ME. YOU. EVERYONE WHO WATCHED THIS EPISODE, PROBABLY.
Hey! So things you should know about me today: I’ve been drinking since 6pm and I roasted a chicken in honor of the Hound and Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter, aka Gjördkr the Bær Fuçkër, aka Tormund the Wildling. I’m very stressed. I’m writing this as I watch. Here we go.
Edited after watching: OH MY GOD. Oh my god, the old and the new gods. The small and mighty gods. FROM THE TITANS TO BASICALLY, CEREON, the Greek God of mixing wine. ALL OF THE GODS, I CALL UNTO YOU.
So, all of y’all complaining about pacing and ambling storytelling and… [blasts “HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW” on 11]
Someone, light the fires to call Gondor, because SHIT JUST GOT REAL.
Note; I’m having server issues that are preventing me from adding images other than this one right here. Bah. I’ll have that fixed by Monday! Thanks for your patience.
Previously, we’re reminded of all the manipulation that Sansa has endured since Season 1. I’m sure this isn’t important. AT ALL.
ME. YOU. ALL OF US, honestly. MINUS ARYA. Dammit, Arya!!
The opening shot of the war table in Dragonstone only to cut to Beyond The Wall is… [kisses fingers]. Can I just put out there how freaking beautiful this show is? Because it is. IT IS GLORIOUS. Also, glorious, Gjödkr the P?rv Nòmm (Tormund) teasing Gendry. And his little speech to Jon about bending the knee as a medicine for prolonging life.
This is such a total bro-fest.
Quest for a Walker: On
Lord, put them back, it’s like -20!! Continue reading
Previously! War, incest, death, Gendry rowing in a boat….
OH HO HO, I SPY A GENDRY IN THE OPENING CREDITS… [readies second bottle of wine] OH SHIT EASTWATCH IS IN THE CREDITS TOO???
Let’s get real: [readies third bottle of wine]
…kidding. Unless you got a spare liver for me?
Previously! But this week:
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING IN MY EARS]
I USED MINE ALL UP WATCHING THIS EPISODE.
We open with the Lannisters on the march, a wagon full of gold, save being a bag light as payment to Bronn. Man, I loved Bronn and Jaime’s banter over the years. They would have made a great buddy cop spinoff, solving crime, sassing each other, ending every week with a cold beer and a quip, a freeze frame on them just starting to laugh as the credits roll.
I MIGHT REALLY NEED THAT RIGHT NOW. Continue reading
Previously! Dragonstone is really a kickass fortress. Let’s just get that out there. Every shot of it was gorgeous and awe-inspiring. I also enjoyed remembering that Tyrion and Jon liked each other away from everything.
I love Davos as Jon’s Hand, I really, really do. Davos can do no wrong in my eyes, tbh.
Posted in Redemption Corner, Television
Tagged Game of Thrones, hbo, here there be dragons, House Baelish, House Lannister, House NO MORE, House Pedophiles, House Stark, House Stone, House Targaryen, House Tarly, House Tyrell
Previously! But let’s talk about this episode…
I’M SORRY WAS THAT AN HOUR? That wasn’t fourteen hours?!? How am I supposed to condense FORTY-SEVEN HOURS OF ACTION (#feltlike) INTO A POST? GIVE ME A SECOND.
I said: GIVE ME A SECOND I AM VERKLEMPT
We open in Dragonstone and Dany’s Small Council meeting. We’re reminded that EV-RY-BO-DY HAAAAAATES SIS. Cercei, that is. Her army is dwindling. Dany, however, is trying to take a more measured approach (for the first time, hey-hey! She’s… been rash in the past).
Side note: WHO IS CARVING THE GAME PIECES? She has some kewl dragon pieces for her team. I assume there’s some dude in Oldtown jacking up his prices after every battle. #SmallBusinessGoals Continue reading
PREVIOUSLY! OH HEY ANYTHING GOOD ON TV RECENTLY? I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I’M STUCK IN CAPSLOCK I’M JUST SOOOOOO
Oh, whoops. I actually had the capslock button engaged on my laptop, sorry for that. Ahem. Hi! So… pretty boring intro for the season, right?
