Previously: WE ALL LOST OUR DAMN MINDS (in the best of ways!). We open with Stannis’ men chin deep in the snow, but I guess Fire Crotch Mage doesn’t need a coat? She’s all casually wandering outside in the bitterness when there’s an attack on the camp, most of the tents going up in flames, and a HORSE RUNNING WHILST ON FIRE HORSEY NOOOOOOOO!
Raise your hand if you thought that was a dream? Now slap your face with it because THAT. JUST. HAPPENED. Come on, Davos. Come the hell on, Fire Crotch Mage! WHERE IS THE SECURITY BREACH!?
ACTUAL PICTURE OF MELISSANDRE, AKA FIRE CROTCH MAGE, LOVER OF THE LORD OF LIGHT.
Remember how in the very first episode we saw that scary ice man with the blue eyes? And then remember when everyone kept saying that Winter Is Coming? And then, then you guys? You remember how those creepy ice dudes showed up on horses and Samwell wet his pants? And then killed one? And then, like, we’ve been wandering in the desert for forty years? So “winter is coming” and “white walkers” are coming?
Frankly, I don’t think they exist.
~*The Audience The Last Fifteen Minutes*~
Previously! BUT LET’S GET TO IT OMG Continue reading
Previously! LOADS. Most of it awful. Whee!!
“All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces…”
But first! We open with horsies being prepped for a trip up north.Gjördkr the Bær Fuçkër is released from his restraints, and the men of the Watch don’t like it. But then, most of them don’t like any of Jon Snow’s decisions.
Lord Butt Hurt: A word, Lord Commander? About this plan of yours with the Wildling?
Jon: Of course, trusted fellow Man of the Black Watch. Please, continue.
LBH: [farts into hand, shoves it in Jon’s face]
Jon: …yes, thank you. [looks to camera like its The Office] Continue reading
Guys, thanks for carrying on the conversation last week after I disappeared from our comments/board. I love that everyone has great (spoiler free) chats with each other. I feel like Daenerys watching her dragons growing up… [sniff]
Previously! But this episode opens with the big question: Did Grey Worm live?? Missandei watches over him, wringing her hands with worry as she wonders if he’ll wake. Daenerys watches over Ser Barristan, who won’t. Hasn’t. Will never. *sniff for Ser Barristan the Bold* And she is pissed. Her solution? Round up the heads of every one of the great families and bring them to her. So… sorry Hizdahr, but you gots ta go.
Even when her child ignites and eats other children. Maybe especially then. MOTHER OF THE YEAR, NAILED IT.
The Mother of Dragons is awakening, I do believe. Hell. Yes. Continue reading
First off, I want to thank Super Reader Tran for the generous donation to keep the website going! We have our yearly bill coming up, so it was timely and very appreciated. THANK YOU!
But back to GoT… Previously! My daughter just saw the Harpy on the Merreen pyramid and said, “Boob eagle!” So in my head, that’s what I’m calling them from now on. Look, you understand religion in your way, let me understand it in mine. Interesting to note that only one of the Westeros religions praises sex while the others condemn it. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
A LOT happened this episode, and if you don’t think these first four eps are the tightest the of the show’s history, then:
HOW VERY DARE YOU
ETA: And as always, be sure to read through our AWESOME, SPOILER FREE comments section, where some of the liveliest convos are happening. (I have a few theories about Specific Name Dropping in them, for example!)
Previously! Can I just say that from a writing/story-telling perspective, this season just might be the tightest? The flawless transitions from character to country and back again, moving all around the globe to tell a cohesive, forward-moving narrative is outstanding. And again, I’m not a book reader, this ain’t the place for book talk, so from an “I only know what I see onscreen each week” perspective, I’m seriously loving season five. (Reminder I’m Unsullied, please please leave book talk to other websites please and thank you and forehead kisses.)
Our little Cinder earning her keep.
And my hat’s off to the set designers, both physical and CGI because damn. We lead off with a beautiful opening shot of a dank room lined with statues of the old kings? The old sigils? Was that a lion’s head? A drowned man, oh, I recognize the weirwood god… And a fire burns within a stone heart. (Same. That would be my House’s sigil. Ha, I’m kidding, it would be a hand grasping for a mostly empty wine bottle, obv.) Continue reading
Previously! Thought before we get into it: someone somewhere mentioned that Podrick had shown proficiency with regards to knowing banners, sigils, etc, so why on earth didn’t he notice House Tully passing? My guess, but I couldn’t make it out on my giant-ass tv screen for certain, is that the sigil waving on those flags was Littlefinger’s newly chosen sigil: the Mockingbird. Podrick wouldn’t know about it. Thoughts? Well, save them until the end, we have VERY IMPORTANT STUFF to talk about first!
A MAN needs some chapstick.
Like how Braavos steampunk-moustrap was back on the map! And it’s because Arya is finally entering the city! (Love the lore about the Titan coming to life and smashing enemies in days of old. I’m going to love these books when I finally get to read them, aren’t I?) And hey, there’s your reminder that I am UNSULLIED. Do not—I beg of you—discuss the books here, neither overt nor veiled. Be cool. Literally the rest of the internet is for you book readers. But down here, it’s our [non-reader] time. It’s our time down here. [Obligatory Goonies reference] Continue reading
Previously! OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. YOU GUISE!! YOUS GEZE I AM SO HAPPY THE SHOW IS BACK GAME OF THRONES IS BACK AND MY TRIBE IS BACK AND THE OPENING HAD THE EYRIE!! And Winterfell wasn’t a ruin! OHO. I have no idea what that means, I’m just excited. Wait. Waaaaaaait.
FLAYED MAN ALERT!
Le gasp!! BOLTONS! [/Newman!] Continue reading
Arya Stark, winner of the Most Grizzled Player award
[Previously.] I AM COMPLETELY SATISFIED. Hunnert percent. If you wanna complain about that season ender, you can go find elsewhere, because I am dancing around in my house with my hands on my cheeks, blown away. My husband has a bruise on his arm from me slapping it and saying, “Oh my god!” I can officially say that I had no frakkin’ idea that like, most of that would happen. EXCEPT. I totally called one thing, and I cannot believe I was right.
I know nothing about the books, as you all should know, so for me, an Unsullied, this was a great wrap up leaving me excited for Season Five. GAH, keeping spoilers from above the cut is making me crazy, let’s get to it. Continue reading
Ha ha ha ha. Aha. *cries a lot*
Dear Satan: you’ve been having a lot of fun lately with the wars, malcontents, brutally murdering my boo last week. You have a pattern. 1.9: Ned. 2.9: Blackwater. 3.9: The Red Wedding. 4.9 ___. Wait, 4.9… ___. Oh, I see what you did, you doubled down! 4.8 was our “person we didn’t think would die and holyshit, they DIED?” episode and 4.9 is your mirror to Blackwater. Which means Season 5 is probably going to be ten episodes of the Boltons flaying alive everyone else I still care for while blowing up Braavos for no good reason.
Now, let me preface this with how freaking awesome this battle was. It was. There was a scene in the courtyard that I cannot imagine how much coordination and effort went into getting just right on that camera crane. Plus, don’t ever tell me Bethesda/Elder Scrolls aren’t massive GRRM fans, because wow. I do have one “…really? That’s— That how they— Huh.” moment (and I’m sure you know what that was). But now that a giant is dead, let’s harvest its toe and fortify our health and get into the battle. Continue reading