Game of Thrones 7.2 – Stormborn

Previously! But let’s talk about this episode…

I’M SORRY WAS THAT AN HOUR? That wasn’t fourteen hours?!? How am I supposed to condense FORTY-SEVEN HOURS OF ACTION (#feltlike) INTO A POST? GIVE ME A SECOND.

Judge Smalls Waiting Caddyshack

I said: GIVE ME A SECOND I AM VERKLEMPT

We open in Dragonstone and Dany’s Small Council meeting. We’re reminded that EV-RY-BO-DY HAAAAAATES SIS. Cercei, that is. Her army is dwindling. Dany, however, is trying to take a more measured approach (for the first time, hey-hey! She’s… been rash in the past).

Side note: WHO IS CARVING THE GAME PIECES? She has some kewl dragon pieces for her team. I assume there’s some dude in Oldtown jacking up his prices after every battle. #SmallBusinessGoals

There’s an amazing bit of Stare Down with Dany and Uncle Fester (Varys).

Dany: You’re a bit easy for a new leader, aren’t you?
Varys: Easy? I’ve gone on record as a-sexual, my queen.
Dany: I mean you’ll flip for whomever. In fact, your sexuality is The Realm, is it not?
Varys: [shudders and stifles a moan]
Dany: Hmm. That’s a bit too vague for me. I demand worship.
Jorah: [having a long conversation with the cracks and valleys in his arm about the perfection of his Khaleesi] …did someone say Mother of Dragons?
Dany: Spider, you’re a bit too slippery for me.
Varys: I’m literally known as the Master of Whispers. Of course I’m slippery.
Tyrion: …please don’t take away my best friend. He’s the only one who gets my literary references.
Dany: I still haven’t forgiven him for the whole selling me as a child bride thing.
Me: [clinks wine glass with her]
Varys: I literally just want people to have peace. If you can’t get behind that… Fair enough.
Tyrion: [sings softly to himself] You guys are my best friends… through thick and thin!
Dany: Swear you’ll freaking tell me if I have spinach in my teeth. Or, you know, I’m about to go Postal with some wildfire or whatever.
Varys: Done.

And HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE. Fire Crotch Mage (Melisandre) arrives and her words are so cool and sweet, butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. Varys is quick to point out her former protege BURNED HIS PRECIOUS DAMN BABY NEWT IN A PYRE TO BE KING and nope, still not going to forgive Stannis for that one.

Missandei has some knowledge for everyone, being the most literate and educated person in Essos and Westeros: The common phrase Fire Crotch Mage keeps talking about, “a prince will bring” yadda yadda, is actually a genderless term. It can mean prince… or princess. Oh ho ho!

FCM covers her tracks by saying instead of “or” we make it “and”? She also catches Tyrion and Dany up on everything that’s happened since “Hardhome” and lays the ground work for “Fire & Ice: Long Winter Boogaloo.” (I’m working on the title. Needs to be something snappy…)

It helps that Tyrion knows and likes Jon Snow, and that he would be a great ally against the Lannisters. Dany does expect a visit from Jon Snow, on that would include him bending the knee, and this is where I foresee issues.

In fact, up at Winterfell, Sansa, Jon and Ser Davos pore over the raven’s message Tyrion sends. It’s good that Sansa likes and trusts Tyrion. Davos also notes all the backdoor bragging about how many armies Dany has at her command and FINALLY PUTS TWO AND TWO TOGETHER:

3 Dragons + 1 Hoard of Undead = FOREVER SAFE.

Down in King’s Landing, Cersei tries to sway the remaining noblemen, including Samwell Gamgee Red Leader Porkins Tarly’s PoS daddy, Randyll.

Cersei: So none of y’all picked up on how great I am at PR, as evidenced by my Punch-and-Judy theater productions painting me in the best of light. So let me explain you a thing: Dany is going to take your precious daughters, crucify them, then take your wives and feed them to her dragons, then take your first born sons and make them Unsullied.
R Tarly: Not my first born! He’s the only child I care about! But dragons, hmm…
Maester Frankenstein: (It’s Frahn-kun-SHTEEN) I’m… working on an experiment.

In the distance, a gong clangs and a horse screams.

Jaime tries to gain Randyll Tarly on his team, but, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, Tarly makes some good points. His name still has honor. When he signs onto something, people take notice. (He’s the EF Hutton of Westeros . Yes, I’m that old. Here, a slightly more recent reference for you.) He swore an oath to Lady Olenna Tyrell and he’s not sure he wants to just abandon that. Ouch, Jaime, although may I say, Jaime is looking mighty fine in his Lannister armor. God, that is gorgeous costuming.

OH HEY, LET’S VISIT THE SCENE THAT BREAKS MY HEART. Jorah “My passionate love for my Khaleesi drips from every rumbling vowel uttered from my blessed vocal cords” Mormont, is being examined by Maester Slughorn and Sam. Apparently greyscale can be controlled by cutting off the infected part?? It’s your LEFT arm, Jorah! You’re a righty!

Jorah Mormont Greyscale Oldtown

My One True Love. I’ll fight you for him. Reminder: I WORK OUT.

His chest is covered now. He has years to live, maybe 10? 20? But he only has six months or less before his mind goes. Yowza. Sam wonders if there’s maybe some alternative therapy that could help, seeing as Precious Newt/Shireen survived the greyscale-

SHE DID NOT SURVIVE HER PARENTS RELIGION, AHEM.

…sorry. Shireen made it, so maybe?

Archmaester Party-Pooper: No. He’s going to die.
Sam: …have we looked at taking away gluten?
APP: Do you even know what gluten is?
Sam: …a germ?
APP: Get out of my sight.
Sam: [to Jorah] He’s a fusspot, but he doesn’t—
APP: No. You, Jorah, can stay one night. Then you have to leave and live on Stone Island.
Me: DID YOU SAY MY HOUSE BECAUSE I VOLUNTEER. I SUPPORT THIS FULLY.
Sam: I just really think we need to look at diet and exercise and salves and…
Jorah: [with throaty passion] It’s fine.
Me: HOW DOES HE MAKE EVERYTHING SOUND SO SEXY? [claws at my face]

Back at the Red Keep, Maester Frankunshteen takes Cersei below ground to see the dragon skull collection, and man, it’s super cool. Balerion the Dread (that is a kick-ass name for a dragon. I mean, I would name mine “Steve” so I could call him my Noble Steve when I rode him because I’m always looking for a pun) is huge. It’s what Aegon rode across the Sea to make the Seven Kingdoms.

It seems the sick Maester Frankunshteen is working on some anti-dragon spray to control any incoming infestation. He knows Drogon was stabbed by spears, so, building on that… he now has a dragon harpoon.

Dude.

Dude. First off, Lannisters and cross-bows usually end in unnecessary deaths. Cersei’s excitement as she works the lever is too reminiscent of King Weaselteat (Joffrey) for me to think this will go well. (Okay, calling it. Drogon is going to die.  I am not okay with that. THEY ARE ENDANGERED SPECIES, YOU GUYS.)

Back at Dragonstone, and damn, shit is heating up fast, Ellaria Sand, Yara and Lady Martell (yay!!) are there in a small council meeting, hoping to encourage war immediately. Ellaria doesn’t give two shits who dies. It’s war. People die. (OH. PEOPLE LIKE OBERYN?? You don’t care when it’s a faceless no one, you just care when it’s your own. Mm, mm, mm. This is what Tyrion keeps telling people.)

Also, Ellaria is a loose damn cannon. She’s going to be trouble, but we knew that.

Ellaria Sand Daenerys Targaryen

I’m mad the show made me despise Ellaria Sand.

Tyrion proves his worth by laying out the battle plan: They won’t prove Cersei’s supporters right by having Outsiders invade King’s Landing. No, Dornish and Tyrell armies will take it. The Foreigners (Unsullied, Second Sons) will sneak attack Casterly Rock. And they’ll win. Everyone’s all, “OH SHIT, YES. Yes. This is impressive.” They’re all in. And they’re all smiles. It’s a good plan! Of course, I’m thinking this sounds way too easy.

Lady Tyrell does, too, and has some parting advice: “I’ve outlived all ‘smart men’ in my council. They’re sheep. However, you’re a dragon. BE a dragon.”

LORD A’MIGHTY, OLENNA TYRELL IS A FORCE OF NATURE, AND I LOVE HER.

Other things I love: Grey Worm’s fumbling wooing of Missandei and the way he tries to tell her he loves her, and oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH. They are my ultimate ship, you guys. THEY ARE MY SQUID ARMADA. Pretend that makes sense. I’m just full of feelings.

Grey Worm: Always I was the bravest. I had no fear. Until I met you. Now I fear.
Missandei: [longingly bites her lip in a becoming manner]
Me: NOW KISS OH MY GOD
Grey Worm: DOES
Me: LET ME DIE HERE
Missandei: [unrobes]
Me: …maybe don’t let me die until they finish
Grey Worm: Maybe don’t take off the pants
Missandei: I ACCEPT YOUR BODY, MY DARLING.
Me: WHAT IS AIR I CANNOT BREATHE EVERYTHING IS MAGNIFICENT

Missandei Grey Worm sex

there is too much beauty and romance here for me to stand it.

