Oh Teen Wolf. Bless you for opening this episode with a sweaty locker room scene. Scott drags his lacrosse gear off and throws it to the ground with a dramatic sigh, because his life as a hot wolfy duder is super difficult now that his gorgeous new girlfriend’s dad is apparently a werewolf hunter who wants to kill him.
Stiles notices his BFF’s sad puppy face (or possibly his shirtlessness) and stops to see how he is. He assumes that since Scott apologized to Allison and was given a second chance, everything is supercool. Of course it’s never that easy, Stiles. Scott explains about the hunter situation, and Stiles is rather uncharacteristically at a total loss for words. Yes, Stiles, it was Allison’s father! He shot Scott! In the woods! With a crossbow! Do you need a diagram?
….okay here is a diagram.
Scott descends into a flaily freakout, so Stiles pulls himself together enough to slap Scott out of his madness, kind of. Scott’s pretty sure Mr Argent didn’t recognize him, but he has no idea if Allison knows about her dad’s seekrit nighttime activities. Coach Finstock calls everyone out to practice before either one of them can panic further.
Lacrosse practice starts but really all I notice is Jackson. I hope nothing plottily significant happens in this scene, because I am going to be super lost.
The team is lined up in front of the goal taking practice shots, and it’s Jackson’s job (with his “long stick,” tee hee) to block them from even getting close to the goalie. Scott’s first in line, and from the look on his face I guess he thinks this will be easy peasy lemon squeezy. But Jackson’s ready for him, and they crash like drunk goats. Scott gets smashed to the ground.
I am sorry but if there is anything on Earth more adorable than Stiles’ OMG face in this scene then I would like to have documented notarized evidence of its existence.
So yeah, I am pretty sure Stiles is actually made entirely of cookies.
Coach Finstock’s douchey pep talk brings out a bit of wolfly!Scott and this time, things don’t go so well for Jackson. He’s not the only casualty, though, as Scott’s completely lost control of his wolfishness. As Stiles drags him off to the locker room, we see everyone’s favourite sexy lurker, Derek Hotass Hale, lurking lurkily on the sidelines.
Once they’re alone in the locker room, things don’t get any better. Scott wolfs out and chases an increasingly panicked Stiles all over the place until, when finally cornered, Stiles turns a fire extinguisher on Scott. The shock of it makes Scott rehumanize, and he seems to have no memory of trying to hungrily devour his BFF. Stiles goes straight in with the I TOLD YOU SO DUDE, reminding Scott that any time he loses his temper, this will be the result. Looks like Scott’s not going to be able to play in Saturday’s game, first line or not.
That evening, Scott’s moping around his bedroom when his mom stops in to chat with him before leaving for her evening nursing shift at the local hospital. She’s planning to take off on Saturday to watch Scott’s first lacrosse game, and Scott practically throws himself to the ground in epic despair. (Since he is already laying face down on his bed this is Super Effective.)
Mama McCall gets a closer look at her super emo son and notices that he looks like crap—he looks like he hasn’t even slept in days. Scott claims it’s just stress from school and stuff, and his mom seems to buy it.
Later, Scott’s facetiming with Stiles and discussing Jackson’s injuries—a separated shoulder means he’ll probably be out of next weekend’s game. Since Scott is basically the nicest dude ever, he feels really bad about his wolfish madness, even though Jackson was totally doing his best to wind Scott up. He’s about to descend into some emo wibbling when Stiles gets a really skeeved-out look on his face—he can see someone standing in the shadows behind Scott.
Of course it’s Sexy Lurker Derek Hale, who apparently thinks nothing of creeping silently into the bedrooms of teenage boys late at night. Derek flings Scott against the wall and scares the crap out of him, yelling about how Scott shifted in front of everyone and put both of them in terrible danger. DEREK YOU HOTASS BULLY. It’s not like Scott knows how to control it yet, dude, he’s been a werewolf for 3 whole days.
Derek’s glorious cheekbones and godly physique have apparently given him wildly unrealistic expectations for the capabilities of the rest of humanity. How sad. He pins Scott to the wall in a hilariously blatantly homoerotic fashion and promises that if Scott even thinks about playing in Saturday’s game, Derek will kill him.
Then Derek disappears into the night like Batman, except with less cape swooshing.
