The Women Tell All (sorta). Mr. Overpaid says, “This has been the most controversial Bachelor of all the seasons.” Now I’ve been watching this show for a long time, and I guess each season, they must one-up the last season, because Mr. Overpaid says that almost every single Women Tell All.
This is where Mr. Overpaid “shines.” He actually does more than look concerned, remind the girls to use their time wisely, and say “Ladies this is the final rose.”
The show starts off by introducing us to some former contestants who are going to be on the Bachelor Pad. For those of you who don’t know what the Bachelor Pad is, let me sum it up for you: Past rejects live in one house together where they are tasked to hook-up as much as they want and vote each other out while we watch. It’s “Big Brother meets Caligula” and it’s horribly hard to divert your eyes from the orgy. I just know someone is going to get Hep C from the Bachelor Pad Hot Tub one day…
Mr. Overpaid can’t stop building up the hype that Courtney is going to be on Women Tell All where she can face her accusers. I’m really hoping we’re going to get a gladiator-style judgement and if she’s found guilty of being Courtney, the lions will be released. She’s a tough broad for being so tiny, I’m sure she’d face the lions without any trouble.
First up: The “ladies”: Amber T., Monica, Jamie, Samantha, Erica, Jaclyn, Brittney, Elyse, Jenna, Jennifer, Rachel, Casey S., Blakely, Emily, Nicki, and Kacie B.
They discussed the first night…and Blakeley says, “I didn’t come to make friends, I came to met Ben.” You hear a few girls agree and Mr. Overpaid immediately introduces some of Blakeley’s more famous moments from the season, along with the comments the girls were making at the time, like: “What do you get when you combine a gingerbread man with a hooker? BLAKELEY!” and one of Courtney’s best lines: “Who knew strippers could play baseball.” All the while Blakeley is watching and listening and trying to keep her composure.
How much you wanna bet this turns into a Jello Wrasslin’ match? Well, it would if I were the producer.
They show Brittney leaving the show on her own, and Jamie ripping her dress trying to straddle Ben and then we finally see the clip of the year…Courtney and Ben stripping down to their naughty bits and playing handball in the ocean.
Mr. Overpaid asks Blakeley what made her step up the competition on the first night so much. She said it wasn’t a competition for her, it was about meeting Ben and only about meeting Ben. The girls can say what they want about her, they have no basis for their opinions. Jaclyn interrupts her a few times, mouths off, but Blakely tells her “Let me finish.” Blakeley remained calm and cool and Jaclyn (do we even remember her?) huffs and makes a face. Samantha confronts Blakeley by asking why are so many of us friends, but you didn’t seem to make any? Blakeley answered, “I’m a lot older than you, a lot more mature than you, and I don’t waste my time with small-minded people.” Then Samantha cursed her out and called her a bully.
Mr. Overpaid asks Brittney if all the drama in the house was one of the reasons she left. She says there were numerous reasons, one being there was no attraction to Ben whatsover. BRITTNEY IS MY FAVORITE GIRL OF ALL TIME. Because seriously, his hair alone would have been a reason to leave. Then Samantha confronted her hatefully about being bullied and that’s why she really left. Samantha is hellbent on bullying everyone on stage into agreeing with her. Brittney ends the conversation with: “You keep talking. Just shut up.” The crowd goes wild and Mr. Overpaid covers his mouth to fake-hide his laughter.
Did Samantha even get a one-on-one date with Ben? I don’t even remember her. She’s just one in a line of the nameless, rejected ho-testants who didn’t get her 10 minutes of fame on the show so she’s going to get it all on Women Tell All. I smell a new Ho for a future season of Bachelor Pad…
First guest in the hotseat on tonight’s show was Shawntel…remember her? The rejected ho from Brad’s season who showed up and tried to worm her way into Ben’s show? Yeah. I feel another dogpile coming on…
The girls all make faces as Shawntel takes her seat. They show clips from Shawntel’s brief time in San Francisco. They make sure they show plenty of clips of the current ho-testants making horrid remarks. “Brad rejected you, get over your life and move on. You’re a loser.” “She’s uglier in person and she has thicker thighs than I do.” “We don’t use Brad’s dumpster trash.”
Mr. Overpaid: That really hurts for you to watch? “It’s not fun.” She goes on to say that she could handle being called a bitch, but the body image comments were horrible and rude. She felt bullied the whole time.
Elyse is the first to speak: “I want to be sincere. I was blindsided. I was bitter and nervous and I just want to apologize.”
Rachel: “I feel guilty about how mean I was, but I do think it was the way you came in.”
EminEmily: “I learned there’s a right way and a wrong way to approach a situation that could be tense.If you had come in differently.”
Jaclyn: “I CALLED YOU A BITCH BECAUSE YOU WHISKED RIGHT BY US.”
Erika: “I’ll apologize all day long. It was rude. I don’t have tiny thighs girl…” (What?)
Shawntel wraps it up by saying despite all the hateful words, she has no regrets.
Next in the hot seat is EminEmily! We get her clips, full of her rapping magic and her obsession with Courtney…Mr. Overpaid says, “You had the brains, you had the beauty, you had everything Ben was looking for…so let’s see what happened.”
Emily admits that once she started talking about Courtney, he couldn’t see past the negative element to their relationship that she could never undo. Ben closed off at that point. She wishes she had followed Nicki’s perspective, which was “the true colors will come out.”
