Game of Thrones 6.1 – The Red Woman

Jon Snow Game Thrones

[sings softly] “I know I’m unloveable. You don’t have to tell me…”

[Previously!] HEY GUYS ANOTHER YEAR OF HAVING OUR HEARTS RIPPED OUT, WHOO HOO!! Well, I don’t have any heart left, so I feel safe. Ha. HA HA HA, famous last words. You watch, come 6.9, I’ll be drunkenly crying on your shoulder. Fun stuff!

So if you’re new, here’s the skinny: I’m Unsullied! I have sworn a vow not to read the books until the show has come to an end. What’s that? You want to adjust your glasses and inform me that we’re out of Book Territory, ergo, you can say anything about—

NOPE. Ease up, Hoss. You’re stepping into JerkButt land, population: You. No book talk here. You have the whole internet for that, but this little place? [stands with hands on hips, gently smiles] This place is free of all book talk. Thankee, Sai. Plus, just ask some of the old timers and they’ll tell you how fun it is to watch me navigate the show as blindly as Arya Stark on the streets of Braavos.

We open at the wall, poor sad Direwolf puppy Ghost howling as Jon Snow lies on the ground, dead. Dead dead? Forever? Forever ever? For ever-ever? :( Ser Davos finally sees his corpse, the alarm has been raised, they see “TRAITOR” hanging over his head. A group carries him inside as Edd closes his eyes. He knows Thorne, aka Lord Butt Hurt did it.

Well, well, well, maybe Fire Crotch Mage—Melisandre’s red hair restored—might have a few kilowatts of Lord of Light left in her? Maybe? She’s not gonna lay hands on… Huh. No leeches on the pyre or shadow baby birthings? Just gonna let ol’ Ned Stark’s kid, the most famous bastard in all of Westeros, be all dead and stuff? Looks like it.

Lord Butt Hurt tries to restore order among a frustrated Night’s Watch dinner hour, and even admits he and the others killed Jon. “Yeah, I committed treason. Eh. But I hated him and it was the kind of hate that made my butt clench in a rage. Anyone? Any of you get rage poops? No? Literally just me? Wow. Anyway, Jon Snow knew nothing about the Night’s Watch, he even cave-married that Wildling then agreed to let them in, and it’s like, what have we been doing for all these years? Bro. BRO. You can’t just let the opposition come through, we’ve literally been doing the opposite of that for ages, and he’s just going to call Psych! and let them in? You get it. I had to kill him. Bro-code.”

Jon Snow Direwolf Ghost

Saddest puppy nose boop in history. D: D: D:

And… these bros kind of grumble and agree and I could use some Samwell #NotAllMen Tarley right about now.  The only good dudes up there seem to be holed up with Jon Snow’s body and Ser Davos and Edd. Oh, they have Ghost in there, and it made me so sad to see sweet Direwolf puppy Ghost nosing at Jon’s hand (I feel like that means something, right? Like, because Ghost is so insistent? Wishful drinking on my part? DON’T TELL ME THOUGH, omg.).

But WHAT DO? WHAT DO FELLAS? Davos doesn’t want to just try to overthrow Lord Butt Hurt, though. He’s got a plan, see? Edd seems to know what this means and takes off. I feel like he’s off to find the Wildlings. What else could he possibly do? Fashion a giant trench coat and they all climb inside and walk out?

Wow, it still hurts to see the Flayed Man sigil at Winterfell. I’m supposed to care that Ramsay is sad his murder bitch died, but I’m not. His tender words of love after tucking a loose tendril of hair behind her ear amount to, “I will flay so many people for having hurt you, you’d be so proud! I’m going to Jame Gumb/Buffalo Bill some Sansas, you’ll see. Sigh. Well, there goes Whatsername. Feed her to the dogs.”

Daddy Bolton wants to make sure Ramsay knows that his soccer game was okay… for a first grader. But he didn’t think he was playing at a higher level right? Oh dear, he did for a second, didn’t he? Bless. And because Ramsay was a dick to Sansa Stark, he’ll never make Select Club. Perma rec-league for Ramsay, it seems, so good thing Walda is possibly carrying a ringer. Roose Bolton is such a vindictive shit.

Sansa Stark Theon Reek

God, I’m freezing just looking at this.

Sansa and Reek are off and running, so I guess they did land in a snow drift when they jumped in 5.10. The hounds are after them, so they have to cross a partially frozen river in order to throw off their scent. Sansa is ill-equipped for this level of outdoorsmanship. They cuddle under a fallen tree for warmth, but they can hear the hounds.

Sansa Stark Theon Greyjoy Sansa Stark Theon Greyjoy

 

Sansa Stark Theon Greyjoy Sansa Stark Theon Greyjoy

 

 

 

 

 

 

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS? Because I want to talk for fourteen hours about how Sansa has been all alone for a very long time and the only tenderness she’s gotten since her father was beheaded was from Margery Tyrell, and she couldn’t really trust that, and this is the first time someone has just held her for her own well being and it is THEON, someone she once called BROTHER and then called REEK and… I just have a lot of feelings. SANSA I AM, as always, ROOTING FOR YOU. She looks so relieved, too…

Reek goes to intercept the Boltons on their tail to allow her to run on. THEON IS NO LONGER REEK and my heart rejoices. But of course, they all find her because it’s not like Theon/Reek is any GOOD at stuff. (Sorry, dude.) BUT HOLY SCHNIKIES, BRIENNE OF TARTH ARRIVES WITH POD AND A DESIRE TO SAVE LADY SANSA AND I NOW BELIEVE IN A GOD. Pod holds his own, too, well, for a good long while. Pod has no hat, no warm clothes, and does his best, sweet, dear Pod, and Theon finished off the guy when it starts looking bad because if there’s one thing Theon Greyjoy of the Iron Islands is good at, it’s stabbing someone in the back.

Brienne gets on one knee and offers to give her life for Sansa, and I love Brienne so much, holy smokes. SANSA. TAKE THE OFFER. Oh, good, she does. She does it properly, even though she’s cold-dumb and half alert. I am so happy, oh my gosh.

Brienne Tarth Sansa Stark

source: vaniwin.tumblr.com

Now get on those horses and get warm, I am shivering just looking at you lot.

Meanwhile, back on Shame Island, Dowager Mother Cersei Lannister strokes her shorn hair and dreams of hugging Marcella, and oh man, that’s never going to happen, wow. Two down, one to go, but she doesn’t know it just yet. Uncle Daddy Jamie is there instead, once again failing to give his sister-lover what she wants. And their cinnamon roll Marcella was too good, too pure for this world.

Well, Cersei knew. Prophesy given and all that rot.

