Category Archives: Movies

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

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Also, for further reading: previous recaps for Captain America: The First Avenger and The Avengers.

First, I’m gonna link to this opinion from Vulture about how Captain America is irrelevant because he’s not a grumbly jerk like Christopher Nolan’s Batman or whatever. If the only way you can enjoy a superhero is if they’re doing unheroic things and acting like an asshole, then you’re maaaaybe the most boring person in the world, and most assuredly very annoying to talk to. Steve Rogers was a breath of fresh air in a genre clogged with unpleasant dudes we would hate to know in real life, and he’s even more so in this movie–he proves you can be damaged and sad and lost and still essentially good, and complicated as a character.

There are plenty of superheroes I’d like to be, because they’ve got cool powers or money or robot suits or architectural facial hair. There’s only one superhero I want to be like, and that’s HERBIE POPNECKER, THE FAT FURY Captain America. I mean, not in the rah rah American military power way (and WOW was this a subversion of that idea), but in the way that he’s likable and stands up for others and himself, and that he inspires people to be the best versions of themselves, and he can bench a human being like it’s nothing probably. Continue reading

Movie Recap: Pacific Rim

Pacific Rim is in theaters now (and if it's not, something has gone terribly wrong with us).

Pacific Rim is in theaters now (and if it’s not, something has gone terribly wrong with us).

Pacific Rim is probably my favorite movie I’ve seen so far this year. Not only does it have godzillas fighting gundams, possibly THE SINGLE MOST ATTRACTIVE CAST IN RECENT MEMORY, and a really kickass soundtrack by Ramin Djawadi, I felt a strange connection with the movie that I didn’t expect but probably should have, considering Guillermo del Toro makes the movies that consistently explode my heart.

It wasn’t perfect! I’d have loved more women in any capacity (unrelated, but my personal feeling is that a majority of the jaeger pilots were female, but then everybody on the front lines kinda kept dying all the time). The diversity was great but I’d have liked a) more of it and b) for the other pilots to get more screentime and development–though I hear there’s a lot to play with in the supplementary materials and novelization, so I’ll be checking those out posthaste. But, on the whole, it’s a movie about robots punching monsters during the apocalypse that has a wellspring of emotional power and resonates very deeply with me and a lot of people I know. del Toro said he needed children to leave this movie wanting to be jaeger pilots. I am 24 goddamn years old and I left this movie wanting to be one, too.

Before we get started, it is UTTERLY NECESSARY to talk about the 4th-string jaeger meme that cropped up .02 seconds after someone realized that the awesome Jaeger Creator doesn’t allow cussing, but can’t figure out where the cusswords are if you combine them. So you can’t call your jaeger Fuck Shit, but you can call it Shitbitch B. Fucknards with no problem. It really fosters a sense of creativity, and that’s beautiful (here are my contributions).

ANYWAY LET’S HOP IN OUR GIANT ROBOTS AND GO INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN CLICK THE CONTINUE LINK BECAUSE THERE ARE NO GIANT ROBOTS AND OUR LIVES ARE ULTIMATELY SMALL AND SAD BECAUSE OF IT. :(

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Hoarders 6.10 – Marlene, Jeff

A&E, Monday Nights, 9EST

A&E, Monday Nights, 9EST

“It’s an emotional thing when you try to fill yourself up [with things], and then you get filled up for a little while, and then you’re empty and you go back out to fill yourself back up.” Marlene, one of our hoarders, sums up the whole problem perfectly.  And always remember: for these people it’s a hoard, but it could have easily been drugs, alcohol or food.

We should be treating all of them the same: as fellow humans with a mental illness. Continue reading

Movie Recap: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

 

you're invited

DWARF PARTY

(The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is in theaters now.)

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey has been a long time coming. Like a thousand years? Probably that long. The Lord of the Rings films came out when I was in middle school, and as a result, I read all the books plus The Hobbit. The Hobbit was the only one I liked, as it was written on a sixth-grade level and also had a dragon, which to this day are the only ways you can get me to read a book.

However, I remember precisely zero percent of the book, so going into this movie was like going in completely blind (what’s a hobbit???). And it worked out for the best, I think. I wasn’t expecting anything, so I didn’t have a chance to be disappointed. I advise all potential viewers to pick fights in bars until someone punches all memory of the book from your brain, so you can enjoy the film without getting agitated about what is or isn’t there. Keep in mind that there are going to be three of these suckers, so there will be a lot of things that are/aren’t there.

Overall, I really enjoyed the movie. It had all the heartrending, breathtaking New Zealand scenery, frantic battle scenes, and gentle humor of the Lord of the Rings movies we loved, but with new faces. And whatever that framerate thing was all about. I didn’t notice a difference except during the fighting, and even then, it wasn’t that remarkable.