Next day at school, Scott tries to tell Coach Finstock that he can’t play in the lacrosse game on Saturday night. Crazyface Finstock is really deeply uninterested in Scott’s increasingly crappy excuses, and Scott finally admits that he’s having some “issues dealing with… aggression.” Coach Crazyface thinks aggression is SUPER AWESOME for lacrosse, so this clearly is not going to work. Furthermore, he tells Scott that if Scott can’t handle the responsibility of being on the first line, then he’s back on the bench until he puts on his big puppy panties.
Scott shuffles off down the hall looking a little shell-shocked from Coach Crazyface’s enthusiasm. Just as he sees his precious Allison approaching, Scott gets a text from his mom—she’s got the night off and will definitely be attending his game! Woo, more pressure!
Allison adds on yet another layer by telling him that she also intends to come watch the game tomorrow, so Scott is basically the most screwed wolfboy ever. Plus, she’s already made plans for them to go out with Lydia and Jackson after the game, and asks him to invite Stiles as well. What’s a puppy to do?
Oh Scott, I am so delighted by your resigned little puppy face. DELIGHTED.
(If Stiles is made of cookies, then perhaps Scott is made of snausages. Discuss!)
Allison runs to her locker quickly before her next class. When she opens it, she’s startled to see her missing jacket from the other night hanging within. From around the corner, A Mysterious Lurker watches her with Wolfy-Vision. Golly gee willikers I wonder who it is.
Math class! Scott and Lydia are up at the blackboard doing some problems, and Lydia confronts him about the rumors going around that he won’t be playing in the upcoming lacrosse game. Lydia is very snottily concerned, but not about Scott’s well-being; no, all she cares about is Jackson’s injury—at Scott’s hands, she is quick to remind him—and the fact that it will possibly make him less awesome on the field. Lydia wants to date the winningest captain of the winningest lacrosse team, you see, and she can’t very well do that if Scott’s absence costs them the game, now can she? She also threatens to introduce Allison to some other hot guys on the lacrosse team if Scott doesn’t get his shit together, ASAP.
Throughout this entire one-sided conversation, Lydia makes the world’s greatest duckface, which appears to be her default expression when dealing with the proles (aka everyone else on Earth) and which I shall share with you now:
Immediately after class, Stiles tackles Scott and drags him off to peek around the corner, where Sheriff Stilinski and a deputy are talking to the principal—Stiles wants to know what they’re talking about, and Scott’s going to have to use his wolfly senses to eavesdrop. The Sheriff is telling the principal that they’ll be instituting a nightly curfew for everyone in town under 18. Stiles is outraged at this blow to their nonexistent social lives, when the supposed killer is still walking around and doing whatever he wants, like lurking in Scott’s bedroom, for example. The nerve of that Sexy Lurker!
Scott reasonably points out that they can’t really tell anyone the TRUTH about Derek, but Stiles is determined to do something. I assume it will be something totally ridiculous. YAY.
Yep, Stiles wants to find the other half of the body. Scott and I make identical o_O faces.
Down the hall, Lydia is living up to her nasty threat and is in the middle of introducing Allison to some random guy on the lacrosse team. Allison is polite and pleasant, but is way more interested in Scott. Allison is delighted that Lydia is being so nice to her, and you can totally see Scott struggling with the thought of revealing Lydia’s game plan. Before he can blurt out anything wholly unhelpful, he notices that Allison’s holding the coat she found in her locker. Since he last remembered seeing it in the woods shortly before Derek jumped him, he’s SUPER FREAKED. Allison assumes Lydia was responsible, but Scott is sure that Derek is behind this horrible sinister nefarious act of jacket-returning. That monster!
Scott tells Allison that Derek is most definitely NOT his friend, and starts sort of awkwardly interrogating her about Derek giving her a ride home from the party last weekend. Allison looks at him like she’s worried he might be a little bit crazy, and runs off to her next class without engaging. Thus far, Allison appears to be the smartest person in the entire school.
After school, Scott rides his bike angrily though the woods. Seriously, I have never seen such angry bike riding. He throws his bike down grumpily outside the burned-out shell of Derek’s old house and flails wildly, shouting Derek’s name.
If Derek’s even there, he doesn’t have a chance to answer because Scott’s mayfly attention span has been seized by the sight of what appears to be a fresh grave on the left side of the house. When he turns back towards the house, Derek is lurking sexily on the porch.