THAT IS A DIRTY DAMN LIE, THE DIRTIEST I EVER TOLD. Ooooooh my gosh, you guys, I have been waiting for this show! And you! And it’s been 84 years since Cersei blew up half the damn city because she is the worst, most petulant mother-in-law in history, and I’m just so overcome right now to have more story?
Aaaaand consider this your obligatory reminder that I am Unsullied. I have not read the books, I have promised not to read the books until the show is over, I’m incredibly Spoiler-Phobic (waves a hello to new readers I met at Con of Thrones) and I will not brook book discussion on this site. Really wanting to split hairs about that sort of thing? I highly recommend my pals at Watchers On The Wall for that. But here, talk about the SHOW ONLY, and keep it to aired episodes. Please and thank you, A Girl has No Chill. [forehead kisses] Continue reading
GUYS!! I’ve been invited to be on a few panels (6) at the upcoming Con of Thrones in Nashville, TN, this weekend of June 30th- July 2nd. From the Con App:
GET THE CON OF THRONES APP. (iTunes or Android)
a) It’s free
2) It’s sortable by speaker, presenter, topic and other info
banana) You can sort by ME and the panels I’m on! (Think Women, Gender, and hahaha, SPOILERS IN FANDOM, hey hey)
COME SEE ME! I don’t bite! I would love to talk with you, get excited about you, do the Monica Gellar “I KNOW!!!” excitable thing. GUYS I AM ON A PANEL WITH BAD BOOB SUCKER LYSA ARRYN TALKING ABOUT MOTHERHOOD. […points you to:]
I AM EXCITE AND HAPPY AND IT’S ALMOST HERE AND I’M ALMOST THERE AND oh crud, I need to pack!!
Get me drunk and I might filk/recite all the memorial songs/poems BUT NOT THE ONE FOR HODOR IT IS STILL TOO PAINFUL.
In conclusion: YAAAAAAY!
Previously! Everything sucked for the clones (except for Rachel, she’s like on top of the world and all it took was stabbing her unloving Mother!) and I was confused because all the bad guys keep dying and I don’t know what faction is what or who!
Actual representation of how the clones’ world is burning around them
Welcome back, Clone Club! Who knows what this, the final season, will bring us? Will our eternally constipated Detective Art Bell finally smile? Will ginger Gracie show up and be useful by maybe using her ginger anger and trying to smother that Westmoreland guy? Will we ever see Gemma and Oscar again or will they forever be ‘visiting Grandma’? Will Sarah Stubbs jump into a scene and sing a line or two from ‘Pippin’? Will our favourite college student/drug dealer Ramone show up on the island with some underground penicillin for Sarah? Cause she could really use some right now. Will Hot Paul make a deus ex machina and show up with tears in his eyes and kill like all the bad guys and then sweep me into his arms and oh wait. Right. Recap.
Posted in Television
Tagged Alison Hendrix, BBC, BBC America, Beth Childs, Boring Cal, Cal Morrison, CBC, Clone Club, Cosima Niehaus, creepy cult farm, Ferdinand Chevalier will make you a frittata, fetch me something gay, genetic monster man, Helena, Hot Flashback Paul, Hot Paul is hot, how to get your cult farm whites whiter than white, I love Felix, Jessie's Towing, Jordan Gavaris, Katja Obinger, Kinky EMTs, Krystal Goderitch, Ksenia Solo, maggot bot, Max Headroom is Dr. Leekie!, Mika, MK, Orphan Black, Ow My Brain, Pupok the Scorpion, RIP HOT PAUL, Sarah Manning, Space Channel, Tatiana Maslany, That's Cheeky, Trangender Tony
[Previously!] Jon was reborn through the Army-Vag, Sansa took care of business, Bolton died a fitting death, Dany and Yara eye-boned like the world wasn’t coming to an end, Cersei creeped closer to losing her gott-damn mind, and Arya got out of her promise to the House of Black and White. I think. Yeah? Yeah.
The moment we’ve been waiting all season for! Well, kind of. We all kind of remember Loras, right? Erm…
AND NOW… [crams fists against mouth] JUST CLICK. (Remember: I AM UNSULLIED. NO BOOK TALK. I have also been waterboarded by Cersei’s wine glass it seems…)