Jaime: Fuck prophesy. Fuck everyone who isn’t us.
Tyrion, in Meereen: Lord knows I’ve tried…
Me: [cackles, clinks wine glasses]

Margery, in her shame prison–they love to shame the ladies on this show what, are you new?–gets a’preaching to by Nun Ratchett, who seems to take pleasure in being shitty to women in particular. Fun? The uber-Franciscan Pope of Westeros makes sure Margary knows that if she just confesses to her sins…

[insert the fifty previous times I’ve made a Goonies reference to confessions]

…she can be on her way to a new and pious life. Yeah, sounds great and devoid of tea cakes and cheese and bonings on the reg. HARD PASS.

Prince Doran finally hears about Marcella being killed, and Ellaria and one of the daughters go into action, killing the Prince’s guard and then holy shit, stabbing him after just joking about the family and making summer vacation plans. That’s some cold-ass shit right there. The other guards watch on because apparently no one really cared about him?

“Weak men will never rule Dorne again.” I mean, I can get behind that, but it’s so messy. Someone will have to scrub blood out of the stones and throne, Ellaria. Then there will need to be a committee to pick a new fabric for the chair and UGH.

The other Sandsnake daughters show up to murder their brother Trystane, who’s holed up painting eyes on rocks. No, really. Seems… like a good job to keep busy? (Ugh, I don’t care if this is SEWPER IMPORTANT in the books. On TV it looks like a teenage boy painting eyes on rocks like a simpleton. “They’re my new friends! They’ll watch me lift weights and eye my ever growing caterpillarian mustache and they’ll never be mean to me like my sisters cousins.”)

EDIT. Well, well, me, looks like I’m the dummy. On Twitter, Jen B points out to me that these could be the rocks they put over people’s eyes in their crypt, but since we only saw this on King Weaselteat and they mythos wasn’t really delved into on the show, I missed it. Mea culpa.

Speaking of sisters cousins… The girls just pop his brain pan like it’s nothing, so I guess they didn’t have a close family. Okay, now I get it with the rocks. Also, women are being pretty damn boss this episode.

…Women being powerful? on MY Game of Thrones?!  It’s more likely than you’d think.

parks and rec Leslie Knope

Women I can get behind. Because it’s dangerous in front of them. [ba-dum-bumTISS]

Tyrion and Varys pretend to be common men to get the 411 on the Mother of Dragons out on the streets. Some folks are trying to get the freed slaves to rise up, and others are trying to lay low because they know what the Sons of the Harpy are capable of. Like… burning every ship in the harbor. Damn. There goes that weekend sail.

Daario and Jorah look for their Khaleesi, and my hope is that somehow they’ll find that tiny ring of hers in the middle of nowhere, because that’s reasonable. That is totally a thing that makes perfect sense that could happen. I will say that it’s awful pretty wherever they are, even with the visible sign of a circling horde tearing up the ground around… ah, there it is! Dany’s ring. Good work, Detective Jorah! (But at least they made it logical that a regular person would be able to find that tiny clue.)

And fun, we get to hear some of the Dothraki dudes wonder if the curtains match the rug, how she could take it up the bunghole, and other fun dude talk. Just guys being dudes! Where’s a luck dragon when you need one, amirite, ladies?

New Khal: Seeing a naked lady is like, the top thing ever, right m’dudes?
Tweedle Dee: What about breaking in a new ride, aka a horse?
Tweedle Dum: You know when you have a mosquito bite? And you scratch and scratch and it’s awesome but just before it hurts?
Tweedle Dummer: I don’t know, bro, when water trapped in your ear finally leaks out? Pretty sweet. Like, it gives me the shivers.
Tweedle Dumbest: Is… is no one going to say a baby’s smile? Because I feel like someone should say…
New Khal: BOOBIES. GUYS. COME ON.
Guys: … right, right, bewbs. Totally awesome. HIGH FIVE.
Dany: Are you so arrogant that you don’t think that I can speak your language? Pfft. Of course you are. By the way, m’Bona Fides. Yeah, hi. Nice to meet you, Mother of Dragons, yadda yadda. Oh, oh, so now I got your attention? Tell Rape Patrol to back the eff off and listen up, cowboys.
New Khal: Yeah, no. I will rape you instead.
Dany: Khal Drogo’s ghost is watching and doesn’t like you. Also, I hate that I have to call onto a dude to get you to take me seriously.
New Khal: Well, we sort of are short hand for rape culture, so, yeah. You’re going to have to. Tell your dead husband no disrespect meant.
Dany: [looks at camera like she’s on The Office]

Daenerys Targaryen Khal

“I am completely surrounded by idiots. He’s checking out my bum, isn’t it? God dammit…”

Instead of helping her, though, they want to send her off to Crone Island. Hope you like cats and knitting, Khaleesi!

Arya, blind and begging in the streets of Braavos, cannot see, but then no one sees her either. Except for A Girl, who knows that Arya can still stand and fight. A Girl is a shit, damn, tenderizing Arya with a quarterstaff, hoping Arya will pick hers up and fight back. But we know what Arya is capable of, so it’s okay? I think? Ugh.I hate the whole tear someone down to build them back up stuff, but then, I’m just a girl (not A Girl) so what do I know? Pfft, I’m so lame I think Crone Island with other ladies and no Rape Culture sounds amazeballs.

Arya Stark Game Thrones

This is one epic eye-roll. Also, I dig those sandals. Not the point of this scene? Fiiiiiiiiine.

Lord Butt Hurt presents Davos and his group “amnesty,” but while Davos was born at night, it wasn’t last night. He knows he can’t just fist bump Alliser and be on his way. So maybe they need Fire Crotch Mage to do the voodoo that she do so well.

Where is she? Melisandre is checking herself out in a mirror, and if I looked like her, I would be checking myself out in a mirror, too. She’s built like a brick shit-house, after all. I get it. She sadly stares at her magnificent bewbs, removes her choker (and the red light glowing in the center stone dims!) and she sees herself, her TRUE self: old, wrinkled, ruined. It’s all very The Shining, room 237.

Melisandre Red Woman

HAHAHAHA.

Has she lost her faith? Does she do this every night? She just climbs into her fur-lined bed…

WHAT.

Is she giving up her youth and vitality for something? For Davos? FOR JON SNOW?! (OMG, no spoilers or I will drive to your house and slap your hand and make you watch a 10 hour loop of Ted Cruz looking constipated, Clockwork Orange style. And I won’t bring eye drops.)

But it’s like the show is trying to say that a woman will only be taken seriously if she’s young and vital, fuckable. Like Melisandre. But wait, that’s not right because Dany is young and vital, fuckable, and the Khalasar doesn’t care about her. And Sansa is young and vital, fuckable, and she’s being used for her body and… Guys?

Take a knee.

It’s almost like women have layers. It’s almost like people’s (men) perception of  women is what allows or prevents them from accomplishing their goals.

Whaaaaaaat?

Okay, sound off (respectfully and sans spoilers) about your thoughts for the season. Is this a new and improved season? Is Brienne of Tarth truly the best of all of us? Are we feeling off-kilter because Cersei wasn’t blasted on wine for her scene?