Scott shouts at him to stay away from Allison, because she doesn’t know anything about their wolfitude. Derek all but slaps him upside his head—doesn’t Scott realize that Derek is just looking out for him? Does he really expect to be able to get through this without Derek’s help? It’s not like Stiles can do much more than just Google werewolves and panic, after all.
Derek is still harping on the probability that Scott’s going to freak out on the lacrosse field and wolf out in front of everyone, and that’ll pretty much be the end of both their lives. Scott takes a half second to process this horrible thought, and Derek Batmans away again.
Stiles barrels up the stairs and bursts into Scott’s bedroom like a goddamn force of adorable nature. Yes, he’s had a lot of Adderall today. I know these feels, bro. ADHD FISTBUMP. But anyway, what has Scott discovered?
Scott says he found something at Derek’s place, but he’s not sure what—but he knows he smelled blood. Stiles is unimaginably thrilled at the idea of something gross and bloody buried on the property of an angry and potentially murderous sexy lurker werewolf. Stiles, you are the best.
The terrible plan for the day is a two-parter: one, Scott and Stiles will find out what’s buried on Derek’s property and then turn him into Stiles’ dad for murder, and two, they’ll find a way to keep Scott from wolfing out during lacrosse, because there is just no way he can miss the game.
PRIORITIES. We has them.
That evening, Scott and Stiles stroll into the Beacon Hills hospital, so Scott can get a peek (or really a sniff) at the remains in the morgue. Stiles wanders off twitchily and is startled to see Lydia sitting in a waiting area. He makes some painfully awkward conversation that she seems to find interesting, until it is revealed that she’s been listening to a phone call on her bluetooth headset the entire time. Ouch. Stiles slinks away in sad meebly humiliation. OH MY POOR PRECIOUS COOKIEFACE.
Scott’s wandering the halls of the hospital, desperately trying (and abjectly failing) to look super casual. He finally stops embarrassing himself and darts into the deserted, creepy morgue. Scott finds the drawer holding the half-body remains and, taking a deep breath, opens it up. He throws back the sheet covering the remains and sees the bottom half of the dead woman he found in the woods. That’s a nice pedicure for a dead chick.
Scott freaks out a little bit and slides the drawer back in, like the legs are going to leap up and dance at him aggressively or something. Who even knows what goes on inside the fluffy little head of Scott McCall, silliest were ever to wolf.
Back upstairs in the waiting room, Jackson returns from getting a cortisone shot in his shoulder—the doctor’s told him not to make a habit of it, but just this once it’ll be okay. Lydia, however, counsels him to get another one right before the game, because “the pros do it all the time”. Yeah, Lyds, and they also die of traumatic brain injuries.
Stiles blatantly eavesdrops on their conversation while hiding behind a brochure on the menstrual cycle. WHY IS THIS SO ADORABLE.
His adorableness does not stop Scott from pouncing on him and snatching away the brochure to say that the scent of the body in the morgue is the same as what he smelled in Derek’s yard. What’s more, there are bite marks on the legs. The guys agree that Derek the Sexy Lurker is totally the most murderous murderer ever, but Stiles wonders if Scott wants to turn Derek in to stop him, or because Scott wants to play in the game and Derek told him he couldn’t. Oh snap. Scott just really wants to do the right thing, you guys! I mean, probably.
After dark, Scott and Stiles show up at Derek’s house. This seems like a poorly conceived plan, tbh. How do they know he’s not there, lurking sexily in the shadows, waiting to pounce? But no, apparently they’re smart enough to lie in wait until Derek leaves. Well done indeed!
As soon as Derek drives off in his unreasonably sexy car, our intrepid duo arrives with shovels and flashlights. Scott has a weird feeling that something is different, but he can’t tell exactly what it is. Whatevs. They start digging.
Eventually they find something, but it’s… not exactly what they were expecting. Instead of the dead woman Scott saw a few days ago in the forest, they find half a dead wolf. They scream like little girls and leap out of the pit.
As they’re getting ready to rebury the body and flee like tiny scampery bunnies, Stiles spots a purple flower a short distance away. Since he is the Googly Master, he easily identifies it as wolfsbane. Scott has no idea what this would mean, and Stiles stops for a moment to vent his total disgust at Scott’s sad lack of anything even remotely approaching a working knowledge of popular werewolf culture.
