The Vampire Diaries 3.13 – Bringing Out the Dead

This looks like the beginning of a love story.

This week, Klaus and Elijah ask Stefan and Damon out on a double-date, and try to romance them with wine and food and a roaring fire. We all know that Klaus has been crushing on Stefan since the 1920s, but I think Elijah is starting to show a definite interest in Damon. And who wouldn’t, with the way he flirts with absolutely everyone? If the show continues to give us this much pretty in every episode, I may never get off my couch.

Last episode left off with Elijah waking up from his coffin and yanking the heart out of one of Klaus’s hybrids. This episode picks up where we left off. Elijah is pissed at Klaus for daggering him, and he attacks. He beats up Klaus and throws him around the funeral room, destroying furniture as he goes. “Easy,” Klaus quips, “I just finished renovating.” Klaus opens one of the other coffins and undaggers one of his other brothers. “Use it,” Elijah dares. “You’ll have Kol to deal with.” For some reason this seems to frighten Klaus, but he quickly recovers. He tells Elijah that Mikael is dead, and they can be a family again, but he needs his brother’s help to get the final coffin back.

At Elena’s house, Alaric is nursing a hangover in the kitchen. He had a late night out with Meredith, and he ended up drunk-dialing her at 2 AM. He looks suitably embarrassed. Sherriff Forbes comes to the door and tells them she needs to have an off-the-record conversation with them. Liz has the stake used to kill the medical examiner. Ric recognizes it as one of theirs.

Elena calls Damon, who says Elena should “ask Ric if his dirty little doctor-friend had access to his weapons.” Alaric replies, “You’re on speakerphone, dick.” Heeee. Elena tells Alaric, “It’s not Meredith. I refuse to believe that your luck with women is that tragic.”

Damon rings off, because he’s out in the woods, meeting up with the newly undaggered Elijah. Damon greets him as “my favorite original.” See? The romance is starting already! Turns out that when Damon undaggered Elijah, he left a love note in his jacket pocket. Damon reads it off from memory: “Dear Elijah, let’s get together about the destruction of your brother. XOXO, Damon.” Damon’s XOXO made me LOL. Then Damon asks Elijah, “Any idea what kind of Klaus-killing weapon could be magically sealed in a mystery coffin?”

Next we see Stefan, Bonnie, and her mom in the Lockwood caves, where the locked coffin has been stashed. Abby says she doesn’t know if she can help open it, since she has no magic. Stefan tells her to dig deep and scrape out whatever she has left, then leaves her and Bonnie to get to work. Elena shows up and asks Stefan if he killed the medical examiner. Stefan replies bitterly, “Did you ask Damon if he killed anybody lately?” Then walks away.

Caroline meets up with Dr. Fell in the hospital. She’s there to pick up her dad, but Meredith discharged him last night. Caroline calls her dad’s phone and, with her super-vamp ears, hears it ringing inside a supply room. She and Elena go in and find Bill dead. He’s been stabbed in the gut, with his throat cut.  Caroline freaks out. Elena says Bill has vampire blood in his system – the blood Meredith stole from Damon and used to heal him. Suddenly, Bill pops awake.

In the caves, Bonnie’s leaning over the coffin, looking through her mom’s grimoire. They find a sealing spell like the one Abby used to bind Mikael in the tomb. On the side of the page, it says the spell requires two generations to bind it, so they deduce it takes two generations to unbind it. They get to work.

At the Salvatore mansion, Damon tells Stefan they have a dinner date with Klaus and Elijah. Aw, poor Klaus, he just wants his boyfriend back. Damon’s plan is to negotiate a fake truce, but in reality, they’re just stalling in order to give Bonnie and her mom more time to open the coffin. Stefan and Damon exchange a few bitter words about Damon kissing Elena, and then they’re off to meet their boyfriends.

At the hospital, Bill is in a room with Caroline, pacing back and forth. He doesn’t know who killed him; someone jumped him from behind. Bill’s body is in transition, but he tells Caroline that he won’t drink any blood. He’s prepared to die rather than turn.

Elena brings home the knife used to kill Bill, which sadly was not wielded by Uma Thurman. Alaric takes inventory of his weapons stash, and the knife is one of his. They conclude that Meredith is probably the killer because she has access to all of Alaric’s weapons.