GUYS. PLEASE. If something is in the books and didn’t air on the show because of course everything in the books can’t be on the show, it is a spoiler. A book spoiler. Talk about the show, please, and keep your poor dumb writer (*waves*) pure and fresh? If you want to talk about the books, you have LOTS of options. This website just isn’t one of them. <3

Click here for 6.2 – HOME!

Please like & share:
  • Renee Burton

    No worries! No one can spoil you anymore. We’re ALL on the same ground now. The end of last season was the end of the books so … I can’t tell you any more than anyone else can unless they have a secret copy of the Winds of Winter hidden away somewhere.
    This episode was a slow one for me. Not that it is a bad thing, I’m fine with slow. We got a lot of details just not a lot of answers. I want Arya to kick A Girl’s behind so much. I can’t wait until she’s figured out the blindness thing and kick’s A Girl’s sighted patootie.
    Brienne and Sansa… I’ve never been a big Sansa fan (in the books at least)but I teared up a little when Brienne gave her oath and Sansa took it. She’s been through so much. I hope Brienne can keep her safe!
    I saw somewhere that Davos is in the Top 5 of characters to die this season. I will be very, very sad if/when that day comes. He’s been my favorite for a good long while now. I know. Having favorites is bad. : Can’t help it. Here’s hoping he makes it through this next season. <3

    • YES. YES YOU CAN STILL SPOIL ME, AHHH!! If it’s in the books (and background on a character) but DIDN’T make it onto the show, then it is a spoiler! Please, please remember that. We’re not all on equal footing here, not if you’re a book reader. PLEASE.

      This was definitely a “Previously, on Game of Thrones…” and then positioning our chess pieces for the upcoming season, but Ep1 tends to follow that pattern. I appreciated it since it always seems like ages between seasons (and I clearly forget stuff!).

    • Lyanna Mormont

      There are definitely things that are in the books that haven’t played out on screen, and which may yet happen, or which may give cluse to what might happen. So, no book talk.

  • *raises hand* not that it matters because outcome is the same (deadness) but Trystane’s the Sand Snakes’ cousin, not brother. *relives brain-popping moment* D:

    • THANK YOU, ALETHEA! I just made the edit. This is what happens when a) I didn’t really care much about the Sandsnakes in S5 so I assumed all children of Dorne are Obyern’s (hahaha) and b) I’m racing out the door to get ahead of a thunderstorm.

      • (thumbsup)

      • chortles81

        I recall Dorne being more tolerant of bastards… but Ellaria and the Sand Snakes just ended the legitimate Martell line! Maybe she wasn’t kidding last season about how badly Dornishmen wanted war?

        • THIS!! I guess she wasn’t using hyperbole, huh?

          • chortles81

            It’s all the WTF to me for the reason that I can’t imagine even a vengeful Dornishman deciding that rebelling (even by standing by as the guards did) against their liege lord — and ending the house under which Dorne successfully resisted the first Targaryen king (no spoiler, back in season 4 Tywin admitted to Oberyn this motivation for keeping Dorne allied) — was needed because he hasn’t already let slip the hounds of war… and why the hell was it not enough to demand the Mountain’s head considering his confession while killing Oberyn?

            (For what it’s worth, I imagine Oberyn was trying to get the Mountain to finger Tywin as giving the order to kill Elia — which Tywin had denied before Oberyn — giving House Martell a casus belli BESIDES Oberyn’s death, for as Doran pointed out “by law that is no murder.”)

            • I agree with all of this, so you know. YES.

              • chortles81

                One more thing: that bit re: successfully resisting and rebelling against conquest is basically their military feat in Westerosi history… actually expanding on that, not so much. So WTF do they think a ‘successful’ war with “the Lannisters” looks like?! And I don’t mean “a picnic” or “a Dornish sack of King’s Landing (oh irony) and/or Casterly Rock” but rather on the way to either…

        • juan milos

          I watched a video about history of dorne….. And Martell leigtimne shouldn’t mean much…… Dorne loves them some bad bitches I’ll leave it at that

  • magnusk_98

    Hey Laura, welcome back. :)

    Don’t worry, there are no spoilers. It’s all pretty much new stuff for everybody and the showrunners have kept a really tight leash on any leaks. So, everybody is unsullied now.

    Speculation how and if they will get Jon Snow back is everywhere, but nobody knows a single fact. Hence, I guess, we’ll see. ^^

    Good to read your reviews again. I think the next nine weeks will be a wild ride.

    Oh, and the “eye on a stone” thing references the Westeros tradition to put stones painted as eyes on dead peoples closed eyes for burial, as seen in the first episode of season one and a few times since (Tywins burial, etc). So it seems Trystane painting the stone was a none too subtle allusion to his fate only a few seconds later.

    • NOPE, THERE ARE STILL SPOILERS POSSIBLE. Not evrything in the books have made it on screen, so it will be a spoiler to me and other tv-only viewers.

      Half the fun for me is seeing everyone coming back each season. We’re like a big, awesome family. But not the Martell family (or god, the Lannister family) because then it would get weird. And deadly. ;)

      Someone else pointed out on twitter about the eye thing, so I made the edit to the post, thank you!! It wasn’t totally clear (and also I’m a scatterbrain) but yes yes, crypts. I guess it’s for Oberyn, which is interesting that the Sandsnakes were also honoring his death, but in a more tactile, actionable way.

      • We saw the eye thing in the very first episode with Jon Arryn. But most of them have been members of the Lannister family like Joffrey & Tywin. I don’t recall if we ever saw Robert with them.

        • It’s been a looooooong time since S1ep1 for me, but I appreciate you pointing that out, as well as how it’s been centered around the Lannister family. Honestly, I know more about Lady Olenna’s love of what flavor of tea cake than I do any religious rites…

          • I haven’t read the books, but I spend enough time reading online to get some hint of their rites. And one tidbit is that the faith of the seven does not permit polygamous marriage, and even the formerly polygamous Targaryens were forced to submit to that westerosi norm (although they bizarrely stuck to sibling marriage which for understandable reasons nobody else regards as acceptable). Sansa’s marriage to Tyrion is likely considered to be still standing, so I don’t think there would have been any legitimacy accorded to an overlapping marriage with Ramsay Bolton (Lysa Arryn at least could have hoped he’d be executed before Sansa married her son). One group which does practice polygamous marriage are the Iron Islanders, who seem to retain a religion which the First Men had even before encountering the Children of the Forest and their Old Gods. A man may only have one ironborn “rock wife”, whereas he can capture multiple “salt wives”, who are lower status concubines but still part of a formal marriage pact.

            • This sure looks like a lot of book talk… Or gleaned from book talk. Let’s stick to the episode, please.

      • Lyanna Mormont

        I assumed Trystane was painting eye stones for Myrcella, since they were so much in love and all. It looked like he was still on the ship they sailed to KL with – which makes me wonder how the Sand Snakes got there so fast…

  • Theon (actual Theon) and Sansa together works for me. Theon was such a little shit and has a lot to account for, but his tenderness and sacrifice for Sansa works for me. And Brienne laying down her sword for Sansa makes me so happy. I can only imagine Lady Catelyn would be immensely happy. It was perfection.

