Previously: The gang came back from Iceland. Felix showed his butt AND his showering upper body. Cosima set up a secret lab under a comic store. Helena is having twins! MK wore her sheep mask and drove which I doubt is a great thing to do visually but whatever I’m just a stickler for vehicle safety I guess. Sarah was attacked by the EMTs cause they thought she was MK but then they saw she had a maggot bot in her cheek so they just left. Wait…what.
Last week I thought the EMTs spoke German but I read on the intermanet that they were speaking Africaans. The intermanet also tells me that Africaans is ‘a Low Franconian West Germanic language descended from Dutch and spoken mainly in South Africa and Namibia.’ So there you have it. We’ve all learned something today.
And can you believe that the entire show timeline has been 6 months? All this has happened in 6 months! Jesus.
Rachel is bonding with Charlotte, the littlest Leda clone. She’s also getting her daily (weekly?) robot eye exam and it’s being conducted by a Castor clone. His name is Ira, he’s never met the others, and he was raised by Rachel’s mother. You know, the mother that faked her own death and left Rachel to be raised by Dr. Leekie and the Neolutionists. So that doesn’t sting Rachel in the least. Nope, not at all.
I thought that the Castor clones were sick…and that is why Paul was trying to help them…cause they were dying…or would eventually die…Sometimes this show is so hard to keep track of. Prissy Ira seems just fine. He gives Rachel a pigment injection into her robo-eye as these treatments will eventually make her eye look normal. As the fluid goes in, it blooms into the similar patterns of the opening credit animations. Clever little writers.
Rachel is working hard in rehab. Her stutter is less as she struggles to say the correct word, and she’s slowly walking. One side of her body is still quite paralyzed. Not her mind though, it’s still sharp. Almost as sharp as her tongue. When she falls, her mother comes in to help her up. Rachel refuses her help and tells her to go to hell. Mom doesn’t like that.
Kira is sitting upstairs in the comic shop, playing Descent with the guy who runs the place and I’m once again too lazy to look up his name. Kira is never in school or doing anything normal or fun and I feel for the kid. Descent is supposed to be extremely complicated and it looks like Kira is having the time of her life!
People online seem to dislike Kira but not me. I love that kid. I feel for her. She’s smart and not whiney. She never gets to hang with, say, kids, or play, or even watch a friggin cartoon or have any fun at all. Why can’t she go meet her cousins and play with them at Alison’s? Helena would love that, plus there’s the added bonus of Helena protecting her. I also am impatient to see what is inside Kira’s stomach. Don’t think I forgot about that, writers! I didn’t forget!!!
“They never tell me when things are bad…but I always know.” Kira rolls the dice. Oh people, when will you start noticing Kira? And why haven’t you looked into if there’s something in HER?
In the basement, Cosima and Scott are ultrasounding Sarah’s cheek. The maggot bot is attached to her cheek and produces an anesthetic so she can’t feel it. They don’t know what it does. Hey, let’s get Kira down here and look in her too, yes? No? Really? You’re not going to do that? Ok then.
Sarah is exhausted. She can’t sleep, thinking about the maggot bot in her mouth. S has put the word out to her people so I’m sure help is on the way. (sarcasm) At first I think Sarah says, “I need Delphine” which is the smartest thing she’s said so far, but no. She actually said, “I need to tell Fee”. S says they need to support Felix and his need to find his blood family but Sarah, as always, has no time for Felix’s feelings. Sure, go to Felix and ignore his personal angst. On one hand I understand cause, maggot bot, but on the other hand, come on Sarah.
Kira is doing that inner eye meditating out of it look that none of the so-called genius adults around her notice. I know who would notice * coughcoughHelena* She slides the board and all the pieces to the floor, announcing that the game is stupid. Can’t say I blame her. Sarah tells her to behave as she walks by on one of her important missions and says sorry to the comic store guy still don’t recall his name. Update: I looked him up and he’s the guy that was the guard helping Scott break Rachel out of Topside. Ohhhh. And his name is…Hell Wizard. ?
Cosima Skypes with Donnie and Alison as Donnie checks inside Alison’s cheek for maggot-y things. Alison gags and gags. Sidestory: years ago I was very sick with strep throat and went to the walk-in clinic. The young doctor had to do a deep swab of my throat with a giant Q-Tip swab thing. I sat there and didn’t flinch or gag as he did it and when he finished he said, impressed, “Wow. You’re good at that.” Then he realized how it sounded and we stared at each other in an uncomfortable silence for many seconds.
