The Walking Dead 3.13 – Arrow In The Doorpost

In the left corner a two-time losing champion who sees dead people, Sheriff Rick Grimes.  And in the right, a one-eyed schmuck with heads and a dead daughter, The Governor!

In the left corner, a man with a dead wife, a baby that might not be his, and  he sees dead people, Sheriff Rick Grimes. And in the right, a one-eyed schmuck with heads in fish tanks, torture chambers and a dead daughter, The Governor!

This week: Andrea arranges a playdate between Rick and the Gov and it goes as well as you’d expect.  The big question to ask: will Rick pull a Han to the Gov’s Greedo? 


This should have been a drinking game, to take a hit every time you shouted at your screen ‘SHOOT HIM!’  Don’t act like you didn’t.

We open with Rick, Daryl and Doc pulling up to a grain silo.  Doc stays put (checking his taped down gun on his stump) while Daryl and Rick check out the place, making sure no one’s there lying in wait.  I love when these two work together, because a) it’s bad ass, and b) it probably fills that old-Shane sized whole in Rick’s chest.  (You know, before Shane boinked his wife and probably got a baby on her and then went all dead and bitey.)

They finish scouring the area; Rick walks into a dilapidated barn where there’s electricity.  Uh.  There’s a spotlight on a table, in fact. WARNING, RICK. Electricity spontaneously working in the apocalypse means you ain’t alone.  There’s a rustling noise and the Governor oozes out of the shadows, all evil and villainous in his black eye patch and gun club shooting togs.



Rick tells him that the situation seems pretty clear to him, what with the Gov attacking his people and all.  Gov’s like, “Yep.  Notice how I didn’t kill them?  And you don’t send a fruit basket in thanks?  I thought all southern gents had better manners, boy.” Just to show how chill and non-aggressive he is, the Gov takes off his holster and gun and lays them on the table.

“Now you.”

Rick gives him the stink eye, takes a few steps back and puts his gun in his holster.  He doesn’t take it off.  The camera pans to the Gov’s lap where we see a Glock duct taped under the table.  SERIOUSLY, RICK, SHOOT HIM.

Outside, Daryl and Hershel keep watch; a truck pulls up with Martinez, Milton and Andrea.  And because Andrea is the worst, she’s shocked to find out that the Gov’s already there.  Martinez does everything in his power to not lose his eyeballs from rolling them so damn hard.  Andrea, still without a clue, tells everyone that she better hustle in there then, since she called the meeting.  Those two fellas probably won’t know what to do without her! [touches her hair to make sure it’s in place, toddles in]

She tells Rick and the Gov that it’s time they all solved things.  Yeah, right.  Rick points out that he knows about the raids, about the heads, and then there’s the whole Maggie issue.  Andrea blandly smiles in confusion.  The Gov laughs because he’s all honey badger about this, he don’t give a shit!  He just takes what he wants.

Outside again, Martinez and Daryl get bowed up and rowdy, Milton pushes his glasses up his nose and wishes he thought to wear his mithril shirt in case of Walkers.  Doc, who is a one legged salty pirate at this point, shoots in the air to quiet the kids down, he’s listening to his stories. (The talk inside.)

At the prison, they have a butt-load of guns spread out on some tables, sorting things, getting ammo set up in strategic places, yadda.  Merle thinks it’s a fine idea to swoop in and assassinate the Gov.  And…I totally agree.  but Glenn isn’t quite as seasoned as he needs to be and says they’re sticking with the original plan.  Which is to not kill Enemy Number One.  (Y’all need to be Seal Team Sixing that muh fuh.)

Andrea still postures like she has any right to even be there by saying, “Now, I called this meeting…” when the Gov cracks up at the little lady pretending to be anything other than his sexy gopher. Rick shows him a map, points out boundaries they can stick by, but that ain’t in the Gov’s plans.  Also, Andrea has no business making demands or being involved at all.  He kicks her out after saying that the only acceptable outcome for this whole schmole is Rick’s surrender.  Asshole says what?

