Game of Thrones 7.3 – The Queen’s Justice

Previously! Dragonstone is really a kickass fortress. Let’s just get that out there. Every shot of it was gorgeous and awe-inspiring. I also enjoyed remembering that Tyrion and Jon liked each other away from everything.

Davos Seaworthy Jon Snow

I love Davos as Jon’s Hand, I really, really do. Davos can do no wrong in my eyes, tbh.

Missandei, Dany’s most trusted advisor, explains that Jon and his men must hand over their weapons. (Is this like Fallout: New Vegas where you can slip in a secret .22?? Hopefully that’s not needed.) Missandei is pretty charming and trustworthy, and Ser Davos feels her out, noting the differences in Dragonstone since, you know, family members and various allies were burned at the stake on the beach…

Funny #1: Tyrion joking and wondering if Sansa misses him

[crickets]

I do like him pointing out to Jon nothing happened and that he thinks Sansa is a smarty-pants. Tyrion is a good.

Funny #2: Drogon buzzing the incoming party as Jon and his men dampen their knickers
Funny #2.5: Missandei’s smug grin when they do

Varys pesters Fire Crotch Mage about not meeting Jon and Ser Davos, and I’m calling it: Fire Crotch Mage is either going to be killed or will die, like, lay down and die because “my work is done”. Just me? Uncle Fester makes it clear he won’t tolerate her return to Westeros after she leaves. He haaaaates her, wow. He won’t get his wish, it seems because apparently it’s fated she’ll die in Westeros… and so is he.

OH HO HO, now we know what was said in the fire, right?

…right?

PubLIZcity nick Kroll show

basically how prophesies work. Also, i miss this show. [“It’s based off our neems.”]

Funny #3: Dany’s long resume recitation as her introduction vs. Jon’s.
Funny #3.5: Ser Davos making sure Dany knows Jon is a King, not a lord. Which leads to…

Dany reminding everyone that the Starks are meant to bend the knee forever and ever—thank you for the brief history less we non-book readers don’t get, and this is why we DON’T TALK ABOUT THE BOOKS because this moment would have been lessened for us Unsullied–but Jon isn’t here to bend a knee. We get a back and forth about who killed whose family more, and Dany ends it with an apology. Pretty classy, Khaleesi. I appreciate your growth, m’lady.

Daenerys Targaryen Dragonstone

She looks so regal here. Also, have I mentioned how much I love the look of Dragonstone? Everything about it? I do.

If he bends the knee, she’ll name him Warden of the North. The earlier Targaryen-Starks were pretty great at running the show. So? How about it?

Jon: Yeah, no. I’m here for a tit-for-tat scenario only.
Dany: Bitch have you seen my armies? The ones who took your weapons?
Jon: Armies kill regular citizens. I think you don’t want to do that. Also, let me explain Hardhome and everything that is genuinely terrifying.
Tyrion: …no shit?
Jon: No shit.
Dany: Allow me to reclaim my time. Here, listen to me give a magnificent goddamn speech about why I’m awesome and tough and how I can’t remember a fraction of the men who have wronged me. Also, let me explain the faith I have in myself.
Jorah, crying out though he knows not why: KHALEESI!
Dany: Bend the knee.
Davos: HEY YOU TWO ARE OPPOSITES SIDES OF THE SAME COIN. Even I don’t know why, but damn, the parallels, you two! IT’S ALMOST LIKE YOU ARE FIRE AND ICE, no that doesn’t make sense, let me think of something else…

I really loved Jon talking to Dany as an equal, but with respect. I think she liked it, too, even if she was mad that he wasn’t falling in line. Fortunately, Varys shows up to change the subject. He has grave news: that Euron has sunk her battleships and killed everyone on board.

Theon: NOT EVERYONE!

Shit, Theon gets captured and pulled from the ocean by Ironborn soldiers. Crap. But then, what could be worse than what Ramsay did to him?

DID I JUST DO THAT? Crap. Horror movie rule, broken. I just got Theon killed, I’m afraid. MY BAD, YOU GUYS.

EDIT: Have since learned it was Yara’s men and not Euron’s, so it’s not quite as bad as I feared. Whew!

Euron Greyjoy King's Landing

This guy acts like he’s the new face of Swagger Ball Cologne [cologne for your balls] even though he didn’t get the official callback from his agent.

Euron, meanwhile, rides into King’s Landing with his dick swinging so hard, the first two rows of onlookers get knocked over with every stride. He drags Yara and Ellaria (and daughter) on a rope as a gift for Cersei. He’s loving it. Yara, it must be stated, is stone-cold, wearing her bravest damn Ironborn-face. It’s a damn hero’s welcome Euron receives and it’s gross. He’s a wonk. (He’s an an enjoyable wonk to watch. I just don’t want to date him or, you know, root for him.)

Euron clearly knows the way to a Cersei’s heart: revenge and petty passive-aggressive cuts as she agrees to marry him… when the war is won. Plenty of time for him to be killed in battle, I suppose? I do have to admit that Euron is sassy AF. And the blood vessel in Jaime Lannister’s forehead is clearly about to blow as Euron taunts him about Cersei. Euron can’t be long for this world, with all that posturing. Right? He’s having too much fun to last much longer.

Also having fun… Cersei super enjoys verbally torturing Ellaria about [—WHITE NOISE—]. I’m sorry, did someone I love die horribly? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Game Announcer Voice: It’s time to play a game of Daughter! For! Daughter!! In one corner we have an angry bitter woman and in the other, an… angrier, more bitter woman! They’re both rash, they’re both slightly unhinged, but one is in chains and the other is wearing uncharacteristic lipstick!

…lipstick. OH SHIT. Literally tit-for-tat here as Cersei exacts her revenge. At least it wasn’t something really horrible like long torture or… you know. It seems that Ellaria’s punishment is Cersei’s: Sit and watch her children die, consider all her bad choices, and live, trapped. Wait, no, it’s worse: she’s leaving her daughter’s corpse in there to rot for as long as Ellaria lives.

Damn. (My hat’s off to Lena because this was a masterful scene, if dark as hell.)

Cersei Lannister GoT meme

Cersei gets her revenge

Cersei celebrates this W by trying to dry hump her brother, who gives a clear no, but doesn’t mean it, and this is why we get mad at you, Show. Don’t perpetuate that– oh shit, she’s going down on Jaime? Nice buns, bro. He got that booty that bounce.

I AM ONLY HUMAN. SORRY. GOD.

But also stop that dubious-consent shit, Show.

Cersei has no issue with her people seeing her and Jaime naked in bed, and woman? Camera Three.

CERSEI RACHEL MICHELLE BARATHEON LANNISTER. This is why you keep being bested. Your dad was right. You’re not as smart as you think. Protect yo neck, ya dope!

The Iron Bank shows up for brunch (screw rules of brunch, Cersei skips mimosas and goes straight to a flagon of burgundy, but that doesn’t work with field grains and egg white omelets, please. At least try a nice viognier). Long and short of it, lots of wars, no gold in Gringotts, dragons to the south, enemies to the north, a Townie panting at her heels…

See, but Cersei knows how to work a bank manager. House Lannister are blue chips and FAANG stocks and the Gold Standard wrapped up in one, and the guy is quite impressed. A Lannister always pays her debts. But will she? CAN she?

Back in Dragonstone, Tyrion and Jon have a private talk.

Jon: I’m a prisoner here at “Plum Island Animal Disease Research Center.” It’s… charming
Tyrion: That’s only a part of the island! There’s a very, very nice beach. You’re free to swim on the beach for 15 minutes under… armed supervision.
Jon: [raises eyebrow]
Tyrion: …terns nest here? Look, you need to support Dany and you need to do that first. Then we’ll help with…whatever you claim is happening up north.
Jon: How about first you help me with dragonglass? My smiths need to level up to Expert straightaway.
Tyrion: I’ll see what I can do.

Things I liked: Jon’s honest state of panic and worry over how to solve the problem. He’s a good guy and he’s trying to do the right thing, but I think he’s going to be better than Ned’s “good guy” tendencies. I also like Tyrion really doing his best as the Hand, and again, he’s really good at his job. Varys was right.

Funny #4: Tyrion passing off a previous statement to Dany as a “Confucius said…” or written by anonymous sort of thing. Ha.

Tyrion does convince Dany to let Jon have it, and then… IT HAPPENS. JON/DAENERYS, alone, talking. Well, not Jon/Daenerys in fanfiction/shipping sense, but they have a one-on-one, an honest exchange of words. It starts off with Dany talking about her endangered-species pets, and I wanted Jon to mention his miracle Direwolves, but life won’t give me everything I want. Dany, however, will give Jon the ability to mine dragonglass, so that’s something.

In Winterfell, SHOCKER, Littlefinger creeps around Sansa, who is busy being the Wardenness of the North, organizing food and supplies for the Long Winter. She’s very good at this job, I must say, and Baelish has to adjust his trousers with every command she gives and he’s so obvious. Blech. (I love the actor, I love hating the character. Don’t @ me.)

