Category Archives: Television

The Bridge 2.12 – Quetzalcoatl

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge: Cartels! The DEA versus the CIA! Badassery!

Monte Flagman, the remarkably sanguine ear to the cartel lawyer, takes in his cowboy boots to get the murder blood cleaned off of them. Sheesh, he can only spare a few coins for Little Lupe who has leukemia? Surely you could stuff some dirty drug money dollars in that charity collection can, Monte.

After feeding the skeptical boot cleaner a lie about antelope hunting, Monte finds Eleanor waiting for him out back, fondling the shoemaking stabbing tools. Continue reading

Sleepy Hollow 2.01 – This Is War

sh 201 promo image abbie ichabod branches

If there’s anything we learned from last season of Sleepy Hollow, it’s that all the little pesky problems of life — you know, being raised from the dead, having your former best friend turn into a horseman of the apocalypse, witnessing your wife suffering in Purgatory, losing your badass new best friend and fellow Witness to the end of days in a demonic exchange, and finding out your Sin Eater son who is twice your age is now the embodiment of War, that kind of stuff — all of these flies in the ointment can get better if someone just gives you a cupcake.

But not just any cupcake! Abbie Mills gives Ichabod Crane the most splendiferously patriotic cupcake as a surprise! “I shall consider myself punk’d,” Ichabod says sullenly, asking about Abbie’s ‘surprise’ party, “why must your error celebrate terror with dessert?” Um, because of the deliciousness?

Hey now, hang on a sec, you say — as I did last night — this isn’t the way last season ended. What about Ichabod being trapped by Henry in the coffin? Or Abbie getting shut in Purgatory to rescue Katrina? And though things looked bad for Jenny and Katrina, we didn’t actually see them die, as Abbie and Ichabod seem to feel they did in tonight’s ep. Well, hang on to your patriotic cupcakes, friends, because we’re in the middle of an it’s-all-a-dream moment; clever that Sleepy Hollow is, though, we’re just as befuddled at first as Abbie and Ichabod are about which reality is which.  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.11 – Beholder

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge, Marco and Sonya rushed to save Hank, Eleanor went from critical condition to creepy torturer, and Fausto got hold of something Sebastian wants to protect.

Fausto Galvan and his wacky assistant Obregon show us the banality and awkward humor of evil in a clever and uncomfortable opening scene. They fuss at each other while filming a threatening video for Sebastian Cerisola, showing his daughter Romina at gunpoint. Fausto’s menacing words about how Sebastian “forced me to remove my gloves and close my fist” are both undercut and made creepier by Obregon’s eager “accion!” at the start and comments on the props. Whoops, Fausto has an unloaded gun at first, haha! Let’s just replace that with a loaded pistol and aim that at Romina’s head, shall we? *shudders*  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.10 – Eidolon

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge, Marco rushed to save Sonya, and a simple business deal at the Red Ridge ended in a shocking outcome.

Eleanor opens the ep with an impatient conversation with a gas station attendant who is trying to get her to buy a 2-for-1 energy drink deal.  She just wants one, okay guy? “I prefer wet naps,” Eleanor says stiffly when he offers her a tissue for the murder blood on her collar (whoopsie). “Wet naps are awesome,” the guy agrees awkwardly.

Okay, odd, stilted opening, sure, but when Eleanor gets into the car outside, who is sitting next to her? Yovanni (he of the violent de-earing of DeLarge’s bank assistant). So we’re not just meandering around in the beverage aisles; we’re looping back to the season’s beginning, for more answers about Eleanor and context for the shootout that happened last episode at Red Ridge. *cracks knuckles* Let’s do this thing!  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.09 – Rakshasa

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge, Sonya made a deal with Agent McKenzie; Linder and Eva went all Natural Born Killers roadtrip childhood-trauma-style; and Fausto Galvan tightened his circle and went underground.

Cesar and Eleanor bond over vampire erotica and family talk (turns out Eleanor had a son “taken from me”; now there’s a season three seed if renewal is a go, right?). Cesar’s briefly insulted when Eleanor asks if he can use a machete (“Why, because I’m Mexican?”). But don’t worry; she’s not being racist. It’s only that she wants him to train Jaime to kill people in newer and more violent ways. Whew!  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.08 – Goliath

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge, everyone was a lying liar who lied.

Christ, is that Sonya’s mom about to shoot up in Homeless Tent Town? Sonya uncovers a keepsake box of her sister’s and removes a pendant with a lock of hair. “It’s over,” she says quietly, leaving the item in her unconscious mother’s hand. After watching Sonya leave, Eleanor takes the trinket and smells the hair, because Eleanor is creepy and terrifying lots of the time.  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.07 – Lamia

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Previously on The Bridge, Eva took matters into her own hands, Daniel and Adriana found a new lead on an increasingly dangerous story, and Sonya and Marco pushed for evidence by any means necessary.

In this week’s episode, we see Daniel Frye has kick-box-danced his way hard off the wagon, partying accompanied by his drunken RUSH-loving sponsor Gary. “You still got that hook-up with Secretary of State?” Daniel yells in between chest-bumps and lines of coke. Sure, Gary’s company does their IT, he confirms between swigs of beer. “You are a great American!” Daniel shouts. “God bless me!” Gary yells.   Continue reading

The Bridge 2.06 – Harvest of Souls

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Previously on The Bridge, oh my god, my David Tate’s eye(s)! Marco got a stab at revenge, Daniel Frye received info from a government source, and Eva gave  some damning evidence.

Jack Dobbs digs shirtless, because of Sexy Mysterious Reasons That Are Extremely Relevant To My Interests, under a water tower. He’s apparently used his murdering brother’s seemingly juvenile drawings to locate a hidden message. What’s that he just hit with his shovel, treasure? Only if by treasure you mean a buried skeleton/probably one of Jim Dobb’s murder victims.  Yay?  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.05 – Eye of the Deep

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge, DeLarge the banker felt the heat, Sonya and Marco got on the trail of Groupo CLIO and even more of Fausto Galvan’s shady dealings, and Eleanor reunited with a creepy pal.

After I pooh-poohed last week’s dull opening, I should have seen this one week’s abso-freaking crazycakes one coming. So violent out of the gate that it’s going behind a read-more, friends!  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.04 – The Acorn

the bridge 2 season 2Previously on The Bridge: Eleanor cleaned up her messes while Daniel and Adriana found out something stinks in Juarez.

On her stroll through desert land dragging file boxes, Eleanor stops to commune with a dead armadillo and build it a piled stone monument (as you do). “Is it safe?” she asks a man who stops in his van. Though he wants her to sit up front, “I prefer to sit behind you,” she says ominously. Wow, that was a weirdly anticlimactic opening.

“The ear will not be an issue,” DeLarge the bank manager mutters into a phone. Okay, now we’re getting somewhere! Back to money-laundering, scheming, and de-earing, whew. Continue reading