! This week: Theon Greyjoy would just really like to take a nap, the Wildling’s Warg has a serious case of the fedora-wearing Nice Guys, and did that muh fuh seriously just insult the Mother of Dragons…on Mother’s Day?
(I tried to get an interview with the bear featured in this episode, but they told me no, he’s a live bear and would literally rip my face off. So, thanks for making me look stupid, bear. What a jerk.) Continue reading
It ain’t an ice-covered Machu Pichuu, that much we can say.
Previously. Again, this is the fastest hour on television. I’m looking at my notes, still not able to believe how much was packed in this episode without it feeling like it was too much. Let’s get right to it.
Obligatory reminder: I’m a show-watcher, not a book reader. Don’t spoil me or the readers for funsies, because that’s uncool. (And don’t pick at people for not having details right when we’re going off the show. It’s irrelevant to your enjoyment of the books or program, I promise. You can always scroll or X out.) Continue reading
Oh, so NOW you don’t want to be Daddy’s Girl, Cersei?
PREVIOUSLY. There are no signs of this show slowing down. If Game of Thrones were a mathematical equation, it would be y = x * 6reanimations/3baby jars + 1 Khaleesi to the 3rd power of Dragon (which we all know is a rational numerical representation of awesome).
OBLIGATORY REMINDER: I am NOT a book reader. If it’s not made to be important on the show (for a non-book reader) then I might not know all the nuances that a book reader would. Please keep in mind that book readers are aware of tiny details that we show-watchers aren’t. Don’t be shady, be a lady. (aka: Don’t be a pedant, even if someone is Wrong On The Internet.) Continue reading
It’s soon to be Queen Margaery! Hip hip HOORAY! Pfft, okay, then…and the King. …hooray.
Forgive me for the lateness today, but I had minor surgery this morning. (Elective. I now have three arms, hooray!) ALSO, I WAS A LITTLE DRUNK ON MY OWN POWER LAST NIGHT because I called it, and it feels good. Let’s get to it! Continue reading
I got this, I got this, JEEZ.
PREVIOUSLY: Dragons, nip slips (as in, slipped off by knife-point), Theon has a mysterious friend, and Wargs! And I realized tonight that the Wildling’s Warg is Mackenzie Crook. Aww, I like him. Which means he’ll probably get raped. Because there is a LOT of reference to rape in this episode, and I’m gathering that it’s a big ol’ rape-apalooza in the books, which…urgh. No me gusta.
ALSO: remember that Catelyn’s sister had a son with the Bad Touch-Boob Sucking (we referred to him in the past as Bad Boob for short. Look, when your kid is old enough to be a Belieber, it’s time to get them off your teat.) Onward, fellow fen! Continue reading
Gendry, Arya, and Cartman go for a walk in the woods. I would like to lodge a complaint at the complete lack of shirtless Gendry.
Previously on Game of Thrones: The Kingslayer flirt/fights with Brienne. Bran can’t walk and regularly gets The Shine. Jon is miserable and longs for a cuddle. Arya is the sassiest 12-year-old girl with a sword in all the land. Margaery werqs it and King Weaselteat continues to be the worst. On with this week’s episode!
(Regular reminder that I am NOT a book reader, which means that if it hasn’t aired on HBO, I don’t know it. Also: the show isn’t the same as the books in regards to character, spelling, etc. in some cases. So…who’s got two thumbs and is not a book reader? This gal!) Continue reading
Why don’t any of these people wear hats?
Welcome back, friends, to the fastest hour on television. (How am I shocked when the episode is over every single time? ) Previously on Game of Thrones: incest! Murder! War! King Weaselteat getting a Tyrion smack down!
(And if you’re new to the site, welcome! We’re a NON-HATE place. This is where you come to ride out your buzz of excitement with fellow fans. No dickish behavior, no character bashing, no rude comments. You literally have the rest of the internet for that stuff, you know?) Continue reading
You can cut the sexual tension with a knife, am I right?
Big shocker: I was satisfied by the season finale. And by satisfied I mean lots of flailing and shouting OH MY GOD and pausing and rewatching specific moments. And I’m really wishing I learned how to bend time so it could go ahead and be season three already. I can’t even begin with how much there was in this episode. Wait, yes I can. Make with the clicking and let’s get to revisiting and analyzing! Continue reading
Now THAT is a bow.
Because it’s Memorial Day and I’ve had a weekend of floating on water with lime-and-rum-laden drinks, please allow me to go blue right off the bat: Fuck the King. Oh, was I happy. The Battle of Blackwater was no Helm’s Deep (nothing can ever be Helm’s Deep-level, though. Peter Jackson, you have raised the bar too high. And hey, that was also 83 minutes of battle, so no one has the funds to get there on network tv) but this was pretty bad ass. Maybe the best battle I’ve seen on a television show ever. And better than most movie battles, come to think of it. Continue reading
You fkkin bint, is you disrespectin me? Cos that is well out of order!
It’s Shakespearean, it is. Chaucerian, actually. (He’s older, right? I’m pretty sure he’s older than Bill.) Of course I’m talking about the word “see you next Tuesday,” which got five uses in this episode. One thing missing here: the complete lack of Joffrey slapping. Oh, well, we can’t have everything we like. Continue reading