas, was saved, then was asked for help. I said it was brief! She was flattered, knowing someone like Abraham wanted her help. They’ve been together ever since. Okay, then!

Time for a daring rescue! We hear gunfire. Cops in a white cross car spy Noah with a gun, race to tag him. Two cops are out of the car, but the group pulls iron on the two cops. Dawn’s folks are out numbered. The black cop sees what’s what and immediately agrees; he also asks Rick if he’s a cop. Apparently Lamson is one of the good ones. EXCEPT ANOTHER CAR PULLS UP, TAKES THE LADY COP, LAYS COVERING FIRE, AND TAKES OFF. Shit. There goes their collateral. Or does it?

Rick and Co follow around the corner, where the second cop car has pulled into a burned out, shot up area with raw meat looking Walkers on the ground. Gross!! AWESOME.

this just makes me so happy. Their FX department is AMAZING.

This just makes me so happy. Their FX department is AMAZING. Also, I don’t know why they call it Hamburger Helper. It does just fine on its own.

The cops’ car doors are open. We can see them running behind the tower in the distance. Daryl is smart enough to check the car, sees they stalled out when they drove over the melted street-Walkers, and checks the FEMA trailer nearby. YEP SOMEONE’S IN THERE! It’s a big guy, the bald cop driving, and he gets Daryl on the ground by a Walker, FUCK IT IS CLOSE DON’T YOU BITE DARYL DIXON OH MY GOD.

He picks up a skull like a bowling ball and knocks Bald Cop upside the head until Rick gets there with a gun at his head.

I had to cram my fists in my mouth to keep from screaming I was so worried about his hand!

I had to cram my fists in my mouth to keep from screaming I was so worried about his hand!

Bald Cop: Shit. You win.
Rick: I think I should shoot you.
Daryl: Baby, it’s okay. We’ll use him. Three’s better than two.
Rick: Good call, bae.

The captured bald cop and lady cop are taken to a holding place, an empty building. Lady Cop is all, “Dawn sucks. We know it, she knows it, the people at Grady know it. We want black cop (Lamson) to take over.” ORLY. “Let us go, we’ll take care of Dawn and give you your peeps.” SURE THAT SEEMS TOTALLY LEGIT.

Lamson: Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. STFU. Lemme ‘splain to you how Dawn works because I don’t want to die.

Uh. Here’s my two cents: these cops at Grady have all sorts of contingency plans for how to lull people into a false sense of security when captured. I don’t trust ANYONE.

We cut back to Glenn, and oh, thank goodness, he has the gang braining Walkers and checking them for usable items. Like netting! Hey, maybe stuff to go fishing! NICE. Totally worked. Glenn uses the fact that Rosita knows how to do stuff as a way to make her know she has value. DOUBLE NICE.

At the church, Michonne checks on Father Brotherman. She wants him to know that the things they end up doing are worth it. She wants nothing but for him to know that they’re here to help him, should he want to take it. He closes the door and stares at his machete. NOPE, STILL DON’T TRUST HIM.

He’s using it to cut away floorboards. OHO. Feeling vindicated, ngl.

Beth has some strawberries hidden, swaps them with another grunt as payment for distraction. She gets into the medicine cabinet, finds what Doctor Touchy-Feely said he’d use, and gets in and out to Carol’s room. Beth quickly hooks up an IV drip of fluids, then drops in some meds. BETH HAS SO MUCH VALUE, YOU GUYS. She takes Carol’s hand and offers some comfort.

Outside the hamburger helper spot, Sashsa is working on stripping the cop car when she rips her coat. This makes her lose her gott damn mind. Ty stops that before it can get out of control.

Ty: SAY GOODBYE. Hang onto the good feelings and move on.
Sasha: I should have brained him. I should have stabbed my lover.
Ty: I… think you’re missing the point. It’s nice that you had me help you.
Me: Help her kill her lover? Aww, this is the nice stuff in the ZA? Okay.

