Orphan Black 1.05 – Conditions of Existence

All sorts of shit's going down today!

All sorts of shit’s going down today!

Previously: Sarah meets up with Helena, the crazy religious fanatic clone that hates the other clones and kills them. Helena’s also tough, running around after getting stabbed with a piece of rebar and finally collapsing in a filthy alley. Alison impersonates Sarah but doesn’t fool Kira. Sarah finds out that Maggie Chen, the ‘civilian’ Beth shot, was involved in creating the clones and later, in destroying them with Helena. Hot Paul and Art engage in an epic staring contest of manliness. Helena is helped from the dirty alley by a mysterious man in a white van.


Helena is on a cot in a creepy dark room. The man from the van (not down by the river) is cleaning her terrible wound. Helena half-wakes and murmurs, “Thomas…” The man gently touches her face and tells her to sleep. We never get to see his face.

Sarah Skypes with Alison, who is not happy that Sarah quit the force. Sarah cuts her off and thanks her for helping with Kira. Alison says that Kira is a special little girl and Sarah is lucky. She then goes to bed and we are treated to the first of many hilarious moments with her: Alison, dressed in her prim pink and white checkered pyjamas, primly gets into bed and primly turns off the light. She puts on her prim pink sleep mask and primly settles in to sleep. Her husband watched her the whole time and awkwardly wiggles closer, reaching his hand out to touch her breast in the most inept manner possible. Alison primly smacks it away, with a primly whispered, “No.” The husband turns over, disgruntled and rejected. HA!

This scene is in stark contrast to Sarah’s evening. While she’s in the shower someone quietly slips into the apartment and creeps toward the bathroom. It’s Hot Paul! YES. He peers into the bathroom and we see the empty shower. Sarah lunges out from around the corner, nail file in her hand, ready to get her stab on. They both yell in surprise and Sarah’s accent shows a little. I like these small slips she has when she’s frightened. Paul, of course, doesn’t notice.

Sarah asks why Paul isn’t at Cody’s and he says he’s sorry. “How sorry are you?” Sarah asks seductively and I clap my hands in glee. SHOWER SEX SCENE YAY.

3:40 into the show and they're having the sexy sex because, seriously, who  wouldn't have steamy showertime with Hot Paul?

3:40 into the show and they’re having the sexy sex because, seriously, who wouldn’t have steamy showertime with Hot Paul?

Afterwards Sarah and Paul are in bed. Sarah’s mostly asleep and Paul’s staring at the ceiling. He asks her to leave with him. He wants to go away. She’s off the force, he hates his job, he wants them to pack their bags and go away right now. He really wants to go. Sarah rolls over and says they’ll talk about it in the morning.

Sarah dreams bad dreams. She’s on an examining table with sensors and wires all over her, including one in her mouth. Her legs and arms are strapped down. The doctors are all around her, wearing operating suits that have hoods covering their heads and this all looks highly unpleasant.

In the morning, Sarah wakes up with Paul still snuggled beside her. She goes to wash her face and as she’s brushing her teeth she starts gagging. She spits out a metal sensor with a bit of wire attached to it and that was not a dream! Right now one of the evil doctors is screaming at a co-worker: “You had ONE JOB, Fred! ONE! Remove the sensors! Where’s the mouth sensor, Fred? WHERE IS IT!?”

Someone's fired.

Someone’s fired.

Roll the pretty, pretty credits!

Sarah’s still in the bathroom, examining herself. She finds a mark from a needle on her inner elbow. Paul knocks on the door and asks if she wants coffee. Uh, no thanks, Paul. Who knows what you’re involved in. Hoping to sneak out, she quietly leaves the bathroom and starts getting dressed but Paul comes into the bedroom, coffee in hand, shirt off. Well, I can’t complain about his attire.

Anyways, Paul is still talking about running off, to Rio. Sarah, a little scared and pretty freaked out, keeps getting dressed. Paul tells her he’s ready to give her what she wants, commitment, but finally notices Sarah’s shaking like a leaf. He asks her what wrong and she blows it off, saying she’s going out for some air. BYE.