Two big things stand out to Emily and both happened in Puerto Rico. Ben skinny-dipped with Courtney while he was dating others…which took away the element of respect. It just made it about sex and not the relationship. Then she mentioned his tread lightly comment. She says the guy I want to be with would have said he wanted her to feel comfortable bringing her concerns to him.
In the end Emily says if Ben chooses Courtney then he’ll have to lie in the bed he’s made.
Nicki is up next. She was so close to the final two, but close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, y’all. How does she feel now that she “risked it all for love again?”
Mr. Overpaid: “You were in love with this man? When did you know?” There ya go, Mr. O. Get right to the hard hitting questions. “How did it feel to feel love again?” Another good one. “And the chemistry? It was so natural with you two…”
Nicki says she was shocked when she didn’t get a rose in Switzerland. She had no idea it was coming. She has questions, but she would never ask what she did wrong because she’s herself and that is never wrong.
It’s Kacie B.’s turn. Damn. She didn’t bring her baton. We see her clips which were full of tears and wailing.
“What hurts the most?”
“I feel like maybe I didn’t do enough.”
Mr. Overpaid: “From the beginning, you two had an instant connection. Where did it go from there?”
Kacie says Ben did a great job of reassuring her throughout the entire season, but once he met her family she was sent home and she just couldn’t figure out why… Um, Kacie hon. I’m not the smartest smartie in the wrapper, but I’m thinking this “he met my family, then I went home” is pretty obvious. Clue Cake. Take a bite.
Kacie finally admits that their core values and families were just too different and in the end that’s why they didn’t work.
And now we finally get to Courtney. They show all of her best clips. “Winning!” “How’d that taste coming out of your mouth?” “The girls here are making it easy on me. They are so naive they don’t even see it happening.” “Do you want me to bend over and take it up the tailpipe?”
Oh yeah. They are getting the Den of Vipers revved up.
Samantha: SHE WAS IN IT TO WIN IT! END OF STORY.
Erika: For as worldly as she is supposed to be, she has no idea how to play nice. She doesn’t know how to be respectful.
Kacie: She told Ben she tried to get along with everyone, but that’s not true. At all.
Casey S.: She was always consistently a sweet, sincere friend to me. I think she felt a strong connection to Ben and had her guard up. I don’t think saying ‘winning’ means she only wants to win. I think she thought she was being funny.
Mr. Overpaid: Did she come here to find love?
All the girls say no except Jamie who says she definitely saw a connection between Ben and Courtney.
Mr. Overpaid: If she apologizes, will YOU accept it? She’s waiting backstage and hasn’t heard any of this.
Nicki says, if she’s sincere, I’ll accept it. If not, I won’t.
Courtney joins the stage and all the women shoot her with daggers from their eyes. Some of them spit a little venom.
Mr. Overpaid: You look terrified. Why? (Wow. No wonder he makes the big bucks!)
Courtney: I am.
Mr. O: The girls are understandably pissed.
Courtney: It’s totally fair. I have a lot of regrets. I am disappointed with the way I acted.
Blakeley: Courtney, what did I ever do to you for you to call me a stripper?
Blakely: Emily apologized to you and you were horrible about it.
Mr. O: Yes. Why did you throw that in her face?
Courtney: I should have handled that differently.
Nicki: Why did you wait til the final three to apologize to Ben. Why wait til then?
Courtney: I’d had some time away from the house and time to think about my behavior and I felt horrible. I felt like I’d behaved in a way I would never be able to recover from. I had to clear things up.
Mr. Overpaid: Who believes Courtney or who thinks she’s only here to repair her image.
Jennifer: For her image. You didn’t even know my name 6 days in.
Emily: it was hard for every last one of us. If you want to sit here and say if you did this because you were insecure, we were too. And we were human beings and became friends and supported each other through it.
Courtney is pretty visibly upset but is holding her head up. She’s wiping a few tears before they fall with a tissue and isn’t really arguing. She is trying to say the right things, but the girls aren’t willing to believe her because they truly think it’s all about her image.
“I just want to say I’m sorry. We all came in for the same reason, and I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I’m not a mean-spirited person, I did not react to this well and I can’t apologize enough.”
Emily: You wouldn’t accept my apology, are you asking us to forgive and forget which you refused to do?
Courtney: I don’t expect you all to except my apology but I hope you will.
Her voice starts to crack and she openly starts to cry. “I’m sorry. This was awful. I’m sorry for everything I said. I was defensive. I should have done things differently. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I can’t say it enough. I’m sorry.”
The studio is quiet and some of the girls seem to soften but nobody says anything supportive to her.
And now it’s Ben’s turn. He has a lot to answer for…or so Mr. Overpaid says.
Jennifer: We had an amazing date then you sent me home and kept Blakeley. Why?
Ben: Your feelings were stronger for me than mine were for you at that time. I didn’t see us dating after the show. I never compared you guys to each other.
Nicki: You are the best man I’ve ever met in my entire life. I want you to be happy. If you’re not already hurt, I’m afraid you will be. What were your doubts about us?
Ben: You’re an incredible woman. I don’t know what it was in that moment, it’s difficult watching the show now. I didn’t expect it to be so hard.
The show ends with us seeing clips from the entire season of the final two women, Courtney and Lindzi. And we see little images of the rejects’ very sad faces as they watch along…
Next week, we finally see Ben choose the love of his TV life. Will he pick Courtney? (duh) or Will he choose Lindzi? (um, c’mon…haven’t you guys been watching?) Besides, bad girls are hawt.