This Results Show is the first time the audience votes count without any interference from the judges. And you know what THAT means. That’s right, we’re going to have to find different reasons to hate Nicole. ::starts a list::
We kick off tonight with the Group Sing, which is a mash-up of Hey Diggity and Shout. Lo and behold, they all sound pretty damn good (although I myself would turn the station if this particular rendition ever played on the radio). And even more importantly, they all look gooood. I guess I’m never going to see Josh in a suit at this point in the game, but the scarf is dashing nonetheless.
I don’t usually say much about Steve because he’s like white noise – what can you remember about it? I do notice however that after the Group Sing, he promptly gives the wrong internet address for the show. Harumph. Ryan would never do that. Yep, I’m that kid who always talks about their old school and how it’s so much better than the new school. With much better hair, I might add.
But enough mean girl gossip. Wait, did I say enough? I meant not nearly enough! Steve tries to interview LA and his Boys, and Paula wanders first out of the shot, then walks in front of the shot, then kisses all three of them mwah! mwah! mwah! She’s so adorkably oblivious! Steve is still able to ascertain that LA is “a little nervous”, which he mentions several dozen times throughout the show. He doesn’t need to be, as one of his guys (or both, if the television gods hate me) will of course be guaranteed a spot in the final three, unless Drew comes scuttling out of nowhere and kills one of the other contestants with a bow and arrow a la Katniss Everdeen. Just think of the ratings!
Before we get to the gnashing and wailing, there’s a performance by Florence and the Machine, which makes my teenage daughter stroke out with unbridled ecstasy.
The judges take one last opportunity to comment on the final four, and for once they actually have insightful thoughts to share. For instance, Simon says that Marcus never complains or sulks even though he’s been in the bottom two for the last three weeks – he always sings as if he’s won. And about Chris Rene, whom Simon called a dark horse last night, “maybe we’ve all underestimated him”. LA admits he fears Josh because he has such a mainstream voice, and he compares Melanie Amaro’s voice to raw honey, which is a great way to put it!
The time for talk is over. Now we’re going to find out the first two acts who are going through to the finals. Every single judge and contestant looks a little green around the gills. And the first one going through is…Chris Rene! Athough I’m not surprised – damn, I’m surprised! I thought for sure it would be him and Marcus, duking it out to the last. I spontaneously do the happy clap when Steve announces his name, so I must be glad. Next act going through is…Melanie Amaro! After Rachel’s shocking elimination last week, I wasn’t counting my chickens just yet, and I gave a huge sigh of relief that the finals will have some truly outstanding grrrl power.
And now it’s time to find out the last act to go through…no, wait, it’s time to listen to Nicole sing. I sort of want her to crash and burn after she hung Rachel out to dry (booooooo), but instead to my pleasant surprise she’s really good. Engaging song, lots of emotion, and judicious use of the Holodeck. Also, and I’ve been meaning to say this all season, she has amazing jewelry. I don’t know where she finds it, but it’s always unusual and gorgeous. Good job, Nicole. As Simon so aptly puts it, “You transcend the universe.” He might not have been entirely serious, of course.
OMG, it’s time to find out who’s going home. I consider getting my husband to watch it for me and report back because I’m so nervous, but he’s upstairs watching hockey and refuses. For you, gentle readers, I suffer alone. After I cover my eyes and peek through my fingers, the last act going through to next week is…
Josh! The Reality TV gods haven’t forsaken me after all! ::sacrifices small animals in their honour:: Marcus is just as gracious a loser as we all knew he would be, chiding his family watching back home to stop crying, and assuring us (as he refers to himself in the third person) that this isn’t the last we’ll hear from Marcus Canty! Then LA gives him most awkward, emotionless hug goodbye since arms were invented.
And that’s it until next week, where all the acts performing hold equal space in my heart. As Buddy the elf baker would say: It’s go time!