[Previously!] GUYS. Remember how some folks were thinking the show would dip down in storytelling and energy? Ha. HA HA HA. Nope! It just gets better and better. This episode was all about families reuniting (kind of) and what was amazing for me, a woman who has watched the women of this show be abused in the most horrific of ways, was how once again, the women told the men, “Chin up” and “Just sit back. I got this.” Nope, I’ll never get enough of that. Let’s get to it, because there is a LOT.
Obligatory reminder that I am Unsullied. Don’t give me that horse pucky about “But we’re all past the books” because everything in the books is not on the show, and no one likes a show off, okay? Don’t flex your book knowledge here for you shall make me sad. It’s funny to watch me guess and flail, right? Right! Show talk only, please and thank you. Continue reading
You’ve got to pick a pocket or two, boys…
[Previously!] The show started with Ned Stark beheading a guy for breaking his Oath, young Jon at his side. And it ends with… Well, keep reading.
REMINDER: I am NOT a book reader. I am Unsullied and took an oath (hurr) to stay that way, AND MY WATCH HAS NOT ENDED. Every damn week I get someone who wants to laugh and explain that, ha! We’re all on the same boat now, so it’s not like I can be spoiled, right? So anyway, in Book 3…
WRONG. First off, why do you want to be that person? Why? Don’t be that person. Yes, you can still ruin things for me because not everything in the books made it to screen yet. Just stop. Stop. If you think you have some kind of tic where you just can’t help yourself when it comes to talking about the book, you literally have the rest of the internet to talk about them. This is not the place for you.
Just… it’s tiresome. Cut it out. Stop trying to prove this horse-pucky to me, because all you prove is that I won’t like you very much. I’m a nice person and I don’t deserve this. Ahahaha. Ahem. HEY LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS AMAZING SEASON SO FAR! Continue reading
Hodor? HODOR. …h-Hodor! I did like that he, like Hagrid, is part giant.
[Previously!] SO NOTHING HAPPENED HERE. Nope. Not a thing. Bor-ing, eye-roll inducing lack of–
…lies, filthy lies. Okay, so we’re getting into the whole magic/mythos of the world. FINALLY. It’s just been, you know, 6 seasons… (Don’t mind me, I’m just antsy because there was a LOT that happened.) Remember, who has two thumbs and is Unsullied? THIS GAL! No spoilers be found, so thank you kindly for being a bro and helping me enjoy the whole discovery thing.
PYKE IS BACK ON THE MAP. I stood and cheered, y’all. We’re friends. I can tell you this, right? I just love this show, you guys. Warts and all, I love it. I LOVE IT. I’m a ride-or-die kinda gal, and you need to know this about me. Continue reading
[sings softly] “I know I’m unloveable. You don’t have to tell me…”
] HEY GUYS ANOTHER YEAR OF HAVING OUR HEARTS RIPPED OUT, WHOO HOO!! Well, I don’t have any heart left, so I feel safe. Ha. HA HA HA, famous last words. You watch, come 6.9, I’ll be drunkenly crying on your shoulder. Fun stuff!
So if you’re new, here’s the skinny: I’m Unsullied! I have sworn a vow not to read the books until the show has come to an end. What’s that? You want to adjust your glasses and inform me that we’re out of Book Territory, ergo, you can say anything about—
NOPE. Ease up, Hoss. You’re stepping into JerkButt land, population: You. No book talk here. You have the whole internet for that, but this little place? [stands with hands on hips, gently smiles] This place is free of all book talk. Thankee, Sai. Plus, just ask some of the old timers and they’ll tell you how fun it is to watch me navigate the show as blindly as Arya Stark on the streets of Braavos. Continue reading
Previously: WE ALL LOST OUR DAMN MINDS (in the best of ways!). We open with Stannis’ men chin deep in the snow, but I guess Fire Crotch Mage doesn’t need a coat? She’s all casually wandering outside in the bitterness when there’s an attack on the camp, most of the tents going up in flames, and a HORSE RUNNING WHILST ON FIRE HORSEY NOOOOOOOO!
