The Bachelorette; Season Emily; The Finale & After the Final Rose

These episodes are now referred to as The Sleeping Pill. There is no way you could stay awake watching them.

There is very little about these 2 episodes that is worth reporting other than it cemented the fact that I really like Emily a lot. I think she’s aces. The bees kness. The cat’s pajamas.

She’s a pretty cool chick.

But no matter how cool or how in love she is, and no matter how creative the producers are, the finale and AtFR episodes were snoozers.

First we have Jef-with-one-F meeting the family. Mom is so botoxed that only her bottom jaw moves when she talks. She seriously looks like a puppet. I’ve never seen a face so paralyzed in my life. And it’s not that she didn’t seem like a pretty fun lady, but damn she had some Dumbo Ears goin’ on. I was afraid she was going to sneeze and her ears would flap and she was gonna just take off. (See how boring this show was? I’m reverting to talking about botox and big ears.) BTW, I TRIED to find a picture of her, but sadly, I could only find images of the back of her head…

Jef completely won the family over without even trying. He brought the women flowers, told the brother Ernie everything a brother would want to hear, and ask Emily’s father for permission to propose. (FTR, Emily’s daddy sounded just like my daddy. It was freaking me out a little bit.)

We see in the private interviews where the whole family admits they don’t even know why they’re meeting Arie because there is no way he’s going to top Jef.

And then they meet Arie and they love him, too. (Although Arie was extremely nervous. So much so he had diarreah of the mouth). Arie won the family over when he told them he was having a hard time deciding what gift to bring them, then he presented a beautiful hand-carved box with all the roses Emily had given to him over the season. Very nice.

Emily wants her family to tell her which guy to choose because she is convinced she’s in love with them both and can’t choose. Her family is all “Your life, your decision. We like them both.”

Jef and Emily meet for the final date and Jef asks Emily if he’s going to get to meet lil Ricki. Emily says that she hadn’t planned on anyone meeting her yet because she just doesn’t think she’s ready. Jef asks her to reverse the roles. If she was about to be engaged to someone who had a daughter that he had never introduced her to, how would she feel.

“Disappointed. Like maybe he didn’t trust me.”

And so of course, she decided to let Jef and Ricki meet. Which should tell you all you need to know about the rest of the show. End. Game.

The next day Mr. Overpaid comes to Emily’s room. “I hear you wanted to talk?” We find out that Emily has made up her mind. She’s teary-eyed and hurting but she knows the right thing to do is not have a final date with Arie; that it wouldn’t be fair to keep him any longer. She would like to spare him the humiliation of having his proposal rejected. And I have to say, THEY SHOULD ALL DO THIS. Emily is a class act.

Of course, Arie doesn’t know this yet so he’s preparing for their date in this beautiful herb garden. He’s picking flowers and making a homemade love potion. Naturally, he’s very excited to have Emily try it on. That awkward moment that you rub a love potion on your girlfriend’s wrist and you still get dumped…

Emily says those three magic words “Can we talk?” and Arie obliviously says, “Sure!”

Emily is nervous and crying and stammers through her breakup by telling him that from day one, it had only been him. She had only seen him as the guy in the end, but then something changed. Arie’s face went from confused, to sad, to stone cold in a matter of seconds. He didn’t understand but he told her “That’s okay. I get it. I’m gonna go now.”

She tried to stop him and Arie said, “What do you want, Emily? You’re not going to get what you want from me. I wish you luck and happiness. That’s all I can give you.” He also thanked her for sparing him the embarrassment of proposing.

Emily walked him to his car, he hugged her tight and kissed her cheek and drove off into the sunset.

It was heartbreaking to watch, mainly because I needed to see one more panty-melting make-out session…

The next day Jef puts on his million dollar tailor-made suit that was probably hand spun from special silk worms. He looked GOOD. He picked out a beautiful GIANT diamond and walked to the final rose stage. Emily told him it was just the two of them left, that she didn’t even go on a final date with Arie. She sent him home yesterday because she wanted today to be all about them.

He got down on his knee, proposed beautifully, and after a 10 second pause, Emily finally said yes. Out runs Ricki and that concludes this season of Will You Be My Baby-Daddy!

During this 2 hour show that should have been about 45 minutes, we got lots of flashbacks, interviews with previous contestants, and audience reactions but not a whole lot of action

After the Final Rose was live right after the show and they promised us LOTS OF SUPRISES, but we got nothing new. We had Bachelor Pad previews, we saw the proposal again with Jef and Emily watching. Jef and Emily confirmed they are still together and very much in love and Jef will be moving to Charlotte.

We got some closure on Arie who says he’s finally moving on and doing well.

And that’s it in the nutshell.

Most boring 3 hours of TV on earth. We really needed a dancing monkey and a drunk goat. That would have livened things up!

I’ll miss kissing you Arie! Come back soon!!

Melt my panties one more time!