Sansa Stark Baelish Littlefinger

I want her to lay waste to this man in the perfect way teen girls do. With that dead-ass, half-lidded stare of judgment and disinterest and a well placed, “…cool.”

Sansa SNARK is who I live for at this moment when she shuts down his “salient wisdom” that is a whole lot of “NO SHIT, BRO. CERSEI BAD. RIGHT. I KNOW.” Baelish tries to sexily-mumble a “constant vigilance” speech, but it’s so Schroedinger’s Battle I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re in a box. You’re out of the box. You’re in a battle. You’re nowhere near the battle. You love mead but you hate mead and get hives when you smell it. EVERYONE WANTS YOU DEAD. NO. EVERYONE IS DEAD IT IS YOU WHO ARE ALIVE. Also, kiss me.”

Sansa: …I’m good.
Me: ARE YOU?
MUSIC CUE.
Bran: ‘SUP SIS????
Me: I AM NOT OKAY. I AM WONDERFUL. I AM CRYING. STAAAAAARKS! But shit, did Bran get Mega-Botox? BITCH, MY LIFE FOR AN EXPRESSION ON YOUR FACE, EMO KID.

Okay, Bran has clearly had the feelings Hodor’d out. He’s suuuuuuper chill. After all, he’s the Three Eyed Raven. He explains what it means, and ends with, “This is what it sounds like… when doves cry.” [sexy electric piano lick]

Guys? I really don’t want to know that Bran watched Sansa get raped in his tree root-mind’s eye. Girl, your little brother got WEIRD. I guess we needed this to show that he’s beyond mortal man or something? Ugh, shiver me timbers.

Jorah, meanwhile, has been totally debrided and gets a checkup from Maester Slughorn.

He’s as rough-looking as a plucked chicken, but no visible greyscale! The audible joy in his voice as he says he’s feeling spry and ready to travel left me:

Jorah is still in some pain, but the brisket dry-rub after the burnt ends were cut off seems to have worked! Not… that the Archmaester needs to know anything about that. Cough. Jorah protects Sam by saying the rest and the climate and cutting all gluten helped him out.

SNITCHES GET STITCHES, and Jorah’s had enough of surgery, thank you very much. Please put on clean, infection-free clothing, Jorah, because cholera is making a come-back, and there are some open wounds still yet to heal, my love.

This bill of good health means my beloved Jorah “throatily replied” Mormont is off to his Khaleesi? RIGHT? Not going to lie, Sam offering his hand choked me up. JORAH HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU WERE TOUCHED? Call me and tell me all about it. #DontMakeItWeird.

I KEPT THINKING OF THIS because let’s face it, I’m always thinking of Jorah. Okay, not ALWAYS. Sometimes I have to drive my car or do math. BUT IS THIS JUST AFTER THE LAST TIME HE WAS TOUCHED WITH KINDNESS?!!??! [gross sobbing]

Samwell Gamgee Red Leader Porkins Tarly is a good. [more sobs] But… of course Sam gets found out. I mean, miracles, schmiracles, and these are learned men. Fortunately Archmaester just wants to know how the hell Sam did it. And… also to give Sam a job that’s rather tedious. But hey, he didn’t get worse: [Hermione Granger voice] expelled.

Best answer ever to how he managed it: “I read the book and followed the instructions?” So… healing is more like baking and not cooking. (That makes sense to a handful of you, and I love you all.)

Dany wants Euron’s men dead. She wants his ships burned to the ground. Maybe it’s time to fly the dragons out? She’s too precious to ride alone, so… are we going to see one of her men (Tyrion???) fly a dragon? GUYS. Guys.

But first, we’re going to get a fucking badass shot of Casterly Rock in an awesome sequence that is rewarded by multiple views, wow. Okay. Tyrion reminds us all that the Lannisters know what they’re doing. The siege gets underway and it’s intense with a lot of Unsullied being killed. But is it real? No, it’s what is expected, oh ho ho!

Tyrion, that brilliant mother fucker, knows the way in: the sewers. I loved this call-back to Blackwater, not going to lie. Tyrion has sent the Unsullied in the secret entryway that he devised way back when. Holy. Shit. It’s amazing. It’s utter chaos right at the start, but the Unsullied are kicking ass and taking names. But we all want to know that Grey Worm made it: AND HE DID. For now.

“Give me ten good men and I’ll impregnate the bitch.” Okay, who said this? Am I blocking something we’ve seen in a previous episode?

More important: It’s easy to overtake Casterly Rock because… where are the rest of the men? Aw, crap buckets, on the water. Not Lannister men, it’s Euron’s fleet. WHAAAAAAAAT?? The rest of the Lannister troops, and wolf balls, there are a LOT, are with Jaime on the march. And ha, we knew Tarley would pick Jaime, and there he is, the little climber, riding with Bronn behind Jaime as they approach High Garden. …SHIT.

Lady Olenna House Tyrell

I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS. Well shot, organized, etc. but OLENNA!!

LADY OLENNA. And of course, the Rains of Castamere plays, and I’m in tears. OLENNA!!! We knew it had to come; she had nothing left and was getting reckless and even more bloodthirsty than before.

Jaime storms her chambers.

Olenna: It’s done.
Jaime: It is.
Olenna: “And now the rains weep o’er our halls.” Did we fight well?

(After all, they’re a bunch of pretty boys and loosey-goosey ladies who love boning and lemon cakes, which is why I loved them. GOALS, honestly.)

Jaime: …as well as can be expected.

THE KINDEST OF BURNS.

Jaime outplayed Tyrion, and that’s no small feat. Jaime learned this little tactic from Robb Stark, actually. And Cersei is smart, because Olenna has the money and the food. And now the Lannisters have it. Damn.

Funny #5: Olenna saying of Joffrey, “He really was a cunt, wasn’t he?”

A tip of my hat to Olenna, for that and for setting Jaime on the path to truly hating his sister, no small task. Thin line, you guys. Thiiiiin line between love and hate.

“[Cersei] is a disease. I regret helping spread it.” Olenna isn’t infallible, though. She doesn’t want a degrading death if she can help it, and Jaime proves he isn’t a monster. He offers her poison in a glass of wine, a painless death. She sucks it down like a fine Cabernet and like she’s me after two days without a glass of wine LOOK I HAVE A HARD LIFE LET ME LIVE. God damn, I love Olenna.

She goes out with some parting shots about King Weaselteat’s death and how she was behind it. OH. SNAP.

“Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me.”

Olenna Tyrell Jaime Lannister

COMPLETELY OUT OF FUCKS.

Question: who thinks Jaime has any enamel left on his teeth after that grinding session while Olenna delivered her parting shots? God, I’m surprised he didn’t gut her right there. A body has its limits, is all. She fucking PWNS him in her own DEATH. #LifeGoalsAF

Also: That poison doesn’t really work too fast, eh? She got a lot out and we still didn’t see her fall (to which I’m grateful).

God, there was a lot of story in this episode. No fat, all meat. I’m sure there will be people who didn’t like it, but Christ, do they like anything? Puppies? Ice cream on a hot day? Ramsay’s face eaten by dogs? TAKE PLEASURE IN THE SIMPLE THINGS.

I’m almost breathless with how fast-paced this ep was, and it wasn’t short for crying out loud. Are we all on the same page? Are we all just hanging on to our seats? Four more episodes, and I am just happy to be on this ride, honestly.

REMINDER: No. Book. Talk. Everyone around here is mostly an old timer and you know the score, and I love you all. If you’re new, it doesn’t matter if you like it or not (just find another site to comment on, if you simply must discuss the books). Here we talk about what has aired and nothing else, and I forehead kiss each and every one of you who respects the rule. Now: WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THIS EPISODE? Who has a realty license who can help me move to Dragonstone ASAP?

And if you’d like to follow me on Twitter, please do!

NEXT EPISODE, RIGHT HERE! The Spoils Of War

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  • menomegirl

    “Give me ten good men and I’ll impregnate the bitch.” is a quote from Bronn, speaking to Tyrion as they were riding to the Eyrie (sp?) while Tyrion was a captive of Catelyn Stark back in season 1.

    • Lyanna Mormont

      Yeah, this. So many Season 1 callbacks lately!

    • Oh, thanks for that!

  • Zack

    Ew, right there with you on Bran/Sansa talk about that wedding night. Just tell her about Jon! GAH

    My favorite bits were Dany convos, first with Davos then with Jon. I always have been impressed at Davos’ skill at convincing people to get on board with leaders he thought worthy. And I loled hard at Missandei introducing Dany with the usual incessant titling, and Davos just being ‘This is Jon.’

    Gotta pour one out for QoT. Hell of a character, way to go out with the last laugh. Dame Diana Rigg, thanks for that performance!

    And please, let Grey Worm survive and get back to Missandei. I might die of worry.

    • Lyanna Mormont

      No, Bran needs to tell Jon about Jon before he tells anyone else!

      Ditto on the rest, though.

      • Zack

        Hahahah. Yes, of course, you’re right. /sheepish

        Jon deserves that, it is his life.

    • I NEED GREY WORM TO BE WHOLE TOOOOOO. I need — NEED — him to hang up his spear at the end of this and live happily ever after with his brilliant ambassador wife. NEED.

