The Walking Dead 3.16 – Welcome to the Tombs

I'm still shipping this pretty damn hard.

I’m still shipping this pretty damn hard.

Well.  That one thing I won’t put outside a cut was certainly shocking.  Totally didn’t see that coming. Also, Dear AMC: I would like 22 full one hour episodes of this show instead of only 16.  You got the coin, come on.  Pony up. Love, Me.

And I am kissing my fingers at the delicious evil that is The Governor. What a fantastic character to squirm over all season.


Speaking of the Gov, he’s presently turning Milton’s face into hamburger.  It, uh, took a minute to figure out that was Milton.  Sans glasses and an unblemished face, he’s hard to recognize.  The Gov is punishing him for burning the Walkers and knowing that Andrea was escaping.  That’s not how neighbors treat each other, Milton.

Milton goes for the throat with, “What would your daughter think” about who he’s become?  Silly Milton, Gov has no humanity left!  He knows his daughter would be afraid of him.  But she’d be alive, so…  [scale hands]  See where he’s coming from, buddy ol’ pal?  No?  Probably because he’s smashed your eye in.

Gov drags Milton into where Andrea is tied up (and we can tell some type of torture has been done because her arms are jacked up where she’s handcuffed, but she’s still dressed? Yeesh.), and lets Milton know that in this world you kill or you die.

Or…you die and then you kill.  So get to one or the other with Andrea here [hands him a knife from a spilled tool box – a pair of pliers left behind oHo!] because you’re going to do one or the other.  Laters!  He leaves and locks the two up together.  DAMN.  That’s cold, and I did not see that coming.

I remember when this used to mean something...

I remember when this used to mean something…

It looks like the folks at the prison are going to bug out.  They’re packing up all of their things in tupperware and duffel bags and Carl hands down wins this round of “Who’s More Grizzled” when he pulls out a picture of his folks, then his dad’s sheriff’s badge, chuckles at how naive he once was back when he was in grade school, and heads out to keep on living.  Damn, son, you’re hard for 13. He doesn’t even want a shoulder pat from his dad.  That’s something soft kids get, and he ain’t soft.

Daryl puts on his poncho of solitude, loads up his motorcycle, and Rick turns to see Lori one last time.  She’s stroking her belly so I’m guessing this means Rick is claiming Judith is his baby and not Shane’s.  We still need to see how that kid’s ears turn out before we can be sure, says I.  (Seriously.  Shane had some sound equipment, yo.)

One last trip through the prison to see if anyone left important stuff behind, and there’s a great moment with Michonne and Rick.  She’s pragmatic, is Michonne.  She gets that he had to think about that offer from the Gov, she really does.  And she’s really super glad he didn’t go along with it.  Rick says it was all on Carl, so he’s the one that should be getting thanks.  They stand proud and strong, eyeing each other, and the sexual tension here is so thick you can cut it with a katana blade.  (Just me?  I just like bad ass people hooking up, I think.)

In Woodbury, errbody in the town gettin’ riled up and ready to fight.  Tyreese and Sascha show they have brains (and hearts) and bow out. “So…we don’t actually believe in killing people?  We’re going to stay here and protect the women and children while y’all play shoot ’em up, okay?  And we fully recognize that you might come back and kill us.  Please don’t?”

We’re reminded that the Gov got into his political position for a reason by clapping Tyreese on the shoulder and thanking him for his selfless act.  (And Tyreese and Sascha take a deep breath and start planning their own escape.  OR THEY SHOULD BE.)

Tyreese: We're screwed? Sascha: Yup.

Tyreese: We’re screwed?
Sascha: Yup.

Time for the Prisoners to go down in a Blaze of Glory: Woodburians roll up with .50 cal guns and a freaking bazooka, and unload a stupid amount of ammo on Walkers, the gates, the towers…  Guys?  The world has ended.  That stuff isn’t being manufactured anymore, and I don’t want to hear it about reloads.  Yeah, they can make those, but they’re not as good.

Whatever, they’re clearing out the Walker yard, which is a bonus.  The Gov hops out, has his goons rip the fences open to get inside, and find that Cell Block C ain’t exactly locked down.  The door’s partially open, actually.

They push inside (and WATCH YOUR CLOCK, people!  You don’t walk into a cavernous room without a plan for people to be at 12, 3, 6 and 9 COME ON.) and it’s empty.  That’s because they left, dummies, and so much for your spies, Gov.

The Governor is not a happy camper.

What has two thumbs and is dying!

Who has two thumbs and is dying?

So Milton is dying.  It’s pretty clear he doesn’t have much fight in him left, because he didn’t have much fight in him to begin with. (You know what?  Never a big fan.  I didn’t hate the guy, I just didn’t care.  Which is worse, honestly.)  Milton points out to Andrea that there are pliers behind her and she should be able to reach them with her feet and free herself.  Then she’s going to find something and stab him in the head.

Good plan!  And raise your hand if you immediately practiced picking things up with your toes?  Or squirmed in your seat like you could help her reach them?  Just me?  Come on, you know you did a little bit.

In the prison, the Gov’s peeps move deeper into the catacombs to try and figure out how they got bamboozled when they’re assaulted by smoke bombs, Walkers, and Loud Noises. (Alarms going off.)  It’s mass hysteria because the Gov’s people are grocers and office admins with M-16s and don’t know how to deal with this stuff.  They all run out out to the yard where they’re beset upon by Glenn and Maggie in full riot gear because THEY ARE THE BEST OF ALL OF US.

That’s how you throw an engagement party, people.

They’re up in the protected walkways with automatic rifles laying out good covering fire.  The Woodbury people panic, get in their vehicles and race off.  (They leave the first truck that got its tires popped by Michonne’s traps.  Nice.)