This is important, you guys. One, it’s not about your dick, dudes. It really isn’t. Two, it’s about love and care and acceptance. Three, penetrative sex is just ONE kind of sex. There are couples ALL OVER THIS GLOBE who never/rarely have penetrative sex, no REALLY. #Lesbians God bless you, show. I thank you.

Back in Oldtown, Samwell uses his time with the Archmaester to try and work on a cure for Jorah, and I would like to beg that Sam is given all the time there is to work on this Most Important project.

MEANWHILE, Jorah spends his time writing love letters to Dany, and I am in agony. AGONY. Sam is all, “You’re not dying today, Ser Jorah” and I am about to fly out of my mortal flesh. SAVE THIS NICE GUY, SAM. Sam has potions and herbs and shit, and he is going to make it so my darling LIVES.

Samwell Tarley Oldtown Archamaester

I love him. Best little book nerd intern EVER

This season has so many amazing comedic moments with Sam, and I’m here for it. They’re subtle and hilarious. Also, he has the best heart of anyone. OF ANYONE. But he’s also like, “I’m going to cut you open and put some gluten in there, and let’s see what happens!”

Jorah: [muffled scream]

Sam’s method is literally to cut off the char and slap some herbs on the meat. I bet it smells like the best, most succulent long pig ever… That was pretty brutal, holy lord.

Also, a tip of my hat to the editors for all the cuts from gross things to food. That’s two episodes this season.

Arya meets up with Hot Pie, has a bit of his brown bread and a smile over meeting an actual friend. She learns that one, the Boltons are dead and two, Jon is at home in Winterfell. I MEAN. I MEAN!!!!! She hops on her horse (I’ve decided it’s named Paloma) and rides for Winterfell, and guys?

Take a knee. (This is me talking to me.) THE STARKS ARE ABOUT TO BE REUNITED. KEEP IT TOGETHER.

[hyperventilates]

Jon gets Sam’s raven about dragonglass, who immediately tells all the lords and ladies, and also mentions Tyrion Lannister’s raven. I like this communication. This is how you do transparent governance. Sansa, however, speaks for the other people who remember. “The North remembers.” It’s like their tagline and everything. She believes it’s a trap, but Jon doesn’t.

However, none of the gathered lords and ladies trust the Targaryens and Lannisters. And they all remember that Robb left, and that’s when shit hit the fan. They don’t want him to go. Why… doesn’t he send a delegation? Sansa also says this. Jon believes it has to be a King to talk to Dany, and he’s leaving the North to Sansa.

OH. MY. GOD. “The North is yours.” Okay, this I can rally behind. Also, could these two maybe freaking discuss plans BEFORE they bring them to the people? I just feel like that would head off a lot of problems at the pass. (Including people online who just exist to bash Sansa, and I SEE YOU. I SEE YOUR BIAS, buttheads.)

Sansa Stark Winterfell Queen

EVERY SINGLE COMPLAINT people make about her can be applied to every damn man on this show. STOP BEING MISOGYNISTS. #TeamTeenGirls

I like to think Jon knew that this course of action would rally the troops behind Sansa, and legitimize her claim? I don’t know. Tell me your thoughts in the comments.

Afterwards, Baelish finds Jon down in the crypts and tries to talk about Cat and Ned, and I’m shouting: KEEP THOSE NAMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, YOU SON OF A BITCH. Jon wants him gone. Me, too. Fucking Baelish is trash. Baelish talks up Sansa and his love that is like his former love for Catelyn Stark, and Jon grabs him around the throat and I’m screaming, “DO IT.”

If you didn’t shout and demand Jon end that lying sack of greyscale’s life, I’m breaking up with you. I want my records back.

Jon simply threatens Baelish, however. Bah. It’s not good enough. I don’t care about the “troops” Baelish brought, they weren’t his to begin with. They were Sansa’s. Harumph. He and Davos leave with a “You got this?” handwave to Sansa, and I think she does, you guys. She knows Baelish’s intentions and she’s a changed person. #TeamSansa

Oh, can I sidestep for a moment about a weird theory I have about Baelish? So I have this working idea he can’t father a child. (He works with whores. He test drives them. I feel like he’d know if his bait and tackle are fully operational.) He knew what Ramsay would do to Sansa, and that it could get her pregnant. (I don’t know that she is. I’m operating off instinct.) He wants to marry Sansa and claim her child as his and certify his position in the North.

I HATE THIS, TOO. But this is what I’m thinking.

Anyhoo…

Arya camps on the side of the road, and we see Paloma getting antsy. It’s also getting colder. Uh oh. Paloma is spooked, and a wolf approaches. Several, in fact. And then. AND. THEN. OH MY LORD, NYMERIA. I am in tears!! Arya drops Needle, re-introduces herself to Nymeria, and my heart is breaking. Nymeria walks away with her pack, because Arya is #ForeverAlone (cries). At least your endangered puppy is alive?? Arya isn’t the girl Nymeria knew, so I assume that’s why she doesn’t go with her? Thoughts? Or was it more “The old pacts between our houses will be honored!” moment with wolves and a Stark offspring?

Also talk to me about: “That’s not you.” I need to be held.

Arya Stark Nymeria Winterfell

Look at my precious murder baby!!

On the Squid Ships 1.0, Ellaria and Yara get cozy while Theon gets pissy about not having a dick, because he didn’t learn from Grey Worm. (He’s still recovering, I get it.) Ellaria is ready to get sibling-sexual, but Theon isn’t interested. And then neither is Yara because scarcely have her knickers grown damp when they’re suddenly under attack, ruh roh…

It’s Squid Ships 2.0! Black Sails, Westerosi style! PIRATE BATTLE AT NIGHT!

SIDE NOTE. Euron looks like that Townie you give a handie to behind his mom’s bait shop so your friends can get free beer without being carded. Just me?

Euron, it must be said, has some kick-ass way of boarding that involves a trebuchet-sort of drop method, and he’s instantly on board Yara’s ship, ready to kick ass and take names. It’s family against family, and the Sand Snakes are charged with keeping Ellaria whole. Theon holds his fucking own, as does Yara, but man, they are out-numbered and under fire—ironic for the folks actually sailing under the Dragon Queen’s banner. Yara witnesses some bad ass pirating, but it doesn’t deter her. Euron isn’t slowed down, either, unfortunately.

The Sand Snakes brought whips to a sword-and-fire fight and are easily overpowered. Man, they were just a waste this whole series. [trombone noise] Ellaria is captured, most of her daughters are killed, and Yara literally leaps down onto Euron to battle in her Final Boss fight. He’s got a two-handed war ax (Dwarvish, +20 DMR) where she has a sword (Light Armor, Expert level), but it quickly turns to melee and Yara, who worked on leveling up her Speech and One-Handed Battle, is finally caught.

Theon stops when he sees her in their uncle’s clutches, a blade at her throat, and he’s unsure how to proceed. It’s pretty grim. I’m yelling at my screen. Just let the Lesbians/BiSexuals Live, for crying out loud… Euron has the upper hand, and Theon is still suffering from massive PTSD. He jumps overboard.

He jumps. Overboard. Well, fuck. Yara? You filled out some leather pants like a fucking boss. #StopKillingTheLesbians But man, I fucking get it. He is broken in so many ways. And Yara finally got it, too, if the tear down her angry face says anything.

Theon floats unseen in the water, the Sand Snakes are dead and hanging overhead, the Squid Ships 1.0 float on fire, destroyed. Jesus. I did NOT see any of this coming.

(Did anyone catch Gendry in his rowboat?)

First, Grey Worm and Missandei. Guys, I’m still not over it. He thinks she’s rejecting him and no, she just needed to disrobe! It’s so tender and dear and sweet and GOOD in a world filled with death and awfulness. Then: Jorah! Everything about him. Sam with the comedic moments and the solving of problems, and Yara being a badass pirate and Theon’s recurrence of PTSD and…

This season is filling my soul, it is telling the damn story, and I am here for it.

SOUND OFF, FRIENDS!

…but again, I’m UNSULLIED. Don’t be an asshole like the dick bag (a bag made of dicks and filled with dicks) last week who tried to make us/me in particular feel like a fool for not allowing book talk here. You literally have the whole internet to talk about the books. You just don’t have this site. And you won’t. I will delete you. Be cool, talk about the show only, or go to other sites that welcome book discussion–in depth book discussion is spoiler territory. If you can’t comprehend how, this is not the site for you. (I recommend my friends at WatchersontheWall.com where they have a robust comment section for book discussion!)

NO. FUCKING. BOOK TALK. Don’t be that guy. It’s not a good look. A good look? Awesome people wanting to talk about the epic shit we just watched!!

How was this one hour?!

(And if you’d like to follow me on Twitter, please do!)

Click here for the next episode: The Queen’s Justice!

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  • Original-S

    Laura? Laura. Listen girl, I need to start charging you rent because it turns out that you now live inside my head (at least during GoT episodes). Every time I watch this show now, I first have MY reaction to things, and then immediately think about how YOU are going to react to it. I actually uttered “Holy crap! Laura!” several times during this episode. I think I enjoy this show all the more knowing that I can discuss it with a fellow fan like you afterwards! But as I was saying, headspace rent. It can be paid in continued reviews of this show, because HOT DAMN, THIS SHOW!