  • Andy Street

    Wow. It’s all going wrong for Dany, isn’t it? Three episodes in and she’s lost most of her allies. Tyrion’s plan seemed so sensible and well thought out on paper but I suppose he did learn it all from books whilst Jaime IS an experienced military commander after all. I actually like that he has learned a lot from being kicked up and down the Riverlands by Robb Stark.

    Olenna’s going to be a real miss. It’s good that she was able to die like she lived with one last mic drop. At least Jaime now knows for certain that it wasn’t Tyrion that killed his son. I don’t suppose Cersei will care, she hated Tyrion anyway, but perhaps eventually they can be bros again?

    Sansa is doing well, getting stuff organised like a boss. Her reunion with creepy traumatised sibling #1 was odd, though. Brann wasn’t that weird and emotionless last time we spent any time with him. Littlefinger is delighted that he’s no longer topping the ‘creepiest man in Sansa’s life’ charts. Climbing the ranks, bitches! Wonder what’s specifically is in his browser history that he doesn’t want Sansa to find out about? Presumably Lysa’s letter to Cat from all the way back in episode 1?

    Jon is really bad at actually articulating the threat from the Nights King. It’s just not his thing, he s more the stoic taciturn sort, but it’s really unhelpful. I am relieved that they seem to be going for the mutual respect thing between Jon and Dany. I was worried that they would take the easy path of shipping and sexual tension. I am really hoping the show won’t be so obvious as to go down that route, especially since they are totally not each other’s type. She’s into swaggering completely inappropriate douchebags that she will later deeply regret (like Daario or Euron Greyjoy, come to think of it) and he’s into people who spend 90% of their time belittling his intelligence despite not knowing what a windmill is. Also they are pretty close blood relatives…

    • Lyanna Mormont

      Based on past history, Jon might be into Yara, actually, if she’d still been around when he got there… And Dany might go for Bronn.

      Yeah, no, not going there, too weird.

      • Olive

        I can see Jon going for Yara, now that she’s been established as more or less bi. Or, come to think of it…Margaery? *weeps for what might have been*

        • Lilley Berrington

          John would never be able to deal with Margaery’s underhandedness. She’s basically a young Cersei. Although I seem to remember Kit Harington saying he’d marry Cersei and kill Jaime in an interview when they asked him to play kiss/marry/kill.

    • I feel like if Jon had said ZOMBIE GIANTS and SKELETONS FLINGING THEMSELVES OFF CLIFFS AND STILL COMING they may have listened, but then, I also assume that was in the old stories about the White Walkers…

      Ha, the shipping thing. That’s people with a week on their hands between episodes! I don’t get anything shippy about what happened with them, either. :D

      • Dennai

        Ice Spiders, that would do the trick. Of course, Jon hasn’t seen any, but you know, sell the product, man.

        P.s. Come to think about it, he hasn’t seen Zombie Giants either.

    • Lilley Berrington

      Cersei might have cared if it wasn’t for Tyrion backing Dany. She’ll fixate on that if she doesn’t have the “he killed my son” thing.
      LF doesn’t want Sansa to find out he betrayed her father, I think.
      I still reckon Dany and John could work as a ship. Pushing the incest aside for a minute, Dany also thinks she’s above John. Fine; she’s not a redhead, but she’s firey enough for him and he’s… um… weird enough for her. Prettyboy or not, Dany likes teaming up with the men who she can’t completely dominate, it would seem.

      • Dennai

        Why some people keeps talking about incest when contemplating a possible Dany and Jon relationship? It is not, and this applies to the Jonsa scenario too. Blue-blooded cousins, nieces and nephews had been marrying each other for centuries across Europe and, indeed, Westeros. In this cultural context, incest is limited to parents with offsprings and siblings with each other.

        • Lyanna Mormont

          In the case of Jon and Sansa, it’s definitely incest – they’re siblings. Not genetically, but they grew up as siblings, they think of each other as siblings, which means they ARE siblings. Saying they’re not is like saying adoption doesn’t count – because that’s essentially what Ned did, adopted Jon, just without the paperwork.

          • Dennai

            If we are talking from a moral point of view, I agree. But legally, there’s no impediment. And shippers can always argue that because Jon and Sansa grew up somehow stranded, they never felt as brothers anyway.
            For the record, I am 100% with you with respect to Jon and Sansa, but I were to play devil’s advocate I could bring devastating arguments to the cause, specially if I use the books info. I could open a threat in WoW if you aare interested in the conversation, but I think it would be empty talk anyway since I don’t believe the show will go there.

            • BUT YOU WON’T, RIGHT? BECAUSE OF RULES?? (And thankee kindly for biting your tongue on book talk.)

              • Dennai

                As I said, it I were to expand the argument it would be in WotW, not only for the rules (regarding book stuff), but because consideration to your readers. They come here to discuss the episode and sexual/romantic relationship between the aforemention people are not part of this episode. A threat in a forum is the proper place since you only go there if you are specifically interested in the matter.

                • You are just the sweetest. Thanks so much for honoring the spirit of this site.

          • Oh, yes. Jon/Sansa. But the topic was Dany and Jon. So no one is contemplated or stating anything ugly about adoption and the status in a person’s family, because I wouldn’t allow it! (smooooch)

        • Lilley Berrington

          Well, John being Dany’s nephew has a bit of a creep factor. Maybe it would feel different to me if they were cousins. Though I don’t think Dany would mind too much since her parents were brother and sister. Not sure how John would see it though.

          • Dennai

            Well, it’s not creepy to me but then again, I’ll give much more value to heart bound than blood bounds. Neither Jon nor Dany ever met Rhaegar or Lyanna. Both of them grew up completely apart and in completely different circunstances and they come to met as grown up people of a similar age.
            I see much more creepiness in Littlefinger’s infatuation with Catelyn since they grew up under the same roof (or Lysa’s with him, same reasons). Don’t get me even started with Jon and Sansa (or Arya for that matter).

            • Lanie

              I agree. Also ever since Jon and Sansa’s emotional reunion last season way too many people are shipping them….WTF is wrong with people???

              • Lilley Berrington

                In a show where incest has clearly been established as a thing, whether one agrees or disagrees with it, it isn’t impossible. I’m personally not a John/Sansa shipper, but don’t know if I’d go as far as judging people if they were. I, on the other hand, don’t like how people immediately assume romance when a man and woman become friends and learn to care for each other, such as in the Jaime/Brienne case. It completely obscures the depth of relationships and reduces all relationships between men and women to one dimensional sensationalist fairytales. But getting back to this episode specifically, I appreciate that they didn’t make the John/Dany meeting exactly that. Instead they focused on John and Dany’s political personas and their growing respect.

    • Zack

      That was another thing I’m appreciating about this episode/season. It was starting to feel like the deck was really stacked in Dany’s favor. Highgarden, Dorne, the Ironborn, three dragons, an Unsullied army AND a Dothraki horde? That’s a bit much.

      To so efficiently clear several of those pieces off the game board (-and- foreshadow something awful happening to the dragons in KL) is really good TV IMO. You don’t want the good guys’ victory to be too certain.

      • Andy Street

        True. ‘Evil always triumphs in the middle’. Who said that? It sounds like a Terry Pratchettism but I can’t place it…

        • Dennai

          One wise man once said it.

    • moata

      While watching that whole Jon and Tyrion “why doesn’t anyone believe me about the distant, esoteric threat” scene I had a terrible “Oh god this is Climate Change and humanity is doomed” moment.
      Haha! Always with the escapist fun, GoT!

      • D Y I N G.

        But that’s the thing that makes the show so great (which I know you know). It’s not some “distant time” that is disconnected from humanity today. This shit is still relevant.