Sarah, Alison and Felix are Skyping with Cosima about the current horribleness. Cosima tells them that the little metal piece is part of an EEG helmet that monitors electrical activity in the brain, cementing that it wasn’t a dream Sarah was having. Alison is not happy about this, saying how she knew they were lab rats in an illegal experiment. Cosima asks where Paul was during this and Felix comes out and says that maybe Paul set it up. Alison points out that somebody did, that someone has to be watching them, the lab rats, someone they know. Cosima agrees with her, saying that if it were her experiment she’d have an observer watching the subjects, keeping tabs and accumulating data. She assures Sarah that they didn’t do anything invasive, saying Sarah would know if they did. Felix, Alison and Sarah all look traumatized at this.

Cosima says it looks like they took blood samples and did neurological tests. Sarah doesn’t want to think that Paul is in on it and Felix asks, “Why? Because he slept with you?” Sarah is embarrassed about him spilling the beans on her and Paul and gives him a little chiding smack.


Um…I accidentally fell on his penis? Repeatedly?

Cosima finds it fascinating but Alison’s initial reaction is shock that Sarah slept with ‘Beth’s boyfriend’. Sarah looks a little guilty and Alison shrugs it off, saying she’s one to talk as she might be sleeping with her spy as well.

Alison has to go. She gives Sarah the gun she asked for. Sarah also asks for money, pointing out that it’s  defence money and she’s the only one providing defence. Alison hands over $20,000 and leaves to do Alison things.

“I’m gonna shoot Paul’s balls off,” Sarah sighs, defeated. Before signing off, Cosima suggests just squeezing them instead as he’s their way into the whole thing. She gives Sarah a warning to be careful as the scientists could decide to terminate the ‘experiment’ if they discover their subject has become ‘self-aware’. Oh great, another thing to worry about.

Raj the IT guy from the police department that helped Sarah calls. He needs that surveillance equipment he lent her back before they do inventory. Sarah’s all, yeah…right…surveillance shit, no problem, and hangs up. Felix wonders if Beth was onto Paul too while Sarah wonders if she found anything. Nooooo Paul noooooooooooooooooo.

Back at Alison’s house: Donnie, Alison’s husband, is frantically going through her drawers while talking to someone on the phone. He tells the person it’s “critical” and that one week she’s fine and the next it’s armageddon. He doesn’t want to give her any reason to react. He asks the person, “You tell me. If it gets any worse, what are our options?” just as Alison comes into the bedroom. She’s super  paranoid and asks why he’s in her vanity. Donnie covers and says he was looking for scissors and walks away. The scissors are right on top and Alison grabs them and follows, asking him who he was talking to. He says it was Big Rich from work. He sees the scissors and asks her to cut the tag from his t-shirt cause it’s really bothering him. She clearly doesn’t believe him as she cuts. Donnie scurries away. Is he her observer or just having an affair?

Felix and Sarah go back to Beth’s and start searching for the surveillance. Felix puts on gloves, saying, “I don’t leave prints when I burgle” and I love him so much. Sarah searches the computer as Felix searches the apartment. He comes up with Paul’s business cards: Trexcom Consulting. Hmmmm.

Felix says, quite cleverly, that if Fake Paul is observing Beth then what makes her so certain no one’s observing Sarah Manning? Sarah snarkily asks who that could be? Mrs. S hasn’t seen her in a year and she’ll give Felix the benefit of the doubt. He flounces out to the bedroom where he finds a huge gun, a box of pictures, letters from Beth and holy crap, a Purple Heart. Looks like Paul was in the army. Felix wants to read the letters but Sarah puts them away, saying they’re ‘private’. Sarah really is turning into a better person which is all well and good but they still haven’t found the surveillance equipment.

It turns out to be hidden underneath the floor of the trunk in Beth’s car. Felix is impressed by the amount of stuff in the case, saying Beth wasn’t messing around. He tells Sarah he bets there’s nothing at Fake Paul’s fake company when she says she’s going to check it out.

Sarah goes to check out where Paul works. She sighs when, sure enough, she walks into an empty office space.

A lady walks into the empty space, calling out to Sarah as she’s about to leave. She reminds ‘Beth’ that the company downsized and points to a hallway, saying that Paul’s office is over there now but he’s in a meeting right now. How convenient. Sarah holds up the take-out she brought, telling the woman she had a fight with Paul this morning and brought lunch as a peace offering. It works. The woman smiles and leads Sarah to Paul’s office.