    Ok, now that we have that out of the way…Grey Worm and Missa. Whoa my god! Feels. All the feels. Tender and sweet and also super. Smoking. Hot. AND tasteful. I wasn’t sure if they were going to try and show Grey Worm’s disfigurement but I am glad they didn’t. I actually rewatched that scene after the episode ended because I needed something on a happy note.

    The last scenes were not happy notes. They filled me with rage. I threw a pillow at the TV when I saw how the Sandsnakes bodies hung from the ships. A whole fleet burned and a gaggle of kick ass ladies, famed for the skill and fighting prowess, handily defeated. Ugh. Such a waste is right. I thought there was going to be more rape when the soldier broke into Ellaria’s quarters but the scene cut away. There may still have been rape (I hope not) but at the very, very, VERY least, it wasn’t shown this time if there was. Ugh. I can’t be too mad at Theon as the boy has been through it and is not stable but man…the look in Yara’s eyes. The scene may have frustrated me but the actors were all on point.

    This episode was certainly a roller coaster and I cannot wait until next week. King In The North meets Mother of Dragons. Ooooooooo. I hope it is chock full of smoldering looks.

    • AHAHA!! Oh my gosh, it is AMAZING that y’all think of me (and how freaked I’m going to be) as you watch. FIST BUMP.

      I love that they didn’t show Grey Worm’s whole body because it reinforces what Missandei has been saying all along: it’s a thing that was done to him, it’s not HIM. Very respectful and tender and I looooooved it. Oh my gosh, they’re both so innocent and in love and [heart eyes].

      I didn’t even GO to there being rape, which is a first on GoT for me?? I assumed bound and gagged and dropped at Cersei’s feet for a bit of heavy torture, the one-sided trading of bon mots, and then some despining, courtesy of Franken-Mountain.

      Yara’s angry tears that she hadn’t managed to pirate the PTSD out of her brother was a sight to behold–that was some fine acting. And wholly frustrating, but that is the very ESSENCE of good TV.

  • Andy Street

    Well..

    That escalated fast.

    A lot of that final battle seemed like a course correction to address some of the perceived missteps the show has made over the last couple of seasons. Thin caricature Sand Snakes with gimmicky action figure weapons that appear to have invaded the show from some kind of fun but schlocky Xena knock-off? We have noted your feedback and will be removing the two of them that have literally no connection to the wider plot. (The surviving one – don’t ask me for the name – at least had her bit of a thing with Bronn going on).

    Euron may look like the guy who runs the ferris wheel at your local non-OHSA compliant funfair, but not since Stannis Baratheon on the walls at the end of S2 have we had someone give such an efficient demonstration of someone who can also walk the walk. The Greyjoys have always come across as a bit ridiculous, with ambitions that far exceed their grasp – but Euron in battle is the terrifying Viking reaver that the others have all really just aspired to. Poor Theon – he was doing so well but as soon as his support network is kicked away from him, he folds like a house of cards.

    It’s a real reversal for Team Dany – she’s already on the back foot, having lost her fleet and presumably the Dornish forces. I expect this defeat to be enough to push Randyll Tarly into the Lannister camp as they were clearly setting up.

    It actually makes you think – most of the seven kingdoms at this point are either leaderless or very close by this point. The Baratheons are extinct, the Martells and Tullys still clinging on in captivity, the Tyrells reduced to a single old woman, the Arryns to a sickly pre-teen whose days are surely numbered. Even the Lannisters are reduced to a single breeding pair. This is how a medieval feudal kingdom collapses into anarchy.

    The Starks are actually doing comparatively well by this point. I’m not worried about Sansa – I think she will appreciate Jon’s trust in naming her regent. Baelish might have one more trick up his sleeve, but his days are numbered.

    I like what they are doing with Arya this season. It’s really about who she is. Maisie played the scene as being completely indifferent to Hot Pie until he mentioned Jon Snow. And then the scene with Nymeria showing that she can never really go back to who she was. Of course, knowing this show, she will give up on her quest for revenge only for the Faceless Men to catch up with her and murder her for abusing their powers (oh God, that’s exactly what’s going to happen).

    Don’t even have time to talk about all the other stuff like Doctor Tarly MD or what’s going on with Grey Worm and Missendei or what Tyrion’s up to with Casterley rock.

    No idea how all this is going to play out or who will end up on top at this point. Bronn? He seems like the kind of guy who always comes out alright. Actually I can see him retiring to the pleasure palace of Dorne as a Kept Man of the last surviving Martell once all the currenr unpleasantness has blown over…

    • “Poor Theon – he was doing so well but as soon as his support network is kicked away from him, he folds like a house of cards.” That’s it precisely. It’s totally in character, even if it’s COMPLETELY FRUSTRATING for us, the viewer.

      Oh, Jorah’s one shirt… If I’d had time after the episode, I would have written a sonnet to his shirt. Maybe I’ll work on that this week. Hahaha.

      I think you’re (unfortunately) spot on with the Faceless Men and our Murder Teen… D:

  • moata

    This was not a comfortable episode to watch. Between Jorah’s pus-filled epidermis and extreme agony (GAH) and Theon’s “do I have to watch my sister get with all the hot women?” frustration and my Greyworm and Missandei anxiety (there was just so much hanging on that scene and I worry), well, I had ants in pants the whole time. Just as well I always watch with a big old glass of wine.

    You are so right that Jon and Sansa need to stop discussing shit in front of all the assembled nobles of the north. I know this is a dangerous show on which to yell “get a room” to a brother and sister but you have the whole of Winterfell, guys.

    As for Baelish *spits*, he had to have been baiting Jon in that scene. He’s far too smooth a bastard to have blundered into that, though what he’s up to I couldn’t tell you. Unless he just wants to have a “your brother’s power has gone to his head – did I mention he tried to strangle me last week?” card up his sleeve, which isn’t beyond the realms of possibility.

    The scene between Arya and Nymeria was just so bittersweet and I feel like this is what any Stark family reunion will basically boil down to. Arya is changed. I think that’s what “that’s not you” means. That’s not the same Nymeria. She’s a different direwolf from the one Arya knew. She saw that and accepted it, maybe about herself too. In which case, I wonder if she will continue on to Winterfell after all.

    Am super psyched for next week’s episode when the Targaryens meet!

    • Jorah freaking Mormont enduring that “surgery” was dreadful. DREADFUL. And of course Sam giving him a frustrated, “Be quiet!” look is just… Ahahaha. SAM!! THIS SHIT HURTS.

      You know, after selling Sansa to the Boltons, I stopped trying to think like Baelish. I can honestly say I have NO clue where the show is taking him (or is it him taking the show?). None.

      You’re too right about Arya not being able to go home again, metaphorically speaking. Literally? Hmm, I think she will because I think we NEED Sansa and Arya to see each other again. Those sisters need to meet (and oh ho, wouldn’t it be a clever bit of work to have them reunite when Jon and Dany meet and maybe recognize family?) and we the audience need them to meet and ACCEPT one another. They’ve both changed, and I think it will do them a world of good to see that.