  • Lyanna Mormont

    Holy crap, the dialogue writers were on fire for this episode! The camera work wasn’t half bad, either. And of course the acting…
    Tyrion and Jon, meeting for the first time since Season 1. Man, this season is just going to be full of moments like that, isn’t it?
    Tyrion: Sansa’s smarter than she lets on.
    Jon: She’s starting to let on.
    Tyrion: Good.
    Jeez, brown pants moment when the dragon strafed them. (I bet it’s not often Tyrion gets to lean down and offer someone a hand up. Nice moment.) And man, Dany understands the value of first impressions – that shot of her on the throne as Jon approaches slowly across the giant throne room…
    Missandei: You stand before Daenerys Targaryen, the Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, Mother of Dragons, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains.
    Davos: This is Jon Snow. … He’s the King in the North.
    (Reminds me of Jon and Mance back in Season 4, when Mance talked about Mag the King of the Giants and Jon replied that Grenn was from a farm.)
    Davos: Also, he’s given Everything to protect his people. He got stabbed in the heart and ki…
    Jon: *glares at Davos*
    Davos: Shutting up now.
    Dany, later: Stabbed in the heart, huh? Wonder what that’s about…
    Shoutout to Torrhen Stark, the King Who Knelt!
    I’m not sure if Theon was captured, or if that was one of the few of Yara’s ships who escaped? They did seem like they were primarily concerned with where she was and what happened to her, so…
    Man, Euron is good at what he does – swagger, brag, suck up to some people and deliberately annoy others. He just doesn’t care, as long as he gets to have his fun. It’s just that his idea of fun is… truly disturbing. (He dragged Yara away in chains, nooooooo.)
    Oh, man, Ellaria. This whole thing is so – it’s gleeful torture, but you can see why Cersei considers it justice. (The Queen’s Justice, hello episode title!) And that last shot of Ellaria and Tyene straining towards each other but their chains are just a Little too short for them to even hold each other… I’ve never cared much for Show Tyene, but the look on her face as she was dragged through the streets – you could just tell that she’s never faced anything like that before. She’s always been one of the Sand Snakes, always the daughter of Prince Oberyn Fucking Martell, always had her mother to support her if she needed it. And now…
    Okay, that woman seeing Jaime in Cersei’s bed? It’s got to come back to haunt them. Probably right as Cersei thinks she’s won.
    Iron Bank scene – can’t comment, book nerd in me would take over. (Theshowisnotthebooks, theshowisnotthebooks.) I so deserve a gold star for this, I want you to know!
    Tyrion: I was going to brood, but you do it so much better than me. I feel inadequate when it comes to brooding.
    (Every Viewer Everywhere: HA!)
    Jon: *broods some more, hoping for more compliments*
    Tyrion: Starks don’t belong in the South. But I’ll see if I can help a little bit. Also, grumkins and snarks, maybe, but I don’t really want to meet a Boojum.
    Dany: Fine. Have some dragonglass. Then once I’ve defeated Cersei I’ll get back to you and we’ll discuss the whole kneeling thing again.
    (Slight misstep here: Dany mentions Jon losing two brothers. But as far as anyone else knows, he’s lost three – Robb, Bran and Rickon. Still, nice lead-in to the next segment.)
    Yes, this is Sansa in her element. Leave the leading of armies to Jon, Sansa will make sure they’re equipped to fight.
    Suddenly, a wild Bran appears!
    Okay, I had tears in my eyes, I won’t pretend I didn’t. And Christ, Bran looks so old here. Remember that cute little scamp climbing the walls of Winterfell in the first episode? Yeah, he’s not here anymore. His dead-eyed stare is creepy, and I can’t blame Sansa AT ALL for vamoosing when he starts talking about her wedding day – but it makes me realize just what it means when Bran says he sees Everything.
    When Bran went North of the Wall, Robb and Catelyn were still alive. He’s seen the Red Wedding. He’s seen Jon get stabbed to death by his own men. He’s seen everything Sansa’s gone through. He’s seen Arya killing Freys and baking them into a pie to serve to their father, and then poisoning a whole roomful of people. He’s seen Rickon shot down as he ran towards Jon. He’s seen Every-Damn-Thing, and probably all in a very short span of time, and right after Hodor’s death. (Hodor!) It’s no wonder he’s gone a bit numb – it was that or fall apart, and he can’t fall apart because he has to save the world first…
    Okay then, Jorah’s been cured. Or HAS HE? I dunno, it just seems too easy, and I get suspicious of anything like that. I’m not at all sure the greyscale thing is over – and that makes me very uneasy to see Sam and Jorah shake hands. Don’t you go giving my Sam greyscale, Jorah! He’s going to be one of the people left standing after the Apocalypse so he can be the Realm’s Memory and rebuild everything! Because I said so!
    Tyrion/secret passage OTP! Also, of course Tywin set Tyrion to managing the sewers. That Dad of the Year Award is still in the mail, Tywin. Not because there’s anything wrong with managing sewers, or teaching your son the importance of doing less glamorous jobs, but because he did it as an insult. (I bet Jaime and Cersei never had to even think about a sewer.)
    You know, their Casterly Rock is what I’d expect Highgarden to look like, and their Highgarden is more like what I’d expect Casterly Rock to look like.
    Oh, Olenna. Fare thee well. I hope you give Tywin twice as much hell in the afterlife as you did in this life (if you do see him again), I hope you and Margaery take over the hereafter with soft power and snarky comments, I hope you get to see Loras and Renly happy together, and I hope Mace’s singing and speechifying is a welcome sound to your ears. Goodbye, only matriarch in the entire Seven Kingdoms. You went out with a poisonous retort, and made us all relive Joffrey’s death while you were at it. Fare thee well, Queen of Thorns.

    • magnusk_98

      Yeah, Sam needs to be known in future legends as Sam the Builder. :)

      And, also, yes, throw those infected clothes away, Jorah. My gawds, ewww. I don’t believe the greyscale is still there, though. That would diminish Sams achievement (Greyscale Healer, 10 pts) and also there just doesn’t seem to be time anymore for that kind of sub-plot, given the narrative pace we are on.

      • Lanie

        Agreed. Also right now Dany seems to be running out of allies….Given the pace of the show maybe next ep will show Jorah arriving in Dragonstone!

    • Oh, I didn’t even think about the lovely moment that is Tyrion offering a hand up to Jon, great catch! Dany and Tyrion are always shot on equal footing, so I’ve totally missed that. TYRION IS A GIANT IN MY MIND.

      • Ana G

        I didn’t catch that either! But it is a lovely touch. And his dynamic with Jon is great, Tyrion shines most when he’s with people that treat him like an equal (Jon, Dany, Bronn, Jaime…..)

    • Ana G

      “Dany, later: Stabbed in the heart, huh? Wonder what that’s about…” I am waiting for that payoff!
      Maybe Melisandre’s foreshadowed triumphant return will lead to a reveal?
      Or sexy scar touching? (I’m not a DanyxJon shipper but the show seems to be heading that way….)

      • Right? Like, does that mean she’ll NOT trust him because he was undead, or will she fist bump him because she is Unburnt? TIME WILL TELL.

    • Lilley Berrington

      Actually, if you have time, would you mind describing Casterly Rock and Highgarden to me?

      • Lyanna Mormont

        In the show, in the books, or in my mind? Because we haven’t actually seen them in the books, just heard them described, and The World of Ice and Fire has more details.

        But basically, I pictured Casterly Rock as a militaristic utilitarian fortress (it’s supposed to actually be a rock, hollowed out from centuries of mining for gold, where people are now living) while Highgarden is a fancy castle with turrets and white walls and huge gardens, all romantic-medieval.

        • Lilley Berrington

          Well we can’t go with the books here. But how it was portrayed in the show?

        • magnusk_98
          • Lilley Berrington

            My screenreader can’t seem to interpret the images. :-( Could someone please describe briefly how the show depicted them, in text?

            • The first image is an artist’s rendition of Casterly Rock. It’s a monolithic sandstone cliff face, looming high into a setting sun, amplifying the orange color of the sandstone that makes the rock. It’s imposing in its height and imposing size. At the peak is a tower jutting out of the rock. At sea level, there are three large tunnels.

              The second image is also an imagined drawing of Highgarden. It’s almost Disney-like with multiple turrets, bright green and gold flags waving in a breeze. The wide, white castle sits atop a gorgeously landscaped hillside with shrub mazes and hanging gardens. The whole scene is drenched in sunlight and resembles a fairy tale.

              The SHOW, however, depicted Casterly Rock as a large, broad white tower near the sea, but set back on a flat, green field. The same for Highgarden, but we saw far less of that castle. The show gave us an interior room where Lady Olenna sat, waiting.

              I hope this helps!

              Reminder to folks scrolling along that some of our fellow participants are visually or hearing impaired, a point I bring up to explain certain requests! (I have Deaf followers on Twitter who make requests for things not transcribed fully, for example.)

              • Lilley Berrington

                Lovely descriptions! I don’t often come across people that do it that well. :-) Thanks. Lol; I suppose I should have clarified why I wanted text descriptions.

  • magnusk_98

    Damn it, but that was a good episode. Maybe it was me, but the Cersei/Ellaria thing got daaaaaaaaark in a way which only came about a few times in the series. Bloody hell. Hard to watch and drawn out as well.

    I didn’t expect Bran to be so emotionless. Poor Meera didn’t even get a thank you from Sansa for lugging him a few hundred miles, tshtsh.

    The first meeting between Dany and Jon went okay. I honestly think that they shot Dany looking a bit manic for her first sentences, but maybe that was just my impression. She certainly didn’t waste time trying to establish her dominance, but then again Jon is the first lord of Westeros she has met (aside from Tyrion, who came to her under special circumstances) and she probably has dreamt for years about how she was going to give them what for about her life struggles. Too bad that everybody who is directly responsible for her exile is dead by now. ^^ Randall Tarly seems to be the only one left of that generation.

    But after that initial tense meeting, Dany and Jon have come to a temporary compromise and that’s a first stepping stone to greater things.

    My, I can only wonder what would have happened if Melisandre would not have stepped out and avoided another meeting with Davos.

    And, wow, the writers are having Dany and her advisors being outplayed twice in a row now. That’s an inauspicious start for an invasion, make no doubt about it. Tyrion should feel that his hand-ship is a bit unsteady now, given how he has been her principal advisor. We’ll see how they turn this around.

