Dexter 6.1 – Those Kinds of Things

“I have no idea what ‘hammer time’ is… or how it differs from regular time.”

Dexter wanders around the warehouse district in the middle of the night, wielding a bloody knife. Something is very wrong. He dials 911 on his cell phone: he’s been stabbed. Two paramedics arrive promptly, sirens blaring. Dexter is on the ground now. Oh, this is not good. As the first responders lean over him, putting on their rubber gloves, Dexter swiftly sticks two syringes of M99 in both of their necks. The two fellows come to in the back of the ambulance. They’ve been letting some of their patients die, supplying the bodies to an ER doctor who sold the parts. Dex finishes the job with the defibrillator.

Dexter is doing well in the year after Lumen’s departing. He’s become better, stronger, and all is well. He has started renting the apartment next to his, giving Harrison SO much more room for activities! Angel’s little sister Jamie has replaced Sonya as Harrison’s nanny. And he’s getting big, too – he has a preschool “interview” in the morning. Life still goes on.

Deb and Dexter get a tour of the preschool, Our Lady of the Gulf, from one of the nuns who runs it. The place is pretty swanky, and its secondary school has turned out tons of Ivy League students. The sister asks about Dexter’s religious background. Apparently he doesn’t have one. Dexter still isn’t sold on the school, partially because of the religious aspect. Dexter’s got the Code. That’s all he needs.

Maria is getting promoted to Captain! Masuka leans forward in his chair and asks Deb if she thinks LaGuerta and Matthews are sleeping together – they do seem awfully friendly, but it’s common knowledge around the station that they actually hate each other. After the ceremony, the new Deputy Chief Matthews meets LaGuerta in the parking garage. Apparently, her promotion and their apparent affair is nothing more than blackmail. Maria found a madam’s little black book, and Matthews was listed in it several times. Matthews doesn’t want to hear about integrity from her – she divorced Angel as soon as she found out he wasn’t a career man. Matthews warns her to watch her step.

Dexter prepares for his high school reunion. Deb doesn’t understand why he wants to go. Of course, it’s never as simple as “catching up with old friends.” He rifles through some photos of a girl named Janet Walker (nee McKellan). Dex didn’t have many friends, but Janet was always nice to Dexter. Her boyfriend, Joe, was captain of the football team and an abusive boyfriend. They got married right after school and moved to Virginia. Janet was found dead three years ago. It was ruled a suicide, but there was blood under her fingernails. Dexter is hoping Joe will be at the reunion.

Out in the swamp, Colin Hanks rows a boat through the water. An older man guides him. He finds the perfect specimen: a pregnant Florida water snake. They give birth to live young, and as Colin examines the snake, the babies slither under its skin. They only need seven of the little ones.

At the reunion, Joe Walker is surrounded by old friends. Dexter puts on his old class ring, which has one new feature: a sharp point so Dexter can draw a small amount of blood when they shake hands. He will be able to test the blood against that found under Janet’s fingernails. Dexter is finding out that people actually do remember him, and people keep greeting him and getting in his way as he tries to get to Joe. Harry tells him his cool job, his personal tragedy, and his better appearance makes him popular. Dexter hates it, but Harry tells him to enjoy it. Might as well!

Dexter finally gets his chance to talk to Joe, who is alone for the first time all night. Dex puts out his hand for a shake, but Joe fists bumps instead. The sharpened edge of the ring pricks Dexter’s palm, giving him a sample of his own blood. Joe feels angry about Janet’s suicide – how could she leave him like that?! He’s quickly distracted by Trisha Billings, Prom Queen. Joe’s one regret in high school is that he never slept with her. This guy is becoming more of a douchebag by the second. Dex needs to find a new way to get a drop of Joe’s blood, so he signs up for the touch football game that weekend, where Joe is due to play QB.

Colin Hanks and his older friend watch a man set up his fruit stand by the water. Colin makes his way to the fruit vendor, quoting, what I can only assume, is a verse from the Bible. He asks for some oranges. While the vendor is busy filling the order, Colin pulls a huge, old-looking, rusty knife from his bag.

Angel is now the acting LT, and LaGuerta promises him the position will soon be permanent. She is going to recommend him for the job. Angel thinks he wants to stay out on the streets, but LaGuerta asks him to at least consider it. The look on his face tells us all that he really does want it.

Dexter is trying to study football terms when Deb interrupts him to head to a crime scene. It is, unsurprisingly, at the fruit stand from earlier. No body, but lots of entrails. Masuka tries to impress three potential interns with his knowledge. They will have to earn the coveted title of intern. Dexter uses the blood to find where the victim was disemboweled, but they couldn’t find the body. Dex has to head out, anyway – he has to go to his football game!

Dexter is constantly on the ground. He’s not an athlete. Worse yet, the lancet he brought to get a small sample of Joe’s blood is crushed by another player. In the huddle, Harry gives Dexter a new plan: his role as an offensive lineman is to stay close to the QB. During the next play, all he has to do is give Joe a jab in the nose with his elbow – “make him bleed, Dexter.” It works. Dexter quickly mops up the blood with a tissue. Later at the station, he runs the blood. It matches. Tomorrow night, Joe is going down.

In the wee hours of the morning, a runner on the beach finds a body washed up on shore. Masuka has his intern photographing the scene. The victim was stabbed, not drowned. Masuka lifts up the victim’s shirt to reveal big incisions that were then stitched back up. His name is Omar Rivera, and he is, indeed, the fruit vendor. The stitches are in the shape of the Greek Alpha and Omega. The skin begins to move, and Dexter cuts the stiches. The baby water snakes slither out and Dex and Masuka bag them as quickly as possible – there are seven total. Masuka’s intern faints. What kind of message are the snakes supposed to send? Dexter knows they’re not dealing with an amateur.

Wiggle wiggle!

Dexter is at the last night of the reunion, planning on getting Joe. He’s interrupted by Prom Queen Trisha. She thanks him for saving her in high school. She used to sit behind him in class and copy all his test answers. As a thank you, she strips down to her skivvies and goes downtown. While she’s busy getting dressed, Dexter takes her cellphone. He texts Joe, asking to meet at the groundskeepers shack for some fun. Dex tries to M99 Joe, but he knocks the needle out of Dexter’s hand. Dex gets his arm around Joe’s neck and he goes down easier than Prom Queen Trish – hey-oh!

Joe admits to killing Janet because they were having marital problems and a divorce was too expensive. Wow. Dexter asks how Joe can reconcile what he’s done with his belief in a higher God. Joe explains that God forgives everyone, if they truly repent, even for murder. He appeals to fire and brimstone to try and scare Dexter. Dex knocks him out with a hammer to shut him up before finishing the job.

Deb and Quinn are out to dinner. He’s been acting really weird lately. He excuses himself to the bathroom and practices his marriage proposal in front of the mirror. Aw, so that’s why he’s been acting so strange! While he’s in there, a shooter comes into the restaurant. Deb gets a few shots off on him, but he’s wearing Kevlar. She gets him in the leg before tackling him to the ground. Quinn runs out from the bathroom and cuffs him. A patron catches the whole thing on his cellphone.

Colin Hanks and his friend look out over the water at sunset, quoting a Bible verse about a serpent with seven heads, wearing the name of blasphemy. The older gentleman smiles: “It’s begun.”

Dexter kill count: 3