Andrea leaves all butthurt and embarrassed.  WOMAN. USE YOUR THINK-BOXER.

I am still confused.  Are you saying the Governor ISN'T a good guy? But I brought a bagel tray?

I am still confused. Are you saying the Governor ISN’T a good guy? But I brought a bagel tray? And little jellies? Cream cheese tubs?

Rick, once again not pulling a Han by saying “I bet you have,”  blastershot!asks the Gov to explain some things.  Like: the kidnapping and beating of Glenn and Maggie.  What he did to Maggie.  The raids, etc.  Why, that was all on Merle! The thing I love here is how the Gov is laughing and smiling the whole time, just totally owning that he’s bullshitting Rick.

Rick mocks him for the whole Governor title thing.  It’s hilarious the way you can practically see the quotes around the name every time he says, “Governor,” all sassy and rude.  He tells him he’s no Governor, he’s the town drunk that knocked over his fence and ripped up his yard.  And he needs to spend a night in the pokey.

Then they stop being polite and start getting real.  The Gov says he knows about Shane probably making a baby with Rick’s wife.  And how good of Rick it is to raise it.  And if that doesn’t show bad judgment…  “You failed to see the devil beside you.”

“Oh, I see him all right,” Rick replies, looking right at the S.O.B.  I love you, Cool Hand Rick.

Walkers show up outside, and after Andrea takes one out with a pocket knife (well, she can’t be awful 100% of the time), Daryl and Martinez have a pissing contest over who can kill more, Martinez with his bat or Daryl with his crossbow and hunting knife.  Daryl gets 3, Martinez 1.  Ha.  Daryl finds some smokes on one of them and offers Martinez a cigarette.

“I prefer menthols.”

Daryl calls him a douchebag and I fell back kicking my heels in the air laughing because it’s so true. Menthols?

These two chill a bit, talk about the present situation and how they both know nothing is going to get resolved.  They’re going to be back at shooting each other once this cease fire is over.  You can tell they would be friends if they were on the same side.

Milton nerds out on being a history buff with the Doc, wanting to interview him, hear all about his stump, and by the way, can he see it?  Doc looks at him like, “You kidding me?  You didn’t even take me to dinner yet.”  Also, he has a gun hidden, so nope.  Milton?  That was creepy.  You’re creepy.

Inside the Gov explains that he can’t let Rick slide, he doesn’t want to appear weak.  Rick says, “Then better not take off your shirt, noodle neck!”  Sick burn, bro. T-Dog’s ghost high-fives him for his snaps.

Gov then tells the story of how he found out his wife had died, but the important part is that he mentions his boss, who he hated. He hated the man who had control over him, and how he was younger and richer.  And isn’t that interesting?    He’s the asshole, non-paralyzed John Locke pre-Island.  Doesn’t want to take orders, wants to give orders.

Yeah, this guy isn’t changing his stripes any time soon, Rick.

Glenn welds a gun port in the cage; Merle uses the opportunity to load a bag with some weapons because he’s going after Daryl. Finally we see some real character development with him because this is all about him showing that he cares about Daryl.  “It’s my brother out there! What’s the matter with y’all?”

Glenn comes back in, tells him to stay put, they start fighting, and Beth comes in and shoots in the air.  The bullet ricochets into baby Asskicker and kills her.  Not really, but it could have happened! That’s why you don’t shoot inside a cement block, Beth! Instead, it stops the guys, and Merle pleads, “Let me go! Let me go!”  Not going to lie, I gave Merle the “good job, buddy” head nod.

Andrea finally asks some good questions, like “What is this whole Maggie sitch?” Hershel blinks his button eyes and simply replies, “He’s a sick man.”  Andrea hangs her head, because not her boyfriend!  He said she was his one and only!

You know, you could go back with Hershel and be with the right people, lady.  She still doesn’t know what to do, though.  Because she is the worst.  She is a tangled up shoe lace with fear-piss on it when you’re trying to outrun a bear.

