GUYS. I had jury duty, and they picked me. So sorry for the delay but an actual person’s LIFE WAS ON THE LINE. Who cares, let’s talk about cookies and buttons! [Previously!]
We open with Sasha looking at some pictures of white people enjoying themselves. Seriously? They couldn’t do a sweep of empty houses and remove personal memorabilia? And were there no people of color in Alexandria? Welp, she can’t sleep, so she goes to the gun libraries (Republicans are probably salivating at that concept), checks out her sniper, promises Olivia that if she gets a boar (pfft, she’s hunting Walkers) she’ll make sure to send her prosciutto seeds (a leg)…
Hahaha, Sasha sets up the family photos and practices killing them. WOW, anger issues much? We all heal in our own way, I suppose. But man, that’s a waste of bullets. I hope they know how to make reloads. (Even though you have a -20% DAM with reloads, and even with a Critical Hit perk, you’re still not getting as much out of your .556RLs as you would with proper munitions but whatever.)
I think this is supposed to be emotional, but it isn’t until she sits and says, “Come and get me,” that I even cared. Maybe I’m dead inside? IDK.
Rick, Carol and Daryl are at the abandoned house looking at those bodies Rick and CORL took out—people Deanna banished?—making plans about getting their guns out of the library, pretty sure they can do this because Alexandria is filled with lucky fools. Which makes me think it’s a red herring. (But someone has to know about guns, because Rick’s is gone.) Daryl notices that one of the Walkers has a W carved in its head. For Walker? Or Wolves?Michonne has made some alterations to her police jacket, cinching it up in the back because loose clothes can be grabbed and then you’re Walker-meat. She’s unhappy about needing to lose the katana, though. They both know Deanna can’t be dismissed as some kind of dummy, so they’re not quite sure why they’re being handed the keys to the police station. They’re both aware of needing to be cautious about this whole situation, at least.
Daryl knows he’s being tracked on the outside and finds Ay-ay-ron, who is shocked that Daryl can differentiate between Walkers and humans and wonders if Daryl can tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy. After all, he’s just out there hunting rabbits, not tracking Daryl. (SORRY. I JUST CAN’T TRUST AY-AY-RON YET. I know this is probably a red herring, but I have been through a Red Wedding. Guys, I just can’t trust anymore. [sobs])
[That’s a lie. I think I do trust Ay-ay-ron by now. I don’t know. GAH.]
Deanna lays out the plan to Rick, Michonne and Maggie for the future of that town: they’re gonna be a grown up city one day, and they’ll be the ones on the walls in the fancy frames as Founders Of Civilization, how cool is that? Uh, that sounds awesome and all, but Rick is pretty sure Deanna isn’t aware that other humans are the danger? Maybe they need to focus on security measures that protect them from people and not the Walkers, who are basically less threatening than a pack of wild dogs. (Not really, but you feel me.)
They have a tower that would make a prime lookout but they’re not using it. WOMAN, WAKE UP. Sasha wants in as head looker. Deanna is more focused on this pretty sweet fundraiser, I mean, housewarming party she’s throwing to celebrate the N00Bs. This is… sketchy. We’re all worried, right? Especially when we see Carole trading cocoa lima bean recipes with the other Junior Leaguers? (Mostly I’m worried about cocoa powder, sweetener and mashed lima beans being something people eat. Willingly. Hooooark.)
The party tonight is a perfect way for Carol to slip out and steal some guns. She’s loving being invisible again—ah, nothing like being a woman where people don’t value how dangerous you really can be. Happy International Woman Day!
Daryl and Ay-ay-ron come across a wild horse, one Ay-ay-ron has been trying to catch for months. Daryl takes the rope and goes to make friends with the POHNEE. “The longer they’re out there, the more they become what they really are.” BE-WINGED ANGELS WITH A CROSS BOW AND BROKEN HEART JUST NEEDING LOVE? Oh, he means the horse. The capture is ruined by a group of Walkers scaring it off, though. BOO.
