Dexter 6.3 – Smokey and the Bandit

“Is this what happens to serial killers at the end of their lives?”

Morning at the Morgan apartment. Angel’s sister readies Harrison’s breakfast, Dexter enjoys a coffee, and Deb anguishes over what to wear on her first day as LT (she opts for a jacket over her normal work attire). The Morgan siblings get messages from Dispatch: nothing to start the morning like a probable homicide. Dex questions Deb’s decision to go to the crime scene, because LaGuerta never went unless it was high profile. She agrees and goes to the station instead.

At the abandoned church where Travis and his old man BFF hang out, a man is shackled to the floor. Travis kidnapped him from the park in the wee hours of the morning. He begs Travis for freedom, but Travis tells the man (Nathan) he needs to repent for his sins. Nathan cries and Travis leaves him to beg for God’s forgiveness.

The crime scene consists of a dead woman, probably a call girl. The car at the crime scene is the same that Burt Reynolds drove in Smokey and the Bandit (hey, that’s the name of the episode!). Dexter notices a chipped tooth; Masuka says it probably happened in the beating, but Dexter thinks that someone tried to rip it out. Quinn shows up late to the scene. He plants one on the hot blonde that dropped him off. He tells Angel that Deb dumped him when she got promoted, but Angel doesn’t believe that. Quinn looks worse for wear and he acts like a huge asshole. What else is new?

Deb goes through some resumes to try and find her replacement. LaGuerta butts in and tries to tell her who to hire, and how to prepare for her first briefing. Angel watches from his desk and calls Deb on the phone, advising her not to let LaGuerta force her in to anything and telling her to stand her ground. He is so awesome.

After Harrison goes to bed, Dexter pulls out a notebook from the late 70s and 80s. It’s a scrapbook of newspaper clippings about serial killers he had been tracking. Harry recalls the day he found that notebook and sadly wishes it had been a stack of Playboys. Dex thumbs through a few pages about the Tooth Fairy, a serial killer from Oregon who took his victims’ lateral incisors as trophies. He was never caught. Dex surmises there might be a connection with the body they found that day. Harry reminds Dexter that the Tooth Fairy would be in his 70s at least, and why would he come to Miami? Really, Harry? Florida is an Old People Mecca!

Dexter visits Coral Islands, a retirement home, pretending to be trying to find a place for his dad. He asks if they have anyone else there from Oregon, because his dad’s pretty quiet and lonely. Luckily, they have three! The woman at the front desk leaves for a moment, and Dex checks out her computer. Walter Kenny is the only one who could be the Tooth Fairy.

Masuka shows his hot intern Ryan a box of evidence from the Ice Truck Killer case. Apparently, she is obsessed with the case. Masuka pulls out the prosthetic arm that they found. Ryan gushes that she painted her nails in the same way for a whole week – lyk omg u gais. She holds on to the arm for a little too long, but Masuka reminds her they’ll be late for the briefing. Deb rocks the first part of the briefing. Then Quinn opens his mouth, wanting to leak some of the info about the snakes case to the press in hopes that they’ll get a lead. Deb says no, but LaGuerta sticks her stupid nose in and backs Quinn. Angel will write a press release.

Dexter meets Walter at the golf course and pretends to be down a partner. Walter is a cranky jerk. He hates Florida and he has a filthy mouth and he cheats at golf. Walter throws his back out during their game, so they spend the afternoon at the club bar. Walter wears a dental implant for his lateral incisor – the same tooth he pulls from his victims. Brother Sam calls Dex to let him know his car is ready. Walter asks Dexter for a ride to run some errands tomorrow. Perfect.

Bro Sam is pleased that Nick, the kid from the previous episode, is working really hard and is off the drugs. Sam invites Dexter to the beach on Sunday for a company picnic/ocean baptism (Nick is accepting the Lord). The good Brother hopes Dexter will come show his support for Nick because he helped turn the kid’s life around. And hey, if he finds God while he’s there, that’s just a bonus.

Dexter meets Walter at his apartment. While Mr. Sunshine finishes getting ready, Dexter does a little snooping around the sad, lonely apartment. Dexter is examining a photo when Walter rejoins him, explaining the little boy is his son who he can’t even get on the phone. Walter has alienated everyone in his life and now lives alone. He has trouble getting out of the car and asks Dexter to get his script, some beer, and a few porno magazines. Gross. They make a final stop at a storage place. Walter tells Dexter he’ll take the bus home from there.

I don’t understand why he didn’t get that part in Magic Mike.

At the church, Nathan manages to free himself, miraculously. The building appears empty. He almost gets to the door when a horse rears up out of nowhere. Nathan falls, and Travis pulls him out of the way of the horse’s hooves. Nathan prays through his sobbing, and the Old Man deems him ready for the next steps.

Walter spends two hours in his storage unit. Once he leaves, Dexter picks the look and lets himself in. There are a few boxes and a lawn chair inside. Dexter finds a small box, not unlike his box of slides. It’s filled with teeth. Walter is the Tooth Fairy. The teeth are all he has left. Is this what Dexter has waiting for him at the end of his life?

Dexter is on his way to Walter’s apartment to kill him when the man himself calls. He’s stranded at a bus stop – he took the wrong bus and had been riding around for hours. Walter thanks Dexter, and then pulls a gun on him. Walter checked Dexter’s car registration while he was in the store and then “Goggled” (lol old people and technology) him. He knows he works for Miami Metro and thinks he’s going to arrest him. Dex has no choice but to do as Walter says. Dexter purposely crashes into a fence, setting off the airbags. The gun goes off.

Deb asks LaGuerta if she wants to sit in on her interview with her top pick for her old spot. LaGuerta thinks Deb is making a huge mistake because her top pick is Mike Anderson, a guy from Chicago. Maria has absolutely zero faith in Deb, but Deb stands up to her and says she’s going with her gut. Deb introduces herself to Mike, who doesn’t believe she’s the LT and asks her to get him coffee. Deb basically tells him what’s up and Mike apologizes. Seriously, any doubts Deb has about being the LT are for naught. She’s amazing.

Walter wakes up strapped to the recliner in his apartment. Dexter is annoyed that he had to wreck his car – again. Walter realizes what Dexter really is, and tells him that he will end up in the same position some day. Dexter is looking at his future right now. Walter can’t wait for his son to find out who he is. That’s when Dexter changes his mind. He would never want Harrison to know who he was. Walter will die from a heart attack as a sad old man. Dex suffocates him. No one will never know he was the Tooth Fairy. Dexter dumps the box of teeth into the ocean.

Let’s check in with everyone. Angel drives somewhere in his new Smokey and the Bandit car. Quinn bangs some random chick, looking sad and full of self-hatred. At the station, Ryan sneaks the prosthetic arm from the ITK case into her bag. Stealing evidence, intern? Dexter tucks Harrison into bed and then tucks his newest blood slide into his box. Walter wanted to pass on the misery his life had become. What will Dexter pass on? As he muses, he drops his box of slides. One breaks, and Dexter doesn’t know which slide goes where. There’s no order anymore.

In the bright Florida sunshine, two horses gallop down a main road, both of them with the alpha and omega painted onto their foreheads. Two “men” sit atop of them, make from the mannequin pieces. Nathan’s bloody head tops one of the plastic bodies.

Oh hey girl hey!

Dexter kill count: 1