Melee ensues at the Rally for Tolerance as Antonia and Sparky Witchling join hands and start to Latinate. Eric jumps Bill and gets ready to get head cracky with death, but Sookie jumps Eric like she’s going for one last ride on his longboat. Sookie is wearing a heart print sweater that came straight out of my grade school closet circa 1982 (I know y’all are reading for the sex and death, but color commentary is my forte). Bill shoots Eric, and since that felt so good, he starts to shoot the hell out of everyone else. Sookie begs Bill not to shoot Eric again (he just winged him the first time) and then commands Eric not to let Antonia control him. Eric tells her to go home like she’s his annoying kid sister and then aims to stake Bill with a giant piece of set dressing. Sookie yells ‘No more!’ and throws a double-handed whammy of glowy fairy power at Eric. Antonia feels the control connection break and Eric gets his memories back in a super fast Viking-gory-Sookie-sex montage.
Antonia views the carnage (complete with an escapee from “Toddlers and Tiaras” sobbing in heartbreaking fashion for her mother to wake up, stage right) and wonders at what she’s wrought. Bill lunges at Eric, but Sookie tells him she thinks Eric might be…Marnie and her witchlings poof away as Nan tells everyone to start helping with the fall-out. Glamour time! Sookie and Eric stare at each other in weighty silence.
Jason and Jess re-buckle post vamp-lovin’. Jason feels regret over sleeping with Jess due to his long history of paste-sharing and Fantasy Football leaguing with Hoyt. Jess tells Jason he should let Hoyt be his own man. Jason tries to blame getting groiny with Jessica on her blood sharing, and not his own laundry list of impulsive actions. Jess calls bullshit on that, and she says that he wanted her. Jason agrees that he did and does and then asks her to glamour the memory of it away. She answers that glamouring him may help him forget his guilt, but who the hell is going to take care of hers? Pissed, she goes to find someone to eat.
Alcide drives a bleeding, choking and twitching Tommy to the hospital. Tommy tells him it wasn’t just the werewolf beat down; shifting into Sam has done something to him. He’s says he’s dying and begs Alcide to take him home to Merlotte’s.
The witchlings remain locked in at Moon Goddess while Tara and Holly hit the books. Tara argues that she doesn’t know Latin, does Holly know Latin? “Well, of course I know Latin, I need it for my job!” Holly snipes. Valid: chili’s Latin, right? What? Antonia arrives back with Roy and her zombie-fied Vampire Sheriffs and proceeds to go into a massive Sybil moment, increasing the freaked out vibe by a thousand.
Eric remembers everything (even that time you had a snark fest with Sookie while you continued to bang Yvetta-in-Chains? Harsh) but says nothing has changed about how he feels for Sookie. He tells her the man she loves is still there and begs her to just look in his eyes. She sees his true colors shining through, but the problem is Bill. When Eric was about to kill Bill (Vols. 1 and 2), Sookie realized that she couldn’t imagine a world without Bill in it. She tells Eric that she loves him but she can’t lie to him, she loves Bill, too. She fears that it’s just because she’s had their blood and it’s merely chemical (which would mean Sam also loves Bill and is playing it close to the chest) but Eric argues that it’s nothing so prosaic: he and Sookie gave themselves to each other completely; she is his as he is hers. Sookie appears swayed by his emo entreaty, but Pam enters sobbing and asks Eric brokenly, “Is it you?” Eric embraces her and agrees that it is. He tells Pam that Sookie broke the curse and Pam’s re-grown lips almost rot and peel again with the effort it takes to thank Sookie. Pam asks why Eric didn’t summon her immediately upon his return, and Eric looks at Sookie before he walks away, telling Pam they’ll talk about it later (this chat will no doubt involve some Plasma Chip Ice Cream and Pam telling Eric that Sookie isn’t worth a platelet of his blood tears).
Bill plans to blow up the outside world, or at least Moon Goddess, to annihilate Antonia once and for all. Sookie informs him that Tara’s in there and that Eric would still be a zombie and Bill would be dead if Tara hadn’t warned her of Antonia’s plans. Bill gets regal and says that he can’t risk vampire genocide to save one human, even if she is Sookie’s BFF. “Lovable, isn’t he?” Eric snipes. Eric avoids calling Bill bossy and short, but it’s in every syllable of the body language he’s posturing Sookie’s way. I’m just saying that a swelling chorus of Taylor Swift’s “You Belong with Me” would not be amiss right now.