Carol manages to use a moment where two dudes come in for some nonfiction books (rifles) to unlatch a window and be flirted with by one of the guys, Tobin. Everyone is so damn trusting. I AM STILL SUSPICIOUS. It’s too easy. Daryl and Ay-ay-ron continuing hunting wabbits with Ay-ay-ron making a parallel with his being gay to Daryl’s being, what, poor and angry? I mean, I get it, people judge because they don’t understand. And Daryl lets him say his piece, then points out that the world is full of bad people doing bad things, and he doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone.
The NPR Membership Drive is in full swing with some Zinfandel being poured out (at least it’s not some oaky-ass Chardonnay) and everyone in their pearls and sweater-sets. It’s… really weird. Deanna is so excited for her vision of what Alexandria is going to become and it’s just so politician-y I automatically hate it. So does Abraham and Rosita who look really uncomfortable upon arrival.
Abraham: I don’t know about this.
Rosita: They have beer.
Abraham: I’m gonna try.
We meet Deanna’s husband who downplays their achievement with the town by stressing how amazing Rick is, and yeah, he is, but this is so flipping K-Street lobbyist centric that I just don’t trust those two. I mean, I’m not a Libertarian, but I think we all can agree that we probably couldn’t believe a damn word out of a politician’s mouth, right?
WHO THINKS THE HOOTCH IS SPIKED? That was my first thought when the husband Reg insisted Rick has some whiskey. (I always think the glasses are poisoned or something.) He’s too busy watching pretty Hair Cut Lady Jessie come in.
Daryl and Ay-ay-ron are missing the party, still looking for the horse and almost getting killed by Walkers. Well, Daryl doesn’t. A really nice camera shot: Ay-ay-ron shooting a Walker in the brain and the splatter hitting the camera lens.
OKAY I AM NOT GOING TO WATCH THESE WALKERS EAT A HORSE NOPE I DO NOT LIKE IT GODDAMMIT SHOW NOPE. THEY HAVE TO PUT IT DOWN AND THIS IS HORRIBLE I HATE EVERYTHING. WHYYYYYYYY I am now pretending Buttons died of old age after laying down in a field of alfalfa [GROSS SOBBING].
Ay-ay-ron doesn’t understand how the horse could get caught because “he always ran.”
Daryl: You were trying to help him.
Ay-ay-ron: I know you’re trying to make me stop working you over, but a) have you seen you? And b) I have a job to do.
They get back, Daryl watches the party from outside until he runs into Ay-ay-ron who invites him to join his partner Eric and him for Spaghetti. IS IT TUESDAY? [Hershel ‘Raisin Eyes’ Greene Moment of Tenderness]
Back at the party, Jessie introduces Rick to her husband, who has an A on his hand? He’s also a doctor and insists on getting Rick a refill. HMM. Jessie has a pretty positive outlook on the ZA World: we lost a lot of bullshit and met up with people who became family. Hooray! Rick watches Carl having fun with the other kids, and it’s pretty terrific to see him acting like a teen.
Rick doesn’t have a stamp, so one of Jessie’s kids stamps an “A” on his hand, to match his daddy. OH REALLY NOW. WHERE ELSE DOES RICK MATCH? Not the pants, amirite? [I apologize. I’m a terrible person.] She says, “Now you’re one of us,” and Rick thinks about how he can spread her out on his new bed from Pottery Barn and make her family. I’M JUST SAYING, THAT STUBBLE WOULD BE GREAT, wait, what were we talking about?
Sasha finally turns up and Deanna’s son Spencer flirts until she gets grossed out and leaves. Ha! Daryl charms Eric and Ay-ay-ron by his noodle slurping, and yeah, I know just how that sounds, and I meant it. Pretty nice little dinner party, too. I mean, they have a nice Merlot, hopefully full bodied and a little spicy to match the sauce. They do have a sweet motorcycle that needs fixing in the garage, though, and they hope he’ll fix it, take it for a spin and bring back a nice Chianti and pasta maker?
