X Factor USA 1.25 – Season Finale

Yoo hoo! Bruce Willis!

We’re down to the nail-biting final performances, and Nicole honours the night by dressing up as one of the flight attendants from The Fifth Element. 

It’s fitting that each of the finalists is from a different Group, because though they may love each other, they would also feed their opponents to a pool of starving barracudas  if it brought them an inch closer to winning. They’re all obviously terrified, but ready to rumble.

No messing around tonight — we go straight to the singing.

Josh Krajcik – Uninvited by Alanis Morissette: Josh begins this odd song choice low-key and a little creepy, which this song is no matter how you look at it. He’s just a few lines in when he shocks us all by…introducing Alanis Morissette. Who comes out and sings with him. And louder than him. And is on-camera more than him. Seriously? WTF PTB? What were you thinking? No prob having a duet oh, tomorrow night during the results show, but during THE ACTUAL PERFORMANCE? Good lord. For what it’s worth, Alanis is looking gorgeous (and is also flogging her new album of course). When Josh is done blowing kisses at AM, they peek in on Josh’s home town, where his grandma tells the world how throbby she is…with pride. She’s adorable, and I’ll bet she a barrel of monkeys when she’s been in the egg nog.

Chris Rene – Complicated by Avril Lavigne: Chris is breathless with nerves when he first starts to sing, but settles down a little bit. Just in time for, you guessed it, Avril to come out and sing with him. I don’t even know what to tell you. I appreciated all this Canadian content, but watching Avril, who can actually sing, duet with Chris, who actually can’t, is cringe worthy. She eats him alive, and I can’t really blame her because he is looking so good tonight it hurts my eyes. And don’t look to the judges for any sort of constructive criticism. They’re incapable of saying anything that might jeopardize future record sales by these three. The people from his hometown  are obviously delighted for Chris (“I made you a cake!”), and though they might be a little bit rough around the edges, they bring Chris to tears. A very nice moment.

Melanie Amaro – I Believe by R Kelly: Melanie hurries through the first verse of the song, because of course here comes R Kelly to sing the rest with her. Finally, two singers who are worthy of each other. They both sound fantastic, and Melanie totally holds her own against him – except for when he upstages her to prove he’s still the better singer than her. I don’t even. LA finally gives something of a thumbs down for her being upstaged (although…what was she supposed to do, push him behind her?). That’s because he knows that all that’s standing between Chris and that five million smackers is Melanie Amaro. Aw, the people at Melanie’s hometown church are so stoked for her. They would definitely jump through the camera and hug her if they could.

Before we get to the next set of songs, we have watch a performance by the Cirque du Soleil robots doing a dance number while Michael Jackson sings as the three finalists chant they don’t really care about us over and over. I can’t really tell you how I feel about it, because my soul is now numb.

Josh – At Last by Etta James: Before Josh sings, they show clips of him performing and his mom – remember her? She was so excited that he was auditioning for  The X Factor way back when.  I can only imagine how she’s doing tonight. And let me say again how much Young Josh looks like David Cook!  Anyway, on to the performance. What can I tell you? Josh has saved the best for last as he sings better than we’ve ever heard him, in my opinion. Whew! The man’s voice makes sweet, sweet love to us all. And his acoustic guitar, which is the only music accompanying him? Genius. As Nicole says, “Music loves you, Josh.” I don’t know what that means, but I agree anyway.

Chris – Homie What U Trippin’ On by himself: Chris comes full circle as he performs the original song he used at his audition. I don’t know if it matters that his vocal range is limited. All I know is that I have a huge grin plastered all over my face by the time he’s done. I can only imagine what they could do with this guy in the studio. No matter what happens tomorrow, I pray he gets a spread in GQ someday. Ahem. I mean I hope he stays clean and has continued success.

That's our boy

Melanie – Listen by Beyonce: Wow. It looks like Melanie was just toying with us up to now, because tonight she takes us by the throat and doesn’t let go until the last note of this song. She’s remarkable, stunning, ethereal, perfect. She lives it as she sings it, and we’re lucky to be able to share it with her. I’ve never seen Simon so excited! It’s the most enthusiastic standing ovation I’ve ever seen him give. He (somewhat obviously, seeing how she’s on his team) predicts she’s going to win the whole shebang, and I can’t say that I disagree.

Will Win: OMG I CAN’T DECIDE. I’ve watched a heck of a lot of these types of shows, and I’ve never seen one with contestants so close in talent and popularity. Okay, I’m not going to wimp out just because I’m so lousy at predicting these things…so I say the winner is going to be Chris Rene, by virtue of his rabid fan base.

Should Win: Melanie Amaro. But don’t worry. I fully expect to be buying her album next year regardless of the votes tonight. And Josh will never been slinging burritos ever again, either.  Make it so, number one.