NEPHEW OF BLACKFISH, MARRIED INTO FREYS… ‘MEMBA HIM? #TMZ #doesanyonecareaboutEdmureTully #spoiler:APPARENTLYNOT
[Previously!] Hey there! We’re jumping straight into it, both the recap and the show, evidently, so there’s your warning. Also: NO INTRO?!? Instead of my familiar sweeping game board, it’s Ian McShane (!!) leading the construction of… who knows this early but HOLD THE DAMN PHONE. THE HOUND ISN’T DEAD?! The Hound? HE IS ALIVE.
Okay, this season is throwing out the old playbook. Instead of the characters we’re most interested in dying, SOME OF THEM ARE TURNING UP ALIVE. Glory Be! And oh, okay, there’s my intro, and it’s almost anti-climactic after that shocker. (But I clapped and hummed along, because of course I did. Are you new?! Wait…are you?)
HI, NEW PEOPLE. I am Unsullied. We take it seriously here. No book talk. You literally have everywhere else, but this place is Show Only because you guys get to laugh at how emotional I get. WHEE! (No seriously, it’s fun. I get super emotional; it’s totally ridiculous.) Continue reading
Hey, Bran! Hope it was worth it. I JUST HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT, KID. [gross sobbing]
] Hey there! Still sobbing and aching where my heart once was every time I see “Hold the door,” how about you??? Welcome to our group counsel. Donuts and coffee in the back.
[PREVIOUSLY] Guys, this is going up early. I’ll catch typos and put more images in after I’ve had a good, hard cry. YOU KNOW WHY. Not saying above the cut to spare anyone who hasn’t seen it yet.
LOOK AT THESE CREEPY FOREST ATRONACHS.
Good hell, this season just. Gets. Better. Warning: EMOTIONS AHEAD. Also: EPIC POETRY FOR THAT ONE CHARACTER. (Stick to show talk, not book talk, I’m Unsullied, etc etc., thankee sai.) Also, for any new folks: I literally have a few glasses of wine and watch the show, writing as I watch. Fun! Continue reading
[Previously!] GUYS. Remember how some folks were thinking the show would dip down in storytelling and energy? Ha. HA HA HA. Nope! It just gets better and better. This episode was all about families reuniting (kind of) and what was amazing for me, a woman who has watched the women of this show be abused in the most horrific of ways, was how once again, the women told the men, “Chin up” and “Just sit back. I got this.” Nope, I’ll never get enough of that. Let’s get to it, because there is a LOT.
Obligatory reminder that I am Unsullied. Don’t give me that horse pucky about “But we’re all past the books” because everything in the books is not on the show, and no one likes a show off, okay? Don’t flex your book knowledge here for you shall make me sad. It’s funny to watch me guess and flail, right? Right! Show talk only, please and thank you. Continue reading
You’ve got to pick a pocket or two, boys…
[Previously!] The show started with Ned Stark beheading a guy for breaking his Oath, young Jon at his side. And it ends with… Well, keep reading.
REMINDER: I am NOT a book reader. I am Unsullied and took an oath (hurr) to stay that way, AND MY WATCH HAS NOT ENDED. Every damn week I get someone who wants to laugh and explain that, ha! We’re all on the same boat now, so it’s not like I can be spoiled, right? So anyway, in Book 3…
WRONG. First off, why do you want to be that person? Why? Don’t be that person. Yes, you can still ruin things for me because not everything in the books made it to screen yet. Just stop. Stop. If you think you have some kind of tic where you just can’t help yourself when it comes to talking about the book, you literally have the rest of the internet to talk about them. This is not the place for you.
Just… it’s tiresome. Cut it out. Stop trying to prove this horse-pucky to me, because all you prove is that I won’t like you very much. I’m a nice person and I don’t deserve this. Ahahaha. Ahem. HEY LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS AMAZING SEASON SO FAR! Continue reading
Hodor? HODOR. …h-Hodor! I did like that he, like Hagrid, is part giant.
[Previously!] SO NOTHING HAPPENED HERE. Nope. Not a thing. Bor-ing, eye-roll inducing lack of–
…lies, filthy lies. Okay, so we’re getting into the whole magic/mythos of the world. FINALLY. It’s just been, you know, 6 seasons… (Don’t mind me, I’m just antsy because there was a LOT that happened.) Remember, who has two thumbs and is Unsullied? THIS GAL! No spoilers be found, so thank you kindly for being a bro and helping me enjoy the whole discovery thing.
PYKE IS BACK ON THE MAP. I stood and cheered, y’all. We’re friends. I can tell you this, right? I just love this show, you guys. Warts and all, I love it. I LOVE IT. I’m a ride-or-die kinda gal, and you need to know this about me. Continue reading
[sings softly] “I know I’m unloveable. You don’t have to tell me…”
] HEY GUYS ANOTHER YEAR OF HAVING OUR HEARTS RIPPED OUT, WHOO HOO!! Well, I don’t have any heart left, so I feel safe. Ha. HA HA HA, famous last words. You watch, come 6.9, I’ll be drunkenly crying on your shoulder. Fun stuff!
So if you’re new, here’s the skinny: I’m Unsullied! I have sworn a vow not to read the books until the show has come to an end. What’s that? You want to adjust your glasses and inform me that we’re out of Book Territory, ergo, you can say anything about—
NOPE. Ease up, Hoss. You’re stepping into JerkButt land, population: You. No book talk here. You have the whole internet for that, but this little place? [stands with hands on hips, gently smiles] This place is free of all book talk. Thankee, Sai. Plus, just ask some of the old timers and they’ll tell you how fun it is to watch me navigate the show as blindly as Arya Stark on the streets of Braavos. Continue reading
Previously: WE ALL LOST OUR DAMN MINDS (in the best of ways!). We open with Stannis’ men chin deep in the snow, but I guess Fire Crotch Mage doesn’t need a coat? She’s all casually wandering outside in the bitterness when there’s an attack on the camp, most of the tents going up in flames, and a HORSE RUNNING WHILST ON FIRE HORSEY NOOOOOOOO!
Raise your hand if you thought that was a dream? Now slap your face with it because THAT. JUST. HAPPENED. Come on, Davos. Come the hell on, Fire Crotch Mage! WHERE IS THE SECURITY BREACH!?
ACTUAL PICTURE OF MELISSANDRE, AKA FIRE CROTCH MAGE, LOVER OF THE LORD OF LIGHT.
Remember how in the very first episode we saw that scary ice man with the blue eyes? And then remember when everyone kept saying that Winter Is Coming? And then, then you guys? You remember how those creepy ice dudes showed up on horses and Samwell wet his pants? And then killed one? And then, like, we’ve been wandering in the desert for forty years? So “winter is coming” and “white walkers” are coming?
Frankly, I don’t think they exist.
~*The Audience The Last Fifteen Minutes*~
Previously! BUT LET’S GET TO IT OMG Continue reading
Previously! LOADS. Most of it awful. Whee!!
“All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces…”
But first! We open with horsies being prepped for a trip up north.Gjördkr the Bær Fuçkër is released from his restraints, and the men of the Watch don’t like it. But then, most of them don’t like any of Jon Snow’s decisions.
Lord Butt Hurt: A word, Lord Commander? About this plan of yours with the Wildling?
Jon: Of course, trusted fellow Man of the Black Watch. Please, continue.
LBH: [farts into hand, shoves it in Jon’s face]
Jon: …yes, thank you. [looks to camera like its The Office] Continue reading