      I mean, wishes and wants and all that. :D

  • Lyanna Mormont

    Shall we begin?
    Loved the Dany-Varys confrontation. She’s absolutely right that he’s done plenty of shady stuff while supposedly serving the previous kings. He’s right that you don’t get his loyalty just by saying you want it, you have to worthy of it. (And let’s get those nice shots of Grey Worm and Missandei when he talks about his childhood as a slave, yeah.) But you gotta wonder, would she have accepted his conditional loyalty if he hadn’t been so willing to die for it? If he’d rolled out a ton of excuses instead of spelling it out? (And thereby implying that he’d decided she WAS worthy of his loyalty…) I suspect not.
    I KNEW Melisandre would be showing up at Dragonstone. With Stannis dead and Jon kicking her out, where else would she go? And Dany did raise dragons from stone (eggs), so. I really liked the comfortable shift between High Valyrian and the Common Tongue, too. And yeah, Missandei is our translator. “The prince or princess who was promised.” Now if we could just hear exactly what that prophecy says, so we can interpret it! Yep, Jon AND Dany, that’s my bet too.
    Ellaria doesn’t like the plan, Olenna doesn’t like the plan, Yara doesn’t like the plan. Dany explains the plan. Everybody agrees to the plan. (And that look on Tyrion’s face when she quoted him! Somebody listens to him and values his advice!) Splitting up her forces is a risk, but hey – looks like we’ll finally get to see Casterly Rock!
    Olenna, I love you, and you make good points – but there’s more to Dany than just dragon-ness. Conquest and ruling through fear doesn’t exactly make for stability, either, you know.
    How beautiful were Grey Worm and Missandei. So damn romantic and sexy and loving. I want them to get their happily ever after. (And I’m pretty sure that’s the first time GoT has shown a man going down on a woman since Jon and Ygritte. In Oberyn and Ellaria’s fivesome it was a woman, wasn’t it?) And yes, there can be romantic love without sex, and there can be sex without penetration.
    And there can be sex without romantic love. Ellaria sure reacted quickly to Yara’s casual little “Boy, girl, depends on the port” comment. And when Theon got uncomfortable, Yara just looked at him and shrugged, and he left. Or, well, started to leave. Because heeeeeere’s Euron!
    Ugh. I know the Sand Snakes weren’t exactly a hit with the audience (including me) and I knew the show would be unlikely to keep all three of them when they’ve been cutting characters left and right, but after all that hype about them being badass fighters, they never showed it. Poison, backstabbing, two-against-one, throwing a spear at a guy buried in sand… not exactly impressive, and very cliché “women aren’t as good as men unless they stack the odds in their favor” type treatment. And Euron gets to take out two of them more or less at once, AND capture Yara, AND remind Theon of Ramsay so much he panics and jumps over the side.
    So I guess we know what Cersei’s gift will be. “Look, I brought you the woman who killed your daughter – and HER daughter!” Oh, man. Cersei’s gonna kill Tyene slowly while Ellaria watches, isn’t she? Shades of the Mad King and how he killed Ned’s father and brother, I bet. (As if Cersei hadn’t shown enough similarities to the Mad King already.)
    Jaime’s not gonna like that one bit, and he’s already telling Papa Tarly he’s not a fan of his sister. What will it be that finally pushes him over the edge? Is Jaime eventually going to add Queenslayer to his titles?
    But Cersei gets a reprieve from Revenge a la Stark. Arya hears that Jon is King in the North and has retaken Winterfell, so she goes HOME! After some hesitation, but the pull is too strong. And she meets Hot Pie again! And NYMERIA!!! It’s memory lane for Arya this episode, and that forces her to make a decision on who she’s going to be going forward. She’s not Arry anymore, she’s not No One on a mission, she’s not wild as a direwolf – she’s someone who has a home and a family. She’s Arya, she’s a Stark, and she’s of Winterfell.
    Of course, just as Arya heads for Winterfell, Jon leaves. But Sansa will be there, she’ll be the Stark in Winterfell, and I can’t wait for the sisters to reunite. I fully expect to cry buckets when they do.
    Oh, Jon, you were doing so well on consulting Sansa about the letter from Tyrion, but then you took the letter from Sam straight to everyone without talking to her first. She’s right about sending a delegation. In fact, maybe Sansa should go? She knows Tyrion better than you do, she’s royal enough to treat with Dany (and female, which could help) and it would leave you in the North to deal with the military threat while she handles the political part. And she can kneel if she needs to. But okay, we’re going to get a Jon and Dany meeting (with Davos and Melisandre staring each other down in the background).
    Also – Ned statue! And go on, Jon, just strangle the man. Tell them he snuck up on you and you thought he was trying to assassinate you, so you killed him in self-defense. You could get away with that, given a) that he betrayed Ned, and b) that you’ve been assassinated once already.
    Speaking of Sam… I love his eagerness and how he just devours books. But the Archmaester is every bit as much of a reader as you are, Sambo, and he’s had way more years with access to these books. “And do you know how Pylos died?” Heh. Yeah, don’t take everything you read at face value, Sam, you’d know that if Westeros had an internet (instead of just a raven-net).
    Mormont connection! “I was with your father when he died.” Oh, Jorah so wants to ask if his dad mentioned him, if he ever forgave him, if he still loved him. But they’ve got other business to tend to first (plus he’s probably afraid the answer will be no). Aaaand there’s Gross Food Cut of the episode!
    So. Dire foreshadowing, part 1: Qyburn with the harpoon/crossbow for dragons. Eeek. And destroying precious skeletal specimens like that, shame on you! What would the Citadel say? (Okay, they already kicked him out once, they probably can’t do it again.)
    Dire foreshadowing part 2: “You can’t trust a Targaryen!” Bronze Yohn Royce tells Jon – who’s half Targaryen (assuming Bran’s vision meant what we all think it did). How will the North/Vale react to that revelation? Bran’s past the Wall, he’s presumably heading for Winterfell (hopefully not with Meera still dragging him) and surely he’ll tell Jon. Will Jon tell anybody else? How will they react if he does?
    Oh, but – Sansa, Bran and Arya all together again? YES, PLEASE! And once he returns, Jon too! All the surviving Stark siblings back home, under the same roof – we wants it, precioussss, we wants it!

    • “Cersei’s gonna kill Tyene slowly while Ellaria watches, isn’t she?”

      YEPPPPPP. <—- my guess. I think that's ABSOLUTELY what is going to happen.

      I am so desperate for the Stark kids to reunite I just can't even. And now, I trust the show enough that I believe they will GIVE IT TO ME. Ha. hahahaha, those could be famous last words…

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Maybe Bronn will intervene! Although if he tried, that might just get him killed. (Also, I’ve tried to erase all memory of their interactions down in Dorne, they were just that bad.)

        Oh, Starklets reunion. There HAS to be one – they’ll all be needed to fight the armies of the dead!

    • Anthony Gitto

      THANK YOU for mentioning the Tyrion look. That was just amazing for me to watch. I’m not surprised that you got those feels as well!

    • Lyanna Mormont

      You know, I have to add something here I didn’t realize at first, but which has been pointed out in some other reviews I’ve read since.

      Take a look at Dany’s small council. You’ve got Dany, Tyrion and Varys; Grey Worm and Missandei; Yara and Theon; Ellaria and Olenna. What does that add up to?

      Five women, three eunuchs, and a dwarf.

      And the thing is, I didn’t even notice – because I expect things like that from this show. The powerful influential women are everywhere, Tyrion isn’t seen as a dwarf first but is the Savvy Advisor first and a dwarf second, and, well, castration is everywhere. But we got Varys, Theon and Grey Worm in the same damn room, and all of them had their castration referenced in one way or another this episode. (And I still didn’t put it together, because they’re individuals first, not classed together in my mind.)

      Not a single so-called “normal” (ptui!) man on the damn council.

      • Oh my gosh, you’re right! And yep, it’s what I’ve come to expect so it went over my head, too. <3

  • It’s the fantasy equivalent of the white girl checking out the noise in the KNOWN HAUNTED HOUSE or the goofy sidekick asking, “What could go wrong?”

    TROMBONE SLIDE.

    Dragons are cool, but I am 100% #TeamDirewolf. Less likely to burninate a village of thatched-roof cottages. I do like Nymeria mingling with a wolf crew, maybe having a little batch of half DIrewolves/half regular wolves of her own?

    GENDRY. He needs to turn up. I, too, liked the clear competence of Euron, even if I’m not on his side. DAMN THAT BACKING UP HIS WORDS THING…

  • Seriously, the Stark-kids need a small council. Did… did Ned not have one so they don’t know about it? Did Ned just talk off the top of his head at everyone and then he LOST HIS HEAD #sorrynotsorry

    The Olenna “be a dragon” phrase was the most bloodthirsty thing we’ve seen from her, and that’s saying something. She’s no fool. I took away that it was a bit rash. Just me?

    I’m so glad to have you back!!

    • Andy Street

      Jon wasn’t allowed at the legitimate children’s table whenever Ned had guests. Really his only experience of leadership is with the Nights Watch where they really do all just sit around in a room arguing but then the Lord Commander can just cut your head off if he gets any insubordination.

      Sansa really didn’t used to be the kind of person who would have been paying attention to how her father governed, either. Her main frame of reference would be Littlefinger.

      • Lilley Berrington

        I like the small counsel idea. Since Sansa says she’s learnt so much from Cersei, she should know all about tiny counsels. Great about John putting some trust in her though for a change. Let’s hope she stands strong and doesn’t let LF screw it up.

    • Ana G

      “Did Ned just talk off the top of his head at everyone” Ned WOULD. It feels very Northern, too, a la Night’s Watch everybody yelling sessions. They seem the sort of people who want transparency to a ridiculous degree. And also remember Grey Wind eating that dude’s fingers and all of them going: alright, rad! We’re down! Northerners are a strange bunch. But yes these kids need a Small Council really bad.

  • Lyanna Mormont

    Nah, I think he’ll be fine. It was just there for the comedy of him saying “I’m like you!” when he has no idea how far from the truth that is.
    But yes, Gendry, please. Give him a Valyrian hammer or something, he’ll be useful against the White Walkers.

    • Lilley Berrington

      To be fair, some survive by learning to kill. Others survive by keeping their heads down. To be a nice guy and have survived for 7 seasons is no small feet. And I think Arya almost got killed a few more times than he did.

  • I HATE you for putting that Littefinger theory in my head! But it’s totally something he’d do if his swimmers weren’t swimming. But luckily I think too much time has elapsed for Sansa to be secret-pregnant. Lucky for her and us.

    I think you may be giving Jon too much credit with having a secret plan to embolden Sansa’s position in the North. But it would totally make sense since he needs an heir. Maybe it did influence him. Regardless, she wields real power there now thanks to him. Hopefully she uses it to summon SweetRobin and find a way for LF to have a little “accident” while out on a fishing trip. (She settles ALL family business)

    My Nymeria opinion: things are done that cannot be undone. She’s a pack leader now. A warrior. She cannot go back to a life she could’ve had 5 seasons ago. (Just like Arya can’t go back to just being a normal Stark. That ship sailed at the Sept of Baelor in season 1). Nymeria spared Arya from her pack because of their bond. But that’s it.

    Speaking of things that can’t be undone, I hate-loved that Theon is still suffering from PTSD. A swift talk from Yara isn’t gonna cure him 100%. That scene resonated with me a lot.