Damon and Stefan show up at Klaus’s new mansion. He has a dinner all laid out for them, complete with scantily clad waitresses. Stefan says he wants to leave. Smiling, Klaus says, “You can stay and eat, or I can reach down your throat and pull out your insides.” Aw, Klaus, you really know how to romance a fellow. They stay and eat.

Klaus asks Damon, “Is this what you had in mind when you pulled the dagger out of Elijah?” Damon replies, “Well, I knew how he felt about you, so I figured the more, the merrier.” Then he winks at Elijah. See? Shameless flirting!

Klaus says he has confessed his crimes to Elijah; Elijah knows that Klaus killed their mother. Stefan makes a snarky remark about it, and Damon retorts, “Hey Stef, remember when you killed dad? Might want to dial down the judgement until dessert.” BWAH. The conversation then turns to Elena, and how both Salvatore brothers are besotted with her. Klaus says the allure of the Petrova doppelganger is still strong, and invites Elijah to tell them about the originator of the Petrova line.

Elijah and Klaus met a great beauty named Tatia when their family first settled in the new world. She’d had a child by another man, but despite this, every boy of age wanted to be her suitor, including Niklaus and Elijah. They fought over her, occasionally coming to blows, and became estranged for a time. Tatia’s mother was a powerful witch. She took Tatia away in an effort to end the feud. Later, they learned that it was Tatia’s blood they consumed the night their mother turned them all into vampires. Elijah and Klaus eventually reconciled, recognizing “the sacred bond of family,” in Klaus’s words. Elijah then makes a toast: “To family above all.” Damon and Stefan exchange a meaningful look.

At Caroline’s house, she and Elena sit on the front porch. Caroline says she can’t let her dad die, but Elena says the only thing he has is his choice. Caroline hated Bill so much for what he did for her, but now she just wants to save him. Then Caroline asks Elena what the hardest part was when she lost her dad. Elena replies, realizing all the things he wouldn’t be there for. Elena hugs Caroline, and then Matt shows up on her doorstep. He hugs Caroline too.

Bonnie and her mom are doing a spell over the locked coffin but not having any luck. Abby says the spirits are angry with her for leaving Bonnie. Bonnie says the spirits told her to find Abby, so it must be something else. She says her mom won’t open herself up to the magic. She then tells her mom that her dad and grams never talked about Abby. Bonnie had no memories of her, so she pretended her mom was dead. Abby says she can never tell Bonnie how sorry she is, but Bonnie says, yes you can. You can help me. They try the spell again, and this time, the candle flames leap up. Bonnie tries the coffin lid and it gives a little. She goes to call Damon, and while she’s gone, Abby hears a noise inside the coffin. Then it springs open.

At dinner, Damon gets a text from Bonnie: “Getting closer, need more time.” Damon makes a proposal: Klaus gets his coffin back, and in return, all the Originals leave Mystic Falls forever and leave Damon, Stefan, and Elena in peace – no grudges. Klaus says Elena’s doppelganger blood ensures that he’ll always be able to make more hybrids to fight on his behalf, and he will never leave her behind. If he does, one of the Salvatore brothers will eventually turn her into a vampire, or wind up getting her killed as a result of their feud. “The worst thing for Elena,” Klaus says, “is the two of you.” Damon and Stefan exchange a look, and they’re both obviously thinking that it’s true. Damon goes out to get some air and Elijah follows him out. Klaus takes the opportunity to feed on one of the waitresses.

Matt walks Elena home from Caroline’s. When they go into Elena’s house, the power is out. Elena gets some flashlights out of the cupboard, and when they turn them on, they find bloody handprints and footprints all over the floor. They track the blood upstairs where they find Alaric, stabbed in the gut. He’s alive, but just barely. He doesn’t know who attacked him – it could be human or supernatural, and his ring only protects him from supernatural death. Ric tells Elena that she has to kill him – since she’s the doppelganger, it will be death by supernatural means. The horror! Elena has lost everyone she loves, and now she has to kill her adopted dad in order to save him. But she’s totally up to the task. She takes a big honking butcher knife and stabs Alaric in the heart. Ric shouts, spasms, and dies.

Then we have a brilliant bit of sound editing, in which we immediately cut to Klaus as his mouth pulls away from the waitress’ neck, making a suctioning noise that flows beautifully from Alaric’s death gasp.  Klaus lets the waitress drop to the ground and tempts Stefan to feed, but Stefan doesn’t, um, bite. He says Klaus only agreed to this evening to drive a wedge between him and Damon, but Klaus says they’re doing that well enough on their own.