Inside, the Gov lets slip that he knows about the raid with Morgan’s guns.  And that they’re loaded up.  But he has more people to use (Operation: Get Behind the Gimps).  He pulls off his eye patch to show his grody eye to Rick. Then he puts his chip on the table: Give me Michonne.

This is why last episode was so important: it established that Rick knows how valuable she is.  She’s saved or helped almost everyone in the prison at this point, and she’s shown herself to be a good person.

Deep breath time in the form of Glenn apologizing to Maggie for that whole “turning your almost-rape into being about me” thing.  She just wanted him to give her space, and then look at HER, and not see her attack.  He apologizes again, and then the lights dim, a groovy bass lick starts and they get freak-nasty in the love shack (baby!) and I would like to point out that they did not use a condom.  Babies are bad in the apocalypse, mm’kay?

My goodness these are two very attractive people.

My goodness these are two very attractive people.

Rick responds to the request for Michonne by laughing at how silly a two-bit vendetta against a lady is for someone of such high esteem as a “governor.”  Seriously, his sass is awesome.  Hey, can’t he – as “governor” – build himself a statue?  Or name a holiday after himself?  Does he really need some lady to torture slowly and kill?

Yep.  He does.  So Rick can think on it for two days, and the Gov’ll be back in that same spot, waiting for his answer. He just smiles when Rick asks how Rick can know if the Gov will keep his word.  Short answer: you can’t. 

And then they both leave.

Protip: never leave a facility that has shown to have actual running electricity without checking it thoroughly and then scavenging said locale.  (It’s like these guys have never played Fallout, or something.  COME ON.  That’s bush league!)

Everyone loads up in their vehicles with Andrea standing in the middle trying to make a decision. She blandly smiles and then hops in the car with the Woodbury people.  Like a dummy.

Back at Woodbury, the Gov tells his guys that the plan is to ambush everyone in two days, but leave Michonne alive for him to deal with. Milton grabs his pearls and gasps.  Gov smiles sweetly and tells him how it’s a kindness to kill those people to avoid a slaughter.

Um, technically?  Killing a bunch of people that walk into an ambush is a slaughter.  Well, the Gov is going to have to solve a problem like Maria (aka Rick) by murdering her (him).  Just like in the musical. (Is that not how it goes?)

Andrea passes him on Main Street, tosses him a fine how do ya do, and then asks what happened.  Yeah, because he’s going to tell her.  He thanks her for setting up the meeting and tosses off some b.s. about them reconvening in two days.  He laughs as he walks off because he is evil.  The black should have pointed that out.  Also, the tanks filled with heads.  But Andrea still has not passed go, has not collected her $200.  She is a moron with a capital dumbass.

At the prison, Rick lays it out: they want us dead, and they want our thangs, Lori.  Our stuff and thangs.  So?  Looks like they’re going to war.  Regulators: mount up.  Montage of everyone looking super serious and worried, but the best is Merle and Daryl giving each other bro-nods of love and respect.

...dis bitch say wha?

(Merle finding out it was just Rick and the Gov alone and is all “Why the hell didn’t y’all let me assassinate the sumbitch?” ME TOO, MERLE. GAH.

Doc comes to find Rick outside and get the real skinny.  Rick explains about Michonne being the offering goat for slaughter. Doc defends her because he’s good people, and he knows good people when he sees them.  Rick agrees that she’s one of them, and he also understands that after Michonne is killed, they’re next.  He just wishes it all wasn’t happening like it is.  Nut up, bub, because it is.

He had to scare the group to get them ready to fight.  And an interesting difference between Rick and the Gov to me is that Rick uses the truth to scare people into what Rick needs them to do.  The Governor, who sits on a throne of lies, uses made up propagandist b.s. to put fear into his minions.

Man, it is going to be glorious when the Gov goes down. (Oh my god, he has to.  He has to die.  I will flip tables at restaurants I’m not even eating in if anything happens to Rick. Or Daryl.  Or Carol.  Or Maggie.  Or Glenn.  OMG, I am going to cry  buckets, aren’t I? DON’T ANSWER THAT!!)