    • Agreed on the I don’t think she’s pregnant now. I still think that’s a LF plan, or would have been. I JUST HATE HIM (love to hate him). I would LOVE for Sansa (and Arya!) to right all the wrongs done to the Stark kids. That would be AMAZING.

      I think you’re also spot on with Nymeria. (And I’m there with you on Theon, too. I think that was incredibly and unfortunately realistic, his reaction. Poor guy…)

  • Zack

    Lovely episode, I think my favorite scene was Missandei/Grey Worm though, because I was waiting on it for years! SO HAPPY

    And I loved Arya joking to Hot Pie that she, too, had baked a pie or two. Mm, Walder Pie…

    And then Arya realizing that her wolf wasn’t cut out for domestic life but needed to run free. JUST LIKE ARYA. Callback to S1 with Ned telling her she’d be some lord’s wife, and a mother.

    Do you watch Black Sails? Notice they recast Sam’s brother? Billy Bones! Like, my two favorite fandoms colliding <3

    They totally wasted the Sand Snakes this show. I kind of don't get the point…except I think the one who flirted with Bronn might still be alive and captive, maybe he can prison break her and they can ride off together????

    I did like that battle a lot though. Poor Theon, and his PTSD :(

    • Zack

      I forgot to comment on my favorite scene! Varys is my favorite character on the show (beyond that is more difficult to rank) and his convo with Dany was brilliant.

      She was totally right, he’s got no hangups over abandoning a bad ruler in search of a good one. And that’s a positive trait. I think (hope?) she sees why she would want wise, honest advisors rather than bootlickers.

      It seems like the show isn’t quite shutting the door on the idea that she might have tendencies similar to her father’s…so hopefully keeping good counsel at hand limits that possibility

      • BILLY BICEPS! I mean, Billy Bones, yes yes! ;)

        And the Grey Worm/Missandei scene was just… [kisses fingers] So lovely to have a moment of such sweetness between two characters who really deserve it.

        Theon continues to just make me sad for him. :(

        • Ana G

          Can I just say how pleasantly surprised I was at how explicit? the Grey Worm x Missandei scene got? I was expecting the usual TV cop out of GW moving down and out of frame and 0.2 seconds of Missandei’s pleased face before they cut away. But NOPE. Even blurry it was clear what he was up to and I can’t remember the time TV was bold enough for that. Like I could get into the gender politics/sexism surrounding that and why I was so happy about it but let’s leave it at I was very pleasantly surprised

          • Wasn’t that GLORIOUS!? All hail a downstairs man (or lady), hahaha. That was excellent and really tender and romantic.

            • Zack

              I can’t think of any other way they could have done that scene where I’d be happier.

              Some people have noted disappointment that they didn’t show GW’s mutilation to the viewer. But I think that would have been a distraction from the romance/tenderness. Like Missandei’s reaction was enough. It doesn’t matter how he looked, because they wuv each other

              • Right, that would have TOTALLY missed the point to focus on Grey Worm’s groin. It was about the fact that Missandei ACCEPTED HIM AS IS and still found him desirable (which you obviously know).

                THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT! <3

          • Lyanna Mormont

            It was a step or two further than Willow and Tara’s “You make me COM-plete!” song, that’s for sure!

  • I don’t think she’s pregnant either because of what you said, but that was a theory I’d been sitting on for a year and just remembered it. Hahaha.

  • SAM CANNOT GET GREYSCALE. I mean, if he gets infected and it turns out CUTTING IT OFF is the key, Sam isn’t going to make it! Hahaha.

    Grey Worm: GETTING IT DONE & TAKING CARE OF HIS LADY. Me: HERE FOR IT.

  • I love that you come back each week!

    I don’t think we’ve even BEGUN to watch Ellaria suffer, and I’m dreading it, honestly.

    • Dennai

      I’m dreading it since episode I when Euron promised Cersei a gift. The only gifts that would appease Cersei were:
      1) Dany, obviously, but that was never gonna happen because plot armor, but also, because if Dany is out of the game what need would have Cersei of Euron?
      2) Tyrion. But again, plot armor.
      3) A dragon. I couldn’t see how Euron could take one down, specially this early in the season.

      So, the logical conclusion was 4) Ellaria. Any extra Sand Snake would be just a bonus.

      With that thought in mind, I’m being dreading the scenario the whole week, even if I have no sympathy for that Greek Fury incarnate that is currently Ellaria, because if Cersei gave that Septa to the tender care of ZombieMountain for just some bulling, what could she have in store for her daughter’s killer?

      • Lyanna Mormont

        I’m betting it’ll start with something like: “Since you killed my daughter, why don’t I kill yours? Slowly. In front of you. And I’ll pretend that if you beg enough, I might spare her, even though we both know I really won’t… just to see your daughter’s face if you refuse to, or yours if you do beg.”

        • Dennai

          You gave far more though to this that I’d ever dare to. As I said, I’m being dreading the whole scenario for a week, and still have another week to go.

  • The Hot Pie moment felt like a little fanservice to me, honestly, because as you said: fast and rushed. But then… what else could they have talked about? Arya’s not about to open and share her life with… anyone at this point.

    The good thing about where Sansa is right now is she’s SURROUNDED by truly loyal and good people. The Eyrie will be more inclined to align with her, all the bannermen, and of course, Brienne, who won’t go anywhere, I bet. I’m not too worried about her — I am hoping LF gets his comeuppance soon.

    JORAH. My precious boiled and peeled baby… GAH.

    • Lyanna Mormont

      This fan doesn’t mind being serviced with some hot pie.

      (Rhubarb pie, apple pie, blueberry pie… Mmmm.)

  • Oh, she came out way before this when she was hitting on chicks as they sailed to Meereen!

    • Carrie Pack

      No, I know that. I was referring to you calling her a lesbian. ;)

      • FAIR. (I think she trends to women, though, and sees men out of a sense of duty, but I’m not a book reader.)

  • Lisa

    My thought on ‘It’s not you’ was Season 1 Arya and Ned where he tells her she’ll be a fine lady that births knights, etc and Arya says ‘that’s not me’. Becoming a house pet isn’t Nymeria.

    Wonder if Bronn will cross paths w/ last surviving Sand Snake.

    Guh, Theon. It HURT to watch him curl up and surrender, and yet it’s entirely plausible. So, good writing but painful to watch.

    Re: comments in Sansa. 1) she looks gorgeous in that screenshot and 2) I must have some masochistic streak that I listen to What the Flick reviews each week and each week they say Sansa is stupid, Danny’s going evil, Arya is a psychopath, etc. they yell about how liberal they are and yet every. Single. Female. Character. is either stupid or evil. Guys, we see exactly what you are. Ugh!!!!

    • (Am I the only person who doesn’t care about the show Sand Snakes? I guess they’re more interesting in the books…) <– meaning, I'm meh on Bronn interacting with them. Major age differences like that creep me out, honestly.

      It was so awful to see Theon react that way, but it made sense. BAH.

      Oh, what the hell are you doing listening to that sort of nonsense?! Life is too short to give energy to haters! GIRL, TREAT YOURSELF.

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Nah, you’re not the only one. But I do care about Ellaria (partly for the books, partly for Season 4, partly because Indira Varma) and I don’t want her to have to see her baby girl die in front of her.

        I mean, yeah, the other two Sand Snakes are already dead. But given that they were constantly making fun of Tyene for talking about Mama, and pointing out that Ellaria wasn’t their mother, I don’t think they were all that close. Allies, yes, all devoted to Oberyn, yes – but not emotionally close, I think.

  • mrspidey80

    “She also catches Tyrion and Dany up on everything that’s happened since “Hardhome” and lays the ground work for “Fire & Ice: Long Winter Boogaloo.” (I’m working on the title. Needs to be something snappy…)”
    You mean, like, “A Song of Ice And Fire”?
    Also, sorry for the microscopical book spoiler but Balerion deserves to be called by his proper kick-ass name, which is “Balerion THE BLACK Dread”.
    Fuck you, Qyburn, for fucking up his name!

    And about “That’s not you”:
    “That’s not me” is what Arya said to Ned in season one after he told her how she’d marry a high lord, be his lady and have many children.
    Arya understands and accepts that Nymeria belongs in the wilderness with a pack at her side and not at Winterfell as Arya’s pet.

    • “You mean, like, “A Song of Ice And Fire”?”

      …so that joke went STRAIGHT over your head, huh? ;)

      • mrspidey80

        More like I saw it coming and ducked because i wanted a funny opener for my post. ;)

        • And then didn’t use a funny opener for your post? Pity.

          • Dennai

            ? Burn, Baby burn, baby burn, baby buurnnn ?

  • Scott

    Great recap, as always. Loved seeing Nymeria again, even if it seems like it was only to say goodbye to her (and hot pie). I miss the wolves, they get too little screen time. I mean where is Ghost?

    I feel like the Sansa/Jon thing is getting old. It just feels forced by the writers (to keep us talking about it) as opposed to natural characterizations/progressions for these two. Which I know I am playing into here, so I will stop. I get the tiniest of impressions you don’t like Littlefinger much, but I love him, at least I did until this season. For me his plots and scheming make the story more interesting (until his hopeful fall). Now he just seems like a walking, creeping, dumb placeholder for his own impending death that feels like is only being put off to give Sansa something to do later in the season. I will say though that your theory goes against my belief that Robin is actually his son.