    Some will say we book readers cannot spoil anything now, but we totally can. There are so many things that happened last night that could be nuanced by book knowledge. We need to stay vigilant. We are the watchers on the wall… bad example.

    • CHRISTOPHER, LET ME LOVE YOU for what you said about spoilers. Thank you. Yes yes yes, and I appreciate that so much. <3

      I'm really enjoying Theon being on a redemption arc and coming back into the boy who genuinely cared about his foster family. And lord knows Sansa needs some real, genuine support. And now she has both Theon AND Brienne! (And in a way, Pod. Hahaha.)

      I was thinking the same thing about Catelyn Stark beaming with pride from whatever heavens exist in Westeros. Finally a good thing for a Stark! WAIT, NO, FORGET I SAID THAT!!

      …crap, I just jinxed it, huh? ;)

      • chortles81

        Food for thought: Sansa was sought out by lords (and possibly Olenna, or so Tywin thought) because with her siblings supposedly dead she was the last Stark accounted for — but who’s to say that, now out of Lannister/Baelish/Bolton custody, she can’t present herself as ‘the last Stark’ to rally northern Stark loyalist lords against the Boltons? If we can take Roose’s “they won’t back us without Sansa Stark” literally…

        (Theon admitted to not killing Bran and Rickon and Brienne confirmed Arya, but I don’t remember either of them having any idea where the respective Stark siblings went much less happened thereafter, and I don’t remember if Roose ever found out that Locke failed to kill Bran and Rickon.)

    • Eddie H

      I’m seeing Sansa’s group surrounding her as a parallel to Dany’s entourage. It’s a much smaller scale but now this is a group who has been through shit, as has Sansa. It’s her own personal guard and I take that to mean that she’s going places. She’s coming back from the brink and is on a trajectory to a place of empowerment (as the true Lady of Winterfell?).

      • That’s my thought too. I Dany microcosm, but much shorter timespan and with more (potential) local allies. She gets my vote for Queen in the North.

  • Lisa

    If two characters deserve a hug more than Sansa and Theon. I don’t even want to know about it. I don’t however want to see Sansa and Theon’s faces when they learn that Jon is dead (not dead!)

    And Jon is not permanently dead. Not a spoiler, I just absolutely refuse to believe that Jon is permanently dead.

    And I was also somewhat dismayed by the subtext of Melisendre hag. Though I guess I could also see something of her power being fueled by faith and now her faith is at a low ebb. She did just burn a sweet 10 year old girl for no damn reason.

    • I refuse to believe he’s permanently dead, too. JE REFUSE!

      Oh, I like your idea of her power being fueled by faith, etc. And I WONDER ABOUT THIS: she very slowly disrobes both her clothes and glamour and climbs into bed. So does she do this every night? Does she have to watch herself every night? I feel like that must mean something, but I’m not sure what.

      POOR LITTLE CRISPY NEWT, TOO GOOD AND PURE FOR THIS WORLD. D:

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Thoros raised Beric Dondarrion from the dead multiple times. Melisandre knows about this. Melisandre is at the Wall with Jon’s corpse. Melisandre saw Jon in the flames, fighting at Winterfell.

        There’s just NO WAY Jon is staying dead. For an episode or two, maybe, but then he’ll be back… in some form. (Beric wasn’t exactly himself afterwards, so, no guarantee of happily ever after.) It’s a Chekhov’s gun waiting to be fired.

  • debijl

    Welcome back Laura and show! The Stark sisters broke my heart and have been breaking my heart for years. I REALLY want good things for them and the Starks in general.
    I am rarely offended by things, but the comments I saw online and on twitter about the last scene being a ‘boner killer’ made me want to puke. Its as tho Melissandre has no worth anymore if she no longer has a place in “spank banks” . She is going to be a hero this season…that’s for sure.!

    • God, you and me both re: the Stark sisters! And I’m so happy about all of my crew coming back to watch the show together. <3

      UGH, I'm so over the whole childish mindset of women only existing to get a dude's dick hard. Which… kind of was the point of this episode. A NICE CHANGE OF EVENTS, EH?

      • debijl

        Even tho we haven’t seen him in 3 years, I am STILL hoping for a Arya/Gendry ship! Wishful thinking, I know…..

    • Lisa

      This. So very this. No fanboys, Melisedre and her boobies do not just exist as your sex fantasy ( she knows that and uses your dumb wankers against you). I thrill in their visceral shudders.

  • Lisa

    Also Dany would be smart to just go along to the khal widows home, she knows that sooner or later her dragon is gonna want its mommy.

  • EvilDragon

    Book reader here: sure, we are beyond the books in most storylines, but you totally could still get spoiled, nothing of the “We’re all Unsullied now” nonsense. I can guess at least 6 plot points and several character moments based on my book knowledge and the trailers and even with all deviations, some of it is bound to be right. So everyone still needs to be careful.

    Anyway, I loved the episode. The stuff at Castle Black was great (and I love that set and that they still find new angles to show it) and I think the Melisandre reveal was interesting, because it shows that she definitely has powers even in her current crisis of faith.

    And Jon ain’t dead soon, I’m sure.

    Dorne: I don’t like it, because I though family was sacred to them.

    Meeren, Varys and Tyrion are always gold and I liked the comments about Tyrion behaving like a rich person. They were followed/watched, right? I’m afraid for their safety with those mask dudes still around.

    King’s Landing: I just feel sad for Cersei, how happy she was when she heard about the ship approaching. Margaery and Loras need to be let out of their cells immediately, but I’m weirdly fascinated by Jonathan Pryce as the High Sparrow (nice to see him in the opening credits).

    I’ve seen many people expressing boredom with Arya’s storyline in Braavos but I like her short training scene.

    Finally, Daenerys cannot catch a break with the Dothraki. I really do feel for and I must ask at the same time: Is it wrong to think those Dothraki were really hilarious. I cracked up during their Monty-Python-esque scene discussing the best things in world.

    • Allow me to bake you a cake in the flavor of your choosing for your opener. YES YES, THANK YOU. <3 Please no book talk because there are about 2,671,452 pages of the books that didn't make the screen.

      I am VERY interested in following Melisandre's story. I know some people are wondering how old she is, and I get it, but I like not knowing. I like the idea that she could be CENTURIES old, has seen things, etc., and suddenly, seeing Jon Snow lying dead means she questions her faith? WHY? AHHH, looking forward to it.

      People bored with Arya Stark?! Oh man, not me. We're just getting to the good stuff with her. She's been riding high on rage and anger, and now we're finally seeing this young girl AFRAID. We've never really seen her afraid, not for long, not until her righteous fury takes the driver seat, pushing her forward.

