Hey. Can I just lay my head on your shoulder for a minute? Thanks. I’m just… no, I don’t need a drink of water, thank you. I’m just really really tired. Hmm, that’s not the right word, it’s… Fatigued? That’s it. I’m fatigued.
literally me. I am Clyde Frog.
I bet you are, too. Or you should be. What are we doing, guys? What–
Screw it. Let’s do this. And for what it’s worth, I literally write these AS I WATCH, so enjoy the energy drop as you go. EDIT: I am not a book reader. I am deleting comments that mention details from the books. Don’t be that person. If you’re new, now you know: NO BOOK TALK. Continue reading
Previously: WE ALL LOST OUR DAMN MINDS (in the best of ways!). We open with Stannis’ men chin deep in the snow, but I guess Fire Crotch Mage doesn’t need a coat? She’s all casually wandering outside in the bitterness when there’s an attack on the camp, most of the tents going up in flames, and a HORSE RUNNING WHILST ON FIRE HORSEY NOOOOOOOO!
Raise your hand if you thought that was a dream? Now slap your face with it because THAT. JUST. HAPPENED. Come on, Davos. Come the hell on, Fire Crotch Mage! WHERE IS THE SECURITY BREACH!?
ACTUAL PICTURE OF MELISSANDRE, AKA FIRE CROTCH MAGE, LOVER OF THE LORD OF LIGHT.
Remember how in the very first episode we saw that scary ice man with the blue eyes? And then remember when everyone kept saying that Winter Is Coming? And then, then you guys? You remember how those creepy ice dudes showed up on horses and Samwell wet his pants? And then killed one? And then, like, we’ve been wandering in the desert for forty years? So “winter is coming” and “white walkers” are coming?
Frankly, I don’t think they exist.
~*The Audience The Last Fifteen Minutes*~
Previously! BUT LET’S GET TO IT OMG Continue reading
Previously! LOADS. Most of it awful. Whee!!
“All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces…”
But first! We open with horsies being prepped for a trip up north.Gjördkr the Bær Fuçkër is released from his restraints, and the men of the Watch don’t like it. But then, most of them don’t like any of Jon Snow’s decisions.
Lord Butt Hurt: A word, Lord Commander? About this plan of yours with the Wildling?
Jon: Of course, trusted fellow Man of the Black Watch. Please, continue.
LBH: [farts into hand, shoves it in Jon’s face]
Jon: …yes, thank you. [looks to camera like its The Office] Continue reading
Guys, thanks for carrying on the conversation last week after I disappeared from our comments/board. I love that everyone has great (spoiler free) chats with each other. I feel like Daenerys watching her dragons growing up… [sniff]
Previously! But this episode opens with the big question: Did Grey Worm live?? Missandei watches over him, wringing her hands with worry as she wonders if he’ll wake. Daenerys watches over Ser Barristan, who won’t. Hasn’t. Will never. *sniff for Ser Barristan the Bold* And she is pissed. Her solution? Round up the heads of every one of the great families and bring them to her. So… sorry Hizdahr, but you gots ta go.
Even when her child ignites and eats other children. Maybe especially then. MOTHER OF THE YEAR, NAILED IT.
The Mother of Dragons is awakening, I do believe. Hell. Yes. Continue reading
This is too cool not to share, and?!?! it’s spoiler free! Made by MongoLife and available for sale on Etsy!
[search Restaurants, Dragon-Positive Inns near here]
Previously! OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. YOU GUISE!! YOUS GEZE I AM SO HAPPY THE SHOW IS BACK GAME OF THRONES IS BACK AND MY TRIBE IS BACK AND THE OPENING HAD THE EYRIE!! And Winterfell wasn’t a ruin! OHO. I have no idea what that means, I’m just excited. Wait. Waaaaaaait.
FLAYED MAN ALERT!
Le gasp!! BOLTONS! [/Newman!] Continue reading
Previously! In this episode: Tyrion has a joke that flops, Melisandre tries a joke that also fails, but Lord Freaking Petyr Baelish gets the last damn laugh.
Papa can you hear meeeee? [gross sobbing with love for Sansa Stark]
First, it has to be said: Oberyn Martell can get it. By “it” I mean me. SPOILERS START HERE
. Hey remember how I was all excited about how we realized just how dangerous Baelish is? Remember how freaked out I was by Lysa and wanted her and Bad Boob Sucker Robin to take a trip through the Moon Door? REMEMBER THOSE DAYS? [Why wasn’t the Eyrie in the damn opening map??] Continue reading
(Last episode, before my heart was destroyed.) GUYS WHAT. WHAT. What. WHAT?!! Hey, I asked you a question. I ASKED YOU WHAAAAAT ON EARTH DID I JUST WATCH?! WHAT DID THEY DO TO MEEEEEEEE? Accurate depiction of me during the last ten minutes of the episode:
Arya is waiting to smash in non-believers faces.
Previously! This week…guys, I can’t even. I have lost the ability to even with this show. How does it get better every week? If you were meh about this episode, then I want you to sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done. When you can say you’re sorry, I’ll forgive you.
Also, there was literal nail biting from me while watching, and it was mostly centered around what was going to happen to
gloriously shirtless Gendry. Continue reading