    The Dany and Pals scene just seemed like it was only there to help answer the questions left over from last seasons finale. The conversation with Dany and Varys was great even if it seemed a bit late in the game to be having that talk. I mean what did they talk about on the whole ship ride over?

    I do like that they are playing the angle of splitting the Reach to be partly still in Cersei’s camp. Otherwise, Dany’s army is just too strong. Should make for an interesting battle, possibly the one from the trailer with the dothraki and the dragons?

    Euron’s ship coming into focus was beautiful. The fight was amazing and even though we never left like a 20 ft radius of the battle, you could still feel the scope of the whole thing. It was just so well done. Euron was maniacal and sadistic and fun to watch. He seems like the logical progression from Joffrey to Ramsey to now Euron/Cersei being that sadistic force for everyone to rally against. Best of all he killed off half of the remainder of Dorne. Only 2 more to go and we can never mention Dorne again on the show and I will be happier.

    Sorry this post got so long.

    • Scott, so glad you came back!

      That did feel like a goodbye forever to Nymeria, right? Sigh. As long as she gets to live a long, wolfy life.

      Oh, I love to hate Littlefinger. In real life I would plot his murder (or not shed a tear if he died) but on my screen?? LOVE TO HATE HIM. Same with Cersei. We haven’t seen much of anything with him so far this season for me to make any calls on characterization. He got a LOT of screen time, and the natural progression story-wise (imo) is for the chips to fall where they may.

      You think Robin is LF’s son!? I’ve never considered that! (I got the impression that honeymoon Sansa was forced to listen to was their first sexual encounter, but hey, theories are fun!)

      I cannot tell you how many times I backed up my feed to watch Euron’s ships come into focus. GORGEOUS. Just fabulous, from the construction to the sails to the masterful bit of warmongering.

      Never apologize for a long post! I don’t think there’s a comment length with Disqus, so have at it! It’s half the fun here, to talk with fellow fans!

      • Scott

        I love that you take the time to read all the comments. True dedication and passion for this show (and hopefully the books when that time comes) is what makes everything you write so great.

        Yes… Not going to shed a tear when Littlefinger dies (nor Cersei), but sure is fun watching them do their things. Theories are a lot of fun and I also hope Nymeria will live a long life. New theory: Nymeria and Hot Pie will be the only two to survive the series. Haha.

        By the way Kate Dickie was amazing at Con of Thrones. Did you happen to hear any of her stories about filming the screaming scene or the breastfeeding scene?

        • I will DEVOUR these books when the show ends! Cross my heart! :)

          Here’s the thing about me: I genuinely enjoy amazing acting and storytelling, and this show has it in spades. There have been times when I’ve called “enough” (Sansa’s Wedding Night, for example), but I love watching characters, good or bad. I truly enjoy watching baelish, because it will be delicious when he gets his comeuppance. Ditto Cersei, and that has to be coming!

          Kate Dickie was a DELIGHT!! She was at a dinner I attended, and we were on a few panels together, as well. She’s just hilarious and 1000% in everything she does. I heard the breastfeeding story a few times, in fact! She grew more animated with each retelling, hahaha!

      • Lilley Berrington

        I agree about the Sands. Dorne, however, is important. It makes wine.
        Was I the only one disappointed to discover that Arbor gold is a red wine? It would have worked so much better with a buttery wooded chardonnay.
        Also, Laura, you’ve become meaner about Cersei than you were in earlier seasons. Sad face!

        • Oh, I still love Cersei! As in, I love watching her on my screen. But I wouldn’t want to be in the same room with her. Girl is unhinged!

          • Lilley Berrington

            Haha yeah, she certainly is, but so are most of these characters. Uron, Ellaria,FCM… and that’s not to mention half the dead characters.

  • Anthony Gitto

    Well, it would appear that everything is fairly well covered here in the best comment section ever! There are a few things I wanted to add:
    1. I REALLY loved Jamie’s mistake on Dickon’s name “Rickon is it?” It just shows that Jamie DGAF and screw you Dickon for stealing Sam’s rightful place!

    2. I really don’t know how Randyll will go. He fought for the Targs against Robert, AND his liege lady is pledged to the Targs…. but he is a Pompous shit that wants more recognition.

    3. I didn’t even think about the crossbow scene and Joff!! That’s soo spot on! I was distracted by by them acting like there isn’t any history fighting dragons when such a huge part of their history involves Targs fighting Targs with Dragons!?!?! “Ohh I’m gonna come up with a NEW idea of stabbing it!” SMDH

    4. Thankfully that wasn’t the entire Fleet, at least part of it should be ferrying Tyrion to get his rocks off. (heh Casterly Rock heh. sorry I’m 12)

    Everything else was well covered by the usual posters and you of course my lady. Until next week, I leave you with a Princess bride quote for no damn reason other than I love that movie. “Sleep well and dream of Large women.”

    • Nice one, Anthony! ;)

      1. Jaime is SO GOOD at those little digs to remind you of his station in life.

      2. I honestly thing Randyll will go with the side he genuinely feels will win… and maintain power. I’m still thinking he’ll turn away from the Lannisters (although, if he sides with them, more chances to be on the opposite side of his son and we viewers have THAT fight to look forward to.)

      4. THANK GOODNESS THEY DIDN’T LOSE ALL THE DAMN SHIPS!

  • Dennai

    I’m gonna shamelessly to copy and paste a post of mine from WatchersOnTheWall, but i’m triggered by so many rants all over Internet (but thankfully, not on this fine site):

    I have to laugh at all those people (not too many in these parts, but plenty of them in more darker corners of the internet) calling names to Dany for demanding people to bend the knee. Stannis did it all the time, but he’s Stannis the Mannis, so he gets a pass. Jon made two kids bend the knee last episode and he was so kind and fair and wise for not taking their family castles from them. But Dany asks for a loyalty oath and she’s an entitled bitch.

    I just can see how next events will go:

    Jon: Hello, Miss Targaryen. There’s a horde of undead and wintering things keen to exterminate us all. Dragonglass can kill those things and you have plenty.
    Dany: I see.
    Jon: Also, fire is really useful against them and you have three dragons.
    Dany: Uh-huh
    Jon: Finally, wars have really put a dent in our numbers and you have a lot of soldiers.
    Dany: That’s right.
    Jon: So, we would like to borrow the whole lot if you don’t mind.
    Dany: Fine, bend the knee and you got a deal.
    Internet: F#*KING ENTITLED BITCH!!!
    Jon: Sorry, not really my thing.
    Dany: Well, you know where the door is. Bye.
    Jon: For centuries our families fought together against their common enemy… We need to do the same if we’re going to survive, because the enemy is real.
    Dany: All that talk of togetherness is really heartwarming, but still someone has to be in charge.
    Jon: That would be me.
    Dany: I was born to rule the Seven Kingdoms and I will!
    Davos: If we don’t put aside our enmities and bound together, we will die and then it won’t matter whose skeleton sits on the Iron Throne.
    Internet: YOU TELL HER, DAVOS! F#*KING ENTITLED BITCH!!!
    Davos: Actually, I was telling both of them.
    Jon: What we are talking about here is war, and what we need is a military commander.
    Dany: I conquered three city-states and put down a coalition of slavers. What military experience have you?
    Jon: (Mumbles) I rode headlong into my enemy’s trap.
    Dany: You know nothing, Jon Snow.
    Internet: F#*KING ENTITLED BITCH!!!
    Other corner of Internet: (swooning) Their kids are gonna be so cute!
    Another cornet of Internet: LALALA, I CAN’T HEAR ANYTHING. I’M JUST WAITING FOR THE BOOKS.

    • I’m so glad I’m not seeing any of that nonsense here!

    • Anon

      To be fair, she is a little bit entitled. She doesn’t own any land besides a deserted fortress. Jon was crowed King of the entire North, and was faced with rebels. Dany asking for a loyalty oath is different because she holds no lands and is currently not the ruler of anything – she is just an invading force with a claim to the throne.

      Asking for them to swear fealty just makes no logical sense from a feudal context. If she asked for ‘support in her claim’ for the throne, that would result in the same thing but it would ensure that she doesn’t come across as if she owns the place already. Which she doesn’t.

      She has no real right to ask for “fealty” until she ‘de facto’ rules over the lands. If she were to attack Kings Landing and kill Cersei, and declare herself Queen – then asking for fealty like Cersei has done would be a perfectly valid move and would not come across as “entitled” because she already ‘owns’ the place and these people are now rebels. Dany is an invading ‘claimant’ to Westeros, and as such is ‘entitled’ by that very nature.

      It’s all about the context. Also, Stannis *was* overly entitled considering his minor holdings at the time. He felt like he should have been entitled to Storm’s End rather than Renly, and when Robert died he felt entitled to the throne. Look where all that entitlement took him…

      I’m definitely curious to see what Dany’s next move will be though. Hoping for some Dany and Jon friction.

      • Dennai

        “she is just an invading force with a claim to the throne.”