Poor Alison’s freaking out at home. She watches Donnie from her bedroom window as he goes into the garage to leave for work. Donnie couldn’t look more suspicious if he tried, peering all around him as he goes through the door with a bag in his hand. Alison frantically starts rummaging through all his drawers and eventually finds this:



Alison’s all, “Big Boob Blowies?” and is not impressed. She’s also still suspicious. She moves her search to the garage and finds a locked case. This doesn’t stop Alison! She grabs a hack saw and starts sawing away, determined to see what’s inside. The show has all these great details, like, for instance, the garage is not only pristine and organized, but also has shelves of dry goods. Alison is obviously a control freak and a coupon-clipper, calling back to showing her cutting them out of flyers in episode two.

Paul still isn’t done his ‘meeting’ and Sarah has time to plant a bug near his computer. Felix is nervously listening on the other end. I’d be nervous about the wall of reflective glass in Paul’s office if I were Sarah. What if someone’s watching on the other side? Like…an OBSERVER?

Paul comes in and Sarah asks if he wants to talk about the fight. Paul wants to talk about last night’s shower instead and Sarah can’t help but grin goofily as she thinks about the good stuff that happened in there. Paul must really like sex from behind cause he keeps either turning Sarah around or grabbing her when her back is turned to him. I’m not even joking, this is his fave move and I APPROVE.

As he’s stroking and kissing Sarah’s neck Paul murmurs that something’s changed between them. He can feel it. I bet Sarah can feel something too…in his pants. Paul suddenly pulls back from her neck and asks what happened to the scar she got from mountain biking. Sarah tries to play it off as a new cream she used and takes off, saying she’ll see him tonight. For once, Paul is suspicious. He pulls up an old video of Beth from his computer and freezes the frame that shows the scar. No cream can make that disappear. He calls the woman that brought Sarah into his office, Madison, and tells her to clear his afternoon. Felix, still listening, is concerned.

The garage door opens and Donnie sees Alison sawing at his secrets. He gets out of his car and asks her what she’s doing. Alison is completely freaked out and asks him what’s in the box. He tells her it’s private. He says he’s entitled to a little privacy, “even in this house.” Alison, convinced that he’s her Observer, spits, “Oh that’s rich, coming from you!” and demands that he opens it. She’s hilarious, standing up to him and waving the box around. Donnie grabs the box and they have a tug of war until finally she lets go. Donnie clutches the box and runs out of the garage like a little baby.

Back at school, Cosima is looking at the German clone Katja’s blood under the microscope but doesn’t find anything that would explain her symptoms of coughing up blood and shortness of breath. She clips a piece of her dreadlocks off and passes it along with some other samples over to her lab buddy, asking him to test them for diseases. She also asks him to check for species differentiation. Her dorky lab partner is surprised she’s asking for that and awkwardly tries to flirt with her, asking what’s in it for him. She tells him he can have sex…with himself. He laughs in a nerdy way and scurries away to do her bidding. Looks like Felix was right when he said he thought Cosima might be gay.

Another lab student catches Cosima’s attention: a hot French woman having a quiet argument on her cell. The French woman leaves, upset, and forgets a few papers. Cosima picks one up and reads it; it’s a paper of the woman’s grades. They’re all in high science-y courses like microbiology and they’re all either an A or A+.

Sarah is at Kira’s school, waiting for her to come out. She’s read Beth’s letters and calls Felix, telling him that Paul’s a bastard. Apparently Paul didn’t love Beth but he wouldn’t leave her either. Felix says Paul’s certainly changed his tune now, as he’s falling for Sarah. Sarah doesn’t know what to think of that. The bell rings and they say goodbye which is perfect timing cause guess who has a visitor? It’s Colin from the morgue and it looks like Felix has some fun ahead.

Sarah is thrilled to finally see her daughter again. They have a sweet reunion and she walks her home, not realizing she’s being watched. Someone is taking pictures of her holding Kira’s hand.

Cosima finds the French student weeping in the hallway. She gives her the papers she left behind, confessing that she peeked at her grades. It turns out the French woman is going through a break up with someone down in Frenchland and Cosima tries not to look excited to hear she’s single. The French student is studying host/parasite relationships in microbiology and immunology while Cosima is in evolutionary development. Looks like a match made in heaven. The student introduces herself as Delphine and Cosima is definitely enchante.

Mrs. S invites Sarah in and they bond a little over Kira. Sarah nervously asks Mrs. S what she knows about her, where she came from. Mrs. S seems even more nervous, saying she doesn’t know who her parents were. Mrs. S is hiding something. Kira watches and listens from the living room, looking way smarter than any little kid should be.