But… the real reason they’re giving him the bike is so he’ll be the one showing up all clean and “hey! Have you ever wondered where you came from and where you’re going?” speech to new recruitments. Because, as Ay-ay-ron says, “You do know the difference between good people and bad people.” And excuse me while my chest aches as I watch Daryl struggle to accept praise of any kind. He agrees, and says he’ll bring some rabbits, too.
Michonne looks at the tiny plastic sword stuck in a meatball. Is she now the meatball? Are they just serving themselves up? Do they come with a Stroganoff glaze? Wait. Abraham appears at her elbow and knows what she’s going through. It’s the warrior’s life: pray you don’t need a weapon/training, pray you don’t get too dependent on it, pray you never lose the skill with it. Also, he’s drunk. But he’s also right.Carol uses the party to break in, get her square of chocolate, and then load up on guns, when she’s surprised by that kid wanting cookies.
Kid: What are you doing?
Carol: NOTHING. UH. YOU WANT COOKIES? OH, YOU CAN HAVE COOKIES BUT LET ME SPLAIN YOU A THING ABOUT THE DARKNESS THAT DWELLS WITHIN ME AND HOW I WILL UNLEASH MY FURIOUS VENGEANCE UPON YOU SHOULD YOU TELL ANYONE YOU SAW ME HERE.
Kid: [pees pants]
Carol: Here, have a snickerdoodle! [gentle smile]
Uh, abused-woman has come forth, WOW.
Jessie comes over to Rick holding Judith, and wow, Rick has some “I really like being a husband” feelings seeing that, some stirring in his stuff and THANGS, and when he takes Judith from her, can’t help but lean in and press a gentle kiss to Jessie’s cheek, and are all of our panties on fire? Just me? Well, me and Jessie, because she’s Very Confused by these strange feelings (Jessie: they’re called feelings of lust. You’ve been married to a Yuppie Doctor, so I get why you’re not familiar with them).Is it just me or does she have a lot of tattoos for a doctor’s wife?
Sasha tries to mingle but has a minor freakout seeing Tyrese and people eating Bob’s foot until one of the nice ladies asks her what her favorite meal is. BITCH PEOPLE ARE DYING AND THEIR FEET ARE GETTING EATEN SO MAYBE STOP ASKING ME ABOUT BECHAMEL SAUCE. Um, you are ruining the ambiance of this shindig, Sasha.
Our trio of Scary has slipped out and are collecting the guns Carol stole the night before. Daryl has bought into whatever Eric and Aaron are selling. Carol’s still thinking like a survivor, and Rick is thinking about how long its been since he’s know the touch of a woman. [But he still takes a gun.] Michonne, back at home, hangs up her katana like a decoration. It’s not easy for her to do, but she does it.
Back inside the walls, Jessie and her husband wave at Rick, showing their “A’s”, and Rick, eyes only for Blonde Hair Cut, smiles back, and then reaches for his gun, gaze cutting to her husband. WOW, RICK. I don’t think you’ll need to take Doctor Flaccid out to hit it with Jessie, just a hunch. Or do you think he was going to rid himself of the gun because he wants to stay? (My money’s on the hit.)
He keeps his hand at the ready, running to the wall with an AMAZING overhead shot of a Walker on the otherside, Rick right there with his hand out, almost like he’s reminiscing about the Good Old Days. And it ain’t getting poon in the back of a ’78 Camaro. [Hint: it’s killing the hell out of some Walkers. Or safety. You decide.]
The song about “where are the girls/it is dead” overlays this and oh, Rick. You need a release. May I suggest you flirt with Michonne? Because I believe she could be down and she’s hot as hell. Just me?
And we all notice the parallels with Shane/Rick in season 2, right? Rick is now Shane (or is he?) and Michonne is Rick? IS UP, IN FACT, DOWN? Talk at me.