Meanwhile, squirrelly Father Gabriel has worked his way under the building and gets out, promptly stepping on a tack and breaking his mother’s back, by which I mean a nail and hobbling himself. A+ work, preacher dude! He limps off into the woods where only good, godly things happen. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, GABRIEL?

Where the cops are being held, Lamson educates Rick on Dawn 101. Rick makes sure they have water, and Lamson points out that he’s no longer a cop. “The real ones are all gone.” HEY FORESHADOWING.

Gabriel, limping along, hears something snapping in the woods, and freezes. A Walkers gets him and he prays her to death. Or rather, pins her on a stump, sees her crucifix necklace, and walks off. Jesus, bro. NUT. UP.

Lamson gets water from Sasha, who likes that his name is Bob. New Bob talks about Dawn pulling him off duty, inadvertently saving his life, and makes Sasha take him outside to put down the Walker who took his place in the Bad Times.


And clean yourself up while you're at it, Abraham.

And clean yourself up while you’re at it, Abraham.

Intercut with Maggie watching Abraham. Can she trust him? She asks him if he wants her to shoot him. Eugene wakes up, sounding like a Walker at first. Abraham decides it’s okay to take water now. He didn’t take a life, so. It’s all good.

Sasha marches Sgt. Bob to a window, he points out the man who took his place as a Walker, brains her, and gets away with his hands ziptied. OF FUCKING COURSE. Y’all, don’t trust these fucking people, are you new?!



NEXT WEEK: Rick showdown with Dawn and her people!

So I continue to not trust anyone named Bob. Also, where is Noah? WHERE IS NOAH?? (And I’m nursing a child after surgery, so I might be behind on comments, but I’ll get here ASAP!)


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  • Kiki

    My friend and I were yelling the whole time Sasha was going with Bob 2.0, because we knew he was trouble. Mostly, I was angry because SASHA. YOU’RE SMARTER THAN THIS. WHY WOULD ANYONE TRUST YOUR HOSTAGE. Like, she didn’t tell anyone where she was going? Or bring another person? Or make Bob 2.0 walk very far away from her while she took care of the supposed walker? Bring him there to the window where the walker is, and then take him back like ‘I’ll take care of this buddy go sit with our friends’

    And yeah, I have no idea with Dawn trying to help Beth? Part of me thinks Dawn doesn’t want Carol to die, but I never know with her. (Also, that other cop? What a douchebag. HE’S RUNNING A DVD PLAYER IN THE APOCALYPSE WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS.)

    And the bonding between Glenn and Rosita and Tara like YEAH. FRIENDSHIP.

    also what the Father dude doing. That seems like a terrible idea. ‘These people are competent and want to help me…better run.’

    • IN AN APOCALYPSE SITUATION YOU NEVER TRUST THE PERSON TRYING TO MAKE YOU TRUST THEM. Never. Come on, Sasha! Make him kneel in front of the window to point it out and stand at HIS back. JEEZ.

      I don’t trust Dawn at all. I think she’s setting Beth up for a “LOOK WHAT SHE DID, SHE STOLE AND WASTED RESOURCES!” double cross. The DVD player… And Doctor Feelgood runs his turntable, so they’re all a bunch of wasteful dummies.

      Father Uncle (I can’t help but make Arrested Development references, it’s a sickness. Anyong!) running away… I bet he’s running TO. Right to the Terminus peeps!!

  • Karen

    I’m not trusting Dawn with her sudden urge to help Carol and Beth. I think she’s setting Beth up for a fall, as she thinks Beth is getting too mouthy and rebellious. And Dr. Edwards told Beth to give Carol the epi as a drip, but she shot it directly into the port, which means Carol got too much epi at one go. Either the writers/directors don’t know what they’re doing, or Beth doesn’t. Hope it doesn’t kill Carol.

    And Father Pee Pants escaped out of the church without a weapon. He left his useful machete behind. How dumb is he? So now he’s out there without a clue, and with a wounded foot. Any bets on how long he lives before either walkers of infection/lockjaw take him out?