We see that the rest of our group has been hiding in the woods watching.  Carl, Hershel, Beth and Judith hang back when Rick, Daryl and Carol check things out.  A young teen boy with blue, blue eyes filled with terror (or manic desire?  WHO KNOWS?) approaches.  Carl pulls his gun and the boy is ordered to drop his weapon.

NOW LET’S HAVE A CONVERSATION, GUYS.  The kid has a shot gun and he’s got it pointed up.  I don’t know about y’all, but my mom raised me to point the barrel to the ground when approaching strangers.  Overly mannered?  Possibly.

Hershel and his dime eyes must not have noticed that bit.  Carl ends up shooting the kid as the kid moves closer, and I think he made the right decision.  How the hell is he supposed to trust someone with manic eyes pointing a gun at their shoulders?  He isn’t, that’s what.  So Doc Hershel needs to remember they’re in End of Times and clam up.

The Governor’s caravan is forced to stop when the Gov pulls up in front of them and orders them out of their vehicles.  They’re going back, okay?  they’re going back and wiping out those dirty rotten good for nothing–

“That was a slaughter!” Karen (aka Ms. Melissa McCall) cries out.  No it wasn’t.  But this is!  WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!??!? THE GOV PULLS IRON ON HIS PEOPLE. He mows everyone down that isn’t Martinez and Black Guy (hey, even Yvette Brown called him that, and that is a SHAME – what is your name, excellent actor man?).  Although, good job on shooting Alan, Gov, even though he was defending you.  That was pretty awesome because I did not like that guy. Karen hides under a dead body as the Gov empties his clip.  Whew, out of bullets before he can make sure she’s dead!

Where is your asthmatic son now, lady?

Where is your asthmatic son now, lady?

Martinez is rethinking his life’s choices and that maybe he should have kept hanging with good ol’ Daryl Dixon, but instead he hops in the truck with the Gov and they go for a little ride.  And it ain’t straight back to Woodbury.  (Where do they go, do you think?  Hiding out to watch the prison?  I would, if I were them.)

Hershel is still hanging on to the lessons he learned from his prayer last week and tells Rick that his boy kilt a youngin in cold blood.  He gunned that sweet boy with the shotgun pointed at Hershel’s shoulder down like a mangy mutt.  Why that blue-eyed newcomer was probably going to knock a tree branch away with the tip of his gun!

Rick is obviously worried and goes to talk to Carl about it.

“Uh, I couldn’t take the chance that he’d shoot us?  Steal the baby?  Steal Beth?  IDK, Dad, I’m being responsible, god.”  All that was missing was the old ’90s PSA “I learned it from you, Dad!  I learned it from you!” shout.

Let’s check in on Andrea.  She’s got her shoes off and is working that pair of pliers slowly but surely closer as Milton’s breaths become more labored.  And then they sort of stop.  But then they start up again.  And Andrea: stop watching Milton and get the damn pliers.

Fun fact: I threw a pen, a pencil and my husband’s reading glasses (sorry, honey) on the floor and picked all three of them up with first my right foot, and then my left in the amount of time it took Andrea to pick up one thing.

Protip: practice picking shit up with your feet ASAP. Clearly we need all the skill sets, folks.

Aaaaaaaand there goes Milton with the death mouth.  He’s a Walker. She gets one hand free and then…well.  We don’t know, but it sounds bad.

Karen manages to meet up with Rick, Michonne and Daryl.  She gets them back to Woodbury where Tyreese is manning the wall and apparently is a good shot now?  Well, she convinces Tyreese to stop shooting, says that the Gov is a bad bad man, and they sneak inside to look for Andrea.  Rick explains how she never made it to the prison, so.  Put two and two together, buddy with the gun.

They head to the torture chambers (Easter Egg on the Woodbury map – you have to press the Merle Zombie button at the same time as Andrea blandly smiling image) and sure enough, they find her.  She’s alive and Milton is dead. Both ways.  But…her collar is pulled back and we can see a huge bite in her neck.  Michonne is beside herself, and if you didn’t get choked up at Michonne’s reaction, then you might actually be dead which means someone needs to double tap/Mozambique you.



She asks if everyone in the prison group survived, they did.  She asks for a gun.  She has to do this herself because she doesn’t want to burden anyone with her death in the end, and that was really nice of you, Andrea.  Good for you.  She tries one last time to explain why she sucked at helping (she didn’t want anyone to die and lookee there, Andrea – ALL THE PEOPLE DIED.  Well, like 40 of them) and then blandly smiles her way towards the final steps to the afterlife.

The men leave the room and it’s incredibly tense as we all wait to hear the gunshot.  Damn.  That was actually hard to watch.

As the sun rises on the field outside the prison, a new caravan approaches.  It’s Rick and his band plus the remaining folks of Woodbury.  Great, more mouths to feed.  But hey, more bodies to sweep out the catacombs and patch up that other side of the building!

I hope someone in this group knows how to unclog a toilet.

I hope someone in this group knows how to unclog a toilet.

Rick looks up to get approval from spectral Lori, but she’s not there anymore.  And we can’t tell if Rick is pleased or sad about it.  Time to cowboy up, Sheriff and get back to herding cats, err, the old folks and kids you picked up.

I liked that this went out on a slightly hopeful note, I have to say.  We still don’t know where the Governor is or what he’s planning, the Andrea Situation played out nicely and I did NOT see Milton being the cause of her death coming at all.  Nice.  I like being surprised.

I just hate that we have to wait until October for more.  =/  It feels unresolved, but I think it’s just because there’s still so much story left to tell, and I’m greedy.