Mrs. S asks about Vic the Dick. No worries, Sarah assures her, he is definitely out of the picture. Sounds like a segue way to the news on Vic….aaaaaand it is. Here’s Vic, being dragged into an auto body shop by a thug. The boss wants his money, but Vic doesn’t have it, explaining that Sarah took the coke and then threw herself in front of a train but he’ll have the money next week.. The boss doesn’t care and nods to the thug who grabs Vic’s arm and shoves his hand under a paper cutter. Vic pleads for one more week but the thug slices his pinky off anyways, making him scream and pound his free fist on the desk. Then he calmly says, “I’m good.”

Time for another awesome Alison scene! She’s at a strip mall with the kids. They each get a dollar to buy themselves a chocolate bar – one each – at the pharmacy. She blows them kisses as they run to get their candy and pops into the store next door. Alison needs her own surveillance equipment. The creeper behind the counter sells her a wireless nanny cam.

In the pharmacy, Oscar and Gemma are thrilled to be getting candy. They giggle and horseplay a bit, bumping into none other than Vic the Dick who’s just finished paying for meds and bandages. He’s a hilarious disaster with his bleeding hand wrapped up in his white shirt, which he’s still wearing. The kids are scared of him a little when he turns around to see who bumped him, and he leans down to give them a bit of advice, whispering, “Stay in school. I mean it, buddy.” LOLS

Vic walks outside the pharmacy, chugging pills out of a bottle. Unfortunately for Alison, she walks out of the spy store just in time for him to see her. She has no idea why he’s staring but gets quite alarmed when Vic calls out, “…Sarah?”

Alison tries to play it cool and walks quickly to the shelter of some parked cars but Vic follows, calling Sarah’s name. For a moment he’s thrilled she’s alive but quickly gets angry that she hurt him by letting him think she was dead. Alison tries to tell him she doesn’t know him and smiles a little but he gets angrier, screaming that she’s a bitch, so instead she simply maces the crap out of him. She then adds insult to injury by tazing him too. Alison is prepared for anything at all times. Vic falls to the ground, cursing, and Alison fast-walks to her van just as the kids run up, happy with their candy. Alison’s all, “Oh! There you are! Hey, it’s a race to get into the car! Whoever gets into the car first wins!” and they all jump in and drive off, leaving a miserable Vic rolling on the ground. BEST SCENE EVER.

Alison calls Sarah to tell her she was, “assaulted by a disgusting thug who thought I was you!” When Sarah presses her for a description Alison says he was ‘urban’ and ‘not white’. Sarah groans Vic’s name. Alison asks if he’s Kira’s father and Sarah says absolutely not. Sarah tells Alison that Beth was spying on Paul, which makes her even more scared that Donnie is her Observer but she plays it brave to Sarah and tells her she’s fine.

Speaking of fine, Paul’s in his office, getting a visit from a big-wig named Olivier. You can tell he’s evil because he ominously turned around to face Paul, and he’s wearing gloves and an overcoat. Olivier says they need to talk about Beth and asks how she was this morning. Paul lies and says she’s fine, everything’s fine, how are you?

Sarah goes to see Felix just as Colin’s leaving. Luckily Sarah is an accomplished corner-ducker and Colin doesn’t see her. Besides, Colin’s too busy with goodbye-flirting and kisses to notice Sarah pop around the corner.

Obviously this is Felix's silk sex robe

Obviously this is Felix’s sex robe

Colin leaves and Sarah comes inside, telling Felix the bad news: Vic’s back and he knows she’s alive. They listen to the recording from the bug planted in Paul’s office and hear Paul covering for Beth/Sarah. Olivier asks about Beth’s mental health and Paul says she’s better. Olivier reminds Paul that his role as ‘Monitor’ is not to interfere and Paul repeats that Beth is fine.

Speak of the devil, Paul calls Sarah, saying they need to talk. Sarah says no way and hangs up. Felix and Sarah agree she can’t go back there just as Paul texts her a picture of her walking Kira home fr0om school. They’re both all, holy shit, when Vic walks in, asking if this is a bad time. Kinda. Also, why doesn’t Felix lock his door, like, ever???

