Tag Archives: you have a tail?!

Orphan Black – 2×01 – Nature Under Constraint and Vexed

Skyping clone-style

Skyping, clone-style. But seriously, the effects team rocks.

Previously: Sarah comes to town and sees so many twins but they aren’t twins they’re clones! She meets Alison! And Cosima! And Helena! Hot Paul is hot! Alison hates Big Boob Blowies and Donnie! Goodbye creepy Olivier! Kira noooooooo! Felix wears something gay! We meet another clone named Rachel Duncan and Art is kinds figuring stuff out but he’s a terrible detective so not really and Alison lets Aynesley choke to death right in front of her and Cosima is sick and Dr. Leekie is a liar and Donnie is a liar and the DYAD Institute owes the clones and Sarah shoots Helena and someone took Kiraaaaaa and and and! Whew, what a season.

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Orphan Black 1.10 – Endless Forms Most Beautiful

Cosima is sad because this is the last episode

Cosima is sad because this is the last episode

Previously on Orphan Black: Kira was hit by a car, like, totally badly, but don’t worry, she’s fine. I’m pretty sure there was something in her stomach but the doctors didn’t say boo about it. Helena got locked in a cage by horrible Thomas and Sarah rescued her. Helena tried to kill Thomas for being evil. Alison walked into an intervention. Felix helped her stand up to them all. Cosima found out Delphine is a big fat liar and dumps her. Art finally figures everything out. Kinda.

It’s the season finale, guys! And what a finale! I can’t take all the heartbreak this episode dished out. I am officaly heartbroken. Sigh. Well…here’s the recap…please enjoy it. I’ll just be over there, in the corner, weeping silently but beautifully. Yes, beautifully.

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Orphan Black 1.09 – Unconscious Selection

 

So much lens flare. Someone went to see Star Trek!

So much lens flare. Someone went to see Star Trek!

 

Previously on Orphan Black: Art and his new partner Angela close in on Sarah. Alison got tired of Aynesley and her meddling Monitor ways so she revenge-banged Aynesley’s easy husband Chad. Alison and Aynesley fought in the street, like that old video game, Pacman. Ok, Street Fighter. I went all Mortal Comabat mode while they fought and kept screaming, “FINISH HER!” Alison got drunk and adorably showed up at Felix’s. Sarah took Alison to Mrs. S. and told her everything. Dr. Leekie sent Olivier his regards, which means Olivier is dead. Bye, Creepy! Cosima made sweet, sweet love to Delphine. To repay her for the incredible sex Delphine snooped in Cosima’s Clone File and told Dr. Leekie everything Cosima knows….except for the fact that Kira exists. See? Lesbian sex works every time. Helena found a sweet letter that Kira wrote to Sarah and used it to find Mrs. S’s house and got Kira to come outside. They walked and bonded. Kira touched Helena’s poor, achingly-lonely heart so she let Kira go instead of bringing her to Thomas for torture fun. Kira crossed the street without looking both ways first and was promptly ran the eff over. WE ALL SCREAMED. NOOOOOOOO KIRA NOOOO!

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Orphan Black 1.08 – Entangled Bank

Nothing good ever happens when you move a curtain aside to see what's out there

Nothing good ever happens when you move a curtain aside to see what’s out there

Previously on Orphan Black: Art and Angela re-start their investigation from the ground up. Hot Paul gets interrogated by Creepy Olivier. Felix wears guyliner and looks better than everyone else. Alison was away at a couple’s retreat with Stupid Donnie. Sarah rescues Hot Paul and they are in looooove. (YES GOD YES) Helena is friggin’ awesome: she has lunch with Sarah, rescues Sarah from Creepy Olivier, gets a name of a clone from Sarah, cuts off Creepy Olivier’s tail and then dances the night away in the club with the tail. Helena rules. Felix calls Art to tell him all about Beth Childs but when Sarah and Paul get out of the rave club alive he hangs up. Art talks to the cell phone for another 10 minutes cause he just can’t tell when someone hangs up I guess.

Guys. You guys. This show. Every week I say, “This episode was the best!” and then the next week happens and I jump off the couch after the episode airs, point my finger wildly at the TV and scream, “THIS EPISODE WAS THE BEST!!!!” Well guess what? THIS EPISODE WAS THE BEST.

Orphan Black tops itself as each episode airs. The writing is clever and funny, the pacing never drags, the story is riveting and the characters are fully-fleshed and interesting. There isn’t a dud in the bunch. Everyone’s story is fascinating. I feel sorry for anyone not watching this show. Sorry. Sorry cause you suck!

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Orphan Black 1.07 – Parts Developed in an Unusual Manner

Helena takes her killing and her food very seriously

Helena takes her killing and her food very seriously

Previously on Orphan Black: Alison goes all Guantanamo Bay on Donnie’s suburban ass and doesn’t let him go to the monthly potluck. Donnie’s sad ’cause he bought mulled wine for it and everything. Sarah and Felix help smooth things over. Paul acts super foreboding and then he kicks the sh-t out of Vic the Dick for trying to blackmail Sarah. Cosima falls hard for Delphine the Frenchie even though she’s fully aware that Delphine is her Monitor. Who’s the smart one now, Cosima? Cosima and Delphine get to meet Dr. Leekie (MAX HEADROOM YESSS). Dr. Leekie has secret evil sex with Delphine. Sarah confesses to Paul that she’s a clone.

Could this episode be any better? Answer: No. No it couldn’t. I almost died from the awesomeness that this episode delivered. Strap it on and strap it in cause here we go with the recap! LET’S DO THIS THING.

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