Seriously, what kind of derpface gets turned into a werewolf and doesn’t do even a tiny bit of research about his condition? Derpfaces like Scott McCall, that’s who.
IT’S A GOOD THING YOU’RE PRETTY, SCOTT. This cannot be said enough.
Stiles pulls the wolfsbane up from the ground, and it’s roots are attached to a long rope. In fact, it’s buried around the entire grave area in a huge spiral. Once Stiles has finished pulling it all up, Scott makes an unsettling discovery—the body of the wolf has turned back into the body of the woman he found in the forest. DUN DUN DUUUUUN.
The next morning, Scott watches from nearby as Sheriff Stilinski and his deputies take Derek away in handcuffs. While the Sheriff and the rest of the cops are busy securing the crime scene, Stiles strolls up to the police car holding Derek and just gets right in the front like it ain’t no thang. STILES WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Scott is so horrified that he literally cannot look. You and me both, puppy.
Stiles has decided to subject Derek to a breathless and slightly terrified interrogation—unlike Scott, the woman could turn herself all the way into a wolf, so did Derek kill her just because she was different? Derek gives him the most deadly of death glares, and tells Stiles that the real problem is still Scott, because when Scott goes all WOLF MODE: ACTIVATE during the lacrosse game, everything is going to be well and truly screwed.
Stiles looks awfully taken aback in the face of Derek’s calm logic. He doesn’t have any time to respond, though, as his Sheriffy Dad hauls him out of the car for a Stern Lecture on “helping” at crime scenes. Stiles helpfully explains that he and Scott found the body while looking for Scott’s inhaler, which Scott dropped on the night they were looking for the body the first time. O RLY? Does Stiles mean the night he told his dad he was alone?
Oopsie. Sheriff Stilinski facepalms and sends his wayward son and his idiot friend off to be idiots elsewhere.
On the road, Scott is frantically Googling wolfsbane and burial rituals in the hopes of actually learning something for a change. So far, no luck. In fact, everything seems to be agitating Scott just a little too much. After a few minutes of back and forth with Stiles, Scott realizes that his discomfort is due to the wolfsbane, which Stiles has tucked away in his manpurse. So Scott wolfs out right there in the car and everything gets really exciting really fast.
Stiles pulls over and flings the wolfsbane into the forest, but he’s too late—Scott has already run off wolfily. Stiles tries calling the police emergency line to see if there have been any calls about a weird person, or a weird dog… thing… wandering the streets, but the dispatcher assumes he’s being a twit and hangs up on him.
Scott has indeed gone somewhere ill-advised—he’s perched on the roof of Allison’s house, peeking wolfishly into her window like the creepiest puppy creeper ever. Allison doesn’t notice a thing, and continues unpacking knickknacks from a cardboard box. When she closes her bedroom curtains, Scott is confronted with his own wolfy reflection, and it’s so totally shocking that he falls right off the roof.
As if the falling wasn’t bad enough, as soon as he gets up, Allison’s dad knocks him off his feet once again—with the car. Mr. Argent runs to see if he’s okay, and luckily Scott’s dewolfled back into his normal Scott self. Allison rushes outside and gets all huffy with her dad, like he hit her peeper boyfriend on purpose or something. Allison, stop being snippy to your extremely attractive father!
Allison asks her dad if she’s trying to kill Scott or something, and Scott looks hilariously paranoid. He insists that it was his own fault and not her dad’s, and doesn’t offer any kind of sensible explanation for his presence at their house in the middle of the night except that he was “coming by to say hi”. Luckily his little puppy eyes save the day and everyone thinks he is adorable, if somewhat dim.
Scott says he needs to get going to his lacrosse game, and asks Allison if she’s still coming. Mr. Argent assures him that they’ll both be attending the game, and Scott’s happy little puppy face turns back to helpless puppy panic.
Scott’s in the locker room getting ready for the big game. Every little sound and movement is tweaking his superwolf senses like whoa, and yet somehow this isn’t enough of a sign of impending badness to send him home. SIGH.
Stiles arrives and is really relieved to see his BFF all human again and less crazy-looking. Stiles just asks if Scott’s sure he knows what he’s doing, and Scott knows perfectly well—if he doesn’t play, he’ll lose first line on the team AND Allison. Oh Scott, you moron. Allison’s not going to dump you because you skip a lacrosse game. That’s just insulting.