Vic is not happy that he got hosed by Sarah. He tells her that he owes $15,000, his pinky got cut off, and he wants to know how Sarah was able to lay in the morgue and hold her breath and fool him like she did. Sarah gives him the $20,000 she got from Alison, telling him the extra $5,000 is for his finger, and that he needs to go. Vic is clearly still in hate-love with her, reminding her about Myrtle Beach and the scams they pulled there. Sarah hates being reminded of what she was, saying she’s not proud of being a parasite. Vic says they were in love and Sarah tells him not her, not ever. She tells Vic to leave. He does, saying it’s not over.

Alison is back in her garage. She pulls the case out of the cupboard, only this time it’s unlocked. Inside she finds a stack of porn, including ‘Big Boob Blowies’ (AHAHAHAHAHA I laugh every time at that title) and looks depressed, knowing Donnie has taken out whatever was originally in there.

Out in a forested area, Donnie is talking on his cell and burning stuff. He tells the person that everything is fine and if anything else comes up he’ll let them know. He hangs up, adds more lighter fluid to the fire, and continues dropping papers or old pictures or something into the fire. Hey Donnie, maybe building a fire in a wooded area full of dry brush is a bad plan. Luckily he doesn’t burn the entire place down because that night he’s back at home in his bedroom, telling Alison he’ll sleep on the couch. She apologizes, saying he was right and everyone needs their privacy. She smiles and pulls the covers back to invite him into bed. She’s still wearing the checkered jammies so I don’t think she’s inviting him in for marital relations, plus the nanny cam is set up in her jewellery box.

This is not a scene with Hot Paul and Sarah

This is not a scene with Hot Paul and Sarah

Sarah’s about to go shoot Paul’s balls off when Cosima calls her to preach caution. Sarah’s pissed that Paul followed her to Kira but when Cosima points out that Paul covered for her when his boss asked about Beth, Sarah admits that she thinks Paul’s falling for her. Cosima says Paul may not even know he’s watching a clone but Olivier definitely knows and they need to get to him.

Paul’s sitting in the dark in Beth’s apartment like some sort of villain and flips on the lamp when Sarah walks in. Paul, cut that out. You aren’t helping.  He tells Sarah to put the gun in her pocket on the table, showing her his own in his hand. She does and sits opposite  him.

Paul says he’s known something’s been different, ever since the day he got back from his trip and she did him right there on the kitchen counter. Sarah keeps trying to act like she’s Beth but Paul keeps going, saying she quit the force after refusing to even consider such a thing. Paul says her scar can’t just ‘disappear’ from some cream. He throws a stack of pictures of Kira and her on the table says he was there when Beth found out she couldn’t have children. Oh-oh! That means that both Beth and Alison can’t get pregnant but Sarah did. Sarah says Kira’s her half-sister but Paul says no, he saw them together, that’s her daughter.

Finally, Paul starts asking Sarah about her training. What was her last marathon? What city was it in? Sarah can’t come up with an answer and Paul points his gun at her, asking, “Where’s Beth?”

Sarah drops the act and replies, in her own voice, that Beth killed herself and jumped in front of a train. Paul notes that she’s English and asks her who she is. Sarah lies and says she’s her twin but Paul says Beth doesn’t have a sister and asks if this is some sort of test. Sarah tell him her first name and that’s all.

Sarah confesses that when Beth died she was just going to clean up her bank accounts and that she didn’t mean to get tangled up with him. Paul wonders if she killed Beth but Sarah says no, “you killed her.” She accuses him of being her monitor. Paul tries to play it cool by asking, “What’s that?”

“You observe her. You let people into her home. Like last night. Doctors came and medically examined her in her sleep. And she knew.”  Sarah takes out the letters Beth wrote and throws them at Paul. “You’re a plant and she killed herself because the man she loved turned her whole life into a lie. She knew you didn’t love her and she couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t leave. And now she figured it out.”


Paul doesn’t want to believe it. He tries to insist it’s all some sort of sick test as he keeps pointing the gun in Sarah’s face but it starts to waver when Sarah tells him that Beth trusted him, and asks him how he could do that to her. Beautiful, sad Paul slowly lowers the gun and says, in a broken little voice, “You think I had a choice?” OH PAUL I LOVE YOU SO.

Sarah just wants to know why and Paul grits out, “They don’t tell us why.”

This. This face. It killed me. He's SO SAD.

This. This face. It killed me. He’s SO SAD.