Arya Stark, winner of the Most Grizzled Player award
[Previously.] I AM COMPLETELY SATISFIED. Hunnert percent. If you wanna complain about that season ender, you can go find elsewhere, because I am dancing around in my house with my hands on my cheeks, blown away. My husband has a bruise on his arm from me slapping it and saying, “Oh my god!” I can officially say that I had no frakkin’ idea that like, most of that would happen. EXCEPT. I totally called one thing, and I cannot believe I was right.
I know nothing about the books, as you all should know, so for me, an Unsullied, this was a great wrap up leaving me excited for Season Five. GAH, keeping spoilers from above the cut is making me crazy, let’s get to it. Continue reading
Ha ha ha ha. Aha. *cries a lot*
Dear Satan: you’ve been having a lot of fun lately with the wars, malcontents, brutally murdering my boo last week. You have a pattern. 1.9: Ned. 2.9: Blackwater. 3.9: The Red Wedding. 4.9 ___. Wait, 4.9… ___. Oh, I see what you did, you doubled down! 4.8 was our “person we didn’t think would die and holyshit, they DIED?” episode and 4.9 is your mirror to Blackwater. Which means Season 5 is probably going to be ten episodes of the Boltons flaying alive everyone else I still care for while blowing up Braavos for no good reason.
Now, let me preface this with how freaking awesome this battle was. It was. There was a scene in the courtyard that I cannot imagine how much coordination and effort went into getting just right on that camera crane. Plus, don’t ever tell me Bethesda/Elder Scrolls aren’t massive GRRM fans, because wow. I do have one “…really? That’s— That how they— Huh.” moment (and I’m sure you know what that was). But now that a giant is dead, let’s harvest its toe and fortify our health and get into the battle. Continue reading
i promise i’ll get better about pictures, guys.
“Other people aren’t the scariest part of prison…It’s coming face-to-face with who you really are. Because once you’re behind these walls there’s nowhere to run, even if you could run. The truth catches up with you in here…and it’s the truth that’s going to make you her bitch.”
Posted in Redemption Corner, Television
Tagged crazy eyes, laura prepon, laverne cox, netflix, oitnb, orange is the new black, piper chapman, pornstache, taylor schilling, wheeee tagging
Previously, when I was young and fresh. The first thing you need to know is that I am devastated. That’s… that’s the first thing you should know. My husband—keeping his promise not to spoil me—knew just when to snap a picture. HEY I AM REALLY SAD. Guys? I am fucking devastated. Broken. Red Wedding? That’s like the memory of a day at Six Flags. I HAVE NEVER KNOWN PAIN LIKE THIS.
MY HUSBAND THINKS HE’S FUNNY. Actual moment of my heart breaking. [ahaha, omg, I am the biggest nerd. I AM SO SAD, WOW, THE HURT JUST KEEPS GOING!!]
Someone showed me a Golden Retriever puppy, made me fall in love with it, let me cuddle it endlessly, smiling and cooing when it snorfled my neck in the middle of the night, needing pets and lovings, and I gave
that puppy those cuddles. I loved on that sweet, perfect thing. AND THEN SOMEONE CAME INTO MY HOUSE AND PUSHED ITS EYES INTO ITS SKULL AND CRUSHED IT BETWEEN THEIR HANDS IN FRONT OF ME AS I WAS HELPLESS TO INTERVENE. That’s my take on this episode.
And you should know that. I just shouted out and literally pounded my chest with a fist, crying to anyone who cared, “THEY’RE NOT REAL BUT THEY FEEL REAL.” Continue reading
True love means arm wrestling and trucker hats. Helena RULES
Previously: Rachel’s mad at Helena and Sarah for killing Daniel. She gives Hot Paul a promotion: monitor and personal sex slave. Sarah takes Helena to Felix’s and then to Art’s. Art feeds Helena to get info and then lets her escape because if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times: Art is a terrible detective. Ginger Gracie gets her mouth sewn shut as a punishment. Felix’s date ends badly when Hot Paul shows up and frames Felix for murder and breaks my heart why Paul why. Sarah finds out that Rachel’s father is still alive. Rachel uses her authority and makes Hot Paul have the sexy time with her and let’s just say she’s into being the boss in all ways. Helena gets out her sniper rifle and prepares to kill both of them but Sarah stops her. They’re going on a road trip to Cold River: A Place of Screams, to find Rachel’s dad and it’s gonna be off the hook.