LET US PROCEED.

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Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Good heavens, Miss Bella, you’re beautiful! But you might look into some Visine.

 

I’ve said this on Twitter, but it bears repeating: the best part of this movie was me leaving. We have a hard and fast rule here at HDJM to spread love, but since I honestly believe Twilight is hazardous to your health, I feel like I’m doing a public service here in exposing it for the painful dreck that it is.

If that doesn’t tell you that I’m not a Twi-fan, then I have no idea what will. [And all Twilight-Defenders will be heartily laughed at. You have EVERYWHERE ELSE in the world to have your joy. This is our time. Our time, down here. /Goonies reference.] You have been warned, Twi-hards. Continue reading

Prometheus

Okay, first off, I have been waiting for this movie since I was 8 years old and saw the first Alien movie on a pilfered VHS tape with the rest of my Girl Scout troop—out of maybe 25 kids, I was the only one who watched the entire thing and clamored for more. So when I first heard about this movie finally coming out, I predictably lost my fool mind. I was a little nervous when I realized it was being written by Damon Lindelof, who cruelly betrayed me so many times in the 7 seasons of Lost, but all my fears were for naught because OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS SO AWESOME. Consider yourselves well warned for CAPSLOCK shrieking, alien gore, space madness, and Idris Elba lusts gone wild.

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Movie Recap: The Avengers


The Avengers is in theaters now.

Also, for further reading: previous recaps for Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger.

The Avengers! Or, Armvengers: Operation Beefcake Extravaganza! It did not disappoint. In fact, it surpassed my wildest dreams. Yes, even those ones! Any reservations I had—Joss Whedon (STOP HISSING AT ME, INTERNET), too many main characters to give adequate time to everybody, fan-pandering in either the too much plot or too much character introspection directions, etc.—proved to be neither true nor particularly relevant. This was a fantastic example of an ensemble film, the character and the action were woven into each other quite seamlessly, and the writing was an absolute delight. Everybody had their own stuff going on, and all of their stuff interacted with everybody else’s stuff wonderfully.

I cannot overstate how happy I am with The Avengers, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. On to the recap!

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Movie Recap: The Hunger Games

Before we begin, it’s necessary to remember that hunger is a serious ongoing problem in the United States—please consider matching the cost of your movie ticket in a donation to one of the charities with an A or B rating on Charity Watch (or four stars on Charity Navigator).

IT’S HERE IT’S HERE IT’S FINALLY HERE. There are not words for how enjoyable this movie was, but you’re going to get several thousand of them anyway. Short version, no spoilers: yes, go see it. If you are a fan of the books, go see it. If you are considering reading the books, go see it (and then read the books). If you have no interest in reading the books, stop breaking my heart (and go see it) (and then read the books).

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Movie Recap: Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

(Sherlock Holmes: a Game of Shadows is in theaters now.)

Image from Fanpop

A "game of shadows" is obscure slang for homoerotic fisticuffs. I would never lie to you about this.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows! More like Sherlock Holmes: a Gayme of Shadows, am I right? (I am right.) Godawful title aside, this sequel was really fun and a worthy successor to the original, though it’s pretty obvious that this is not going to be a franchise where each film is more innovative than the last, plotwise. It’s no big deal, because the characters and the sheer, absolute glee everyone involved seems to have for these movies will be more than enough to carry it forward for the foreseeable future.

Returning from the first film are, duh, Holmes (Robert Downey, Jr.) and Watson (Jude Law). Apparently they made a bet about who could look more like they wanted to have tender kisses in the moonlight. Spoiler alert: both of them won. It’s intense. Also returning are Mary Watson (Kelly Reilly) and Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams), though the latter is more of a cameo. It’s also one of the few things that really bothered me, but that is a discussion for later.

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Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part One

Um, this is going to hurt. A lot. Love you!

 

I’m breaking the rules here at HDJM by reviewing something that I do NOT love.  Well, I love to hate it, so there we go.  If you’re interested in my views on Twilight, I posted a series where I point out all of the flaws and how Mormon the books are, the LDS Sparkledammerung.  This is more of an MSTK3, because we all kinda hate it, don’t we?

First off, let’s just establish right off the bat that this did not need to be two damn movies. Do you have a frantic race from orcs in the Mines of Moria? Or a massive battle with The Bride and the Crazy 88s? No? Then learn how to edit. Oh, wait, that’s a problem with the books, too. Then again, these movies are total lady-bait with loads of staring and breathing and staring intensely and intense breathing.  Continue reading