    Next episode I presume Arya will have made it to Winterfell, given that she started her journey then two episodes ago. Looking forward to that reunion, hope it goes a bit more emotional than Sansas and Brans! :)

    • Was it just me, or did Meera look a bit put out, like, “HEY, REALLY TIRED AND LOST MY BROTHER, BUT COOL, COOL, GLAD YOU’RE HOME NO NEED TO INTRODUCE ME OR GET ME A FREAKING CAP…”

      I… you thought Dany looked manic in those scenes? Huh. Okay.

      I’m seriously nervous about how Dany and her advisors are getting played because I didn’t think Cersei had the smarts, honestly. On the other hand, Dany has just rolled in, for the most part, and taken over. I think it’s needed to show this won’t be easy by any stretch.

      I am going to be a HOT MESS when Arya and Sansa meet again, if that ever HAPPENS.

      • debijl

        I wonder if Bran will send Meera home to her father or if she has a larger role to play, other than sled dog. Better, if her father comes to winterfell to fetch her….he has some stories to tell!
        Also, Lena Headey was particularly amazing tonight. How she has never won an emmy for this role is beyond me.

        As for shipping, I’m still in on Brienne/Jamie and Arya/Gendry tho both seem unlikely in the 10 episodes we have left in this series. Tho I have no objections to Tormund being Brienne’s “bit of rough” until Jaime shows up. :)

        • Holy smokes, Lena HASN’T won an Emmy yet, huh? WOW. Wow. A grave injustice.

          I’m there with you on the ships. (All of them.) Haha

          • Brienne of Tarth

            Lena hasn’t and Alfie Allen hasn’t and I have thoughts about that.

            • I BET I SHARE THOSE THOUGHTS. [Wayne’s World voice:] DE-NIED!

            • Jean, Giver of Jewelry

              Yes, and now add Gemma to that list.

        • Lyanna Mormont

          Jaime/Brienne/Tormund OT3!

          Yeah, Lena Headey should win everything ever. The things she can say with the quirk of an eyebrow or a curl of the lip…

          • Dennai

            The moment she said “Why did you do that to me?” is a monument to the art of performance. For a second there, she shows herself as a vulnerable broken thing and then, composes herself and gets steely again. Amazing.

            • Jean, Giver of Jewelry

              Yes, Lena Heady is truly amazing in that moment. I also love the way she looked when Euron threw Ellaria and Tyene at her feet. She kept her facial expression still, but her chest gave away that she was breathing heavily with excitement!

            • Lanie

              Agreed. Lena was phenomenal in that scene. She is more than deserving of an Emmy.

      • Lyanna Mormont

        Arya, Sansa, AND Bran in the same room! And Jon returning before long (assuming Dany lets him go)! I mean, that’s all our surviving Starklets potentially together soon…

      • magnusk_98

        I only thought Dany was shot with a weirdly intense facial expression for the first few sentences of her first conversation with Jon. It disappeared as soon as they changed the camera angle, so maybe it was just my imagination or maybe it was intentional. As I said, it’s her first turn to interact with an Westerosi lord and maybe, because of what happened to her family back then, she expected Jon to breath fire or something like that. :p

      • Andy Street

        Hah! Someone needs to at least get Meera a nice hot bath and maybe a cup of tea…

      • Jean, Giver of Jewelry

        Yes, if the next episode doesn’t show poor Meera all rested with her hair done, a lovely dress on, and sipping a glass of wine, I will revolt!

    • Lilley Berrington

      Lol! I think John did consider her attempts to establish dominance a waste of time. He practically said so. Can’t blame her for not immediately buying the random monsters-in-the-north threat thing yet though.

    • Lanie

      I am so looking forward to that reunion!! Bad Wolf Bran was too cold. Hopefully Arya’s time with the FM hasn’t made her cold too. I want a reunion like we got with Sansa and Jon!

  • moata

    Whelp thanks to this recap I now have a new Make Good Choices Barometer: ie would I get a Camera Three/Both Middle Names cutaway because of this?
    But back to the episode in question. Fave moments –
    – Dany’s side-eye when Tyrion unconvincingly pretended to have the wisdom of the ages (Dany is clearly getting wise to Tyrion’s way, and that talking is what he’s good at. But maybe she needs more of a “doer” approach?)
    – Sansa being a Boss.
    – The insight into Littlefinger’s psychology/psychopathy. If this is truly what his brain is like then I almost feel sorry for him. But not really.
    – Lady Oleanna asking about Joffrey’s sword’s name and calling him a big old C word. I recall the Hound saying something similar about people who name their swords. Very different people, but similarly unequivocal in their disregard for most people.

    During the exchange between Jaime and Oleanna you could see that Jaime knew the truth of what the Tyrell matriarch was saying, but then, he’s known this for some time. At least as far back as his friendship with Brienne he’s realised how toxic Cersei is but I think it’s only now he’s starting to give up on the idea of there being a “happily ever after” for them. And just when I start to feel sorry for Jaime I remember he’s the guy who pushed a little boy out of a tower window. Because everyone in this show is problematic, pretty much.

    • The building/growing/maturing relationship between Tyrion and Dany is just wonderful to behold, and not just because Tyrion finally has people in his life who respect and like him (but it’s a lot about that, too).

      Jaime keeps having to defend the fact that he loves a horrible person. The thing is, the horrible person he fell in love with in the beginning is FAR MORE horrible now, and he is NOT the horrible person he was in the beginning. It feels like it’s becoming more of a reflex to say he loves her rather than him truly expressing what he wants. (And ha, yeah, it’s not like he’s a truly GOOD man. But he’s gotten much further along on his redemption arc than I would have guessed possible.)

      • Lilley Berrington

        I honestly still can’t see why people are so stuck on this idea of Jaime’s redemption arc. I just see him allowing himself to be manipulated by whomever he’s with. When he’s with Cersei, he’s ever faithful, loving her no matter what, defending her because she only does what every other ruler does. When he’s with Brienne, he’s all “I’m honorable; against the rape of women, leaving people to be murdered etc. Not like he’s ever raped a woman or pushed a child out the window… right? Why do we make exceptions for him, but Cersei’s the most evil bitch in existence? Of course, Cersei was forced not to be a fighter like Brienne and Arya when she clearly wanted to be, has been sold to an abusive king who makes no secret of the fact that he loves a dead woman and all his whores more than her, has lost all her children whom she loved (regardless that two of them were total shits towards her), and has had to deal with the threat of war and what it does to women all her time as queen. And let’s not forget having to walk naked and hear threats and insults from all the men (and women) in King’s landing. But of course Jaime is the wounded party according to even strong Olenna and three quarters of the internet. I will be very disappointed if he goes against his character and sanctimoniously leaves her later in the season. I’ll be especially annoyed if he hooks up with Brienne. Now that will be fan service more than Dany and John hooking up could ever be.

  • Well, I’d say the look on the handmaiden’s face is to show us that the people SUSPECT but they don’t KNOW.

    Also, it’s INCEST. You should just, you know, not be doing that, one, and two, not doing it OPENLY. People have a breaking point.

    And remember, a dragon queen will eventually ride in and tides can turn. That could be the tipping point. You don’t celebrate until you’ve won.

    • Lilley Berrington

      Why is incest accepted from the Targaryens, but nobody else? The “Targaryens are above the laws of gods and men” doesn’t fly for me. It is only because they decided they didn’t care, which is what Cersei has just done. People need to remember that Dany herself was a child of incest. Somehow I don’t think that’s Dany’s issue with Cersei.

      • I don’t think anyone is suggesting that’s an issue for Dany, though? We’re talking about the folks of King’s Landing and Westeros in general, and it’s been established that incest isn’t okay with them. They just don’t have the power to do anything about it, especially now that the Sept is gone.

        • Lilley Berrington

          Yet it used to be sort of fine with them when it was the Targaryens. I think that’s one thing I’ve never quite gotten since the beginning. Of course the idea that Robert’s children might have been bastards wasn’t going to make anyone happy, but after his death, why could Cersei not have kept claiming the children were Robert’s but still have married Jaime? Surely after so many years of royalty inbreeding this wasn’t strange to the people? Or at least the idea of it would be old news, whether they approve or not?

          • Lyanna Mormont

            But people weren’t okay with the Targaryens doing it – it’s just that the Targaryens had DRAGONS, and you don’t go up to someone with a giant dragon behind them and say “Sorry, but you can’t marry your sister/brother.” Not if you want to live.

            And yeah, then the dragons disappeared, but by then people were used to those crazy Targaryens doing things their way, and they still didn’t approve, but they weren’t up to overthrowing the whole government over something that had been going on for a hundred years or more. So they gave them the side-eye but did nothing.

            Cersei, though? Cersei’s widely rumored to have betrayed her husband the king with her brother the Kingsguard. That’s a triple no – treason, incest, and betraying the Kingsguard oath. Since then, Cersei’s done a whole boatload of impopular things, most recently blowing up a good chunk of King’s Landing with wildfire, taking out a beloved queen and a hugely popular religious leader with it, so that she could seize the throne over the barely-cold corpse of her young son.

