Mr. Overpaid is earning his money. Ashley and JP are engaged! Yippee. But how’s Ben doing after his horrible ride on the rejection row boat? Let’s find out…
Ben comes to the stage amidst a roar of swooning women. Everyone in the audience is volunteering to make Ben feel all better.
“Millions of people just watched a heartbreaking scene, where you got down on one knee and proposed to Ashley and she obviously turned that proposal down. Let’s watch what happened.”
Now remember, we just WATCHED this happen a few minutes before, but ABC really, really loves to rub salt and vinegar into the wound. Also, they need to make sure they fill up an entire hour of programming. So we watch Ben watch his rejection.
Wow. So uncool.
After we see Ben walk away from Ashley, the camera pans to the stage and the silence in the studio is deafening. Mr. Overpaid comes at Ben with the hard hitting question of “What’s it like to watch that again.”
“It’s like doing X with Ke$ha. How the fuck do you think it is watching that again?” Oh. Wait. My words, not Ben’s.
“Ah, it’s tough to watch. I really didn’t see that one coming.”
Mr. Overpaid talks about how genuine his reaction was and the audience applauds. Really? You’re applauding him for being real on a reality tv show? I mean I know we’re not used to REAL. But damn. C’mon. Don’t applaud him for being real.
Ben admits he was in love with Ashley and he doesn’t regret putting himself out there and opening up.
After more of the same, Mr. Overpaid says, “Ashley and Ben are about to see each other for the first time since she rejected his proposal in Fiji…”
So we come back to see Ashley come on stage looking a whole lot like Snooki. Her hair is dark and she’s wearing this awful AWFUL sequined mini-skirt and shimmery cowl necked shirt. The only two things she’s missing to complete her Jersey Shore transformation is a Pouf in her hair and boobs.
Ben and Ashley hug and he starts the conversation with “Nice ring.” And the crowd moans and I’m all AWESOME. He says he has a few questions for her and starts with “When did you know?”
Let me answer this for you Ben…Somewhere around Episode 3 I think…
Ashley never really answers, naturally. She says “There was a period of time that I thought you were the one I was leaving with, but in the end you have to follow your heart and that’s what I did.”
Mr. Overpaid asks Ashley “How hard was that day for you.” And she admits that it was gut wrenching because Ben is a great guy and she really didn’t want to end their friendship or cause him pain.
Ben says he left with dignity (and I agree) he was angry but didn’t act a fool…was just honest about it.
The next segment is spent with Ashley all by herself and I will admit to not caring enough to listen at this point. I really wanted to see how Ben was doing and I wanted to see if JP and Ashley were still all ooey gooey and stuff. But rehashing the discussion with Ben is just ridiculously redundant so I poured some more wine and went to my hammock for a while.
I’m back from the hammock to see JP and Ashley making out on stage. Oh and dry humping. Yep, the ooey gooey is still there.
In between make out sessions they talk about how much they love each other, compliment each other and my goo goo eyes at each other. AWKWARD. I’m gonna sum it all up…Ashley is moving to NY, they’re getting a place together, they’re gonna enjoy being engaged for a while and plan a wedding later.
Chrystie, Ashley’s sister of doom comes on stage and mea culpas all over the place. She apologizes. She says “Clearly I feel like the biggest jerk ever. After watching the season it was clear he was the one. Shame on me.” They hug it out and it’s all good.
And with that, we bring the Bachelorette: Season Ashley to a close. JP and Ashley are happy and planning to stay that way, and next week, I’ll be happy watching all the drama on Bachelor Pad where I will get to make lots of fun of Vienna Sausage and Jake and I’ll get my fill of Ames again. I hope he wears his awful red pants!