Stiles knows I’m right, because Stiles is awesome. But Scott just does not give a damn anymore; he wants to play on the team and have a gorgeous girlfriend and have a normal goddamn life! Scott, you great big whiner. You’re a werewolf. Deal with it.
The game gets started, with Scott’s mom, Allison, and Allison’s dad visible in the stands. Mr. Argent does not appear to be holding a crossbow this time, so things are very very slightly looking up. Lydia stops Scott to helpfully remind him that nobody likes a loser. Oh my delightful little monster princess, how I adore you.
Sporty things happen that confuse and vex me. It seems like all the other team members are conspiring to keep the ball away from Scott, so that Jackson can score all the goals. To make matters worse, Scott spots Allison helping Lydia hold up a WE LUV U JACKSON sign. His pout is legion, for it contains multitudes.
Before the time out ends, Scott overhears Jackson and the other players outright discussing their fiendish plot to keep the ball away from him no matter what. I forgive Jackson for his casual cruelty immediately because he is extremely attractive, and I am extremely superficial.
Scott, however, sees this as basically a declaration of war. WOLFLY LACROSSE WAR.
Scott keeps his head bowed to hide his yellow wolfy eyes from the crowd. In the stands, Mr. Argent asks which one Scott is again, and Lydia is all too happy to explain that Scott is #11, AKA the loser who hasn’t had the ball at all so far this game. Allison barely holds back a supreme bitchface.
At the sight of Allison standing up to help Lydia hold her stupid sign, Scott decides he has had just about enough of Jackson’s bullshit. He proceeds to run wolf wild all over the field and score about a billion goals. Everyone is thrilled, aside from Jackson and Lydia, both of whom look like they’re smelling oniony farts.
When the opposing team gets the ball, Scott just stands in front of the terrified player and stares at him with wolfish eyes and teeth all over the place, and the player just tosses him the ball. Coach Crazyface notices this and comments on it to Stiles, who is quickly realizing that things are going downhill fast.
By now Scott has completely lost control of his wolfliness, and the other team is starting to notice that something is very wrong. He’s hunched over near the goal, fighting back the urge to presumably run wild and eat everyone in the stands, when he hears Allison’s voice from afar telling him “you can do it, Scott.” His terrible woflness is suddenly soothed enough for him to score the winning goal, and it’s all thanks to the Glorious Power Of Love.
Scott rips off his gloves to see that his hands are still all clawed and dangerous, so as the excited crowd rushes onto the field, he flees off into the night; Allison follows. Meanwhile, Sheriff Stilinski receives a mysterious phone call.
Alone in the dark locker room, Scott flails around in a total panic, throwing equipment around left and right and panting like a thirsty bloodhound. Allison walks into the locker room to find him, and he stalks her in wolfly form rather creepily for a few tense moments—she gets more and more nervous as time passes. Eventually, she tiptoes around the corner and finds Scott standing fully clothed in the showers, leaning up against the wall. Allison assumes he was freaking out from the adrenaline rush of having been the very best lacrosse player EVER, and Scott’s glad to have a plausible excuse. He apologizes for acting like a huge demented weirdo all day long, and admits that Allison makes him super nervous. SO ADORABLE ARGH.
And then they finally fucking make out! Okay great, now go make some puppies.
Stiles gallops into the locker room and just as quickly darts back out when he sees them being all cuddly, because he is an awesome BFF like that. Scott is even more gormless with Allison-love than usual, and is doubly pleased to note that he was able to control his wolfitude after all. Stiles isn’t so cheerful, though. The mysterious phone call his dad got was from the medical examiner, who determined that the killer of the body they found was an animal and not a human. Derek, being human as far as any officials know, has therefore been released from jail.
Oh, and the body’s been identified. It’s Laura Hale, Derek’s older sister.
Outside on the empty field, Jackson picks up Scott’s abandoned glove and notices that the fingertips are ripped open, as though by TERRIBLE MASSIVE DEADLY CLAWS. As he makes a confused little thinkyface, Jackson notices someone lurking sexily at the side of the field.
Derek, why are you such a weirdo?
(glorious arts courtesy of the delightful frightfullytreeish)