Alison doesn’t have anything in her but when Cosima tells them that Neolutionists actually have these things implanted voluntarily for study, she gets an idea. A very clever idea indeed. I mean, heck, they have a dead Neolutionist in their garage and having a maggot bot to study would be invaluable, right? She stares at Donnie and he stares back at her, wondering why she’s looking at him until finally a lightbulb goes off and he gets what she’s thinking.
The two go and stare at the cement. Alison will do anything she can to help her sisters. Awwww, that’s sweet. She tells Donnie to go rent a jackhammer and he sulks a little. “Why don’t we just buy one?” he asks, sarcastically. I love you, Donnie.
Fun fact: there’s some fresh cement in there which is actually where the dead Castor Rudy is buried from season 3. Hahahaha they really should just buy a jackhammer.
Sarah goes to Felix’s and his half sister is there and I am so not into another new character so until something interesting happens with that I’m not even. However, I will say that Felix’s eye makeup is fantastic. Sarah is her usual selfish self, the sister is annoying, Felix is super high and he still never locks his door. I’m going to start a Go Fund Me campaign to raise money to install a lock on that door. Since Fee won’t drop everything and leave with her she tells him to piss off. He shrugs and goes inside. She still hasn’t actually told him what’s going on.
Sarah is roaming the seedy back streets of Toronto. Her phone rings: it’s S so Sarah ignores it. Wait, what? Maybe you should answer that. Maybe Kira is hurt. Maybe they found something to help you with your maggot friend. Maybe don’t be a dick. 8 missed calls from S can’t be important I guess.
Sarah tracks down Dizzy, the guy from the club that thought she was MK. No idea how she did that? Dizzy wants no part of anything but she puts his hand to her cheek to feel Mr. Maggot Friend and he lets her in. They share some weed and he tells her he thinks the maggot is put in the cheek close to the brain for a reason, and also he doesn’t know how to contact MK. MK contacts you. However, Dizzy does know the name of the guy from the video. More clues for Sarah, the person who is not an actual detective but detectives more than our real detective, Art. More on that later.
Rachel, wearing all white including her eyepatch, is eating dinner with her Ira and Susan, also dressed all in white creepy wtf. Rachel’s snippy and Ira thinks it’s because her treatments are making her grow facial hair. Hahahaha, brother and sister clone dinner table squabbles are the best. Rachel, still smart as a whip, figures out that child abandoning Professor Mother Susan Duncan was gone for two months, looking for Sarah and the original clone. She also figures out that Susan failed and is quite smug over it. Rachel hates being left alone for so long and being locked up yet again.
Ira says that Rachel has been kind to Charlotte and it is revealed that Charlotte, along with having a ‘series of unfortunate guardians’, is a direct clone of Rachel. It only took 400 attempts, NBD. Rachel tells her mother to GTFO. Literally. Get out cause Rachel is pissed.
Alison and Donnie dig up Leekie and it’s as disgusting as you can imagine. As soon as they break the seal of the plastic, a rush of rotting gas smell rushes out and they gag and gag. Hahahahah gross.
Sure enough, the squishy, decomposed head of Leekie has a strange polyp on his cheek that encases the maggot bot. Time to call Cosima!
Sarah goes to Art’s. Art has definitely been working out. Do you even lift, bro? He rushes off to investigate Alonzo Martinez, the guy from the maggot removal gone wrong video. He also saw the union rep from the precinct visit Beth as he watched more Beth videos, so he knows that guy is bad. He tells Sarah to get some rest cause she looks terrible, just like he told Beth back in the day. Art is a sucker for exhausted, traumatized friends and will probably fall in love with Sarah too.
Sarah is watching more secret Beth surveillance. It’s Paul, so hot, in a white t-shirt and sweats, sitting on the couch with his laptop, drinking a beer. She looks sad and intense.
Helena calls Sarah, who to her credit, actually answers that call. She’s happy to tell her she’s expecting twins. Sarah takes a moment out of her inner sadness and panic to be slightly happy for her. Ding-dong! Helena has to go, the police are at the door and need to question ‘Alison’ about the murders of three people at a local garage. Ruh-row!
Donnie comes in for a drink, sees the detectives, updates Alison, and joins Helena. Hilarity ensues! Donnie and Helena left some campaign materials behind in the garage, which is what led the detectives to question them and how they knew the victims. They play dumb and omg these two characters together are comedy gold.
Donnie: Oh gosh, they were supporters. That makes this tragedy even worse.
Helena: Yes. This doubles it. Can I offer you some breads?