      We're 100% agreed on Dorne. I… don't get it. The show isn't really making me care. And I have gone on record as having loved Oberyn something fierce. So.

      (I thought the Dothraki dude-exchange was hilarious, honestly. Nice departure, especially the women, bored, saying to cut off her head. Hahahaha.)

      • chortles81

        No book spoilers re: how old she is (readers only have theories) but I vaguely recall Carice van Houten mentioning Melisandre’s age on a behind-the-scenes video interview for a prior season?

        • No clue! If it’s not on the episode, I don’t know it. I avoid trailers, interviews, all of it. I’m a nerrrrrrrrd.

      • Cyrano Thebirdsareback

        My theory re: Dorne is that the whole thing is a giant chess-piece move to get a Dornish army moving North (ostensibly to take on the Lannisters), just in time for the actual threat to come over the Wall and begin rolling through the 7 Kingdoms. Former enemies join forces to face the existential threat to their mutual existence?

        • Oh ho ho, like, operation, GET BEHIND THE DORNISH? Because I could support that! Wait, make it GET BEHIND THE BOLTONS, then the Dornish can be the second wave, send in the dragons to burn the bodies–thereby stopping new Undead Recruits–then Lannisters…

          :D

      • Lyanna Mormont

        I picture Melisandre as someone who has long been convinced that she was Special, and had a Purpose. Then the first signs of the coming conflict (White Walkers) emerged, and she just KNEW that This Was It. She was going to serve the Lord of Light and his chosen, and make sure that everything happened the way it had to in order for humanity to win. She interpreted her visions as Stannis being The One, and did all she could to “guide” him. But she was wrong, and Stannis is gone, so she remembered that young man at the Wall, the one filled with so much power, the one she’d seen in her flames, and rushed back to the Wall. But now he’s gone too, and she’s wondering if maybe she was wrong about all of it, if maybe she isn’t Special after all, doesn’t have a Purpose…

        Yeah, I can see why she’d want a nap. Maybe when she wakes up she’ll be ready to get back up and fight again, hopefully now following her visions rather than trying to force them to fit her interpretation.

  • Eddie H

    So happy to be back here again! To answer your question, yes. Brienne is the best of all of us and all of Westeros too. Her face as Sansa confirmed her into her service! In regards to Ed, I can’t think of anywhere else he would be going other than to fetch the wildlings. This really felt like a great start to the season. It’s also kinda cool that in so many ways I really have no clue where this is all going. So, here we go!

    • THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING MY QUESTION, ugh, you get me, Eddie. You really do. :D

      I love that so many of you are going to experience what I’ve been all along: COMPLETE CONFUSION. Hahahaha.

      So glad to have you back!

    • Lisa

      My interpretation was definitely Wildlings. There was some line about there being others whose lives Jon had saved. So I thought definitely Wildlings.

      • chortles81

        Why not? A crow, but the crow who did what he could for them after Stannis crushed them.

  • Moriah Gemel

    I am super curious what’s going on with Melisandre. Like, I want her back story. I wonder how she grew up (as a slave she said, but to whom?). I wonder how she got that magical necklace. I wonder what she’ll see in the flames now. What’s she gonna do? I’m fascinated.

    • I DO, TOO. she didn’t have her necklace on when she was bathing in front of Selyse way back when, BUT. She was whipping up some potions. Maybe she doesn’t always need it? IDK, I like her being Mad Madam Mim and aged, liver-spotted and powerful, but hopefully there is a POINT to her being young and vibrant, story-wise. And ha, no wonder she gave birth to shadow!

      • Moriah Gemel

        Well, as far as I can see, she’s young and beautiful so she can seduce her way into power. That’s what she did with Stannis. I mean, on a basic level, she did much more than that. And I think that’s impressive anyway, using her magical youth and beauty as a means to an end. And now that that end is all FUBAR, she doesn’t NEED to be young and beautiful anymore maybe? She won’t get anywhere seducing Davos or, now Jon Snow, she was really counting on him I think, because she was really grieving when she saw he was dead. I don’t know, I’m just very confused and interested in her everything right now.

        • Honestly, I kind of think she does this every night, the stripping down to her base self. I DON’T KNOW AND I WANT TO KNOW.

          • debijl

            Might she put the necklace on Jon, to restore life.

          • chortles81

            My guess is she figured that if the savior wasn’t Stannis, it must be Jon, hence her reaction.

  • mrspidey80

    Glad you’re back, Laura. Over the last few years, I’ve grown to look forward to your hilarious recaps the most.

    • Awww, that is the nicest thing to hear, thank you!! <3 I'm so happy to see my gang back around these parts, too.

  • Brian Brewer

    I assumed the eye stones were for Myrcella to show his grief/affection for her. And since he was on the boat with her, he knows she has been killed and that he is probably next.

    • I didn’t even CONSIDER that he knew Myrcella was dead, because I have been asleep at the wheel with the whole Dornish story line. D:

    • Rebekah Fletcher

      I wonder if this is a tradition in the Faith of the Seven, for a loved one to paint their best rendition of the dead person’s eyes on stones to go on their corpse. It seems like a cutely emo thing for Trystane to be doing.

  • SaintsGrrl

    I love you for using the term “Thankee, Sai.”

  • MaxwellJames

    Forever? Forever ever? For ever-ever?

    Forever never seems so long, until you’re grown. And notice that not one damn good thing has happened on this show for far too long –

    …wait a sec, is that Brienne and Pod. Rescuing Sansa and Theon? And Brienne pledging her leal service in exchange for hearth and home (exact location to be determined later)? And OMG, how did this giant pile of chopped onions materialize in front of me?

    Ahhh, well that should hold me for a while. At least until Sansa and Theon both perish next episode due to delayed-onset hypothermia #notaspoiler.

    (But at least they made it logical that a regular person would be able to find that tiny clue.)

    Personally, I was a bit disappointed that Jorah didn’t whip out some Aragorn-esque Level 16 Tracking skills in order to find that thing. But then again, he never wanted to be a ranger.

    As for the woman of the title, I’ll just stroke my chin hairs and say “Hmm, verrry interesting.”

    Glad you’re still at it, and glad to be back.

    • MAXWELL I AM PLEASED AS PUNCH (the drink, not a Mountain to Oberyn face-tap) TO SEE YOU BACK.

      And I, too, was beyond moved and joyous–not even cautiously–when Brienne and Pod rode in to save the day. Ahhh.

      I am torn about Jorah and his tracking skills, because it would have seemed a bit far-fetched if he had Ranger-like skills. I mean, I woul dhave gone along with it because it’s Jorah and Iain Glenn’s voice gives me life.

      As long as this show continues to surprise me (and it does!) I’ll be here! Glad to see you, too.

    • Lyanna Mormont

      Why oh why is it that people who grew up in the North still don’t know to COVER THEIR HEADS to keep warm?

      (Yes, I know, the audience needs to see their faces. BUT.)

