Category Archives: Television

The Bridge 2.07 – Lamia

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge, Eva took matters into her own hands, Daniel and Adriana found a new lead on an increasingly dangerous story, and Sonya and Marco pushed for evidence by any means necessary.

In this week’s episode, we see Daniel Frye has kick-box-danced his way hard off the wagon, partying accompanied by his drunken RUSH-loving sponsor Gary. “You still got that hook-up with Secretary of State?” Daniel yells in between chest-bumps and lines of coke. Sure, Gary’s company does their IT, he confirms between swigs of beer. “You are a great American!” Daniel shouts. “God bless me!” Gary yells.   Continue reading

The Bridge 2.06 – Harvest of Souls

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge, oh my god, my David Tate’s eye(s)! Marco got a stab at revenge, Daniel Frye received info from a government source, and Eva gave  some damning evidence.

Jack Dobbs digs shirtless, because of Sexy Mysterious Reasons That Are Extremely Relevant To My Interests, under a water tower. He’s apparently used his murdering brother’s seemingly juvenile drawings to locate a hidden message. What’s that he just hit with his shovel, treasure? Only if by treasure you mean a buried skeleton/probably one of Jim Dobb’s murder victims.  Yay?  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.05 – Eye of the Deep

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge, DeLarge the banker felt the heat, Sonya and Marco got on the trail of Groupo CLIO and even more of Fausto Galvan’s shady dealings, and Eleanor reunited with a creepy pal.

After I pooh-poohed last week’s dull opening, I should have seen this one week’s abso-freaking crazycakes one coming. So violent out of the gate that it’s going behind a read-more, friends!  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.04 – The Acorn

the bridge 2 season 2Previously on The Bridge: Eleanor cleaned up her messes while Daniel and Adriana found out something stinks in Juarez.

On her stroll through desert land dragging file boxes, Eleanor stops to commune with a dead armadillo and build it a piled stone monument (as you do). “Is it safe?” she asks a man who stops in his van. Though he wants her to sit up front, “I prefer to sit behind you,” she says ominously. Wow, that was a weirdly anticlimactic opening.

“The ear will not be an issue,” DeLarge the bank manager mutters into a phone. Okay, now we’re getting somewhere! Back to money-laundering, scheming, and de-earing, whew. Continue reading

The Bridge 2.03 – Sorrowsworn

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge: Kyle became an object lesson for that old chestnut (don’t take home strange religiously delusional women just to cop a feel); taxidermy is considered a creepy practice for a reason; Marco starts to work Sonya’s case from both sides; and if a drag queen helps anyone on the side of the righteous, well, just draw your own Kiss of the Spider Woman mini-tragedy conclusions from that, okay?

Eleanor learns about the fun of discount shopping and takes a new spin on old school self-flagellation by ecstatically sticking pins into her tattooed chest and smiling at the blood running down. The extended time spent on this bit is a micro-encapsulation of this season so far: Eleanor is sinister and fascinating as she punishes her many and varied sins in the mirror, but where in this picture are Sonya and Marco fighting crime? Hey Eleanor, you get blood on that two-for-one blouse, you bought it, okay?  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.02 – Ghost of a Flea

the bridge 2 season 2

Previously on The Bridge:  ill-advised hook-ups to beat the band, model homes bathed in light and blood, and lifehack tips on getting rid of murder splatter by taking free showers at truck loading zones.

“I’m out of here, dude,” says the smarter of two teen boys who happen upon Eleanor the Freaking Terrifying Former Mennonite hosing herself down and showing off her boss William Blake back tattoo in the process.  Continue reading

The Bridge 2.01 – Yankee

the bridge 2 season 2Previously on The Bridge, “A LOT OF THINGS CHANGED,” Marco says in flashback, and okay, yes, that’s as helpful an encapsulation as any before we dive right into the present moment. But I’ll ring those memory bells for last season’s characters and major plot points as we go along in this recap, never you fear!

As for our season premiere, we open with one of those heat-filters on Lyle Lovett (Monte) driving to and walking in a model house. Sheesh, you know, you try to look at some real estate, and you end up getting a ton of blood all over your fancy-schmancy snakeskin boots.   Continue reading

Orphan Black 2×10 – By Means Which Have Never Yet Been Tried

 

A shot from DYAD's Christmas Card next year: Merry Clone-mas!

A shot from DYAD’s Christmas Card next year: Merry Clone-mas!

Previously: Alison and Donnie bury Leekie in their garage. Donnie finds his balls and becomes a man, leading to the hottest sex he and Alison have ever had. Good for them! Gracie gets implanted with Helena and Henrik’s babies which does not please her. Helena realizes she doesn’t want any part of the Creepy Cult Farm. Henrik tries to stop Ginger Gracie and Helena from leaving the cult because he is the WORST. Cowboy Mark proves his love for Ginger Gracie and helps her escape while Helena performs her fave choke hold on Henrik. Then Helena gleefully tortures Henrik with the implanting devices they used on her. IRONY. She burns the place to the ground. Oh, and Sarah lets Kira give her bone marrow to save Cosima but Kira gets kidnapped AGAIN. Seriously?

OKAY YOU GUYS. This has been a late recap. I’m terribly sorry. Between work and a death in the family it’s been a struggle to fit the time in but enough about that boring stuff cause whoa Nellie this was a big episode. Let’s get started, suckers!

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Orange is the New Black 2.3 – Hugs Can Be Deceiving

suzanne, my love, you deserve so much better than all this

suzanne, my love, you deserve so much better than all this

Morello is showing a new crop of prisoners into Litchfield, giving them basically the same spiel Piper got in the premiere episode. Big Boo zeroes in on one young woman: “Ooooh, they must’ve locked you up for your own good! Hey, don’t be afraid, little girl. Daddy can protect you from the criminal element.” Boo, you are a creep. Morello tells her to “keep it in her pants” and leads her ducklings onward. After they clear the hallway, Piper strides in in slo-mo, clutching her new blankets and looking around to the vaguely menacing music playing in the background. Looks like the girl’s got a reputation these days, and the round of gasps she elicits proves it.

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Orange is the New Black 2.2 – Looks Blue, Tastes Red

aawww, i would adopt you baby taystee. but maybe not because you're probably smarter than me and that would cause problems

aawww, i would adopt you baby taystee. but maybe not, because you’re probably smarter than me and that would cause problems

No! Do not think small! We are dressing ourselves for the career that we want. You have to put it into the universe. Dress for Success.

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