        That’s exactly why she can demand loyalty oath. As I said before is what every pretender in History has done before. When you have an army at your back, you can demand things. Having a legitimate claim adds to that, but the army is the main point here. You refuse to submit, you know what the score is if such army comes knocking.
        I’m not saying it’s fair, I’m not saying is just. I’m saying that’s how the things work. Stannis only had the same fortress and a claim, but a much smaller army. Didn’t stop him demanding knee bending.

        On the other hand, I’d say that someone coming from nothing and ending with a huge army and a history of conquering had earned the right of being a little entitled, so much more when you have a glorious family tree. I don’t think too many people in her cincunstances would be avatars of humbleness.

        • Anon

          Has every pretended done the same? I suppose it depends on how much difference you place on “swear an oath of fealty” and “support my claim for the throne”. I understand your point about the refusal to submit – but as of just now Dany’s army has not done any knocking. In fact, as of this episode the army has officially lost every battle so far, which will knock the fear of Dany down a bit.

          It didn’t stop Stannis demanding, but as I said – he was extraordinarily entitled. The Iron Bank saw through this until Davos convinced them of the fact that the other players in the game were weakening.

          Perhaps she has earned the right to be entitled – I never claimed otherwise! I was arguing just to the point that she was, in fact, entitled. In fact, most characters in the show are entitled – because they are aristocracy, and they are born believing that they are entitled to things they have or do not have.

          • Dennai

            “I was arguing just to the point that she was, in fact, entitled. In
            fact, most characters in the show are entitled – because they are
            aristocracy, and they are born believing that they are entitled to
            things they have or do not have.”

            She is entitled, you are absolutely right, but my point was that she is not much more entitled that other people in the show and in that world, but a very significant (and very loud) part of the fandom seems to take issue with her while dismissing similar attitudes with other characters.

            Every ruling Targaryen in Westeros had the loyalty oath from the North, it makes perfect sense that Dany demands that, the same way that Jon made two kids kneel and swear allegiance because Karstarks and Umber have been always subjects to the ruling Starks. We can argue the legitimacy of both situations (Dany is not a sanctioned queen, the North is not a legit kingdom), but not the logic behind them.

            • Lyanna Mormont

              Plus, from where Dany’s standing, she’s making a huge concession by NOT demanding that Jon stop calling himself King in the North. Based on what she’s said so far, it seems she’s fine with him being king as long as he submits to her overqueenship. (Hey, look, I invented a word!)

    • Posh66

      >>Jon: (Mumbles) I rode headlong into my enemy’s trap.
      Dany: You know nothing, Jon Snow.

      OH HOW I LAUGHED. It’s funny because it’s true!!!

  • Eh, but she was “motherly” to them, even if they weren’t her blood. (The Sand Snakes were just poorly handled. We non-book readers struggled with who anyone was, honestly.)

  • Julie Martin

    A lot to love about this episode. It was great to see how much the Sisters Stark have grown. Arya choosing family over revenge is a BFD, but I agree that the Nymeria scene also demonstrated self-awareness; she’s going “home,” but she is clearly her own person now (her own person who totally misses her big bro who always understood who she was and had the good sense to arm her – DAMMIT they won’t meet up this season). Sansa ‘s face when she got control of the North was amazing. Like all her dreams came true – season 1 Sansa would have only made that face at the prospect of a “good” marriage, and would totally have fallen for Littlefinger’s crap, but season 7 Sansa wants power in her own right, wants to protect her family, and is not interested in creepy schemers. I am not worried about her – she can take care of herself, with an assist from Brienne if necessary. I am SO excited to see these sisters together again. They had their differences, and obviously had unique journies, but at the very least I think they are in the right mental space to appreciate each other now. If they are like me and my sister, they will have some big arguments but then be so grateful to have someone around who “gets it” on a level nobody else does.

    Other stray thoughts: when all else failed with Randyll Tarly, Jamie knew to appeal to his raging xenophobia and I think we all know from last year’s dinner that will TOTALLY work. Dammit. Jamie also seemed perceptive about Olenna, though. I think she IS just blinded by desire for vengeance now – Dany should be wary of her advice. Olenna WANTS a queen of the ashes. “Fire and Blood” is what got her to sign up.

    • The growth of the Stark sisters is just awesome. It’s all coming to a head, which is why I’m champing at the bit for them to reunite so they can appreciate it in each other as well, just as you say. YES PLEASE.

      And oh, what an excellent point about Tarly’s xenophobia! YES. Blah. And ugh, I’ve spelled his name wrong throughout this recap. AMENDING! ;)

  • Ana G

    I loved Varys’ speech, I’ve always had a soft spot for him. And also Melisandre just going “sure, let’s go with that” when Dany thinks she’s the chosen one. FCM is still Team Jon it appears. I’m also so happy Evil Grandpa Qyburn’s return. Bringing his favorite granddaughter a killing machine because he cares. His dynamic with Cersei is still one of my favorite things and I still don’t know why. I just squee when they’re on screen together. Speaking of the killing machine though, could a dead dragon be ice zombified? Because that would be. A Lot. (Presumably it wouldn’t be able to breathe fire though).

    • Hahahaha, “Sure, let’s go with that.” SPOT. ON.

      I actually enjoy the Qyburn/Cersei relationship, too! It’s like The Mayor and Faith, which I adored, even though they were evil. :D

      I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT ZOMBIE DRAGONS, TOO. I mean, Zombie Giants??? Maybe it would breathe __[intro to “Under Pressure” plays]__?

      • Ana G

        I’m cackling @ Maybe it would breathe __[intro to “Under Pressure” plays]__?

        • THANK YOU FOR LAUGHING AT MY MOM JOKES. [forehead kiss]

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Dum-dum-dum-dada-dumdum. Dum-dum-dum-dada-dumdum.

  • Ana G

    OH ALSO!
    I feel like Yara+Ellaria aren’t dead. For awful reasons. Because Euron, being the worst, knows that Cersei, being the worst, is gonna want to kill *some* of her enemies herself. They are the gift he’s taking to her (also TV rules, we saw no body, so).

    • I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT.

      • Ana G

        And then they can escape and find Theon and be happy, right? …..right?

  • Moriah Gemel

    Way back when:

    Ned: You will be a Lady and marry noblemen
    Arya: …that’s not me.

    Now:

    Arya: Come be my loyal gigantic doggo Nymeria!
    Nymeria: ?
    Arya: …that’s not you.

    I was disappointed in the ongoing lack of direwolves, but I stimmed myself half out of my seat when I even suspected the reunion so I was happy anyway.

    • Wasn’t that a great call back? I love that everyone is moved by it, too!

    • Posh66

      I LOL’d at your thumbs down! Tho being a loyal gigantic doggo sounds epic to me haha.

  • moata

    Thing I just realised: Davos is heading to Dragonstone. Last seen at Dragonstone?
    Melisandre. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/02a32bc83b614c9c72000fd7661037fd7200c11479c25b4451f001e17274031c.gif

    • OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!

    • Lanie

      I so so so SO want Davos to be the one to end her. She herself said she’s lived a long life and expected to die long ago. Justice for Shereen!!

      • Would that not just be delicious? AND WELL DESERVED, HONESTLY.

  • Lilley Berrington

    I read that the writers of the show said the “that’s not you” line is a reflection of Arya’s “that’s not me” to Ned in season 1. This was when he said she would marry a lord and bare children for him in a nice castle. Nymeria choosing not to go with Arya might be supposed to mean that she has found a life of her own now, and like Arya, she is headstrong and isn’t going to lounge around and let someone else take care of her.

  • Lilley Berrington

    Sorry for posting this here, but I’m unsure how to contact you otherwise. I just wanted to find out which types of comments do you not approve? I mean, aside from book spoilers, and offensive comments that are racist/sexist/ablist/homophobic/plainly meant to be insulting etc? Just for future reference. Since this is not a comment on your review, I also obviously don’t expect this to appear.

    • I block/don’t approve comments that contain obvious spoilers or personal attacks towards other commenters.

      In the almost 7 years this site has been active I’ve only had to do that… five times?

      • Lilley Berrington

        Okay cool. Do you sometimes not receive comments? I made one that didn’t get posted with my list of notable things this episode. My apologies if it contained spoilers. It wasn’t all that important; except for the Theon part. I just said I think it wasn’t the worst decision he’s ever made to jump overboard. If he had tried to save Yara, her throat would most likely have been cut and he would have been captured or killed. Now at least he has a chance of escape and could perhaps try to rescue her as she did for him once.

        • I guess not? I gave you a “trusted commenter” tag so everything you post comes through auto-approved

        • Also, I’m pretty sure that came through. Not liking a character isn’t worth banning someone! Spoiling the crowd or calling names would be, which I don’t believe happened. (I didn’t delete the guy from last week who insulted me, for example.)

          Try sorting comments if you’re not seeing them. I like to sort “newest” first, personally, so I can immediately see them.

          • Lilley Berrington

            Ah; wasn’t aware you could sort comments. I should really do that. Comment sections can be a bit hard to navigate with a screenreader, so I could have missed it. By the way, yay for the trusted commenter tag! An honor, your Grace. *Have I ever mentioned I’m a huge Laura fan girl?* Haha

        • Posh66

          You are right on the money with Theon. I wouldn’t have blamed him if I was Yara, I’d have been glad he had a chance to escape. Maybe she was so sad because she knew this was the last time she’d see him (seeing as how her odds of surviving the next episode are thin as thin can be).