  • Andy Street

    Nooo Doran we hardly knew ye.

    I guess that’s where trying to govern responsibly and not embroil your people in a horrible war for personal vengeance gets you…

    I am really really over the whole Dorne plot. It’s like a little piece of a much worse fantasy show has parasitically attached itself to my programme and is draining the life out of it.

    I think Melisandre is basically having a crisis of faith – everything her God has given her has turned out to be a lie – even her own youthful appearance. I think she’s looking at herself as she really is for the first time in possibly decades. She crawled off to bed utterly defeated and I think she’s going to need to be talked round into using her powers to help by Davos of all people.

    • “Nooo Doran we hardly knew ye.” THIS. We didn’t know him, so I didn’t feel so downhearted at his death? That’s… probably a problem.

      I’m with you on being over the Dorne plot. Too little (too late) and too woodenly delivered, I think.

      Well, I’d argue about FCM’s youthful appearance being a lie to HER. I’d say she was well aware of this glamor of hers, being a witch and all. It’s one of the top 5 witch skills you learn (along with proper newt eye extraction, virginal blood procurement, wart enhancers, and cast iron pot prep). I’m not sure if it’s a crisis in faith (I think there’s an argument for that to be the case) or if it’s just her nightly, “How much longer can I keep this up for people who don’t care?” thing? I just don’t know! Fortunately I’m excited to find out.

      I like your idea of Davos having to talk her into helping.

      • Andy Street

        Oh, I didn’t really mean she literelly didn’t know what she looks like now. It’s more that she’s wallowing in self-pity and thinking ‘everything I believed is a lie, what’s the point even keeping up the pretence any more’ and staring in revulsion at the wreck she really is.

        With Doran I think it’s more the waste of Alexandr Siddig – I was hoping there was more to the character and had been developing theories about what he’s REALLY up to – but instead we are stuck with Ellaria and the three little psychopaths.

        I’m not sure what the show-makers want me to think about the Sand Snakes. Am I supposed to like them or root for them? Pretty much all they have done is murder some children and unsuspecting close relatives and make terrible quips. More than anything at the moment they come across like vaguely-themed henchmen from one of the more forgettable Connery Bond films. As they are set up as antagonists for much better-rounded villains/anti-heroes that we have grown quite attached to in the Lannister twins I can’t see anyone really cheering them on.

        • I have no interest in the Sand Snakes. I should. I SHOULD. But I don’t. That’s on the storytellers’ shoulders.

          They’re cardboard cutouts and uninteresting. Which is a shame, because they could be AMAZING.

  • Jan

    Just a tiny note concerning the Eye stones, we have actually seen this three times already on the show – Jon Arryn (S1E1), Joffrey and Tywin.

    • Right. But there isn’t much that’s ever been said about it, just that it’s happening? The Dorne storyline hasn’t caught my interest enough (unfortunately!) to get me to realize what’s happening. I forgot the kid was on a ship, honestly!

  • Rebekah Fletcher

    Whatever happened to Ramsay’s dogs? I watched the fight scene twice and it’s like they disappeared. It is possible that Theon killed them off screen, I guess, but surely they would have mauled Sansa first. Are we supposed to think they just ran away at the sight of Brienne? Maybe Bran warged them from his distant cave.

    • Andy Street

      Well they were bloodhounds – super good at tracking but not really the kind of dogs that Ramsay would use to rip apart one of his former squeezes. Kind of makes sense as they needed Sansa alive and un-chewed.

      In-universe, they probably just ran off. Out of universe, I suppose they just baulked at having one of their few remaining completely sympathetic characters butcher a bunch of doggies…

      • LOL. I think the mean dogs were still feasting on Myranda… Plus, Roose wants Sansa alive. Theon, too, as you mentioned. You can hear them run off when the fighting happens.

        Them’s tracking ‘hounds, they ain’t no chewing pups.

    • I wondered the same thing. I was watching the ass-kickings given by Brienne, Pod & Theon and at the end realized even the dogs were gone. I never noticed them run off – was going to go back and watch but it sounds like it doesn’t help. Not sure why I care so much but I found it odd that given all the talk of his dogs that they weren’t more a part of the fight.

  • Michael

    Happy the new season is finally here again. Been looking forward to the combined pleasure of watching new Game of Thrones episodes followed by reading your recaps. Thank you for continuing.

    I agree with a lot of the comments that I’m seeing from a variety of sources that this episode seems like a bridge between 5.10 and 6.01, but definitely come down in the camp that is fine with it being that way. The producers of this show have proven much more often than not that they have a reason behind their initially slow development of plot lines.

    My belief that the producers usually have a reason for early season moves is part of the reason why I’m willing to let the Dorne storyline develop before I come down too hard on it. Currently I just think they’re being used as a token “macro”-enemy(as opposed to the “micro” power struggles inside the city itself) for the King’s Landing group to face while the North and East storylines continue to develop towards an eventual meeting of the three(Lannister/Stark/Targ). King’s Landing’s response to the threat of Dorne is likely going to turn out to be more important to the overall story than the actions/motivations of people in Dorne.

    The final scene with the Melisandre was powerful, but could be read in so many different ways. I saw it as more than just a look behind her facade. It looked like she was completely emotionally/spiritually exhausted. She was so sure that she was following the right path and that her visions had basis in future reality. She has been able to justify her previous missteps by believing that her interpretations of her visions have been wrong, not that her visions have been wrong. Stannis was a strong leader who did win important victories in the war…but didn’t turn into the savior that she thought he would. She then seemed to be leaning towards Jon as being important…but now he’s dead, and can’t possibly take part in the visions she’s seen him in. So now it’s not her interpretations of future events that look incorrect, it’s the visions of events in the future themselves that are being proven impossible. I know you understand what it means to suddenly feel like the religion you’ve believed in for so long may not be based in truth.

    (and yes…I’m hoping she takes her crisis of faith, digs deep, and finds a way to raise Jon from the dead so that her visions can still be proven true)

  • house threepwood

    Yey you’re back!

    • I AM! AND SO ARE YOU! The wine is uncorked, help yourself and then come chat! :)

  • moata

    Wheeee! So much great stuff in this episode, though obviously very catch-uppy (but not Bran – what’s up with him north o the wall, eh?). Just one of many questions I have. Excellent recap as always. Hearty chuckles regarding the “stabbing in the back” shot at Theon.

    My fave bits of this episode in no particular order were –
    – Cersei’s very low-key reaction to Myrcella’s death. This is a woman who has previously chewed scenery as a Olympic sport so I was expecting her to have a full on Kylo Ren level tantrum. I love that whenever I expect something from this show it gives me the opposite!
    – The notion that Tyrion might want to eat that woman’s baby. “I love babies… but I couldn’t eat a whole one.”
    – That scene with the Dothraki bros was comedy gold, also it is my patriotic duty as a New Zealander to say KIWI KHAL!
    – The hug between Sansa and Theon/Reek. She believes Arya, Bran, and The Other One (this is how I think of him) are all dead so Theon’s the closest thing she has had as family for a long time, the poor girl. Wait til she finds out Jon’s dead though (if that is indeed a permanent situation…)
    – When Brienne and Pod came riding in to save Sansa. *fist pump*

    Regarding the big reveal on Melisandre at the end, I kind of think maybe that is something she does every night? Sorceress or not, can you imagine sleeping in that necklace thing? Ow.