Raise your hand if you thought that was a dream? Now slap your face with it because THAT. JUST. HAPPENED. Come on, Davos. Come the hell on, Fire Crotch Mage! WHERE IS THE SECURITY BREACH!?
ACTUAL PICTURE OF MELISSANDRE, AKA FIRE CROTCH MAGE, LOVER OF THE LORD OF LIGHT.
Remember how in the very first episode we saw that scary ice man with the blue eyes? And then remember when everyone kept saying that Winter Is Coming? And then, then you guys? You remember how those creepy ice dudes showed up on horses and Samwell wet his pants? And then killed one? And then, like, we’ve been wandering in the desert for forty years? So “winter is coming” and “white walkers” are coming?
Frankly, I don’t think they exist.
~*The Audience The Last Fifteen Minutes*~
Previously! BUT LET’S GET TO IT OMG Continue reading
Previously! LOADS. Most of it awful. Whee!!
“All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces…”
But first! We open with horsies being prepped for a trip up north.Gjördkr the Bær Fuçkër is released from his restraints, and the men of the Watch don’t like it. But then, most of them don’t like any of Jon Snow’s decisions.
Lord Butt Hurt: A word, Lord Commander? About this plan of yours with the Wildling?
Jon: Of course, trusted fellow Man of the Black Watch. Please, continue.
LBH: [farts into hand, shoves it in Jon’s face]
Jon: …yes, thank you. [looks to camera like its The Office] Continue reading
Guys, thanks for carrying on the conversation last week after I disappeared from our comments/board. I love that everyone has great (spoiler free) chats with each other. I feel like Daenerys watching her dragons growing up… [sniff]
Previously! But this episode opens with the big question: Did Grey Worm live?? Missandei watches over him, wringing her hands with worry as she wonders if he’ll wake. Daenerys watches over Ser Barristan, who won’t. Hasn’t. Will never. *sniff for Ser Barristan the Bold* And she is pissed. Her solution? Round up the heads of every one of the great families and bring them to her. So… sorry Hizdahr, but you gots ta go.
Even when her child ignites and eats other children. Maybe especially then. MOTHER OF THE YEAR, NAILED IT.
The Mother of Dragons is awakening, I do believe. Hell. Yes. Continue reading
First off, I want to thank Super Reader Tran for the generous donation to keep the website going! We have our yearly bill coming up, so it was timely and very appreciated. THANK YOU!
But back to GoT… Previously! My daughter just saw the Harpy on the Merreen pyramid and said, “Boob eagle!” So in my head, that’s what I’m calling them from now on. Look, you understand religion in your way, let me understand it in mine. Interesting to note that only one of the Westeros religions praises sex while the others condemn it. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
A LOT happened this episode, and if you don’t think these first four eps are the tightest the of the show’s history, then:
HOW VERY DARE YOU
ETA: And as always, be sure to read through our AWESOME, SPOILER FREE comments section, where some of the liveliest convos are happening. (I have a few theories about Specific Name Dropping in them, for example!)
Previously! Can I just say that from a writing/story-telling perspective, this season just might be the tightest? The flawless transitions from character to country and back again, moving all around the globe to tell a cohesive, forward-moving narrative is outstanding. And again, I’m not a book reader, this ain’t the place for book talk, so from an “I only know what I see onscreen each week” perspective, I’m seriously loving season five. (Reminder I’m Unsullied, please please leave book talk to other websites please and thank you and forehead kisses.)
Our little Cinder earning her keep.
And my hat’s off to the set designers, both physical and CGI because damn. We lead off with a beautiful opening shot of a dank room lined with statues of the old kings? The old sigils? Was that a lion’s head? A drowned man, oh, I recognize the weirwood god… And a fire burns within a stone heart. (Same. That would be my House’s sigil. Ha, I’m kidding, it would be a hand grasping for a mostly empty wine bottle, obv.) Continue reading