The detectives ask ‘Alison’ who had access to her campaign materials, starting with her campaign manager. Donnie jumps in and answers for her which makes the detective angry. They tell him to let her answer when they ask her. For a moment it looks like the gig is up but Helena is able to recite the other three names and their rolls because Helena is AWESOME and knows everything.
Kira wake-dreams until Cosima comes to talk to her and startles her out of it. Kira saw all the clones together, and tells Cosima that she saw her set her mom on fire. Cosima is disturbed by this and reassures Kira she’d never do such a thing. Kira shakes her head. Cosima had to; Sarah was changing. YIKES. Not good. Always listen to Kira you guys.
Rachel and Charlotte paint together. Rachel knows they are being watched through the security camera in the ceiling so she has come up with a plan. She seats them facing the camera and they chat about Charlotte’s online courses, but under their painting is a message for Charlotte: Did you get my message out? Charlotte paints, ‘yes’, and they both paint over the words. Rachel clearly cares for Charlotte and is terrified when she sees her cough and spray specks of blood over the paper. “It happens when I cough sometimes.” Oh, this is what will make Rachel join forces with Sarah! Yay!
Sarah is still watching Beth tapes, this time the scene where Beth points the gun at the back of Hot Paul’s head. She has tears in her eyes as she watches. Me too Sarah, me too. Art calls with info on the last place Alonzo visited before he died: a dentist office. After he hangs up with Sarah he sees Marty, the crooked Neolutionist union rep that threatened Beth. Art asks him about his unusual house call to Beth and Marty plays it cool. They are so onto each other.
Alison and Donnie video call Cosima to tell her about the dead Leekie and the maggot bot. Donnie pauses the call before they spill the beans, saying that maybe they should just say that got the maggot, but not say how, and maybe Cosima will let it slide. Alison gives us a fantastic Alison quote: “She’s a scientist and a lesbian. She’s not going to let it slide.”
They continue the call and Donnie rambles on and on until he finally blurts out that he shot Dr. Leekie and they buried him in the garage. Cosima is all, “WHAT?” Her expression is priceless. They need Cosima to get Leekie’s head cause it’s in that pesky polyp. Donnie barfs.
Sarah, all reason and smart thinking gone from exhaustion, goes to the dentist office that Alonzo went to. S, who has news that they found a doctor to help, calls but Sarah once again Sarah doesn’t answer. Goddamn it Sarah. As she sneaks past the reception a hygienist recognizes her as Beth and freaks out that she came back.
S meets up with her doctor source in a park and that source turns out to be Ferdinand. YES I LOVE HIM. He’s heard about the need for the Neolutionist doctor. He knows about bots and figures that one of the group has one. He rattles off some names: Kira? Sarah? Well no one is checking Kira, are they. Sigh.
Art calls S in a panic, saying that Sarah isn’t answering her phone hahahahahahah yeah of course she isn’t. He tells S that Sarah went to the dentist to investigate the maggot bot and he is worried she’s in trouble but he doesn’t go to the clinic himself as an actual detective cause….?
Back at the clinic, the hygienist says she can try to take out the bot so Sarah lets the hygienist attempt to take out the bot. She’s obviously desperate and not thinking straight. The hygienist gives her a shot to numb her mouth I guess, and then fits in a horrible looking contraption to keep her mouth open. She then pokes the maggot and holds the instrument on it, telling ‘Beth’ that if she moves at all the maggot will release the death tentacles. Surprise, the hygienist is a Neolutionist! She says Beth is so lucky to be a test subject and she’s called for backup. She’s holding her hostage until they get here. Stupid Sarah.
The backup arrives and it’s Ferdinand who promptly slashes the hygienist’s throat. Bye! Sarah is freaking, holding the dental instrument herself against the bot, thinking that if she moves she dies. She tries to tell him that she can’t move but Ferdinand takes it away and she’s fine. The hygienist was bluffing! Stupid Sarah.
Ferdinand tells Sarah that he received some great news: Dr. Susan Duncan is alive!
Susan comes to talk to Rachel. They bring up Helsinki and I hope they tell us more on what happened because Rachel is very upset about it. Helsinki is code for kill the clone and we’ve seen the order given but not carried out in the past. In actual Helsinki 6 clones and 32 others were killed. We don’t know why but it’ll be a great story I’m sure. I could read the Orphan Black comics I guess, which has this storyline in them, but I’m very lazy.
Anyways, the whole point of the cloning is for the greater good: create the perfect human and control human evolution. Am I the only one underwhelmed by that revelation?
Hey, remember Shay?