          I love Olenna Tyrell because she doesn’t give a crap what anybody thinks of her. Yes, she’s rude. And she doesn’t care! LOL. She figures you should just be glad she isn’t giving the order to chop off your head. :0D BRING ON THE LEMON CAKES.

          • Lilley Berrington

            :-) Not sure if we’re allowed to mention the next episode in this comment section, so I shall discuss my sigh of relief about Yara and my recent feelings on Olenna in the next comment section. Also, for future reference, Laura, am I allowed to mention things about the next episode in this section? And am I allowed to mention things that appeared in the next episode preview when it hasn’t come out yet?

            • Let’s stick to what’s aired, if you don’t mind. And I get the episode posts up pretty fast, so feel free to click ahead to this latest ep! (People may not have notifications turned on for previous comment sections, so you may find yourself commenting without interaction as a result.)

  • Hahahaha, brisket. YES. HE WAS VERY MUCH A SLOW-SMOKED OVER LIVE OAK BRISKET!! Mmmm, brisket.

    The nautical puns you dropped were well-tacked, my friend. :D

  • XOXOX

    And gosh, I do hope Olenna lives beyond the game of thrones. But then, I fear she’s ready to go out with a bang, now that her beloved grandchildren are gone. :(

    • Lanie

      Unfortunately you’re probably right :(

  • Lyanna Mormont

    Yeah, the scientist in me was cringing at the lack of protection aside from the gloves. (The rest of me was admiring his courage, and trying not to gag.)

    • Oh, he had gloves on!! WHEW! I was looking for that on a re-watch.

  • Posh66

    So much to discuss! Why oh why doesn’t anybody mention that Jon DIED AND ROSE FROM THE GRAVE. And by grave I mean desk. You’d think that would give him just a little bit more credibility as the dude who is leading them all through Armageddon. It’s either sloppy storytelling or else Jon doesn’t want to freak anybody out. He just wants to be his old modest self ::flips fabulous hair:: Maybe no one would believe it anyway??

    Sam was too gentle to suggest rendering Jorah unconscious with a rock to the head, but that’s what I would have opted for. Where’s some milk of the poppy when you need it?

    I like Euron because I’m trash that way, even more so since I read someone call him Pirate Pacey. I like my villains written in shades of grey, but it’s fun hating Joffrey/Ramsay/Euron as the 100 percent evol creatures they are.

    Missandei/Grey Worm: I was so excited I stood up and shouted at my family ‘THEY HOOKED UP! THEY LOVE EACH OTHER FOR REAL!” And they don’t watch the show, so they were underwhelmed haha.

    If Arya dies before she gets to see Jon again, I will die. And I’m taking all of you with me. I can’t hazard a guess as to how Sansa and Arya will interact when the time comes. They’ve both been through a lot. A LOT. ****aaaaa lotttttttt****. As Nymeria symbolically pointed out, you can’t go back to who you were before, and really, should you even if you could?

    I love how Littlefinger is always two steps ahead of everyone else, so I also assume he goaded Jon (who is about as transparent as plastic wrap) into roughing him up. We shall see how/if that comes back to haunt him!

    OMG next week is going to be off the chain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    >> In the distance, a gong clangs and a horse screams.

    I laugh forever.

    • Lanie

      About the Jon thing I think he thinks nobody would believe him and see him as crazy. The North doesn’t follow the Lord of Light as far as I know… Maybe the Citadel is above milk of the poppy (almost typed poopy lol. still reliving last weeks ep with Sam i think) or Sam was acting fast and didn’t have time to get it… Euron is a great villian IMO, especially after that battle. He’s one crazy MOFO…Littlefinger is always plotting. God I want him dead. Missi and Grey were wonderful. I’m right with you on Arya, but please don’t kill me if you’re right :)

      • Posh66

        Milk of the poopy is a whole other ballgame!

        • Lanie

          And now my brain has meshed last week’s ep into this one and Sammy shows up in Jorah’s room with the chamber pots (or whatever they were) from last week. Dammit so much!!

    • Posh, I thought I’d replied to this!!

      I love that you laughed at the Young Frankenstein reference, hahaha.

      I am DESPERATE for something to bite Littlefinger in the ass. He’s due some comeuppance…

      • Posh66

        I forgot to say that I laughed even harder at your gluten references. Stop trying to make gluten happen, Sam. It’s not going to happen.

  • JCDavis

    What an episode! WHAT A FREAKIN’ EPISODE. So full, something for everyone. And Arya’s going home. I gotta ask, you gonna tell me that the Citadel has no Walgreens? Come on – dude coulda used some Poppy’s Milk or Mommy’s Milk anything but raw pain. 2nd hardest thing in GoT’s to ever watch. Oh and if it is okay with you, I am going to start calling Mad Old Mia Farrow (Cersei), Frau Blucher when she is with Dr. Frahkensteen. *a horse whinnies in the distance* And Ary’s going home. Daeny could lighten up on the morning caffeine bringin’ the witch to the party…..I just can’t wait to see Jono bend the knee to her, it worked so well when Stannis tried. *snort*

    As much as I LOVED every second of Missy and Wormy’s tender goodbye…I recall we ain’t watchin’ Cinderella, this is BLOODY Game of Thrones. *tears* And I HAVE been paying attention!! (Sorry to pooh in your Post Toasties)

    It hurt my heart to see Reek again, such a wounded bird, now floating about the ruins of broken ships and dead Snakes. Yara? I pray for thee. And what will Daeny think about not sending some dragon fire back up when she realizes she has ZERO fleet left? Hmmmm. And Arya’s going home. Maybe she will be the one to do LittleSMARMYfinger in. Someone has to have the pleasure, right? I broke out the POM POM’s just thinking of you cheering on your gal Sansa. Davos confronting RMC? That’s gonna be a show, buy a ticket now. And of course….wolves…one HUGE BIG OL’ better to sleep with on a cold night my dear, direwolf. I think that Nymeria was saying, “I’m no-ones pet, my pet”. Arya got it and yep…Arya is going home. I’d let her borrow my red glass slippers…no? Too much.

    Love you to bits, Laura. You make me think and smile and laugh. See you next week!!

    • I swear, I have been holding back on a commentary when people realize Cersei and Jaime boned so she can stand their with her violin and scream, “YES!” And you? And he? “YES!” And that means the kids… “YES! Yes, yes YES. He! Vas! My! BOYFRIEND!” [horses screaming as lightning strikes] :D

      Oh, I’m sure Grey Worm is going to get the spinal treatment from the Mountain, or something equally awful, BUT AT LEAST HE AND MISSANDEI HAD THIS MOMENT.

      You know, I forgot about Dany’s fleet being split in two, so she isn’t COMPLETELY out of ships. But damn, she lost a BUNCH.

      I am SO HAPPY to see you back!! Three more sleeps until New Show for us! XOXOXO

  • JEAN!!!!!!

    Oh, you darling lady, you! I’m SO delighted to see you here!! I have shown everyone those magnificent earrings from you. <3 You're just too sweet.

    And I think you're right about Arya trying to keep it cool and disaffected, but that is going to crumble even more than we've seen if she gets to see Sansa and Jon. Oh, my heart!!

    I LOVE that you got the Mayor and Faith references!! Ahaha. My most favorite father-daughter team in TV history, even though they're broken little villains…

    XOXOXOXOX

    • Lanie

      The Mayor and Faith reference?! How did I miss that???? I must reread now….

    • Lanie

      I’ve reread it (still effing love your review) but for some stupid reason my brain isn’t getting the reference? WTF have I missed??? Yes, please pat me on the head and explain it to me ;)

  • moosesal

    Non-penetrative sex for the win!!!! I pretty much fell apart at that scene. Boy howdy.

    “SIDE NOTE. Euron looks like that Townie you give a handie to behind his mom’s bait shop so your friends can get free beer without being carded. Just me?”
    Umm… Just you, babe.

    And finally, the gross to food screencuts have been awesome. I was laughing so hard last week at the scene with Sam’s chores and then then cutaway was brilliant. This week’s cutaway to the potpie got me though — I had a moment of WTF before my brain caught up.

    • HAHAHA, WHATEVER, SALLY. I know you know what I’m saying there. He’s got “gas-n-sip with minnow barrel on the porch” all over him. :D

      Those cuts to food have been HILARIOUS. So gross and so funny.

  • Posh66

    Yes, we can kiss each other with poisoned lips or some such! They already did the almostmeet of Jon and Rickon, so at least we don’t have to worry about that happening again with Jon and Arya. Right? Right?????

  • Lilley Berrington

    Ooo I forgot to mention how I loved that Hot Pie told Arya that he can’t believe he thought she was a boy, because she’s really pretty. And that she accepted the compliment. Next Lyanna Stark right there. Apparently the actress for Lyanna looks a bit like Arya’s actress, just older. The whole ugly duckling turning into a swan thing. Not that there are any ugly women in Game of Thrones… I think. Since my lightbulbs are not trustworthy, this is a guess based on what I’ve been told they look like.