            If Cersei was otherwise beloved by the people, she might get away with it. As long as she has the power to silence anyone who dares object, she may get away with it. But she’s not beloved, and the moment her power wobbles… this will be the thing that tips the scales against her, if it is widely known.

            • Lilley Berrington

              Fair enough. Pity more people don’t know what an ass Robert was. This always calls into question how good Ned Stark was to me, if he could honestly call Robert his best friend. The man who seemed chilled with rape, physically attacked his wife, was an absolute drunk etfc. And regardless of how much of a drunk Tyrion and Cersei are, Robert was worse. At least they seem to sort of keep their heads when they have had too much, whereas Robert made an absolute disgrace of himself.

              • Andy Street

                I think by this point most people are probably looking back on Robert’s reign with rose-tinted specs as ‘the time when it was summer and we didn’t have all these terrible wars and disasters every five minutes’.

                I suspect Robert was a very different man when he was young. In fact Ned (who hadn’t seen him for 16 years or so) was visibly taken aback by what kind of person he had become. Of course he was distant and somewhat cruel to Cersei from the start but he HAD been forced into a political marriage immediately after learning that the woman he tore a kingdom apart for had just died. Robert and Cersei made each other miserable and he just got more pathetic and angry and drunk as the years wore on, brooding about how his life would have been different if Lyanna had lived.

                If I remember right, Ned did pity Cersei once he had the reality of their marriage pretty much shoved up in his face – but his borderline irrational distaste for the Lannisters along with the fact that he was just generally a terrible judge of character left him largely oblivious to most of it.

                • Exactly. Ned and Robert were best friends as young boys. I got a clear read from S1 that Ned was pretty put off and shocked by the state of things and who Robert had become. It’s one thing to be a drunken party boy at 20, quite another to be the ruler of the 7 kingdoms and still acting up. That wasn’t who Ned was as a man at all.

                  • Lilley Berrington

                    Yet Ned only ever sassed Robert about getting fat and drinking too much. Like that was the main problem with his rule. And Ned and Cat were in a political marriage too, yet that didn’t make him treat Cat badly. None of this makes Robert a sympathetic character. People like him because Ned did.

                    • Well, Lilley, that was his king, friend or no. You can’t really sass a king. He gave honest counsel and had to bite his tongue about things not related to the State.

                      I’m not sure where you’re seeing people fawning over Robert here? It seems off-topic.

                    • Lilley Berrington

                      It isn’t that I’m seeing people loving Robert here in particular. My rants are mainly about people’s opinions in general, and as I said do not particularly refer to the opinions here. But perhaps it is the lack of mentioning Robert that is a thing for me. People put Cersei before him in evil characters lists. I don’t think that’s fair. I suppose that is a bit off topic, but it is part of my point of not understanding why fans in general give people like Jaime and Margaery a pass and hate Cersei when they all do very questionable things. But to get back on topic; my whole point with raising Robert was to say that people would have disapproved of Cersei and Jaime for having children that were not Baratheons. But after Robert’s death, I wondered why Cersei couldn’t have just gone with the Targaryen argument to justify her and Jaime, whilst still pretending her children were Robert’s. But yes, I agree that it could have been because she didn’t make herself beloved by the people in general and also did not have dragons.

                    • “It isn’t that I’m seeing people loving Robert here ” and “as I said do not particularly refer to the opinions here”

                      WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT THOUGH??? Ahahaha, what on earth? Let’s stick to what’s happening here on my site with the folks commenting here in this episode, or you’re going to give me a aneurysm trying to control my site’s comment section, okay? Please and thank you!

                    • Lilley Berrington

                      Sorry for being overly broad. I’ll try to stay on topic from now on. :-)

                    • [forehead kiss]

            • Yes, this. Thank you, Lyanna!

            • Dennai

              It is known (sorry, couldn’t resist)

  • Jaime is going to need crowns by the end of this…

    • Lyanna Mormont

      Cersei would not allow that – the crown is hers, nobody else gets to have one! ;)

  • Lilley Berrington

    Random little things I liked about this review (without meaning that I disliked the rest):

    1. “CERSEI
    RACHEL MICHELLE BARATHEON LANNISTER”. Hahahaha!
    2. Characterising the LF speech to Sansa as “Shroedinger’s battle”.
    3. “This is what it sounds like when doves cry”. I know it is disturbing, but for some reason that phrase really touched me. I’m almost disappointed Bran didn’t say it.

    What I’m happy about:
    1. Jora being healed, although I still maintain Jaime has a sexier voice.
    2. The bran and Sansa reunion, although his cold attitude is damn creepy. Understandable, as seeing all of that in his visions must have been very scarring and could have resulted in a blunted affect, but still.
    3. That Cersei didn’t scar her soul even more by subjecting Ellaria and her daughter to physical torture. However, this is emotional torture. I would have been okay with it if it wasn’t for deciding Ellaria should live out her days watching her daughter rot. That’s going too far. Also, this allows for the possibility that Ellaria could escape. Cersei should just kill her too already. I’m not keen on her living (still annoyed about Myrcella), but torture, whether physical or emotional, I can’t get on board with. And watching someone you love rot is… well… let’s please not go there.
    4. Something about Cersei not caring about who sees her and Jaime was satisfying to me. She’s acting like a Targaryen and asserting dominance. Isn’t that exactly what the Targaryens did? Thought themselves above the laws of gods and men? Its about time, says I, that she becomes upfront about who she is, even if it isn’t good. I still respect honesty, and I hardly think anything will happen to her because of it. The walk of shame days are over.
    5. The way Cersei totally dominated that conversation with the guy from the Iron bank. We say she isn’t intelligent, but that battle of wits was straight from Tywin’s mouth, whom everyone has always acknowledged was very clever. Lannisters do have intelligence on their side, which I will talk about more later.
    6. That Sam didn’t get kicked out. Although I honestly also hoped he’d earn at least one good maister’s link for a chain. Still, please please don’t have greyscale! Additionally, the little paper eaters enjoy skin thing was urg. Poor Sam.
    7. Tyrion’s voiceover about Casterly Rock’s tunnels plus the fight in the background gave me goosebumps. Pity it wasn’t as successful as he hoped.
    8. Did Jaime and Cersei just outsmart Tyrion? The smartest Lannister? It would seem so. And I wasn’t upset that the odds are looking better for Cersei. Make no mistake; I hope Dany wins and Cersei dies eventually, but this was going to be boring without a Lannister show of power.
    9. Olenna died with style. Whether I liked her in general or not, she certainly did. Even though I still don’t know why even she seems to not mind Jaime that much, yet hates Cersei. I ranted about that on a comment to someone’s post, so I’ll leave that out of this one.
    10. The soundtrack! The Stark, Targaryen and Lannister pieces have always been good, but have once again been used for maximum chills in this episode. And I like how Cersei’s blowing-up-everything theme was included in the Lannister theme.
    11. Going back to the beginning of the episode, Sansa being an amazing ruler and honestly appearing smarter and more powerful than LF.
    12. Entitled or not, that word battle between John and Dany was amazing. As were the contributions of Tyrion and Davos.
    13. That Dany asserts her dominance whilst graciously compremising. Great queen!

  • Brienne of Tarth

    At least Theon got caught by his own men. Well. Yara’s men. Regardless, they’re not Euron’s. I think the worst they’ll do is put him in a double jock-lock and stuff him in his locker after algebra.

    • Ana G

      Haha, what a great way to put it. I think the show’s angling for a longer “redemption” arc for him, by rescuing his sister at a later date. (Also <3 your username)

    • Oh, good. I wasn’t sure given the armor. I’ll make the edit

      • Brienne of Tarth

        I think they all have the same armor which doesn’t help. They need to stop at a Gap or something and sort that out.

        • Maybe tie a frilly ribbon on like you do with black luggage at check in…

        • Lanie

          LMAO!! You’re right though. I was confused at first as to which side they were on.

  • Ana G

    So much to say! (Also nice Silence of the Lambs ref).
    Melisandre and Davos sniping at each other a la Mean Girls was fantastic.
    So was Davos being Jon’s Dad-To-The-Rescue: Jon’s a king too!
    I also loved them ducking down with the dragons. As viewers we’ve gotten sort of used to them, having seen them grow/in action. It was a reminder that to most of the people in the series they are !!!!!!!!!!!! incarnate.
    Qyburn remains deserving of his #1 Grandpa mug. Also Yara seems to have been taken by/stayed captured by the Ironborn, not Cersei. So maybe she’ll live? I stay hoping. There’s a chaaaance Ellaria will get out I suppose, as her torture is meant to be drawn out. (And like you, I love that sexual violence, esp. via The Mountain wasn’t even threatened. It was mother vs. mother the whole way through).
    Finally I love that Jaime was the true Mastermind! I think he’s often shunted aside as “the dumb one” (as his dad termed him, basically) but he’s a clever Lannister boy and an excellent military mind and I loved that.
    And finally OLENNA! My heart cries out for you. But damn what a way to go. Dame Rigg killed it, I’m going to miss her.