    I was quite shocked by how she looked but soon realised that’s partly because I almost never see an old, flabby naked body on TV. I’ve been so brainwashed by all the trim hardbodies that have been paraded in front of me for years I forgot that that’s what people look like when they’re old. It’s not actually horrific, it’s just kind of normal. It’s a bit scary how quickly you forget that.

    I can’t believe we’re one full episode in and we still don’t know whether Jon’s dead-dead or only mostly dead and therefore bring backable. Miracle pill that boy, Granny Melisandre, please.

    • moata

      Also, hands up who wants to see Arya go all Rutger Hauer in “Blind Fury” with her staff?

    • Okay, one, HELLO. two, didn’t know he’s a Kiwi, will support!

      Then, I love tha tyou loved the same stuff I loved, too. I want to talk about Melisandre being a typical older woman. I think one of the realest things on TV (even though I’m not a fan of the show) was the flat, old man ass on Sex And The City. Because it’s normal and natural. And as an aging woman, I very much appreciate the normalization of non 20-something bodies on my screen.

      I like that we’re reminded that Melisandre MUST use youth to gain entry into Inner Circles. There’s something important there, if people are willing to pay attention.

      Imma need Jon Snow to be burned or resurrected ASAP, k’thanks.

    • I read that they used a body double for old Melisandre (like with Cersei in the shame walk) and am just so impressed with the older actress they found to do it.

  • Zack

    My favorite recap is back, *happy dance*

    I wasn’t all that wild about the episode. I swear (and I will keep book talk out of it here), Dorne had potential. Killing Doran, ugh. Those ladies are single minded, stabby and boring. I like covert machinations and plotting in the shadows. Doran could have been so amazing. *sad*

    And I’ve never been crazy about Dany’s stuff. It’s always felt like ‘Let’s find an excuse to stall her return’ so. Not my cup of joe. I know it’s necessary and fully expect to be on board with her eventual triumphant return. But all the waiting!

    But, that said, there were high points. You seemed to get excited at the same moments I did, notably Theon/Sansa connecting and Brienne riding in to save them. Yay I love Brienne. And Sansa has steadily grown on me and is now one of my favorite characters. I hope she’s got major power or is at minimum power adjacent by the end :)

    Davos for King of the Seven Kingdoms, too. <3

    I wasn't particularly shocked at the Mel reveal. I kind of figured she was undead or something, but seriously old works just as well. I wondered if maybe that brooch she wore had magical properties on it, judging by how the scene was shot so that after she removed it. next time we see her it's her true form. My instinct was the same as yours too, that removing it is a nightly ritual for her, maybe wearing that disguise all day is painful for her. I felt some pity for her for sure.

    • Man, do I love Brienne!!! I’m a huge fan (duh) of Sansa, so love her earning it from you guys this season already.

      I love that you’re seeing what I’m seeing with FCM/Melisandre. There is a lot of wine consumption at this end, so whew! ;) I just think this is her regular “sigh” nightly moment. We’ll see…

      • Zack

        I’ve always thought Sansa’s actress did a fantastic job, but I’ve realized I was unfairly judging the character for being….shortsighted, unwise…childish. But she -is- or at least was a child. And it’s not like a great many people that young don’t have the same problem. She learned pretty quickly from her mistakes (and many people are stupid their entire adult lives, soooo), and I was slow to credit her. I’m glad I’m finally seeing the good in her that you guys always have.

    • Oooh, I like the possibly having been undead thing! I keep thinking of the Lord of Light resurrection of that one guy back in S2 *my memory is AMAZING, yes I know* and hoping we can get a little something like that. Ooh, I like your Little Mermaid idea of it being physically painful to maintain her glamor!! VERY AWESOME.

      I’m so happy you’re back for another season with me, Zack!

  • Redxabi

    Nice start to S6 but like a junky I need more!

    So the Sandsnakes assassinate their Prince for political reasons and they are seen one way and then the NW assassinate their Lord commander for political reasons and they are seen as…..

    Amazing how GRRM shows that perception clouds how we perceive each act!

    • It’s never enough, right??

      And what an excellent point you’ve made. If I hadn’t been sloshed on wine (hahaha) maybe I would have picked up on that… Fortunately I have brilliant readers!

  • JCDavis

    *puts three fingers up and takes the pledge* I have to redeem myself a bit here Laura. Last year, too much Dornish and bloop out came some rather “stuff that shall not be said” on this site. Please forgive and I promise, no Dornish. Maybe some rum and coke?

    First, I am thrilled to see you back again. More than I can say. And I see we have been diving into some Dark Tower lately? ;) Okay I have to ask..
    Is it bad that I think I look pretty great when I am fully clothed but once the layers are stripped back, I might resemble FCM a bit? I mean my bewbs aren’t THAT far down my front yet…but I do admit that “old lady butt” is starting to happen and of course there is that stomach pooch that just refuses to go away now. The hair IS long and silver. Yeah, it is scary to think that I coulda been her!!

    Loved this first episode. Most anxious for FLC (former lord commander) Jon Snow. Honestly? I think that something that NONE of us suspect is going to happen. What that is? No clue, but I believe that D&D are going to floor us. And Brienne. How much love is there? More on Dorne another time. Just let me again say how thrilled I am that you are back and in fine form. Can we start to party like it’s 1999? *tears*

    • HELLO HELLO, JAYCEE!! So happy to see you back!!

      And you know, I saw this comment on my phone earlier, and I’ve been thinking about what you’ve said about FCM and age and bodies, and I honestly loved it on the show, and I LONG for more REAL AND AGED BODIES in media. It’s normal. THIS IS NORMAL, FOLKS. And honestly, the body double they used (I assume they didn’t actually create a suit? Am I wrong?) looked pretty damn good. No liver spots, warts, etc. (What kind of witch has no warts?!)

      And honey chile, I’ve had three babies and within 5 years. That stomach pooch is always there. It’s an old friend at this point. ;) And most women (and a LOT of men) have one. BODY POSITIVITY, says I.

      I’m SERIOUSLY WORRIED for Jon Snow, because I’ve been operating under the idea that he’s coming back. I BELIEVE. I’m a sucker like that, though. I’m hoping you’re right with the SHOCKER (in hopefully a good way) with regards to Jon.

      AND AUGH, TOO SOON, TOO SOON!! [noise, one indicative of sounds made by weeping doves]

      • JCDavis

        ((hugs)) I know and I agree totally on the portrayal of “real” women. We aren’t all cookie cutter Barbies out here in the real world. Good on GoT’s for having the brass ones for putting it all out there. And yes, it was a body double, but the face and neck is all Clarice.