Previously! In this episode: Tyrion has a joke that flops, Melisandre tries a joke that also fails, but Lord Freaking Petyr Baelish gets the last damn laugh.
Papa can you hear meeeee? [gross sobbing with love for Sansa Stark]
First, it has to be said: Oberyn Martell can get it. By “it” I mean me. SPOILERS START HERE
. Hey remember how I was all excited about how we realized just how dangerous Baelish is? Remember how freaked out I was by Lysa and wanted her and Bad Boob Sucker Robin to take a trip through the Moon Door? REMEMBER THOSE DAYS? [Why wasn't the Eyrie in the damn opening map??] Continue reading
Previously! Okay, that was a lie. Right? That wasn’t an hour? THAT WAS NOT AN HOUR. The first person who complains about this episode being filler gets my boot to the nethers.
It’s a little LoTR, but I don’t care. This is BEAUTIFUL. Legit shivers over this.
If I was going to sum up my reactions, it would have been excitement over a new place on our opening map, exclamations at the cool shots of Braavos, and a lot of crying over Tyrion—seriously, that brought me to tears—and a wonder at why all of my favorite “warnings” were listed when it was just tits in a hot tub? Pfft. I CALL THAT A TUESDAY, OKAY? Also, dibs on the band name “Tits in a Hot Tub.” OH MY GOD. I JUST REMEMBERED RAMSAY. Riiiiight. Tits on a Ramsay. Reek! JFC, click the link and let’s talk because I need you. Continue reading
OMFG YES I NEED THIS LIKE A FAT KID NEEDS CAKE
Previously: Alison realizes her monitor was sneaky Donnie all along and takes up drinking again, but this time in tiny bottles. The play ‘Blood Ties’ (a real play, btw!) is opening soon! Cosima starts her clone research at DIAD and meets Rachel, who is and always will be a stone cold bitch. I love it. Art helps Sarah, who is promptly kidnapped. But no worries, it’s Mrs. S’s people and they take her to Kira. Mrs. S is lying about not knowing anything about Project Leda. Her people betray them to the Proletarians and are promptly gunned down by Mrs. S. Byeee! Sarah and Kira escape in an old truck and take off to lay low with Felix for a while. Mark the Creepy Cowboy sneaks Helena out of the hospital to recover with him and the Proletarians at their creepy cult farm. Tomas doesn’t see Helena for the mirror twin miracle that she is and still hates her so the Proletarians shoot him. Byeee!
Posted in Redemption Corner, Television
Tagged Alison Hendrix, BBC America, Cal Morrison, Clone Club, Cosima, creepy cult farm, Elizabeth Childs, Felix, Helena, I love Felix, Jordan Gavaris, Kasima, Katja Obinger, Max Headroom is Dr. Leekie!, Orphan Black, ProClone Rachel Duncan, Sad Helena is sad, Sarah Manning, Space Channel, Tatiana Maslany
Previously! Question…why was Dragonstone in the opening and not the Eryie? The Vale was such a neat model; I would have liked to have seen that. Know what I was wincing through, wishing I didn’t have to see? ALL THE BAD BOOB SUCKER STUFF. Gah. Wow, did I forget how creepy Aunt Lysa is, and I am actually sorry for freaking Petyr Baelish for having to marry her. That nastiness is strong, Lysa. STRONG.
GET IT OFF ME. BURN IT.
And you’re welcome for me not grabbing your arm and screaming into your ear: HOLY SHEEP SHORTS, CRASTER’S KEEP!! like I did to my husband. Look, he agreed to “for better or worse,” and it’s not my fault he gets the worst more than the better. I’m just enthusiastic in my fannishness, okay? Oh, and raise your hand if you – like me – are shipping Oberyn and Cersei like they’re a gee dee Spanish Armada? Continue reading