    • I love anyone who picks up on an obscure SotL reference, so cheers for that!

      I was so weirdly proud of Jaime for devising such a plan? We’ve never really seen him in action, so this was impressive. You get why Tywin pinned all his hopes on him. He had potential, just wasn’t using it.

      Dame Rigg is a master of the highest order, and it was an honor to watch her embody Lady Olenna every episode. <3

      • Ana G

        I was weirdly proud too. That’s the real tragedy of Jaime, he had SO MUCH potential, he truly could have been a great guy, the greatest even, but….Cersei. And the Mad King. And all that.

        • I would argue that killing the Mad King was the best thing he’s done in his life. All the shit he does can be tied back to her. Bah.

          • Ana G

            Oh, no, I agree killing him was the best. I was talking more about his years of service to the King/wasted on the Kinsguard/tortured by conflicting vows that hogtied him. Which is, in fact, all due to Cersei so. You’re correct, haha

            • OH, right right right. Yes, totally wasted years on a madman!

          • Andy Street

            Yes – the tragedy is that the one good, noble thing he’s done in his life is the same thing that destroyed his reputation and follows him around like a plague.

  • moata

    Tangentially related to this: I loved how the lady in waiting had clearly stolen Cersei’s haircut. Because that’s totes what happens. Am going to be keeping my eye out for more courtly pixie cuts in future eps as this is clearly “The Rachel” of Westeros.

    • HAHAHAHA!! Either stolen it ala The Rachel or was forced to have shorter hair than the Queen…

      Have to say, though, I thought it was super attractive.

      • Dennai

        It wasn’t only the haircut, the dress was in Cersei’s fashion too.
        And yes, that handmaiden was lovely. I’m sure she and Cheese Boy are gonna have beautiful kids.

  • mrspidey80

    I’m glad I wasn’t the only one thinking of quantum mechanics during Littlefinger’s speech. Had it gone any longer he probably would’ve brought up the Many-Worlds-Theory (everything that can happen does happen).

    • Let me love you for the Schröedinger appreciation.

      And hahaha, you’re totally right.

      • Dennai

        Seriously. Littlefinger’ speech was taking me back to The Architect talking to Neo, or more specifically, to that scene spoof in the MTV Awards.

  • magnusk_98

    One thing I must say, though, Jaime just bringing about 6000 men to a castle siege (I did a quick count by the amount of units visible on screen from Olenna’s viewpoint), with about 250-300 of them being cavalry, which is mostly useless for a siege, and having exactly zero siege equipment with them… this siege should have lasted for months, unless the entire Tyrell army was elsewhere. Since it clearly wasn’t, no manner the “geeze, we Tyrells never were that good at war”, it comes off to me as a contrivance that the castle fell that quickly. You just don’t storm a castle that quickly without siege towers, ladders, tunneling and catapults/trebuchets. Unless you want to bring thrice the number of defenders, that is, and still lose most of your army.

    Basically, with the set-up Jaime brought, Dany would have had lots of time to move as many of her 10.000 Dothraki as needed around the map to mow down the Lannister infantry, which would be sandwiched between the walls of Highgarden and the Dothraki cavalry.

    Anyway, I know its plot expediency, but it still stuck in my craw.

    • Dennai

      What you say it’s true, but we don’t know how many defenders were in Highgarden. We know that the Tyrell forces were supposed to join the ones from Dorne to siege Kings Landing together, so perhaps those troops are gathering elsewhere. We know that the forces ftom Horn Hill (Sam’s dad) aren’t there. We don’t know how many other nobles from the Reach had been convinced by Cersei’ peep talk, and decided to refuse the banner’s call, or at least to stay put, or delay the mobilization until see which way the things go.
      Also, I think the Lannister’s forces were somewhere closer to 8000-9000. Tyrion commented that Casterly Rock was protected by 10000 and we know that Jaime left just enough men to present a token resistance.

      • magnusk_98

        I did a headcount by the units shown to be assaulting Highgarden. There were more or less 90+ units of sixty men, as well as about ten units of 30 cavalry.

        While what you say about we not knowing how many men were at Highgarden is true, it feels as if the writers are trying to convey “Highgardens troops are gone as an asset to Dany”, which would imply that the Tyrell troops were still at home.

        Well, it was just one detail which stuck in my craw. I could go on about some of the military details which I find strange, like the Lannisters having something akin to a standing army with standardized uniforms, something which was unheard of in the medieval period. But, hey, it’s a TV show, we need clearly distinguishable armies fighting each other. :p

        • Dennai

          The Tyrell troops are gone since House Tyrell has died. Any loyalist force left in the Reach would simply submit since they are headless and the most prestigious noble in the territory have already sided with the Lannister. They don’t even have to surrender, since nominally are bound by oath to the Crown anyway.

          • Lilley Berrington

            I don’t know much about military tactics or strategy or whatever its called, but I thought the most likely reason for the Tyrells being defeated so quickly would be because Tarley convinced the rest of the bannermen not to heed house Tyrell’s call, as the only person of importance left was an old lady anyway.

            • Dennai

              Yeah, they don’t even need to be open about. Just pull a “Late Lord Frey” and answer the call really slowly so you know for sure who the winner is before picking a side.

            • magnusk_98

              Even then, the Tyrell’s themselves would have thousands of retainers at their own seat.

          • magnusk_98

            That would be after the Tyrell’s have been defeated at Highgarden, though. Before that, there’s still Lady Olenna and you can be sure that there are secondary lines of Tyrells still running around after the main line got exploded.

  • menomegirl

    Hey! Just another quick drive to add what I thought when I was watching last night. I didn’t see anyone mention this (unless I missed it). It seems to me that there is nothing random happening now; every little thing the writers put into an episode is important.

    So I’m thinking Sam is going to find something vital in that moldering pile of leather and parchment. Perhaps about the Night’s king or Jon’s parents or the magic that built the wall? How to defeat the army of the dead? I just *know* he’s going to discover something.

    • I love these drive-bys!!

      ANd I didn’t state it this episode recap, but yes, this SEASON: all meat, no gristle. They don’t have a moment to waste, and so far they simply aren’t. It’s breathtaking television. Each episode feels like a Scarmucci! (10 days).

      My guess is Sam will find something useful in them, too!! At least he’s going to learn some interesting facts, but nothing is without value now, so methinks you’re spot on.

      • Dennai

        “All meat, no gristle”, “breathtaking television”… who are you trying to fool? We all know you are sorely missing the “bad pussy” moments.

      • Jean, Giver of Jewelry

        Yes! ( Love the Mooch reference) I also think it is telling that in the preview of next week they said the Iron Bank will be paid WHEN the gold arrives. I’m hoping Dany, the dragons, and the Dothraki decide to scoop up the gold while decimating the Lannister army (except for Jaime and Bronn!).

        • That would be so sweeeeeeeeet. You would hear my delighted cackle all the way in your house if it does!

    • Lanie

      I commented last season that maybe brilliant Sammy will find the method for making Valyrian steel…. Gendry is a blacksmith….I really want Gendry back.

  • Lanie

    I so hate when RL gets in the way of my GoT viewing. I could only half pay attention and was finally able to rewatch it tonight. Anyways….

    Great review as always!! Had to start over reading it a few times because I kept getting distracted. Always a good read though!

    Tyrion and Jon reuniting was awesome!! Reunited and it feels so good!! He brought up Sansa!! I love that ship so so much! Ducking when they saw the dragons – hahaha!!

    Dany and Jon – like almost every couple on a soap opera. They will start out disliking each other then mid argument suddenly start kissing and tear off each other’s clothes….

    Davos is a passionate man when it’s something he believes in. He just really needs to watch what he says sometimes.

    They find out Tyrion’s plan isn’t working out too well for them. Team Dany is NOT off to a good start!

    Yara’s men picked up Theon. Dammit i was so hoping Gendry would pick him up….He is such a yummy man….

    Mr 80’s porn star has Yara by leash. Kill that effer already!! Honestly I feel bad for Ellaria and Tyene. Gotta say too Tyene’s new do sure makes her look more sweet and innocent compared to when she was offering her bad crotch to Bronn… Cersei will marry Mr Wanker after the war is won. Sure she will….She is already plotting your death. You think she keeps Frankenmountain around to just “play” with Septas Euron?! Jaime is starting to look deranged whenever he is around Cersei. Not for sure who he is mad at….I seriously felt sorry for Ellaria and Tyene. Them reaching for each other but not being close enough. I honestly hoped Bronn would rush in and save them. Or maybe just sing again.

    Jaime’s bum!! Damn that’s one nice ass!! Cersei is seriously walking a fine line. Now she doesn’t care who sees them together. The Iron Bank wants their money. Cersei says she can pay them. Where is she gonna get that money???

    Yes Tyrion Jon is reigning champ of brooding lol. I think the best conversations ever on this show are between Tyion and Jon. I do love though how Tyrion still is trying to help Jon. I love him so so much…

    Jon and Dany talk, or as I like to call it, foreplay. Jon gets his dragonglass. It’s a start!

    Sansa is kicking butt at running Winterfell. Just what Needledick wants. God he looks like he’s way to pleased with himself when she talks…Sansa please let Brienne kill him already!!!