        I can’t stop listening to the Purple Rain soundtrack. And even though it is almost a week, I am just not over it, I tear up every time. He was just 4 years younger than I am. *shudder to think* What a most remarkable talent we lost and I don’t think he will ever be forgotten and shouldn’t be. *tears* Hold me.

        As to Jon Snow. He is certainly dead..D – E – A – D at this point and FCM isn’t giving me any warm and fuzzies. I have to think that time is critical here. And time is slipping away. So yeah, I am very anxious.That is what makes me think there is some sort of “gotcha” planned. Good or not, something we just didn’t see coming. Scary.

        I have you back on my ‘favorites’ so let’s enjoy (or not) this new season of GoT’s. Being sullied, it feels a bit like being blind. Very exciting.

  • Lyanna Mormont

    Coming in a bit late – computer issues – to join this always awesome discussion.

    Laura. Laura. It’s back. All our characters are back. SANSA. BRIENNE. CERSEI. Definitely the women pulling on my heartstrings in this episode… Well, and Davos, plus Dolorous Edd who stopped being Dolorous for a day to be the last real friend Jon had at the Wall, and mourn, and want revenge even at the cost of his own life. Okay, and maybe Reek turning into Theon to protect Sansa. But mainly the women.

    Sansa finally gets a real protector, looking out for HER rather than themselves! And the memory of her parents that was all over that scene – the sword Brienne offers is made from Ice, Ned’s sword, and Brienne once swore herself to Catelyn in a very similar moment. Chills, I’m telling you. Chills down my spine. And Brienne knows that Arya is alive, or at least was not that long ago! I want this to work out so much!

    Oh, Cersei. Her FACE when she realized Myrcella wasn’t coming back to her alive. Broke my heart. And then the memories of losing her mother – we’ve only had Mama Lannister mentioned before in the contect of Tyrion “killing” her, but this was all about what losing her did to Cersei. And now her daughter, too. Really, Cersei has been surrounded by men all her life, and the only two females she’s been close to, her mother and her daughter, have been taken away from her far too young.

    Dany gets to go back in time to season one, and show that she has learned a thing or two since then. I kinda want to meet the Dosh Khaleen, but any Dothraki who thinks Dany is going to stay where they put her is sorely mistaken.

    Is Arya going to get a training montage, spread out over several episodes? Because no way was that just A Girl being a bully, the things she said were way too pointed. Are you listening, Arya? Are you hearing what goes on around you? If she can learn to use her other senses to tell where her opponent is, she can fight blind.

    Okay, Dorne? Not a favorite plotline of mine. It’s not just because it’s different from the books, it’s that it makes no sense. “We hate Doran for not avenging his family, so we’re going to kill what’s left of our family.” What? And seriously, casting Alexander Siddig for that role then NOT USING HIM is such a waste. I love Indira Varma, but surely there was a way to keep them both, play up the opposing sides more? As it was, Doran barely even got to explain WHY he wasn’t rushing into war with the rest of Westeros. I’m pretty damn sure it wasn’t just because he didn’t feel like it, or because he didn’t love his siblings enough. (Also, that was some fast traveling the two Sand Snakes did, to catch up with Trystane like that. Did they borrow Littlefinger’s jet pack or something?)

    Melisandre. Nice little ruby necklace she’s got there. It made someone her age capable of conceiving a shadow baby. Not bad. I wonder if she takes it off before bed every night, or if it was just a sign that she doesn’t see the point anymore?

    A good kickoff to the season.

    • Lyanna Mormont

      Oh, and Margaery! Still staying strong, but between Septa Unella (of “shame” fame) and the High Sparrow, she looks set to be good-cop-bad-copped into a confession of some sort. How to balance on that thin line between saying enough to satisfy them, and not enough to have serious lasting consequences? If anyone can pull that off, it’s Margaery.

      • JCDavis

        Are you Lyanna Targaryen over on WotW? Probably not, but I like your posts there and here. I think that it is likely that the Sand Snakes headed out shortly after Jaime and Bronn did, so they wouldn’t necessarily be that far behind them. That is a guess, who knows at this point.

        • Lyanna Mormont

          Nope, when I post over there it’s as Lyanna Mormont. Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK!

          (Or Queen in the North. Y’know, if that should be the way the dice fall…)

  • Andy Street

    Holy **** just thought of something!

    We now know that Melisandre, an old woman, has magic that can make her look like a young woman.

    Do you think her magic could make her look like a young man? Specifically, like Kit Harrington?!?

    • ANDY. AAAAAAAAAANDY.

      • Andy Street

        I know, right!

        We know she has always relied on misdirection and trickery in the past. We also know she has seen Jon Snow fighting at Winterfell, and last season she told Stannis that she had seen herself walking the battlements.

        Maybe she’ll decide that if the Lord of Light isn’t going to make these prophecies happen, it’s time to roll her sleeves up and do it all herself…

        • I love this. I love you. I LOVE EVERYTHING.

          …no I am NOT day drinking, HOW DARE YOU, ANDY STREET?!? ;)

  • valerio di michele

    I was waiting for these reviews almost as hard as I was waiting for the show ! ( And maybe without the “almost”)

  • Jieves

    First-time poster, long-time reader (of your GoT reviews). Wanted to get this in right before the next episode …

    I don’t interpret Melisandre’s appearance in her true form as a major decision on her part, but I also don’t think she does it every night. I think she’s just exhausted — mentally and physically. She still has faith, but her plans have all been put back to before square one, she’s had a shock, and she’s in danger. Like a lot of us, when she’s in that state she needs to remove anything that could be draining or cause her to think or otherwise interrupt her rest. She’s stripping herself down to the bare walls and turning off. She knows that she is in no condition to do anything helpful or even make useful decisions at the moment. Maybe in the morning, after a good rest, she might have the strength and concentration to do something constructive.

    I suspect she does go to bed in her true form every week or so anyway, but I also think on any given night she keeps herself in her younger form because she’s living the kind of life where you might have to spring into action at any moment.

    • Oh, I love this and totally agree with you. I think that’s what’s happening, too. I like her stripping down to the basics occasionally as a recharge.

      And HELLO! Don’t be a stranger! We’re all really nice and friendly over here, so chat all you’d like.

  • Lundy Micron

    Okay, I get what ya say about no spoilers, but everything you’ve raved about “Don’t tell me!!!” isn’t in the books, so none of us could spoil you anyway. So so much of this is new to ALL of us. Just sayin’. ;) :p :)

    • Yeah, let’s not act like EVERY CHARACTER in the book has been on screen or EVERY ARC has been on screen either.

      There is a LOT in the books that didn’t make it, so UNLESS IT HAS BEEN ON THE TV SCREEN, it’s a spoiler.

      Just saying ;) :P =| Like, don’t be that person. Come on, man.