Tag Archives: vampires

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Good heavens, Miss Bella, you’re beautiful! But you might look into some Visine. #420BlazeIt

I’ve said this on Twitter, but it bears repeating: the best part of this movie was me leaving.

We have a hard and fast rule here at HDJM to spread love, but since I honestly believe Twilight is hazardous to your health, I feel like I’m doing a public service here in exposing it for the painful dreck that it is.

If that doesn’t tell you that I’m not a Twi-fan, then I have no idea what will. [And all Twilight-Defenders will be heartily laughed at. You have EVERYWHERE ELSE in the world to have your joy. This is our time. Our time, down here. [/Goonies reference.] You have been warned, Twi-hards. Continue reading

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Supernatural 8.06 – Southern Comfort

On a dark and quiet night a transistor radio plays softly while a man contently works under his car, wrench at the ready, geared up to adjust anything that needs adjusting to keep her running smoothly. Another person, clad in a classic plaid shirt and jeans, walks up and the man under the car is pleased to see them, because that means the other person can grab him a cold beer to reward him for all his fine mechanics. Except the person in plaid doesn’t want to, they’re in a cranky mood.

No, it’s not Sam and Dean. It’s an actual couple and the wife is pissed about someone named Sarah Alcott. So pissed that she kicks the support out from under the car and after it drops onto her screaming husband she gets in and drives off over him, splattering his viscera on the Missouri state flag. Continue reading

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True Blood 5.12 – Save Yourself

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO

PREVIOUSLY: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! True Blood, it is just like you to go full-hog awesome in the last twenty minutes of the last episode of the season.

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True Blood 5.11 – Sunset

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO

PREVIOUSLY: Penultimate episode! Shit is getting realer by the minute!

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True Blood 5.10 – Turn Turn Turn

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO

PREVIOUSLY: We were finally introduced to the only way to make it through this show: Oxycontin ground up and put in ginger ale. Also, two or three of the storylines were wrapped up via firearm, and ideally two or three others will be, too.

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True Blood 5.9: Everybody Wants to Rule the World

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO
PREVIOUSLY: Show is still bugnuts, previously doesn’t even matter, so LET’S TALK ABOUT THE CURIOSITY LANDING! Who watched the live feed? I was crying and trying to high-five all of the shouting NASA engineers through my computer and my excitement on Twitter made an inspirational Christian quote bot follow me.

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True Blood 5.08: Somebody That I Used To Know

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO

PREVIOUSLY: Does the previously part even matter anymore? Did it ever matter? This show is so bugnuts.

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True Blood Episode 5.07: In The Beginning

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO
PREVIOUSLY: Laura took over while I was in South Florida fulfilling my contractual obligations as a swamp thing, and from what I gather, the world was deprived of Meloni’s insane booty in a cruel and capricious act of violence perpetrated by Russell Edgington. Nothing else matters. I am despondent. Let us begin.

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True Blood 5.6 – Hopeless

Cockblocked by a freakin’ quilt. COME ON, TRUE BLOOD.

Our normal TB recapper Sam is out leg-wrassling gators in the Everglades this week, so I’m stepping in for this week’s episode. PREVIOUSLY ON TB: Creepy psych ward of horrors! (Any Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace fans out there?) Crap no one cared about! (I’m looking at you, Sam!) Tara got her bite on! And the most glorious and proper vampire ever, Russell Edgington made an appearance. And now for the weather.  Tiffany? [Greatest vampire moment in TB history, that was.] Continue reading

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True Blood 5.05: Let’s Boot and Rally

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO
PREVIOUSLY: I missed the PREVIOUSLY so I‘ll make up my own. Everybody turned into bunnies and we all learned a valuable lesson about friendship and hiding when there are falcons nearby.

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