Alcide carries Tommy to Merlotte’s just as Sam arrives home from his s’mores and ghost stories. Sam wants to give Tommy some V, but then he realizes that Tommy is dying and ready to die. Sam and Alcide assure Tommy of the awesomeness of Heaven (‘cause who doesn’t look good with a harp?). Tommy apologizes to Sam for everything he’s done, and Sam forgives him and apologizes for not being a better brother. Tommy tells Sam that he was the best part of Tommy’s life, and Sam turns away with a choked, “That is so fucking sad.” Sam tells Tommy that he is loved, and Tommy chokes his last breath in front of the brother he could never live up to and the werewolf who’s always on hand if you need someone carried in a muscle-ripply fashion.
Hoyt cries into his beer at Jason’s because he totally does NOT miss Jessica and her cuteness, and a guilt-ridden Jason agrees to let his Bubba crash with him for a while. Jason can’t take Hoyt’s cries of “Jessica! Jessica! Don’t say her name! Oh, Jessica!” and goes to stay with Sookie who subsequently recruits him to help her save Tara.
Terry discovers Andy’s V-addiction and takes him to their old tree fort, “Fort Bellefleur.” Terry’s repaying the favor Andy did for him when Terry returned from Iraq and hid in the tree fort like a psychotic squirrel. Terry and Andy fire up Terry’s weapons of paint can destruction, and hash out everything from hand-me-downs and poor relations to fry cook vs. sheriff class wars before they drop the guns and go to swingin’. Andy realizes that he’s seeing things and wonders if V has eaten his soul. Terry tells him that men without souls don’t cry (someone should text Eric). They hug it out, and Terry tells Andy he’ll help him any way he can and then drops a final bit of tough love on him as his truck peals out from Ft. Bellefleur and he leaves Andy to walk home a free man.
Sookie and Jason go to Lafayette and Jesus for help in rescuing Tara from Bill’s rain of fire. Jesus says he knows Marnie better than anyone and that he can reach her and break Antonia’s power. Unfortunately for Jesus and all of his demure charm, Marnie is more bat shit than Antonia. Antonia separates from Marnie and tells her that she was a healer, she only used necromancy to stop death; she did not come back to shed the blood of the innocent. Marnie informs Antonia that people are by nature, mean and cruel! Wow, someone always sat alone at the lunch table. But now, by her union with Antonia, Marnie has power! Real power: like how the yearbook staff is always composed of AV club nerds: you know the cheerleading pictures are gonna be blurry. Antonia agrees to help create a life without vampires and rejoins with Marnie.
Nan, Bill, Eric, Pam and Jess smolder in their silver. Bill tells Nan that this is all her fault, this is now a no-spin zone and he plans to tell The Authority just how much her fault it all is! Nan Oprahs that he gets true death, and Eric gets true death: it’s true death all around! Jessica just wants to kill shit. Sookie, Jason, Lafayette and Jesus go to Moon Goddess where Jesus informs them that the streets have been cleared with a repelling spell. Jesus tries to enter the magic boutique and gets jolted with a laser lightshow spell. Antonia goes out to meet Jesus and tells him he can prove his loyalty to witchdom by breaching her magic barrier. Jesus fights his way through the wall, calling on his family’s magic and morphing into demon form. Lafayette wordplays to Sookie and Jason that it’s just a Latin thing.
Marcus and Debbie smoke up and eyeroll about what a straight arrow Alcide is. The eye-rolling narrows into off-the-charts eye-fucking as Marcus leers into Debbie’s personal space and tells her maybe she needs to try a different wolf. Debbie must have had enough V and weed to believe all wolves are the same in the dark, because she’s into it. Sam and Alcide go to find Pack Master Marcus so that he can be informed that Sam will ‘strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.’ Alcide’s just tryin’ real hard to be a shifter’s shepherd.
Jesus marvels at Antonia’s power and then asks sweetly and with great humility to speak one-on-one with Marnie, because she is his teacher and his friend. Antonia is swayed by the chocolatey goodness in Jesus’s eyes and agrees. Marnie crazy-eyes to Jesus that the possession isn’t against her will, and in fact it isn’t possession but the glorious union of like souls! She tells him to feel her vibrations and Jesus is freaked by the unholy zinging of self-righteousness he feels from Marnie’s palm. Holly and Tara pick up Latin a lot faster than I did in 4th grade when we had to sing Adeste Fideles and together break Antonia’s protection spell, running out into the street. Marnie follows and zaps them, vanishing Sookie, Lafayette, Holly and Tara the hell back into Moon Goddess and hitting the reset button on her protection bubble before Jason’s horrified eyes.
Night falls and the vamp van, with Eric behind the wheel, pulls up and parks outside Moon Goddess while Bill, Eric, Pam and Jessica share significant looks of vampire superiority. They slide out in a bit of black leather eye candy. They appear to have raided Terry’s weapon stash as they hoist bazookas and begin a slow-mo walk toward the magic shop. A menacing cover of “Burning Down the House” by The Used gives the moment the Reservoir Dogs gravitas it deserves.