ME. YOU. EVERYONE WHO WATCHED THIS EPISODE, PROBABLY.
Hey! So things you should know about me today: I’ve been drinking since 6pm and I roasted a chicken in honor of the Hound and Gjördkr the Chîcken Eåter, aka Gjördkr the Bær Fuçkër, aka Tormund the Wildling. I’m very stressed. I’m writing this as I watch. Here we go.
Edited after watching: OH MY GOD. Oh my god, the old and the new gods. The small and mighty gods. FROM THE TITANS TO BASICALLY, CEREON, the Greek God of mixing wine. ALL OF THE GODS, I CALL UNTO YOU.
So, all of y’all complaining about pacing and ambling storytelling and… [blasts “HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW” on 11]
Someone, light the fires to call Gondor, because SHIT JUST GOT REAL.
Note; I’m having server issues that are preventing me from adding images other than this one right here. Bah. I’ll have that fixed by Monday! Thanks for your patience.
Previously, we’re reminded of all the manipulation that Sansa has endured since Season 1. I’m sure this isn’t important. AT ALL.
ME. YOU. ALL OF US, honestly. MINUS ARYA. Dammit, Arya!!
The opening shot of the war table in Dragonstone only to cut to Beyond The Wall is… [kisses fingers]. Can I just put out there how freaking beautiful this show is? Because it is. IT IS GLORIOUS. Also, glorious, Gjödkr the P?rv Nòmm (Tormund) teasing Gendry. And his little speech to Jon about bending the knee as a medicine for prolonging life.
This is such a total bro-fest.
Quest for a Walker: On
Lord, put them back, it’s like -20!! Continue reading
Previously! War, incest, death, Gendry rowing in a boat….
OH HO HO, I SPY A GENDRY IN THE OPENING CREDITS… [readies second bottle of wine] OH SHIT EASTWATCH IS IN THE CREDITS TOO???
Let’s get real: [readies third bottle of wine]
…kidding. Unless you got a spare liver for me?
Previously! But this week:
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING IN MY EARS]
I USED MINE ALL UP WATCHING THIS EPISODE.
We open with the Lannisters on the march, a wagon full of gold, save being a bag light as payment to Bronn. Man, I loved Bronn and Jaime’s banter over the years. They would have made a great buddy cop spinoff, solving crime, sassing each other, ending every week with a cold beer and a quip, a freeze frame on them just starting to laugh as the credits roll.
I MIGHT REALLY NEED THAT RIGHT NOW. Continue reading
Previously! Dragonstone is really a kickass fortress. Let’s just get that out there. Every shot of it was gorgeous and awe-inspiring. I also enjoyed remembering that Tyrion and Jon liked each other away from everything.
I love Davos as Jon’s Hand, I really, really do. Davos can do no wrong in my eyes, tbh.
Posted in Redemption Corner, Television
Tagged Game of Thrones, hbo, here there be dragons, House Baelish, House Lannister, House NO MORE, House Pedophiles, House Stark, House Stone, House Targaryen, House Tarly, House Tyrell
Previously! But let’s talk about this episode…
I’M SORRY WAS THAT AN HOUR? That wasn’t fourteen hours?!? How am I supposed to condense FORTY-SEVEN HOURS OF ACTION (#feltlike) INTO A POST? GIVE ME A SECOND.
I said: GIVE ME A SECOND I AM VERKLEMPT
We open in Dragonstone and Dany’s Small Council meeting. We’re reminded that EV-RY-BO-DY HAAAAAATES SIS. Cercei, that is. Her army is dwindling. Dany, however, is trying to take a more measured approach (for the first time, hey-hey! She’s… been rash in the past).
Side note: WHO IS CARVING THE GAME PIECES? She has some kewl dragon pieces for her team. I assume there’s some dude in Oldtown jacking up his prices after every battle. #SmallBusinessGoals Continue reading
PREVIOUSLY! OH HEY ANYTHING GOOD ON TV RECENTLY? I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I’M STUCK IN CAPSLOCK I’M JUST SOOOOOO
Oh, whoops. I actually had the capslock button engaged on my laptop, sorry for that. Ahem. Hi! So… pretty boring intro for the season, right?
THAT IS A DIRTY DAMN LIE, THE DIRTIEST I EVER TOLD. Ooooooh my gosh, you guys, I have been waiting for this show! And you! And it’s been 84 years since Cersei blew up half the damn city because she is the worst, most petulant mother-in-law in history, and I’m just so overcome right now to have more story?
Aaaaand consider this your obligatory reminder that I am Unsullied. I have not read the books, I have promised not to read the books until the show is over, I’m incredibly Spoiler-Phobic (waves a hello to new readers I met at Con of Thrones) and I will not brook book discussion on this site. Really wanting to split hairs about that sort of thing? I highly recommend my pals at Watchers On The Wall for that. But here, talk about the SHOW ONLY, and keep it to aired episodes. Please and thank you, A Girl has No Chill. [forehead kisses] Continue reading
Hey, Bran! Hope it was worth it. I JUST HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT, KID. [gross sobbing]
] Hey there! Still sobbing and aching where my heart once was every time I see “Hold the door,” how about you??? Welcome to our group counsel. Donuts and coffee in the back.
Previously! Okay, that was a lie. Right? That wasn’t an hour? THAT WAS NOT AN HOUR. The first person who complains about this episode being filler gets my boot to the nethers.
It’s a little LoTR, but I don’t care. This is BEAUTIFUL. Legit shivers over this.
If I was going to sum up my reactions, it would have been excitement over a new place on our opening map, exclamations at the cool shots of Braavos, and a lot of crying over Tyrion—seriously, that brought me to tears—and a wonder at why all of my favorite “warnings” were listed when it was just tits in a hot tub? Pfft. I CALL THAT A TUESDAY, OKAY? Also, dibs on the band name “Tits in a Hot Tub.” OH MY GOD. I JUST REMEMBERED RAMSAY. Riiiiight. Tits on a Ramsay. Reek! JFC, click the link and let’s talk because I need you. Continue reading
Oh, was this show coming back? I almost forgot about it.
! Blood! Mayhem! My learning the most valuable lesson of all: if you love it, it will be brutally murdered in front of your face.
Good lesson, that. Wow, does the Red Wedding still hurt. *pounds chest* Also, the show’s “Previously” led seamlessly into a bee-you-tea-ful moment with a certain someone’s broadsword. [Player Ned Stark has entered the Game!] Continue reading