You can cut the sexual tension with a knife, am I right?
Big shocker: I was satisfied by the season finale. And by satisfied I mean lots of flailing and shouting OH MY GOD and pausing and rewatching specific moments. And I’m really wishing I learned how to bend time so it could go ahead and be season three already. I can’t even begin with how much there was in this episode. Wait, yes I can. Make with the clicking and let’s get to revisiting and analyzing! Continue reading
Now THAT is a bow.
Because it’s Memorial Day and I’ve had a weekend of floating on water with lime-and-rum-laden drinks, please allow me to go blue right off the bat: Fuck the King. Oh, was I happy. The Battle of Blackwater was no Helm’s Deep (nothing can ever be Helm’s Deep-level, though. Peter Jackson, you have raised the bar too high. And hey, that was also 83 minutes of battle, so no one has the funds to get there on network tv) but this was pretty bad ass. Maybe the best battle I’ve seen on a television show ever. And better than most movie battles, come to think of it. Continue reading
You fkkin bint, is you disrespectin me? Cos that is well out of order!
It’s Shakespearean, it is. Chaucerian, actually. (He’s older, right? I’m pretty sure he’s older than Bill.) Of course I’m talking about the word “see you next Tuesday,” which got five uses in this episode. One thing missing here: the complete lack of Joffrey slapping. Oh, well, we can’t have everything we like. Continue reading
Hey, boy: ever had a Glasgow kiss?
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that a man without honor (in the Game of Thrones) is a man who keeps living. (Do a quick tally. See?) And a reminder for any new folk who are coming over (and welcome!)—this is a spoiler-free zone. I’m not a book reader, so it’s all new and exciting to me and a large portion of the readers here.
Now that I’ve got you properly wooed with my sweet talk, let’s get to some naked Theon! (Pfft, what a boner-killer.)
I love Sister, she loves me. We love Brother, yessirree!
Not one minute is wasted from right out of the gate this episode, so better take your potty break, get a fresh drink, and snap into a Slim Jim right now, because it’s a hold-your-breath event from here out. (Mostly because Slim Jim breath is really gross, you guys. Never trust a food that you can wring grease out of, or that “Rowdy Rod” Piper endorsed. He’s dead, okay? I hope you’re proud of yourself, now.)
Tywin Lannister? You just got TOLD, son!
Oho, so there was no Dothraki in the opening map this week—we’ve moved on for good, it seems? Oh, Khal Drogo; I will not forget you. Nor your promise to make a throne out of the tongues you had ripped from your enemies. (He was such a romantic.)
By the way: I’m not a book reader and I’m spoiler free. Fun, right?
You know, Sansa just wanted to be a pretty princess, okay? She didn’t sign up to be Weaselteat’s plaything.
I think the question on everyone’s mind this week is: will Daenerys ever get some Chapstick? We also have new places on our gyro-map: Harrenhal (a burned ancient ruin, and I love that it just sits there on the moving map not moving) and Qarth, a city near Dothraki made of concentric circles. Ooh! Cool. Continue reading
Meet Brienne. She’s the butch Tilda Swinton who can most likely kick your butt.
Whenever I see a review complain about how much there is in the beginning of each season I realize: Oh. They’ve never played open-world RPGs. Because that’s how it is – you wander, meet tons of people, get loads of quests, then you figure out which way you’re going to go – straight, evil, this way, etc. (And y’all who have read the books are basically playing with the game guide.)
I say all of this because, damn, how sad for them. Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Red Dead…they’ve missed all of that. (Not to mention D & D, Magic the Gathering, on and on.) Fellow Gamers? Our time is now. We are finally the cool kids.
And one last thing, in the opening credits, when Pyke’s gears turn and it rises – watch the bridge that connect the towers. Nice little addition of gravity, model makers. That looks amazing. Continue reading
Posted in Redemption Corner, Television
Tagged Game of Thrones, Lannister, Stark, Targaryen
It’s Mage FIre Crotch and King Whiner, ready to alienate themselves further.
Previously on Game of Thrones: baby killing! Baby dragons! Stannis whining like a titty baby! A LOT OF BABIES, is what I’m getting at. And we had yet another place revealed on the map, Pyke, home of the Greyjoys – but is it a home to Theon? Note: neither this show, nor this recap, is for the uptight or squeamish. We’re going blue. Continue reading
Posted in Redemption Corner, Television
Tagged Game of Thrones, Lannister, Stark, Targaryen, Westeros
Nobody loves me…it’s true. Not like you do.
PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF THRONES: 800 pages of incest, murder, gore, Direwolfs, Wight Walkers, whores, clockwork maps, and dragons! And for the record: noble, honorable men get their heads removed. So…rethink that whole “play by the rules” thing. Not in this game. It pays to be canny. Continue reading