    Oh Sasha – you didn’t know Bob long enough to mourn this hard over him. I mean, you only met him right before the flu hit, so a couple of months at most. Yeah, eligible men are in short supply, but take a clue from when Beth lost Zack and get your head back in the game.

    Glad Rick left Michonne behind to take care of Carl and Judith. Clearly Ty still hasn’t learned to double tap to make sure his enemies are really, truly dead, given how Martin survived. And Michonne is about the only adult that Carl would respect and listen to. Because otherwise, Carl is NOT staying in the church(house).

    Glad Rosita is showing she has brains, as well as “other” talents. She’s useful, and know some basic healthcare. Tara is the big doofus we lost in Axel, and she’s really loyal to boot. And finally Maggie is back. I’ve missed her being in charge and laying sh*t on the table.

    • Karen, you and me both re: Dawn and a trap. NOPE. She showed her true colors, and I’m not buying this new DLC content she’s trying to get us to buy. NOPE. (And ha, I don’t think the writers know how to administer meds. They have other things to think about? LOL)

      El Padre es muy estupido. I just don’t even know with that one. I assume he’s off to tell the Termites there’s a baby for them. I’m hanging onto that theory until I hear otherwise. :D

      I was SO happy to have Maggie and her steel spine back this episode. Ooh, I love Lauren Cohen. She’s soft and hard all at once. AWESOME.

  • Claire

    Man oh man. After last week’s amazing episode of amazing, this one was a bit of a letdown for me. It was quiet and slow and people did things that made NO DAMN SENSE (hi, Sasha yes I’m talking to you WTFFF). That’s the thing – I have no problem if a show gives us an evil mastermind for a hostage who over time slowly gets his captors to trust him and then BOOM turns on them suddenly? But c’mon. Was there a SINGLE VIEWER out there watching Bob II and not thinking “he is playing her so fucking hard and there’s no way she’s going to fall for this shi- … oh FFS.”

    Other than that, not a lot happened. Dr. Deaton remained creepy as fuck and then… ran away? From the church? Into the woods? With ZERO skills and not even the goddamn machete. I am VERY confused. I saw that you said in another comment that you thought he was running to Terminus folks, but didn’t the remaining Terminus folks get horribly bludgeoned/hacked to death in the church? It’s so odd. He was acting like he was their captive and was escaping, but he wasn’t at all. At first I thought he’d gone off the deep end completely and was going to burn the damn church down with them inside. At least that didn’t happen!

    Beth continues to be awesometown. I’m also confused about WTF is happening with the rescue mission. Has it been compromised? Has it not? Is Bob II going to warn Dawn? Everything is unclear.

    I was very pleased to see Rosita use your handy tips on water filtration from a few weeks ago! I love seeing practical examples of their survival techniques (seriously, how have our heroes made it this far without knowing how to filter water??).

    All in all, it was a little …meh for me this week. Possibly because I was riding such a high from last week and was expecting a lot. Still, very much looking forward to next week’s battle royale. I am v. nervous about all of our heroes making it through. You can never be complacent with this show. It’ll cut you.

    Oh! Last but not least. The melted walkers were fucking GENIUS, and I howled with laughter when I saw that their car had been taken down by running over a melted walker. Amazing. I was terrified for Daryl’s hand too. And I full on cheered when he used that dude’s head to knock out bald cop. Daryl remains the fucking greatest.

    (LOVE your recaps, btw. I’m from the TW world – hence the Dr Deaton reference. I can’t think of him as anything else!)

    • Hi, Claire!! Welcome aboard. And ha, I referred to Father Chicken as Dr. Deaton when we met him, too. :D

      Sasha hasn’t been well written in some respects. I mean, in some ways, she’s ben given this wonderful tough-woman role, one where she has feelings, too, but they douched it with her telling Bob NO back on their way to Terminus, and a few NOs, but he what, wore her down? Off camera, too, so I never got on board. You can’t just TELL me they’re in love, I have to SEE it. So she gets short shrift that way, and then this episode where she puts an enemy at her back. But then, maybe that’s to show that she’s not as hard as she thinks, IDK. TIme will (hopefully) tell.