    BRAN!! OMG yes!!!! I seriously cried at this. Sansa is thrilled to see her brother she thought was dead. Bran, well, he looks dead inside. Show SOME emotion please! Meera – somebody get her on the fastest ship to Braavos STAT. That girl is in serious need of a vacation! And some sun. And a few bottles of wine. And to be waited on hand and foot. Bran and Sansa talk. Sorry honey but your bro is a Time Lord now. Or Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf Bran freaks out his sis…Yeah I would be freaked too….Thanks for bringing up the worst shiat in her life!!

    Jorah is healed!!! Maybe Gendry is still rowing and he can give him a lift to Dragonstone…. He picks him up shirtless. A nice long scene…Gendry shirtless…He rows… Jorah waxes poetic about his Khaleesi…..Anyways! Sam shook Jorah’s hand. OMG!! That man has lived without touch for too long!! Sammy doesn’t get expelled. More to learn Sammy! Hopefully no more gross stuff, I think I’ve had enough!

    Tyrion, of course, had a secret way into Casterly Rock through the sewers. He did learn something lol! Thankfully Grey lives (for now)….Stay safe honey!! Missi wants you to come back to her!!

    Jaime marches to Highgarden. With Bronn….

    Olenna the Goddess!!! She is so screwed…Wow Jaime learned something…LMAO on Olenna calling Joffrey a cunt. So on point! Jaime listened to Olenna! She is the wisest woman on this whole show!!!

    Olenna drinks the poison right down….Then throws in one last dig….The truth!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Olenne I bow to you!! I shall miss your in your face truths…

    • Lyanna Mormont

      OMG Bad Wolf Bran! Aaahhh, perfect!

      • Lanie

        When he said “I can see everything” I heard in my head right after that “All that is. All that was. All that ever could be” lol. I miss 9 :(

        • Lilley Berrington

          Sounds like the LF speech to Sansa. Some more Shroedinger.

    • I love that you used a Peaches & Herb reference. So let me just say THAT. <3

      • Lanie

        Thanx <3

    • Jean, Giver of Jewelry

      Seriously? You feel sorry for Ellaria and Tyene? Oberyn was responsible for his own death. If he hadn’t stopped to gloat, he would have lived. Ellaria and Tyene happily killed Oberyn’s brother, Doran, and their cousin, Trystane. They even argued about who got to kill Trystane! They ENJOYED killing him. And they were so proud of themselves for killing poor, sweet Myrcella. Tyene would have let Bronn die if he didn’t tell her she was the most beautiful woman in the world. These women were heartless. I don’t feel sorry for them one bit!

      • menomegirl

        Obara and Nymeria were the ones who killed Trystane on that ship. Tyene was not there.

        • Lilley Berrington

          But would Tyene not have done it if Ellaria told her to? Also, as I understood it, they all plotted all the murders together, so she is still implicated.

          • Lanie

            They were all still grieving their lover/father. Grief can make people do terrible things *points at Cersei*

            • Lilley Berrington

              Oh yes, but everyone knows Cersei does terrible things as a result of grief, but few people feel sorry for her. I’m sorry for Ellaria for having to watch her lover die that way and for the girls for losing their father, but other than that I can’t manage much pity, especially since Oberyn wasn’t technically murdered, but died in concentual combat. Oberyn himself recognised that the Mountain and Tywin were to blame for Elia’s death, and wanted to exact revenge against them. Even he knew better than to kill children to avenge those of his sister. I also can’t imagine he would have been thrilled at Ellaria for killing his other nephew and his brother. Still, even though I don’t much pity Ellaria and Tyene, that’s one horrible way for Ellaria to live out the rest of her life!

      • Lanie

        I felt sorry because of that scene. Ellaria has to watch her only daughter die. The look on Tyene’s face was one of complete fear. I found it to be a heartbreaking scene. Just as I did when Jaime watched Myrcella die. Jaime has done some bad things, yet I still felt sorry for him then. And Myrcella, even though we didn’t really know her. About Bronn – I just want that man to do SOMETHING other than Jaime’s bidding. Plus I really want to hear him sing again. Jerome Flynn has a wonderful singing voice. Plus he usually says whatever is on his mind. Maybe he should just go back to Tyrion. I miss those days….

        • Jean, Giver of Jewelry

          I’m in complete agreement about Bronn. I’d like him to work with Tyrion again. And he needs to sing again!

          • Lanie

            Yes! I feel he’s being wasted as a character so far this season, as are many others. Unfortunately with the limited number of episodes, I’m afraid I might just have to accept that fact. I still would rather have him on Tyrion’s side though. I loved those two together.

            • Lilley Berrington

              Though to be fair, I don’t think he was ever on anyone’s side. He sticks with who looks like the best person to bet on. I seriously do love his laid back attitude though.

      • Lilley Berrington

        Although I thought the whole leaving the corpse there for Ellaria to watch decay was horrible and just too much, I can’t agree with you more about the rest. They honestly brought this on themselves by being such sadistic, child murdering, self-satisfied monsters.

  • Lyanna Mormont

    But Sansa always hugs her siblings when she’s reunited with them after years of separation! Even if they weren’t that close to begin with.

    Arya may be as stiff as Bran to begin with, more interested in finding out where Jon is, but Sansa is absolutely going to hug her as soon as she recognizes her. (After that there may be some steely eyes, especially if Arya only wants to see Jon, but hugs first.)

  • Jorah Sowannabe

    I’ve not been able to jump into the fray until now, being out of town for a friend’s wedding. I only bring up this rather personal bit of information because the end results of the friend’s wedding and the Red Wedding were both tragic. The Starks were savagely slaughtered whilst my dancing was caught on video. By general acclaim, both events were deemed to be gruesome….

    I had an intriguing thought at the moment House Tyrell’s token was flipped over. Ah, yes, another chess piece in this game is taken down, how apropos, how symbolic, how…stale. Chess? Really? We have a board map, we have kick-ass game pieces, we have deception, maneuvering, strategic deployments, all of those things that make this Game of Thrones so like chess–except for two vital elements in GOT that is absent from the game of chess. The elements of chance and betrayal… That’s right, there is zero, nada, no element of chance in chess. No backstabbing. But there is a game that has all of the elements of chess, plus a healthy dose of luck, chance and a huge asshole factor: Risk!

    Yes, Game of Thrones is one giant game of Risk. There is strategy involved and tactics employed, coupled with delicious treachery and nerve wracking casting of dice. I can’t believe I didn’t realize this earlier. There’s Cersei with all of her eggs in the one basket that is Northern Europe, Ukraine, Great Britian, etc. She’s doomed! No one playing Risk puts their power base in Europe! She’s surrounded by Daenerys’ legions from Quebec and Eastern United States, pouring in from across the ocean via Iceland. There is a faint glimmer of hope as Dorne’s Brazil is checked by Euron’s North Africa Iron Born, and House Tyrell’s Egypt have been eliminated, but it’s only a matter of time before all parties have decimated each other. In the meantime, Jon Snow is sitting on Siam, and getting very nervous.

    Jon: Uh, guys? Can you take a break from the carnage going on right now between Irkutsk and Siberia?

    Cersei, Euron, Dany, et al: Can’t right now! Rolling…Three sixes! Punk!!

    Jon: But guys. Western Australia, Eastern Australia? Home of the Night King? White Walkers? Dead guys? They’ve just been sitting down there, quietly accumulating armies…biding their time…about to burst forth as soon as we’ve wiped each other out. A little help down here? Please?

    Cersei, Euron, Dany, et al: Not now! Rolling….Two’s!?! Shit!!

    I’m telling you. Risk.

    A final observation. I love Tyrion, I really, really do. But he’s been outmaneuvered three times on the battle fronts, and his own high opinions of Jon have not impressed Dany. Is there a chance that Tyrion’s star is not on the rise any longer. Daenerys is certainly capable of making tough personnel decisions, and she did, after all, tell a certain walking ex-brisket platter that she wanted said ex-brisket platter by her side when she conquered Westeros. BBQ food for thought……

    • Oh, this game is DEFINITELY not chess. Too many rules restricting movement. I didn’t see the House Tyrell piece falling as a chess move call-out, though. RISK, yes. Stratego, yes.

      My BBQ prince–with the piquant scent of live oak–will hopefully return to Dany soon so I can happily die. (Hahaha)

  • Mickey Bitsko

    Another great review. “King Weaselteat” LOL

    • Hahha, oh, I loved to hate King Joffrey…. ;)

  • Eddie H

    Anyone else notice how much quicker they can travel across the continent this season? Great season so far, I just thought it was funny that they can all just pretty much teleport wherever they want to go now. I remember in the first few seasons it taking much longer for people to get places.

    • I didn’t interpret it as time moving faster/teleportation, just that we have 3 less episodes this season so we’re getting to the meat of things.

      • Lilley Berrington

        I’m torn on this. On the one hand, them getting places quickly seems a bit unrealistic. On the other hand, do we really want to watch them travel some more? I looove all the meetings and reunions so much!