Damon and Elijah come back inside, and Klaus makes a counter-offer. He’ll guarantee Elena a safe and happy life, and says “the best thing for her is to be rid of you lot.” She’ll marry and have children, and every few hundred years there will be a new doppleganger for Klaus to drain so he’ll never run out of hybrids. Once the Salvatores give back the coffin, Klaus will ensure Elena’s safety for the rest of her natural life.

I have to wonder what Elena would think of this discussion. Two sets of brothers, negotiating for her future without even consulting her about what she wants? She’d stab them all in the heart with a butcher knife.

Klaus goes to stand by the fireplace. He holds out his hand for Stefan to shake, and asks if they have an understanding. Stefan takes Klaus’s hand and says, “Nice try Klaus, but no deal.” Klaus attacks Stefan in a rage and holds Stefan’s hand in the fire. It starts to peel and smoke. Damon moves to stop Klaus but Elijah holds him back. Klaus says, “Bring me my coffin before I burn him alive,” and Damon leaves. Elijah follows him.

At Caroline’s house, Bill is in her room looking at her trophies. They spend a few moments reminiscing about her childhood. Caroline begs her dad to live but he says it’s wrong. “People aren’t supposed to cheat death. It’s what I believe. Please respect it.” Caroline bursts into tears, asking how he can hate her so much. Bill says no, he loves her. She’s strong and good, and everything he and her mother hoped she would grow up to be. He tells her that parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children. “This is just life,” he says. “This is what it means to be human.”

Aw! I’m no fan of Bill’s, but I love his speech to Caroline. Because she is awesome, and I’m glad to see him finally tell her that.

At Klaus’s mansion, Elijah and Damon come back with no coffin. Instead, they have a tray covered with a napkin. Elijah unveils it to reveal two daggers. Uh-oh, it looks like the rest of the family is awake! Kol, Finn, and Rebekah all walk in and start stabbing Klaus with their daggers. Elijah tells the Salvatores to leave – this is family business.

Caroline and Elena sit deathwatch over their respective dads. Caroline eventually calls Elena to tell her that her dad has died. Elena asks Matt to stay with her until Ric wakes up. She’s clearly terrified that his ring won’t work, and says she can’t lose any more family.

Sherriff Forbes calls Elena to tell her that Meredith didn’t Uma Thurman Bill or Alaric. She’s been in surgery for the last six hours with an operating room full of witnesses. They don’t know who the killer is, but he or she is targeting members of the Founders Council. Just as Elena hangs up, Alaric comes back to life, coughing up blood.

Damon and Stefan walk through the woods, and Stefan admits Damon was right about undaggering Elijah.

Damon: Wow, actual acknowledgement of a job well done? You’re going soft, Stefan.
Stefan: So I guess I shouldn’t thank you for saving me from Klaus?
Damon: Shut up.

HEEEEEEEEE. Stefan says Damon could have let Klaus kill him, then he would have had Elena all to himself. Damon looks pained by the suggestion and replies, “I didn’t do it on her account.” Oh, Stefan. You should know better!

Stefan admits that he still loves Elena, and Damon admits that he loves her too. Then they go into the caves, where they find Bonnie and her mom unconscious on the ground. The coffin is open, and it’s empty.

At the mansion, Klaus’s siblings tell him they’re leaving town as soon as they kill the doppelganger. He won’t be able to make anymore hybrids, so he’ll be alone forever. Klaus says if they leave, he’ll hunt them all down. Elijah replies, “Then you’ll become everything you hate – our father.” Klaus shouts that he can’t be killed, he has nothing to fear from them. Elijah says he will, once they get that final coffin.

Just then the door opens and their mother, Esther, walks in. She’s dressed in Middle Earth – I mean, Middle Ages garb, apparently still in the dress she wore the day Klaus killed her. Esther approaches Klaus and asks, “Do you know why I’m here?” Klaus, in tears, replies, “You’re here to kill me.” She says, “Niklaus, you are my son. And I’m here to forgive you.”

Esther turns to the rest of them and says, “I want us to be a family again.”

Who votes for an Originals spinoff show? *RAISES HAND*

SHIRTLESS SOMERHALDER SIGHTINGS: This week we get treated to Shirtless Stefan instead, and I must say, he makes a tasty treat indeed.

QUIPPITY QUIP: “Makes me nostalgic for the time when Stefan was a bunny-snacking pacifist.”