Supernatural 7.01 – Meet The New Boss

SPN_701 Counteracting God’s wrath with fried food and booze 

This season of Supernatural picks up exactly where last season left off, now if that confuses you, go do your homework. Go on, now. It’s only six seasons. I’ll wait.

That’s a lie; I’m not waiting for you. Come back when you’re caught up.

Like I was saying: same clothes, same hair, same perplexed Winchesters, same powered up, soul-juiced Castiel claiming to be the new God in town. This should go well. Bobby Singer, ever the voice of reason, is the first to genuflect for Castiel and urges his younger companions to do the same. Castiel must be God, or at least have the strength and will of God, because he stops the well-coiffed, well-built brothers from falling to their knees before him. He figures they shouldn’t go there if they don’t mean it, if they aren’t doing it out of love.

Already I can tell that this version of Castiel is not rational.

Unortunately, the Winchesters aren’t seeing what I see and try to reason with Castiel (Is it officially “Cas” or “Cass”? I’m Johnny-come-lately to giving the angel more than a passing glance or chuckle. Y’know what? I’m not getting into that spelling bee debate. And I’m not calling him “Godstiel” either) puts Sam in his place for being a backstabbing backstabber that stabs backs, tosses Dean a mocking compliment and then verbally pats them on the head like good puppies before disappearing. Also, remember Sam’s wall crumbling last season? Well, Sam has mentally left the building as of this moment. Thanks, Castiel!

Cut to a lovely scene of Castiel in high-contrast Heaven speechifying to the angels of the Lord. Well, the angels that remain at least, those that followed Raphael on the other hand are a prostrate field of corpses in Men in Black suits with burnt wings. This is going down as one of my top 5 SPN visuals of all time, huge kudos to the VFX team on this one because it looked wicked badass.

Back at Singre Salvage yard, we’re having a season two opener déjà vu as Dean fixes a crunched Impala, yet again. This poor vehicle, when it comes to suffering it is right up there with Elizabeth Taylor. Dean decides that figuring out what to do with a rogue angel with a literal God complex is entirely too difficult, so instead of learning a new skill he’s gonna stick to what he knows: drinking beer and rebuilding his car. Then after that he’s gonna do what he does the worst: fix Sam.

In the very next scene we see Sam up walking and talking and claiming to have dressed himself, oddly enough in the style of Jared Padalecki. Dean on the other hand, must have really been working hard on the Impala because judging by the limp bangs his hair gel seems to have become utterly exhausted. Oh yeah, and Sam is beginning to mildly hallucinate. See? He’s totally fine.

Castiel has been busy: he’s going around righting the wrongs of the world, while looking like a sexy, raincoat wearing, GQ mofo apparently. He’s starting with the Uncle Bad Touch preachers and the KKK. I’m not seeing the downside here. Wait… I think Castiel dropped some of Sam’s acid because he’s hearing voices now. He’s also knocking off motivational speakers and people that neglect to compliment him on his blue, blue eyes. Annnnd there’s the downside coming up from behind. Sam naturally wants to talk it out with Castiel, Dean naturally tells Sam that talking is overrated and gets you nowhere.

It’s about to turn into a family reunion, because Castiel has just bypassed every single scribbled sigil Crowley has scrawled on his brand new mobile home to interrupt Crowley’s afternoon whiskey. Crowley is ready to go out like a man, but Castiel tells him he’s not going to kill him, he’s going to let him continue to be the King of Hell, however Castiel will hand pick which souls Crowley gets to add to his census. Apparently, that’s how synergy works.

Sam’s having a nightmare or hallucinating, we’re not sure. Sam’s not sure. Bobby is baffled as to how Sam isn’t drooling on himself and Dean is thinking of enrolling in trade school so he can become a legitimate mechanic. This is a great scene, it gives us Dean walking us through his realistic denial, complete with the phrase “kicked in the daddy pills” (which I cannot wait to use) and somehow coming to the conclusions that enlisting Crowley to help them corral Death is the way to go. I get it, in theory at least, it’s the lesser of two evils. Or non-evils. Lesser of two all-powerful, neutralizers? Speaking of Castiel, he’s still doing God’s work, healing the homeless and trying to keep aliens from bursting out of his stomach. An omniscient being’s work is never done.

Armed with their Death binding recipe Bobby and the Boys go off to gather their ingredients. One of which is a piece of crystal formed by a lightening bolt that was auctioned off for what I’m sure was a bit more than the Winchesters can afford. In lieu of stealing it, Dean breaks into the owner’s home and, while held at gunpoint, subdues them. I would have loved to see that go down, but the idea of Dean: 1, Guy with a gun: 0 is enough for me.

Now it’s time to summon Death. I adore that the Winchesters and Bobby go with a classic B&E with side of simple assault instead of grand larceny and went ahead with their ritual in the Weiss’ household. It was not only a time saver, but also went a long way in helping the Weisses understand why they were bound and gagged. I was immensely pleased to see Death return, he’s the perfect balance of creepy old preacher from Poltergeist and snark. And you can also always depend on Death for the truth, because now Dean knows that Sam is seeing plasticine porters. I also want fried pickles now.

In the meantime Castiel is out blackout slaughtering a senator and her campaign gophers, Dean has moved on from sipping beer and engine tinkering to swimming in whiskey and watching hentai porn, Sam tries to pray to Castiel because he still thinks talking is the way to go. As long as he’s not talking about himself. I see why he was studying to be a lawyer, he’s all about the loopholes.

Sam gives up and goes to join Dean for a drink, though it seems he draws the line at watching animated Asian pornography with his brother. Prude.

Turns out Sam’s way was the right way to go, though, because Castiel shows up, a bloody, battered mess begging the cavalry to fix his mess.

And they will.

Well, Dean and Bobby will. Sam, however, is indisposed, the dam broke open and he is still the lunatic on the grass chatting away with none other than Lucifer!Nick. The family reunion keeps on trucking and if this were my reunion I’d be as drunk as Dean’s been for the past 38 minutes. Bobby once again chants the chant and Castiel offers himself up so the Leviathans can exit the building, flash of light and it all seems like it’s over. Really over, as in Castiel prone and lifeless on the floor over. The whole time I’m thinking to myself, “I’ve seen all the Scream movies. Not only is he super-human, he’s SO gonna wake up.”

And he did.

And he apologized, he vowed to make amends, he… freaked out and was taken over by the Leviathans and is now super strong a doing that disjointed movement thing from The Ring that makes my skin crawl in the best possible way.

So Castiel has gone from stern angel, to guardian angel, to bumbling childlike angel, to the angel that tried to plug the hole in the boat with his finger, to an all-knowing all-powerful facsimile of God and now he’s a gone. He is Leviathan, which seem to be lining up to be one of my favorite forms of evil: gleeful and unhinged.

Not a bad start SPN.