      I’m okay with episodes like this where pieces are moved into position–it gives me a chance to breathe and calculate, try and see what the plan is, where they’re going, all of that stuff. But I know that’s not the case for all viewers. I’m a fan of cliffhangers, and this week (as well as last week) had them, all the stuff you pointed out. What about Bob2? Where is Noah? *jams popcorn into mouth* WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH GABRIEL? I like getting bits and pieces, except for how I want THE WHOLE STORY RIGHT NOW, OMG. ;D

      And if I’ve learned one thing, it’s this: NEVER THINK ANYONE WILL GET THROUGH ALIVE. D:

      Seriously, though, how freaking cool were those melted walkers!? I just love the special effects on this show. LOVE. And, of course, I love Daryl “anything in a clench” Dixon. Mmm, hmmm. :D

    • Alison

      I thought the same thing. Isn’t Terminus moot at this point? All of the Termites have been neutralized?

      • I’m too panicked by everything to remember, clearly, ahahahaha. I CAN’T EVEN TRUST MY OWN EYES.

  • Anthony Stark of Winterfell

    I think that Father Fathead is just trying to maintain his coping mechanism. He has avoided the entire apocalypse so far by isolation. Now his Fortress of Solitude has been invaded by pushy people who are forcing him to attack the truth head on… that he’s been lucky so far and cannot continue on his path. So what does he do? He strikes off into the metaphorical desert for a sign from God… though I doubt he lasts 40 days and 40 nights!

    • Oh, I think you may be ultimately right about Preacher Poophead, but THIS IS THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR DENIAL! ;D

      Ooooh, I love that you brought it back to something Biblical, Anthony! I LOVE THAT. *strokes chin* We shall see, huh? Hmm… *adds 10 points to House Stark*

  • mrmonkeybottoms

    When my husband saw the gross water he was all, can’t drink THAT, and I was all LAURA TOLDED ME HOWS TO MAKE A FILTER WITH SAND AND PEBBLES AND SHIT and then they did that I was all smug. LEARNING.


  • My thought on the fallen preacher is that it was Judith’s crying that was unnerving him. Like probably one of the families he locked out of the church had a baby and it’s just too real for him.

    Also, I thought there was focus on nails/spikes in this episode. First: close-up of Coral hammering one into the door buttressing. Second, the pipes as spikes. Third, the tree stump that the woods walker gets stuck on. And last, the one Gabriel steps on. I’m not the most religious of people, but I saw the imagery.

    • OoooOOOooooh, Judith reminding him of a baby he locked out!! Oh, I like that a LOT.

      #1, you get 20 points for use of “Coral.” #2, you get an additional 15 points for the repeating image of a nail through things, the ground, the door, the Walker. This is what happens when I’m racing to get a post up while overwhelmed with RL — I miss important things like this!

      • 35 points! Whatever will I do with them all? I think I’ll hold them and hope I get to 50 someday. Maybe then trade for an apocalypse water filtration system.

        We all get overwhelmed. I appreciate your reviews, even if they miss little things every so often. ;-) A half-baked cake is better than no cake at all.

        (off-topic… I only discovered you after GoT 4.09 aired (thanks to WiC.net) and instantly went back to read ALL THE REVIEWS. My favorite line is still “Sansa: you in danger girl!”)

        • Life has been rather overwhelming as of late, and this is the first time it’s affected the reviews here, so BOO, ME.

          Oh, I’m so glad you stuck around! NGL, that’s one of my favorite lines, too. :D

        • Anthony Stark of Winterfell

          That’s how I was turned on to this website as well. Glad to see another convert!

  • Eddie H

    HAHAHAHA! Pube mullets! Fuckin great.

    • RIGHT? Short up front, but some dangle in the back? *hoooooark* ;D