I’m on a boat and it’s going slow and I got a nautical tip from Davos the Hand!
Before we get started on our prayer circle, I would like to say how unhappy I am with myself for missing the MOST PERFECT OPPORTUNITY last week to have said, “I’m in UR base, killing UR d00dz.” I feel a deep shame for this, and I ask your forgiveness.
I’m just kidding, I’m still mad y’all didn’t crack up at my Old Spice/Daario joke [CTRL F swagger], because that shit was gold. BUT WOW A LOT HAPPENED, and while it didn’t have the heart-ripping quality of last week, it did tell us a lot of important game movements. Plus, the lines were drawn: upstairs vs. downstairs! (Wait, this isn’t Downton Abbey.) I mean: Highborn vs. Lowborn! Those with huge armies and those without! Magic vs. No magic!
Interesting how our Khaleesi straddles so many of these lines… Continue reading
(Last episode, before my heart was destroyed.) GUYS WHAT. WHAT. What. WHAT?!! Hey, I asked you a question. I ASKED YOU WHAAAAAT ON EARTH DID I JUST WATCH?! WHAT DID THEY DO TO MEEEEEEEE? Accurate depiction of me during the last ten minutes of the episode:
Arya is waiting to smash in non-believers faces.
Previously! This week…guys, I can’t even. I have lost the ability to even with this show. How does it get better every week? If you were meh about this episode, then I want you to sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done. When you can say you’re sorry, I’ll forgive you.
Also, there was literal nail biting from me while watching, and it was mostly centered around what was going to happen to
gloriously shirtless Gendry. Continue reading
! This week: Theon Greyjoy would just really like to take a nap, the Wildling’s Warg has a serious case of the fedora-wearing Nice Guys, and did that muh fuh seriously just insult the Mother of Dragons…on Mother’s Day?
(I tried to get an interview with the bear featured in this episode, but they told me no, he’s a live bear and would literally rip my face off. So, thanks for making me look stupid, bear. What a jerk.) Continue reading
It ain’t an ice-covered Machu Pichuu, that much we can say.
Previously. Again, this is the fastest hour on television. I’m looking at my notes, still not able to believe how much was packed in this episode without it feeling like it was too much. Let’s get right to it.
Obligatory reminder: I’m a show-watcher, not a book reader. Don’t spoil me or the readers for funsies, because that’s uncool. (And don’t pick at people for not having details right when we’re going off the show. It’s irrelevant to your enjoyment of the books or program, I promise. You can always scroll or X out.) Continue reading
Alternately: “BOMB GIRLS: FUCK EVERYTHING,” “BOMB GIRLS: THE MERDE HITS THE FAN,” “BOMB GIRLS: I WILL PEE ON EVERYTHING GLOBAL LOVES.”
Previously on Bomb Girls: oh, fuck it.
Kate walks into the common room with her mother, only to have everyone jump out from behind the furniture and scream “SURPRISE!” Damn it, people! Don’t startle a girl like that! Kate nervously accepts everyone’s bridal congratulations and introduced Ingrid as “um . . . my mother.” Her dead mother? Yeah, that one. Continue reading
Oh, so NOW you don’t want to be Daddy’s Girl, Cersei?
PREVIOUSLY. There are no signs of this show slowing down. If Game of Thrones were a mathematical equation, it would be y = x * 6reanimations/3baby jars + 1 Khaleesi to the 3rd power of Dragon (which we all know is a rational numerical representation of awesome).
OBLIGATORY REMINDER: I am NOT a book reader. If it’s not made to be important on the show (for a non-book reader) then I might not know all the nuances that a book reader would. Please keep in mind that book readers are aware of tiny details that we show-watchers aren’t. Don’t be shady, be a lady. (aka: Don’t be a pedant, even if someone is Wrong On The Internet.) Continue reading
Previously on Bomb Girls: Marco and Gladys got their national security on (albeit in different ways) Ivan was a gross creepy creeper, and Teresa left Betty high, dry, and sexless.
Marco and his buddy Frankie are prowling around an empty building- I think it’s Marco’s dad’s former business?- while Frankie winds Marco up about how shittily he’s been treated by the Canadian government. Marco says he agreed to build a bomb only with the promise that a) he’d know where that bomb was targeted, and b) that it wouldn’t be used to harm anyone. I don’t think Marco understands how terrorism works.
Gladys, in a stunning black and white number, sashays up to Clifford Perry at the symphony and they flirt casually. Nothing important is said besides the fact that the Governor General is visiting VicMu, so security is being tightened up. For those of you who don’t understand our bizarre Canadian governmental structure, the Governor General is the (appointed) representative of the British royal family in Canada, and are basically the highest authority we’ve got. They barely have to do anything besides occasionally refereeing when the House of Commons starts squabbling. Also the last one we had helped push democracy back about thirty years, so I guess that’s something.
It’s soon to be Queen Margaery! Hip hip HOORAY! Pfft, okay, then…and the King. …hooray.
Forgive me for the lateness today, but I had minor surgery this morning. (Elective. I now have three arms, hooray!) ALSO, I WAS A LITTLE DRUNK ON MY OWN POWER LAST NIGHT because I called it, and it feels good. Let’s get to it! Continue reading
I got this, I got this, JEEZ.
PREVIOUSLY: Dragons, nip slips (as in, slipped off by knife-point), Theon has a mysterious friend, and Wargs! And I realized tonight that the Wildling’s Warg is Mackenzie Crook. Aww, I like him. Which means he’ll probably get raped. Because there is a LOT of reference to rape in this episode, and I’m gathering that it’s a big ol’ rape-apalooza in the books, which…urgh. No me gusta.
ALSO: remember that Catelyn’s sister had a son with the Bad Touch-Boob Sucking (we referred to him in the past as Bad Boob for short. Look, when your kid is old enough to be a Belieber, it’s time to get them off your teat.) Onward, fellow fen! Continue reading